It must be a burden being right all the time…or maybe not. That sense of authority on what’s right clears the room of two important qualities – curiosity and humility.
My husband and I have a running joke about being right. He will make a statement about something which I may not agree with in that moment. Then as we talk, I realize he’s right. Then he will say, “I could be wrong, but I’m not very often”.
Now you may take offense at that, but if you know my husband, he is not arrogant and he is a life-long learner. Curiosity and humility are very much a part of his character.
If we’re honest, what he says in jest is what we often believe about our own thinking. Whether we voice it or not, it’s there. We believe we are right…which could mean she/he/they are wrong.
This is a huge political season in the US. The Presidential election is days away. Everyone has an opinion. Everything thinks they are right. Dialog and reasoning together are as rare as truth. Did I just say that?
I wish we could talk. Speak unfiltered from our hearts. Genuinely consider the future of our children and grandchildren. Vote our consciences. It may not always be possible. However…do we just draw away from each other and close ranks with those who agree with us? Or maybe we aren’t sure who they are, who even agrees with us after all…
“You can be right and you can be left” – another family saying to which I’ll add (as Pepper Sweeney said above) “but you can only be together when you meet in the middle”.
I recently met up with a dear friend who had on a political t-shirt. She is one of the loveliest persons you would ever want to know. The t-shirt had some messaging (I’m not going to get it completely right) which communicated about one political party bringing us altogether – uniting us all, no matter who we were. In the design, there were hands holding signs high with all sorts of causes, identities, and alliances. As we talked, I kept studying the t-shirt design and realized I wasn’t represented amongst the “all togethers”.
It got me thinking again about how we all are sure we’re right – About a lot of things. About the candidates, the government, the future, the people who make up America. Politics has gotten to be such a game of deceit – who can make us believe them the most; who can tell the best stories and get us off our couches to vote for them? I would love to have a gathering, at church or with friends or family, to really sort out what are our better choices given what we have to work with. Is it even possible to own our struggle? Or wonder if we’re right or wrong? A better conversation may be to determine what is right thinking post-election, no matter who wins. What is our right response and best path forward?
So much blaming, polarizing, scapegoating, victimizing or playing the victim on the news and in social media right now. I’d love to have an opportunity to dialog in a forum where we agree we may not be right – we may not know everything we need to know – but we want to do right by each other. Would that be possible? Ever? Comment below if you have known that sort of experience in recent years.
Well…just wondering aloud this morning. I’m still hopeful. In fact, even I think I’m right most of the time. Don’t we all?! However, I’m willing to learn and especially to learn to do right, whether I am right all the time or not. We can’t be right if we don’t do right. Am I right? Here’s to more humility and more curiosity! And if you’re thinking it’s your candidate who’s right, is it possible you could be wrong? Or for sure, not right all the time…on this matter, I am in a quandary myself. Peace.
What just happened? When you read the title “What If You’re Wrong”, was there a reaction in mind or body? If I had written “What If I’m Wrong”, it would have been far less provocative, right? Clearly, it’s possible for me to be wrong on many things. Not just possible but actual. I am most probably wrong on a number of things, either out of ignorance, preference, a lack of understanding, or neglect of the truth.
Is there a way we can talk about the stuff that matters to us with people who care about very different sorts of things? People who strongly disagree. People who are sure they are right, when we are also sure that we are…and they are wrong.
Below you’ll find an old video of a Richard Dawkins lecture at a Virginia university. He took questions from the floor, and one very brave, if not naive, student asked him “What if you’re wrong?” His answer, or non-answer but more repartee, was clearly one he had fashioned for just that question. Have a listen.
The lecture must have had to do with the existence of God, and Dr. Dawkins, though once a “Christian” is now an atheist. His response to the student was condescending, dismissive, and unkind. Oddly, his reasoning fell along the same lines as a 16y/o Muslim student in my World Religions class in Morocco. My student surmised that people followed the religion of their parents. Yet, here, Dr. Dawkins disproved what he said himself by leaving the Christian faith for atheism. In the video, maybe he considered disrespectful the student asking the question, therefore, he responded with mirrored disrespect. Who knows?
This is what I’m wanting to know. Can people engage each other with curiosity, care, and consideration (hope you don’t mind alliteration)…when they are at opposite ends of a worldview or belief system?
The key is those 3 c-words above. If I truly want to understand the position of another person, hopefully that can be communicated in such a way that engenders an openness. If that person knows I truly care about him/her, maybe they would be willing to trust me with such a conversation. If they knew my desire is to take into consideration how they came to their conclusions, maybe they would risk digging down into their reasoning. No judgment. On either side.
That would be amazing.
Writer, creator Adam Dachis posted a helpful piece for Lifehacker.
Common Denominator – Find It. What might the continuing point of contention between you? Find that “button” that always gets pushed and choose together to find a way for it not to be the confounding issue.
Considering What’s Right – Convictions & Outcomes When you analyze your positions (convictions), it is possible to consider which would lead to a better outcome. This is a growth point toward understanding if not change.
Changing Someone Else’s Behavior – Shouldn’t Be the Goal. – Trying to change the other person’s opinion or worldview can’t be the goal. They are in control there, but you can change something about your own behavior toward them or the situation. This approach is not about people-pleasing but about defusing and deescalating. The goal has to be relationship, or why bother?
Consult the Facts. We tend to focus on and be influenced by information that aligns with how we think, not even considering that the information might be wrong. If one of us considers the other wrong, the temptation is to attack (if I am the one feeling right or feeling wrong, the default is to become defensive and tempted to attack). Listen to the other side. Be tuned into what you are feeling as well. Stay in the conversation. Treat yourself and the other person with compassion. The goal is understanding.
Gustavo Razzetti, a work culture design consultant, writes about the difference between the soldier mindset and the scout mindset in dealing with conflicting worldviews:
“The soldier mindset is rooted in the need to defend ourselves. The pressure to be right elevates our adrenaline—we experience a fight-or-flight response.
A more curious mindset is that of the scout—this role is about understanding, not defending our beliefs. The scout goes out, maps the terrain, and identifies the real challenge—he wants to know what’s really there.
The mindset you choose affects your judgment, analysis, and decision-making.
The soldier mindset is rooted in emotions like aggression and tribalism. The scout mindset is rooted in curiosity—it’s about the pleasure of learning new things, being intrigued when new facts contradict our beliefs, and not feeling weak about changing our mind.
I lived for many years in countries where the majority religion was not my own. Local friends would at some point or other ask me the “right or wrong” sort of question… “Why wouldn’t I consider their religion?” I treated that question with the care I had for those friends. In fact, I have a document on my computer where I considered all their tenets of faith and what kept me from becoming a follower of their religion. What was right for them was wrong for me.
However, the most beautiful experience of those “What if you’re wrong” scenarios was what happened with my dearest local friends. Without knowing the concept at the time, we determined to make each other feel “seen, soothed, safe, and secure”. Although my own faith (especially my belief in Jesus as Savior and Lord) would not be altered, these friends mattered deeply to me. We reconciled our differences in faith through the depth of our friendship. If one had to be considered right and the other wrong, we would still love each other. Period. Full-stop.
Taliban having its way again. More genocide in Myanmar. Decimating earthquake in Haiti. Covid resurgence dividing communities and messing up the equilibrium.
Now is a time for tears. And redemptive anger. And pleading prayer.
The blaming takes us nowhere. The hating definitely diminishes all.
Some think of prayer as a soft and impotent action. Not so! The God who hears our prayers is mighty to save. His purposes are not thwarted. He calls us to prayer and we, and those of the this broken world, are best served when we obey.
Do we do other things? Like sending our resources and opening our communities to those no longer with a home. Absolutely. However… if we don’t pray, we neglect the greatest salvation…and the greatest Savior in these seemingly hopeless situations.
The blaming and hating change nothing and care for no one. It is a dreadful waste and dishonors both God and humankind.
1) Twitter Gold – Social media definitely has its pluses and minuses. Twitter has taken a lot of hits lately, and deservedly, for its censorship of persons and content. It can be very negative and even mean-spirited. I’ve had the pleasure of following and learning from men and women whom I’d never have the opportunity to meet. They have taught me much about the varied positions of partisan politics, racial unrest, faith and work. Below are just a couple of the kind of tweets that have encouraged me and made me think. Who do you follow on Twitter (or other platforms) that have made a difference in your thinking.
2) Refusing to Not Care – The American Thanksgiving is this next week and many of us are looking forward to being together with family. At the same time, the CDC and many of our elected officials have advised not to travel and not to gather. What do we do?
Of course we care about those we love and even those we pass on the street or on those quick trips into stores or businesses.
We can refuse to not care. I know that is awkward wording, but it is what’s before us. We will take precautions, but to leave our elderly loved ones isolated still is not right and the lockdowns themselves can do harm as well.
I don’t like the language of “not caring.” I do think many people are weary because: – uncertain timelines (a week, then a month, then a year) – unnatural patterns (humans are made to gather) – unfair restrictions (favoring one kind of gathering and restricting another) https://t.co/JAJn476jXk
We don’t want to be reckless with those we love. We also see the double standard in some of our nation’s recommendations as crowds gather for various self-interests, and yet the private citizen is urged to stay apart.
As our COVID winter continues, we will be wise to search the conflicting and ever-evolving science on prevention and mediation.
We will continue to physically distance, wear masks around others, but we will also cautiously spend time with our family over the holidays. We will not stop caring.
In fact, anything that Dr. Thompson has written (or spoken to via podcast or YouTube video) you will find enormously instructive and empowering. He is a Christian psychiatrist who teaches and counsels on shame, belonging, and interpersonal neurobiology. What a blessing to have this kind of access to a psychiatrist’s helps in such an isolating, disorienting time as COVID has given us.Photo Credit: Curt Thompson Associates
His teaching on COVID fatigue and how to successfully deal with it is excellent. Also he teaches about the differences in our right and left brain function and how we can develop our ability to process information in a much healthier way (neuroplasticity). Fascinating stuff.
Did you know that when we feel danger, our tendency is to isolate (sounds like what we’re doing now with physical distancing)? Yet, our brains need human connection. Video calls help but they are exhausting because we are taking in all the faces 1) without the many other physical cues we’re used to and 2) without always making a real personal connection with anyone.
Thompson also talks about how our left brain is more focused on the past and the future. In fact, we are actually rewarded when we think more out of our left brain (analytical, rational, problem-solving, etc). Our right brain, however, focuses on the present…the moment. Picking up all the little details, and the beauty of our surroundings, including the faces of those all around us (differently than on video calls). Our right brain helps us create. These days we consume much more than we create. We might want to try to turn that around.
4) Christmas Comes Early – OK, so first we will have American Thanksgiving which I have lovingly written about here.
Thanksgiving won’t be missed, even with COVID restrictions, but it feels like Christmas needed to come early this year.
When our children were little, we put on a family Christmas play. Now our children have children, and thanks to a friend who can envision and execute the sweetest Christmas costumes, we’re getting another generation ready for this year’s family fun.
Then we put up the Christmas trees and lay out the nativities. Every ornament has its own memory attached. The nativities do as well – coming from around the world or crafted by a daughter.
The very best part of Christmas, after celebrating the birth of the Messiah, is communicated on this ornament: Gather together. Can’t wait!
5) A Message to President Trump –
Dear President Trump,
I’ve never written you before, although your staff has received emails from me about the issues I cared most about in your four years of office.
Until the lawsuits have run their course, it is not completely settled, but it appears, if all things stay the same, that Vice-President Biden will be taking your place in the White House. I’m sure you will do the right thing for our country, as you have tried over these four years in office.Photo Credit: Wikipedia, Shealah Craighead
President Trump, I want to thank you for all you have done to benefit our country. We don’t hear much about it in the news, but you were determined to keep as many of your promises as you could (given the checks and balances of our country’s government). Your accomplishments (at least many of them) are listed here, here, here, and here.
I have prayed for you these four years (as we must for all our presidents). There have been times when your words and actions have brought calamity on you and on us…it may have cost you your second term. However, your willingness to call out people for their own behavior has actually been refreshing.
You’ve been called a liar by the media…and yet, what if we find you have actually been telling more the truth?…albeit in an unpopular way…
You have seemed to really care about the regular guy. Your policies and presence weren’t just about the elites of our society. So many people seemed to feel seen and valued by your administration. You could see that in the rallies…and in the surprising (to the media) voter turnout.
I loved your State of the Union addresses. Whoever your speech writer was really helped you demonstrate your most human side. All presidents brag on themselves during these addresses, but you also pointed out person after person who deserved the spotlight on them for a moment. You were generous to share that with them and with all of us watching. It made me sad that many of our elected officials treated you with such contempt by boycotting your addresses, and even tearing up your speech.
Having lived in countries with far less freedom than we enjoy, it has shocked me the disrespect and disregard our media has shown you over these four years. That would have never happened where we lived. How you were able to keep your focus and keep at the important work of your office, with daily ridicule and push-back, is mind-boggling.
I’m ashamed of how you were maligned…not guilty myself, but ashamed as part of a nation. Why people didn’t try to figure out how to work with you is astonishing to me. We have all had bosses we didn’t prefer, but we do what we can to get along and get the job done.
It is also appalling how the First Lady was not revered as she should have been. Her courage and tenacity are a credit to her.
Anyway, I’ll repeat this in a real letter to you, but I just wanted to say as simply as possible, thank you. We, as a nation, have much to be grateful for in this Thanksgiving season…even in the very hard economic times of COVID. Thank you for trying to help people keep their jobs and hold their families together.
I’m also appreciative of the people, the ones I respect, who either love you or hate you. I’ve learned from them both. How strange that decent people can have such opposing views. I wonder what you think.
You have been more silent in these days since the election than in all the rest of your time in office. We pray for your health and the resolution of our current tangle. We pray God has become more real to you in these years like none other in your life. We pray these next weeks also will be some of the most productive and profitable for these United States, as is possible for a sitting President. I know you will try.
I have made Him strong. He is My chosen one; I am pleased with Him. I have given Him My Spirit, and He will bring justice to the nations. 2 He won’t shout or yell or call out in the streets. 3 He won’t break off a bent [bruised] reed or put out a dying flame, but He will make sure that justice is done. 4 He won’t quit or give up until He brings justice everywhere on earth, and people in foreign nations long for His teaching.” – Isaiah 42:1-4, CE
We wake, this morning, to the news we don’t have a clear outcome for our Presidential election.
I was walking recently with a friend of mine in a Civil War battlefield park. The irony wasn’t lost on us as we talked about our country’s troubled situation. COVID-19. Harshly divided in our politics. Racial unrest. Rioting and looting in the streets of our cities.
As we finished our walk, we prayed. Looking out over a field where fellow countrymen fought and died, we cried out for our country.
With her permission, I captured some of her prayer below. It moved my heart so…absolutely positive it moved the heart of God as well.
“Lord, we are a bent country. Smoldering…we stand in the power and protection of Your righteous right hand…We’ve seen you move the heart of kings…You can change hearts today as You have through the centuries. You love Your children…please Father, make our country’s bent straight.”
We hear so often how our news media is broken, the family is broken, our country is broken. No, not broken. I refuse that…not just me, but God’ Word gives testament.
We are bent and He will not allow for us to be broken. Our wick may be flickering, but He will not let it go out. He will bring justice.
Now, I’m no prophet. Only God knows what will happen in decades ahead with our country or yours…but this is sure: God is in the mix. He is strong and He is good. He will carry His children through it all. Hallelujah!
Crushed, shaken by wind,
Darkened within
Staggered by sin,
I was afraid.
Bruised, covered with shame
Until He came,
Calling my name,
Lifting me–tenderly,
Changing my wounds for the good,
As only He could.
For the bruised reed He shall not break
And the smoking flax, He will not quench
For He loves and tenderly cares for His own.
He will not leave me alone.
A flame–once burning bright,
Shining through night,
Flickering light–
Now it is gone.
Smoke rises like a sigh
‘Til He draws nigh.
Light’ning the eye.
He will heal and reveal
All He has worked for the good
As only He could.
(He will not leave you alone.)
If you are weary and heavy within,
Trampled by pain,
Bruised by your sin,
He will not leave you or cast you away.
He turns the midnight to glorious day.
He’ll exchange ashes for beauty again,
He’ll replace sorrow with joy in His name!
He will not leave you alone.*
Take heart. With eyes fixed on God. We stand and we help others stand, in the truth that God “will not leave (us) alone”. He is here.
Freedom of speech is a precious right that deserves our protection.
We are free in this country to speak. We can choose to treat truth as a lie or lies as truth. Without penalty in some cases. Even the Supreme Court has protected the right to lie in one instance (maybe others). The justices’ in-court conversation is fascinating and telling of the sanctity of free speech in our country.
As a nation, our values have included the adage “with rights come responsibilities”. Unfortunately, in the political arena, we may need to ask the question: has lying become an accepted “means to an end”?
For this first (maybe final) term of the Trump presidency, he has been accused of lying on a daily basis, by the Democrats and the main-stream media, among others. Now we are in the last days of a presidential election. Vice-President Biden, the Democratic candidate for President, is also under fire for lying. Even his own Vice-President candidate, Senator Harris, not many months ago, accused him of the same.
Let’s just say, for a moment, that telling the truth is not an American value in 2020. It seems it still is, if we base that assessment on the varied and verbose outcries, on each side of the political aisle. However, how is it that we, the American people, believe our particular candidate is always telling the truth and the other is not?
Here’s what I think? Take it for what it’s worth to you. I don’t think any of us can know who is lying and who is telling the truth.
We live in a political era of spliced sound-bytes, seamless film editing, brilliant speech writing, and high-dollar coaches and advisors. Our party and policy preferences are gathered from our social media posts and internet searches. What we want to hear and see is well-researched and incorporated into political campaigns. Then we have the tech giants and news media fueling what we believe about our preferred candidates…or the other catastrophic choices. This is where we are…in the political arena.
Many of us are disappointed in the amount of pandering politicians do. But that pandering is more a symptom of our high unadjusted expectations and abstract consumerism than it is of flaws of political characters. You can’t compete for the presidency these days without pandering, including meta-pandering — pandering about pandering, saying “You’re good honest folk. You don’t want pandering. You only want straight talk and that’s all you’ll ever get from me.” – Jeremy E. Sherman
The quote above speaks to the jaded nature of politics. “Pandering” is essentially saying what we think others want to hear to get what we want out of the transaction – a political win, in this case. Sad.
The win is what matters. Lie if you have to, to end up on top. Lying, and not getting caught in the lie, is even better. So what if you get caught? Then you lean on your allies to whitewash the lie or create doubt, especially, when possible, by casting doubt on the veracity of the one who exposed the lie. Round and round and round we go.
There’s so much more I’d like to say on this topic, but will stop here. In the US, a huge election is days away, and we are weighing our candidates by what we believe about them. Who has our best interests at heart? Some say they are voting for the “lesser of two evils”. Some are very relieved at their option. Still others believe the whole future of this country is at stake.
What is true here, and what are the lies? What makes us think we can sort them out?
Here’s how? We look past our party affiliation. We start the clock wondering: how is it that this friend, colleague, family member, educator, legislator, celebrity, thought leader, media talking head…thinks differently from me? Be willing to ask the question, “Could it be possible that I’m the one who believes the lies? Could it be I have drunk the proverbial KoolAid?”
The sleek advertising notwithstanding, lies abound right now. Freedom of speech protects a certain level of lying. The end justifies the means…or so it seems. What we hope is that when the smoke clears on this election, and a winner is finally declared, that we as a people haven’t sold our souls to the Devil…the Father of lies.
For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, will multiply teachers for themselves because they have an itch to hear what they want to hear. – 2 Timothy 4:3
Here is the positive, the hope. We can be those who don’t need our ears tickled. We can, no matter the outcome of this election, choose to look for truth (not in the use of the word as in “my truth” or “your truth”) and stand there…together. When we dig down through all the political pandering and propaganda, we can hopefully find bedrock… if not in today’s popular culture…then elsewhere.
We were younger than we thought. Fresh out of graduate or med schools. In our first big real-world work. Most Saturdays in those days, we met for breakfast at Horton’s (now a Chipotle) and lingered over coffee. Talking about life and how to solve the problems around us. We didn’t always agree, and sometimes we got loud and passionate…but never unkind. We loved each other after all. We also cared about the same things but often saw those very same things differently.
Each going our separate ways those Saturdays, we had learned from one another. Always coming away with a larger sense of what it takes to make a better world. We valued our debates, our arguments, as much as our happier takes on life. Civil and thoughtful – with space to disagree.
A few years later, we all relocated across the US, in next real-world jobs. I took a teaching post at Yale University. My first foray out of the South. There, I had the same experience as with our Saturday morning breakfast club. Lively debate on life, university regulations, student issues, course content, and the politics of the day. I was definitely an outlier on some of the topics, being one of the youngest on faculty and from a part of the country sometimes maligned for its thinking. Still, the grace and respectful interest given to me by my colleagues again gave room to grow…maybe for all of us as we wrestled together things that mattered. The experience of belonging also breathed consideration into our arguments. We shared commonalities. A tenure track respected no one over another.
Recently, a lawyer friend of mine, in Seattle, sent me the following article on this topic of argument or dissent:
What we are witnessing, in the rapidly transforming norms around race, sex, and gender, is not an argument at all but a revolution in moral sentiment. In all revolutions, the new thing struggling to be born makes use of the old system in order to overthrow it. At present, institutions like the university, the press, and the medical profession preserve the appearance of reason, empiricism, and argument while altering, through edict and coercion, the meaning of essential terms in the moral lexicon, like fairness, equality, friendship, and love. That the effort wins so much support speaks to the deep contradictions and corruption of American meritocratic institutions, and of the liberal individualist moral regime it seeks to replace.
Moral revolutions cannot tolerate ambiguity, but there is so much that I’m not sure of. How does one argue with this new form of truth? Not in the old way. Not by taking the bait. – Jacob Siegel
Siegel writes about the lost art of argument. His is a long and scholarly piece very worth the read. In brief, he states a strong case of how American culture, in particular, has become intolerant of reasoned debate. Pick the issue, and folks line up on one side or the other. If you are not on my side, then you are dead wrong. More than just wrong, you are a racist, sexist, fascist, Communist. And so it goes…far from the days of civil disagreement.
In the midst of all the meanness, especially in this election year, with political debates upon us, I believe we can turn this around.
Surely, we see the danger of hateful, polarizing exchanges. Part of our dilemma is that we are less face-to-face than we used to be. Before email and social media. Before COVID.
It’s too easy to use social media to make a public case on an issue and then dare someone to expose her biases and disagree.
I’m so thankful to have friends and family who allow for arguments on issues of religion, politics, etc. but without attacking.
The key to the art of argument is our persistent care for the person across from us. We may not love them, may not even like them, but we refuse to belittle or grow contempt for them. We refuse.
We determine to show respect, no matter how hot the argument becomes. We learn how to deescalate because the person matters more than the problem.
Scott Sauls speaks often on this matter of argument. His Tweet below expresses it better than I can.
People from the right and left calling me out for “political ambiguity.“ So here are my politics in a nutshell:
Attack problems not people…especially problems that attack people. Be unwilling to accept collateral damage that favors some and injures others.#WombToTomb
“Attack problems not people…especially problems that attack people.”
Although in the public arena we see too much ungracious confrontations, we can find exceptions. I’ve taken to watching Blogging Heads on YouTube. On split-screen, two people (often educators but others as well) tackle some of our most pressing societal issues. They have been immensely helpful to me. Equipping their listeners on how to problem-solve and see issues in ways we might not have before. Mentoring on how to have respectful, thoughtful discussions on topics they may or may not agree on…but they amicably agree to disagree.
I was honored to have a powerful discussion with the great @GlennLoury on upward mobility, entrepreneurship, education, faith, and a debate on how best to empower the black community to move from persecution to prosperity. https://t.co/9XY2lfk2wm@1776Unites@AEI@citizenstewart
The art of argument (debate) doesn’t have to be lost. We can choose to weigh in on matters of extreme importance without taking the other person to the mat. Stating our reasoning without condescension. Listening, learning, allowing that we could be missing some part of the issue. Whether or not we get the same treatment, we both lose if at least one doesn’t remember the person in front of us has greater value than winning the the argument.
In closing, you’ll find two clips from Denzel Washington‘s 2007 film The Great Debaters. The plot is based on the true story of the rising debate team of the historically black Wiley College. The time was the 1930’s during the era of Jim Crow. The place, Texas. Washington played the role of Melvin Tolson, the outspoken debate coach. These two clips are riveting examples of an argument and a debate…and how it might be done again.
2) 200 Days – It’s been 200 days of physical distancing and wearing masks in public. Over half a year. COVID-19 has been a global health threat for many months now. We have learned so much in how to prevent, mediate, and treat. It’s become a political issue which is unfortunate and unfair. It is a novel virus. We are all learning.
For me, the biggest thing, after not contracting the virus, is how to navigate life with physical distancing. I’ve found instead of my capacity for work and people growing, it has contracted. Fatigue is a daily issue to battle. This is so curious since we are in the physical lives of far fewer people…and much of the clutter in our work lives has been removed.
Still…we are challenged to stay in play in life and relationships. I really appreciated the counsel of the two articles below. Won’t elaborate here, but read what you need…and don’t give in to the sluggishness of this constrained life. It will get better or stay different – we want to effectively meet the challenge whatever it is.
3) Humanity Over Politics – “Don’t let politics take away your humanity. Don’t let the fact that you agree or disagree with someone on various issues, don’t let that stop you from having sympathy for them, compassion…In general, people need to stop trying to dunk on people, insult people, dunking on people when they are…sick, going through dark times. It’s just despicable behavior. This is not me virtue-signaling. This is just me trying to encourage you to be a decent human being. Humanity over politics always!” – Zuby
Important message!
Don't let politics turn you into what you despise. You don't change hearts and minds by kicking people at their lowest point. Even if you disagree with them.
I follow @ZubyMusic on Twitter. This young man is British with an international accent (sounds American to me, raised and schooled in Saudi Arabia). He is truly brilliant with a wide range of giftings – podcaster, rapper, health/fitness coach, author, and culture commentator. He seems to truly care about people…and even us Americans, which is so refreshing. I learn from him daily.
4) Civil Thoughts and Voices – Who are those in your lives? Please comment below and let us in on those we might want to learn from, as well. On the Christian front, writer/pastor Scott Sauls is one of those for me. His book A Gentle Answer: Our ‘Secret Weapon’ in an Age of Us Against Them is a great resource.
In the last several weeks, you have heard me rave about economics professor and social scientist Glenn Loury. He is one of the thought leaders in our world today, and his voice has helped me stay calm in a world gone crazy. He is weekly on a YouTube Blogging Heads episode and also on other media platforms. This week, Loury speaks with Ian Rowe on education and society. There is not one dry point in this whole conversation.
Hope-giving. Whatever your biases or preconceived notions are, Do. Not. Miss. This. Especially if you love children.
Rowe is currently a fellow with the American Enterprise Institute, focusing on education and upward mobility, family formation, success sequence, adoption, and poverty studies. If you truly care about issues related to racism, poverty, opportunity, and family, you want to read everything he writes…and talk about it with whomever and wherever you have a voice.
[Rowe also talks about the role of not only individuals but mediating institutions who will add to the conversation and strengthen the solutions.]
5) Mushrooms Everywhere – The natural world around us is full of wonder and surprises. I had the pleasure of a walk in the woods this week. Highlighted by a closer to the ground view by two small grandchildren. They spotted and we marveled at the incredible array and variety of mushrooms and fungi growing on the forest floor and downed logs.
We see mushrooms pop up in our yards overnight. How do they do it? Seemingly out of nowhere. Not tackling that here, but you can find several timelapse videos of mushroom growth on YouTube.
For today, I just wanted to post some (not all) of the mushrooms we discovered on that one walk. Phenomenal!
Time-lapse video of composting worms – ok, so this has nothing to do with the above topic, but… When my husband takes the grandchildren fishing, they fish with worms. Dug up from our compost pile. Except for the creepiness factor, it amazes how worms can turn garbage into compost, and over a very short amount of time.
“Every ‘yes’ you say means a ‘no’ to something else.” – my husband, Dave
Forgive me but I didn’t realise Thursday was #NationalPoetryDay. If I’d have remembered I’d have posted this famous moment from ‘Parkinson’ in 1973… when Ken and Maggie Smith read John Betjeman’s ‘Death in Leamington’ in front of the great man himself. Truly memorable. Click⬇️ pic.twitter.com/pqpHdg82UL
— Kenneth Williams Archive (@KENNETHWILLlAMS) October 3, 2020
“There are times in the experience of almost every community, when even the humblest member thereof may properly presume to teach — when the wise and great ones, the appointed leaders of the people, exert their powers of mind to complicate, mystify, entangle and obscure the simple truth — when they exert the noblest gifts which heaven has vouchsafed to man to mislead the popular mind, and to corrupt the public heart, — then the humblest may stand forth and be excused for opposing even his weakness to the torrent of evil.” – Frederick Douglass, from Maria Popova’s article “Frederick Douglass on the Wisdom of the Minority and the Real Meaning of Solidarity
The following video is an intersection in Cairo, Egypt. I never could bring myself to drive when we lived there, but I loved watching how the drivers made their way through all the traffic. Fascinating!
Hello, Weekend! Here are some of this week’s favorite finds. Enjoy!
1) Theme from Howl’s Moving Castle – When a theme for a movie goes beyond the scope of the film’s story, it’s intriguing and all the more beautiful. “The Merry-Go-Round of Life” was composed by Joe Hisaishi as part of the score for the film Howl’s Moving Castle. Classical guitarist Nathan Mills (Beyond the Guitar) has winsomely arranged this piece for guitar.
I’m not a musician nor have I ever been a fan of instrumental (even classical music) until Nathan began playing. His music has given all who know (or have discovered) him. Even within his preferred genre (arranging covers of movie, TV, and video game themes), he has opened up musical worlds that I might never have discovered.
This piece exactly does that. This lovely theme from a Japanese animated film would have been lost to me except for Nathan’s music.
His podcast, in its own right, does the same thing – drawing our attention to pop and arts culture and what we can learn both for disciplines in life and musicianship, as well as the joy in the journey.
2) Fathers – Fathers are a great benefit to children. We all celebrate our mothers and their role in nurturing us through our growing up years. Fathers, too, make a huge difference. For whatever reasons they are absent, hopefully we look to men in our extended family or friend group, or teachers, neighbors, and city leaders.
Dr. King was the father of four. He died too young (from an assassin’s bullet at the age of 39). His children were still very young, but they have the legacy of his public life and whatever private lessons he taught his children. We have all certainly learned from him. His speech on this day 57 years ago resonates today.
“Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
This week I discovered two other fathers expressing excellent, somewhat counter-cultural counsel to the younger people in their lives and in our country.
One is a Tennessee resident and representative in his state legislature – John Deberry, Jr. A recent speech he made was highlighted by thought leader Coleman Hughes. You can watch it below.
His bold and straight talk had a cost for him, but he would not stand down from the imperative to speak for the sake of those he represented.
The last father I’d like to feature here is Dr. Glenn Loury. He is a Brown University professor in social studies and economics. His commentary on the YouTube channel Blogging Heads has really opened up my thinking on many varied topics. He talks on a recent podcast about the issue of race and agency (how we make decisions and take personal action). This part of his talk begins at 42 minutes.
His “father talk” emphasizes taking up our own battles, not depending on another group of people for our future (equality), push ourselves toward success, avoid victimhood, get an education and needed training, take care of our families.
“Take responsibility for your life. No one is coming to save you. It’s not anybody else’s job to raise your children…Take responsibility for your life. It’s not fair…Life is full of tragedy and atrocity and barbarity…it’s not fair, but it’s the way of the world…Equality of dignity, equality of standing and respect, equality of feeling secure in your position in society, equality of being able to command the respect of others…something you have to wrest with hard work, with your bare hands. You have to make yourself equal. No one can make you equal.” – Dr. Glenn Loury
We depend on our fathers to tell us the hard things…but the true things. Our fathers, like our mothers but different, can empower us to know our value and our possibilities.
3) Best Bits of the Republican National Convention – Okay, so I watched both the Democratic National Convention (last week) and the Republican National Convention (this week). I wish, from the beginning, that I had jotted down the speakers that were especially gripping. Only recorded some of this week’s favorites. Most of them were not even on the published schedule. Sweet surprises. So forgive the candidate endorsement or laments if you can…just enjoy some of their stories. Both conventions showcased the lives of many Black Americans. In these days, it was a step toward healing.
Herschel Walker – retired NFL football player, from my home state of Georgia, 37 years of friendship with Donald Trump
Daniel Cameron – first African-American attorney general of the state of Kentucky
Senator Tim Scott – U.S. senator from South Carolina. His grandfather died in his 90s and Senator Scott said, “from cotton to Congress in one lifetime”. That’s his story.
Rep. Vernon Jones – state representative in Georgia. Right-leaning Democrat
Andrew Pollock – father of Parkland High School shooting victim, Meadow. He is an activist for school safety. A School Safety Commission was appointed after this school shooting.
Maximo Alvarez – (CEO, Sunshine Gasoline Distributors). Immigrant from Cuba. He loves America. As he watches the rioting, he said, “I hear echoes of the former life that I never wanted to hear again”.
Jon Ponder – former felon and founder of the re-entry program “Hope for Prisoners”
Jack Brewer – former NFL football player, founder of Black Voices for Trump
Clarence Henderson – civil rights activist; president of the North Carolina chapter of the Frederick Douglass Foundation
Ja’Ron Smith – assistant to the President and advisor on domestic policy
Alice Marie Johnson – first-time non-violent offender sentenced to life in prison plus 25 years. Received clemency after 22 years by President Trump
Again, these were from the Republican National Convention. Just a few voices on the side of one political party. It was odd that many of their brushes with the current President’s administration were unknown to me.
There were inspiring speakers at both conventions. Who were some of your favorites at DNC or RNC?
4) Handling a Narcissistic Boss – Volumes have been written on narcissism. One definition that fits here is: selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
Leadership consultant Lolly Daskal gives a 10-point list of actions to help us work effectively with narcissistic bosses. I’m just posting the points but her commentary on each is definitely worth your read.
Understand the source.
Respond, don’t react.
Set clear boundaries.
Don’t allow them to get under your skin.
Don’t feed the beast.
Don’t empower those who don’t deserve it.
Fact check everything.
Don’t argue.
Don’t be provoked.
Stay focused on what’s important.
Read the rest of Daskal’s article. Narcissistic people can be in positions of authority and influence. Knowing how to “get along” can mean the difference in impact, work gains, and quality of life. It’s worth the effort…if this is your situation.
5) Late Summer Garden – My husband’s garden is winding down for the summer…and it is still beautiful and fruitful. Here’s a look-see:[Three goldfinches feeding on seeds, I’m supposing, on this little petunia plant.]
Hope you have a peace-filled weekend. Hope also you find grace for the losses of this week, with shootings, violence in the streets, and hurricanes. Trying times, but we are not alone in them.
“I pray not only for these [His disciples], but also for those who believe in me through their word.May they all be one,as you, Father, are in me and I am in you.May they also bein us, so that the world may believe you sent me.I have given them the gloryyou have given me, so that they may be one as we are one.I am in them and you are in me,so that they may be made completely one, that the world may know you have sent me and have lovedthem as you have loved me.” – Jesus – John 17:20-23
Most everyone around the world probably knows the US is embroiled this year in a severe battle for the Presidency.
The various news networks and social media sources broadcast our biases. One candidate or the other is blamed for the condition of our country – whether the sitting president or the party or person of the candidate making his bid for the office.
We align ourselves as the Church in America. On one side of the argument or the other. Some will take the less gnarly position of a third candidate or just not vote this year.
Here’s the insight God gave me this week. When people I deeply love and respect pull for a candidate that I can’t abide or when they hear me out on my decision so different from theirs, we find ourselves at an impasse.
I will not influence them nor will they me. Our reasoning is human, and neither of us can know for sure we are right or we are wrong.
What matters more? That we continue in the unity of love together.
The last night Jesus spent on earth, before His crucifixion, He prayed the exquisite prayer we find in John 17. It was an intimate discourse with His Father, and thankfully we are privy to it thanks to the Holy Spirit-inspired Gospel of the Apostle John. In His prayer, Jesus prayed for Himself; He prayed for his disciples, and He prayed for all believers.
Jesus prayed that we would be one as He is one with His Father. One in the unity of love. That He prayed this before His death for us demonstrated how much it mattered to Him.
How much this unity must matter to us!
In David Guzik‘s commentary on John 17, he states: “The unity Jesus prayed for among His people has a pattern. Even as the Father and the Son are one yet are not the same, we do not expect that genuine Christian unity will mean uniformity or unity of structure. It will mean unity of spirit, unity of heart, unity of purpose, and unity of destiny.”
Guzik also quotes Charles Spurgeon on unity as different from uniformity: “Beloved, those in whom Christ lives are not uniform, but one. Uniformity may be found in death, but this unity is life. Those who are quite uniform may yet have no love to each other, while those who differ widely may still be truly and intensely one. Our children are not uniform, but they make one family.”
Some will say the issue of who Christians can morally choose as our US President requires some order of uniformity…and so it does. However, the division between us in this matter should sound an alarm in our spirits.
This is not what Jesus wanted for us.
“It is in the midst of a difference that we have our golden opportunity. When everything is going well and we are all standing around in a nice little circle, there is not much to be seen by the world. But when we come to the place where there is a real difference, and we exhibit uncompromised principles but at the same time observable love, then there is something that the world can see, something they can use to judge that these really are Christians, and that Jesus has indeed been sent by the Father.” – Francis Schaeffer
We may differ on how we see “compromise”. That is its own struggle, but we cannot enjoin that struggle with whether we can love one another.
We love each other, because we are His. No matter our political party. No matter the outcome of this election.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – Jesus – John 13:35
We come together with a holy purpose
We come together for the highest cause
We speak one language from a heart of worship
Gathered to bring a song to the world
For Your glory
With one voice we will sing
Every tribe and every tongue
Brings a harmony
With one voice we will bring
Heaven’s beautiful melody down to this earth
As we sing to our King
With one voice
Oceans divide us
But we sing together
Now what defines us is our love of You
From every nation and across all borders
Gathered to bring a song to the world
For Your glory
With one voice we will sing
Every tribe and every tongue
Brings a harmony
With one voice we will bring
Heaven’s beautiful melody down to this earth
As we sing to our King
With one voice
Come on come on and join the song
Our God our God is on the throne
Come on come on and join the song
Hallelujah hallelujah
Come on come on and join the song
Our God our God is on the throne
Come on come on and join the song
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Let us all rejoice
With one voice we will bring
Heaven’s beautiful melody down to this earth
As we sing, sing to our King
With one voice
With one voice
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Let us all rejoice
Sing hallelujah
Sing His praise
Let us all rejoice
Sing hallelujah, our God reigns
Let us all rejoice
Sing hallelujah
Sing His praise
Let us all rejoice*
In closing, one of my other favorite passages in the Gospel of John is John 6:68. Jesus was weary with the struggle of public ministry, dealing with the contempt of the religious leaders of the day and the fickleness of followers who came and went. In a moment of weakness (human but without sin), Jesus turned to His twelve disciples and asked if they wanted to leave also.
Simon Peter answered, “Lord, to whom will we go? You have the words of eternal life.” – John 6:68
We know as believers, no matter our politics or our preferences, we are transfixed by the person of Jesus Christ. To know His life, His teaching, and His love…no one else…no place else would satisfy.
Our days and destinies are linked with Him and with each other. Our hearts are knit together. Everything else will fall away in the end. We are His. He is ours. We are meant to live in that reality…even (especially) in this season.
