This week we have a special guest in our home. Dave’s mom. I don’t know about your relationship with your mother-in-law. Hopefully it is a good one. If not, I’m genuinely sorry. If there is any chance at all, don’t miss her…you never know what she would bring to your life if invited (back) in.
My mom-in-law prays. Her life has been one of serving others. Now, she is somewhat slowed down, but her devotion to God and others is still very much alive. Some might say hers is a small life…as my own mom’s appeared to be…to outsiders. This is not so for either of them. Where they lacked ambition to be known or powerful, there was/is no lack of love and wisdom. On the things that matter most.
When she comes to visit, we scramble to find the tv programming that she’s used to…encouraging to her. It’s nothing we watch really when she isn’t here, but when she is here, we catch some of the great music, teaching and reporting she listens to regularly.
Here’s an example. Tonight she was watching Kirk Cameron‘s Takeaways. He had two entertainers on his interview docket for this show. Mark Lowery and Zach Williams. I joined her for the Zach Williams’ interview. I’ve written about his music a couple of times. Gritty lyrics, great deep voice. He knows how to connect with his audiences – whether an arena of church folks or a prison cafeteria. He has stories to tell that touch people – a life going one direction with success as a musician, including drugs, fast living, and a marriage unraveling. Then his life turned quite a different direction.
The Takeaways interview isn’t linked yet, but below are two videos of Zach’s story.
We don’t have to keep going down a road leading nowhere good. I have that in my own life story. It’s for another day, but I’m thankful for my sweet mother-in-law who points us to life-giving attention-getters.
Prayer, focus on truth, and sacrificial love are three great gifts she gives us, whether sitting in our family room, or operating out of her own home.
Who or what helps you to shake off the doldrums and points you to a life of greater purpose and joy? Tonight my attention is captured by a a musician’s experience of a God who was never far from him. When Zach Williams was shaken in his tracks and turned his attention…God was there.
Thankful for a praying mom, mom-in-law, and grandmothers who remind us of a way to live that gives hope, joy, and real confidence. Enjoy some of Zach’s music below…and one piece by Brandon Lake about a praying grandma.
Hi All! Friday Faves on a Monday after a busy Friday-Sunday weekend. Go!
1) “Fly Me to the Moon” Finger-style – After Nathan posted his Squid Game medley, he was asked to do a stand-alone “Fly Me to the Moon”. Here it is! The jazzy, up-beat rendition is so fun!
2) Costly Grudges – Is there someone you struggle to like or be in their company? Would you say it’s a grudge, either originating from you or that person? Grudges rupture relationships. They have a negative impact not just on that relationship, but potentially on others as well. Not to mention, their impact on your own health.
“Happy people live longer. Improve your happiness by practicing “epistemic humility,” an intellectual virtue predicated on the idea that one can’t ever know something for sure. It’s meant to help us admit our imperfections and forgive others. Sounds too good to be true in the 2020s? All the more reason to give it a try.”
When we start to feel a grudge brewing, or we make the first strike and cause the rift with another person, the situation is greatly helped by some measure of humility. We don’t know everything about what just happened. In the midst of a quarrel, assessments are feverishly being made and the tendency is that they favor one over the other. If we treat a disagreement with humility, with the understanding that we can’t fully know what is going on with the other person in the argument, then we stand a better chance of some sort of resolution.
Worth the effort…including the perk of adding to one’s longevity.
3) Building Focus – Focus is like muscle; it has to be built through exercise. I struggle with attending issues. To come across some simple tasks to add to life and aid focus is a happy occurrence.
“We can learn to focus better, but we need to think about attention differently. It is not something we can just choose to do. We have to train the brain like a muscle. Specifically, with short bursts of daily exercises.” – Eleanor Morgan
Morgan posts some of the mental exercises that Dr. Jha prescribes, including the 5 tips below:
Pay attention to your breath, and where on your body you feel it most: direct your focus like a beam of light. Do this for three minutes a day, for a week.
Integrate this technique into everyday life – for example, brushing your teeth. If you’re thinking about your to-do list as you’re scrubbing, bring the light back. Focus on the sensations.
A lot of people report that their mind is “too busy.” Your job is not to stop it – your job is to exist with it, and to place your attention back where you want it.
Ignore “mindfulness myths”: you are not “clearing your mind.” This is an active mental workout.
There is no “blissed-out” state you are aiming to experience; in fact, the whole point is to be more present to the moment. – Eleanor Morgan
I love the idea of being present in the moment…rather than the angst of the past or the unknown of the future. Sure, we have to plan, but the present is a much-neglected experience, and it’s really the only one we truly have. Right this very minute.
4) “Don’t Leave Crumbs” – So crumbs aren’t anything we want to leave behind (unless you are the fairy tale pair, Hansel and Gretel. The wildly successful actor and author Matthew McConaughey talked about “crumbs” in a university commencement speech he gave in 2015.
“Don’t leave crumbs,” he says. “What are crumbs? The crumbs I’m talking about are the choices we make that make us have to look over our shoulder in the future….They come in the form of regret, guilt, and remorse – you leave ’em today, they will cause you more stress tomorrow, and they disallow you from creating a customized future in which you do not have to look over your shoulder.” – Matthew McConaughey
Relationally, this reminds me of an adage “Keep your accounts short”. This means that your name is safe on my lips, and that I will make a practice of refusing to think ill of you. Keeping accounts short. Leaving no uncomfortable crumbs behind us in relationships or work/play practices.
In McConaughey’s speech he also gave 5 pieces of wisdom:
Don’t fall into the entitlement trap.
Never say anything is “unbelievable”.
Seek joy, not happiness.
Define success for yourself.
Make decisions you’ll be happy about tomorrow.
He gives more rationale and commentary in the larger speech (linked above). He also used these same points in another talk, incorporating his faith as well. The messages of both seem blended in an artful (10 minute) video. Below.
5) Fall & All – It is my favorite season – Fall or autumn. I just want to close with some images of this brief and beautiful repose between Summer and Winter. It goes so fast and I am savoring it every way possible (except for adding anything pumpkin-flavored to coffee. I just can’t).
For me, Fall ushers in Christmas (American Thanksgiving sitting right in between), so I’m completely ok with the mix of all this beauty.
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That’s the Faves for this week. Thanks so much for stopping by. You encourage me…put your own Faves in the Comments below. Until next time.
We live and work these days in a culture of distraction where focus is a rare commodity.
“The culture of distraction makes your ability to think deeply and creatively constantly threatened. Conceiving ideas and putting them into practice requires time for reflection, and for that you need a personal organization method like GTD: if you are able to create a space where you can think and reflect, you will be able to move forward with more things, with less energy and less time.” – Francisco Sáez
Doing research this morning on focus, I came across the Tweet below:
When you see the adjective "smart" applied to things, as in smart home, smart clothes, smart toys, smart phone — substitute the term "hackable." They always come together.
While you’re waiting for the book to arrive, Treseder has also written a rapid read on focus where he outlines The Two Things Killing Your Ability to Focus. Those two killers are screen distractions (smart phones/tablets) and meetings.
He offers 5 easily executable ways out of our mental chaos and into focus. They are listed below but don’t miss his commentary on each here.
Practice mindfulness.
Organize tasks.
Clean up.
Shrink meetings.
Preserve buffers.
I am personally very easily distracted. To make these few adjustments is worth getting my focus back. Thoughts?
Oh…last thing: Treseder also wrote a thought-provoking piece on How to Develop a Mission Mentality. This takes the issue of focus to a much more “big picture” place. When we have set the “why” and “who” of our daily focus, we are compelled to stay at the task and bring others with us. That is mission mentality.
Monday’s are exceptional days of the week. You may enter it with one focus or resolve and then discover a golden nugget that takes you a very different direction. It happened to me this morning.
My temptation was to vent frustration over a situation where leadership leans toward being restrictive, exclusive, and narrow in focus. Aren’t you glad I am not writing about that today?!
[I’ve written previously about negativity and how to turn it around – here, here, and here. No matter how consequential the issue, criticism won’t get us where we want to go.]
As I pondered how to address the topic in a positive, redemptive way, I came across a wise friend’s Facebook post that pointed me to an edited video of a talk given by author and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown.
She was addressing an audience of young “creatives”. She encouraged them to “show up and be seen”, but in so doing, there is a consequence. We will, at times, get our behinds busted, so to speak.
She referenced a riveting speech that President Theodore Roosevelt gave in 1910, shortly after he left office. I do not remember ever hearing this speech until today. Below is the excerpt that Brown quoted:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt
I was deeply humbled by the wisdom of that speech.
Our leaders all have their own arenas. You have yours. I have mine. It is not my desire to exit the place where I am called to serve, to create, to fight battles meant for me…just to become a critical or negative spectator in another’s arena.
There are times when our battle is made harder by another…by one who could alter our circumstance, who could provide assistance, who could hear our cry for help…and doesn’t heed. It happens.
Yet…it doesn’t take away the cause I’m meant to hold dear…and the one for which I am to fight. It certainly doesn’t warrant me leaving my battle to judge his or hers.
Brené Brown gave a strong warning to both the unengaged leader and the critical employee:
“If you’re in the cheap seats, not putting yourself on the line, and just talking about how I could do it better, I’m in no way interested in your feedback.” – Brené Brown
Scorching, right?
This Monday my thinking and life direction went a different way than at first it was headed. Are there times when we speak to leaders, imploring them to consider another way? Of course…but never so much that we take our eyes off our own work…our own arena.
Happy Friday! Hope this week was kind to you. Here are my 5 most favorite finds of the week for you.
1)St. Patrick’s Day – Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit!Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Wearing green. Corned beef and cabbage…and my family background is Scottish. Still love celebrating this day a bit. Photo Credit: Flickr
Also planning to watch the David Kidd documentary Patrick. A friend who heard David Kidd speak recently shared the following with me via email this morning – notes from his talk on the real Patrick (legends removed):
He was born in 396 AD and died in 471 AD.
Patrick was a man brought up on a Romano British Christian home somewhere in southwest Britain (his father was a deacon and grandfather a priest).
He was kidnapped at 16 (he said he didn’t really know God at that time), trafficked, and taken to the West Coast of Ireland where he worked as a shepherd and learned Irish.
As a slave, Patrick came to see the hand of God in his troubles. God broke through his defenses, and Patrick faced his unbelief and pride. Later he described how he turned to God whom he realized had been watching over him all the time. He became aware of God’s protection, and he discovered that God loved him as a father loves his son.
Before this, he had ‘sinned’ – something that ‘lasted an hour’ and he believed that God punished him.
God spoke to him in a dream about a ship to take him home. At 22, he managed to escape slavery.
At home, he had another dream of the people in Ireland calling him back.
He was obedient to the Spirit and went back to West Ireland (the ends of the earth at that time).
He was beaten, harassed by thieves and robbers, admonished by his British superiors, but his work grew and he remained humble.
He protested against injustice, esteemed women highly, and identified himself as Irish.
His legacy was a vibrant Christianity which lasted hundreds of years while Britain and Europe fell into the Dark Ages.
What we can do to honor Patrick’s memory?
The Past: Remember a humble man who had been mistreated, heard from God, obeyed, loved his enemies, lived his life for Jesus, and made a significant difference – not just in Ireland, but much of Europe.
The Present: Use Patrick’s life to help people focus on what really matters.
The Future: Be as faithful as Patrick and live for Jesus and His Kingdom – making a difference in this world with fruit that lasts.
2) Beauty and the Beast Guitar Arrangement – Yesterday the live action Disney film Beauty and the Beast debuted in the US. Articles abound about the production – its beauty and grand scenes. Other articles raise the question of whether it is as family-friendly as the Disney animated classic by the same name. Everyone will have to decide for themselves about whether to watch this film and how often. One very easy decision would be watching the just-released classical guitar arrangement by Nathan Mills (Beyond the Guitar).
It is beautiful, even with less-grand scenes, and its own Belle and wee beast. It is definitely family-friendly and the music is lovely. Enjoy!
3) Tenacity – First Round posted the fascinating story – Lessons in Tenacity – of how entrepreneur Dennis Crowley, co-founder of Foursquare, built his business. He saw tenacity at work in the growing and thriving of his location technology company.
Tenacity is that characteristic in a person or group that keeps her/them moving forward – persistence, resolve, determination.Photo Credit: Pixabay
Read the article for examples Crowley gives, and here’s his illuminating summary:
Tenacity has many manifestations for founders and their startups. At the beginning, it’s often deeply tied to identity. Giving up one’s idea feels like giving up on oneself. After hitting early milestones, tenacity is confidence. But it’s best tempered with humility, so as to avoid flying too high on early wins. As a company scales, tenacity is focus. There will be accompanying growing pains as customers sign up, headcount grows and the market responds. Anchor and orient yourself by asking: what is this supposed to be when it grows up? When the going gets tough, tenacity is grit. Don’t look externally to others to build what you need — you’ll be waiting longer than you want. Do it yourself. Lastly, tenacity is culture and a private truth. Tenacity at scale will both involve and elude people. What guides the team isn’t always accurately reflected in the public’s perception. An informed, committed team around you is the best way to drown out the noise and to march toward achieving your biggest goals.
“These different facets of tenacity are important insofar as invoking them keeps your legs moving and charging forward. Growing a company is an impossibly hard endeavor — many wouldn’t start if they knew just how difficult it is,” Crowley says. “But the early stories of most successful companies are often those in which no one thought it could be done. In fact, if you asked them, those founders probably didn’t know if they could do it either. But if you can get there — if you stick to what you set out to do — it can put you in an amazingly powerful and defensible position.”
4) Manliness – We should affirm, empower, and let loose women to fulfill their callings, giftings, and places in the world. Not being sexist, the same is true for men, of course. That’s why I appreciate the website/podcast the Art of Manliness. The Art of Manliness aims to encourage our readers to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens — a new generation of great men (the About page).
I don’t go with everything on this website but some of the content is fascinating and extremely helpful. I hope never to have to jump from a speeding car but knowing it’s possible to walk away from such a situation made me interested in reading about it.
This information isn’t just for men, but some of the entries are male-specific. We women write volumes about how to be “better women”. I’m glad there are men (and women) are writing for men in this way.
5) Embracing the Life You Have – We have all experienced losses. We grieve…and grieve again. As time goes by, the grief changes, but that doesn’t mean it has to change us. At least not in an unhealthy way. John Piper speaks about this so eloquently and tenderly:
I have in mind two kinds of losses: those who had something precious and lost it, and those who hoped for something precious and never had it. It works both ways. Sixty years go by, and forty years on you think, “I’ve come to terms with that,” and then one morning it breaks over you, and you weep about a 40-year old loss, or a 40-year “never have,” and my counsel is, yes, go ahead, embrace that moment. Weep.
But then, say to your weeping after a season, “No. You will not define me, sorrow, because my God has said, ‘No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly’ (Psalm 84:11). Therefore, even though it was good in one sense, and I miss it in one sense, I trust my God, and he has not withheld anything that is good for me.” Yes, let there be weeping in those seasons — feel the losses. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life he’s given you. – John Piper
As one who struggles with waves of grief out of nowhere…thank you, Dr. Piper.
Principal Financial Group has been running a series of commercials with the theme Life Doesn’t Always Go According to Plan. Three of their commercials follow. Sweet messaging…
Be gentle with yourself and each other. Serve somebody, and be safe out there. [Oh, and please share in Comments your favorites of the week. Thanks!]
Bonuses
Who are the Refugees? Which are their Host Countries? Take a Guess.
You know that shocking experience when you are driving to a known destination and then get lost in your thoughts? At some point, you snap back to attention and wonder, “How did I get here, I wasn’t even thinking about it?!” That is neuroplasticity or brain plasticity. It is an amazing capability we all have and can be nurtured and utilized throughout our lives. Yes, “old dogs CAN learn new tricks“.
Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to restructure itself after training or practice. An example of how neuroplasticity works: when you view the brains of people who frequently practice playing the violin under fMRI (functional MRI) they appear to have developed a larger area of their brain devoted to mapping their fingers. Photo Credit: Wikipedia
This change is directly related to the quantity and the quality of the practice they’re performing – their brains are adapting in very real and tangible ways unbeknownst to them... The more practice you accumulate, the more ingrained or grooved the pathways become. Of course the inverse happens as well: if those pathways aren’t utilized, the space will be used by other pathways needing room to grow. Use it or lose it! …Your brain can change based on repeated experience…People of any age have the ability to learn new things and form new habits. – Mike Torres, Refocuser
Watching Nathan play intricate, complicated runs on his classical guitar boggles my mind. How can he think that fast? It’s lots of practice that causes the brain to connect to the hands, and those difficult pieces get “under his fingers” almost without thinking.
Years ago a friend gave us this book Never Too Late by John Holt. In his “musical life story”, Holt describes how he learned to play the cello in his 40s. We were encouraged by this during a time we moved to Egypt and learned Arabic in mid-life…when language-learning is supposed to be especially difficult.
I love neuroplasticity but it gives me hope, in getting older, of keeping skills and developing new ones, even as an aging person…unless I give in to dumbed-down practices excusing myself for the same reasons of “getting too old”.
When my older brother suffered a stroke, it was neuroplasticity and the repeated efforts of his medical and therapy team that got him back on his feet. He finally “repeatedly practiced” his way back to independence. The personality changes seemed more ingrained, however, they changed, too, as he exchanged his anger and bitterness for a hopefulness and longing for healthy, loving relationships. As he refused to give into anger and chose soft responses, his personality seriously changed over time…with conscious that eventually turned unconscious practice.
How does all this apply to us in the workplace and life, in general? We are confronted at times with a situation that confounds us – a new uncomfortable skillset, an unpredictable relationship, or an unfamiliar decision-making process. Neuroplasticity helps us to not just give up on mastering either a new work process or a complicated interpersonal situation.
Debbie Hampton has written an excellent summary piece on this that will help kick-start any new habit formation necessary for us to continue to do excellently in our work. She was influenced by Dr. Michael Merzenich’s work published in his book Soft-Wired: How the New Science of Brain Plasticity Can Change Your Life. I have listed below Merzenich’s 10 elements of how we can rewire our brain. You will find Hampton’s summary on each very instructive. [I comment briefly on each but don’t miss what she says in her article.]
10 Core Principles for Remodeling Your Brain
1. Change is mostly limited to those situations in which the brain is in the mood for it. We have to want to learn and change. If we give up, stay resigned to the status quo, or remain fed-up, change will not happen. Want change!
2. The harder you try, the more you’re motivated, the more alert you are, and the better (or worse) the potential outcome, the bigger the brain change. Focus and persistence or key to mastery.
3. What actually changes in the brain are the strengths of the connections of neurons that are engaged together, moment by moment, in time. Practice strengthens pathways for behavior. Whether it’s learning a new computer system or developing a different way of communicating with a boss…practice hard-wires.
4. Learning-driven changes in connections increase cell-to cell cooperation, which is crucial for increasing reliability. I see this in musicians who live-stream and can read listener chats, respond to them, and continue playing all at the same time. Crazy.
5. The brain also strengthens its connections between teams of neurons representing separate moments of successive things that reliably occur in serial time. This is definitely the mechanism that gets us to our destination when we stop thinking about where we’re going.
6. Initial changes are temporary. Habit formation takes time, and somehow the brain interprets whether the change is vital. Amazing.
7. The brain is changed by internal mental rehearsal in the same ways and involving precisely the same processes that control changes achieved through interactions with the external world. At the simplest level, this is the mechanism of how we “talk ourselves through” a situation. Or when an athlete goes through his routine in his mind before he’s back out on the track or in the pool.
8. Memory guides and controls most learning. Our brain actually helps us to remember what we did well and discards what we didn’t.
9. Every movement of learning provides a moment of opportunity for the brain to stabilize — and reduce the disruptive power of — potentially interfering backgrounds or “noise.” The more we practice, either a physical skill or a way of thinking through a problem, we actually get better at it because somehow the brain reduces the background noise (which can include insecurity, fear of failure or self-doubt).
10. Brain plasticity is a two-way street; it is just as easy to generate negative changes as it is positive ones. Dr. Merzenich warns us, as we get older that we “use it or lose it” by our own decisions to stop learning and mastering new skills and behaviors.
How are you using neuroplasticity to help you continue to grow in your work and personal life? Trevor Blake encourages us to set the tone of the day positively and don’t defect from that. Using self-defeating language can blur our focus and mental capacity for mastery. Read more of his excellent counsel here.
As we age, or give in to “what is” at the moment (tracks greased by depression sometimes, or perceived lack of ability or opportunity), we may not realize the great positive effects of neuroplasticity. However, the good news is that we can keep learning and changing and mastering what work and life and relationships bring our way. It’s never too late.
Life happens. Whatever our hopes, goals or dreams, we go after them in real time and regular life. The challenge is to not lose sight of them in the course of working your day-job, whatever that might be. Jon Acuff’s book Do Over came out at a very timely place of transition in my life. The recurring theme of his book was to do what it takes to get where you hope to go – not finding yourself at the end of your career realizing you just clocked in and out of “someone else’s job”…for decades. The daily of our lives can snuff out or overshadow where we knew in our hearts we wanted to go…in work, relationships, and vision. Mark that and take positive steps through it.
I’ve read ever so much more about goal-setting than I’ve actually used. In thinking of goals and action plans, I can actually feel an eye twitch coming on…and all I want to do is eat junk food and check Facebook. Alas…goal-setting is a challenge…but a worthy one.
Roadmaps are helpful for me. Not only with finding the destination but also with marking progress, checking for more scenic routes, noting markers which teach us stuff, and pointing to rest stops.
After reading the articles linked below, a roadmap for decision-making has emerged that makes sense to me…and hopefully will be helpful to you. We need goals or we are never fixed on a mark toward which we launch our best efforts. The key, however, is not just in deriving the goal but, setting a course that aligns with our relationships and responsibilities. That way, when setbacks come, they don’t put us off-course. We just deal…and get back on course.
So here we go:
10 Sure Turns Toward Achieving Our Goals
Listen to the Longing – As we get older, our goals change in life. Still at a heart level, we have longings for a life of deep purpose and genuine achievement. Those longings may be as unique as we all are as people. We are never too old or our lives too far-spent to tune into that longing. It’s never too late.
Tell Those Closest to You – Don’t keep to yourself what you would love to pursue. Tell those who care for you so much that they will pour into your vision and your goals. Fear of failure or disappointment won’t diminish your hopes if others share them with you…because they love you and believe in you.
Set Goals and Then Revisit Them With “Why’s?” – This is actually some of the hardest work of moving forward and stymies some of the best of us. Serge Popovic breaks this down in a helpful way by looking at the systems (or commitments) that help us get to goal. The goal is our destination but we daily make decisions and take action toward that goal. These rhythms are part of the discipline of achieving our goals. They also inform our direction as we revisit our goals and ask the necessary “why’s”.Photo Credit: Dreams Procrastinated
Consider the Costs and Work Them into Your Plan – In setting course to meet life goals, there are givens we must consider. Taking care of our family is an obvious one. Managing our time around other responsibilities. Not missing our children as we strive toward that goal that can stretch years ahead. The costs don’t have to alter our course, but we must reckon with them.
Organize Your Life – Why is this important? Organization can have a huge impact on recouping the costs (in #4) and in freeing us up to potentially getting to goal faster. Do be careful what you organize OUT of your life…especially relationships. Make wise decisions here… It’s one thing to get rid of stuff or downsize time-wasters, and another thing to neglect relationships.Photo Credit: Paul Sohn
Choose and Develop Your Team and Expand Your Network – Speaking of relationships, this is one of those circles that can pay huge dividends for all involved. Rarely do we make goals that don’t include the investment of others. Think through the people you know and who of those would be a great support to your future. They could be idea-generators, mentors, investors, content experts…and some could be family who mostly cheer you on and pray for you in the battles.
Take Action or Execute Your Plan – What? Taking action is point 7 on a 10-point roadmap?! We have clearly taken action in multiple ways already, but those preparatory functions have set the stage for a strong start to execution. Even through Steps 1-6, we may have already re-framed what the plan looks like. Being proactive before we set the plan in motion greases the tracks for achievement. The action plan will be revisited often…which actually makes it less stressful for me to develop. Melanie Curtin even writes about journaling our goals and action plans, giving us a daily view of progress.
Deal With the Drag of the Past – This is a preemptive strike against those emotions that form barriers to reaching our goals. That dull sense of foreboding, the failures of the past, the gnawing insecurity, the temptation to blame…. None of these keep us from reaching our goals, unless we empower them to do so. Lighten the load by cutting the ropes on the past. One caveat: the “drag of the past” doesn’t include wisdom we’ve gained – Remember that part of the past always.
Allow for Respites and Setbacks – Again, life happens. I have had to sideline some goals in recent months because of health and family issues. They are not gone from my mind or my habits…but they are sidelined for the moment for real life things of more urgent need. However…these kinds of things can become normative if we aren’t careful. You don’t want to lose momentum …keep moving toward your goal if at all possible…even if it’s ever so slowly. At some point, sooner than later, revisit and reset goals…and rest when that’s the greatest need.Photo Credit: Bloom to Fit
Celebrate and Express Thanks All Along the Way – no explanation needed here. This isn’t just for the finish line but for every step along the way. For every barrier that we turned into a door. For every problem we forged into an opportunity. For every God-orchestrated appointment and “per chance” meeting. Celebrate. Show gratitude. Widen the circle – your achievement is enjoyed by many!Photo Credit: Morning Business Chat
Hopefully, you found this helpful. The resources below informed this piece and are all rapid reads if you want to go deeper in a direction. I hope your main-takeaway is that you can achieve and starting today is not too late…starting is the point. You’ve got this!
We moved from East Tennessee when our children were still small. Taking a job abroad, we were excited at all the possibilities of living in a different culture. Still we wanted to be wise in living as expats – in a country where neither we nor our children understood the subtle signs of threat, unrest or possibly even danger. We wanted our children to be prepared for the unexpected but not afraid. Living quietly and confidently aware of our surroundings can have a strong positive influence on engaging a new culture, and even our home culture.
Situational awareness is a discipline of being tuned into your surroundings in such a way that you can be alert to a threat or crisis before it actually happens. It is not complicated but does take practice and discipline. Brett and Kate McKay blog extensively on this and define it as:
“a skill that can and should be developed for reasons outside of personal defense and safety. Situational awareness is really just another word for mindfulness, and developing mine has made me more cognizant of what’s going on around me and more present in my daily activities, which in turn has helped me make better decisions in all aspects of my life.”
It’s not to instill fear (especially in teaching our children) but rather it can actually create calm and confidence. Where we want to be, in assessing our surroundings, is in a “yellow zone”, and we want that for our children as well – alert and calm, as a normal life pattern.Photo Credit: Domestic Preparedness
The links below are extremely helpful in terms of learning situational awareness and applying it to child safety, personal protection, and, in general, responding to a threatening situation.Photo Credit: Slideshare
In The Tao of Boyd – How to Master the OODA Loop, another blog by the McKay’s, they talk about military strategist John Boyd’s OODA Loop – Observe, Orient, Decide, Act. This can be used in dealing with uncertainty in any situation – whether a personal threat or a business transaction. I just wanted to mention it here as a rapid process we go through in situational awareness when we train ourselves to respond proactively, rather than in a panic.
In the first McKay blog on situational awareness, they encourage parents to teach it to children as a game. You don’t even have to raise the issues of safety or security. It just becomes a game of being “in the moment”, observing your surroundings (while taking a trip across town, or eating in a restaurant, or playing in a park). When you alert your kids that the game is on, they know that, as part of that experience, to be especially observant. Then you ask questions later: “Can you describe the people sitting next to us in the restaurant?” or “How would you describe the adults closest to us in the park?” or “What do you remember about the people around us in the subway?” “What did we do to safely cross that huge street?” It doesn’t have to be a scary thing for children to learn to be more observant…instead of being zoned out or into their electronics or playing with your phone.
The same is true, of course, for us adults. The discipline part of situational awareness is practicing it often enough that it becomes a part of your every day life. In the old days, before smart phones, I was a people watcher…just taking in the people around me (in a “fascinated by them”, not “stalking” sort of way as we think today).
Too often, people tend to guard their own privacy, by looking down or not making eye contact some other way. We don’t survey where we are and who surrounds us, like we might should. Not because there is evil everywhere…that would be weird to think like that…but as a discipline…for our sake and for those around us.
There may be a time we can actually avoid or possibly defuse a situation, if we are focused. After the 9/11 bombings, and until situational awareness became “a thing” in my life, I would tend to kind of stay in a bubble around strangers…like on a subway or bus, or walking on a crowded street. One of the practices in situational awareness is to train your peripheral vision. It’s amazing what you can note if you learn to widen your view. [Use the image below to give it a try.]Photo Credit: Modern Survival Blog
Today, I just wanted to introduce situational awareness. In a world that seems to be more and more violent, with stranger-on-stranger attacks, we may be vulnerable without even knowing it. Rather than being victims, there are steps we can take to become more aware and savvy. This can work toward our own safety and that of our family, but it can also be a means to help others more vulnerable than we are.
[Sidebar: Please don’t hear me say we need to be super-vigilant, like there is a bad guy coming through every door. Situational awareness is a discipline that we can use in many positive ways – both socially and in the workplace. It’s a skill in our toolbox.]
I am reminded of times, both overseas and here in the States, when a local friend or stranger stepped in and moved us to a safer place, or intervened when I didn’t know what to do in a new situation. Soon, I want to write again about this and will post some of our stories. Nothing really dramatic, thankfully, but definitely remarkable for us in negotiating new cities and situations. It would be wonderful if you shared some of your stories where you were situationally aware…or where it might have been helpful. Please comment below.
Check out the links. Very practical. Be safe out there…and help make it safer for those around you.
Habits. Daily routine. These are things we wrestle with. Fortunately the more we wrestle and stay on them, the more successful we are, and (hurrah!), the more our lives are positively affected. Ben Slater has posted a very doable routine in his piece 5 Simple Daily Habits That Lead to Ultimate Success. They are:
Wake up early. Slater is not talking waking up early enough to just get to work on time. He’s talking 5ish. To wake up that early requires going to bed early…not just napping on the couch (guilty), but habitually, getting to bed early to get up early. This is determined by how much sleep you need…whether you’re a morning person or night person, that amount of time is pretty much set. “Sleeping in” – that weekend luxury – can derive negative gains. Is it worth it? Just asking the question he raises.Photo Credit: The Female Network
Exercise regularly. OK, so nothing new, right? This is not about staying in shape, physique-wise. That could be a benefit of exercise, but the goal is to sweat! We know the great benefits to regular exercise, many of which are mental. Feeling happier is one. It’s making exercise a habit that’s key here – for all its physical, mental, emotional, and even vocational benefits.Photo Credit: Beamery
Focus, don’t multitask. I have actually prided myself for years on the ability to multitask. No more. It’s possible it wreaked havoc on my memory and probably on the quality of my work and relationships. Slater talks about the importance of a daily routine of planning, execution, review and starting a plan for the next day. “Work out the 3-5 things that you need to accomplish over the course of the day and focus on them first.” Focus is key. I’m learning.Photo Credit: Massolutions
Learn from mistakes. When our day doesn’t go quite how we hoped, we too often default to blaming (too many meetings, interruptions, demanding bosses, time-wasters and trust-busters). We make mistakes in our decision-making and assessments; what’s important is that we deal with them humbly and proactively. Refuse to blame others. Learn from the mistake and move on. Sidebar: If it’s someone else’s mistake or poor judgment or questionable character, then learn from their mistakes as well. Don’t get muddled up, fuming about another, when your own life is at stake. You have it in you to control that.Photo Credit: UltrapreneurSayings
Make personal investments. What habits have you put in place to continue to grow and develop? Habits, not just hopes or goals set somewhere in the distant future. Slater observes: “The world’s most successful people are always prepared to invest time and resources in their own personal development. If you stripped someone like Bill Gates of his assets and dumped him on the street I’d be willing to bet he’d be ok – he’s constantly invested in himself and built up huge reserves of human capital, major companies would be falling over themselves to offer him a job.” This is where weekly goals come in, and maybe a mentor…someone you trust who will help you stay accountable to your goals. Don’t miss this valuable habit…I definitely need more discipline in this area.Photo Credit: SalesTrainingSolutions
I’ve written a lot in Monday Morning Moments about habit formation (see links below). There are so many great resources online about this important professional life skill. Slater’s article on these 5 simple daily habits reminded me again of how possible it is to know success/effectiveness if we do the work of putting these habits into our daily routine. I’m on it…once again. [Like with New Year’s Resolutions, we may not be successful over the long-haul with every one, but we move closer to goal every time we push in that direction.]
What are habits you have seen make a difference in your personal and professional day-to-day life? What habits would you like to make part of your daily routine? Please share in Comments.
“Pick a lane”. That phrase comes to mind literally when dealing with another driver on the highway who weaves back and forth, for whatever reasons. We get agitated at him, don’t trust her movements, and want to get as clear from them as possible.
In our careers, picking a lane is hugely important. There probably won’t be the same negative emotions (as above) about someone who is all over the place, but we are wise to set a straight course. Sometimes, especially across a lifetime, we have to re-set our course. The key is to do the work of that reset – pick a lane again. Being a generalist, a “jack-of-all-trades”, can make us quite useful to our employers, but there is no distinction in that. I’m not talking about significance here. I’m talking about what makes us the “go-to person”, that person whose passion, determination, and honed skill gives her voice in an organization…where she can make a difference. It’s something to consider…
Here’s a quick story of an incredibly successful young man who “picked a lane”. I did not know the person Lin-Manuel Miranda until a funny video crossed my Facebook newsfeed just a few days ago. The video was Broadway Carpool Karaoke and Miranda was one of the performers in it. The video was produced to usher in the 2016 Tony Awards ceremony. Photo Credit: Broadway
Miranda is a playwright, composer, and actor. He already won a Tony for the musical In The Heights, and now has won several Tony awards for his current Broadway show Hamilton. Photo Credit: Joan Marcus, The Tennessean
Hamilton was birthed while Miranda, then in his 20’s, was on vacation in Mexico and picked up Ron Chernow’s Alexander Hamilton. He was enthralled by the story of Hamilton’s life and was amazed the story wasn’t already written as a musical. [Hopefully you non-theater folks are still with me. This is such an incredible story.]
Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote/composed the musical Hamilton, and from what I’ve seen of it, it is mesmerizing. So what goes into such a young man’s pursuit of such all-encompassing excellence in his craft?
Charlie Rose of CBS’ 60 Minutes interviewed Miranda about his life and Hamilton’s. [The full transcript is here.] Lin-Manuel Miranda – this playwright, composer, lyricist, and actor – talked about how he got to where he is today.
At five, Miranda tested into Hunter College Elementary, a school for highly gifted children, where he told us sometimes, he felt like he did not belong.
Lin-Manuel Miranda: You know, I went to a school where everyone was smarter than me. And I’m not blowin’ smoke, I was surrounded by genius, genius kids. What’s interesting about growing up in a culture like that is you go, “All right, I gotta figure out what my thing is. Because I’m not smarter than these kids. I’m not funnier than half of them, so I better figure out what it is I wanna do and work really hard at that because intellectually I’m treading water to, to be here.”
Charlie Rose: So why do you think I’m sitting here talking to you and not sitting here talking to one of your classmates?
Lin-Manuel Miranda: ‘Cause I picked a lane and I started running ahead of everybody else. So I, that’s the honest answer. It was like, I was like, “All right THIS.”
Miranda laid out very simply what framed his life of distinction: “I picked a lane.” We all do that across our careers, to some degree or another. Early in my professional life, I chose to carve out a niche in the care and counsel of cancer patients and their families. That was the focus and direction of my life for almost 20 years. Then, married with children, I would pick a very different lane – focusing on that little circle and those we shared life with in our community.
When we lived overseas for another almost 20 years, my lane was a merging of family, cross-cultural living, teaching English, and serving women (local and expat.) and their families. I loved those days of constant traffic in and out of our home. I miss those days. It’s quite possible, however, that those years marked a season where I was weaving in and out of traffic. You might need to ask my husband and children about that.
Now we’ve been back in the US for sometime. Picking a lane became a huge need for me as clearly my moorings of cherished overseas life were gone and I was a bit adrift. When the opportunity to came to test my skills as a communications strategist for a new and innovative work team, I jumped at it. That was a great time of learning and growing and a thrilling adventure which fueled a deep passion of mine. Alas, short-lived though. It only lasted a couple of years and that work went the way of an organizational down-sizing.
What followed has been a protracted season of being “a warm body” and “filling a hole/need” in whatever came along in life and community. Don’t hear me deny the importance of such serving, because there are times when helping in this way is exactly the right thing to do. Still, it’s not how we are meant to frame our lives over the long-haul.
A few months ago, I wrote a series of blogs on Jon Acuff’s book Do Over. He writes in such a liberating way about, essentially, picking a lane. His book is a “how-to” in getting back your life and getting on with it.
Picking a lane isn’t about just operating out of your strengths, abhorring any task or process that doesn’t show off your abilities. Picking a lane is about honing your craft, building your expertise, showing up in your giftings. It’s not about being a knower but being an insatiable life-long learner.
If the job you loved is gone or forever altered, pick another lane.
Don’t allow your current work/life situation reduce you to something other….to someone you are not and never were. Don’t let age, opportunity, personality squash your passion. We do not have to be side-lined (or defined) by getting older, being an introvert (just for instance), having a hard boss or a confusing work situation. Since this recent cancer diagnosis, I have more clarity, hope, and optimism about finishing strong… Hearing Lin-Manual Miranda’s story has heightened my resolve all the more.
Lin-Manuel Miranda: Here’s the thing about Hamilton. I think Hamilton was ready to die from the time he was 14 years old. I think what he has is what I have, which is that thing of, “Tomorrow’s not promised. I gotta get as much done as I can.”
Charlie Rose: It’s not only good acting. It’s not only good music. People are saying it’s transformative.
Lin-Manuel Miranda: It’s certainly changed my life. But I think it’s because when great people cross our path, and I’m talking about Hamilton here, it forces us to reckon with what we’re doing with our lives, you know? At my age, Hamilton was treasury secretary and creating our financial system from scratch.
Charlie Rose: And building a country?
Lin-Manuel Miranda: Yeah. I wrote two plays.*
Picking a lane…that’s what I’m doing. More to come…down the pike.
