{"id":29196,"date":"2021-11-23T15:32:25","date_gmt":"2021-11-23T20:32:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/?p=29196"},"modified":"2021-11-23T15:40:22","modified_gmt":"2021-11-23T20:40:22","slug":"monday-morning-moment-as-adults-we-still-need-to-feel-safe-seen-soothed-and-secure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/?p=29196","title":{"rendered":"Monday Morning Moment – As Adults We Still Need to Feel Safe, Seen, Soothed, and Secure"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Photo Credit: Nicole Michalou, Pexels<\/a><\/p>\n

[Adapted from previous posts on parenting here<\/a> and here<\/a>.]<\/p>\n

American Thanksgiving brings families and friends together for a big day of food, football, and (hopefully) fun<\/a>. Social media this week will be crammed (at least in the US) with images of smiling people leaning in to pack the frame. What we don’t see is those sadly missing from the frivolity. Maybe it’s too far to travel. Or work claims too large a chunk of the day. Or another family’s turn this year. Or possibly, unfortunately, Thanksgiving is too complicated a day to spend all together.<\/p>\n

By its very name, Thanksgiving is about being grateful for what we have – the food, good health, the other bounties of life, but most especially, our relationships. How thankful we are to be in the land of the living with those we love.<\/p>\n

How do we communicate our love? How do we experience love from each other? Is it complete joy behind those smiles or is it also courage. Showing up even when it’s hard sometimes.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been learning more about this whole brain and relationship thing from two brilliant psychiatrists Dr. Dan Siegel<\/a> and Dr. Curt Thompson<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dr. Thompson has written a trilogy of powerful, ground-breaking books \u2013 Anatomy of the Soul<\/em>, The Soul of Shame<\/em>, and The Soul of Desire<\/em>.<\/a>\u00a0 He describes these books as exploring \u201chow neuroscience relates to the ways we experience relationships, deep emotions like shame and joy and especially our own stories \u2014 and how we can process our longings and desire for spiritual connection with God and each other to live more fully integrated, connected lives.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Such good books!<\/p>\n

Thompson refers often to Dr. Siegel\u2019s \u201c4 S\u2019s of Attachment-Based Parenting<\/a>\u201c. Those S\u2019s relate to what we communicate to our children even as infants but throughout life. We want them to know they are \u201csafe and seen\u201d and to experience being \u201csoothed and secure\u201d. This is especially poignant when we introduce the word \u201cNo\u201d into the great adventure of their lives. No\u2026and discipline as they get bigger.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Now…fast forward to adulthood.<\/strong> OK…maybe your childhood (or parenting) had some tough spots or (for parents) regret. We can’t go back…we can’t fix what got broken. We can still learn to love well today. Siegel\u2019s 4 S\u2019s, referenced in his book The Power of Showing Up<\/em><\/a>, primarily relate to parenting. However, he and Thompson both talk about these 4 experiences being needed throughout our lives. Take a look at the briefest explanations of them below:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a>Photo Credit: Dr. Dan Siegel & Dr. Tina Payne Bryson<\/a><\/p>\n

As adults, we want the same things – to be safe (no “bracing for impact” in relationships), to be seen (truly known by those most significant in our lives), to be soothed (our emotions understood and acknowledged, without judgment, even when they are big and out of proportion), and secure (that no matter what, we are loved. Our persons are NOT leaving the room).<\/p>\n

Whatever we may have experienced as children, we can alter our present. Whatever we did as young and overwhelmed parents, we can move, with love and insight, to a better situation with our kids. The past is just that…the past. We can be truly with each other, in the here and now…if we are brave and willing to be humble.<\/p>\n

Something to think about during Thanksgiving week. Let’s don’t miss those people across the table or room from us. The ones we are missing…because for whatever reason, they are not there…let’s figure out how to show up in their lives, in meaningful, redeeming, and healing ways.<\/p>\n

Have a blessed Thanksgiving Day with those you love…whether it’s your holiday or not. Thanks for showing up here.<\/p>\n

The 4 S\u2019s of Attachment-Based Parenting<\/em> \u2013 Daniel J. Siegel \u2013 Podcast<\/a><\/p>\n

The Power of Showing Up<\/em> \u2013 Daniel J. Siegel, MD & Tina Payne Bryson, PhD<\/a><\/p>\n

Mindful Parenting: 4 S\u2019s of Secure Attachment<\/em> \u2013 Esther Goldstein<\/a><\/p>\n

The Neurobiology of Attachment to Nurturing and Abusive Caregivers<\/em> \u2013 Regina M. Sullivan, PhD<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Photo Credit: Nicole Michalou, Pexels [Adapted from previous posts on parenting here and here.] American Thanksgiving brings families and friends together for a big day of food, football, and (hopefully) fun. Social media this week will be crammed (at least in the US) with images of smiling people leaning in to pack the frame. What … Continue reading Monday Morning Moment – As Adults We Still Need to Feel Safe, Seen, Soothed, and Secure<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3396,5628,926,690,34,2126,1705,1618,1148,1449,2307,147,3976,3208,5253,1454,1265,903,1435,3394,2611,888,1450,353,719,761,789,887,4160,619,610],"tags":[9646,6762,9063,8184,9520,7,239,1459,1458,594,9543,1504,9642,9645,9643,699,9202,9644,1843,9518],"class_list":["post-29196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-america","category-anxiety","category-attending-or-focus","category-babies-children","category-books","category-community","category-conversations","category-courage","category-critical-thinking","category-do-over","category-emotions","category-family-2","category-fear","category-finishing-strong","category-forgiveness","category-fresh-start","category-friends","category-grace","category-growing-up","category-habits","category-love-your-neighbor","category-memories","category-monday-morning","category-monday-morning-moment","category-reconciliationforgiveness","category-redeeming-restoring","category-relationships","category-remembering","category-resilience","category-thanksgiving","category-thanksgiving-or-gratefulness","tag-adulthood","tag-adulting","tag-curt-thompson","tag-dan-siegel","tag-esther-goldstein","tag-family","tag-friends","tag-monday-morning","tag-monday-morning-moment","tag-parenting-2","tag-regina-m-sullivan","tag-relationships","tag-safe","tag-secure","tag-seen","tag-show-up","tag-showing-up","tag-soothed","tag-thanksgiving","tag-tina-payne-bryson"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pauPAB-7AU","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=29196"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29196\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29207,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29196\/revisions\/29207"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=29196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=29196"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=29196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}