Category Archives: Character

Remembering 9/11 – and the Day Before – a Story of God and a Girl

[From the Archives]

Today marks the eve of the 18th anniversary of the 9/11 bombings in the US. We all have our stories of where we were when we heard that terrible news. I heard the news as an elevator door opened in a hospital emergency room in Cairo, Egypt. The surgeon watching for us to deliver the patient walking into the elevator, saying, “I am so, so sorry.” I thought he was referring to the precious one on the stretcher beside me, so small and injured from a terrible bus accident the day before. It turns out he was talking about the news that traveled instantly from the States about the bombings. I’d like to go back to the day before. For us, it would help to go there, before I can ever process the grief of this day that we all share.

It was like any other Monday, that bright, warm September 10th in Cairo, Egypt…until the phone call. Janna was on the other end of the call, telling me that Genessa and April had been in a bus accident on the Sinai. April had called her and relayed their location, at a hospital in Sharm el-Sheikh. These were girls in our Middle Eastern Studies Program, and they were finishing their time with us, taking a vacation together. They would re-trace some of their experiences in Bedouin villages across the Sinai and then enjoy a few days on the Red Sea. They were to return that Monday, traveling in on one of the over-night buses across the desert.

Details will have to wait for another time, but with this information, my husband, Dave, left immediately with Janna and a local Egyptian friend who was also one of our language coaches. He took these two women because of their relationship with each other and with all of us. He also understood that there were two injured friends hours away in a hospital who would need women to minister to their needs. I would be praying and on the phone the rest of the day with families, other friends, US Embassy people, and our other young people in the program. I can’t begin to describe the emotional nature of that day…not knowing, hoping, praying.

When Dave and our friends arrived at the hospital, he was directed to April. She had painful, serious injuries, but none life-threatening, praise God. Then he was escorted into the critical care area to see Genessa. To his horror, it wasn’t Genessa. It was another young woman, unconscious – an Italian tourist, who rode in the same ambulance with April. April, lucid and still able to communicate, had tried to comfort her on that long dark ride to the hospital. Personal belongings were all scrambled at the wreck site, and the authorities made the mistakened decision that because April was speaking to her, she was Genessa.

Then Dave went on the search for our dear one…somewhere else in the Sinai. He back-tracked toward the site of the accident, checking other hospitals where other injured were taken. At this point, he was also talking to US Embassy staff, as he drove through the desert. Just shortly before he arrived at the hospital where he would find Genessa, the staff person told him they confirmed her identification from a credit card she had in her pocket…in the morgue of that small village hospital.

Dave and Janna, that friend who received the first phone call, stood beside this precious girl’s body, to make the formal identification…to know for sure that this was Genessa. And it was…and yet not. She, the luminous, laughing, loving girl we knew, was gone. It was more than any of us who loved her could take in on that Monday evening in Cairo, Egypt…the day before 9/11.

http://debmillswriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Genessa-with-team1.jpg

As they left the hospital to return to April, two more friends joined them from Cairo to help. For any of you who have been completely spent in every way by such a day, you can understand what it was for them to look up and see Matt and Richard getting out of a car. God in His great goodness alerted them, stirred their hearts to drive all those hours…and then to arrive…just when they were most needed. So many arrangements had to be made…and most importantly, at that moment, to get April back safely and quickly to Cairo for surgery.

She came into Cairo on a plane near the middle of the day of 9/11. By the time we got her from the airport in an ambulance to the specialty hospital to get the further care she needed, a series of horrific events had begun taking place in the US. We would hear of them from this caring Egyptian surgeon…who had no idea how numb we were from losing Genessa and how concerned we were that April got what she needed as soon as possible. We were already so drenched by grief, this unfathomable news about the bombings washed over us without understanding the scope of it…the pain of it…for all the rest of America.

Later in that day, with April receiving the best care possible, and me watching by her side, I could take in some of the loss coming at us on the small t.v. mounted in the hospital room. Egyptians were telling us how so, so sorry they were for us (as Americans). If they only knew, they were our mourners for our loss of Genessa, too. In the din of world-changing news, and a country brought together in grief…we grieved, too, a continent away…for the losses of 9/11 and the day before.

That was 18 years ago…April healed from her injuries (only she and God know what all that took on the inside), the other young people in our program have gone on to careers and families across the US and around the world. We have also gone on…back to the US for now, and to other work.

Two things have not changed…a beautiful girl, who fell asleep by the window of a bus in the Sinai night and woke up in Heaven… and the God who welcomed her Home. There is so much, much, more to this story, but I have to close with this. As her family back in the US were pulling the pieces of their lives back together, and going through Genessa’s things, they found a little cassette player on her bed…there left by her, two years before, as she left for Cairo. In it was a cassette where she’d made a tape of her singing one of her favorite songs, I Long for the Day, by singer/songwriter Dennis Jernigan. If we look at Genessa’s life through the lens of some American dream, then we would think how tragic to die so young, so full of promise. Look through the lens of how much she loved God, and knowing Him was what mattered most to her…and all who knew her knew His love through her.

This God…and this girl.  Genessa

 I Long for the Day by Dennis Jernigan

I long for the day when the Lord comes and takes me away!

Whether by death or if You come for me on a horse so white

And anyway You come will be alright with me

I long to just hear You said, “Now is the time. Won’t you come away?”

And I’ll take Your hand, surrendering completely to You that day!

And no, I can’t contain the joy that day will bring!

Chorus:

When I get to see You face to face

When I can finally put sight to the Voice I’ve embraced

It will be worth all the waiting for that one moment I’ll be celebrating You!

When I get to feel Your hand in mine

When I can finally be free from this prison called time

When You say, “Child, I’ve been waiting for this one moment of celebrating, too!

For this one moment of celebrating you!”

O Lord, while I wait, I will cling to each word that You say.

So speak to my heart; Your voice is life to me, be it night or day.

And anything You say will be alright with me.

You see my heart’s greatest need

You and me, walking intimately.

You’re my only love, and I am waiting patiently for Your call.

When You call me to Your side eternally.

(Chorus Repeat)

Lord, I celebrate You!

Forever with You! No crying there.

Forever with You! No burden; no more worldly cares.

My heart is anticipating eternally with you celebrating You!

Forever with You I long to be;

Forever worshipping, knowing You intimately!

When You say, “Child, no more waiting” [No more waiting, children]

I’ll spend forever just celebrating You.

I’ll see all my loved ones gone before

I’ll get to be with them, laugh with them, hold them once more

There’ll be no more separating! [No separating]

Together we will be celebrating You!

Together we’ll worship You and sing.

Forever praising Lord Jesus, our Savior and King.

When You say, “Child, no more waiting” [No more waiting, children]

Enter your rest, and start celebrating, too.

Forever Lord, I’ll be celebrating You.

Chorus Repeat:

When I get to see You face to face

When I can finally put sight to the Voice I’ve embraced

It will be worth all the waiting for that one moment of celebrating You!

When I get to feel Your hand in mine

When I can finally be free from this prison called time

When You say, “Child, I’ve been waiting for this one moment of celebrating, too!

For this one moment of celebrating you!”

Dennis Jernigan, from the album I Belong to Jesus (Volume 2)

Monday Morning Moment – A Store Opens and a Business Thrives – Thanks to a Decades-Old Business Philosophy Still Relevant Today

In all the years I’ve known Dave’s Uncle Bob, he made grocery shopping and restaurant meals more like field trips. He was a grocer for many years and then owned and operated restaurants later in life. Never meeting a stranger and one of the most kindly and engaged men I’ve ever known, he would talk to anyone who was willing. About the store/restaurant design, why the particular products or menu items, taking everything in through his experienced and cultivated senses. Then we would talk about it. “Do you see how they….?” “You know what she said about….?” I learned so much from him about customer service, product presentation, and business practices. He had a terrific understanding about what makes for excellence.

I think Uncle Bob and Mr. George could have had great talks.

George W. Jenkins, Jr. was the founder of Publix Supermarkets. He opened his first Publix food store in 1930, during the Great Depression. He and his store associates managed to make it through that trying time when so many businesses suffered or closed.

Last week, I attended the family night before the Grand Opening of another Publix Supermarket in Richmond, Va. We now have them all over the city, but they only arrived here in 2017. Richmond has several grocery store chains, and I wasn’t sure how Publix would do…but…it has prospered.

I learned much about the store at that pre-grand opening family night (store employees are called associates and the family night was for families of this latest store’s associates). The store was ready to go. Groceries, produce, prepared foods, meat and dairy were all in place in gleaming cases. For the families, snack stations were set up all over the store. It was yummy! Then we were gathered for the welcomes and introductions of different department leads. There was a prayer which I thought unusual but special. Then Mr. George’s name was often spoken as different individuals talked about how special Publix was to them through the years. The company seems not to have experienced mission drift in all these 89 years since the first store opening.

Todd Jones, the CEO of Publix Supermarkets, was present as well as several other regional executives. There was much applause as he asked for a show of hands of those who had worked for Publix from less than a year on up. Two persons had worked for 45 years at Publix. One of them had started as a bag boy, like Todd Jones himself. Whenever possible, Publix promotes from within. It was neat to see how employees could very naturally rise to the top as they took opportunity for training and leading over years of work.

I picked up a little booklet at the welcome table. It was entitled Lessons From Our Founder – Publix’s Founder George W. Jenkins. Here they are listed below:

  • Invest in others. – Publix is the largest employee-owned grocery chain in the US. Every employee (even parttimers after 1000 hrs. can buy stock. Ownership brings its own desire for excellence.
  • Give back. – Mr. George was a philanthropist throughout his life as a successful businessman. Once asked, “Mr. George, how much do you think you’d be worth today if you hadn’t give so much away?” His immediate response was: “Probably nothing.”
  • Prepare for opportunity. – Publix employees, or associates, have opportunities from the beginning to apply themselves toward excellence and future job advancement.
  • Be there. – Mr. George knew the importance of being present in his stores. CEO Todd Jones follows his example in attending store openings and celebrating associates’ advancement. Being there, at all levels, matters.
  • Respect the dignity of the individual. – Mr. George also always had an open door policy. He welcomed ideas. He allowed for mistakes. He cared about the associates. Each person brought something special to the work.
  • Treat customers like royalty. – This, for all of us customers, is the best part. No matter how beautiful the stores are or how good the food is…how we are treated is why we come back.

Do the right thing. – That was Mr. George’s summary on his business philosophy.

What company out there would not profit from such a corporate philosophy?

Finally, in case you don’t have a Publix in your city but run across one in your travels: the best cakes and fried chicken in our town now!

In the Words of Mr. George – Jennifer B.

5 Friday Faves – Gladiator on Guitar, Documentaries, Our Faces, Toni Morrison, and Families Sorting Out Trauma Together

It’s been a week! Babies and birthdays, neighborhood gatherings and sweet homecomings, diner dates and conversations in a late summer garden, walking with friends and working in solitude…life shared. Here we go with this week’s 5 favorite finds.

1) Gladiator on Guitar – I remember the only time I watched the film Gladiator. It was in a theater in Cairo with an Egyptian girlfriend. We both covered our eyes for more of the film than we watched. There is a scene where the military general turned slave turned gladiator (Russell Crowe) came into the arena. He bowed to the warriors selected to kill him, and then he killed them all. Bloody and horrific. Then he called out to the ruler and commoner audience, “Are you not entertained?!” Underneath his imploring, you can faintly hear the orchestral theme – composer Hans Zimmer‘s gripping theme “Now We Are Free” . Arranged and performed by Nathan Mills, at Beyond the Guitar, this song is so exquisite on classical guitar. Watch it here.

2) Documentaries – Film gives us the opportunity to engage with a story. Documentaries offer us a look into a real world we might never engage without a bit of a push or pull. 16 Bars is one of those films. It is the story of what happens when hip-hop artist Todd “Speech” Thomas spends 10 days in the Richmond, Virginia jail, giving voice to the inmates.

Photo Credit: Richmond

This effort was part of a recovery program to help those in jail not to become re-incarcerated after release. Thomas taught some of the men how to write and perform music (a 16 bar rap). What came out of that was both painful and hopeful. Beautiful. I am working on seeing the full film, but here is the trailer.

16 Bars – REAL LIFE

Do you have a favorite documentary? Three of mine are below along with one I’m looking forward to, still in production.

Nefarious: Merchant of Souls – documentary on the global sex trade

The Long Goodbye – Kara Tippetts Documentary – Jay Lyons

Bono & Eugene Peterson – The Psalms – Fourth Line Films

The Funeral Home [Now entitled The Passing On] – Teaser – Fourth Line Films – The Passing On Movie website

3) Our Faces – What do people around us see in our faces? What do we see in others? In T. S. Eliot‘s poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, there is a line about preparing our faces for the faces we meet. As in the phrase “putting on a face/mask”.

T. S. Eliot – The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock – Brandon Colas

We want to be real with each other, right? To be the real persons we are all the time, not to mask our faces differently depending on whom we have in front of us.

Is it the performance rather than the person with which we interact? We can default to vilifying the person when it’s really the performance that offends…or the opposite: placing people on pedestals…and we don’t really know them.

I don’t want to wear a mask; nor do I want to profile a person based on a mask. It is a discipline to keep from doing both.

I was so touched by a video I saw this week…wondering if it was truly authentic – it seemed to be – and the masks were off.

Two huge TV personalities Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper  talk together in a 20-minute interview on loss, faith, and humanity (shorter section of same interview). I don’t usually watch them, but a man I respect posted this on his Twitter feed and I was mesmerized by it…the honesty, the tenderness, and the understanding of shared experience.

Are They Seeing the Face of God in You? – Lisa Brenninkmeyer

4) Toni Morrison – On August 5, author Toni Morrison died at 88 years old. I thought she was younger.

Confession: I’ve never read any of her books. Now, I am reading what others write about her and know I need to at least hear something of her heart…and her wisdom.

The Wit and Wisdom of Toni Morrison

What have you read by this author of many books?

Here’s what Toni Morrison taught Brené Brown about parenting:

When a child walks into a room. She asked, “Does your face light up? When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What’s wrong now?”

“Let your face speak what’s in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I’m glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see?”Brené Brown

5) Families Sorting Out Trauma Together – We don’t watch R-rated movies at our house…so when I chose Rachel Getting Married, I knew it was risky. [FYI: This film has foul language and tortured emotional conversations throughout.] The story centers on a family wedding. One sister is marrying and another sister came home from a drug rehab program for the weekend’s events. The sweet moments feel guarded as fights break out regularly over the sister’s addiction and its impact on the family…and there’s the grief revolving around a younger brother who died in a car accident caused by his older sister high on drugs… Over and over, each in her/his own way, the wedding party (sisters, groom-to-be, parents, friends) deals with the undercurrent of anger and grief.Photo Credit: Roger Ebert

Why do I mention this film? It resonated with my own experience of family at times. We children, even into adulthood, could have doozies of disagreements. We rarely came to blows, but thankfully we didn’t have alcohol or drugs as part of our growing up. Like in this film, that would have caused a worse, more volatile situation.

The film was fictitious, I imagine, but the hurt in my heart, watching it, came from recognizing familiar signs of a family in trauma.

That old adage “Hurt people hurt people” comes to mind. In real life, we are wise to look past what offends our sensibilities, and reach out to those hurting in front of us. To listen, encourage, pray, understand. This film family sorted out their trauma together… without benefit of faith in God…but with a love for each other, broken but stronger together.

7 Ways to Help a Loved One Who Has Experienced Trauma by Elizabeth Clayton Lee

[By the way, our family as we have gotten older don’t have those fights anymore. Thankfully. So thankful to God, and parents who loved us through their own hard, and siblings who refused to give up on each other.]

___________________________________________________________________________

That’s it for this week. Would love for you to share any of your favorites of the week in the Comments below. Blessings always.

Bonuses:

Photo Credit: Facebook, Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office

Goodbye Nursing Homes! The New Trend is Co-Housing with Friends – and Richmond CoHousing

Photo Credit: Victory Today, Facebook

I Want to Age Like Sea Glass – Bernadette Noll

Photo Credit: Bernadette Noll, Huffington Post

Photo Credit: Facebook, Vicky Appleton Eaton

Butterfly Breakfast Buffet

Monday Morning Moment – Leaders We Want to Imitate – 10 “I” Adjective Descriptors (All)Iterated

Photo Credit: Boom Positive

From the time we were small children, we learn by imitating. We master both our mindsets and our capacities and competencies by learning from others…by imitating those we see doing well or doing good. We imitate until it becomes our own, and then amazingly sometimes others imitate us as well.

That is both sobering and challenging for us as leaders. It also gives pause in our choice of whom we imitate. We may sometime have to go out of our way to find excellent leaders to learn from. It does not take away necessity of following the direction of our bosses. We become like those we spend time with. The warning here is if we struggle with appreciating our leaders we may still default to become like them.

So we keep people in our lives worthy of imitating.

[I wanted to write about a much heavier topic this morning as our country is reeling from two mass shootings this weekend leaving at least 30 dead. So utterly devastating. I hope to write on this another day but today the words fail. Please, if you pray, pray for our country and especially for those grieving the loss of their loved ones.]

What characterizes a person we would profit by imitating? In a 12-minute teaching, author theologian John Piper emphasizes the importance of both the passion and the practice of the one we would seek to imitate. Both “the feeling and the living” for the sake of others rather than one’s own ambition.

Photo Credit: Desiring God; John Piper

I’ve said before that I love the grammar device of alliteration, and in writing today, it was easy to pull 10 distinctives together all beginning with “i” to describe a leader to imitate:

1) Inclusive – This leader would open the circle of leadership to include content experts, team leaders/coaches, and a sampling of those most affected by decisions being made. She/he is not threatened by a wider circle of influence.

2) Intelligent – I do not know how intelligent I am but have benefited from the thinking of others. Intelligence includes good judgment and sound reasoning.

3) Interested – You have probably experienced the difference when one is feigning interest vs. one who is genuinely interested in the person(s) right in front of him. She/he genuinely cares what others think and how they are affected by the direction of the organization.

4) Impassioned – It is easy to get behind someone who loves what they are doing and care about the outcomes (and their impact on people). When the cause is right or just, we can understand how the impassioned one is unflagging in his commitment. Adding the “i’s” above to “impassioned” moves folks forward in positive ways.

5) Involved – By involved, I don’t mean a micro-manager nor the opposite of an armchair quarterback . Involved is taking responsibility for the part that belongs to the leader and doing what he/she can to help the others on the team to do their part. With leaders like this, we don’t have to search for them. They’re close by.

6) Inspiring/Inspired –We are fueled to imitate someone when we see that what he/she is about matters. Even when the task is hard and the goal is beyond our view, this type person will encourage us to keep persevering.

7) Innovative/Imaginative – I’m an idea person who would be throwing ideas out and throwing ideas out until everyone left the room. Thankfully, I’ve had the opportunity through the years to work with people who know how to take good ideas and turn them into great products/services. I’ve learned through the years by imitating these teammates – of going through the steps of taking an idea through to the innovation. So grateful for leaders who allowed me…welcomed me…to stay in the conversation.

8) Indefatigable – It’s easy to get tired and give up. People worthy of imitating are those who keep at it…who don’t stop until “it’s” done.

9) Intrepid – Along with indefatigable is intrepid – that characteristic of one who is not afraid of what could happen or what could be stirred up in the doing. She/he takes risks, values the adventure we are on, doesn’t mind the messy.

10) Irreproachable – Finally, character. Consistent, dependable character. We know we are safe to imitate this person because he/she is not going to surprise us with moral failure or self-serving or indifference or favoritism. Again, I’m so thankful for men and women who have given me space at their tables through the years…who continue to be the same sorts of people now as they were decades ago. Just more of whom I want to be like as I get older.

So there’s my list. It’s sort of like a “perfect leader person”, right? Or maybe you are thinking other characteristics more appropriate to the person you would hope to imitate. Please comment below – they don’t have to start with an “i”.

Philippians 3:17 – the Kind of Person You Should Imitate – John Piper

5 Friday Faves – Political Correctness or Not So Much, Claire’s Lion King Medley, Back to School, Michael W. Smith, and The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Here we go! Friday Faves! Just for you…

1) Political Correctness or Not So Much – It doesn’t do any of us good to use language or messaging that inflame division or hatred. The dilemma is that the rules on what is “politically correct” change and grow such that it becomes difficult even to have dialogue  across political or sociological lines. When we differ in how we think on today’s issues, we desperately need to keep talking to each other…listening to each other…to work toward solutions with positive lasting impact.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

What happens to me, in the face of articulate and passionate people who insist on a politically correct and savvy response? I go silent. Silence is serves no one.

This week I discovered author pastor Scott Sauls‘ article “Saying ‘No’ to Political Correctness”.

“What if we’ve gotten it all wrong in our efforts to be politically correct and not risk stirring the pot, ever? What if, in our sincere attempt to become relevant to the culture, we have instead become products and disciples of the culture? If we discovered that skeptics would take us more seriously for being open with our views versus secretive and timid about them, would we become more expressive about the truths we hold inside?” – Scott Sauls

Sauls also acknowledges that those of us who are Christian evangelicals may seem a minority and feel we have no voice…but hopefully it isn’t because we’ve given up our voice. We have a mandate from God to stand for Him, to hear, and to speak, even as a minority.

Ironically, the single thing that makes Scripture relevant to our culture, and any culture, is that Scripture shows no interest in being relevant. Instead, it acts as God still speaking, affirming what’s good and confronting what’s not. Where Scripture and culture are at odds, Christians too must remain countercultural.

But we must not allow our counter-cultural postures to become anti-cultural.

A perception of minority status can easily tempt Christians to get testy, even hostile, against a world God calls us to love. Scott Sauls

Politically correct or incorrect, we are called to love without prejudice or reserve. So I’m moved to listen more than ever. Listening takes getting close to people. Resolved to get close.

2) Claire’s Lion King Medley – When Claire Crosby was three, her dad Dave began videotaping her & posting to YouTube. My first awareness of her was their version of You’ve Got a Friend in Me. Even before that song, she did a totally adorable version of Little Mermaid.Photo Credit: Facebook, Claire Ryann Crosby

Her singing of “A Million Dreams” is amazing! Goosebumps listening to a 5 y/o sing.

Now the whole family has produced a video of Every Song From Lion King. So good. Also don’t miss the behind-the-scenes video of the making of this video. Fascinating and fun.

YouTube Video – Every Song From The Lion King Movie – 6 year-old Claire and the Crosby Family

YouTube Video – We Made a Lion King Video – The Crosby’s

YouTube Video – The Lion King (Main Theme – “This Land” – Beyond the Guitar (my kid’s version)

3) Back to School – [Adapted from the Archives] During the hottest days of summer, a Fall breeze blows through our favorite stores. Back to school supplies and cool kids’ clothes pop up everywhere. I have always loved the smell of pencils and paper. However, I never loved the long hours of school that boxed in our children to spend evenings separated from us and each other with hours and hours of homework. Sorry, wonderful teacher friends of mine. Anyway, seeing school supplies in the stores this week was fun…and also a reminder of the flight of time. Summer slow down (too late to slow down for some of you. Welcome to the next school year).Blog - Back to School Supplies - friday Faves

So much new happens as summer ends, and Fall stretches out before us. Routines and rhythms crank up again. Growth spurts require new clothes. Then there are all the school supplies required for starting a new year.

As our children grew up, we had varying seasons of “back-to-school” between home schooling and other schooling, both in the US and in Africa. It was never easy for me to see them off, when we didn’t homeschool. I missed them…and those moments together when they talked about life as they saw it. I also missed being able to protect them from some of the meanness in the world. Still, the start of the school year, for all of us, is a hopeful time of anticipation and wonder, of new beginnings and possibilities.[Kudos to the teachers, Stacie Mills & Kirby Joseph, whose classrooms pre-student-return, were my inspiration on this fave.]

How thankful I am for teachers who really care for their students. Teachers who see themselves as partners with parents, even us most woefully unprepared…for the sake of these kiddos who will hold the future in their hands one day. What a marvel this is.

Back to School – Teachers On My Mind – Deb Mills

Putting the Basket in the Water: Trusting God in the Next Phase of Your Child’s Life – Ashlei Woods

The Trauma-Informed Teacher – Silent Front Line

4) Michael W. Smith – Singer songwriter Michael W. Smith has given me words to worship God for over 35 years. Either writing himself, collaborating, or performing others’ songs. He has blessed so many of us over the years. Today when it seems people struggle so hard to finish strong, Michael is the real deal. Not yet 60, he has been married to Debbie for over 35 years. He wrote his first song when he was 5 and he’s been writing them ever since.

His “Agnus Dei” is one of my favorites. I’m actually not sure why it is entitled that, but it is a powerful worship song. Few lyrics; but great heart! Like Michael.

This week, I watched the TBN special “35 Years of Friends – Celebrating the Music of Michael W. Smith”. Here’s a highlight reel of that show. So great! All the emotions of decades of music that moved hearts and lives.

Thanks, Michael W. Smith, for living a life on- and off-stage that never compromised what you hold dear – God, your family, and all of us friends of yours.

Michael W. Smith – Grammy Winner and Grandfather – Jeremy V. Jones

10 Best Michael W. Smith SongsPamela Rose Williams (includes his bio and stories)

List of All Songs by Michael W. Smith (A-Z) – with links to the videos

Michael W. Smith – Song List (with links to iTunes)

5) The Last Black Man in San Francisco – Have you ever had to leave a house you loved? One that expressed home almost as much as the people who lived there? When my mom died and we finally had to sell the house where we grew up, it was hard. Every time, I go to home to Georgia, I still drive by that little much-loved house. If its walls could talk…

The film The Last Black Man in San Francisco is the story about a beloved house. I haven’t seen the film yet but it’s on my film list for this summer. Everything I’ve read about it (and watching the trailer below) touched my heart. Comment below if you’ve seen it. I love it already.

YouTube Video – How “The Last Black Man in San Francisco” Was Made – HBO

That’s it for me. Be blessed. Thanks for reading. It means a lot.

Bonuses:

Size 14 Is No Longer the Average Size for an American Woman – Chris Adams

Photo Credit: Facebook, Maria Bessler

Monday Morning Moment – Leadership, Criticism, and the Man (or Woman) in the Arena

Photo Credit: YouTube

Monday’s are exceptional days of the week. You may enter it with one focus or resolve and then discover a golden nugget that takes you a very different direction. It happened to me this morning.

My temptation was to vent frustration over a situation where leadership leans toward being restrictive, exclusive, and narrow in focus. Aren’t you glad I am not writing about that today?!

[I’ve written previously about negativity and how to turn it around – here, here, and here. No matter how consequential the issue, criticism won’t get us where we want to go.]

As I pondered how to address the topic in a positive, redemptive way, I came across a wise friend’s Facebook post that pointed me to an edited video of a talk given by author and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown.

She was addressing an audience of young “creatives”.  She encouraged them to “show up and be seen”, but in so doing, there is a consequence. We will, at times, get our behinds busted, so to speak.

She referenced a riveting speech that President Theodore Roosevelt gave in 1910, shortly after he left office. I do not remember ever hearing this speech until today. Below is the excerpt that Brown quoted:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

I was deeply humbled by the wisdom of that speech.

Our leaders all have their own arenas. You have yours. I have mine. It is not my desire to exit the place where I am called to serve, to create, to fight battles meant for me…just to become a critical or negative spectator in another’s arena.

There are times when our battle is made harder by another…by one who could alter our circumstance, who could provide assistance, who could hear our cry for help…and doesn’t heed. It happens.

Yet…it doesn’t take away the cause I’m meant to hold dear…and the one for which I am to fight. It certainly doesn’t warrant me leaving my battle to judge his or hers.

Brené Brown gave a strong warning to both the unengaged leader and the critical employee:

“If you’re in the cheap seats, not putting yourself on the line, and just talking about how I could do it better, I’m in no way interested in your feedback.”Brené Brown

Scorching, right?

This Monday my thinking and life direction went a different way than at first it was headed. Are there times when we speak to leaders, imploring them to consider another way? Of course…but never so much that we take our eyes off our own work…our own arena.

Let’s get after it!

YouTube Video – Brené Brown – The Man in the Arena Speech (edited)

YouTube Video – Brené Brown – Why Your Critics Aren’t the Ones Who Count

“Citizenship in a Republic” – Theodore Roosevelt speech, April 23, 1910

Roosevelt’s “The Man in the Arena” – Erin McCarthy

5 Friday Faves – The Lion King, Ethnic Food, Biblical Justice, Raising Men and Women, and the iGeneration

Friday Faves – lightning fast. Hope your weekend is slowed-down – I’m counting on it!

1) The Lion King – Just released, The Lion King (2019) film is making all kinds of news because of it’s computer-animation (it all looks so real!). Best part of the movie is the nostalgia of the music score (by Hans Zimmer) updated from the original (1994) film. Here Nathan Mills arranged and performed the stunning instrumental piece, the main theme, “This Land”. Again, it is amazing how this guy can take a single classical guitar and move the hearer as the full orchestra did in the film. Goosebumps.

2) Ethnic Food – We all have our own version of ethnic food. It’s the food that calls the mind and heart back to our moms and our childhood homes. For our children, their sense of ethnic foods includes the biscuits and gravy of the southern US, tamaya (falafel) sandwiches of Egypt, couscous of Tunisia, tajine in Morocco, and authentic Mexican cooking of a dear friend transplanted in Morocco as well. What ethnic food resonates with you?

Egyptian Falafel Best in the World: BBC Report – Al-Masry Al-Youm

3) Biblical Justice – With all the cry for social justice in our world today, I’ve been immersing myself in the study of Biblical justice. Trying to figure out how we are to best respond to the poor and oppressed around us.

Author and New York City pastor Tim Keller has written a book entitled Generous Justice: How God’s Grace Makes Us Just. In it, he calls the church, corporately and as individual believers, to answer God’s call for us to “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). We are reminded of the two greatest commandments in the whole of Scripture: to love God with everything in our being and our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39).

Photo Credit: By Their Strange Fruit

“We instinctively tend to limit for whom we exert ourselves. We do it for people like us, and for people whom we like. Jesus will have none of that. By depicting a Samaritan helping a Jew, Jesus could not have found a more forceful way to say that anyone at all in need – regardless of race, politics, class, and religion – is your neighbour. Not everyone is your brother or sister in faith, but everyone is your neighbour, and you must love your neighbour.”Tim Keller

True Biblical justice will never be satisfied with government programs or tax increases to the rich. God’s call to us to act justly is very personal. We will default to always think the government doesn’t do enough or the rich are always people richer than us.

When we consider our role in our neighbor’s life…we look beyond those like us or those we like…we look for the neighbor who needs the same grace that we need(ed) from God…and, in obedience to Him, we extend grace as far as it has been extended to us.

World-changing. Life-changing. Our own, and our neighbor.

4) Raising Men & Women – We all hope to raise up our children to be men and women who care about people and put themselves out there for others. Raising Men Lawn Care Service was founded in 2015 by Rodney Smith, Jr.. He began this service out of a compassion for people who struggled with taking care of their lawns. Single moms, disabled, elderly, and veterans. He mentors boys (AND girls) in extending care to these by cutting their grass for free. Or shoveling snow, raking leaves, etc. Like with martial arts, he gives these young people t-shirts that distinguish them by how many lawns they have cut for free. This is his 50-yard challenge.

From his website, Smith says, “We are completely confident in the fact that we can provide a very inspirational program that focuses on channeling the energy that youths have in a positive way as well as helping those who need it the most. We know that sometimes youth want to help the community and sometimes people need it, but it can be hard to know who, why and where. We focus on getting all of this sorted out while also helping people around the area to care for and maintain their lawns.”

Watch the video and consider donating on his Amazon wish list.

Maybe more of us can start this sort of thing in our own communities.

5) The iGeneration – My husband and I are Baby Boomers and we have raised three Millennials – although in ways all three are old souls and resonate in ways with Generation X’ers and us. The youngest people being studied these days for common characteristics have been identified as Gen Z or iGeneration. They are the first to be born who will have neverknown a world withou internet connectivity. Author Eric Geiger wrote a summary piece on this generation, entitled Who Are the iGeneration and What Does Research Tell Us? He notes the research examined by Dr. Jean Twenge in her book iGen.

Photo Credit: NPS

In the piece above and its subsequent Part 2 on these precious young ones, he describes a generation that demands more care and careful direction from us olders. I won’t list all 12 of his characteristics (worth your read) but will list a few that have concerned me (for them and those in their future).

  • Because of the almost continual connection with electronic devices, they just don’t read as much as earlier generations.
  • Geiger gives an example of the yearbook day many of us older folks experienced growing up. In the Spring, we all got photobooks that captured our year – mostly highlights but the occasional losses – we signed each other’s books as a testament that we were there and we cared…or didn’t (depending on the friendship). These days, every day is yearbook day, and the highs and lows of that visual and emotional bombardment undermines the happiness of these young people. With unhappiness comes depression that seems too much a part of their experience.
  • With eyes riveted to screens, iGeneration young people have neglected social skills like eye contact, conversation, situational awareness, etc.
  • Less connected, in general. Less connected to community, to political party, to religion. Just less connected. Again, related to electronic device usage and the deluge of so much information and conflicting and argumentative opinion.

These are four out of the 12 that Geiger lists. Again, worth a read, especially if you have these young ones in your life.

Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y, and Gen Z – Explained – Kasasa

That’s it for me for this week. Blessings on you. Thanks for taking the time to read what I post. Hope it encourages you as you do me.

5 Friday Faves – First Responders, Wisdom of Charlie Daniels, Political Incorrectness, Housing for Homeless, and Vintage T-Shirts

5 of my favorite finds of the week. Thanks for stopping by!

1) First Responders – I’ve written about first responders previously – here and here. This week, pulling into my neighborhood, I immediately saw the flashing lights of the trucks of crews from Fire Station 5 and Lakeside Volunteer Rescue Squad. They were answering a call at a neighbor’s house. All ended up well. Seeing those men and women rush to serve someone in need reminded me of my own personal experience with first responders 3 years ago. What a blessing they are! Glad to see they are recognized by others as well (see link below)

Award-winning Lakeside rescue squad runs on volunteer power

2) Wisdom of Charlie Daniels– This week I came across a radio interview with Country Music Hall of Famer Charlie Daniels. This incredible musician and entertainer has been around a long time. In his 80s and married to Hazel for over 50 years now, he has shown a sturdy faithfulness to his relationships and to his craft. His song The Devil Went Down to Georgia shows off his musical ability and crowd appeal. Daniels cares about the music and clearly cares about people as well.Photo Credit: YouTube

His book Never Look at the Empty Seats is a memoir. I’ve only read excerpts but am waiting for it to come in the mail. It’s been described as a book about his journey, in life and music. He said the chapter on his faith was the most challenging for him to write. Can’t wait to read it. Here are just a few quotes full of wisdom from Charlie Daniels:

“When you develop an attitude of “I’m going to accomplish what I want even if I have to work twice as hard as anybody else,” you’re going to get there.”

“You have to recognize opportunity, no matter how subtle the knock. Everything doesn’t happen at once. One thing leads to another as the building blocks of your life start to take form.”

“Competition is good, and the only way to win is to try a little harder than everybody else in the game. The sooner young people find that out, the better off they’ll be.”

“I’ve always ascribed to the theory that if you can’t get what you want, take what you can get and make what you want out of it, and we tried to make the best situation we could out of whatever we were presented with. If there were only twenty people in the place, you played for those twenty people. If what you do pleases them, they’ll be back and probably bring somebody else with them. And it snowballs. That’s how you build a following. Bring your “A” game every night, and never look at the empty seats.”*

*Never Look at the Empty Seats – Charlie Daniels Quotes – Goodreads

[Can’t wait for that musician son of ours to read Daniels’ book. He is also faithful to play his heart out for those who show up.]

3) Political Incorrectness – First, here’s one definition of political correctness: “the avoidance of expressions or actions that can be perceived to exclude or marginalize or insult people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against”.

Even in the definition above, some self-proclaimed jury of a sort must act to determine who the persons are who are “socially disadvantages or discriminated against” and if, indeed, they are being “excluded or marginalized” by said expressions or actions of the insulting party.

Exhausting.

If I wanted to be successful in politics – i.e. 1) able to hold onto my constituency’s vote and 2) focus on being effective in the work/interests I’ve promised to uphold – political correctness would seem to include the following:

  • Choosing my arguments wisely and well, especially in dealing with adversaries inside and outside my party (level of government). Especially if I didn’t like them or their platforms.
  • Committing to work collaboratively with those in power, even when it is anathema for me to do so. Even if I feel it would compromise my own platforms. For the greater good of ALL my constituents. Being politically correct would not be about me.
  • Refusing to stoop to insults, finger-pointing, manipulating statistics, or rallying around half-truths.
  • Using resources entrusted to me by my constituents for their good and not for my own biases or perceived political gain.

Given what we see on any news report…no matter the network… what we find is more political incorrectness. A cavalier and relentless approach in accusing “the other side”, whatever it is, of wrong-doing and near-sightedness.

Photo Credit: eBay, C. Devane

It is as if we, the voters, the constituents of those elected officials in our government, are just sheep…who will follow the loudest voice, no matter what it is saying. God, help us.

OK…there’s my bit of a rant this week. We have real problems in our country that need to be addressed by people who care more about the work of finding solutions to the problems (cooperating across the aisle)…than winning the next election.

That would be paramount to political incorrectness in our current national environment.

I love what Mike Rosmann has to say about what could take us forward:

“We need logically and scientifically verified facts, fair appraisals of information, and consideration of a broad range of information to form reasonable determinations about almost everything. Politically incorrect insults inflame anger and avoidance rather than cooperation and reasonable solution-finding. Furthermore, replying with insults after receiving insults does little to resolve differences in opinions. Asking what others think gets us further toward reaching an understanding and agreement than proclaiming personal opinions and hurling insults.”

He had a whole lot more to say in how political incorrectness is used in today’s politics in the link below:

Political Incorrectness Can Be Problematic or Useful – Mike Rosmann

While you’re reading, also consider executive coach Ron Carucci‘s piece on hope – it is a much better place to land than the bitterness that tempts us.

Hope Hurts But It’s Our Best Option – Ron Carucci

Why listening matters. Even if you think the other side is wrong.

4) Housing the HomelessThe journey to housing for our homeless neighbors is complicated. Some we see at intersections in our cities, with their cardboard signs, have made a life, of sorts, on the streets. I have no idea how they survive winter. Others are freshly homeless, living in hotels, until they can’t anymore. Homelessness doesn’t come with its own guide of how to regain normalcy…the homeless need a compass. Thankfully, there are agencies who help these neighbors of ours, and help us learn how to help better.*  [*From an earlier blog] .

It’s been a joy to see that more positive and long-term effort in housing the homeless is happening today. Just this week, I discovered The Williamsburg House of Mercy in Williamsburg, Va. Also the Virginia Supportive Housing organization.Photo Credit: Virginia Supportive Housing

Do you have shout-out-worthy organizations in your area? Please comment.

The Renovated Homeless Shelter Gives Everything It Can to Make Those in Need ‘Feel Human’ – Benjamin West

Virginia Supportive Housing

5) Vintage T-Shirts – So this week we have another wave of nostalgia as we went through boxes long stored in the attic. Favorite t-shirts from years ago until now (note all the ones from Kingsport Tennessee’s Fun Fest – every summer since 1980 – so much fun!).

Along with all the t-shirts, we found old cassette tapes from our kids’ childhood (including homemade ones where our parents read stories to the kids to shorten the distance between them when we moved overseas). This is for another blog, but the plan is to make electronic files of all these for another sweet generation of kids.

Bonuses:

Summer Garden – Thanks, Dave!

Tour de France 2019 – Every single day; every stage – mesmerizing. NBC Sports has highlights videos for each stage on YouTube.

In the Final Moments of His Life, Calvin Has One Last Talk with Hobbes – Kashish

The article below is politically charged (not my desire) but it is also insightful of how some in our country might vote and what those in each party need to at least consider to win in the 2020 election:

The 2020 Democrats Lack Hindsight

Actor Cameron Boyce died this week at 20 years old, as a result of his epilepsy. His grandmother, Jo Ann Allen Boyce, was one of the Clinton 12. Below is a short and beautiful tribute of Mrs. Boyce, with Cameron narrating:

Why We Breathe Film Teaser & Crowd-Sourcing

The hardest truth for you to accept, based on your Myers-Briggs personality type

Girls’ Night In

Blessed are the Skeptics, and Those Who Don’t Know Where Else to Go

Monday Morning Moment – The 3 I’s of Leaders Who Get Things Done and Loyalty Won

Photo Credit: ITD Assessments

Happy Monday Morning! Let’s talk about leadership. It’s one of my favorite learning curves. Not so I can tell others how to lead (a terrible temptation – like it’s my job…sheesh) but more to celebrate those who lead well. Leading well doesn’t necessarily come with the job description…more, it comes with the three “I’s” in this piece. Leading well is learned and developed through life for all of us. So no discouragement here. I am thankful for those who lead (me and others) well, for sure. So here we go, and here’s what inspired this post.

Earlier this morning, while working at my desk, I could hear the excited tones of a phone conversation. You could tell by the rise and fall of the voice that his office door was open and he was walking around. It was fortunately impossible to hear the content of the conversation – muffled by physical distance – but the intensity of the conversation was clear. Positive, urgent, engaging intensity!

While I was passively aware of the happy drone of the above conversation, a piece by writer, pastor Eric Geiger popped up on my Twitter feed. He shared the 2 Qualities in All Great Leaders. His focus was intensity and intentionality.

It inspired my thinking and stirred me to add a third “I” to his characteristics – inclusivity. [I love alliteration – happy it worked.]

Intensity – Geiger emphasized: “The passion of the team will rarely rise above the passion of the leader.” As leaders, we need intensity in our direction in the execution of our vision. This is a high-burn characteristic and can, over time and tension, lose the heat and edge necessary for razor focus. Intensity can give way to a sense of “We all know what needs to be done” or “Keep doing what you’re doing”… without the urgency that keeps us from mission drift in our work. Intensity is a heart issue – with a high sense of personal responsibility. We lead like the future depends on it…as well as today. To keep intensity in our leadership requires intentionality and inclusivity.

Intentionality – Geiger’s take on intentionality is brilliant: “Leadership without intentionality results in chaos for the people on the team and for those being served…Intentionality means having a clear understanding of your mission, your culture, and where you are headed. Great leaders fight the drift away from intentionality and toward a plethora of competing directions.”

Intentionality is not just an ongoing earnestness to serve a team or organizational vision. It is the dogged determination of a leader, fixed on the goal, to bring every resource to bear on reaching it. This is less task-orientation and more a resource-orientation. Less an “urgent need” focus (although urgent needs matter as well) and more a big picture focus. A daily plan for execution…or we too easily veer into the ditch.

Inclusivity is what I add to Geiger’s excellent qualities for great leaders. By “inclusivity”, I mean a leader’s openness to bringing varying opinions and expertise to the table and providing a vehicle to do this on a regular basis.  It is the messier, less controllable aspect of leadership. A proverb comes to mind when thinking of workplace inclusion or inclusivity:

“Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of oxen.” – Proverbs 14:4

Writer pastor Jason Jackson‘s brief commentary on the proverb above supports inclusivity:

“Oxen are the tools for an abundant harvest. Their cost and inconvenience does not compare with their productivity.

Solomon is not simply giving a lesson in agriculture. Here are two principles:

  1. get the right tools [people] for the job you need to do, and
  2. the cost [to the leader] of the right tool is worth it.”

Leading Through Inclusion: Traits to Help Us Be Better Leaders – Maja Egnell

Inclusivity reminds us of the great lessons on leadership we have from Jim Collins. He has written extensively on great companies and great leaders. Collins urges leaders to not only get the right people on the bus, but also the right persons in the right seat.

Leaders of Great Companies Ask: First Who, Then What? – Wendy Maynard

Inclusivity is a lot of work for the leader but it creates a much more empowering and impactful workplace and a better outcome in the end. When decisions are being made or products/services are being developed, who needs to be at the table? Same folks each time may not get us where we hope to go. It definitely will not urge a team toward the goal, or the vision, or an engaged sense of belonging.

Photo Credit: John C. Maxwell, Brainy Quote

Here’s to intensity, intentionality, and inclusivity in our leaders. Thanks, Eric Geiger, for your inspiration this morning…as well as that guy on the phone down the hall.

2 Qualities in All Great Leaders Eric Geiger

6 Questions That Reveal If You Are an Inclusive Leader – Ryan Jenkins

6 Reasons to Be an Inclusive Leader – Ryan Jenkins

3 I’s of Effective Leadership (Integrity, Influence, Impact) – Naphtali Hoff

The Three I’s of a Great Leader (Initiative, Inspiration, Intuition) – Joy Ruhmann

Monday Morning Moment – a ‘Mean Girl’ Culture – Modeling Inclusion and Resilience for our Daughters

Photo Credit: Mean Girls Film, The Daily Targum

When we think mean girls, the 2004 film Mean Girls probably comes to mind. Such a classic story of teen drama, it has also been adapted to the stage as a Broadway play. The expression mean girls brings to mind girls, in middle school and through college, who will do whatever it takes to be most popular in their school or circle.

I’m not sure girls intend to be mean…it just happens in the climb to the top. Others get pushed down in the process.

Growing up, my experience with mean girls was fairly limited. We had a neighbor girl who for a season chose me to be her bullying target. We never came to blows (the one fight I decided to finish – she would have laid me out if it had happened – was aborted when my mom providentially came home from work early that day. In high school, she and I (Gail was her name) actually became good friends.

I do remember early in middle school getting in trouble for talking in class. One of the really popular girls had asked me about an assignment, but the teacher only saw me answering her. In an attempt to use me as an example, the teacher shamed me in front of the class. The girl who triggered the situation just sat there and smiled as others snickered. It was on me that I talked…and it taught me a big lesson.

In high school, I was fairly nerdy. A few of us outsiders hung together happily for those four years. The exclusivity and cliquishness of the really popular girls didn’t really affect me…until Senior year. At that time, I was dating one of the football players which drew me into the popular girl circles…superficially. I was voted to be secretary of the Senior class as well as being chosen as my class representative to the Homecoming court. Later I would find out these two things came my way because one of the uber-popular girls had campaigned for me so that another popular girl she was at odds with wouldn’t get those honors. Sigh… A little story from my high school years. It worked well for me…but it gave me a view inside a mean girls world.

Our daughter saw the Mean Girls movie while she was in college. She was that girl new to American culture having grown up in Africa. Fortunately, she like her mama didn’t personally experience much of that exclusive girls’ clique shtick.

As moms, we can help our daughters (and sons) to overcome the sort of insecurity and identity politic that goes into becoming mean girls/guys. On the flip side, we can also guide them through the experience of being hurt by such a tribal situation. Lastly, we can model and mentor our children to be includers rather than excluders.

Photo Credit: LibQuotes

This week I discovered a 2-part piece on raising includers. Written by therapist Lisa McCrohan, the coaching article was helpful in confronting the whole mean girl phenomenon.

Raising Girls Who Are “Includers” Instead of “Mean Girls” (Part 1) – Lisa McCrohan

I Was That New Kid Sitting Alone at the Lunch Table (Part 2) – Lisa McCrohan

Photo Credit: Lisa McCrohan

In brief, here is a summary of her counsel:

I want to talk straight with you. It’s time now to make a difference in your child’s life, in your community, and in our world.  We can create a more compassionate world – starting within our homes.

Here are six ways we can help our children rise with resilience, feel connected, and believe that they matter — and prevent bullying:

1. Get off our phones.

2.  Be present.

3.  Keep reflecting our children’s light and their goodness. – “We are the ones who have to send them the message that they belong, they matter, and they are loved. Always.”

4.  Teach our children responsibility. 

5.  Teach our children to be the one who risks kindness. – “We can model this. In your family, make this a motto: be the first one to be kind… The ‘first one to be kind’ is the leader. A strong, effective leader. Others will follow suit. Let’s teach our children the skills of empathy and courage to stand up for what is right.”

6.  We have to own our stuff to heal. – Lisa McCrohan

McCrohan gives much more commentary in her articles so read them in full when you have the time.

Her point #6 reminded me of a time when our children were in a small American school overseas. Our youngest has some learning issues as did the daughter of another mom in the school. One day I was subbing in her daughter’s class, and the mom just happened to come to the door during a math quiz. I had just walked away from her daughter’s desk after helping her get back on track with a complicated problem, and when the mom showed up, her daughter had begun to cry. For years after that, her mom and I had a strained relationship. She had made an assumption that I had left her daughter without the help she needed…which was not true. Our children struggled with some of the same learning issues, and we could have been such a support to each other, but…it wasn’t meant to be. Somewhere along the way, that mom had her own “stuff to heal”. It still bothers me today. That we couldn’t be friends because of a misunderstanding.

Was that mean girl stuff? No,but I do think those of us who tend to wall ourselves off from others or who have to be “the best, most popular” have some sort of wound that needs healing…before we pass it along to our children.

Anyway, ’nuff said. Our kids have been raised to be inclusive almost to a fault. Are they inclusive? No…not always, but neither am I. Still, understanding the value of “drawing circles” that welcome others in is a strong foundation on which we build relationships.

[If you have mean girls stories, either on the receiving end or that of being the one bullying, I’d love for you to share your experiences, counsel, etc. in Comments below.]

YouTube Video – Mean Girls – Best Scenes (Warning: some language)

Inner Circles – the Mad Pursuit of Position, Power, Prominence, and Plenty – Deb Mills