Category Archives: Lessons Learned

Culture & Religion, Give, Go, God, Inspired, Jesus, Lessons Learned, Lives Full of God, Persecuted Church, Pray, Walk with God, Word of God, Workplace or Marketplace

We Grieve Differently – We Grieve with Hope

August 19, 2014 admindeb 1 Comment

[Adapted with permission -Abby Wallace – Marketplace Advance]

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The news is almost more than we can bear. Violence, war, persecution, suffering, death, seeming hopelessness. We want to look away. Yet, we know we, as Christ-followers, are to confront such matters in ways different than the world. We cannot be silent or uninvolved. We cannot turn away.

Allow the encouragement through the Scripture below help you keep perspective, guard your hearts, and stay in the battle. Remember the battle belongs to the Lord, and we are His witnesses. There are not always words. Sometimes we can’t think of a thing to say to help…and yet, we are not to stand with our hands at our sides. We come near…reach in…take hold…we refuse to be put off by the world’s struggles. Jesus died for these embattled ones around us, and we are His people…meant to extend His love.

Through Christ, we have hope, and it’s ours to share. — But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. – 1 Thessalonians 4:13

The work He calls us to, we have the capacity to do. Somehow, as we obey, He lightens the burden. — Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

We are tempted to recoil from His work, to hide, to hope someone else will speak or act. He calls us as He called Joshua. Do we trust Him? –Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

His peace is what we bring to those around us. It makes a difference. — Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. – John 14:27

Our tendency is to turn our focus on the mess the world is in rather than on the One who is at work in the mess. He is present with us…and with those He’s brought near to us. — Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:6-8

We won’t understand what God is doing always, but we must persevere in prayer for those around us. — To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. – Psalm 13:1-5

As we persevere in prayer, God clears our vision and encourages us to keep trusting Him. — I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of destruction assailed me; the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.- Psalm 18:1-6

When hardship comes, and it will, He has given us great promises to take us through. Believe Him. — But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. – Isaiah 43:1-5

Our constancy of faith, singularity of purpose, and perseverence through trials are strengths we bring to the battle – to our circle of influence – we won’t give up on God. It’s not over yet. — Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14

An example of a life of faith in grief – Job — Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong. – Job 1:20-22

An example of a life of faith after grief – David — David therefore sought God on behalf of the child. And David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. And the elders of his house stood beside him, to raise him from the ground, but he would not, nor did he eat food with them. On the seventh day the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, “Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spoke to him, and he did not listen to us. How then can we say to him the child is dead? He may do himself some harm.” But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David understood that the child was dead. And David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” They said, “He is dead.”Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. He then went to his own house. And when he asked, they set food before him, and he ate. – 2 Samuel 12:16-20

Our example of a life of complete obedience and love – Jesus — Who has believed what he has heard from us? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. – Isaiah 53:1-12

As Christ-followers, we are His laborers in the Harvest – we are all His laborers. The marketplace wherever we are is crowded, even in times of war, with those who desperately need Him. – we are His workers; He will redeem. — When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.” – Matthew 9:36-38

Baptist Global Response

What Does the Bible Say About Grief and Sorrow

Culture & Religion, Lessons Learned, Persecuted Church, Pray, Walk with God

What We Owe Beheaded Children – I Have No Words – But Lend My Voice in Support of These – Praying

August 11, 2014 admindeb 1 Comment

[Used with Permission by Author Lori Stanley Roeleveld]

What unspeakable horror of which we must now speak.

So many headlines have bombarded my vision, my senses, my soul through my fifty plus years but this one, this one grabs my heart and tears it open like a gorilla at a bag of chips.

ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and Syria) is reportedly slaughtering Christians and doing it with the intent to horrify others into converting to Islam before they find their own necks touched by a callous blade. They film their barbaric acts, televised terrorism, which includes ravaging women and beheading children.

I won’t go on. But it begs the question – what do we owe beheaded children, crucified men, and tortured women?

We can’t unknow what is being reported. We can’t jump in planes and gather the children, their parents, their broken bodies in our arms. We also cannot allow the darkness to cripple us with fear, sadness, or hatred. These are the weapons of darkness, not light, and if we yield to them, we kneel before the same idol as the terrorists. So, what do we owe those who fall?

First, we owe them to bear witness to the crimes against them. As horrible as it is to know that children are being beheaded, we dishonor them by hiding our faces in the sand. This is part of the pain of the end times, bearing witness to the horror. Still, the suffering of hearing these unpleasant truths pales in comparison to the suffering of those who must live it but this is our pain, the pain of being witnesses who refuse to turn away.

If we turn away and refuse to know, we aid the enemy in their efforts, we tell the victims they die alone, unnoticed, we say to the world we are cowed by evil. Only by the strength available in Christ can our eyes remain open but open they shall remain. We won’t blindfold ourselves.

Second, we owe them to live lives worthy of Jesus Christ. Every five-year-old who falls by the sword should be a reminder to us that God has shown us grace simply by choosing the land in which we were born. That might have been our child. It might have been us. It should magnify our gratitude. It should galvanize our desire to live life to the fullest. In the name of these babies slaughtered, we can refuse to take our own lives in Christ for granted. We can live out the freedom granted us by the eternal lives blazing within us like a thousand suns. We owe these ones who have been robbed of life to not waste a moment of ours.

Third, we can refuse to pick up the weapons of darkness – fear, hatred, bloodshed, rage, and violence – but instead, wield the weapons at our disposal in Jesus Christ. We will learn to battle on our knees, moving the forces of heaven with our prayers. We will force back the darkness by aiming our light in its direction. We will refuse to remain ignorant, blind, and silent. We will not stand idly by but neither will we engage them on the field of their choosing. We will force them to fight where they are destined to lose – in the realm of the kingdom of God. Do you know prayer warriors? Apprentice with them. Ask them to teach you to battle in prayer. Build up your endurance for the long siege to come.

Fourth and finally, we can prepare for the time to come. Those who have fallen in the name of Jesus will wake to see His face. If they could speak to us from beyond, they would say “Be ready. Strengthen your hearts, your minds, your souls in Christ Jesus for the day they paint the mark on your door, for the day they aim the sword at your throat, for the day they come to slay your children.”

Know the One in whose name you pray and for whose name they were cut down. For even as the soil of Iraq and Syria absorbs their shed blood, their spirits are entering the kingdom of Christ where pain and suffering are no more. Those who struck them down have no hope unless they repent and call on the name of Christ to be saved. Those who struck them down are already dead, but we are alive forever. Know God’s word. Rid your life of sin and fear. Listen to God and move forward in faith when He speaks.

I know that some of you, loved ones, are more sensitive and tenderhearted than others. I know this is hard. It’s painful to bear witness and awful to hear of these atrocities. Jesus Christ will make us strong. He will make us able to bear up – those who face the sword and those left to wrestle with the knowledge of their violent deaths. He is with us all.

Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For, “Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” Hebrews 10:35-39 (ESV)

What do we owe beheaded children? We owe them to live for the One in whose name they died.

This is a time to share our courage and strength. How else can we battle for those who have fallen? What scripture passages shall we pray? What news outlets are most reliable? Let’s share what we know here in the comments so we can act when we can, pray with wisdom, and support those who still live in the path of the blade.

We need to encourage one another, loved ones. Are you in for company along the narrow road? Click on the bar above that says “I’m in” and learn how to be a part of our little band of followers or Click Here to subscribe or contact me. Mercy and grace, Lori

**People are messaging me about sharing this post – yes, everyone has my permission to share this post, copy it and post it, send it through email, use the buttons at the bottom of the post to share through social media, etc. I’m sure you’ll all credit it back to this site but what is most important is spreading the message contained in the words. My prayer is that God uses them for His glory and for the building up of His church. Lori

Family, God, Home, Lessons Learned, Marriage, Transitions, Walk with God

30 Years Married – a Walk with God as Much as With Each Other

August 3, 2014 admindeb 4 Comments

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. – Colossians 3:15-20

How can we be as young as we are and be married 30 years? Maybe we don’t seem so young to others…but these years seem to have zoomed by. The flight of years shows in our bodies and minds, but for us, it is most apparent in the launch of adult children into their own lives and marriages. Then…it comes back to just the two of us.

Our marriage has never been the stuff that draws much interest on Instagram or even Facebook. My husband and I married best friends. We were polar opposites in most ways, except our faith and being raised in Southern families. He was “read and follow directions” marrying “fly by the seat of her pants.” It was definitely a match made in Heaven because we would need the God of Heaven to keep us on course as we figured marriage out…both without and, later, with children.

I’ve often quoted Elisabeth Elliot on love and marriage. Two thoughts come to mind. She speaks of love as being a “laid-down life.” She also talks of marriage as being good for Christians to mature in their walk with God, because [in marriage] “there’s so much scope for sinning.” My husband has taught me a lot in both of these areas, and I, him – hopefully more on the lines of laying down our lives for each other, rather than the scope for sinning part…sigh.

Whatever these thirty years have produced with us together, the best of it has been 3 great young people (and the extra children who’ve joined our family through them, so far). Alongside of them is the unalterable way the Lord has knit us together, my husband and me, with each other and with Him.

I have no idea what is ahead, except for what is promised through God’s Word. Whatever is ahead, I am so grateful for what I’ve learned through this man who married me 30 years ago. He has given me a face of one who does not give up, of one who fights for what is right, of one who is tender toward the weak, of one who loves no matter what. I have been both the recipient of this and the one on his side as he extends himself to others.

Now, we are two again…as in the beginning of our relationship. Yet we are at a very different place. God has shown Himself to be ever-present in all these years of our lives. He’s given me exactly what I needed in this husband of mine – a man as true as steel in his walk with God and with his family. We count on him; he counts on God. Whatever happens out there in front of us…I have peace, on this eve of our 30th. anniversary that God will be there for each of us, to show us how to live…as He has in all these years thus far.

Through the Years – YouTube video of Kenny Rogers Ballad

Brad Hambrick – Great Marriage & Family Counselor – Helps Online

Sacred Marriage – What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy – by Gary Thomas – Such a great book!

An example of Elisabeth Elliot’s counsel to one marrying – Always forgive.

Elisabeth Elliot Quotes

Culture & Religion, God, Inspired, Lessons Learned, Life Skills, Walk with God

Amazing Grace – On the Edge of Our Seats – Will She Remember?

August 2, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

Children’s programs at church have such a wide scope of experience for the persons in the congregation. Depending on the choral leaders and the sound capabilities of the church, special music done by children can be almost professional. Or they can be…something altogether otherwise. Still, it’s a good opportunity for children to get up there and bring a Gospel message, of a sort, and hone the life skill (?) of performing in front of people. And make their parents proud. I’ve been among those parents. Now I’m enjoying the musical adventures of other parents’ children until the coming of grandchildren who will mesmerize me with their musical giftings.

For now, I want to tell you a story of young girl who was handed a mic on a Sunday night at a church where my husband was to speak. This story came to my remembrance after watching a video from my Facebook feed. Sometimes I regret clicking on these videos for all the time burned watching them. This one was different – a little girl singing Amazing Grace with a voice mature beyond her years and a poise also of a strikingly older girl as well.

Not so with the girl in my story. She walked up to the podium with more courage than poise. She was a 5th or 6th grader, lacking the fashion-sense of an older middle schooler. Thin, a bit thrown-together in her clothing choices, and her hair a little wild in someone’s harried attempt to bring it under control for this occasion.

I was cringing a little as the minister of music handed her the mic and positioned her on the stage. It had the feel of a darling little girl who might have asked for this opportunity, not having proved herself previously, but a decision based on kindness. Now, her eyes were wide with the reality of the moment.

She sang without benefit of words before her…and actually sang fairly well through the first two verses of Amazing Grace. Her face was expression-less as she stared out into the congregation (maybe having had the coaching of “just look at heads, not faces” to still any fear she might have had).

“Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believ’d!”

And then came the third memory-making verse…she sang the first two lines as she’d sung the previous verses. Standing straight, with her little shoulders squared, staring with resolve into the audience:

“Thro’ many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;”

And then she stopped. Frozen. It was obvious she could not, for the life of her, remember what came next.

Probably every adult in that church knew what words came next. This song has been a part of church tradition for centuries. We know this song. I think every one of us sat up, leaned forward, and did all we could to will those words back in her mind. Some of us might have even prayed for her. I was searching the front of the church for her parents, a teacher, the minister of music. If there were any mouthing the words for her, she did not see them – her eyes transfixed on the crowd in front of her.

And then, after what seemed an eternity, with no observable change at all in her face or posture, she found the words:

‘Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

Glory! A collective sense of relief washed over the people. And right then, if not before, we worshipped. In fact, I have probably not experienced any more rich a moment of corporate worship as when those words tumbled out of her mouth.

It’s grace. All grace really…that brings us safe thus far. And grace will lead us home.

I honestly can’t remember if she sang the last verse alone…or if we joined her. Whichever it was, with tears in many of our eyes, we silently or loudly, sang the rest with her. This little girl, with a mic, and a moment of grand deliverance. Thanks be to God.

“When we’ve been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.”

YouTube of little girl singing Amazing Grace

Short Documentary on the Story Behind the Song Amazing Grace

The complete verses of Amazing Grace by John Newton

Wikipedia article on Amazing Grace (with lyrics)

God, Home, Inspired, Jesus, Lessons Learned, Lives Full of God, Uncategorized, Walk with God, Word of God

At Home with God – Abiding in Him

August 1, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

“And now, little children, abide in Him.” – 1 John 2:28

Home. Hopefully that brings happy thoughts to you. I grew up in a home wounded by desertion and divorce, but it was also the place and family where I met Jesus. My husband and I have made a home for our children across 4 countries. One way we told them they might answer the “Where’s home?” question was to say wherever our family was at the time. Now they all have their own homes. So, in truth, where is our home?

The word “abide” means simply “remain, stay.” A small group of women I love is studying John’s epistles this summer. “Abiding” was one of the themes. Last night we talked through 1 John 2. John also wrote, in his Gospel, the familiar “vine and branch” chapter on abiding in Christ (John 15). Remaining in Christ…

As followers of Christ, children of the Father, where else would we go?

One of the young women in the study talked about how abiding in Christ is being at home with God. It’s so true. We make our abode in Him. How appropriate…the place where “a light is always on”…the place where we are loved and accepted, where we’re taught truth, where we are family.

There, truly, is no place like home. Abiding in Christ…at home with God. Even in the deepest darkness of life…there is light in Him.

John Piper’s Sermon on John 8:31 on Abiding in Him

6 Ways to Abide in God

What Does It Mean to Abide in Christ?

Sinclair Ferguson’s word on Abiding in Christ

Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray

Abiding in Him in the Last Days – article by John Piper

Bookmarked Summer, Books, Culture & Religion, Inspired, Lessons Learned, Transitions

Bookmarked Summer – The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

July 31, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

Summer…So many thoughts flood our mind at the mention of the word. Longer days. No more school (usually). Family vacation. Road trips. Reunions. Abundant fruits and vegetables. Cookouts. For our family, all the years our children were in school, wherever we were in the world, summer also meant a reading program. We always got a head-start on the books in their next reading level. That may sound like punishment, but it wasn’t. We all gained from each other’s reading. New characters, new places, mysteries and adventures, history unknown to us until we read about it in these books. Our summers were always marked by whatever we were reading – bookmarked.

The summer reading program is behind us all, but we still have an avid reader in our daughter. She continues to introduce our family to lovely stories, and such was the case with this strange-titled little book – The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.

Written by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows (an aunt and her niece), this little book is a historical fiction with some of the confounding twists of plot reminiscent of Jane Austen novels. This story is set in England, in 1946, shortly after the end of World War II. It focuses on the correspondence of a young writer, Juliet Ashton, and various people in her life, including her publisher, a childhood friend, a suitor, and a group of book club members on Guernsey Island.

During World War II, the tactical decision was made that the Channel Islands could not be protected from the Germans and therefore left on their own. They were occupied for most of the war by the German military. In fact, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society emerged in this isolated hardship situation.

“We clung to books and to our friends; they reminded us that we had another part to us.”

Through an odd turn of events, Juliet struck up a friendship with one of the island dwellers, and that friendship grew to include all of the remaining book club members as well as some of the other less literary islanders.

“It was so kind of you to write to me about your experiences during the Occupation. At the war’s end, I, too, promised myself that I had done with talking about it. I had talked and lived war for six years, and I was longing to pay attention to something – anything – else. But that is like wishing I were someone else. The war is now the story of our lives, and there’s no subtracting it.”

Through the letters between Juliet and her new-found friends, she was so moved by how they survived the German occupation, that she arranged a visit to Guernsey. The visit became a lengthy stay and her life was changed forever.

Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows*

I loved this story. Historical fiction has never been my favorite because the details (intertwining the history of the period with the characters) usually wear me out in the reading. This story engaged my mind and heart so well that I could smell the salt air and feel the sea mist in my hair. Yet, the terror of war coupled with the consolation of friendship became as real as if I were there in that moment. It surprises me that Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows are not English (Mrs. Shaffer is from West Virginia) because they crafted the story as if it happened to them. It was deeply personal to them. Some of the beauty of the book could have come out of their love for each other, as Mrs. Shaffer’s failing health required Annie to finish the book for them both (published in 2008, after Mary Ann Shaffer died). What a legacy for them together…

The picture below is the first page of the book.

It alludes to the curious way Juliet Ashton, the leading character of the book, came into the lives of the Guernsey islanders. My daughter recommending this book to me in the long days of this summer gave me a similar experience. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society has marked not only my summer, but my life.

There is still time…don’t miss this book this summer. If you’ve had the pleasure of reading it, you know what I’m talking about.

“That’s what I love about reading: one tiny thing will interest you in a book, and that tiny thing will lead you onto another book, and another bit there will lead you onto a third book. It’s geometrically progressive—all with no end in sight, and for no other reason than sheer enjoyment.”

Guernsey Occupation

Fact File: Channel Islands Invaded

Telling the Truth about the Channel Islands Cost Me My Friends

Short Video about the book featuring author Annie Barrows

Goodreads Quotes from the book

*Photo Credit – www.anniebarrows.com

Family, Lessons Learned, Marriage, Walk with God, Workplace or Marketplace

Your Work Matters to God: Staying on Course Through Life’s Seasons

July 25, 2014 admindeb 1 Comment

Being a nurse was my ambition since childhood. I would wake up from dreams of helping at some accident scene or comforting a wounded soldier fresh from the battlefield. Those dreams, though wildly romantic at the time, actually preceded real life situations as time passed. Nursing became a platform for a career full of purpose and meaning. I completed my formal nursing education with a Master’s in Medical-Surgical Nursing, with a concentration in Cancer Nursing. My grand idea of going out and changing the world was rapidly unfolding.

Fast-forward to a decade later. Married and pregnant with our second child, I had my feet firmly planted in two worlds. One was nursing, and the other was being a wife and mom. We were living in a mid-sized town, and I was the clinical nursing specialist for a highly regarded cancer center. It was some of the most rewarding work of my life – to be a part of a great group of nurses and serving patients and families in intense situations. It was a consummately gratifying work season for me.

In fact, just as I was nearing the time of delivery of my little one, the president of the medical center called me in asked if I would consider being the director of the cancer center. It was an offer of a lifetime.

My husband did not think so. While I was intoxicated with all the feelings of approval and appreciation from that job offer (some of that could have been my pregnancy hormones), he helped me come to my senses. From the beginning of our marriage, we had worked out the values we wanted as a family. We would be judicious in our finances and he would work toward my being able to stay home with our children. I wanted this as much as he did…in the beginning. When we had our first child however, I was still so in love with my career that I managed to cajole him into agreeing with my continuing to work outside the home 20 hours a week.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love our daughter completely; I did with all my heart. Mothering and keeping a home, however, were much harder for me than any challenge I faced at work. One component of that was the whole team aspect of my workplace. We sorted out things together. I loved that. At home, far from our families, I felt very much alone with figuring out things, facing my inadequacies and insecurities at raising a child. In reality, God was always there; once I corrected my focus, I experienced Him there.

When we conceived our second child, my husband and I had re-visited our commitments to family. We had again decided that this time around I would stay home with our two precious ones. This time, I wasn’t going to look back. Then this job offer came along. My husband’s reply that I remember to this day was, “Ask him if he had a mother.”

So…I said no to that job, and yes to homemaking and fulltime mothering for the too short season it turned out to be. Not every woman reading this has had that opportunity, and I understand. What I came away with was two careers, both of which, once I embraced that each has its season, have been sources of great joy. Someone else can direct the business of a cancer center. I had the opportunity to mother our kiddos fulltime, and I’m thankful God gave me that season at home with them.

Family, Lessons Learned, Life Skills, Marriage

A Study of Love

July 25, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

“Love is a laid down life.” – Elisabeth Elliott

For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son… – John 3:16

Kindness may be giving up your seat for someone else. Love is always choosing a different chair than his favorite for all of your lives, without thinking a second thought about it.

Courtesy may mean asking after someone’s health. Love is hanging onto every detail about her health, her day, her hopes, her dreams.

Patience is waiting for him to finish the story you’ve already heard. Love is listening to that story a hundred times over just for the joy he gets in telling it again.

Honesty is never lying to each other. Love is being able to be completely yourself, knowing she will treat who you are and all that’s going on in your life with keen interest and gentleness and confidence that you will be the same with her.

Helpfulness is taking out the garbage. Love is taking out the garbage, washing the dishes, ironing the shirts, cutting the grass, washing the car, cleaning the toilet, and a thousand other chores because they are part of your life together…and you each know what the other would rather not have to do.

Mercy is not asking for too hard a thing from the other. Love is dealing gently with the weaknesses and lapses of the other, not holding him to task on what you know is very difficult for him.

Cooperation means you can work together toward a common goal. Love is being willing to spend a lifetime together working on those dreams you share, not satisfied with just meeting your own personal goals.

Reasonableness is not having too high expectations. Love is seeing in her all she is capable of and giving her confidence to reach for it.

Playfulness is making good times with whomever is around. Love is making him laugh on a tough day or turning a disagreement into something lighter and less painful because he matters more than being right.

Hospitality is offering a beverage to your guest. Love is bringing him coffee every morning of your lives together, knowing just how he likes it, and glad you’re the one bringing it.

Generosity is bringing lunch to your whole work team. Love is packing a special lunch every single day.

Handiness is being useful in various challenging situations. Love is picking up new skills for his sake so you can help him with the increasing number of chores that come with life.

Respect is giving honor to a person who earns it because of position or capabilities. Love is giving honor no matter the cost.

Bravery is putting yourself at risk for someone else. Love is protecting her by locking up the house at night and by putting her interests ahead of your own, whatever it takes.

Loyalty is being there for your friend. Love is being there for always, whatever happens, no matter what.

We can all experience the best from others, in terms of character or behavior. Love, however, is much more than a display of good character. It’s more than a commitment. It’s a choosing moment by moment to focus on the other, to see the good in the other, to hope for the best for him, to do what you can for her to relieve the burden, to stand together, to always pull from the same end of the rope.

Photo credit: Byron Foltz

Leaving It with God

Culture & Religion, Lessons Learned, Life Skills, Transitions, Travel

Stop…and Then Go – Connect with Internationals

July 22, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

For many years, our family lived overseas. When work takes people out of their home countries into other cultures, we can embrace the experience or insulate ourselves from the experience. I loved living overseas. The people who invited us into their lives were some of the kindest, most generous people we’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Our family tried to live very intentionally, learning all we could about the ebb and flow of life of each new culture and what mattered to the people there.

Our friendships grew deep, even when we didn’t share the same religion or the same traditions, we lived life alongside each other. We learned from them and they learned from us. Now, working back in the U.S., I find that we’re on the flip-side of that experience. We have many, many internationals living in our city, and some are our friends. They are here for school or for work or for refuge from war or other disasters. Just as local people overseas reached out to us with help and hospitality, we want to reach out to these internationals who are now our neighbors here.

Rachel Pieh Jones, in her blog Djibouti Jones, lists out 20 things expats should stop doing if they are going to really thrive in their host countries (where they’re currently working or studying). I was intrigued by this list and saw how some of Rachel Jones’ observations would be helpful when applied here, by us in our home countries. Out of her list of 20 “stop’s” – things to stop doing in order to make a foreign place more your home – I adapted 10 (with her permission) to help us be less “foreign” to internationals/immigrants – those who are among us gradually making this country their home (even for a season). As we are willing to stretch out our lives to truly welcome internationals in, we can help make it possible for them to feel at home here (for a season…or a lifetime).

10 Things We Should Stop Doing if We Desire to Build Relationships with Internationals

Stop complaining. We complain a lot, and often about first world problems. We also too often complain about peoples of other nationalities (both those in our home country and in their own). If we truly desire to demonstrate the love of Christ to them, we look for what is good (about our own country, and theirs). Focus on what is good about both their country and our own. Look for the common denominators that build bridges.
Stop putting off language learning. You may not have any ambition about learning another language, and for sure, most internationals living here for school or work are doing what they can to master English. Still it is a delight for any of us to hear even a few words in our own language. Rachel Jones talks about the great impact you can have by learning even a few words: “Make their day by putting in the time, effort, and laughter to honor their language.”
Stop hanging out with only other Americans. Internationals, and especially immigrants, will find each other, and tend to also gather just among themselves. However, if you reach out to a neighbor or colleague or fellow student, you will, more often than not, be well-received. Strike up a conversation and gently ask questions about them and their country and their culture. You may be opening the door to a friendship beneficial to you both. Visit your new international neighbor (bearing in mind possible cultural constraints, but don’t let those keep you from extending hospitality). Are there immigrant vendors/proprietors in your neighborhood? Call them by name. “Celebrate holidays with gusto”, Jones says, (both yours and theirs).
Stop your addiction to social media. There’s a lot to be said about what we gain from social media. Eventually, however, to really engage with international/immigrant neighbors or coworkers, you have to get up, go out, and meet them where they are. Just this week I celebrated the discovery of an authentic Japanese noodle restaurant with a young Japanese friend. She just graduated from her university here and, with no family in the US, we celebrated together as family.
Stop taking yourself so seriously. To pursue cross-cultural relationships, you will make mistakes and sometimes misunderstand social cues from an international friend. You will make mistakes, sure, but your friend knows your heart. People who don’t make mistakes in international relationships simply don’t have them..at least at any deep, constant level.
Stop ignoring beggars. This may seem a strange point in this list. Rachel Jones’ family has made their second home in a very impoverished African country. If you live in a US city, you have probably encountered beggars. They are most probably Americans, not internationals. Still beggars are found in most cultures. How to respond to beggars is a challenge for us all. It may be a case-by-case decision, but seek the Lord about a Biblical response to beggars. Beggars remind us all of how Jesus said, “The poor you will always have with you.” Your immigrant/international friends will take note of how you respond to beggars. In her blog, Jones said, “That doesn’t mean to start giving to them; decide your own convictions on that. But look at them and talk to them. Ask their names and listen to their stories.”
Stop ignoring the international press and international events[observed locally]. To often we focus on the news reports that only affect us. As you develop friendships with internationals, seek out news items that affect them or their families back home. Participate in their cultural events or festivals when possible.
Stop shopping only at the more high-end stores. Of course, there are internationals who are very wealthy and shop in those stores, too. This is just to keep in mind for the others in your lives. Find where your immigrant friends shop and how they manage to feed and clothe their families. You may learn how to better, or more creatively, do the same for your own family.
Stop being afraid. Examine your heart about what makes you afraid of being in the lives of internationals. Is it the language difference? Their culture? Are you afraid you might offend? Or you afraid a friendship might be too time-consuming? Or will it become awkward if they need jobs or a visa? Or is it an issue of love – you are not even sure how you feel about them being here? With God’s help, deal with the fear and allow Him to work in your heart to build bridges, rather than walls.
Stop thinking you can solve the(ir) country’s problems. I heard a very strange news report this week that enemy nations were accusing each other of killing their own people and blaming the other side. We live in strange times, and it’s difficult to know really who to believe about politics or the world’s problems. We all have opinions about how nations can improve the situation for their peoples, but very few of us are in a position to make that happen. Praying and loving, in Jesus’ name, are our best tools to help our friends as they look back “home” and long for things to be better there.

A Bonus: Rachel Pieh Jones ended her list of 20 Stops with:

20. Stop forgetting to call your mom. Good advice for us all.

I hope you found this helpful. Jones’ blog for expats reminded me of how we’re all pilgrims on this journey. Whatever we can do to help and understand each other will make community for people who very much need community…and in demonstrating the love of Jesus to these immigrants/internationals, they gain much more than just our friendship.

20 Things Expats Need to Stop Doing