Being an extrovert is a bit of a curse, isn’t it? Verbally-processing introverts struggle as well. That need…that compulsion…to get words out of our heads and in the open. We who suffer with this understand the wild nature of words. For those who don’t have this same impulse, you may also suffer under the weight of our words.
This is a public confession and redress of this particular conundrum.
[For those of you, like me, who feel sometimes your head might fairly explode if you don’t voice your thoughts so you can find resonance with a hearer, you are free to read the last two paragraphs first.]
I grew up with good teaching from an introverted mom who knew the power of words…and the importance of using them wisely.
Good counsel. Only problem is the continuing conversation in our heads that color our attitudes, our tone of voice, our preferences, and our decisions. These we still must wrestle down and be done with.*
First, this is not a guilting of any sort. For myself or anyone else. We who restrain words understand the risk we take in speaking… especially those things we feel almost an obligation to say. Those words we think will somehow right a tilting world. Those words we feel entitled to. The words that state our case or that of another.
Second, we know, often too late, that words not spoken are rarely misunderstood. Of course, silence can be deafening as well, but we have to put our own meaning into someone else’s silence. With spoken words, it’s clear what a person is thinking. So it needs to be worth speaking. The hearer may have a very different take on the matter. Thus the risk and wariness that must accompany speaking boldly.
Third, does what we think need to be said? Will it make a difference in the positive to what’s going on in our heads? Or will what we say only add to a problem, rather than bringing it closer to resolution?
There’s a pithy and true saying floating around the internet about thinking before you speak. Here is a visual of it.
Along with this, these days, is Think Before You Post. How many times have we deleted a Facebook or Twitter post put up in haste, hoping it came down before being read by those significant in our lives who would be hurt or offended by it? Sigh…Photo Credit: Flickr
Is our opinion so valuable as to cause pain to those who matter to us? Not. At. All.
All that being said, finally, what do we do with the words building in our heads about massive concerns, witnessed injustices, shifts in worldview or mission drifts? There are words, as I see it, that have to be expressed almost to understand the whole picture of a thing going on. These words, raw and impassioned, we don’t speak randomly or post publicly (except in the rare occasion of stopping harm). These words if expressed may only yield spiritual reprimands, or hurt silences, or long tirades from disagreeing hearers/readers. The words that must be said, words that you know may have disastrous consequence, might need the hearing only of a trusted friend…at least at first. This sort of friend will hopefully help guide you to sort out that which does not need to be said and what does – to whom, in what manner, and on what occasion.
Oh the wisdom in thinking before we speak. How thankful I am for those trusted friends who refuse to think ill of me when words spill over! Friends, and family, who know my heart is not meant to wound, who help me sort out my words and what to do with them. Friends who know I take no joy or satisfaction in anything bordering on gossip or slander. Friends who listen, and may agree and resonate, but counsel with me – about what must be shared and what is best left unsaid. Friends who pray with me and remind me to pray. In my book, that is never spiritualizing…prayer is as real a thing as all those thoughts that can rob me of sleep…but so much better.Photo Credit: Flickr, J. D. Hancock
Anybody out there have the same struggle? Or a different struggle with words? Any helps you want to share? Shoot us some of your words in Comments below.
Happy Friday! Hope this week was kind to you. Here are my 5 most favorite finds of the week for you.
1)St. Patrick’s Day – Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit!Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Wearing green. Corned beef and cabbage…and my family background is Scottish. Still love celebrating this day a bit. Photo Credit: Flickr
Also planning to watch the David Kidd documentary Patrick. A friend who heard David Kidd speak recently shared the following with me via email this morning – notes from his talk on the real Patrick (legends removed):
He was born in 396 AD and died in 471 AD.
Patrick was a man brought up on a Romano British Christian home somewhere in southwest Britain (his father was a deacon and grandfather a priest).
He was kidnapped at 16 (he said he didn’t really know God at that time), trafficked, and taken to the West Coast of Ireland where he worked as a shepherd and learned Irish.
As a slave, Patrick came to see the hand of God in his troubles. God broke through his defenses, and Patrick faced his unbelief and pride. Later he described how he turned to God whom he realized had been watching over him all the time. He became aware of God’s protection, and he discovered that God loved him as a father loves his son.
Before this, he had ‘sinned’ – something that ‘lasted an hour’ and he believed that God punished him.
God spoke to him in a dream about a ship to take him home. At 22, he managed to escape slavery.
At home, he had another dream of the people in Ireland calling him back.
He was obedient to the Spirit and went back to West Ireland (the ends of the earth at that time).
He was beaten, harassed by thieves and robbers, admonished by his British superiors, but his work grew and he remained humble.
He protested against injustice, esteemed women highly, and identified himself as Irish.
His legacy was a vibrant Christianity which lasted hundreds of years while Britain and Europe fell into the Dark Ages.
What we can do to honor Patrick’s memory?
The Past: Remember a humble man who had been mistreated, heard from God, obeyed, loved his enemies, lived his life for Jesus, and made a significant difference – not just in Ireland, but much of Europe.
The Present: Use Patrick’s life to help people focus on what really matters.
The Future: Be as faithful as Patrick and live for Jesus and His Kingdom – making a difference in this world with fruit that lasts.
2) Beauty and the Beast Guitar Arrangement – Yesterday the live action Disney film Beauty and the Beast debuted in the US. Articles abound about the production – its beauty and grand scenes. Other articles raise the question of whether it is as family-friendly as the Disney animated classic by the same name. Everyone will have to decide for themselves about whether to watch this film and how often. One very easy decision would be watching the just-released classical guitar arrangement by Nathan Mills (Beyond the Guitar).
It is beautiful, even with less-grand scenes, and its own Belle and wee beast. It is definitely family-friendly and the music is lovely. Enjoy!
Tenacity is that characteristic in a person or group that keeps her/them moving forward – persistence, resolve, determination.Photo Credit: Pixabay
Read the article for examples Crowley gives, and here’s his illuminating summary:
Tenacity has many manifestations for founders and their startups. At the beginning, it’s often deeply tied to identity. Giving up one’s idea feels like giving up on oneself. After hitting early milestones, tenacity is confidence. But it’s best tempered with humility, so as to avoid flying too high on early wins. As a company scales, tenacity is focus. There will be accompanying growing pains as customers sign up, headcount grows and the market responds. Anchor and orient yourself by asking: what is this supposed to be when it grows up? When the going gets tough, tenacity is grit. Don’t look externally to others to build what you need — you’ll be waiting longer than you want. Do it yourself. Lastly, tenacity is culture and a private truth. Tenacity at scale will both involve and elude people. What guides the team isn’t always accurately reflected in the public’s perception. An informed, committed team around you is the best way to drown out the noise and to march toward achieving your biggest goals.
“These different facets of tenacity are important insofar as invoking them keeps your legs moving and charging forward. Growing a company is an impossibly hard endeavor — many wouldn’t start if they knew just how difficult it is,” Crowley says. “But the early stories of most successful companies are often those in which no one thought it could be done. In fact, if you asked them, those founders probably didn’t know if they could do it either. But if you can get there — if you stick to what you set out to do — it can put you in an amazingly powerful and defensible position.”
4) Manliness – We should affirm, empower, and let loose women to fulfill their callings, giftings, and places in the world. Not being sexist, the same is true for men, of course. That’s why I appreciate the website/podcast the Art of Manliness. The Art of Manliness aims to encourage our readers to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens — a new generation of great men (the About page).
I don’t go with everything on this website but some of the content is fascinating and extremely helpful. I hope never to have to jump from a speeding car but knowing it’s possible to walk away from such a situation made me interested in reading about it.
This information isn’t just for men, but some of the entries are male-specific. We women write volumes about how to be “better women”. I’m glad there are men (and women) are writing for men in this way.
5) Embracing the Life You Have – We have all experienced losses. We grieve…and grieve again. As time goes by, the grief changes, but that doesn’t mean it has to change us. At least not in an unhealthy way. John Piper speaks about this so eloquently and tenderly:
I have in mind two kinds of losses: those who had something precious and lost it, and those who hoped for something precious and never had it. It works both ways. Sixty years go by, and forty years on you think, “I’ve come to terms with that,” and then one morning it breaks over you, and you weep about a 40-year old loss, or a 40-year “never have,” and my counsel is, yes, go ahead, embrace that moment. Weep.
But then, say to your weeping after a season, “No. You will not define me, sorrow, because my God has said, ‘No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly’ (Psalm 84:11). Therefore, even though it was good in one sense, and I miss it in one sense, I trust my God, and he has not withheld anything that is good for me.” Yes, let there be weeping in those seasons — feel the losses. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life he’s given you. – John Piper
As one who struggles with waves of grief out of nowhere…thank you, Dr. Piper.
Principal Financial Group has been running a series of commercials with the theme Life Doesn’t Always Go According to Plan. Three of their commercials follow. Sweet messaging…
Be gentle with yourself and each other. Serve somebody, and be safe out there. [Oh, and please share in Comments your favorites of the week. Thanks!]
Who are the Refugees? Which are their Host Countries? Take a Guess.
Happy Friday – Friday the 13th…and the sun finally came out. This weekend looks to be great fun – with the birthday of our youngest, the Lebanese Food Festival, a friend’s baptism in the James River, and whatever else comes along. Hope your weekend looms as quiet or as hopping as you need after this week’s work. Here are my favorites for this Friday. Any you want to share?
1) Millennials in the Workplace (ebook) – By 2025, millennials (those born between 1981-2000) are predicted to make up 75% of the workforce. This generation of young professionals has arrived and rather than being over-analyzed and criticized, we are short-sighted not to equip them to take over one day. We all know that first week of work experience – grueling mind-numbing orientation. Why do we keep doing it “like we always have” and not change it up to meet the needs of this generation? Bridge is helping companies begin to do that brilliantly: Bridge’s features are designed to empower simple, intuitive learning that’s delivered to your mobile, active employees, anywhere, anytime on any device. Bridge provides you with real data and real insights about your employees’ learning, which can lead to real progress.Start with their short and extremely insightful freeebook on millennials in the workplace. Your thinking on training and development will be changed and millennials will thank you.Photo Credit: GetBridge
2) The Garden in Between – In Richmond, we’re in that period of the waning early Spring garden. I will miss the Irises especially. As flowers curl up and petals fall, the wise gardener (my husband) has prepared, seasons ago, for new blooms to appear in glorious freshness. Walking around the garden early this morning brought sweet discoveries – the first Gerber Daisy (a gift from a friend last year), the last bloom of our Irises, the first blooms on the Lamb’s Ear, green Hydrangea clusters, and, finally, my husband’s “happy flowers” coming back – hardy little Begonias blooming again this year.
3) Productivity Tips (Infographic) – Being truly productive is hugely important to me – not just staying busy or having lots of meetings, but being genuinely productive. I’ve written about productivity before here – focusing on Chris Bailey’s A Life of Productivity. I’m a visual learning so infographs are like candy. Wrike developed a helpful one entitled 50 Productivity Tips to Boost Your Brainpower. Really excellent. Any of these especially effective in your pursuit of productivity? [There’s a link at the bottom of the infographic that supposedly spells out each tip in detail, but I couldn’t make it work. So here’s a quick read by Tim Ferriss on his productivity tricks.]
4) Chicken Fiesta – My husband has been meeting with friends and colleagues at Chicken Fiesta for quite some time. For me, it took awhile because I’m not usually into Mexican food – hard on my tummy. However, this cool little restaurant has made me a recent convert. Great grilled meats and the sides are fresh and not overly seasoned. They have extra sauces you can add to take the flavors of the foods different directions. Straight-up satisfying lunch place for me. What’s a favorite of yours where you are? (Comment below).Photo Credit: RVA News
5) Old Family Film Favorites – We all have favorite films from our children’s childhoods. I’m actually not really sure how favorite the two below are to them…but they were favorites of mine. Fly Away Home, (1996, Columbia Pictures) has packaged so much story in a small film – family drama (not a Disney film, but the mother still dies), spectacular scenery, majestic Canadian geese (from gosling to migration), and a perfect song. Below is a sweet sample of the movie with Mary Chapin Carpenter’s 10,000 Miles as soundtrack.
Then there’s my all-time-snuggle-up-with-the-kids favorite: Disney’s The Kid. Of course, they were big kids when it was released (2000), so it made snuggle-time all the more precious and rare. Disney’s The Kid is a magical story of a man clearly successful but missing the “most important’s” of life. Then just before his 40th birthday, an 8y/o version of himself (Rusty) and a much older Russ all somehow share life in a way that brings healing and resolution of some deep childhood wounds. [It’s a Disney film – sorry, but the mother dies.] Bruce Willis plays Russ, and Spencer Breslin is Rusty. Their dialogues are sometimes hilarious/sometimes touching – always endearing. The clip below isn’t great quality but it’s all I could find to show the scene late in the movie when the elder Russ finally reveals himself to the younger Russ/Rusty. The story all comes together joyfully. Buy this or rent it – for a weekend snuggle.
Redheads go way back in our family history. My grandmother, Sarah Daisy Byrd, a descendant of both the Bruce and Wallace clans of Scotland, had red hair. I only knew her as a lovely, sometimes spirited, white-haired grandma, but her red hair popped back up in blond sons with red-haired daughters.
Brave, the Disney Pixar animated film, featured the stunning heroine, Merida, as that consummate redhead – thick, curly, copper-colored long hair. Hard to manage, like Merida. I didn’t care for the Celtic magic in a film for children but the Scottish accents, all the action, and Merida’s hair were amazing.Photo Credit: BiMag
Have you watched the PBS series Grantchester (Seasons 1 and 2, so far)? The hero is an Anglican priest, Sidney Chambers, who serves God and helps the local police detective solve crimes. James Norton, the actor, is not a natural redhead, but I’m glad he is for this series. He’s such an impassioned tormented fellow, the red hair suits him.Photo Credit: Pinterest, Grantchester
So that’s all I have for today, really. I would love you to post (in comments below) pics of/links to one of your favorite redheads. I’m hoping our children will have at least one red-haired offspring in their years of birthing children…but if not, I will love those fair- or dark-haired little ones completely anyway. Besides, fortunately I get to love on red-haired children of friends already….so good to go. [Oh…not the lasses in pic below, but aren’t they adorable?!]Photo Credit: Reddit
Post-script: These two gingers are brother and sister (see them with their dark-haired brother in pic above). Aren’t they sparkly?! Love that girl especially!
It’s that glorious Friday again. Here are my favorite finds of the week:
1) Video Games – What is the appeal of video games for our boys and men? It is a mystery to me. I do understand the gaming camaraderie between players – some friends, some strangers who become friends, kinda sorta. The cutting-edge graphics designed mostly for the eyes of our guys are clearly appealing. And levels…oh, the levels keep our boys and men coming back for the challenge – the competition on an even playing field – without judging from outsiders. Well, except for the occasional run-ins with wife or mother. Lastly, it’s the welcome mindlessness, I’m thinking. The momentary escape from organic chemistry, or frustrating job, or Master’s thesis, or [fill in the blank].
We all have indulgent time-wasters, and I battled with my boys over video games more than I should have. My regret over that transformed into joy this week, as the guitarist son of mine actually turned a video game theme into a lovely work on classical guitar. Who would have thought it? To see Nathan smile (at minute 1:40 in video) makes me wonder at the sweet memory he has of that game’s music. Hello again, Legend of Zelda. Don’t remember you like this.
2) NFL Man of the Year – I’m not a big football fan, but when we came across the NFL Honors program the night before the Superbowl I was intrigued. Football seems all about leaving it on the field. This was a salute to a band of brothers and the stand-outs among them, both on the field and off. There were three nominees for the Walter Payton Man of the Year Award for 2015 – Anquan Boldin, Eli Manning, and Benjamin Watson. Each man’s character and philanthropic work were highlighted in video vignettes. With all the tabloid coverage of the antics of some of our professional athletes, it was inspiring to see how others spend their off-season time. Anquan Boldin, the San Francisco 49ers wide receiver, received this year’s award from the Payton family. Read more about Anquan’s work in the global community here.Photo Credit: Mercury News
Another highlight of the Man of the Year NFL Honors focus was a welcome reminder of Benjamin Watson and his redemptive statement on Facebook (regarding the 2014 Ferguson Decision). In this profession of moneyed celebrity, it was refreshing to see upclose the caliber of such men as Boldin, Manning, and Watson.
3) Hospitality – Hospitality is defined at Google as “the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.”We live in a culture today of “come as you are; just hanging out with friends; bring your own food/beverage”. I love the comfortable sound and easy experience of that. However, I hope we don’t lose the great global habit of extending generous hospitality – where nothing is expected but the welcome presence of the guest. We lived for many years in North Africa where they expect hospitality of themselves and they lavish it on their guests. Even in the poorest of homes, the cookies and fruit are beautifully presented, and the tea is poured with great ceremony. I learned so much from my Arab and Berber friends and neighbors…and don’t want to forget ever to extend hospitality. There is a difference between service and hospitality – described in TED Talks and distinctive in industry. [I wrote about this here.]
“Hospitality is about looking out instead of looking in…I can look outward and help someone else.” – Bobby Stuckey. The Bible is full of examples of hospitality and encouragements toward it. We are to extend blessing even as far as to our enemies. Benjamin Corey writes eloquently about this Biblical hospitality. Finally, Rosaria Butterfield, in her book The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convertsays this: “Hospitality means bringing the stranger in…you have to meet and respect people where they are…I believe strongly that hospitality is just the ground zero of the Christian life, and of evangelism, and of everything else that we do, apart from the formal worship of God.”Photo Credit: Amazon.com
It’s good to remember that we can extend hospitality in a less-than-perfect house, where toys are still scattered and books a bit piled. It’s more the attitude of the heart in celebrating the other. Also, by definition, hospitality doesn’t have to be based in the home. I will never forget spotting a friend, whose husband was also in graduate school, walking up my driveway, with a pot of coffee and favorite mugs. It turned my morning of home-schooling littles in something altogether other. Extending hospitality…mobile and on-the-fly.
Darling gives 6 helps in writing: 1) I don’t wait for inspiration, for a cabin next to a mountain stream, or a light bulb. I just write; 2) I write from my passions on topics that interest me; 3) Always be cultivating and chronicling ideas; 4) I try to be curious and always learning; 5) I write in short bursts, in the margins of life; and 6) I try not to be a jerk. Don’t miss how he fills out the story on these points on his blog.
5) Animal Courage – When our kids were small and we were living overseas, we took with us this wildlife video entitled The Bear. Like other children’s videos (a lot from Disney), there were story bits that needed processing with a loving adult (like how often the mom dies in these stories…sigh). The Bear was filmed with an intentionality of demonstrating the real life struggle of life in the wild for these animals. Also depicted was the almost-human qualities of care and courage in these animals. I have used one scene of this movie in talks over the years on how gracious it is to have an advocate. One stronger or more influential than we are who stands with us, sometimes out of sight, against an adversary. The plot story involves a bear cub, orphaned when his mother dies (again?!) and an older adult male, beleaguered himself by hunters and the sheer strain of survival sometimes, who becomes the cub’s protector. Here’s the scene (fast-forward to minute 2:30 for time’s sake if needed).
I love this scene. It actually reminds me of us sometimes…and God. We stand as tall as we can and roar (like a wee cub) against the wrongs of this world – wrongs against us sometimes. We are not always aware, but the LORD (I believe from experience and His Word) issues a God-sized roar against those same wrongs. Our adversaries will be reckoned with.
Happy Friday! Have a weekend full of extending and receiving hospitality, quiet times of refreshment, and reflection on the God who watches over us. Also, hug those video-gaming men of yours…when they take a break (don’t want them to lose a level in the midst of wrestling them down to the floor), right? Right.
Any favorites you want to share? Or memories…or words of wisdom. Would love to hear them (Comment below).
If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. – Isaac Newton
My dad always owned Ford pickup trucks. He taught me to drive in one of those trucks. Standard transmission and all. Dad said you always need a truck to haul stuff around. Mom loved using rocks to make walls for our yard, and he hauled those home for her.
The very last truck Dad bought was a bright red Dodge Ram pickup. He was in his late 80’s and would stop driving soon after, because of Alzheimer’s. He always wanted a red pickup…and this was his last one. Fancy.Photo Credit: The Car Connection
During the post-season of NFL football in the US, new commercials for all sorts of products abound. We football TV watchers actually look for them. Many are geared toward the men in the viewing audience – looking to buy “manly” stuff. Still, most products cross gender lines, and pickups definitely do. This commercial by Nissan promoting the 2016 Titan pickup truck is a huge marketing stand-out. Extraordinary, really.
90 seconds of beauty…poetry…honoring those who’ve gone before.
After watching it a few times already, I am completely enthralled. Who was on the creation team for it? Who came up with the “shoulders of giants” idea? Were they all in their 20’s or was this a multi-generational effort? I want to know these things.
An article from Auto News, gives a bit of the story of how a commercial like this one is born.
It was a bit outside the box when Nissan’s U.S. sales chief, Fred Diaz, recruited Jeremy Tucker from Disney last fall to head Nissan marketing.
Tucker put the question directly to his future boss.
“I told Fred, I’m not a car guy,” says Tucker. “I’m a consumerist. I love humans. I love marketing. I’m an idea guy. I’m trained as a storyteller. I learned the philosophy of ‘imagineering’ from Disney. So how do you bring together that dreaming and doing?
“And Fred said, ‘That’s exactly what I want.'”
Jeremy Tucker further had this to say about marketing in a field out of his expertise (cars/trucks), “I’m looking at it all through a fresh lens — through the eyes of people and families, and through the lens of passion and engagement. My job is to bring all that together, to bring collaboration and new ideas to build relationships with the consumer.”
A Forbes article points out the uniqueness of one company (Nissan)honoring the greatness of those who went before – Ford, Chevrolet, and Dodge. Those “shoulders of giants” for Nissan.
“We wanted to reach out to areas where no man has gone before, and we’ve done just that,” Diaz said. “By showing and acknowledging, or saying thank you to people you’re about to go to battle with, or compete with, is something you just don’t see, and that’s what we needed to do.”
While sure to turn some heads because of its unusual approach, the ad is consistent with what Tucker called “Nissan’s marketing strategy of leveraging big cultural moments”.
When you think of the airing of this commercial during the NFL playoffs and Superbowl, Diaz’ words are packed with meaning, beyond the choice of a pickup truck.
So here’s to the creators of the 2016 Nissan Titan XD and to the creators of its promotional ad. Wow! 30 years ago, my husband bought his very first new vehicle – it was the Nissan D21 Hardbody pickup. When we were overseas, his dad used it and was kind to give it back to Dave now that we’re back. 30 years and still going. That’s what you can expect from a company that learns from the giants who went before…and understands the importance of knowing your culture and telling stories that touch the heart of that culture.