Category Archives: Attitude

5 Friday Faves – Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings, the Thai Cave Rescue, Pizza Memories, Friends Through Thick & Thin, and Returning the Favor

The weekend is here! My favorite finds of the week are below. Add your favorites in the Comments below:

1) Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings – From books to movies, we have a favorite between these two – Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. They fall in a similar genre of stories about exploits, wizards and wonders. We happen to be Lord of the Rings fans. Nathan Mills of Beyond the Guitar has arranged a mash-up of melodies from both films. All the feels.

For those of us who follow Nathan’s career, he was also featured again this week on the Rising Tide Startups podcast. Check it out here.

2) The Thai Cave Rescue – We all celebrate the Thai Cave Rescue where national and international forces came together to accomplish the impossible. The rescue of 12 boys and their coach, from deep in a mountain cave, trapped by rising waters. Photo Credit: CBS Philly

Engineers, divers, doctors, and so many others turned this story from tragedy to triumph. A miracle, really. Not without loss. A former Thai Navy Seal diver, Saman Kunont, died while they they were setting up oxygen lines for the rescue. His death most assuredly helped those who would later be successful in bringing the boys and their coach to safety.

Did the World Care More About the Boys in the Cave Than Other Kids in Crisis?Malaka Gharib & Marc Silver

3) Pizza Memories The food we enjoy often has memories attached to it. Biscuits and gravy are a comfort food that takes me all the way back to childhood. My mom, on her days off, happily making up homemade biscuits and gravy – patting out the biscuits onto the pan and, while they cooked, standing over the gravy, constantly stirring it into perfection. Just the mention of Tang orange drink takes me back to Red Sea family respites from our crazy Cairo life. We stayed in quite affordable hotels offering the loveliest local food. What looked like orange juice on the breakfast buffet was Tang, and it meant we were away from the big city – with all the nurture of blue sky and fresh sea air.

Pizza memories return us to places and people that continue to be endearing. My years of teaching at Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut, included lunches and suppers out, lingering over the great food of local eateries. New Haven pizza is well-known through the US. The culinary styles of pizza vary from the thin charred crust of New York and Chicago pizza to the cheesy, deep dish Greek pizzas.

My best food memories of New Haven center on an old campus favorite with the unlikely name of Clark’s Dairy (it was also an ice cream shop). Name changed to Clark’s Family Pizza & Restaurant.  There our order was always the same: coffee and the Feta cheese and sausage pizza. Photo Credit: Yelp

Your Guide to the Best Pizza in New Haven – Munchies

Tony and Lucille’s Little Italy Restaurant – Best calzones I’ve ever tasted

Where do your favorite pizza memories take you?

4) Friends Through Thick & Thin – “Don’t forget to crowd your calendar with depression this week”, said no one ever. I was really looking forward to this week…then dark thoughts and their resulting lethargy fell over me like a suffocating wet blanket. I could still manage most of the usual stuff, but the very things that would have lightened my heart required me to get myself there…and it just didn’t happen.

Friendship that endures, over time and trouble, is an amazing gift. People you know will be there, not just for you, but for those you love also, are such a treasure. I hopefully am a better friend because of those who have stuck with me through the years, even when I wasn’t at my best. Friends like this one who missed me…when a no-show.

No judgment. No advice. No rejection. Just care. The note went on to give updates about her family which were a delight to hear/read.

In her bestselling book Kitchen Table Wisdom, Rachel Naomi Remen writes:

“I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it’s given from the heart. When people are talking, there’s no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they’re saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it.” – from Therese Borchard’s 8 Ways to Help a Friend or Family Member With Depression

When we struggle and seemingly remove ourselves from others… maybe we do need to be left alone for awhile. Mostly, however, we just need to be invited in, even in our diminished states. Does this resonate?

Keeping Friends When You Have Depression Is a Challenge – Jennifer Smith

What If Everything You Know About Depression Was Wrong? – Now This (Op-Ed)

Six Ways Jesus Fought Depression – John Piper

5 Things Christians Should Know About Depression and Anxiety – Brandon W. Peach

5) Returning the FavorMike Rowe is this funny, larger-than-life TV show host and writer. He currently stars in a web series entitled Returning the Favor. The goal of this production is to discover and showcase the lives of regular folks who are doing good in their neighborhoods. Then Rowe, through various means, surprises this local heroes with some sort of monetary gift and national recognition. I never knew about him or his work until this week, so now, except for the money part, I want to return the favor and recognize the good he does.

These are my five favorite finds. How about you? Anything that energized your week, brought a special kind of joy, or you just found funny? Share it with us.

Have a splendid weekend with those you love or those who could do with a bit of your love.

Bonuses

[First fruits of a summer garden – thanks to Dave.]

We Really Need to Stop Complimenting People on Weight Loss – Abby Langer

Grey’s Anatomy Give Peace a Chance – Derek & Isaac – Season 6, Episode 7 – a great script, on being a surgeon and on being a patient who has already endured terrible suffering but putting his trust in the surgeon:

How to Write With Style: Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 Keys to the Power of the Written Word – Maria Popova

Justice Is a Gospel and Ecclesiastical Issue – Chip M. Anderson

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice

Oley Brothers Are New Owners of Richmond’s Westhampton Pastry Shop – Tammie SmithPhoto Credit: Yelp

Worship Wednesday – Undivided – First Call

Photo Credit: Every Day Is Special

I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. – 1 Corinthians 1:10

Eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.Ephesians 4:3-6

But he, knowing their thoughts, said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and a divided household falls.” – Luke 11:17

“Always pull from the same end of the rope.” This was the marriage advice given to Nathan and Bekkah by a couple of strangers. An older man and woman came up to Bekkah after one of Nathan’s concerts and just engaged her in conversation. Over the course of their chat, they gave this young couple a jewel of wisdom…not just for marriage but for life…

“Always pull from the same end of the rope.”

We live in a divided world.

Even in the church, the unity God means for us to have with one another is constantly under fire. By our differences, our ambitions, and our passions. How do we link arms when offenses and attitudes and preferences loom large? Sometimes larger, if we are all honest, than our calling in Christ.Photo Credit: Paul Lee, Heartlight

God help us…and He will.

In my regular Bible reading this morning, in Nehemiah 3, God displayed a beautiful picture of unity. Nehemiah, a cupbearer for King Artaxerxes, heard of the distress of the Jews in the broken-down city of Jerusalem. He was personally moved to action on their behalf and asked leave to go help them. He would undertake supervising the great task of the rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem.

Throughout chapter 3 of Nehemiah, you read the phrases “after him” or “next to them”. Nehemiah recorded name after name of the men stationed one beside the other, doing the work of rebuilding the wall. In Nehemiah 4, when the local authorities felt threatened by the work, they did all they could to demoralize the workmen. Even to the point of inciting fear for their lives. Nehemiah, for the sake of the workers and the work, assigned half of them to shifts repairing the wall and half to stand ready with spears. In fact, even those laboring on the wall would have their weapons at hand. Ready to fight for each other whenever necessary…whenever the alarm is sounded.

“In the place where you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there. Our God will fight for us.” – Nehemiah 4:20

This is unity.

The determination to be one together…as in a part of the whole…as we see in the unity of God in Three (John 17:22). The conviction that division, no matter the worthiness of the reason, robs us of our power and influence Robs God of His glory in His people. The humility and courage to root out division – with our work tools in one hand and our weapons in the other.

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” – JesusJohn 13:35

In an era sadly in the past, churches would, as needed, call themselves into a solemn assembly. This wasn’t just a share around a campfire, or a “confess fest”. A solemn assembly provides the setting for a deep dealing with sin in the church. Division, unholy and self-serving, can only be rooted out by corporate prayer and repentance.

Each of us can make a difference in the lives of our families, our churches, our cultures by refusing to be divided against each other. If we are willing to walk humbly and biblically with each other.  Working with one hand and holding God’s Word (toward love and against division) with the other. We are rarely given the option, in Scripture, to just walk away. To be repulsed by what we think is wrong; to pull ourselves out of the work and relationships; to just walk away.

[If an enemy threatens…we have God’s instructions as well…and His power fighting for us. However, to just abandon one another, especially to an enemy…and weaken the work and our witness? This is not the answer. Dealing with an enemy that divides us takes great wisdom, faith, and both courage and humility. Pointing our fingers at another is part of the problem, and we all know it if we would open our eyes to it. However, confronting the enemy in wise and Godly ways, may be required of any or all of us at some point in our lives. Remembering also that our enemy is spiritual more than physical.]

When we are having a hard time in this work of being in unity, Dave and I sometimes run through the names of people who give us hope. Those whom we know will always hold the rope for us if we are dangling off the edge of a cliff. Those also for whom we would do the same. It’s an exercise that helps us remember that God calls us to fight for each other…for those most worthy and even those, in our estimation, least worthy… In actuality, we are not the judge of this, God is. It is God who is worthy and He calls us, in His strength, to stand with each other. Alongside each other. Undivided.

Take a moment to savor the singing of this song Undivided by the vocal trio First Call. In this rendition, they are joined by Wayne Watson, Larnelle Harris, and Steve Green – all pioneers in contemporary Christian music.

[I get cold chills every time.]

Worship with me to Undivided by First Call:

We may worship different ways
We may praise Him
And yet spend all of our days
Living life divided

But when we seek Him with open hearts
He removes the walls we built
That keep us apart
We trust Him to unite us

In our hearts, we’re undivided
Worshiping one Savior, one Lord
In our hearts, we’re undivided
Bound by His spirit forevermore
Undivided

It doesn’t matter if we agree
All He asks is that we serve Him faithfully
And love as He first loved us
He made us in His image

And in His eyes, we are all the same
And though out methods they may be different
Jesus is the bond that will remain

In our hearts, we’re undivided
Worshiping one Savior, one Lord
In our hearts, we’re undivided
Bound by His spirit forevermore
Undivided

In our hearts, we’re undivided
Worshiping one Savior, one Lord
In our hearts, we’re undivided
Bound by His spirit forevermore
Undivided*

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. – Colossians 3:12-15

*Lyrics to Undivided written by Melodie Tunney, 1986

First Call Music

Don’t Give Up – Jon Bloom – Desiring God

Monday Morning Moment – Laughter in the Hallways – Workplace Humor

Photo Credit: Arkadin, Sophie Huss

Michael Kerr makes a living with Humor at Work. His video  “It’s Monday Morning!…I can’t wait to go to work.” is the stuff of wonder. Wasn’t there a time you couldn’t wait to get to work? If never, or especially not today, then you could start with lightening your workday baggage with lightening your heart.

Photo Credit: Awesome at Your Job Podcast

Kerr talks about using three mental tools – 3 R’s – to shake-up your perspective in a happy way:

  1. Reframe – Stress is one person’s take on a stressor. Where the voices in our heads take us isn’t necessarily how the situation will play out in reality. So wisdom is to “practice playing with the voices in our heads”. Reeling in our negative reactions to stress isn’t about stuffing them but about turning them into healthy (and potentially) humorous responses. My husband and I have a couple of mantras – lines from an old Western movie titled Silverado – that we use to lighten a situation:
    “It’s working out real good.” – Danny Glover responding to a question of how he was; bloody, beaten, and unscathed by it, in his resolve to get the bad guys.                                                                   “That ain’t right and I’ve had enough of what ain’t right.” – again, Glover.                                                                                                                     YouTube – Silverado – Film Clip – Ready for Revenge
  2. Reward – Kerr prescribes attaching a reward to something that is stressful. Say if there is a specific type of meeting or a particular colleague that stresses you out. Put a reward in place that you can go to after those meetings/encounters. It doesn’t have to be chocolate. It can be a walk around the building – inside to say hi to encouraging people or outside to just enjoy nature. If you find yourself demoralized by a situation, what can you do to both laugh at yourself and give others the opportunity to do the same? We can take ourselves and our stresses entirely too seriously. Our enjoyment of work and our work itself can both be debilitated if we can’t figure out how to “pull up”. Rewards. What sounds like it would work for you? For your team?
  3. RelaxStress does terrible things to us mentally, physically, and emotionally. Laughter does just the opposite. Sometimes, our focus on spreadsheets, email, and weighty decision-making leaves little room for laughter in our work lives. Who’s responsible for that? We can blame our boss, or the CEO, or whomever. However, we can also just learn to relax – creating space – putting distance between us and what causes our stress. Kerr talks about a Humor First Aid Kit. This could include funny books, workplace humor photo signs to use for selfies etc., props to wear or place on your or your coworkers’ desks, bobbleheads …chocolate. What would you recommend?Photo Credit: AppAdvice

The Power of Workplace Humor – Podcast with Michael Kerr – Awesome at Your Job

Image may contain: text

Photo Credit: Sam Glenn, Facebook

We have all had the occasional forced fun day foisted upon us by C-suite execs – leaders who have diagnosed that way too many employees are silently and loudly giving all indication that morale is low. They are trying so give some grace here. Don’t punish yourself by refusing the free lunch or tshirt. Just come up with your own ideas of what helps you and your team get the joy back.

“It’s Monday morning!! I can’t wait to get to work.” Do it for yourself and for those you care about at work.

Utilizing Humor in the Workplace – Michael Kerr

The Work-Laugh Balance: Why Humor Is Key to Workplace HappinessSophie Huss

YouTube Video – Humor at Work – Andrew Tarvin – TEDx Talk

Photo Credit: Andrew Tarvin, TEDx Talk, YouTube

YouTube Video – The Skill of Humor – Andrew Tarvin – TEDx Talk

YouTube Video – Communications – What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Workfront and Tripp and Tyler Present: “Email in Real Life” – includes Outtakes

The Four Keys to a Successful Workplace Culture That Drives Business Results Michael Kerr

 

Monday Morning Moment – Great Bosses and Those Not So Much – What Makes an Exemplary Leader?

Photo Credit: Identity Magazine, Shereen Gaber

We burn entirely too much energy and each other’s time commiserating over bad bosses. We are all best served by remembering the great ones and what it is about them that makes us better for knowing them. When we take the time to puzzle out what makes for a great boss, we have the path marked for becoming that sort of boss…or leader…ourselves.

Last week, I discovered a piece on great bosses by seminary dean and leadership writer Chuck Lawless. In a bit, you will read his 10 characteristics he puts forward as common in his personal experience of top ten leaders.

10 Common Characteristics of the Top Ten Leaders I’ve Ever Worked With – Chuck Lawless

First though, after i took some time myself, thinking back on what was it about the great bosses I had that distinguished them above all others.

Here are my 10 Characteristics of Great Bosses, in no particular order:

  1. They were trustworthy. We knew they had our back…always.
  2. They had consummate integrity. They were consistent in attitude and action no matter the audience. Even under intense pressure, whatever it cost them, they stood their ground for what mattered.
  3. They showed faith in me and each of us on the team. Not just to get the job done but to do it as only I/we could.
  4. They (those male leaders) didn’t treat us women differently. In fact, if they ever did seem to treat us differently, the great ones modeled a valuing of what the women brought to the conversation. Great leaders never diminished us, either overtly or covertly.
  5. They showed genuine care, even fondness, for us. They didn’t just spend their best time and energy on work meetings outside our team. They actually carved time out with us as a team for seemingly the sheer joy of it.
  6. They gave us a voice in the decision-making…especially as it related to our particular work and how we thought it should be done.
  7. They knew us well enough to call us on our own character stuff. It was never just about the work, the project, the product or service. It was about our own growth.
  8.  They kept a sense of humor and regularly brought perspective. This wasn’t just about lightening the mood; this was about returning our thinking to the bigger picture, the greater good.
  9. They provided opportunities for each of us to keep growing and developing professionally.
  10. They pushed us in meaningful ways toward a shared vision…to keep our focus and stay on track.

That’s my 10 in looking back to the many great bosses…invaluable leaders…I’ve had in my career.

Dr. Lawless’ 10 Common Characteristics are these (go to his article for helpful commentary on each).

  1. They know Christ. – (his article was to a Christian audience. Still, many consider Jesus of Nazareth the greatest leader who ever lived.*)
  2. They continually dream about what’s next. 
  3. They trust the team they’ve enlisted. 
  4. They take care of their team. 
  5. They read present-tense reality well. 
  6. They get a lot done while still taking time off.
  7. There is no pretense in them. 
  8. They know the organization is bigger than they are. 
  9. They laugh a lot. 
  10. They adore their family and make time for them. Chuck Lawless

12 Characteristics of Effective Team Members – Chuck Lawless

*The Greatest Leader of All – Geoff Loftus

Whatever experience we have had with great bosses or those not so much, we can learn from them. I was glad to have Dr. Lawless’ prod to look back on the leadership in my own life. It was remarkable how both great bosses and bad ones hang in our memories. One day I might write about the bad ones – and I have stories… Today, I just want to think about them with compassion, figuring they didn’t get to that place without being negatively influenced somewhere along the way.

As for those great bosses…the ones who lead brilliantly, with genuine care and provision for those who work under them…here’s to you. May we learn from you, follow hard after you, and not be shy to show our own appreciation and consideration for you as well.

Photo Credit: Twitter, David Chou

In closing, I would love to hear about some of your great bosses… those leaders in your lives that stand out in your memory (or present experience). Please comment below. Feel free to tell stories or give tributes. We can celebrate together!

Are You a Great Boss? – John Lynn, Healthcare IT Today

Four Types of Bosses You Need to Avoid – Shereen Gaber

Photo Credit: Workboard

Monday Morning Moment – Sizing Up Your Future Employer

Graduation. Moving from student to employee. It’s an exciting time, riveted with possibility and weighty decision-making.

[Yep…our kids, one by one entering their next season of life.]

As parents, we hope, first off, that our children secure jobs in their field, in this competitive and changing workforce. Given that, it would be lovely for them to be in a company or organization where they can thrive and grow.

Work-life writer Simon Sinek and organizational psychologist Adam Grant have addressed this issue – this issue of looking for employers who genuinely care about their employees and invest in them. Photo Credit: Aspen Ideas Festival

It’s definitely something to consider as our graduates are applying for jobs. This pursuit of an employee-friendly employer should continue throughout our professional lives. At the end of our careers, who we are as people and what we were able to accomplish in work will be strongly impacted by our employers. Think about it.

I came across a piece written by Kaitlyn Wang last year. She summarized a talk Sinek and Grant gave at the 2017 OZY Fest.

Simon Sinek and Adam Grant on the Best Ways to Size Up a Potential Employer

In their talk, Wang writes, these two workplace thought leaders talked about the out-dated leadership value of customer always trumping employee. If in bottom line thinking, employees are under-valued and under-utilized, eventually the product, service, and customer will also suffer. To me, that is just common sense…and, to hear Sinek and Grant, that workplace scenario is changing.

For the new graduate (and any one of us looking for that future employer), two ideas are offered as telling of company values and leadership philosophy:

  • Ask the interviewer if they LOVE their company. Not like but love. See what their response reveals.
  • Ask the interviewer to tell a story about something “that would only happen at that company”.

How would you adapt these two ideas?

Even before the job interview, we can learn clues on the culture through the messaging on the company’s website and social media. What matters to those in charge? What is clear or not so much about employee engagement?

Something to consider…

Simon Sinek and Adam Grant on the Best Ways to Size Up a Potential Employer – Kaitlyn Wang

Millennials, Motivation, and the Changing World of Work – Video – Aspen Ideas Festival

50 Smartest Companies – 2017

The Happiest Companies to Work For in 2018

Top 10 Companies for Worker Satisfaction – Lily Martis

100 Best Companies to Work For

Monday Morning Moment – Doing What It Takes for Positive Impact

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

When we institute change, any change, there is a ripple effect. We have impact on those absorbing the change. Making and executing a decision can be quite satisfying, but impact is a whole other thing. No matter how necessary, innovative or even brilliant we think the change is, the outcome and impact may be less than we had hoped. Part of the change must take into consideration those most affected by it…Input in anticipation of change is key to positive impact.

We don’t want to use a new invention until we understand it. That doesn’t mean we need to understand how it functions. However, we need to grasp what it can do and what it can give us. Rachel Botsman

What happens when a new business process is introduced as a done deal? What happens when your job is to translate it to your team in such a way that there is buy-in, ownership and adoption? Hopefully, you are thrilled with the possibilities it presents. But…what if you’re not. What if you are moved t to wonder how it will alter your work team’s relationships and responsibilities…?

The “what if” questions lead middle managers or team leaders to “if only” assessments. If only our team could have spoken into this…a much better outcome and more positive impact could follow… without the disruption and chaos you know will come… unnecessarily.

We must be careful, as decision-makers to avoid the default of being task and development oriented to the point that we lose sight of the people impacted. It’s not just “get ‘er done”; it’s also “get ’em won”.

Leadership has its rewards in delivering on bottom line and fulfilling the expectations of shareholders. Where we struggle sometimes is moving too quickly in identifying a problem and developing a solution. Occasionally even publishing our solution cold to our department heads or work teams. They do not always meet our hard work and great solutions with enthusiasm…not because our teammates are ungrateful or clueless. No, in fact, they may have had their finger on the very pulse of those same  problems, working out solutions together but not to the point of finished product. We, as leaders, can swoop in like the cavalry, communicating that we alone can “fix the problem”. No need for input here, right? Wrong…sadly wrong.

Before putting in motion a sweeping new initiative, we can hope for maximum impact. Maximum positive impact.

How? If we are willing to do the extra work of gleaning from teams, we can build trust and an openness to adopt change. It’s a win-win.

The Three Steps of Building Trust In New Ideas and BusinessesRachel Botsman

Kathy Caprino, a career coach and leadership developer, wrote an excellent piece on having genuinely positive impact.

9 core behaviors of people who positively impact the world:

  1. They dedicate themselves to what gives their life meaning and purpose.
  2. They commit to continually bettering themselves.
  3. They engage with people in open, mutually-beneficial ways.
  4. They invest time and energy not in what is, but what can be.
  5. They embrace critique.
  6. They spread what they know. [No gatekeepers or bottlenecks here.]
  7. They uplift others as they ascend.
  8. They view the journey as the goal.
  9. They use their power and influence well.Kathy Caprino

[Caprino goes into much more depth in her article. Don’t miss it.]

Just a word on disruption. It, of course, can be a good thing. The thing for us all to remember about disruption, especially in the workplace, is that it is never recreational, especially to those whose positions or purposes are being disrupted. As Rachel Botsman demonstrates in the image below…when change is initiated, we may see one of at least three reactions. When we build trust and demonstrate valuing of those most affected by the change, positive impact can be that sought-after outcome of our endeavors.Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

It’s worth the work – and we are better leaders for doing it.

Thoughts?

When Disruption in the Workplace Turns to Dysfunction – Annemaria Duran

The Four Fundamentals of Successful Teams

YouTube Video – Time to Brave Up – Kathy Caprino – TEDx Talk

Monday Morning Moment – Giving Unsolicited Feedback…Or Maybe You Don’t

Photo Credit: The Blue Diamond Gallery

Feedback’s a good thing, right? We all want to know how we’re doing…how we’re being received?…maybe. Let’s define the term:

Feedback is a response from the receiver that informs the sender how the communication is being received in general”. – Bizcom_coach

Here’s a scenario: excitement is high at your company with the launch of a new product. The designers and project managers have put long hours and much brain power into getting everything just right. Colleagues and customers alike are riding the wave of enthusiasm at the magnificent capabilities of the product. You’re also caught up in the moment.

In your first test drive of the new product, you find a couple of glitches you didn’t expect. In fact, it’s a little harder to maneuver than you imagined. At first you think, “Well, it’s me. Operator error.” Then you think of how a few adjustments could potentially fix the glitches and smooth out of the bumps of its user unfriendliness.

Do you offer feedback?Photo Credit: Raquel Biem

Beware of the vast wilderness of unsolicited feedback.

It’s not like this product (or program or service) was thrown together without great forethought and brilliant design. If you noted the glitches, it is most probable that others have as well. Others, who are much closer to the product than you are…much closer to its design process than you were.

A wise position to take is: If you are not asked for feedback, your feedback is not wanted. Or, a bit less personal maybe, if you are not in the already established feedback loop, then the presumed right people are already working on it. The it being whatever you’re burning to give feedback on.

Feedback and advice can mean the same thing to the receiver, whether we consider them the same or not. In fact, we may feel it’s irresponsible or indefensible to withhold feedback when it would assuredly help both the company and the customer.

Where we think feedback is warranted, the project manager or design team may have already reached a point in the process where advice is not welcome. Affirmation? Yes…but advice (or feedback), no.

Whatever our position, expertise, or personality, we will, at times, see the need for offering feedback…even when it’s clearly unwanted.

I certainly have had that experience. One has to ask the question: Is my feedback serving my own ego or my company’s outcome? If we truly believe that what we offer to the mix will make a huge difference, then we may risk offering unsolicited feedback.

There was a time…even as recently as last week, when I thought the reward would outweigh the risk. My thinking has changed (especially in seeing that feedback could be construed as a form of negativism and therefore only clouding the issue rather than clarifying it.

I offer 10 steps toward giving unsolicited feedback. Within the 10 steps there are disciplines and delays that help fine-tune both our thinking and our actions. I would appreciate your thoughts on this…your feedback (in the Comments below).

  1. Pretend you are the project manager, the one executing the new program, product line, or service.
  2. Tear into it. Make as exhaustive a list as you can as to both the positive and negatives you observe.
  3. Now…set it aside…for a few minutes, or days, or forever (this is a bit tricky because feedback should be timely…but we’re talking about unsolicited feedback).
  4. Face the reality that your feedback wasn’t requested. Let that settle your itchy finger set to send the email.
  5. If you still can’t rest, thinking your input has merit, then choose wisely what few points of feedback you especially think would add value and warrant the risk. No more than 3.
  6. Don’t do anything…still.
  7. Consider who may already be at the table giving feedback. If you are not one of those people, can you trust that your concerns are already before them?Photo Credit: Commons Wikimedia
  8. Resist the urge to gossip your feedback if you don’t feel free to give it to those appropriate to receive it.
  9. If you can’t rest, (even while determined to trust other decision-makers and keeping your unsolicited feedback to yourself), then choose one point, one concern. Make sure it is not just style vs. substance. Also confirm that it relates to a process not a person.
  10. Give your feedback to the right person, at the right time, and in the right way. Succintly, positively, and friendly. If it seemed that crucial to you to share what was not requested, it is done. Hopefully, the outcomes will be positive. If not, you took a risk. You did not stay silent. It could make a difference down the road. More importantly than the result is the relationship. That matters most.Photo Credit: Ken Whytock, Flickr

Again, remember, I would appreciate your feedback.

10 Common Mistakes in Giving FeedbackCenter for Creative Leadership (includes excellent infographic)

Don’t Ask for Feedback, Unless You Want It Ron Ashkenas

Before Providing Feedback, Ask This One QuestionLelia Gowland

Giving Feedback to Your Boss – Like a BossThe Muse

Worship Wednesday – Forgiven – Crowder Music

Photo Credit: Crowder Music, YouTube

“Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; breaking up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the LORD, that He may come and rain righteousness upon you.”Hosea 10:12

“You have plowed iniquity; you have reaped injustice; you have eaten the fruit of lies. Because you have trusted in your own way and in the multitude of your warriors.”Hosea 10:13

“So you, by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God.”Hosea 12:6

“You are forgiven.” What a powerful statement…and even more transforming experience! How thankful I am for that forgiveness. Forgiveness from a God who persists in loving us no matter how undeserving we are.

I just finished reading the book of Hosea in the Scripture and marvel at the lessons we have in this prophet’s life and his obedience to God. How strange that God instructed him to marry a woman known for her immorality. God would use Hosea’s love for Gomer as a picture of the Lord’s love for his own wayward people.

Hosea did love Gomer. Even as she continued a destructive and dishonoring lifestyle. Even as she bore children who were not his own. He loved her and forgave her…over and over again.

Forgiveness cost Hosea. He suffered in his love for Gomer. Forgiveness cost God his son…it continues to cost as we, His people, turn to “other lovers”, forgetting the great love we already have in Him. However, God doesn’t forget us. He draws us back to Himself.

Sometimes it is hard for us to to do the same…to forgive those who hurt us…who betray our love. Yet, because we have known God’s forgiveness, we have a way through. We have been forgiven. We can also forgive.

“God can use that forgiving love to melt hardened hearts and change callused lives quicker than anything else in this whole wide world. That is the lesson of Hosea and Gomer, the lesson of forgiveness. God’s love and forgiveness pervade Hosea’s entire prophecy. Please do not misunderstand it. God hates sin; it grieves His heart; He cannot condone it; His perfect righteousness and justice demand that He deal with it. But He still loves sinners and diligently seeks them out and offers them His loving forgiveness.”Richard L. Strauss

“Forgiven”, a worship song written by David Crowder and Ed Cash, reminds us of our part in the crucifixion of Christ. It was for our sin that He gave His life. In the official YouTube video, we see a man and his young son crafting a guitar together. Then the scene shifts to that same man, aging in a prison cell…with pictures of this boy grown into manhood. There is a Bible on his cot. He writes to his son…but his son refuses to read his letters. You must watch the video to see the story to the end.

Maybe what we have done with our lives doesn’t merit a prison sentence. We still desperately need forgiveness. God is ready to receive us and restore us to Himself…in complete forgiveness…as we reckon with and repent of our sin.

Worship with me, please…through this song picturing the love and acceptance we have through the forgiveness of Christ.Photo Credit: PxHere

I’m the one who held the nail
It was cold between my fingertips
I’ve hidden in the garden
I’ve denied You with my very lips

God, I fall down to my knees
with a hammer in my hand
You look at me, arms open

Forgiven, Forgiven
Child, there is freedom
From all of it
Say goodbye to every sin
You are forgiven

I’ve done things I wish I hadn’t done
I’ve seen things I wish I hadn’t seen
Just the thought of Your amazing grace
And I cry, “Jesus, forgive me”

God, I fall down to my knees
With a hammer in my hand
You look at me, arms open

I could’ve been six feet under
I could’ve been lost forever
Yeah, I should be in that fire
But now there’s fire inside of me
Here I am a dead man walking
No grave gonna hold God’s people
All the weight of all our evil
Lifted away, forever free
Who could believe, who could believe?

Forgiven, Forgiven
You love me even when I don’t deserve it
Forgiven, I’m forgiven
Jesus, Your blood makes me innocent
So I will say goodbye to every sin
I am forgiven, I am forgiven*

Praise God for His forgiveness. His call to us is not unlike his call to Hosea. To live in forgiveness a life of forgiveness. If we are honest with ourselves and God, we know the wretched and wandering nature of our own hearts. To withhold forgiveness from those who have sinned against us goes completely contrary to the calling of God. Because we have been so loved and so forgiven, we can also love and forgive in like measure. Not from our own righteousness, but from His.

“Have you offered ‘redemption’ or forgiveness to those in your life who were once under your judgment? Not only does the book of Hosea provide an example of God’s love to a people who have left God behind, but it also shows us what forgiveness and restoration look like in a close relationship. The book of Hosea illustrates that no one is beyond the offer of our forgiveness because no one sits outside God’s offer of forgiveness. Certainly, God brings judgment on those who turn from Him, but Hosea’s powerful act of restoration within his own marriage set the bar high for those of us seeking godliness in our lives.” Chuck Swindoll

*Lyrics to “Forgiven” written by David Crowder and Ed Cash

YouTube Video – Crowder – Official Music Video – Forgiven

YouTube Video – Story Behind the Song “Forgiven”

Soul Crescendo – Forgiven – Carolyn Majoran

Undying Love – the Story of Hosea and Gomer – Richard L. Strauss

Hosea – Chuck Swindoll

Song Devotional – Forgiven by Crowder – Devotional by Lindsay Williams

Worship Wednesday – Forgiveness by Matthew West – Deb Mills Writer

5 Friday Faves – Great Neighbors, Beyond the Guitar Sheet Music, For the People, Rising Tide Startups, and a Different View on MLK50 Conference

Friday! Let’s jump right in…because Friday flew by this week. Here are my favorite finds:

1) Great Neighbors – Rarely does a day go by that I’m not reminded of what excellent neighbors I have. They treat you like a long-lost friend, home for a holiday, just when you show up for a walk with them on an early morning. [Hopefully that’s not just because I don’t walk enough.] They are quick to celebrate, and even quicker to lend a hand or an ear in a crisis or hard situation. Photo Credit: Jim Casey, QuoteHD

One of our neighbors daily walks another neighbor’s dog for him while he is dealing with chemotherapy. Another regularly surprises us with special treats or whimsical gifts.Photo Credit: Rainbow Symphony Store, QTM Windchimes

The day I had surgery (and cancer would be the doctor’s news), a dear neighbor came to with with Dave for the news. Like I said… great neighbors. Do you have some great neighbors? Please use the Comments below to tell some of your stories. It’s no small thing, is it?

2) Beyond the Guitar Sheet Music – It’s been a crazy week for those of us who follow Beyond the Guitar‘s Nathan Mills. Approaching 3 million views and counting on his arrangement of Fortnite Dances on Guitar. This past week, his sheet music is now being sold on Music Notes. I’m sure it will take awhile for all his arrangements to be available, but that’s where you can find it. Check out his latest piece from the video game Monster Hunter World. I still can’t get over the lovely music in the background of video games.Photo Credit: Nathan Mills, YouTube

Music Notes – Beyond the Guitar Sheet Music

YouTube Video – Monster Hunter World – Relaxing Classical Guitar Music (Beyond the Guitar)

Spotify – Beyond the Guitar

3) For the People – I love courtroom drama and For the People is a 2018 ABC series that has exceeded every expectation. It has a great ensemble cast and terrific writing.Photo Credit: KTUL TV

This past week’s episode had to do with mandatory minimum sentencing even for non-violent crimes. When we consider how much we are willing to pay for safety, the law today can overreach to protect that safety. We don’t even seem to mind…until, maybe, we are the ones caught in that overreach. If you aren’t watching this series, just catch this episode. I would love to hear what you think.

For the People – Season 1, Episode 5 Recap

The snippet below is a spoiler. The acting is penetrating. The message has sparked several conversations. I believe TV like this could actually have a much-needed social impact.

4) Rising Tide Startups – My favorite podcast is Kevin Prewett‘s Rising Tide Startups. This week, his guest was criminal attorney turned chocolatier Shawn Askinosie. During the podcast, he talked about his pursuit of a midlife career change. I was fascinated by his determination to go after something meaningful…and what that meant to him. Especially given his prayer for God to just give him something else to do…anything?

Have you ever been in that situation where you know, for your own sake, you need to do something else?

I was captivated by his story and plan to start reading his book this week. You can listen to this podcast here.

Meaningful Work: A Quest to Do Great Business, Find Your Calling, and Feed Your Soul Shawn Askinosie

Askinosie Chocolates

5) A Different View on MLK50 Conference – My Friday Faves of the previous week included the MLK50 Conference.  The messages of this conference racial reconciliation and racial unity were transforming for me, as a middle-class white woman. I am very thankful for it and now follow many of the speakers on Twitter. I want to keep learning. Following #MLK50Conference, I discovered one of the participants in the conference, Darrell B. Harrison. He is an African American and a theologian. He did not agree with all the language/messaging used at the conference. I was actually caught off guard by his take on the conference.

In a related situation, two groups of people in my life cannot agree on a direction. It is heartbreaking for me to watch them go through this. They both have good reasons for their thinking. That is how Harrison’s view has affected my thinking this week. I continue to greatly value the content of the MLK50 Conference.  Now, Darrell Harrison, in his writing and podcasting, has brought another argument to the table. Both sides are riveting and thought-provoking. His podcast on this topic is here. In a way, it is not easy to listen to…especially since I’m still so close to the MLK50 Conference. Just a different, studied, and thought-provoking viewpoint. So grateful to know him now, too. I still have a way to go on the journey toward racial reconciliation…and I want to get there…wherever “there” is.

Photo Credit: iTunes

Jupiter Hammon, 1787, An Address to Negroes in the State of New York

Photo Credit:  Relg250, History Is Now Magazine

These are my Friday Faves…on a Sunday. Hope your weekend was a delight!

Bonuses:

14 Ideas for a Cross-Cultural-Stress-Busting Laugh Break – Emily Jackson

Photos taken at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden

10 “Secrets” to a Long Marriage

Boundaries, routines and early bedtimes: 13 habits that raise well-adjusted kids

Raising Honest Children

Photo Credit: Kathryn Whitt Visneski

Monday Morning Moment – Adam Grant on 3 Traits of the Highly Functional Workplace

Photo Credit: Pixabay

I love Mondays! It’s ripe with possibility…and prospects of new beginnings. The tricky part of the start of any week is not settling into your work station and returning to the “same ol’, same ol'” – whatever that might entail. Even when we are excited, or at least hopeful for what’s next, we can default to usual rhythms and routines. They are familiar and comfortable (at least on the surface). Neuroplasticitythe brain’s ability to restructure itself after training or practice – can be both our enemy AND our friend.

If you love your work and you see how you fit integrally on your team, and you love your team, that is fantastic! Celebrate that every day! For you, I would just love if you could take a minute and comment below. What do you see at work in your situation? What do you do yourself to nurture that workplace experience?

[Even if you love your job, would you be willing to consider how you could help other teammates to have your experience and move to the top of their professional game?]

Adam Grant is one of those guys who loves his work…and shares generously with all his readers and TED Talk and podcast viewers/listeners.Photo Credit: Flickr

WorkLife with Adam Grant: A TED Original Podcast

Adam (he makes it feel comfortable to refer to him by his first name) is an organizational psychologist and professor at Wharton Business School. He’s authored excellent books and is now moving into a new role as pod-caster. He has affirmed much of what I believe about workplace culture and its impact on day-to-day function, employee engagement, and outcomes/product.

Author, entrepreneur Damon Brown interviewed Adam Grant and posted recently on the traits of companies which are the most highly functional. His findings weren’t surprising to me, but I’d like to hear what you think.

Best-Selling Author Adam Grant: The Most Highly Functional Companies Have These 3 TraitsDamon Brown

3 Traits of the Most Highly Functional Companies:

  1. These companies make a high priority of helping their employees discover both their weaknesses and strengths, together with their coworkers. The goals relate to outcomes, sure, but, as part of that, the professional development of each employee, as well as team cohesion and a “best practice” level of collaboration. How refreshing when both department heads and all stake-holders turn a mirror on themselves for the sake of both the individual and the whole. Having this core value could turn a company on its head…in a good way!Photo Credit: Pixabay
  2. Adam Grant has discovered that many high functioning organizations have flexible hierarchies. You might walk into one of these work meetings and not be able to tell who the “big boss” is. Also, when a decision is made, it is not always top-down. Sure, the decision is given authority from the top, but the process clearly demonstrates and validates the employees closest to a decision (and the impact of the decision) to make that decision. Again, please comment below if you work in such an environment. For me, the whole idea of this is so reasonable and wise. By the way, even if your hierarchy is currently rigid, what would it look like, if you began working toward flexibility? What could be your next steps?Photo Credit: Pixabay
  3. Highly functioning organizations use the word “family” in describing themselves. Not in a smarmy, feel good way, but in actual experience of community and belonging and care. We as colleagues can make this happen within a team, whether it is a top-down experience or not. We communicate and demonstrate, in good faith, that we have each other’s back. We show genuine care for each other and don’t allow ambition or personal preference blind us to the needs of the rest of our team. This actually can eventually have a cross-team impact…if we are patient. If you wonder how, just search on-line for Adam Grant – he has both written and spoken volumes on this.

All three of these traits, or patterns, point to a vision that is highly peopled. It is not just driven from the top. Nor is it owned by one work group over another. A shared vision, in the truest sense of its meaning, gives room for all players…with their varying strengths and weaknesses. There is space for leaders and those who prefer to follow (excellent leaders or even those not-so-much), for the persuaders and those willing to consider the persuasion, for the decision-makers and those who want to speak into the decisions. Your over-all vision might be right but engaging all employees in going after that vision makes for highest function (especially for all you efficiency folks out there). Highest function and greatest care for each employee. That is a vision all of us could share or even own.Photo Credit: Flickr

What all this says to me is that people matter. Not just the most brilliant, bombastic, or brand-worthy, but everyone in the organization. Maybe you already work in such a company. if not, you …each of us can move it in the direction of such a company.

After all…it’s Monday. Who knows what could happen by the end of the week?

Best-Selling Author Adam Grant: The Most Highly Functional Companies Have These 3 TraitsDamon Brown

WorkLife with Adam Grant – Podcast – The Problem with All-Stars

Why Our Brains Fall for False Expertise, and How to Stop It – Khalil Smith

Infographic: 1 of These Four Strengths Is Your Superpower – Damon Brown

Self Sacrifice Won’t Get You Ahead. Wise Leaders Do This Instead – Damon Brown