Category Archives: Redeeming & Restoring

Monday Morning Moment – How an Accidental Diminisher Becomes a Multiplier

Liz Wiseman has written on this brilliantly in her leadership book – Multipliers – How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter . Wiseman is the president of The Wiseman Group, a leadership research and development firm, headquartered in Silicon Valley, California.

Blog - Liz Wiseman

Photo Credit: LiveIntentionally.org

I first heard her speak at the Global Leadership Summit this year. This engaging young woman clearly has had multipliers in her own life and has obviously learned from some diminishers as well.

On the inside cover of Wiseman’s book Multipliers, she defines two terms: “Diminishers” and “Multipliers”:

“The first type drain intelligence, energy, and capability from the ones around them and always need to be the smartest ones in the room. These are idea killers, the energy sappers, the diminishers of talent and commitment. On the other side of the spectrum are leaders who use their intelligence to amplify the smarts and capabilities of the people around them…These are the leaders who inspire employees to stretch themselves to deliver results that surpass expectations.” – Liz Wiseman

Photo Credit: Slideshare

[Sidebar – Diminishers are not necessarily evil people. Their focus could be so tuned to the endgame that people and processes get lost in the pursuit. It’s possible some are accidental diminishers. Hopefully they will have an “aha!” moment, maybe through the multipliers in their own lives. They, too, could change their habits and disciplines.]Photo Credit: Multipliers Books

A diminisher (accidental or not) holds tightly to control, is exclusive (tribal) in her relationships, gives rationale that seems well-thought-out but demeans the hearer, wants the stage, breaks down trust, and lacks care or respect for those in her charge. I shudder at the possibility that I could become such a person…but it is possible for any of us to stray into the relational style of a diminisher.

A hard-wired diminisher may not be able to change – wouldn’t see her thinking or methods as a problem, in fact, sees them as part of how she ended up in charge. However, an accidental diminisher could recover…if he saw what was happening…through over-work, too much responsibility, or having personally experienced the ill of diminishing and taking on its qualities without being aware.

I want to always be a multiplier – one who genuinely cares for people, who inspires confidence in others, who sees the possibilities, who risks by giving over control to another, who stirs thinking and enlarges the lives of those in his/her circle of influence…a circle that’s widely inclusive.

Being a leader is a humbling, stretching experience and, for the sake of those under your watch in your workplace or organization, we want to offer the best leadership we can, right? However, we can all fall prey to habits over time that diminish others.

Forging disciplines that keep us from diminishing is wisdom. Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown offer three points from which to start:

  1. Shift from giving answers to asking questions. The best leaders don’t provide all the answers, they ask the right questions.
  2. Dispense your ideas in small doses. If you are an idea guy who is prone to tossing out more ideas than anyone can catch, you have “the gift of gab.” Try articulating your ideas in increments. Introduce fewer ideas and leave white space. First, it creates room for others to contribute, and second, your words will be heard more frequently and will be more influential.
  3. Expect complete work. People learn best when they are fully accountable and face the consequences of their work. Ask people to go beyond pointing out problems. Ask them to find a solution. By wrestling with it themselves, they’ll grow their capability and be able to operate more independently.

Wiseman also talks about effective leaders (or multipliers) as operating in the role of change agentsdo we reserve the right to make the final decision every time or do we wrestle through decisions with those most affected by them? The latter can definitely be more messy but is also more effective and honoring.

“Multipliers invoke each person’s unique intelligence and create an atmosphere of genius—innovation, productive effort, and collective intelligence…He’ll outstretch all your capabilities to make it happen. He is highly demanding, but you feel great. You know you are signing up for something that will challenge you on a daily basis for many years to come. You will challenge yourself and all your capabilities…Exhilarating, exhausting, challenging, gratifying. He’s a big source of energy. He is a source of power and a tail-wind for what we do.”  – Liz Wiseman

Thank you, Liz Wiseman. You are a wise woman (I’m sure you get this all the time…couldn’t resist). Thank you, to all those multipliers in my life’s journey.

Read Wiseman’s book. I’d love to hear your stories of multipliers in your life…and any diminishers that you learned from but (hopefully) were not diminished in the season you were together…maybe you became a multiplier in that person’s life. Journey strong, Friends.*

Multipliers – How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman with Greg McKeown

*Excerpts from my previous blog: Liz Wiseman’s Leadership Book on Multipliers and the Story of a Multiplier in Our Lives – Deb Mills Writer

Are You an Accidental Diminisher? – Liz Wiseman & Greg McKeown

Leadership Mindset – Are You a Multiplier or a Diminisher? – Tony Flatau

Can a Diminisher Become a Multiplier?

The Shadow Side of Leadership – Jesse Lyn Stoner – [Read comments]

Slideshare – The Multipliers – Why Some Leaders Create Genius Everywhere – Greg McKeown

YouTube Video – Leaders as Multipliers with Liz Wiseman

YouTube Video – Liz Wiseman – The Multiplier Effect 0

Multipliers Quotes from GoodReads

2013 Global Leadership Summit Session 3a: Liz Wiseman

Brian Dodd – 4 Leadership Lessons From Mt. Rainier and the Inc. 500 Fastest Growing Business List – another example of a Multiplier

5 Friday Faves – Uncommon Friendship, Compounding Your Time, Bon Iver’s Holocene, Fear of Dying, and Parenting Post-Childhood Trauma

Happy Friday! Jumping right in to this week’s Friday Faves:

1) Uncommon Friendship – Would you push a wheelchair for a friend across a 500 mile journey? Patrick Gray gladly did that for his friend Justin Skeesuck. They are both heroes. They love each other and give each other the opportunity to live large…live unlimited. Watch the video. Buy the book.

Two Friends and One Wheelchair on the Pilgrim’s Way: Justin and Patrick Live Unlimited on the Camino de Santiago

I’ll Push You – Facebook Page

I’ll Push You: A Journey of 500 Miles, Two Best Friends, and One Wheelchair – Patrick Gray and Justin Skeesuck

2)Compounding Your Time – Compounding your time is like compounding interest – a small investment over time that yields multiplying dividends. Writer and social entrepreneur Michael Simmons recently posted a super helpful article on maximizing your time use. In Why Successful People Spend 10 Hours a Week on “Compound Time”, Simmons describes compound time as an element of the day of high performers. They “step away from urgent work, slow down, and invest in activities that have a long-term payoff in greater knowledge, creativity, and energy. As a result, they may achieve less in a day at first, but drastically more over the course of their lives.” Simmons’ 6 hacks to incorporating compound time in your life are listed below, but don’t miss his fuller fleshing these out here.

Hacks for Compounding Your Time (Over Time):

  1. Keep a journal.
  2. Take a nap.
  3. Walk 15 minutes every day.
  4. Read.
  5. Invest in conversation partners.
  6. Experiment regularly.

“To get started, follow the 5-hour rule: for an hour a day, invest in compound time: take that nap, enjoy that walk, read that book, have that conversation. You may doubt yourself, feel guilty or even worry you’re “wasting” time… You’re not! Step away from your to-do list, just for an hour, and invest in your future. This approach has worked for some of the world’s greatest minds. It can work for you, too.” – Michael Simmons

What have you found helpful to compound time in your own life? Please share in Comments.

3) Bon Iver’s Holocene – The American Indie folk band Bon Iver wrote and performed this incredible song, Holocene. It’s part of the soundtrack in a couple of favorite films of mine (The Judge and We Bought A Zoo). The music is ethereal and just plain lovely. The lyrics?

Bon Iver’s obscure lyrics make those of us who love the song search for its meaning…here one commentor gives my favorite interpretation:

The point that struck me the other day though, was the beauty in the title. Holocene: an epoch spanning over 10,000 years- “connectedness” to the earth from present to the past. Not only are we are aware the world is vast- we are aware that we are only a small speck in time. There is beauty in such simple humanity of a flickering flame, the pink hues of a sunrise- things enjoyed by humankind for eons. It connects our present world of Facebook and Smartphones to centuries of humanity that existed before us- and to the future that lays ahead.

He has these “moments” where everything is right with the world: “not the needle nor the thread, the lost decree… Saying nothing was enough for me”. Conversation is not needed, you are absorbed in the moment of the “hallowed bright” of Christmas Eve or “Laying waste to Halloween”, but “at once”, you are struck with the realization that your “moment” is not significant… “I was not magnificent”. In this though, there is joy in the feeling that despite that, you are still a part of something.

You are a part of the fabric of humanity- over 10,000 years of ‘people’. “Hulled from far the highway aisle”, separated from race, religion, politics and war- but connected to love, jealously, empathy, depression and beauty- emotions spanning borders and time. “Someway baby its part of me, apart from me”.

Holocene reminds us, humbles us and empowers us. My Interpretation – Bevanreay

4) Fear of Dying – I entered motherhood as a cancer nursing specialist. Cancer was all around me in those days, and I embraced what I learned of how precious and tenuous life could be. We were still in the first few days at home with our daughter when, while showering, I discovered a knot under one of my arms. It shook me so much, I literally had to lean against the wall of the shower for a few seconds. Well, thankfully, it turned out to be a non-malignant swollen lymph node common to breast-feeding mothers.

Still, then, and more recently dealing with the real deal cancer, I am acutely aware of how the shadow of death can fall on a life. Just. Like. That. A shadow is just a shadow and often it passes, and all is well again. However, we land at a different place emotionally and spiritually when “well” comes again. A better and broader place.

Mom and blogger Heather Anne Naples  writes about that transformation in her own confrontation with a frightening experience as a mom of a small child. Photo Credit: Heather Anne Naples

How the Fear of Dying Taught Me How to LiveHeather Anne Naples

As she relived her medical emergency and hearing her baby crying and calling for her as the paramedics took her out to the ambulance, she became terrified at the idea that she might not make it and her daughter would not remember her.

I ask you to ask yourself: What will be said about you when you are gone?

Are you kind? Are you gentle? Are you giving? Are you loving?

I am…Now.

Confessing to having previously been a gossipy, sassy “mean girl” before her medical emergency, she turned that all around…not perfectly, of course (not any of us can claim that)…but she altered her life’s course for her daughter…and all in her life from then on out.

The fear of dying should never consume us…that would be a form of dying while living. However, we can learn from a brush with death…that learning can help us live life differently…and better.

http://www.acesconnection.com/blog/making-the-good-stuff-louder-trauma-dad-bryon-hamel

5) Parenting Post-Childhood Trauma – I have people in my life who have decided not to parent because of the trauma in their own lives growing up. They think they are too damaged and don’t want to pass that on to their own children. That is so tragic to me. It’s like the abusive adults in their lives continue to wreak havoc in the adult survivors of childhood trauma.

I’m sure there are situations where not having children is the answer, but it is thrilling to know of people like Byron Hamel.

Photo Credit: ACEs Connection

ACEs Connection writer Christine Cissy White interviewed Hamel, filmmaker and child/parent advocate. Her post, entitled Making the Good Stuff Louder: Trauma Dad, Byron Hamel, gives hope and empowerment. Read the full interview but here Hamel summarizes.

“Childhood isn’t safe. Predators are everywhere. A guy exposed himself to my kid last week at a park. You get your kid out of the park and you call the police. Be vigilant. Learn what grooming is and how to stop it. Monitor their activity online. Ask them about school. Tell them they can tell you ANYTHING and they won’t get in trouble. Tell them they don’t have to fear for their safety, or indeed for YOUR safety. And don’t wait for them to come to you. Ask them regularly. Make your home a fortress for their well-being. Make it feel like the safest place they can possibly be. Show them the greatest love. Be their greatest protector. Listen the most intently.”

A Cycle Broken – Byron Hamel Productions

Care Can Not Be Purchased – Byron Hamel

Guardians of the Children

Love Your Neighbor – The Resilience Movie and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – Deb Mills Writer

Dance Like You Matter

That’s a wrap on this week’s Faves. Have a great weekend. Be kind to yourself and those around you…you just never know.

Bonuses:

30 Quotes That Will Help You Get Through the Day

Motivated Reasoning Is Why You Can’t Win an Argument Using Facts

Living Out – Same Sex Attraction – Anne [website for Christians grappling with SSA]

Worship Wednesday – What a Beautiful Name It Is – Hillsong

Photo Credit: Vimeo

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus:

Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to cling to, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross.

Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place, and gave Him the name above all names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.”Philippians 2:5-11

Considering the answer to questions is a part of how we learn, how we set a course toward knowing. We search out in our own minds the answer to a question. If we come up blank, we seek out other resources, those who show mastery, knowledge, or understanding that we lack.

Is there a most important question in life?

I’m posing this as the most important question: What will you do with Jesus?

The weight of evidence that Jesus existed is substantial. In fact, to say he didn’t would require more faith than not, given the historical documentation and his impact on history. Note one reference here.

What we do with this Jesus is partly determined on whether we see him as a man, a prophet, a revolutionary…or God.

During my early childhood years, my family was not religious. There were no rituals, no spiritual conversations, no sense of God or who he was.

I was eight years old before we ever went into a church building. This followed my parents’ divorce, a couple of house moves, and my mom’s remarriage to my sweet step-dad. Lots of ups and downs in there.

A student of mine once told me that he believed children just grow up in the faith of their parents…no personal wrestling of what to believe…or whom to believe in.

My family didn’t have any faith to speak of in those days. When friends invited us to join them in church, it began a journey for my mom, dad, and siblings. For my parents, it was a re-acquainting themselves with God…for me an amazing new discovery.

Everything I have learned about Jesus and know of him through personal experience has enriched my life like nothing else in this world. No human love, no accomplishment, no other adventure can compare with what has come to me through him.

There is no question for me that if there is God, then Jesus is God. It is difficult to wrap the mind around the reality of a triune God – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We have to take that by faith, but not a blind faith. The life and teaching of Jesus point to one linked so intimately to the Father, they are one. Thoroughly infused by the Spirit of God. No ordinary man, or woman, could live as he lived, love as he loved, spend himself as he did. He was human and divine… completely…and without sin.

As a child from a broken home, whose biological father’s neglect and disregard continued through our lives until he died…I longed for the love that only God, through Christ Jesus, offered.

He has never disappointed.

The Hillsong Worship song-writer team of Ben Fielding & Brooke Ligertwood gives us a song that describes something of the beauty of the name of Jesus.

In a world where too often Jesus’ name is used as a derogatory exclamation, my heart is renewed in the company of those whose lives have also been transformed by knowing him…and praying to the Father, in his name. Jesus…God coming so close to us and making a way for us to come close to Him…now and forever.

Photo Credit: Phatmass

Let’s worship together…[click on the link; the lyrics are there.]

You were the Word at the beginning
One with God the Lord Most High
Your hidden glory in creation
Now revealed in You our Christ

What a beautiful Name it is
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King
What a beautiful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus

You didn’t want heaven without us
So Jesus You brought heaven down
My sin was great Your love was greater
What could separate us now

What a wonderful Name it is
What a wonderful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King
What a wonderful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a wonderful Name it is
The Name of Jesus
What a wonderful Name it is
The Name of Jesus

Death could not hold You
The veil tore before You
You silence the boast of sin and grave
The heavens are roaring
The praise of Your glory
For You are raised to life again

You have no rival
You have no equal
Now and forever God You reign
Yours is the kingdom
Yours is the glory
Yours is the Name above all names

What a powerful Name it is
What a powerful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King
What a powerful Name it is
Nothing can stand against
What a powerful Name it is
The Name of Jesus

What a powerful Name it is The Name of Jesus
What a powerful Name it is The Name of Jesus*

*Lyrics to What a Beautiful Name – Hillsong Worship

Who Is Jesus? Video – Explore God

What a Beautiful Name (Song Story) – Hillsong Worship – Words and Music by Ben Fielding & Brooke Ligertwood© 2016 Hillsong Music Publishing

50 Names and titles of Jesus: Who the Bible Says Christ Is – Debbie McDaniel

Jesus Christ’s Names, Titles, and Characters

Seven Questions Jesus Asked: “What Do You Want Me to Do For You?” – from Sermon Series JQ: Questions Jesus Asked

Monday Morning Moment – Workplace Bullying

Photo Credit: Flickr

Just saying the word bullying prompts a memory and even a victim mentality. No one is immune from this experience, either being the target or the one targeting another. Bullying can sometimes beget bullying, but this doesn’t have to be the case. Understanding and intervening in damaging situations can turn the course of the experience for all involved.

Childhood bullying has been subject to much research and policy-setting in schools. What about when bullying happens between adults and in the workplace? What can be done there?

The Workplace Bullying Institute defines bullying as:

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is :

The Workplace Bullying Institute Definition of Workplace Bullying

When bullying happens in the workplace, we want to call it something else…controlling, rudeness, or maybe incivility. If we call it bullying, we must acknowledge that we could be a victim, or worse, we stood by and watched it happen without intervening. Or even worse, we could be confronted with the possibility that we, because of our commanding personality or position, have become a bullying adult.

I don’t think I’ve ever bullied someone else…but it is possible. When we find ourselves in a changing culture, we can change as well. A wise friend once told me, “A toxic workplace can corrode everyone.” I have, for sure, experienced workplace bullying. Especially early in my career. It’s never pretty, and even thinking about it today causes me to cringe. One situation was very private; no one knew but the two of us. A nurse manager was threatened by my role as clinical specialist and nurse educator on her unit. I had to learn to deflect and avoid confrontations with her (not in a frightened cowardly way but in a “wise as serpents, gentle as doves” way).

Another situation was when a physician wrongly accused me of misjudgment in patient care. This time was very public and he was determined to have me fired. I was not at fault (in fact, one of his interns elected not to act on my assessment of the patient which caused harm to her). Fortunately for me, the nursing chain of command was in complete support of my actions, and his rampage against me was neutralized. Whew! Bullying is costly.

[Sidebar: I don’t mean to disparage either person. Neither was a villain. They just saw things differently and chose to deal with it by coming down on me. I wasn’t a victim after all…especially in the second situation, the patient was the one who suffered during that blame-shifting. Bullying cuts a much wider wake than we think.]

Let’s think about our workplaces. Have we given into a workplace that mimics today’s “modern” culture – technology over humanity, coolness over experience, short-term gains over long-term legacy. Bullying doesn’t necessarily come out of any of this, except that our rules of engagement can change. Within that can evolve a level of incivility that gives birth to bullying, if we are not vigilant in preventing it.

Why “Modern” Work Culture Makes People So Miserable – Jeffrey Pfeffer

Refusing to ignore bullying and calling it out when it happens are crucial. This can be risky. We have to decide if we can handle the potential negative outcomes. If we don’t wrestle with the problem,  it can become commonplace and the silence is deafening.

“Words denied mean analyses not offered, things not grasped, surprise not registered, strangeness not taken in, all of which means that terrible mistakes are repeated, wounding ways of acting in the world never seriously reconsidered. The words’ absence chains you to the present, to what’s accepted and acceptable.”Tom Engelhardt

Am I wrong here? Is our workplace immune to what our culture is going through? The US is divided right now over how we are handling some huge social issues- racism, poverty, immigration, and potential national threats from outside the US. The media is peppered with Americans calling foul on what is perceived as bullying – from our leaders as well as special interest groups.

What is our recourse? One popular action seems to be to bully back…to villainize…to essentially return blow for blow. Social media is slammed with “he said, she said” hateful rhetoric. I’m so thankful for those who take a path of peace and wisdom (like the news story recently of 5 young people in our city who struck a blow for genuine rather than symbolic change. Transformative change).

Maybe, bullying in the workplace is hard to change because we as adults should be able to fight our own battles, unlike children who need help when caught up in this destructive cycle. We want our children to feel safe and to learn effective ways to deal with confrontation and conflict. In the workplace, we also want to have an atmosphere of mutual respect, purposefulness, and trust.

While insulating ourselves from bullying is one approach to deal with it, hopefully we can consider a more proactive stance. Many schools these days have a “No Tolerance” bullying policy. The students didn’t come up with that. It was people in authority advocating for them – parents, teachers, the school board. What would a “No Tolerance” model look like where we work? Who would set that in place? How would it work?

As peers, we can confront bullying and intervene with each other. However, to change a whole culture, we need those with greater authority to advocate for such a work environment.

Something to think about…and consider.

Please check out the links below – excellent reading on this weighty topic. Also if you have experienced workplace bullying or if you’ve known success in curtailing bullying in your workplace, please share in Comments below.

Anti-Bullying Week: Of Weasels, Snakes, and Queen Bees [Don’t miss the short video – clarifying & tremendously useful]

Infographic – 7 Facts of How to Deal with a Bully at Work – Catherine Adenle

Who Is a Workplace Bully’s Target? – Sally Kane

The Top 5 Threat Assessment and Workplace Violence Prevention Trends in 2017 – Arnette Heintze

75% of Workers Are Affected By Bullying – Here’s What To Do About It – Christine Comaford

The Hidden Toll of Workplace Incivility – Christine Porath

Worship Wednesday – the Faith to Believe

Photo Credit: Flickr

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.Ephesians 2:8

For the first twenty years of my professional life, I was privileged to have close encounters with five life-changing realities. It was a season of caring for cancer patients and their families – when their diseases were raging and in the final days of life. These experiences galvanized my faith in God and how his image is embedded in us – his creation. These realities are:

  1. Courage in exceedingly hard places
  2. Deep enduring love across a harsh illness and when time is fleeting
  3. Hope mingled with humor
  4. Death isn’t final…our spirits go somewhere (for sure, they leave the body)
  5. Faith to believe

Caring for patients receiving chemotherapy and other treatments for life-threatening complications can prompt an intimate caring relationship. To watch patients (and families) deal with such hard and to be in a position to help them through it gave me a window to extend love and honor to dear ones in crisis.

Was there always courage? Was love always expressed between us all? Was humor or hope or faith a constant?

No…but remarkably, more often than not, this was what I observed… especially in those sustained by a relationship with God.

In the last couple of years, I personally have experienced a cancer diagnosis and a couple of respiratory emergencies that brought those same realities into my life. In such times, much in life gets clarity…a sharper focus, a deeper understanding.

Breathe has been a theme in my life for over a year now…put that together with the title of a film starring Andrew Garfield…and it caused me to NOT “skip the ad” on YouTube.Photo Credit: Breathe, YouTube

I was unaware of Robin Cavendish until I saw the trailer for the film Breathe. Cavendish was a Brit who developed polio at the young age of 28. He was paralyzed from the neck down and required a ventilator to breathe. In those days (1958), he would have been confined in a hospital for the remainder of his days. However, he nor his wife, Diana, would hear of it. After a year in hospital, he went home and adjusted to this very different life, as only Robin would. They had a child and he would be able to see him grow up (in fact, son Jonathan Cavendish produced this film). Robin was a pioneer in advocating for the disabled, especially those like him needing more extreme measures to live a more normal life. He died at 64.

[Since my years in graduate studies in rehab and cancer nursing…the courage I saw in so many patients and families…courage in struggle…never ceased to inspire me.]

I am always intrigued about “based on a true story” films. Reading up on Robin Cavendish’s story, my heart soared and then sank…fullstop at the short statement below:

Cavendish was an atheist.Wikipedia

I have never understood atheism. Even during spiritually flat and confusing times in my life, the existence of God has never been at question.

Especially watching beloved patients at the moment of death…their faces relaxing and their bodies emptying of who they really were. We don’t just stop existing…life here stops and starts at exactly the same moment…There.

Now that I know Robin Cavendish, he has my admiration and respect at how he took back his life and helped others do the same. I wonder if, before his life was done…if he had the faith to believe. One line in his obituary reads:

It is a strange irony that, though professing to be an unbeliever himself, he had a capacity for making other people feel closer to God.*

*Obituary – Robin Cavendish – Alice and Tim Renton

What a great gift is faith to believe. We don’t conjure it up. God Himself presents us the faith to believe…it is ours to reject or receive.

Worship with me. Below you will find two songs – Faith to Believe by Shane & Shane and Jesus Is Better by Austin Stone. Choose either or both in celebrating the God who gives us the faith to believe. [Then scroll down to the prayer at the end.]

YouTube Video – Shane & Shane – Faith to Believe – (with lyrics)

Give me the faith to believe You
When I’m stuck here in my fear
Give me the strength to trust You
When my vision’s blurred by tears
Give me a hope for tomorrow
Because today has gone so wrong
I’m on my knees
Give me the strength to believe

Even when I cannot see You
You’re still shining, You’re still shining
Even when I cannot hear You
You’re still calling out my name
Even when I cannot see You
Your arms are open
Always holding on to me
Give me the faith to believe

You say You’ll never leave me
Your love will conquer fear
You say Your day is coming
When You’ll wipe away my tears
Give me a hope for tomorrow
Because today has gone so wrong
I’m on my knees
Give me the faith to believe

Give me the faith to see the invisible
Give me the faith to believe the impossible
Give me the faith to receive the incredible
Oh give me the faith to believe it**

There is no other so sure and steady, my hope is held in your hand
When castles crumble and breath is fleeting, upon this rock I will stand
Upon this rock I will stand

Glory, glory, we have no other king
But Jesus Lord of all
Raise the anthem, our loudest praises ring
We crown Him Lord of all

Your kindly rule has shattered and broken the curse of sin’s tyranny
My life is hidden ‘neath Heaven’s shadow, Your crimson flood covers me
Your crimson flood covers me

Glory, glory, we have no other king
But Jesus Lord of all
Raise the anthem, our loudest praises ring
We crown Him Lord of all

In all my sorrows, Jesus is better – make my heart believe

In all my victories, Jesus is better – make my heart believe

Than any comfort, Jesus is better – make my heart believe

More than all riches, Jesus is better – make my heart believe

Our souls declaring, Jesus is better – make my heart believe

Our song eternal, Jesus is better – make my heart believe

Glory, glory, we have no other king
But Jesus Lord of all

Glory, glory, we have no other king
But Jesus Lord of all
Raise the anthem, our loudest praises ring
We crown Him Lord of all

Glory, glory, we have no other king
But Jesus Lord of all
Raise the anthem, our loudest praises ring
We crown Him Lord of all***

Photo Credit: Flickr

Maybe this is the first step for atheists, too (it was for me)…so thankful for the faith to believe…to see the truth and beauty of Scripture. The Word of God walks us right up the staircase to be with Him – now and forever.

Thank You, God, for the faith to believe. With my whole being, I’m sure you daily, moment by moment, extend grace to all of humanity to know You, through one witness of Yourself or another. Help us to receive this grace. God, give us all this faith to believe.

**Lyrics to Faith to Believe – written by Shane Everett & Phil Wickham

***Lyrics to Jesus Is Better – written by Aaron Ivey & Brett Land

Monday Morning Moment – Remembering 9/11 – and the Day Before – a Story of God and a Girl

Genessa & April

[From the Archives]

Today marks the 16th anniversary of the 9/11 bombings in the US, and we all have our stories of where we were when we heard that terrible news. I heard the news as an elevator door opened in a hospital emergency room in Cairo, Egypt. The surgeon watching for us to deliver the patient walking into the elevator, saying, “I am so, so sorry.” I thought he was referring to the precious one on the stretcher beside me, so small and injured from a terrible bus accident the day before. It turns out he was talking about the news that traveled instantly from the States about the bombings. I’d like to go back to the day before. For us, it would help to go there, before I can ever process the grief of this day that we all share.

It was like any other Monday, that bright, warm September 10th in Cairo, Egypt…until the phone call. Janna was on the other end of the call, telling me that Genessa and April had been in a bus accident on the Sinai. April had called her and relayed their location, at a hospital in Sharm el-Sheikh. These were girls in our Middle Eastern Studies Program, and they were finishing their time with us, taking a vacation together. They would re-trace some of their experiences in Bedouin villages across the Sinai and then enjoy a few days on the Red Sea. They were to return that Monday, traveling in on one of the over-night buses across the desert.

Details will have to wait for another time, but with this information, my husband, Dave, left immediately with Janna and a local Egyptian friend who was also one of our language coaches. He took these two women because of their relationship with each other and with all of us. He also understood that there were two injured friends hours away in a hospital who would need women to minister to their needs. I would be praying and on the phone the rest of the day with families, other friends, US Embassy people, and our other young people in the program. I can’t begin to describe the emotional nature of that day…not knowing, hoping, praying.

When Dave and our friends arrived at the hospital, he was directed to April. She had painful, serious injuries, but none life-threatening, praise God. Then he was escorted into the critical care area to see Genessa. To his horror, it wasn’t Genessa. It was another young woman, unconscious – an Italian tourist, who rode in the same ambulance with April. April, lucid and still able to communicate, had tried to comfort her on that long dark ride to the hospital. Personal belongings were all scrambled at the wreck site, and the authorities made the mistakened decision that because April was speaking to her, she was Genessa.

Then Dave went on the search for our dear one…somewhere else in the Sinai. He back-tracked toward the site of the accident, checking other hospitals where other injured were taken. At this point, he was also talking to US Embassy staff, as he drove through the desert. Just shortly before he arrived at the hospital where he would find Genessa, the staff person told him they confirmed her identification from a credit card she had in her pocket…in the morgue of that small village hospital.

Dave and Janna, that friend who received the first phone call, stood beside this precious girl’s body, to make the formal identification…to know for sure that this was Genessa. And it was…and yet not. She, the luminous, laughing, loving girl we knew, was gone. It was more than any of us who loved her could take in on that Monday evening in Cairo, Egypt…the day before 9/11.

Genessa with team

As they left the hospital to return to April, two more friends joined them from Cairo to help. For any of you who have been completely spent in every way by such a day, you can understand what it was for them to look up and see Matt and Richard getting out of a car. God in His great goodness alerted them, stirred their hearts to drive all those hours…and then to arrive…just when they were most needed. So many arrangements had to be made…and most importantly, at that moment, to get April back safely and quickly to Cairo for surgery.

She came into Cairo on a plane near the middle of the day of 9/11. By the time we got her from the airport in an ambulance to the specialty hospital to get the further care she needed, a series of horrific events had begun taking place in the US. We would hear of them from this caring Egyptian surgeon…who had no idea how numb we were from losing Genessa and how concerned we were that April got what she needed as soon as possible. We were already so drenched by grief, this unfathomable news about the bombings washed over us without understanding the scope of it…the pain of it…for all the rest of America.

Later in that day, with April receiving the best care possible, and me watching by her side, I could take in some of the loss coming at us on the small t.v. mounted in the hospital room. Egyptians were telling us how so, so sorry they were for us (as Americans). If they only knew, they were our mourners for our loss of Genessa, too. In the din of world-changing news, and a country brought together in grief…we grieved, too, a continent away…for the losses of 9/11 and the day before.

That was 16 years ago…April healed from her injuries (only she and God know what all that took on the inside), the other young people in our program have gone on to careers and families across the US and around the world. We have also gone on…back to the US for now, and to other work.

Two things have not changed…a beautiful girl, who fell asleep by the window of a bus in the Sinai night and woke up in Heaven… and the God who welcomed her Home. There is so much, much, more to this story, but I have to close with this. As her family back in the US were pulling the pieces of their lives back together, and going through Genessa’s things, they found a little cassette player on her bed…there left by her, two years before, as she left for Cairo. In it was a cassette where she’d made a tape of her singing one of her favorite songs, I Long for the Day, by Dennis Jernigan. If we look at Genessa’s life through the lens of some American dream, then we would think how tragic to die so young, so full of promise. Look through the lens of how much she loved God, and knowing Him was what mattered most to her…and all who knew her knew His love through her.

This God…and this girl.  Genessa

 I Long for the Day by Dennis Jernigan

I long for the day when the Lord comes and takes me away!

Whether by death or if You come for me on a horse so white

And anyway You come will be alright with me

I long to just hear You said, “Now is the time. Won’t you come away?”

And I’ll take Your hand, surrendering completely to You that day!

And no, I can’t contain the joy that day will bring!

Chorus:

When I get to see You face to face

When I can finally put sight to the Voice I’ve embraced

It will be worth all the waiting for that one moment I’ll be celebrating You!

When I get to feel Your hand in mine

When I can finally be free from this prison called time

When You say, “Child, I’ve been waiting for this one moment of celebrating, too!

For this one moment of celebrating you!”

O Lord, while I wait, I will cling to each word that You say.

So speak to my heart; Your voice is life to me, be it night or day.

And anything You say will be alright with me.

You see my heart’s greatest need

You and me, walking intimately.

You’re my only love, and I am waiting patiently for Your call.

When You call me to Your side eternally.

(Chorus Repeat)

Lord, I celebrate You!

Forever with You! No crying there.

Forever with You! No burden; no more worldly cares.

My heart is anticipating eternally with you celebrating You!

Forever with You I long to be;

Forever worshipping, knowing You intimately!

When You say, “Child, no more waiting” [No more waiting, children]

I’ll spend forever just celebrating You.

I’ll see all my loved ones gone before

I’ll get to be with them, laugh with them, hold them once more

There’ll be no more separating! [No separating]

Together we will be celebrating You!

Together we’ll worship You and sing.

Forever praising Lord Jesus, our Savior and King.

When You say, “Child, no more waiting” [No more waiting, children]

Enter your rest, and start celebrating, too.

Forever Lord, I’ll be celebrating You.

Chorus Repeat:

When I get to see You face to face

When I can finally put sight to the Voice I’ve embraced

It will be worth all the waiting for that one moment of celebrating You!

When I get to feel Your hand in mine

When I can finally be free from this prison called time

When You say, “Child, I’ve been waiting for this one moment of celebrating, too!

For this one moment of celebrating you!”

Dennis Jernigan, from the album I Belong to Jesus (Volume 2)

5 Friday Faves – Beyond the Guitar & Malinda Kathleen Reese, Podcasts, the Uncivil War on Racism, the Invisible Yemeni War, and Bonuses Make 5

Friday came faster than usual this week and is ticking fast away itself. When you can take a minute, here are my favorite finds for this week:

  1. Beyond the Guitar and Malinda Kathleen Reese Collaboration – What happens when a YouTube sensation like Malinda Kathleen Reese collaborates with an incredibly gifted guitarist on the rise? Magic. If you’ve been here before, you know what Nathan does with the guitar…and Malinda’s voice? An angel. Full stop.Photo Credit: Beyond the Guitar

Their collaboration on the song “May It Be” from The Lord of the Rings Trilogy was other-worldly beautiful. Click on the link and refresh from any hard in your day.

They also collaborated on “Would You Be So Kind?”. See link below.

YouTube Video – dodie – “Would You Be So Kind?” – Malinda Kathleen Reese cover ft. Andrew Huang & Nathan Mills

I hope this is just the beginning of beautiful collaborations between these gifted artists.

Nathan posts guitar arrangements twice monthly. Just in this week, he posted three! The third was his arrangement of the 4 themes of the superhero Netflix shows; now all combined in the show The Defenders. Great characters blended together into a fun series.

Nathan’s crazy impersonations of The Defenders are part of what makes this video so endearing…but again…the music. Wow!

Photo Credit: Beyond the Guitar

2) Podcasts – Who besides me listens to podcasts? They are a great source of inspiration, information, and entertainment (depending on the podcaster). Some of my favorite podcasts are here.

This week the Academy of Podcasters had its award ceremonies. I haven’t seen the results yet, but I’ve linked to some of the favorites below. One of my faves is Knox and Jamie’s The Pop Cast – a funny tongue-in-cheek look at our culture in America.Photo Credit: Knox and Jamie

Knox and Jamie’s The Pop Cast

44 Award-Nominated Podcasts & Their Top Rated Episodes – Sean Baeyens – the Patreon Blog

8 Great Pop Culture Podcasts to Keep You Up to Date on TV, Movies, Music and More – Ma’ayan Plaut

3) The Uncivil War on Racism – We in the US have been in great turmoil for quite some time over the issue of chronic racism. Is it worsening, or is that the deafening cry of mainstream media? I don’t know, but I’ve certainly taken a more serious look at my own heart.Photo Credit: CDN, CLD

We live in a city that was a capital of the Confederacy during the Civil War. Richmond, Virginia, has sharp racial divides still. Some of this has focused in recent days on the Confederate monuments displayed around our city. Should they come down?Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

[Sidebar: J. E. B. Stuart, V, is a hand surgeon in Richmond, Va. He was my surgeon the last time I broke my wrist. Wonder what he thinks. He is a great-great-grand (?) of the Confederate General above. ]

If the monuments come down, where does the “taking down” stop? A friend of mine today took the issue to its simplest form. “If they hurt people, take them down.”

What frustrates me is that the focus on monuments will change nothing about the problems of “poverty, illiteracy, drugs, crime, and violence.” (Herman Cain). Protests between the alt-right and alt-left groups inflame the situation and divide us even more…along racial lines…

I was asked recently why did I think whites and blacks were so silent on this topic in real conversation. There’s much said in social media, and the news media is loud with hate-filled voices.

For me, I don’t know what to say, but I want to listen…and to participate in action that changes quality of life and the futures of our children.

Will taking down statues help? If so, then so be it. While we’re at it, I wouldn’t mind this one coming down. It’s housed in the Smithsonian Museum. She is Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned Parenthood.

Photo Credit: Life Site News

“A statue remains in Washington D.C.’s Smithsonian Institution commemorating the one person responsible for the deaths of more African Americans that any other in history: Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned Parenthood.

‘More than 19 million black babies have been aborted since the 1973 Roe v. Wade U.S. Supreme Court decision legalized abortion in our country,’ according to Michigan Right to Life’s website. ‘On average, 900 black babies are aborted every day in the United States.’ Planned Parenthood is responsible for many of those abortions.

In August 2015, a group of Black pastors gathered in front of the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery to make known their plea for the removal of Sanger’s bust from the museum.

Their request was rejected and the bust of Planned Parenthood’s founder remains on display today.” – Doug Mainwaring, Life News Site

Herman Cain Just Finally Said What Everyone Has Been Too Afraid To Say!!

The Science of Being ‘Nice’: How Politeness Is Different From Compassion – Kun Zhao & Luke Smillie

What I Saw in Charlottesville – Brian McLaren

4) Invisible Yemeni War – I have followed the Syrian conflict  fairly closely over the years since 2011 when it took the international stage. What has happened and continues in Syria in terms of lives lost or displaced is unfathomable. Then there’s Yemen – the poorest country in the Arab world; in its most recent civil war since 2015.Photo Credit: Raw StoryPhoto Credit: Flickr

American news doesn’t quite reach the plight of the Yemeni people. This year has been especially devastating for those still in country, caught in the throes of war. Famine and cholera both taking their toll as well.Photo Credit: World Health Organization

This week, the Yemeni people are now back on my radar. Hopefully, they are on yours as well. We can pray; we can give to reputable charities; we can refuse to forget them.

Yemen Conflict: Who Controls WhatFaisal Edroos, Yarno Ritzen

Yemen Crisis: Who Is Fighting Whom? – BBC News

Yemen Crisis – World Health Organization

Meeting the Houthis and Their Enemies – Safa Alahmad

Ending on a serious note today, but I hope to live life with eyes wide open…and my heart the same. Burying our heads in the sand…or in our phones, etc. diminishes the possibilities for us to truly love our neighbors. It’s a daily battle.

Have a refreshing weekend…be kind to yourselves and each other.

5) Bonuses

This week’s favorite quote: “I am looking for the fellowship of the burning heart – for men and women of all generations everywhere who love the Savior until adoration becomes the music of their soul until they don’t have to be fooled with and entertained and amused. Jesus Christ is everything, all-in-all.”A. W. Tozer

Google on Abortion – 3 Fresh Ways to Make the Case for Life – Trevin Wax

YouTube Video – Sounds Every 90s Kid Will Remember

60 Pieces of Survival Wisdom From the Great Depression – The Survival Mom

Monday Morning Moment – Eating Together – at Work, at Home, Across Racial Divides

Photo Credit: President’s Choice, YouTube Video

Eating dinner together was just normal when I grew up. Maybe we all couldn’t be there, with differing work schedules, school sports, and the like. Whoever was home, though, got a call to the dinner table. Our family was a rowdy bunch and our conversation could erupt into loud disagreements on any number of things. Still, we were together. We were family. It kept us bonded in many ways.

Eating together…crowding adults and their families around a long table…is still a delightful, much-anticipated tradition…at least for this mama. That delight of eating together spreads also to friends and to the workplace.

This weekend, I caught a YouTube video that really touched my heart. Especially given the events of this weekend in our state where a racist political rally turned deadly. Not that this little video produced by a major food company in Canada could help bring meaning to this violent weekend…but there’s a message.

YouTube Video – #EatTogether – President’s Choice

In a time when we have the capability of being more connected with each other than ever, we can remain disconnected. Not seeing, not hearing, unaware of those around us or how we might engage with each other.

Eating Together as Co-Workers

In the busiest of days, there is nothing more delightful than breaking from work to eat with colleagues…says the extroverted, “loves people” person. Early in my career, working in a huge inner city hospital in Atlanta, Georgia, it was an effort to get off the patient floor down to the cafeteria. My co-workers used to tease me that once we got our trays and settled at a table, I would always sigh…like, out loud. It was just a relief to stop working for a few minutes…with good food to eat and surrounded with people I both liked and respected.Debbie & Grady nurse buddy

Susannah Snider lists three reasons why we should be eating lunch with our co-workers:

  1. It boosts production.
  2. It’s a networking tool.
  3. It makes you happier.

3 Reasons to Eat Lunch with Your Co-workers – Susannah Snider

This was just one of many articles (both scholarly and popular press) related to the benefit of folks who work together eating together.

Eating Together as Family

People are so very busy these days that eating “on the run” is more the usual than not. Or everyone, exhausted, just eating in their various spaces around the house – in front of the TV or other screen. There is something almost magical in the habit of eating around a table. It is the same reason why couples with children need date nights – just getting across a table from each other does wonders for the conversations neglected in the wear and tear of parenting.

Cody Delistraty posts on the broad positive ramifications of families who eat together and what happens when they don’t. Eating together as a family can actually decrease addictive tendencies, enhance academic performance, and build closeness and community – with the family but also beyond the family.

The Importance of Eating Together – Cody Delistraty

Eating Together as a Family Has Multiple Benefits – Timi Gustafson

Eating Together Across Racial Divides

“Have you ever had a person of another race in your home for dinner?” Two US senators, Tim Scott and James Lankford, have been asking this question to constituents for some time now. They were not surprised at how segregated the American dinner table was.

Out of this, they developed something they call Solution Sundays…where they encourage people to invite persons of another race to their homes to share a meal.Photo Credit: CNN

“For me, it’s hard to hate what you know,” Scott said. “And it’s just so simple. It’s hard to hate what you know.”

I want to be successful at this. Sure, I have friends, neighbors, and colleagues who are of a different race, but somehow I’m intimidated to mess with their Sundays. Why is that?!

Even Martin Luther King, Jr. talked about “11:00 on Sunday morning is one of the most segregated hours if not the most segregated hour in Christian America”. Maybe we could shake up Sunday dinner.

For some of you, this is “so yesterday”. For co-workers and family, we all are going all kinds of different directions. Slowing it down to have a meal together may take work and habit change…so worth it! As for crossing racial divides – maybe that is no issue for you. For example, we have family of “different races” so it’s part of our DNA. Still when something like this past weekend’s violence happens here, I think of where we can start to mend. Protest…sure. Pray…absolutely…and maybe also just lean in, across the table, over some food we both enjoy…and eat together.

Healing Race Relations Over Dinner – CNN –

The Lessons of an Inner City Hospital – God Loves Us All the Same – DebMillsWriter

President’s Choice – #EatTogether Campaign – #150Canada

PC Gets the Country to #EatTogether

TEDx Talk – The Importance of Eating Together – Karen Hickson-Smith

Worship Wednesday – Even If – MercyMe

Photo Credit: Into Weakness

“If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” – Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego – Daniel 3:17-18

Any one of us who grew up in church has heard the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Three young Jewish men exiled to Babylon. Three young men who were tasked to serve King Nebuchadnezzar in his palace. Three young men who worshiped the Creator God and Him alone.

In the historical account (Daniel 3), the Babylonian king ordered all in his realm to bow before a golden statue. Anyone who did not bow would be thrown to his death in a fiery furnace. These three would not bow. Their answer to the king (stated above) was a proclamation of their God’s ability to save them from death…and even if he did not save them, it did not matter. He alone would they serve.

What If the Worst Happens? – Desiring God – Vaneetha Rendall Risner

This past Sunday morning after the early service at Movement Church, we drove a few blocks away to attend the worship service of Patterson Avenue Baptist Church.Photo Credit: Patterson Ave. Baptist Church, Bill Nieporte

That day we visited with a congregation who would gather two more Sundays and then disband as an organized church. We sat under the inspired and powerful preaching of Dr. Bill Nieporte. Dr. Nieporte didn’t flinch as he talked about their church “dying…but dying well”. He, nor any of the sweet believers we met that day, had been able to turn around the seeming inevitable. As an older congregation, their numbers continued to fall even in the midst of committed ministry to their community. They knew they would too soon get to the place they wouldn’t be able to manage the expenses of the facility itself.

With what Dr. Nieporte called “courageous faith”, they have given this magnificent old church building to Movement Church. Movement is rapidly growing out of our rented space, and you can imagine what an incredibly generous gift this is.

Historic Richmond Church Closing – Bill Nieporte

The congregation of Patterson Ave. Baptist Church is essentially passing a torch to our church to continue to be a light of God’s love to the community they have loved for so many years. One dear man we met, in his 70s, had been a part of this church his whole life (since “cradle roll”).

I’ve been so personally overwhelmed by this generous gift of those fellow believers…strangers until this past Sunday. Many shook our hands, some with tears in their eyes…welcoming us to what would become our own church gathering place. How humbling for us and how challenging as well.

As the pastor gently guided his church through their grieving, he talked of how God, throughout history has moved His people. In two Sundays, they would be “moved” from that location. He even soberly spoke of how a time might come, just as it did for them, when Movement Church could also be called by God one day to relinquish that property. The sanctuary was silent in the gravity of his words.

The place where we call home is far less important than the Person with whom we are home.

The most beautiful part of his message was that God moves His people, but He never leaves us. He is always with us wherever we are. Whether a palace or a furnace situation…He is with us.

“The next stage of our journey begins in two weeks. Stay on the path. Remain in the journey. God will walk with you every step of the way.” – Pastor Nieporte

[Your prayers are much appreciated for the dear church family of Patterson Ave. Baptist Church. Also for their pastor, Bill Nieporte, who not only loses his church family, but his work as their pastor, too.]

Now…back to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego:

When Bart Millard, lead singer of the Christian band MercyMe, wrote the lyrics to Even If, he had to have been inspired by those young men who went through fire, believing God alone was worthy of their worship. That story is riveting because God did save Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (in fact, He, in some form, walked with them through the fire). However, God did not save them FROM the fire but THROUGH the fire.Photo Credit: YouTube, MercyMe

Millard’s own life and family experiences have at times been a saving “through the fire”.

“God is worthy long before any of those circumstances even showed up. In fact, what Christ has already done on the cross is probably the only thing we need to get through those circumstances. It’s a foundation that was built long before those difficulties came to be. This song is a declaration to God that even if He went silent and never said another word, He’s still worthy to be praised and that He’s our greatest hope in the midst of the trial.” Bart Millard

Worship with me, please.

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now
Right now I’m losing bad

I’ve stood on this stage
Night after night
Reminding the broken
It’ll be alright
But right now
Oh right now I just can’t

It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You’re able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Good thing
A little faith is all I have right now

But God when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Give me the strength
To be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know the sorrow
I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

You’ve been faithful
You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can

It is well with my soul*

YouTube Video – Even If – MercyMe – Heart Behind the Song

*Lyrics – Even If

Monday Morning Moment – Are You Listening? Or Are You Silencing Voices?

Photo Credit: Flickr

Let’s start on the grandest scale possible. Even the God of the universe invites us to speak to Him…and He listens and actually hears us.

Something to aim for with each other…on the smallest scale of our lives.

We love when little babies recognize our voices as attached to people they have grown to know and love in their short lives. Then they discover their own voices, and we celebrate that milestone. That magical power of making their observations and requests understood must be life-changing for them…and for us.

At some point, years down the road, we begin to tune out a little…and we model it for them, farther down the road.

This “tuning out” is why courses in active listening abound in universities, and not just in the communications department.

In our adult lives, of work and community, we are wise to take a measured look, from time to time, at how we listen and whether we silence the voices around us by our behavior.

Leadership coach Kate Nasser posted a bold article on the workplace scenario of silencing employees.

She doesn’t hold back on leaders’ responsibility in this, but I view this as applicable to any part of our community, whether it be marriage, family, friendship, or religious/political affiliation. A brief summary of Nasser’s 15-point checklist follows:

  1.  Look unapproachable.
  2.  Have a thin skin and make it about you.
  3.  Do not ask for input.
  4.  Bully and berate others or their ideas.
  5.  Speak only to those who make you comfortable.
  6.  Ignore ones who raise issues.
  7. Create a hierarchy of those you speak with and those you don’t.
  8.  Claim you want innovation but demand proof during the creative phase.
  9.  Take credit for others’ ideas.
  10.   Accuse and blame in public.
  11.   Nit-pick on details when ideas are first offered.
  12.   Change the subject without acknowledging what was said.
  13.   Pit one person against another.
  14.   Override every decision others make.
  15.   Lead chaotically with constant exaggerations and untruths.

Insidious Leadership: Are You Silencing Employees? – Kate Nasser

Whew! That was rough, huh? None of us are probably characterized by all those points. However, did any of them smart a little? We don’t want to be that kind of person…probably none of us…that kind of person who, by our behavior and attitude, silence another person’s voice. We all lose when that happens.

Dealing with our realities helps us to listen actively. Our realities may include over-work, weighty responsibility, and seemingly inadequate freedom or resources to make change. Don’t we want to be active listeners…to gain from those around us and empower them to be successful? We can become effective listeners again.

YouTube Video – The Power of Listening – William Ury – TEDxSanDiego

We may think we are good listeners. We make eye contact. We “give face” to those around us. However…hear this. Do others’ ideas make us tired? Do we have a strong grip on “the way it is” and have no intention on giving way…no matter how well we think we’re listening. Author and mediator William Ury (see TED Talk above) speaks of true communication through “a listening revolution”. First we listen to ourselves to discover our own desires, dreads, and dreams. Then we learn how to listen with understanding and with the determination of acting on what we hear. Actually, listening, with the goal of understanding, is the first action we take.

“Give them our full attention and listen to the human being behind the words, because one of the biggest gifts we can give anyone is the gift of being heard.”William Ury

Photo Credit: Flickr

I’ve had more experiences than usual with doctors over this past year. As we all know, they have the reputation for not being “good listeners”, for not “giving voice”. I can tell you the ones I hope not to see again or the ones who are visibly backing out the door before my questions have been answered. There are still others who “give face” – eye contact and a seemingly engaged look (from years of practice maybe) – who have clearly still moved on to the next patient, even while still standing by my bed.

Then…there is the one or two – those beloved physicians – who actually sit by us, in the exam or hospital room. They treat us as if we’re the only patient they have that day. We talk together, and I know that we are partners in keeping me healthy. Right? Partners – not the greater and the lesser actors in a scene, but partners.

Kudos to you out there – physicians, bosses, colleagues, spouses, parents, children – who don’t just have the look of listening or communicate some sort of nuanced “I hear you”. Kudos to you who really listen and engage with the other.

We are not all just a set of ideas or opinions. Real people bring a voice to the table. When we communicate that we are too busy or too important or too settled already on a decision to consider one more voice, we speak volumes about our own character…and eventually the product or service we have to offer.

[I’m preaching to myself here…reminded of the God of the universe who takes the time and action to assure us that we will be heard… when we speak to Him. Sometimes, I cry out to this small world of mine, demanding to be heard…when there is a place, a Person, who always welcomes me. Please forgive my waxing a bit philosophical or theological. For me, it’s a good place to start in 1) sorting out what exactly I want to voice, and 2) practicing listening to another with the same honor/respect I wish for myself.]

We are not just the ones who silence voices or the ones who feel we are not being heard. We can be both, and usually are.

Listening, determined to understand, brings us closer to both leading well and following better. Something to think about on this Monday morning.

Don’t miss the links below. Really excellent reads on how we silence one another’s voices and how to we turn it around.

Insidious Leadership: Are You Silencing Employees? – Kate Nasser

Can Your Employees Really Speak Freely? – James R. Detert & Ethan R. Burris – Harvard Business Review

6 Reasons Employees Must Speak Up to Thrive at Work – Glenn Llopis

7 Tips for Wooing Your Employees Into Loving Their Jobs, Again – Matt Straz

Monday Morning Moment – Ignoring in the Workplace and the Powerful Practice of Noticing – DebMillsWriter