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Monday Morning Moment – Leadership, Criticism, and the Man (or Woman) in the Arena

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Photo Credit: YouTube

Monday’s are exceptional days of the week. You may enter it with one focus or resolve and then discover a golden nugget that takes you a very different direction. It happened to me this morning.

My temptation was to vent frustration over a situation where leadership leans toward being restrictive, exclusive, and narrow in focus. Aren’t you glad I am not writing about that today?!

[I’ve written previously about negativity and how to turn it around – here, here, and here. No matter how consequential the issue, criticism won’t get us where we want to go.]

As I pondered how to address the topic in a positive, redemptive way, I came across a wise friend’s Facebook post that pointed me to an edited video of a talk given by author and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown.

She was addressing an audience of young “creatives”.  She encouraged them to “show up and be seen”, but in so doing, there is a consequence. We will, at times, get our behinds busted, so to speak.

She referenced a riveting speech that President Theodore Roosevelt gave in 1910, shortly after he left office. I do not remember ever hearing this speech until today. Below is the excerpt that Brown quoted:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

I was deeply humbled by the wisdom of that speech.

Our leaders all have their own arenas. You have yours. I have mine. It is not my desire to exit the place where I am called to serve, to create, to fight battles meant for me…just to become a critical or negative spectator in another’s arena.

There are times when our battle is made harder by another…by one who could alter our circumstance, who could provide assistance, who could hear our cry for help…and doesn’t heed. It happens.

Yet…it doesn’t take away the cause I’m meant to hold dear…and the one for which I am to fight. It certainly doesn’t warrant me leaving my battle to judge his or hers.

Brené Brown gave a strong warning to both the unengaged leader and the critical employee:

“If you’re in the cheap seats, not putting yourself on the line, and just talking about how I could do it better, I’m in no way interested in your feedback.” – Brené Brown

Scorching, right?

This Monday my thinking and life direction went a different way than at first it was headed. Are there times when we speak to leaders, imploring them to consider another way? Of course…but never so much that we take our eyes off our own work…our own arena.

Let’s get after it!

YouTube Video – Brené Brown – The Man in the Arena Speech (edited)

YouTube Video – Brené Brown – Why Your Critics Aren’t the Ones Who Count

“Citizenship in a Republic” – Theodore Roosevelt speech, April 23, 1910

Roosevelt’s “The Man in the Arena” – Erin McCarthy

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5 Friday Faves – The Lion King, Ethnic Food, Biblical Justice, Raising Men and Women, and the iGeneration

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Friday Faves – lightning fast. Hope your weekend is slowed-down – I’m counting on it!

1) The Lion King – Just released, The Lion King (2019) film is making all kinds of news because of it’s computer-animation (it all looks so real!). Best part of the movie is the nostalgia of the music score (by Hans Zimmer) updated from the original (1994) film. Here Nathan Mills arranged and performed the stunning instrumental piece, the main theme, “This Land”. Again, it is amazing how this guy can take a single classical guitar and move the hearer as the full orchestra did in the film. Goosebumps.

2) Ethnic Food – We all have our own version of ethnic food. It’s the food that calls the mind and heart back to our moms and our childhood homes. For our children, their sense of ethnic foods includes the biscuits and gravy of the southern US, tamaya (falafel) sandwiches of Egypt, couscous of Tunisia, tajine in Morocco, and authentic Mexican cooking of a dear friend transplanted in Morocco as well. What ethnic food resonates with you?

Egyptian Falafel Best in the World: BBC Report – Al-Masry Al-Youm

3) Biblical Justice – With all the cry for social justice in our world today, I’ve been immersing myself in the study of Biblical justice. Trying to figure out how we are to best respond to the poor and oppressed around us.

Author and New York City pastor Tim Keller has written a book entitled Generous Justice: How God’s Grace Makes Us Just. In it, he calls the church, corporately and as individual believers, to answer God’s call for us to “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). We are reminded of the two greatest commandments in the whole of Scripture: to love God with everything in our being and our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39).

Photo Credit: By Their Strange Fruit

“We instinctively tend to limit for whom we exert ourselves. We do it for people like us, and for people whom we like. Jesus will have none of that. By depicting a Samaritan helping a Jew, Jesus could not have found a more forceful way to say that anyone at all in need – regardless of race, politics, class, and religion – is your neighbour. Not everyone is your brother or sister in faith, but everyone is your neighbour, and you must love your neighbour.”– Tim Keller

True Biblical justice will never be satisfied with government programs or tax increases to the rich. God’s call to us to act justly is very personal. We will default to always think the government doesn’t do enough or the rich are always people richer than us.

When we consider our role in our neighbor’s life…we look beyond those like us or those we like…we look for the neighbor who needs the same grace that we need(ed) from God…and, in obedience to Him, we extend grace as far as it has been extended to us.

World-changing. Life-changing. Our own, and our neighbor.

4) Raising Men & Women – We all hope to raise up our children to be men and women who care about people and put themselves out there for others. Raising Men Lawn Care Service was founded in 2015 by Rodney Smith, Jr.. He began this service out of a compassion for people who struggled with taking care of their lawns. Single moms, disabled, elderly, and veterans. He mentors boys (AND girls) in extending care to these by cutting their grass for free. Or shoveling snow, raking leaves, etc. Like with martial arts, he gives these young people t-shirts that distinguish them by how many lawns they have cut for free. This is his 50-yard challenge.

From his website, Smith says, “We are completely confident in the fact that we can provide a very inspirational program that focuses on channeling the energy that youths have in a positive way as well as helping those who need it the most. We know that sometimes youth want to help the community and sometimes people need it, but it can be hard to know who, why and where. We focus on getting all of this sorted out while also helping people around the area to care for and maintain their lawns.”

Watch the video and consider donating on his Amazon wish list.

Maybe more of us can start this sort of thing in our own communities.

5) The iGeneration – My husband and I are Baby Boomers and we have raised three Millennials – although in ways all three are old souls and resonate in ways with Generation X’ers and us. The youngest people being studied these days for common characteristics have been identified as Gen Z or iGeneration. They are the first to be born who will have neverknown a world withou internet connectivity. Author Eric Geiger wrote a summary piece on this generation, entitled Who Are the iGeneration and What Does Research Tell Us? He notes the research examined by Dr. Jean Twenge in her book iGen.

Photo Credit: NPS

In the piece above and its subsequent Part 2 on these precious young ones, he describes a generation that demands more care and careful direction from us olders. I won’t list all 12 of his characteristics (worth your read) but will list a few that have concerned me (for them and those in their future).

  • Because of the almost continual connection with electronic devices, they just don’t read as much as earlier generations.
  • Geiger gives an example of the yearbook day many of us older folks experienced growing up. In the Spring, we all got photobooks that captured our year – mostly highlights but the occasional losses – we signed each other’s books as a testament that we were there and we cared…or didn’t (depending on the friendship). These days, every day is yearbook day, and the highs and lows of that visual and emotional bombardment undermines the happiness of these young people. With unhappiness comes depression that seems too much a part of their experience.
  • With eyes riveted to screens, iGeneration young people have neglected social skills like eye contact, conversation, situational awareness, etc.
  • Less connected, in general. Less connected to community, to political party, to religion. Just less connected. Again, related to electronic device usage and the deluge of so much information and conflicting and argumentative opinion.

These are four out of the 12 that Geiger lists. Again, worth a read, especially if you have these young ones in your life.

Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y, and Gen Z – Explained – Kasasa

That’s it for me for this week. Blessings on you. Thanks for taking the time to read what I post. Hope it encourages you as you do me.

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5 Friday Faves – First Responders, Wisdom of Charlie Daniels, Political Incorrectness, Housing for Homeless, and Vintage T-Shirts

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5 of my favorite finds of the week. Thanks for stopping by!

1) First Responders – I’ve written about first responders previously – here and here. This week, pulling into my neighborhood, I immediately saw the flashing lights of the trucks of crews from Fire Station 5 and Lakeside Volunteer Rescue Squad. They were answering a call at a neighbor’s house. All ended up well. Seeing those men and women rush to serve someone in need reminded me of my own personal experience with first responders 3 years ago. What a blessing they are! Glad to see they are recognized by others as well (see link below)

Award-winning Lakeside rescue squad runs on volunteer power

2) Wisdom of Charlie Daniels– This week I came across a radio interview with Country Music Hall of Famer Charlie Daniels. This incredible musician and entertainer has been around a long time. In his 80s and married to Hazel for over 50 years now, he has shown a sturdy faithfulness to his relationships and to his craft. His song The Devil Went Down to Georgia shows off his musical ability and crowd appeal. Daniels cares about the music and clearly cares about people as well.Photo Credit: YouTube

His book Never Look at the Empty Seats is a memoir. I’ve only read excerpts but am waiting for it to come in the mail. It’s been described as a book about his journey, in life and music. He said the chapter on his faith was the most challenging for him to write. Can’t wait to read it. Here are just a few quotes full of wisdom from Charlie Daniels:

“When you develop an attitude of “I’m going to accomplish what I want even if I have to work twice as hard as anybody else,” you’re going to get there.”

“You have to recognize opportunity, no matter how subtle the knock. Everything doesn’t happen at once. One thing leads to another as the building blocks of your life start to take form.”

“Competition is good, and the only way to win is to try a little harder than everybody else in the game. The sooner young people find that out, the better off they’ll be.”

“I’ve always ascribed to the theory that if you can’t get what you want, take what you can get and make what you want out of it, and we tried to make the best situation we could out of whatever we were presented with. If there were only twenty people in the place, you played for those twenty people. If what you do pleases them, they’ll be back and probably bring somebody else with them. And it snowballs. That’s how you build a following. Bring your “A” game every night, and never look at the empty seats.”*

*Never Look at the Empty Seats – Charlie Daniels Quotes – Goodreads

[Can’t wait for that musician son of ours to read Daniels’ book. He is also faithful to play his heart out for those who show up.]

3) Political Incorrectness – First, here’s one definition of political correctness: “the avoidance of expressions or actions that can be perceived to exclude or marginalize or insult people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against”.

Even in the definition above, some self-proclaimed jury of a sort must act to determine who the persons are who are “socially disadvantages or discriminated against” and if, indeed, they are being “excluded or marginalized” by said expressions or actions of the insulting party.

Exhausting.

If I wanted to be successful in politics – i.e. 1) able to hold onto my constituency’s vote and 2) focus on being effective in the work/interests I’ve promised to uphold – political correctness would seem to include the following:

  • Choosing my arguments wisely and well, especially in dealing with adversaries inside and outside my party (level of government). Especially if I didn’t like them or their platforms.
  • Committing to work collaboratively with those in power, even when it is anathema for me to do so. Even if I feel it would compromise my own platforms. For the greater good of ALL my constituents. Being politically correct would not be about me.
  • Refusing to stoop to insults, finger-pointing, manipulating statistics, or rallying around half-truths.
  • Using resources entrusted to me by my constituents for their good and not for my own biases or perceived political gain.

Given what we see on any news report…no matter the network… what we find is more political incorrectness. A cavalier and relentless approach in accusing “the other side”, whatever it is, of wrong-doing and near-sightedness.

Photo Credit: eBay, C. Devane

It is as if we, the voters, the constituents of those elected officials in our government, are just sheep…who will follow the loudest voice, no matter what it is saying. God, help us.

OK…there’s my bit of a rant this week. We have real problems in our country that need to be addressed by people who care more about the work of finding solutions to the problems (cooperating across the aisle)…than winning the next election.

That would be paramount to political incorrectness in our current national environment.

I love what Mike Rosmann has to say about what could take us forward:

“We need logically and scientifically verified facts, fair appraisals of information, and consideration of a broad range of information to form reasonable determinations about almost everything. Politically incorrect insults inflame anger and avoidance rather than cooperation and reasonable solution-finding. Furthermore, replying with insults after receiving insults does little to resolve differences in opinions. Asking what others think gets us further toward reaching an understanding and agreement than proclaiming personal opinions and hurling insults.”

He had a whole lot more to say in how political incorrectness is used in today’s politics in the link below:

Political Incorrectness Can Be Problematic or Useful – Mike Rosmann

While you’re reading, also consider executive coach Ron Carucci‘s piece on hope – it is a much better place to land than the bitterness that tempts us.

Hope Hurts But It’s Our Best Option – Ron Carucci

Why listening matters. Even if you think the other side is wrong.

4) Housing the Homeless – The journey to housing for our homeless neighbors is complicated. Some we see at intersections in our cities, with their cardboard signs, have made a life, of sorts, on the streets. I have no idea how they survive winter. Others are freshly homeless, living in hotels, until they can’t anymore. Homelessness doesn’t come with its own guide of how to regain normalcy…the homeless need a compass. Thankfully, there are agencies who help these neighbors of ours, and help us learn how to help better.*  [*From an earlier blog] .

It’s been a joy to see that more positive and long-term effort in housing the homeless is happening today. Just this week, I discovered The Williamsburg House of Mercy in Williamsburg, Va. Also the Virginia Supportive Housing organization.Photo Credit: Virginia Supportive Housing

Do you have shout-out-worthy organizations in your area? Please comment.

The Renovated Homeless Shelter Gives Everything It Can to Make Those in Need ‘Feel Human’ – Benjamin West

Virginia Supportive Housing

5) Vintage T-Shirts – So this week we have another wave of nostalgia as we went through boxes long stored in the attic. Favorite t-shirts from years ago until now (note all the ones from Kingsport Tennessee’s Fun Fest – every summer since 1980 – so much fun!).

Along with all the t-shirts, we found old cassette tapes from our kids’ childhood (including homemade ones where our parents read stories to the kids to shorten the distance between them when we moved overseas). This is for another blog, but the plan is to make electronic files of all these for another sweet generation of kids.

Bonuses:

Summer Garden – Thanks, Dave!

Tour de France 2019 – Every single day; every stage – mesmerizing. NBC Sports has highlights videos for each stage on YouTube.

In the Final Moments of His Life, Calvin Has One Last Talk with Hobbes – Kashish

The article below is politically charged (not my desire) but it is also insightful of how some in our country might vote and what those in each party need to at least consider to win in the 2020 election:

The 2020 Democrats Lack Hindsight

Actor Cameron Boyce died this week at 20 years old, as a result of his epilepsy. His grandmother, Jo Ann Allen Boyce, was one of the Clinton 12. Below is a short and beautiful tribute of Mrs. Boyce, with Cameron narrating:

Why We Breathe Film Teaser & Crowd-Sourcing

The hardest truth for you to accept, based on your Myers-Briggs personality type

Girls’ Night In

Blessed are the Skeptics, and Those Who Don’t Know Where Else to Go

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Monday Morning Moment – The 3 I’s of Leaders Who Get Things Done and Loyalty Won

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Photo Credit: ITD Assessments

Happy Monday Morning! Let’s talk about leadership. It’s one of my favorite learning curves. Not so I can tell others how to lead (a terrible temptation – like it’s my job…sheesh) but more to celebrate those who lead well. Leading well doesn’t necessarily come with the job description…more, it comes with the three “I’s” in this piece. Leading well is learned and developed through life for all of us. So no discouragement here. I am thankful for those who lead (me and others) well, for sure. So here we go, and here’s what inspired this post.

Earlier this morning, while working at my desk, I could hear the excited tones of a phone conversation. You could tell by the rise and fall of the voice that his office door was open and he was walking around. It was fortunately impossible to hear the content of the conversation – muffled by physical distance – but the intensity of the conversation was clear. Positive, urgent, engaging intensity!

While I was passively aware of the happy drone of the above conversation, a piece by writer, pastor Eric Geiger popped up on my Twitter feed. He shared the 2 Qualities in All Great Leaders. His focus was intensity and intentionality.

It inspired my thinking and stirred me to add a third “I” to his characteristics – inclusivity. [I love alliteration – happy it worked.]

Intensity – Geiger emphasized: “The passion of the team will rarely rise above the passion of the leader.” As leaders, we need intensity in our direction in the execution of our vision. This is a high-burn characteristic and can, over time and tension, lose the heat and edge necessary for razor focus. Intensity can give way to a sense of “We all know what needs to be done” or “Keep doing what you’re doing”… without the urgency that keeps us from mission drift in our work. Intensity is a heart issue – with a high sense of personal responsibility. We lead like the future depends on it…as well as today. To keep intensity in our leadership requires intentionality and inclusivity.

Intentionality – Geiger’s take on intentionality is brilliant: “Leadership without intentionality results in chaos for the people on the team and for those being served…Intentionality means having a clear understanding of your mission, your culture, and where you are headed. Great leaders fight the drift away from intentionality and toward a plethora of competing directions.”

Intentionality is not just an ongoing earnestness to serve a team or organizational vision. It is the dogged determination of a leader, fixed on the goal, to bring every resource to bear on reaching it. This is less task-orientation and more a resource-orientation. Less an “urgent need” focus (although urgent needs matter as well) and more a big picture focus. A daily plan for execution…or we too easily veer into the ditch.

Inclusivity is what I add to Geiger’s excellent qualities for great leaders. By “inclusivity”, I mean a leader’s openness to bringing varying opinions and expertise to the table and providing a vehicle to do this on a regular basis.  It is the messier, less controllable aspect of leadership. A proverb comes to mind when thinking of workplace inclusion or inclusivity:

“Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of oxen.” – Proverbs 14:4

Writer pastor Jason Jackson‘s brief commentary on the proverb above supports inclusivity:

“Oxen are the tools for an abundant harvest. Their cost and inconvenience does not compare with their productivity.

Solomon is not simply giving a lesson in agriculture. Here are two principles:

  1. get the right tools [people] for the job you need to do, and
  2. the cost [to the leader] of the right tool is worth it.”

Leading Through Inclusion: Traits to Help Us Be Better Leaders – Maja Egnell

Inclusivity reminds us of the great lessons on leadership we have from Jim Collins. He has written extensively on great companies and great leaders. Collins urges leaders to not only get the right people on the bus, but also the right persons in the right seat.

Leaders of Great Companies Ask: First Who, Then What? – Wendy Maynard

Inclusivity is a lot of work for the leader but it creates a much more empowering and impactful workplace and a better outcome in the end. When decisions are being made or products/services are being developed, who needs to be at the table? Same folks each time may not get us where we hope to go. It definitely will not urge a team toward the goal, or the vision, or an engaged sense of belonging.

Photo Credit: John C. Maxwell, Brainy Quote

Here’s to intensity, intentionality, and inclusivity in our leaders. Thanks, Eric Geiger, for your inspiration this morning…as well as that guy on the phone down the hall.

2 Qualities in All Great Leaders – Eric Geiger

6 Questions That Reveal If You Are an Inclusive Leader – Ryan Jenkins

6 Reasons to Be an Inclusive Leader – Ryan Jenkins

3 I’s of Effective Leadership (Integrity, Influence, Impact) – Naphtali Hoff

The Three I’s of a Great Leader (Initiative, Inspiration, Intuition) – Joy Ruhmann

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Monday Morning Moment – a ‘Mean Girl’ Culture – Modeling Inclusion and Resilience for our Daughters

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Photo Credit: Mean Girls Film, The Daily Targum

When we think mean girls, the 2004 film Mean Girls probably comes to mind. Such a classic story of teen drama, it has also been adapted to the stage as a Broadway play. The expression mean girls brings to mind girls, in middle school and through college, who will do whatever it takes to be most popular in their school or circle.

I’m not sure girls intend to be mean…it just happens in the climb to the top. Others get pushed down in the process.

Growing up, my experience with mean girls was fairly limited. We had a neighbor girl who for a season chose me to be her bullying target. We never came to blows (the one fight I decided to finish – she would have laid me out if it had happened – was aborted when my mom providentially came home from work early that day. In high school, she and I (Gail was her name) actually became good friends.

I do remember early in middle school getting in trouble for talking in class. One of the really popular girls had asked me about an assignment, but the teacher only saw me answering her. In an attempt to use me as an example, the teacher shamed me in front of the class. The girl who triggered the situation just sat there and smiled as others snickered. It was on me that I talked…and it taught me a big lesson.

In high school, I was fairly nerdy. A few of us outsiders hung together happily for those four years. The exclusivity and cliquishness of the really popular girls didn’t really affect me…until Senior year. At that time, I was dating one of the football players which drew me into the popular girl circles…superficially. I was voted to be secretary of the Senior class as well as being chosen as my class representative to the Homecoming court. Later I would find out these two things came my way because one of the uber-popular girls had campaigned for me so that another popular girl she was at odds with wouldn’t get those honors. Sigh… A little story from my high school years. It worked well for me…but it gave me a view inside a mean girls world.

Our daughter saw the Mean Girls movie while she was in college. She was that girl new to American culture having grown up in Africa. Fortunately, she like her mama didn’t personally experience much of that exclusive girls’ clique shtick.

As moms, we can help our daughters (and sons) to overcome the sort of insecurity and identity politic that goes into becoming mean girls/guys. On the flip side, we can also guide them through the experience of being hurt by such a tribal situation. Lastly, we can model and mentor our children to be includers rather than excluders.

Photo Credit: LibQuotes

This week I discovered a 2-part piece on raising includers. Written by therapist Lisa McCrohan, the coaching article was helpful in confronting the whole mean girl phenomenon.

Raising Girls Who Are “Includers” Instead of “Mean Girls” (Part 1) – Lisa McCrohan

I Was That New Kid Sitting Alone at the Lunch Table (Part 2) – Lisa McCrohan

Photo Credit: Lisa McCrohan

In brief, here is a summary of her counsel:

I want to talk straight with you. It’s time now to make a difference in your child’s life, in your community, and in our world.  We can create a more compassionate world – starting within our homes.

Here are six ways we can help our children rise with resilience, feel connected, and believe that they matter — and prevent bullying:

1. Get off our phones.

2.  Be present.

3.  Keep reflecting our children’s light and their goodness. – “We are the ones who have to send them the message that they belong, they matter, and they are loved. Always.”

4.  Teach our children responsibility. 

5.  Teach our children to be the one who risks kindness. – “We can model this. In your family, make this a motto: be the first one to be kind… The ‘first one to be kind’ is the leader. A strong, effective leader. Others will follow suit. Let’s teach our children the skills of empathy and courage to stand up for what is right.”

6.  We have to own our stuff to heal. – Lisa McCrohan

McCrohan gives much more commentary in her articles so read them in full when you have the time.

Her point #6 reminded me of a time when our children were in a small American school overseas. Our youngest has some learning issues as did the daughter of another mom in the school. One day I was subbing in her daughter’s class, and the mom just happened to come to the door during a math quiz. I had just walked away from her daughter’s desk after helping her get back on track with a complicated problem, and when the mom showed up, her daughter had begun to cry. For years after that, her mom and I had a strained relationship. She had made an assumption that I had left her daughter without the help she needed…which was not true. Our children struggled with some of the same learning issues, and we could have been such a support to each other, but…it wasn’t meant to be. Somewhere along the way, that mom had her own “stuff to heal”. It still bothers me today. That we couldn’t be friends because of a misunderstanding.

Was that mean girl stuff? No,but I do think those of us who tend to wall ourselves off from others or who have to be “the best, most popular” have some sort of wound that needs healing…before we pass it along to our children.

Anyway, ’nuff said. Our kids have been raised to be inclusive almost to a fault. Are they inclusive? No…not always, but neither am I. Still, understanding the value of “drawing circles” that welcome others in is a strong foundation on which we build relationships.

[If you have mean girls stories, either on the receiving end or that of being the one bullying, I’d love for you to share your experiences, counsel, etc. in Comments below.]

YouTube Video – Mean Girls – Best Scenes (Warning: some language)

Inner Circles – the Mad Pursuit of Position, Power, Prominence, and Plenty – Deb Mills

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5 Friday Faves – DreamWorks on Classical Guitar, Your Future Self, Wisdom of Great Leaders, Father’s Day, and Southern Baptists

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5 favorite finds this week – here goes:

1) DreamWorks on Classical Guitar – Nathan Mills (Beyond The Guitar) latest classical guitar video is a medley of movie themes by DreamWorks Animation. So beautiful.

All are arranged and performed by classical guitarist Nathan Mills (Beyond The Guitar). Enjoy!

2) Your Future Self – Productivity guru Darius Foroux writes about how we become our future selves. It’s not magic, nor is it rocket science. Our future selves are born out of what we are about today. Photo Credit: Flickr, Mitch Huang

“All I have to do now is look at my actions. I ask myself, “So you want to be independent, huh? What does that take?”

  • Are you creating things that people need?
  • Are you improving your skills?
  • Are adding value to other people’s lives?
  • Are you saving at least 10% of your income?
  • Are you investing your money?
  • Are you exercising enough?
  • Are you reading enough books?
  • Are you investing in yourself?

I can go on for a while. But you get the point. I’m questioning my habits here. It’s not about what you want — it’s about what you do.

And not in the future. Today.” – Darius Foroux

Foroux hands his readers a mirror and asks these pointed questions and others – regarding habits. Our junk food diet, our propensity for complaining, our couch-potato screen habits, our spending beyond what we make. Pretty much in-your-face. However, he also provides free helps to get us off the couch or office chair and on to the kinds of habits that move us to that future self we hope to be. His free ebook How to Get From Procrastinate Hero to Procrastinate Zero is valuable, worth hopping onto his email list for me.

Couch Potatoes vs. Creators – Oliver Burkeman

Don’t Fall Prey to Couch Potato Syndrome – Susan Mahoney

3) Wisdom of Great Leaders – Mark Crowley, leadership sage himself, posted a piece recently entitled 10 of the World’s Great Sages Share Their Most Important Leadership Advice. He’s taken these quotes from his own interviews with these leaders on his insightful Lead From the Heart podcast. Below are four of my favorite quotes from Crowley’s article. Check out the interviews in full – great stuff!
“When a human being feels as though they are being cared for and nurtured, their physiology works at its best…Leaders who affect the hearts in people get the best results, and your companies will become far more successful once you embrace this.” – Dr. James Doty

“A ‘multiplier’ leader is someone who uses their own intelligence, capabilities, and talents in a way that amplifies the talents and intelligence of others. They’re leaders who we’re best around.” – Liz Wiseman

“There’s a pathological disconnect between the attributes that seduce us when hiring managers and those that are actually needed to be an effective leader. We can see the effects of hyper-masculine leadership; what we need today are managers who are more self-effacing, empathetic and altruistic – other-focused people who are good coaches and mentors.” – Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic

“It’s not the big decisions that differentiate high-performing CEOs, it’s the volume and speed of their decisions. It’s about the speed rather than the precision on the hundreds of decisions they need to make.” – Kim Powell

The Oscar Wilde satirical quote below is NOT among Crowley’s #LeadFromtheHeart counsel above. It does speak to the problem of our leaders being knowers and non-learners. Learners are the best kind of knowers. Excellent leaders never stop learning.

Image result for wisdom of great leadersPhoto Credit: Flickr, Smita Nair Jain

4) Father’s Day – Celebrating Father’s Day this weekend!

We all have fathers – whether very present or long-time absent. Some of you may be fathers. Some of you may have wanted to be fathers but are not able to be…for whatever reasons. This day of commemoration usually means a good meal and some sort of gifting or pampering for you dads. For all of you, with or without children, you can be influencers…and we need you. My biological father was absent long before my parents divorced. Thankfully I have had a rich heritage of good fathers through the rest of my life – my step-dad, brothers, uncles, husband, father-in-law, son/son-in-law, and loving, empowering male friends and colleagues. Most of these good fathers in my life were spiritual fathers…but fathers nonetheless.

The Father I Never Knew on Father’s Day – Deb Mills Writer

Fathering – Celebrating Men Who Did It Well; Forgiving Men Who Didn’t – Deb Mills Writer

Traveling Man – Somewhere Between Here, There, & Home – Deb Mills Writer

Budweiser’s Father’s Day Ad Is Bringing People to Tears  – Lyn Mettler

Blog - Father's Day - B. C. comic
Photo Credit: B. C. Comics

5) Southern Baptists – My family didn’t start out in church or Christian. Mom was a believer but through a difficult marriage and trying to feed and clothe four children, she left church before I was born. After her divorce, neighbors invited us to church and it was a huge discovery for us…people who loved us even though we came with a lot of baggage as a family…and a God who loved us just as we were. It was a small Southern Baptist church in Georgia, and I’ve been Southern Baptist ever since.

In June every year church representatives of this large denomination meet somewhere in the US to worship together, reflect on the past year and plan for the future, and invariably, deal with some issue that could divide them.

After the fun of catching up with old friends and colleagues from years past, two of the highlights of this convention for me were:

  • the Scripture translation project (we could buy verses of the New Testament for $5 each – for a New Testament to be translated for a people group who don’t have it in their language). By the end of the convention, it was funded!

  • and the ministry panels.

Baptist Global Response panel on mercy ministries was one:

This year two of the dividing issues were the continuing need for racial reconciliation and responding with care to those victimized by clergy in the Southern Baptist Convention. We aren’t where we need to be eventually, but we made progress, thankfully.Image result for SBC panel on racial reconciliationPhoto Credit: Religion News

On racial reconciliation, I loved hearing Dhati Lewis, Missie Branch, and George Yancey.

“Before we can diversify our churches or organizations, we must diversify our dinner tables.” – Dhati Lewis

Diversity at the Dinner Table – Trillia Newbell

“When someone says, ‘I don’t see race’, what I hear is ‘You don’t see me.’” – George Yancey

Notes from the 2019 Southern Baptist Convention – George Yancey

Southern Baptists Give Greater Attention to Diversity But Acknowledge More Needed – Adelle M. Banks

The piece below is where I am after listening to the panel above:

Slowly and surely I began to realize that my problem was not that I was a person of privilege. Jesus was the most privileged being to ever walk this earth. My problem was what I did with my privilege. Would I use it (consciously or unconsciously) for my own gain, or could I let go of my grasp and use it to serve others. Jesus showed me how, “Who did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing”.

How Jesus lived and died would serve as an example for me, and would ultimately allow me to live and die like him. He has taken my shame so that I no longer have to respond defensively about my privilege. I can embrace it, now no longer for myself, but for those for whom Christ died and rose again. Not in a white savior way, He’s the Messiah, I am not. But in an incarnational, self-emptying, for-the-sake-of-others way.

The gospel for the privileged is that Christ took our state of mis-being so that we can live for others. Hallelujah. – Missioeric

Becoming a Church That Cares Well for the Abused – Video Course – Brad Hambrick

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That’s it. How about you? Share your favorite finds in Comments below. Have a blessed weekend.

Bonuses:

Raising Girls Who Are “Includers” Instead of “Mean Girls” – Lisa McCrohan

How to Help a Depressed Friend Through Their Illness and Recovery – Natalie Morris

Dear Church, Let’s Talk About Mental Health

How Complaining Physically Rewires Your Brain to Be Anxious and Depressed

Enneagrams and Enneagram Cupcakes (YouTube Videos on various types)

A Woman of Influence

Photo Credit: Brainy Quote

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Monday Morning Moment – Rewiring Your Brain Toward Thinking in the Positive

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Photo Credit: Hubspot, Carly Stec

OK…so today started really great. Then it got a bit murky…then downright dark. I was all set to turn today’s blog into the ultimate rant! Fortunately, something else happened along the way.Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

Looking up meanings to words like “disingenuous” and thinking of the ways that people communicate that shut others down. Aarrgghh!

25 Phrases That Kill Workplace Relationships – John Rampton

Which of These Incredibly Annoying Pet Peeves is the Worst? – Analise Dubner

Then…I snapped out of it. Negative thinking is such an unhelpful, unhealthy activity. It is not how I want to be, nor was I ever…routinely negative, that is… until recent years. Getting older seems to bend us toward negativity. My mama sure didn’t raise me to be that way.Photo Credit: Disney Film Bambi, CineLessons, Pinterest

Somewhere in the middle of beefing up my rants on condescension  and exclusivity and those most affected by decision-making not having a place at that table (see the downward spiral?)…I took a deep breath and turned around. Dave will sometimes tell me “pull up” when he could see me mentally plunge downward…and so I did…pull up.

You may have read what I wrote previously about identifying negativity and correcting course. It seems to be a bit of a recurrent subject of late. Those pieces are here:

Monday Morning Moment – Grumpy Begets Grumpy – Understanding It, Not Reacting, and Turning It Around – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Negativity – Its Cost and Cure – Deb Mills

Today, I came across a super-simple prescription for rewiring our thinking toward positivity. The team at Daily Health Post focused on complaining as a culprit that can actually cause our brains to default to anxiety and depression. From experience, I know this is true. Check out the article below:

How Complaining Physically Rewires Your Brain to Be Anxious and Depressed

Photo Credit: Daily Health Post

The prescription for rewiring our thinking is straightforward and easy, with practice. In fact, these four reminders could easily sit on a card at our work station to help us stay on the road and out of the ditch:

  • Be grateful. – Keep a journal and write down things/persons for which you’re grateful – morning and evening. Turn your thoughts toward gratitude when you’re tempted to go negative/complaining.
  • Catch yourself. – Shake off the negativity before your friends/coworkers intervene…or pull away. Learn to catch yourself and change course.
  • Change your mood. – If your emotions start to spiral, shift your environment. Take a walk. Listen to music. Step away from your work station. Grab a few minutes with a friend.
  • Practice wise effort. – “Wise effort is the practice of letting go of anything that doesn’t serve you. If your worry won’t improve your situation or teach you a lesson, simply let it go and move on.This is much easier said then done, of course, but if you write it out, ask friends for advice, and take some time to think it through constructively, it really can be done.” – Daily Health Post

All this is common sense. Still, in an age of outrage, we must practice thinking positively until it becomes a discipline…a healthy habit.

So…as fascinating as you would have found my rant, I’m sure…better to let it go…and the stress along with it. For now. There are things, destructive hurtful actions (or communications) that might need our intervention along the way. However, we only hurt ourselves and those closest to us when we just go all negative, faithless, and brooding. Thanking God, this is not how this day will end.

The Art of Being a Great Coworker: 13 Ways to Improve Your Work Relationships – Carly Stec

Photo Credit: Frank Sonnenberg Online

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5 Friday Faves – On Being Sober, A State in Mourning, Favorite Podcast, National Cancer Survivors Day, and a Call to Prayer

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Happy Weekend! Here are my favorite finds for this week:

1) On Being Sober – Writer storyteller Brené Brown posted this incredible piece this week entitled: What Being Sober Has Meant to Me. I didn’t know she had had a drinking problem. Her story resonates with my own. Here’s a bit of her take on it:

“At first I struggled to feel ‘drunk enough’ to belong at AA. The DUI-divorce-got-fired stories made me wonder if I was in the wrong place. As a rule-follower, I found a sponsor and asked her if I was in the right meetings. She diagnosed me with “a Pupu platter of addictions”— not too much of any one thing, but enough of each one to be concerned. Her advice was to quit drinking, quit smoking, quit emotional eating, and quit trying to control and manage my family’s crises. Awesome. On it.” –  Brené Brown

Photo Credit: Brené Brown, Facebook

My mom never drank alcohol. She grew up impoverished with a dad who was drunk more than not. She saw the destructive nature of addiction and steered clear. I had a short season of social drinking in my 20s. It ended at a party when, after finishing the one glass of wine I had intended to drink, my best friend’s husband appeared immediately with another. He was all smiles, and said, “And here I thought you were a goodie two-shoes about drinking.” A very old expression but his remark burned into my soul. My whole character seemed defined by my stance on alcohol!!

Recently I was having dinner with a friend in her 20s who had decided to stop drinking. Her reason was she found that when she drank she pretty quickly moved into this personality and looseness (for lack of a better word) that were not who she was normally. She decided she much preferred to just be herself, and not drinking was the solution for her. I resonated with her on that (everyone has to determine if this is something to consider for themselves ).

Read Brown’s article – it is NOT shaming but rather encouraging and empowering. One last quote from her for today:

“Over the past two decades, food and work have emerged as my real drugs of choice. Like most addiction, they’re fueled by shame and the “not enough” gremlins. They’re also tricky addictions because I’m good at abstaining but not so good at moderation. Food and work don’t lend themselves to abstinence…If I stay in fit spiritual condition — boundaries, vulnerability, honesty, authenticity, connection to God, healthy food, exercise, and sleep — I won’t be running toward or away from cold beer or warm carbs.” – Brené Brown

What Being Sober Has Meant to Me – Brené Brown

Mary Karr Names Names – Nina Puro

Everybody Knows: 10 Lessons from 10 Years of Sobriety Without AA – Mishka Shubaly

2) A State in Mourning– [This demanded a moment of recognition even though it certainly isn’t a usual favorite find for me. it is for us to grieve.] Flags are at half-mast around our state this week because of three separate incidents where a total of 17 people died, including a 9 y/o girl. Our local newspaper, the Richmond Times-Dispatch gave the details of a random shooting, a workplace shooting and a church van accident. A sad week as we, in Virginia, mourned their loss.

3) Favorite Podcast – On a lighter note, my friend and podcaster Kevin Prewett, delivers every single week. Not just entertainment but great counsel on work and life through his Rising Tide Startups podcast.

Kevin’s focus is to help those of us who are dreaming of or actually launching a startup of some sort. His guests come from a wide range of disciplines, from musicians to project managers to business coaches. Through the podcast, each tells her story and gives insight to those on a similar path. Kevin also brings mini-courses to his listeners. His guests present specialized content in a 5-minute segment, like we would have to pay for in another setting.

I have gained so much from his various guests, and starting up a business isn’t on my radar. Just learning volumes from these folks’ life and business experience.

An example of one of his guests is website builder Chris Parker, founder of What Is My IP Address? Here is the podcast and transcript of his interview. So fascinating.

Rising Tide Startups

Rising Tide Startups – YouTube Channel

4) National Cancer Survivors Day – The first Sunday of June each year is National Cancer Survivors Day. It gives us the opportunity to celebrate those who survive their cancer experience (diagnosis, treatment, and recovery).

Photo Credit: National Cancer Survivors Day, Facebook

This week marks 3 years since my diagnosis with Stage 1 lung cancer. That was a shocker! I’m so thankful to have been diagnosed so early in the course of the disease…and to be well today.

We all have loved ones we lost to cancer and we want to honor them always. This commemoration of cancer survivors is also a right thing to do.

National Cancer Survivors Day also calls for celebrating all those who helped us come out the other side of cancer. Our family and friends, colleagues, and the medical personnel involved with our care.

A friend and fellow writer, Ann Lovell, has survived cancer twice. Her dad, Bob Anderson, wrote a beautiful poem about these “angels of mercy”:

Angels of mercy
Their faces aglow
May visit among us
We can’t really know

But we know divine purpose
And power unfold
With struggle reflected
Through luminous souls.

Ann posted: “I am grateful that we never walk alone — that God’s Spirit always carries us, sustains us, and protects us; that God places people in our lives to be the hands and feet of Jesus just when we need Him most….Thank you to the many “angels of mercy” who walked alongside us then and now. I am grateful.” – Ann Lovell

Me, too.

5) A Call to Prayer – Finally, I am struck by the many calls to prayer we hear in life. A sick little boy, a friend in a troubled marriage, the grief of losing a beloved grandmother, the need for a new job, etc. etc.

Many of the world’s religions have a call to prayer as part of their religious practices.

Jesus counseled his disciples to “watch and pray” (Matthew 26:41)

Photo Credit: Front Royal Church of Christ

I am so thankful that God calls us to prayer. Not because He doesn’t know already what we desperately need, but because He wants us to bring our needs to Him…He hears, He sees, and He will draw near to us as we draw near to Him.

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” – Hebrews 4:14-16

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That’s it for me this week. How about you? Any favorite finds? Please share in the Comments. Hope you get to rest…and be blessed.

Bonuses:

Indicators of Human Trafficking

On The Time We Have Left With The People Who Matter Most to Us

Why Simplifying May Protect Our Children’s Mental Health

A View From the Other Side

C. S. Lewis Still Has Much to Offer Us – Daniel Peterson

Photo Credit: Marc Merlin, Facebook

Nathan Mills, of Beyond the Guitar, is featured this month in the East Carolina University alumni magazine.

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5 Friday Faves – ‘Interstellar’ on Guitar, Healing After Trauma, Benefactors in Education, Hope for Human Trafficking, and the ‘American Idol’ Finale

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It’s the weekend! Here are my five favorite finds of the week plus a big list of bonuses (since I didn’t post my faves last week). Enjoy!

1) ‘Interstellar’ on Guitar – Get ready for Nathan‘s arrangement and performance of Hans Zimmer composer ‘s brilliant theme for the film Interstellar.

The Story of How Hans Zimmer Wrote the “Interstellar’ Theme Will Give You Chills – Gus Lubin

Beyond the Guitar YouTube Channel

2) Healing After Trauma – A favorite author of mine, Karen Swallow Prior, got hit by a bus one year ago this week. It is not the sort of thing you rise up from – especially in the way she has, back to teaching, writing, and running. Nigh unto a miracle! Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

She writes about the trauma she experienced in the article Role of the Body in Healing After Trauma.

“I confess that before experiencing this trauma, I thought that emotional (as well as spiritual) healing consisted primarily in thinking the right things and believing the right things. I didn’t understand the role the body plays. Yet, the original meaning of the word “emotion” is “a physical disturbance.” Emotions originate in the body, not the mind.”

“Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, “traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies.” Because trauma is an embodied experience, the book shows, those who have suffered trauma must pay attention to the sensations of their bodies in order to recover:

Being frightened means that you live in a body that is always on guard. Angry people live in angry bodies. The bodies of child-abuse victims are tense and defensive until they find a way to relax and feel safe. In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them.

For healing from trauma to take place, Van der Kolk says, “the body needs to learn that the danger has passed”.” – Karen Swallow Prior

I am thankful that Dr. Prior has recovered so well from the terrible accident she experienced. The healing she is experiencing after that trauma clearly goes so much deeper than just her body returning to its [new] normal.

Role of the Body in Healing After Trauma – Karen Swallow Prior

A New Normal: 10 Things I’ve Learned About Trauma – Catherine Woodiwiss

3) Benefactors in Education – We have all benefited from others all across our education. Benefactors – people who went above and beyond. I have teachers from as far back as first grade whose names are still with me. Teachers who instilled curiosity and wonder. Others, including our parents, who invested in us, both in our learning and our mastery of the stuff of life. Through this week, I discovered 3 small news events/articles that I wanted to pass on – three very different benefactors but heroes all:

Billionaire investor Robert F. Smith – Morehouse Commencement Speaker to Pay Off Class of 2019’s Student Loans – Bo Emerson

Photo Credit: KUT NPR Radio

The folks at Libraries Without Borders – Bringing Literacy to Laundromats with Libraries Without Borders – Kim Doleatto

Parents and parent-surrogates who emotionally engage with their kids (young and old) – New Study: The More You Hug Your Kids, The More Their Brains Will Grow

Are there benefactors in your education? Please give them a shout-out in the Comments.

4) Hope for Human Trafficking – [This is about sexual trafficking, in particular.] This past week I got to watch the film Nefarious: Merchant of Souls. It is a documentary on the global sex trade and it will shock you at the scope and complexity of this terrible problem.

We must be willing to look at this pervasive problem, and we must have hope. The kind of hope driven by awareness and action.Photo Credit: Abolitionion

  • Read all you can through the International Justice Mission.
  • Volunteer with and/or support a local justice agency. Ours is Richmond Justice Initiative.
  • Seek training through one of these agencies.
  • Investigate what your local law enforcement agencies are doing to combat sex trafficking. Determine what the laws are in your state.
  • Finally, be vigilant in watching for those around you who may be victims of sex trafficking, or targets of sex traffickers. I have the National Human Trafficking Hotline in my phone contacts. It is 888-373-7888.

I have the hotline number in my phone because one day I was shopping in a large thrift store, and caught a strange exchange between a very young mom and a middle-aged man. We were all in the children’s clothing section of the store. He was making small talk with her and clearly (by the content of their conversation) had not known her before that interaction. He asked her too-familiar questions, and she talked freely, revealing intimate details about her life situation.To this stranger. They ended up leaving the store at the same time, if not together. It was hard to tell. I actually followed them out, but when I got outside they were gone. That fast. Maybe it was nothing…but that was the day I put the hotline number in my phone…and I still remember that young mom and pray for her when I do. Now, she may be just fine, raising her baby in the circle of a loving family. I hope so.

This problem is so wrong, the world over. We must do what we can.

YouTube Video – Sex Trafficking Survivor Tells Her Harrowing Story – Megyn Kelly Today

I Am Jane Doe Film

[After such a serious subject, I almost feel weird to end with such a light one…but I don’t think it will make you forget the problem above.

5) The ‘American Idol’ Finale – I’m not so much into reality shows, but this particular show has captured a bit of my heart. No way to know what happens behind the scenes of this production, but the young people who compete to become this year’s American Idol are stellar! Out of hundreds came a Top 20 who all have incredible voices, personality, and style.Photo Credit: American Idol, ABC

Week by week, contestants were let go, first by the judges, and then by a vote of American fans. In the end, three incredibly talented and lovable finalists remained: Madison Vandenburg, Alejandro Aranda, and Laine Hardy. All three of these young people will have music careers ahead of them. Incredibly talented. The winner this season? Louisiana country singer Laine Hardy – watch the video below for the exciting reveal and Hardy performing his debut single.

That’s it for me this week. Any favorite finds you’d like to share with us? Please do in Comments below. Blessings!

Bonuses:

C. S. Lewis: Beware the Temptation of the ‘Inner Ring’ – Art Lindsley

Tim Conway died this week. A man who made us all laugh.

People living with ALS share their data in extraordinary effort to end the devastating disease

How we respond to one grieving…what do we say? Video below with Kelly Corrigan (author of Tell Me More)

45 hilarious times Americans didn’t get how things work in Britain

It’s Not Just Salt, Sugar, Fat: Study Finds Ultra-Processed Foods Drive Weight Gain – Maria Godoy

The season of produce stands (this one is in the family):Photo Credit: Carol Wink, Facebook

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Monday Morning Moment – Raising Adults – Part 2 – Creating a Culture of Serving

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Photo Credit: Summit Kids Academy

[Adapted from my presentation at a recent home-school conference – Part 1 on Raising Adults with the focus on work and responsibility can be found here.]

One of the most challenging tasks a parent has is to teach a small child how to be deferential – to respectfully give way to another, to put another first. Whew! This is a hard one. It’s not just about helping a child understand sharing. It’s our demonstrating and them seeing the value of people and taking hold of how we can serve or help them, no matter our age. Not for any reward for ourselves but just because others matter.

The battles of will that communicate “Me, me!” or “Mine, mine!” can wear us out – both parent and child.

Yesterday we talked about work and kids’ discovery that they can make a difference. Work and exercising responsibility are their own reward. Often there is compensation, but work is a head issue – a decision made to insert ourselves into a situation for the good of all (both the worker and the larger community).

Serving is a heart issue. In the role of the server, we do ultimately benefit, but the whole focus is on the one served. Serving, by its nature, requires sacrifice, sometimes small but, even for a child, it can be substantial.

Before we dive in, let’s pray to wrap our own hearts around this.

 “Father, we want to be wholly Yours. Whatever You ask of us…we want to be ready and willing. Not only to be laborers in the Harvest, but to serve with the same heart and mind that Jesus had while He walked this earth. Humble, loving, deferential to others. A servant heart, a mind bent toward You, God, a body and life laid-down in love for others. We want to be responsible and to do good work. Teach us to take our hearts even higher…or lower as the case may be…to serve as Jesus did, in Your abundant grace. In His name. Amen.”

When we model and teach work, the mindset or worldview we communicate to our children is “Get it done and done well”. In action and attitude.

In serving, one distinctive might be the military acronym: ABCD – Above & Beyond the Call of Duty.

“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross.” – Philippians 2:5-8

“He has shown you, O mankind, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?” – Micah 6:8

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4

What if, along with with leading our children to be responsible, we created a culture of serving? What would our homes be like if our kiddos embraced serving as a good thing and something they were capable of? And not just for a jelly bean or a favorite TV show.

Photo Credit: Caring For Our Generations

Lisa Jacobson, author, encourager and mother of 8 has a lot to say about her own experience of creating a culture of serving:

“I did things right. The way things should be done. Oh, and, of course, I was serving my family all the while. I was the sacrificial mom who cooked, laundered, and cleaned up after everyone. Most every job was done by me.

And, as a “shining model” of service, I figured my children would eventually follow my example. It was obvious that I worked hard and did my best to please our family. So wouldn’t they just naturally follow in my footsteps? More is caught than taught, right? But you know something? They didn’t catch on like I thought they would. They really enjoyed being served…and it kind of stopped there. I was a good giver. They were good takers.” – Lisa Jacobson

She then discovered how to teach her children the joy of serving others:

  • Start by letting them work [serve] alongside you.
  • Teach your children to notice what needs to be done. [This one point is so worth your time reading thus far – both in working & serving – guiding our children to see, for themselves, what needs to be done. It’s a strong beginning to winning their hearts.]
  • Let them enjoy helping out.
  • Instruct them in how they can be a help to you [and others].
  • Cheer them on as they learn to serve.

Teaching Our Children the Joy of Serving Others – Lisa Jacobson

Photo Credit: Intentional by Grace

“God does not need your good works, but your neighbor does.” – Martin Luther

Author, educator, and pastor Andy Crouch writes about our callings in life. He is speaking to Christians, but these would richly apply to anyone who believes in God as our Creator.

Our three callings*:

  • To bear the image of God. [“Be fruitful & multiply.” Our human calling is inextricably linked with the family where we first found our name, language, identity, and home.]
  • To restore the image of God. [Our distinctive calling as Christians is to actively seek out the places where that image has been lost, to place ourselves at particular risk on behalf of the victims of idolatry and injustice. So in every workplace, Christians should be those who speak up most quickly, and sacrifice their own privileges most readily, for those whose image-bearing has been compromised by that organization’s patterns of neglect. In every society, Christians should be the most active in using their talents on behalf of those the society considers marginal or unworthy. In every place where the gospel isn’t known, Christians should be finding ways to proclaim Jesus as the world’s true Lord and “the image of the invisible God.”]
  • To make the most of today (contingent calling). [If you get the first two right, the third is practically an afterthought. Your third calling is your contingent calling: to make the most of today, while it is called today. “Contingent” is a word used to describe something that could be otherwise—in that sense, it’s the opposite of necessary. It’s also used to describe something that depends on something else—in that sense, it’s the opposite of independent. You are in some particular place today—maybe at school, maybe on a bus, maybe in a workplace, maybe at home. And you are there with certain resources—memory, energy, reason, attention, skill. All these are contingent. It is God within these that we must learn to discern and then serve as He leads.

[Heady topics for a 2 y/o maybe…but highly teachable concepts, as well…how would we teach and model these three callings to our little ones?]

“There is one topic that I’m extremely interested in that the writers of Scripture do not seem interested in at all—and that topic is, actually, me. I am quite interested in the expressive individual that I call me—but Scripture turns out not to be interested in me hardly at all. It is somewhat more interested in me as a member of a community, connected to one of the “nations” of the earth—but really, what Scripture is interested in is God, God’s mission in the world, God’s commissioning of a people, and God’s gracious invitation to me to stop being so interested in me and start being absolutely fascinated by [Him and] his mission.” – Andy Crouch

*The Three Callings of a Christian – Andy Crouch

How do we cultivate a culture of serving in our home, community – for ourselves and our children? What are you doing? What do you dream of doing? Please share in Comments below. Thanks.

As with work, so with service, we not only model but insure our children have the opportunity to contribute what only they can do – for others…whether operating out of their strengths or their weaknesses.

Looking back, I don’t think we created a culture of serving in our home during our kids’ childhood. It was just easier to do it myself, right? They had so little time, between schoolwork and their other “just being children/youth” activities. This is a regret for me today. There were moments, however, – bright and shining…teachable moments where they did see how serving mattered…especially when they (at whatever age) showed up to serve. Now I hope to help our grown-up children model and teach serving to their grands. Can’t wait to see them, growing up to adulthood, discover the continuous joy of serving others.

Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

Parents, Take Note of the Spiritual Practices Common to Kids Who Flourish As Adults – Trevin Wax