{"id":11607,"date":"2016-10-10T04:15:56","date_gmt":"2016-10-10T08:15:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/?p=11607"},"modified":"2016-10-10T04:15:56","modified_gmt":"2016-10-10T08:15:56","slug":"monday-morning-moment-what-you-think-of-others-matters-workplace-wisdom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/?p=11607","title":{"rendered":"Monday Morning Moment – What You Think of Others Matters – Workplace Wisdom"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Blog<\/a><\/p>\n

[From the Archives]<\/p>\n

At first, you really liked working with this person. Then, bit by bit,\u00a0he\/she began wearing on you. He is always playing with his phone. Her solution to today\u2019s problem is too labor-intensive. His email responses have become terse. She is late for\u00a0your meeting. You think, maybe I was wrong about him. He is not the person I thought he was. Maybe, she\u2019s the wrong person on the bus<\/a>.<\/p>\n

When a relationship begins to deteriorate at work (or home), you are wise to take steps to turn this around as quickly as possible. You could be in a work situation that\u00a0has been\u00a0difficult from the outset. It is still possible for you to make inroads in turning that relationship toward a more healthy or positive one. If not altogether, at least from your side. Consider an adage\u00a0that has had\u00a0a long and useful run in our family and work.<\/p>\n

Your opinion of someone approximates their opinion of you.<\/strong> \u2013 Dave Mills<\/a><\/p>\n

There are exceptions, but I have found this to be wise\u00a0counsel (from my husband, no less) in both personal and professional relationships.\u00a0When what was a\u00a0warm, congenial relationship takes a turn toward the negative, you can actually work, from your side, to restore the relationship. Even to take it to a deeper level. It can get more uncomfortable at first, because you have to start with your own thoughts toward that person. How have they changed?<\/p>\n

We send signals to each other \u2013\u00a0whether we speak or not.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My Mom raised us\u00a0out of\u00a0the era of Walt Disney\u2019s Bambi:<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you can\u2019t say something nice, don\u2019t say nothing at all.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

Good counsel except for the conversations that still go on in our heads and color our attitudes, our tone of voice, our preferences, and our decisions.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say I have an amicable relationship with a colleague, and then something happens. I may not even be aware of it \u2013 a misunderstanding, a misconstrued action, an insensitivity unaware. Then a chill develops, or a clear outright dislike. I have a window of opportunity to clear that up. Otherwise, if I don\u2019t act, then a process can begin where I decide that person is a jerk and has woefully misjudged me\u2026and off we go.<\/p>\n

Remember: This can go both ways. You may have had a few off days with a colleague, and find yourself just not thinking so well of him, then stop it<\/a>! It\u2019s possible you can keep them from picking up that signal and prevent the relationship from getting more toxic as they decide you\u2019re not so great either.<\/p>\n

If I refuse to think ill of another<\/strong> person and discipline myself to be respectful, deferrent in my demeanor, and tireless in pursuing understanding, I could restore that relationship. If it doesn\u2019t improve right away, my attitude and actions work for my own benefit and can definitely help build trust with my team members. One day\u2026that relationship may also turn. It\u2019s worth the effort.<\/p>\n

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Jon Acuff talks about the four ways we invest in our careers \u2013 through skills, character, hustle, and relationships. In an interview with LifeReimagined.com, he had this to say about difficult, or neglected,\u00a0work relationships:<\/p>\n

\u201cEven if you have skills, character and hustle, without relationships, it\u2019s the career version of the Emperor\u2019s New Clothes. Why?\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t have relationships, you eventually don\u2019t have people in your life who can tell you the truth<\/strong> about the decisions you\u2019re making. You don\u2019t have people who can tell you no or question you honestly. What I\u2019ve learned is that leaders who can\u2019t be questioned end up doing questionable things.\u201d<\/em> \u2013 LifeReimagined.com interview with Jon Acuff<\/a><\/p>\n

He identifies three types of people in our lives (work or otherwise, really): friends, foes, and advocates. Jon writes in Do Over:<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThe best thing to give a foe is distance.<\/strong> We should ignore most foes. The problem of course is that we won\u2019t. If your definition of foe is too loose and is essentially \u201canyone who kind of bothers me ever,\u201d your job is going to be miserable. If you see people as your adversaries, it\u2019s almost impossible to have a good working relationship with them.<\/strong> The first thing is to understand whether these foes are clueless or calculated. A clueless foe is that person whose behavior encourages you to fail. They are not malicious. They are not trying to make you lose, but with the power of their influence you are. <\/em>\u201cBad habits are almost always a social disease \u2013 if those around us model and encourage them, we\u2019ll almost always fall prey. Turn \u2018accomplices\u2019 into \u2018friends\u2019 and you can be two-thirds more likely to succeed.\u201d<\/em> \u2013 Jon Acuff, Do Over<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

I think what Jon says is true. Because of my own worldview and value system (and married to Dave all these years), I don\u2019t think we can just acknowledge there are foes out there and distance yourself from them. Sometimes, that is virtually impossible and still be effective at work. Because what can happen, if we don\u2019t act to keep our own thinking clear, is that we take on some of that \u201cfoe-dom\u201d ourselves. Maybe you aren\u2019t going to be bosom buddies with this person, but your own work and other relationships can suffer if you develop bad habits around this person. Better to work on the relationship.<\/p>\n

\"Blog<\/a>\"Blog<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cFor no matter what we achieve, if we don\u2019t spend the vast majority of our time with people we love and respect, we cannot possibly have a great life. But if we spend the vast majority of our time with people we love and respect \u2013 people we really enjoy being on the bus with and who will never disappoint us \u2013 then we will almost certainly have a great life, no matter where the bus goes. The people we interviewed from the good-to-great companies clearly loved what they did, largely because they loved who they did it with.<\/strong>\u201d<\/em> \u2013 Jim Collins, Good to Great<\/a><\/p>\n

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For as he thinks within himself, so he is.<\/span>\u00a0<\/strong> \u2013 Proverbs 23:7<\/a><\/p>\n

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.<\/strong> \u2013 <\/em>Philippians 4:8<\/a><\/p>\n

\"Blog<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/a>Do Over by Jon Acuff<\/a><\/p>\n

Fourteen Indispensable Leadership Quotes from Jim Collins \u2013 Thom Rainer<\/a><\/p>\n

How to Deal With Difficult Co-workers<\/a>\u00a0\u2013 Read keeping in mind that some days you might be the one perceived as difficult.<\/p>\n

\"Blog<\/a><\/p>\n

Photos: Just a few of the men in Dave\u2019s life who required no special work on his part to love and respect\u2026and there are many more. Grateful.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[From the Archives] At first, you really liked working with this person. Then, bit by bit,\u00a0he\/she began wearing on you. He is always playing with his phone. Her solution to today\u2019s problem is too labor-intensive. His email responses have become terse. She is late for\u00a0your meeting. You think, maybe I was wrong about him. He … Continue reading Monday Morning Moment – What You Think of Others Matters – Workplace Wisdom<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[926,2986,34,1628,1704,1705,3395,1449,1737,1626,1732,317,293,1450,353,789,1453,2817,185],"tags":[3821,3820,1750,1466,298,1459,1458,1504,2658],"class_list":["post-11607","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-attending-or-focus","category-attitude","category-books","category-character","category-communication","category-conversations","category-disciplines","category-do-over","category-jim-collins","category-jon-acuff","category-leadership","category-lessons-learned","category-life-skills","category-monday-morning","category-monday-morning-moment","category-relationships","category-work","category-workplace-culture","category-workplace-or-marketplace","tag-conflict","tag-difficult-co-workers","tag-jim-collins","tag-jon-acuff","tag-leadership","tag-monday-morning","tag-monday-morning-moment","tag-relationships","tag-workplace-wisdom"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pauPAB-31d","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11607","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11607"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11607\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11611,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11607\/revisions\/11611"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11607"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11607"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11607"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}