{"id":34430,"date":"2026-05-11T05:31:03","date_gmt":"2026-05-11T09:31:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/?p=34430"},"modified":"2026-05-11T05:31:27","modified_gmt":"2026-05-11T09:31:27","slug":"monday-morning-moment-the-addictive-nature-of-complaining-and-breaking-the-cycle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/debmillswriter.com\/?p=34430","title":{"rendered":"Monday Morning Moment – The Addictive Nature of Complaining and Breaking the Cycle"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Photo Credit: The Joy Within, Kyle Greenfield<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Could I be complaining about complaining? Not at all. Having already written about it twice before (and not counting my pieces on negative thinking), why revisit it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Complaining is bad for us. It actually rewires the brain into thinking our complaints are current reality. Whatever has riled us up in the recent (or not so recent) past stirs up cortisol excretion<\/a> (a stress hormone). Then as we process our complaint with a sympathetic listener, we actually then get a hit of dopamine<\/a>. This positive effect of complaining is the pathway to habit. In fact, the brain will default to complaining in the future, rather than positive problem-solving or exercising gratitude for the good over the bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If, however, our processing a complicated or stressful situation helps us to get to a positive solution, the brain responds accordingly. <\/strong>This should be much more satisfying than habitual complaining which is personally depressing as well as depressing to others. There are rewards in complaining if it engenders sympathy maybe or gets us out of responsibilities, but those “rewards” turn into negatives when complaining becomes habitual and drives people away. This is not to say complaining should be silenced. We need to process hard things. The problem with complaining is when it becomes the end-goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Psychological Harm of Complaining<\/em> – Bence Nanay Ph.D.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is quite sobering actually to consider all that’s written these days (see below) about the neurological changes that can come from repetitive behaviors, such as complaining. Fortunately, reversing this is possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

High Focus Centers<\/a> are treatment programs across multiple US states. Their focus is out-patient care for substance abuse and psychiatric disorders\/issues. The following is a substantive excerpt from their article on the addictive nature of complaining, its physiological and relational harm, and the benefit of shifting complaining to a healthier mindset in 5 steps<\/strong>. 5 steps! Worth the read and your consideration, if you struggle with complaining or love someone who does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The purpose of the complaint often isn\u2019t to fix anything…It\u2019s about drawing attention\u2014maybe to feel seen, validated or pitied. Over time, this loop of discomfort \u2192 complaint \u2192 attention can become addictive, providing a false sense of control, significance or identity…Victim mentality is a pattern of thinking where a person sees themselves as perpetually wronged by others or by life itself. They may believe they are ‘good’ or ‘right,’ and that any problem in their life is caused by other people who are ‘bad’ or ‘wrong.’..At its core, victim mentality keeps someone trapped in blame. It externalizes every challenge and prevents personal growth, because it shifts responsibility away from the self.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Just like substance use or compulsive behaviors, complaining can offer short-term relief. It may feel good to vent, to be validated or to be the center of concern. But over time, this habitual negativity can actually rewire the brain, reinforcing pessimism, resentment and passivity.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo Credit: ThinkLink<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s why complaining can feel addictive:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n