Category Archives: Monday Morning Moment

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Jesus and Holy Week – Day 2 – Monday – Jesus Curses a Fig Tree and Turns Over Tables

March 30, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: Fig Tree by Bob Orchard

[Adapted from the Archives]

On the next day, when they had left Bethany, He became hungry. Seeing at a distance a fig tree in leaf, He went to see if perhaps He would find anything on it; and when He came to it, He found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs. He said to it, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again!” – Mark 11:12-14

When Jesus woke on Monday morning, after that glorious Sunday entering Jerusalem…I wonder what he thought. Did he know that, in just four days, he would be crucified? Whew…

Back to Monday:

During that week in Jerusalem, Jesus and his disciples spent the nights with friends in Bethany, two miles outside of the city. Each morning, they would walk into Jerusalem. On that Monday morning, just four days prior to his crucifixion, Jesus became hungry on the walk in. Seeing a leafy fig tree, he looked for fruit. With fig trees, where there are leaves, there should be figs. Since green figs are edible, and it wasn’t yet harvest season, there should still be some fruit on the tree.

When he found no figs, Jesus cursed the tree. This seems out of character for Jesus, until his action is put in the context of his culture and community. Throughout his public ministry, especially as he became more known and revered, the Jewish religious leaders held him in contempt.

Jesus’ teaching of our dependence on God’s righteousness and not our own flew in the face of the Pharisaical teaching of the day – that of strict adherence to Jewish law as the only hope of finding favor with God. For Jesus, the leafy barren fig tree must have been a picture of religious Jews of that day, all flash and finery but no fruit of faith.

“Christ’s single miracle of Destruction, the withering of the fig-tree, has proved troublesome to some people, but I think its significance is plain enough. The miracle is an acted parable, a symbol of God’s sentence on all that is ‘fruitless’ and specially, no doubt, on the official Judaism of that age. That is its moral significance.” – C. S. Lewis

Jesus was left still physically hungry. He remained spiritually hungry as well – for this people of the Book to receive the good news that the Messiah had come.

Finally, arriving back in Jerusalem, Jesus was deeply troubled by what he found inside the Temple. The crowds of Passover pilgrims did not disturb him, but temple grounds turned marketplace did. In this sanctified place, meant only for worship, there were money-changers and sellers of animals for sacrifice, right in the Court of the Gentiles – in the only place where non-Jewish God-believers could worship.

Photo Credit: ScreenRant, from the TV show *The Chosen*

Jesus entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves. And He said to them, “It is written, ‘MY HOUSE SHALL BE CALLED A HOUSE OF PRAYER’; but you are making it a ROBBERS’ DEN.” – Matthew 21:12-13

Photo Credit: “*Expulsion of the Moneychangers from the Temple*” by Luca Giordano

Often in film depictions of Jesus cleansing the temple, he appears a crazed individual, flailing about, throwing tables and flinging pigeons into the air. I can’t even imagine him that way. We can’t know how it happened except that in Jesus’ anger, he did not sin. He would not sin. I know the Jesus Film is just another director’s film rendering, but in this scene, Jesus showed considerable restraint. Disturbed at the buying and selling that actually kept believing Gentiles from worshiping, he moved to correct the situation. He was unafraid of the temple officials, burning with zeal for his Father to be truly worshiped in that place.

Zeal for Your house has consumed me, And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me. – Psalm 69:9

Later in the week, he himself would be the one for sale – sold for 30 pieces of silver, betrayed by one of his own disciples, to satisfy the wrath of the religious leaders. That story is for another day.

This Holy Monday, we are drawn again to this Messiah who teaches us that the way we live our lives matters but not more than the way we relate to God. He makes space for us…room for all of us to receive Him. He is holy, and in His righteousness, we stand…on solid ground.

The Final Days of Jesus – Andreas J. Kostenberger & Justin Taylor

YouTube Video with Lyrics of In Christ Alone by Stuart Townend & Keith Getty

Reasoning Why Jesus Cursed the Fig Tree

Monday of Holy Week

Why Did Jesus Get Angry in the Temple – Understanding Righteous Indignation

Cleansing the Court of the Gentiles

Jesus Film Media – website & app to watch videos

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Monday Moment Morning – How Can We Keep From Hating?

January 19, 2026 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: Heartlight

This weekend, we in the State of Virginia had our governor’s inauguration. It was another occasion of either relief and elation or concern and consternation. Our state and nation remains polarized in so many ways.

Can we disagree politically, philosophically, or ideologically…without hating each other?

We are in a season of hating or aligning with whole people groups. Maybe, in all of history, we have such seasons. A season where, if we aren’t careful, we hate a whole group of people or we love that same group, thereby putting us in grave opposition to the “haters”. At least, the news and social media platforms are telling us this is the case.

Whole people groups – be they Somalis, Afghans, Republicans, Democrats, Jews, Evangelical Christians. Whole people groups.

How can we keep from hating?

Maybe an even more core question: do we even want to keep from hating? What do we think is gained by hating another or a group of others?

Oddly, hating people can feel good. We feel justified in hating. Even morally superior. The dilemma here is that hating begets hating. Neuroplasticity is the process in our brain where negative thoughts, and resulting actions, become hard-wired, having a negative impact on our physical and mental health over time.

The Neuroscience of Hate: Why It Feels Good to Be Angry

The Power of Hate and Its Consequences – Andrew Mathews

I don’t want to simplify or downplay the reasons one might have to hate, but the devastating effects of it in our culture, community, families (and in our own brains) are worth taking a step back and considering.

Briefly, here are some actions to consider:

Call to mind the possibility that I hate someone/some peoples. “Check your heart” is a common refrain in my life. If I’m honest, are there persons/people whose actions, or personalities, offend me? Do my speech and attitude betray my hatred? Does this hatred feel justified? If so, do I give myself a pass for feeling such a strong negative emotion?
Consider what is below the surface of my hatred. Do I consider what I feel to be righteous anger? Is it righteous if it moves me toward hatred? In defending the rights of one group of people against another, am I committing the same injustice toward “the offending group” as I see being directed to the one I care more about? Or is fear what stirs me to hate? Or unfairness? We can have any number of reasons to hate. Addressing those reasons (with help, if necessary), brings our hatred more into the light. It doesn’t mean that we don’t seek change in the culture, but with greater care, compassion, and even empathy.
Seek understanding by leaning in to persons whose groups we are tempted to hate. Real, flesh-and-blood, face-to-face conversations can soften our tendency to hate. Asking questions, listening with care, resisting the temptation to argue, leaving the door open for understanding. This is a huge step toward stopping the hate. For those who pray, beginning to pray for that person can grease the tracks for you to love them – pray for her/his needs to be met, for protection and peace, for paths forward that don’t further divide us.

Photo Credit: QuoteFancy, Margaret Walker

8 Ideas for Managing Hatred – Michael Karson, Ph.D., J.D. – Psychology Today

4. Recognize that hating what is evil is different than hating people. Hatred dehumanizes people. Remember the persons with whom we disagree have children, parents, jobs, their own hopes, fears and strivings – just like us. They may even have a faith similar to ours…but the issue has overcome us/them and has pushed itself into paramount position. Extinguishing civility. We may actually agree on a wrong, if we acknowledge that we’re all trying to sort out the right path forward.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

5. For those of us who are believers, we have no leave to hate. For Christians, we are called by Christ Jesus to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:44). When hating becomes a habit, especially of a particular people group, we lose our way. Thinking it is almost our duty to hate. We have to guard against self-deceit.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Peter D. Kaufman, brilliant and highly successful businessman, gives wise counsel in this for all of us: “Go positive and go first, and be constant in doing it.” Determine to love, resist hating, don’t wait for the other person, and in every conversation and encounter, be constant in this effort.

The Multi-disciplinary Approach to Thinking – Peter Kaufman

Young businessman, world-changer Mitchell Wilson recalls Kaufman’s use of the phrase mirrored reciprocation. How this applies is when we engage others with love, listening as we seek understanding, being gentle where we disagree, we often get the same responses in return.

Wilson writes: “Peter doesn’t go into this in his speech [above], but I can’t help but think of Jesus’s core teachings that relate to the principle of mirrored reciprocation:

Love your neighbor as yourself
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Forgive those who trespass against you
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy
Turn the other cheek”

Mirrored Reciprocation: Peter Kaufman’s Profoundly Simple Insight That Helps You Achieve An Enjoyable Life | Blog

6. Don’t give up on developing the habit of loving instead of hating. This is definitely a spiritual disciple and a habit worthy of pursuing. Peter Kaufman also has counsel, from his talk above The most powerful force that could be potentially harnessed is dogged incremental constant progress over a very long time frame. We are going to have to fight against hating, especially if we have allowed it to take up real estate in our minds. However, as with anything worth mastering, the work needed to keep from hating will yield its fruit…if we don’t give up.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

[This blog was inspired by recent, terrible events in our country and also by the sermon at Movement Church yesterday. Our pastor Cliff unpacked Matthew 5:38-42 (YouTube video linked; image below) about showing radical love by resisting retaliation. Can’t wait for his sermon next week on “Love your Enemies” which may end up inspiring a Part 2 on this topic. Hope you stay with me for that one.]

Photo Credit: Heartlight

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Monday Morning Moment – Offense Revisited

January 12, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

[Adapted from the Archives – Monday Morning Moment – Offense, Being Offended, and Taking Up Offense]

Processing thoughts on the difficult subject of offending and being offended, a song drifts into my hearing from Dave’s office. He is riding his bike (on a trainer) to a playlist that matches his ride (slow/fast/slow). This particular song pounding into my head is rock band The Eagles‘ Get Over It. [Dave will also pull that song up on the occasion he recognizes he’s having a pity party.]

I’ve had some great friends in my life who have spoken reason to me in times when something said or done to me (or to someone I cared about) offended. “Get over it!” was actually a helpful “slap” into reality for me. Reminds me of that old commercial, “Thanks! I needed that.”

The motivation for this piece is walking alongside people I love who have been deeply offended and don’t see a way to get past it. Offenses are hard, especially if they seem intentional.

We still have a choice. We can choose not to be offended…whether it felt the seeming offense was directed toward us or we are tempted to take up offense for another.

Author Desirée M. Mondesir writes a “slap to the face” piece on our culture’s move to looking for and taking up offense. It’s especially fascinating to me because she refers to a student revolt at Yale University. Having taught there years ago, I can see this gradual evolution from reason to riot. It’s a stunning change in society and we are none immune to it.

A Sign of the Last Days – Offense – Desirée M. Mondesir

Mondesir refers to this cultural shift as being a sign of end times.

“And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved.” – Jesus – Matthew 24:10-13

Sure sounds like today’s culture, in the US anyway.

Writer and counselor John Bevere has written a fascinating book on offense entitled The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense. The title put me off at first but in reading it, the whole issue of offense is highlighted as something that turns us inward and keeps us from healthy relationships with one another and with God. When you think about it, Eve, in the first pages of the Torah/Old Testament [Genesis 3:2-7], was the first of humankind to act in offense. In her conversation with the Serpent tempter, she reacted to the Serpent’s suggestion, questioning the instruction (and the goodness) of God. To me, it demonstrates her taking offense that she would be drawn into Satan’s ruse. Even acting in rebellion, presuming God didn’t mean good toward her. She decided for herself to eat from the tree (the one tree God had forbidden), and the consequences of her choosing continue to today.

What could Eve have done differently? She could have trusted God’s heart toward her. If she fell into doubt (through Satan’s cunning argument), she could have sought out the Creator first before she acted on a lie.

When Eve acted in this way, and took the bait, we can see how we, too, can be drawn in – becoming disoriented by someone’s words or deeds, and forgetting what is really the truth of the matter. Our emotions fly away with us, and we bind ourselves in the chains of offense.

Joe Levi puts it this way:

“Someone else cannot “offend” you – however, you can choose whether or not to take offense at something someone says or does.

Someone else cannot make you mad, happy, sad, or offended – you, and you alone can control how you react to the world around you.

Learn and apply that one relatively simple lesson, and you’ll be much happier in life.”

We may not be able to choose our immediate emotion over a word or action perceived as against us, but we can develop a habit or discipline to determine NOT to take offense.

Currently, the news media is having a hey-day with sound-bytes and interviews hand-picked to incite offense.

We can choose not to take the bait.

Photo Credit: Quote Fancy, Bryant Mcgill

As for personal situations, people who offend do not always mean to offend. [I don’t say this lightly. Of course, there are those who do. I also am not talking about abuse here. That is a whole other topic, but the principles still apply.] No one knows truly what’s inside us that gives us struggle, not even ourselves. Like the Mcgill quote states, it’s only in our response that we discover that which is still unresolved. Reacting in self-defense or in counter-attack mode brings more hurt. “Hurt people hurt people.” With practice, I can determine not to carry hurt away from a conversation or interaction.

In situations between two people, we can choose not to be offended, but how do we deal with the offense?

Advisor Charles H. Green describes the offender and the offended. He gives excellent counsel in his article Being Offensive vs. Being Offended – and Trust:

The offender communicates disrespect. A social violation occurs. Two people are involved and the resolution of that interaction requires input from both of them. When the one offended determines to engage in good faith, trying to seek understanding and rebuild trust, s/he may actually discover the intent of the offending person. A misunderstanding or an action following a perceived threat on the part of the offender may be the issue rather than an intent to hurt.
On the side of the one offended, this is not a social situation. It is deeply personal. Only the one offended knows the extent of the offending words/actions. For this reason, the offended person can refuse to think ill of the offender…and not take offense. Then take steps toward reconciliation or, if that’s not possible, make a personal decision not to be hurt by that person. This is not easy…especially at first in training one’s responses.
“The answer is a little paradoxical: We should strive not to offend or disrespect others. At the same time, we should also strive to not feel offended, or disrespected, for long. In other words, we should strive to be kind socially, and to feel free psychologically.”
Forgiveness opens the door wide to reconciliation. Forgiveness can defuse the hurt. Boundaries may come into play, but if the boundaries are built out of fear, dread, anger, or hatred, we are still not free from offense.

My biological father abandoned us long before my mom left him (before my sixth birthday). I saw him only twice after that. For years, I wrote him letters with no response, and then I stopped. My love for him grew cold. If he had any sense of needing forgiveness or asking for forgiveness, I don’t know. He died before I told him I forgave him. Every time this comes to mind, forgiving him is revisited. That’s a regret for me. However, I know the beautiful experience of forgiving a long-played offense from my older brother. Robert, who had deep pain of his own, struck out at others. My response for years was being offended at him or taking up an offense for other family members. It wasn’t pretty. Then, thanks to the wisdom and honesty of friends, I came to my senses on his offenses and my reactions. No more taking up an offense when Robert attacked…and the attacks died. He and I became closer than we had ever been over our lives. In fact, he gentled in his relationship with our siblings also. Those brief years (which could have been more if I had understood sooner) were great blessings (hopefully to both of us). When he died suddenly in his 60s, I carried no regrets. #Unoffendable #Forgiveness – I forgave him and he forgave me…without the words but walking out forgiveness with each other. So much grace in that.

Photo Credit: Unoffendable, Brant Hansen

Thoughts?

Being Offensive vs. Being Offended – and Trust – Charles H. Green

Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better – Brant Hansen

What Is the Difference of Being Offended and Harmed? – Robert Enright

Stop Being Offended Today: 3 Cures for Everything That Irritates You – Bill Apablasa

Forgiving in Two Dimensions – Peace Pursuit

Mel Robbins on the “The Let Them Theory” – Sarah Fielding

Photo Credit: Brant Hansen, Unoffendable, Pinterest

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Monday Morning Moment – Word for the New Year – Focus

January 5, 2026 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: Heartlight, James Houston quote

[Adapted from the Archives]

I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I [we] will not be shaken. – Psalm 16:8

You, [Lord], will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. – Isaiah 26:3

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 19:11-13

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize of God’s heavenly calling in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:12-14

Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on all sides, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed…knowing that the One who raised the Lord Jesus will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in His presence… Therefore we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, yet our inner self is being renewed day by day…For our light and momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory that is far beyond comparison. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. – 2 Corinthians 4:7-18

New Year’s Resolutions have been a long-time habit for me. I actually find them very helpful in steering my life into the next year. More intentional, more thoughtful. It doesn’t matter to me if those resolutions don’t get me to whatever goal I set…they have always gotten me a bit closer, a bit farther down the road. In 2017, pastor Cliff at Movement Church challenged us to commit to some resolutions to the Lord…together [podcast of 12/31/2017 here]. That was such a pivotal exercise that I have kept those same resolutions, made that day, in a visible place, to be reminded of those Godly habits, and the struggle to walk in them… Still in view…eight years out. Still relevant to now.

Then in 2020, I read Debbie Macomber‘s book One Perfect Word. It is not the same practice as setting resolutions in motion, but it is a discipline of seeking one word to set the tone for the coming year.

In 2021, my word was “compassion”. In 2022, it was “joy”. “Wonder” in 2023. “Strong” in 2024, when feeling weak was the norm that year. This past year, in a season of medical challenges, my word was “trust”.

Choosing a word for the year gives a sense of direction like I’ve not experienced in the past. It’s a target toward which I take aim or correct my aim. Each year, the Lord seems to direct me (can’t be certain, but it feels like Him) to a word to set in my heart and mind. A marker in my walk with God. In recent weeks, the word that has come to mind for 2026 has been focus. In fact, I’ve seen it repeatedly communicated in Scripture during my quiet time (see verses above) and in every day conversations and sightings (like the cap below in a thrift store).

My whole adult life, I’ve dealt with distractedness. To the point of thinking it could be ADD (attention deficit disorder). Starting strong and then dwindling in my interest and resolve. Distracted by the needs around me (which isn’t a bad thing). Struggling to stay on task. As I approach my 75th birthday (crazy, right?!), the Lord has reminded me that He doesn’t see my distractability as a weakness. It is just part of who I am, and He can mold it into something beautiful and useful to the Kingdom, when I stay focused on Him…and His nature.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

This will be my challenge and delight in 2026. To start with Him each day, to focus (and refocus) on Him through the day, and to finish the day, not in defeat because of any failures or unfinished tasks, but resting in His presence and peace. Eyes on Him, not on me.

Here we go, 2026. As the Scripture above prompts. The LORD always before me. My mind stayed on Him. Seeking Him with my whole heart. Pressing on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Fixing my eyes on what is unseen. Running the race marked out for me.

Postscript:

Twentieth-century Quaker Thomas Kelly wrote, “Over the margins of life comes a whisper, a faint call, a premonition of richer living which we know we are passing by. We have hints that there is a way of life vastly richer and deeper than all this hurried existence, a life of unhurried serenity and peace and power. If only we could slip over into that Center! If only we could find the Silence which is the source of sound!”

Lord, withYour coming, our lives have a greater demand placed upon them. Help us learn the art of active, consistent service while maintaining enough silent spaces to hear Your call. Amen. commonprayer.net.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Monday Morning Moment – Word for the New Year – Trust – the Object of Our Trust Matters – Deb Mills – [quick review of how a Word of the Year became a habit in my life]

The Focused Christian – Craig Meeker – practical primer to the focused life

The Focused Christian

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Monday Morning Moment – Anger, Contempt, & Forgiveness

November 10, 2025 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: Heartlight

[Turns out I’ve written about contempt several times – if you can set aside some time – you can reference these as well.]

I have a dear friend who differs with me on much of our country’s current politics and policies. However, we continue to be close. Some intentionality in both of us must be at work. No matter who won the elections last week or who’s responsible for the latest government shut-down, whatever our thoughts are on these subjects, our friendship stands. Though our solutions to the ailments of our nation may not align, our hearts resonate with each other. Neither of us holds the other in contempt over these external issues. In fact, conversations with her always increase my understanding of these stressful situations and lead to great compassion for those in the midst of those situations.

This is not always the case in family and friendships.

Some of the postings on my social media in recent days have been riddled with anger “at the other side”, whatever that entails. These are friends in real life. Decent, caring people. However, there seems to be an imperative these days to point out the bad behaviors of others, those considered political enemies. Not just behavior but character. One side devaluing the other. Anger, maybe even righteous anger in the beginning, too often progresses to disgust, or worse contempt.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Anger is a negative emotion that confronts an action/behavior of another (peer or peer group). Contempt takes anger to a lower, darker place. Contempt demonstrates superiority as it simultaneously dismisses and devalues the other person or group, seeing her/them as inferior. It dehumanizes.

“Anger and contempt are the twin scourges of the earth, these bitter emotions form the poisonous brew in which human existence stands suspended. Few people ever get free of them in this life, and for most of us even old age does not bring relief. To cut off the root of anger is to wither the tree of human evil.” – Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy p. 151

Photo Credit: Psychology Spot

It’s slow going, but I am learning not to allow contempt to gain space in my mind and heart. Like other negative emotions, contempt doesn’t only poison relationships but it poisons the mind of the one who entertains contempt.

John Murdock writes on this subject:

“Willard argued that in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus was not just pulling marbles from a bag, presenting individual gems of wisdom that could be considered independently. Instead, the order of the presentation mattered greatly. “It is the elimination of anger and contempt,” he asserted, “that [Jesus] presents as the first and fundamental step toward the rightness of the kingdom heart.”

Conversely, today it is the systematic elevation of anger and contempt that is often rewarded across the political spectrum.”

Then, yesterday, we had this incredible teaching on anger and forgiveness at Movement Church. Pastor Cliff powerfully preached on Matthew 5:21-24:

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Cliff talked about how God’s law has affected morality across the world – most of us get through life without murdering anyone. However, Jesus revealed how, if unchecked, our thoughts and words (be they face-to-face or written in social media) can have murderous impact.

We may think we’re doing the world a good service by pointing out the wrong thinking and actions of others. However, if we lack care for them, if we lack compassion or love, our words draw deep lines dividing us. Tall, thick impenetrable walls between us. And, God forbid, we don’t even care? I’m asking.

Jesus pointed to anger and contempt as deterrents to worship. If we care about being right with God, then we have to confront our part in being wrong with people. We may feel offended and then justified in our reaction to another person/group’s behavior, but acting in anger or contempt hurts everyone involved. Everyone.

One day, maybe our culture will shift to being more kind and long-suffering with each other. Being curious, seeking to understand, leaning in rather than being repelled. Until that day, or if that day never comes, what kind of person do I want to be? What do I want to practice in front of my family…my friends, my neighbors…even my enemies?

What is Contempt? An Intense Feeling Under a Mask of Coldness – Psychology Spot – an extremely helpful resource

Monday Morning Moment – Contempt Revisited – Deb Mills

What Is Contempt – Paul Ekman

Moving Beyond Chronic Resentment and Anger in Relationships – Steven Stosny, Ph.D.

Is Contempt a Form of Anger?

Monday Morning Moment – the Culture of Contempt and How to Change It…or At Least Yourself Within It – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Contempt is Cancer in the Workplace…and Any Other Place – Deb Mills

Disdain, Dallas Willard, and Donald Trump – John Murdock

Photo Credit: Heartlight

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Monday Morning Moment – Finishing Strong – On the 23rd Anniversary of Mom’s Glorious Homegoing

November 3, 2025 admindeb 6 Comments

Mom and me, Tennessee Christmas

[Adapted from the Archives]

We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed – always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. – 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

My Mom was a young 72 when she was diagnosed with cancer. We were overseas at the time, and I wanted so to be home with her. She was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma – at the time, supposedly “the best kind of cancer you can have”. Highly treatable. Long remissions. Often cured. Mom would die after 3 years of intensive, and sometimes experimental, chemotherapy. She never caught a break. Yet, she didn’t look at it that way.

Her journey with God in those days was other-worldly. The Mom I knew loved to serve people, and cancer would not stop that. She had grown up poor and with a dad who could be mean when he drank. She dreamed of college but it was never meant to be. Instead she became a student of life, and she never tired of that. She was a beautiful blend of Mary and Martha – wholly satisfied whether “sitting at the feet of Jesus” or serving the needs of those around her. I love that she was my Mom.

She taught me how to live…and she taught me how to die. We were home in the States when Mom’s cancer finished its course in her. She stubbornly guarded her time at home and had the will and the support (of my Dad, family and friends) to endure from home…and there was God, holding her tight against the storm.

Mom never prayed for healing, but we did. Mom prayed that this cancer, the illness and all that was part of it (including a devastating Shingles-related neuralgia), would bring glory to God. Her prayer was answered, and ours, ultimately, in Heaven.

Her dying took three days. If you had known my Mom, you knew a person that was all about life – helping and encouraging others, pointing them to God, determined, in faith, to make sense of what seemed utter nonsense. She continued to be about that until she went into a coma the last day. While she was awake that final weekend, I asked her (over and again) how she was. One time, I remember, she nodded a bit, and whispered, “I’m O.K.” It was her face that spoke volumes. Forehead lifted, blue eyes bright, an almost sunny expression. That “I’m O.K.” was accompanied by an almost delighted look of marvel…of wonder. Like, “Wow! I really am O.K.!” God was meeting her at the point of her greatest need.

Mom and I have always had amazing talks about the deep things of God and life. She told me one time that she envied us our certainty of His call to a life overseas. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard God speak so clearly to me,” she lamented. In the last days of her life, it came to me to ask her if she heard God speak to her lately. She answered right away, with that same look of wonder, “All the time!” If cancer had to be the instrument of such grace, then it became a gift to her.

Mom entered Eternity during the reading of 2 Corinthians 4:7-10 (see above). Her young pastor and his wife came unexpectedly that evening, rushing in, wide-eyed, as if on a mission. We brought them back to her room, and they sat with us, around her bed. She had been unresponsive all day. Her pastor opened his Bible and began reading. Mom had this sweet habit of knitting her forehead and shaking her head, in response to something that touched her heart. As he read, after being quiet and still all day, she knit her forehead and breathed her last. We all felt transfigured in that moment.

Tomorrow marks 23 years since Mom went to be with the Lord, and I miss her today and every day. She was so spent when she left us, yet gloriously whole at the same time. A bit of prose from Henry Van Dyke always comes to mind in thinking of her Homegoing.

Gone From My Sight by Henry Van Dyke

Photo Credit: Curt Ellis

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.”

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me — not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

Mom taught us how to live…and she taught us how to die. She “fought the good fight…finished the race…and kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7). For us, there is still a race to be run.

Thanks, Mom, for showing us how it’s done. See you at the Finish Line.

When it’s all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters:
Did I do my best to live for truth, did I live my life for You?
When it’s all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I’ve done for love’s reward
Will stand the test of time.

Lord, Your mercy is so great
That You look beyond our weakness
And find purest gold in miry clay
Making sinners into saints

I will always sing Your praise
Here on earth and ever after
For You’ve shown me Heaven’s my true home
When it’s all been said and done
You’re my life when life is gone.

Lord I’ll live my life for You.

Mom’s Irises

YouTube Video – When It’s All Been Said and Done

Monday Morning Moment – Mom – a Lifetime Full of Love Notes – Her Birthday Just Ahead of Valentine’s Day – Deb Mills

Mother’s Day – On Mothering and Grandmothering – a Life of Love, Launching, and Lifting to God – Deb Mills

Her Children Arise and Call Her Blessed – Charles Spurgeon’s reflections on a Godly mother

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Monday Morning Moment – Released – The Incredible Life of Corrie Ten Boom

October 14, 2025 admindeb 2 Comments

Earlier today a miracle happened. The last Israeli hostages were released from Gaza. Twenty of them. Released! Israel also released almost 2000 Palestinian prisoners. Released! Hopefully the cease-fire on both sides will continue, and the Middle East can settle into a much-needed peace.

Also today, I finished reading a book my daughter had long been encouraging me to read. We actually gave each other a book to read. I gave her eye-opening book Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. She gave me The Hiding Place – The Triumphant True Story of Corrie Ten Boom (with John and Elizabeth Sherrill). I had seen the movie of Corrie Ten Boom‘s life years ago (also entitled The Hiding Place, 1975). It was riveting then, and this book’s story in her own words was even more so.

The Ten Boom’s were a devoutly Christian family in Holland, and much of the story takes place around the events of World War II. Nazi Germany was making its move to gain power across Europe and was particularly targeting Jews, their own and other nationalities, and Jewish sympathizers. The Ten Boom’s began hiding Jews and developed an effective but dangerous underground to secret them away to safer places. The family’s activities were eventually found out and they were imprisoned. Corrie’s brother Willem and sister Nollie only briefly, but Corrie’s father and sister Betsie were held. Their father would die after a brief time of incarceration. Betsie was Corrie’s older sister. They never married and poured their lives into caring for others.

The notorious German concentration camp, Ravensbrück, would be their “home” for too long. Over 130,000 women would be held there, and over 60,000 died (some in the gas chambers). The conditions were horrific. Corrie and Betsie, by God’s grace, managed to hold onto a Bible during their prison time. When they weren’t laboring long hours, they prayed and encouraged the other women in their barracks. Betsie had enormous faith and a tender heart, even toward their tormentors. She prayed for both prisoners and guards. Corrie struggled more in her faith, angry with their treatment, especially because Betsie was physically weak from a long-term illness. Corrie would learn greater forgiveness and love during their unfathomable time together in the camp.

Finally, Betsie would die in captivity. Corrie would continue on, taking more responsibility in caring for the women around her. Early on in their time at Ravensbrück, Betsie reminded Corrie that God called them to be thankful in all circumstances, not just in lovely ones. Corrie couldn’t thank God for the fleas which infested their quarters. Later, Betsie observed that the guards rarely entered their barracks BECAUSE of the fleas, so they were free to have times of prayer and study. This was not wasted on Corrie as she began to see God at work in all their circumstances…and she gave thanks.

I’m going to leave the rest of the story for you to discover in reading about her life…or watching the movie (movies – others have been made since the first one).

Obviously, Corrie survived her captivity and was released toward the end of 1944 (12 days after Betsie died). Her life continued for almost 40 years, and she was able to see the fruit of Betsie’s visions for the future. It is an incredible story – loss turned to glory.

In rejoicing over the long-awaited release of the Israeli hostages and concurrent release of Palestinian prisoners (also celebrated by their families), we are struck by the enormous experience of being “released”.

For Corrie, and for all of us, the release of bitterness as we forgive and God’s work in our hearts to even love our enemies (Matthew 5:43).

Photo Credit: Corrie Ten Boom, Facebook

Photo Credit: Corrie Ten Boom, Facebook

Photo Credit: QuoteFancy

The Ten Boom Family

Return to the Hiding Place – sequel to The Hiding Place film

The Hiding Place – 2023 Remake

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Monday Morning Moment – On Deep Friendships

September 8, 2025 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: Sandjest

Let’s think about friends for a few minutes. What a gift they are!! Sometimes for a season and sometimes for a lifetime. Yesterday, Pastor Cliff, continuing in a series from the Proverbs, preached on friends. It scratched a months-long itch for me, as time with friends has been a challenge.

In other seasons of life, I’ve enjoyed friendships with so many amazing people – mostly women but a few great men as well. I married one of those men and we continue to be the best of friends after over 40 years of marriage.

Sometimes friendship happens serendipitously, out of a single conversation or “chance” encounter. That spark requires some effort still to stir it into a flame…but maybe less effort than we think.

Photo Credit: C. S. Lewis, Pray with Confidence

British author C. S. Lewis had many deep friendships over his lifetime, beginning with a friendship with his brother, Warnie. He wrote about friendship in his book in The Four Loves.

The Four Loves Quotes – C. S. Lewis – Goodreads

Lewis enjoyed the company of a group of writer friends who were known as The Inklings. There were four at the core of this friend group, including J. R. R. Tolkien. Others would come and go. Their focus was on writing and all that went into their writing – the very stuff of their lives. Just think how this group of friends impacted each other and so many of us who read their published works!

Photo Credit: Wit & Wisdom of C. S. Lewis

Being myself older now, and in this season of retirement, I spend more time alone than maybe I should. Even before Pastor Cliff preached this sermon, a conviction was stirring in my heart about friends and the tending of those relationships.

How often we say “Let’s get together” or “We need to get coffee soon”? And another week passes. Thank God for sturdy friends who keep our relationships deepening through the years. I want to be that friend, too.

Loneliness and social isolation have become huge problems in our culture. We, too often, turn to counterfeits of deep friendship. Busyness, screens, entertainment, even sports and gym time sans relationship.

I will never forget, early in my career, a colleague responding (reacting) in a peer group team building session: “You all are just my co-workers.” Some of my dearest friends through the years were in my workplace. It’s part of what I miss in this season of life.

There is only so much time in a day…only so much mental energy…but we are wise to commit some of that to our friends. Some of those friends can also be family which is a double blessing.

I am resolved anew to redeem some of that time and energy in nurturing friendships…in being intentional, when someone comes to mind, to act on it. More than just thinking we should have coffee…some day. For you, especially older ones, but also busy young moms and dads, who have figured this out…bravo. True friends are a sweet comfort and a constant presence on good days and bad. They show up and give us the impetus to show up for them as well.

Below you will find a few treasures – in poetry and prose – that especially inspire me, in thinking about deep friendships.

I cannot tell why there should come to me a thought of someone miles and years away,

In swift insistence on the memory, unless there is a need that I should pray.

We are too busy to spare thought for days together of some friends away;

Perhaps God does it for us — and we ought to read His signal as a sign to pray.

Perhaps just then my friend has fiercer fight, a more appalling weakness, a decay

Of courage, darkness, some lost sense of right; and so, in case he needs my prayers — I pray. – Rosiland Goforth (Source Unknown)

Photo Credit: Sandjest

Barely the day started and… it’s already six in the evening.

Barely arrived on Monday and it’s already Friday.

… and the month is already over… and the year is almost over.

… and already 40, 50 or 60 years of our lives have passed.

… and we realize that we lost our parents, friends…and we realize it’s too late to go back…

So… Let’s try, despite everything, to enjoy the remaining time…

Let’s keep looking for activities that we like…

Let’s put some color in our grey…

Let’s smile at the little things in life that put balm in our hearts.

And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left. Let’s try to eliminate the afters…

I’m doing it after… I’ll say after… I’ll think about it after…

We leave everything for later like ′′ after ′′ is ours.

Because what we don’t understand is that:

Afterwards, the coffee gets cold… afterwards, priorities change…

Afterwards, the charm is broken… afterwards, health passes…

Afterwards, the kids grow up… afterwards parents get old…

Afterwards, promises are forgotten… afterwards, the day becomes the night… afterwards life ends…

And then it’s often too late….So… Let’s leave nothing for later…

Because still waiting to see you later, we can lose the best moments,

the best experiences, best friends, the best family…

The day is today… The moment is now… – Caitriona Loughrey

“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.”

—W. H. Auden, “The More Loving One”

PUSH

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.

This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing it with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Noticing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, the adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man’s weary mind. “You have been pushing against this rock for a long time, and it hasn’t budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it.” Thus giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These troubling thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. “Why kill myself over this?” I’ll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough.

And that is what he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his thoughts to the Lord. “Lord” he said, “I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even been able to budge that rock. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”

The Lord responded compassionately, “My friend, When I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?”

“Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven’t moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in my wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock.” – Author Unknown

17 Christian Friendship Quotes [And 7 Steps To Be a Life-Long Friend] – Ava James

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Monday Morning Moment – Reflecting on Family

September 3, 2025 admindeb 2 Comments

[Dave’s Mom, Our Adult Kids, Dave & Me – Not all the grands are on social media – but they begin the next generation of our family.]

I want to write about family…well, this family right here. In fact, I want to write a letter to them. Feel free to read along.

Dear Family,

Yesterday was a sweet time celebrating our September birthday guys – Dave & Nathan. Father & First Son. You both are so dear to all of us.

To you siblings and siblings-in-law, I love you so much. In the early years, I had this wild idea about how, while we live in the same city, we would get together weekly – like for Sunday dinner – like in the TV show Blue Bloods.

[Blue Bloods – read the short piece on how their weekly family gatherings shaped the show and character relationships.]

We don’t get together weekly, and that’s ok. When we do get together, it can be loud and opinionated, just like that TV family. However, it’s always rich – food for thought as well as body. Hope you leave each time, not just with a full tummy but, with the refreshed understanding of how much you are loved. Not just by Dad and me but by your siblings.

[I’m a faithful documenter of people and special events. Always working on their patience. It means a lot when everyone cues up and smiles, but occasionally someone doesn’t feel like it…and that’s ok.]

To our youngest: I know being the baby of the family can get old, especially when you find yourself in your mid-30s. Hopefully you know that your opinions matter to your family. We want to know what you think… always. It made me sad that you were suffering from a headache through most of the meal yesterday. Please take heart that although we all don’t always agree on everything, we are grounded in love for each other. That’s priority and it will never change. Ever. I want to thank you for loving your family, too. You don’t have to show up and yet you do. There is a measure of hard in your life, different from ours, which would be easy for you to stay focused on. It gives us immeasurable joy when you are able to shake off the hard and laugh about “the old days”, tease your siblings and absorb their ribbing, and love on your nieces and nephews. It’s also no small thing how you serve us (me) – baking and straightening.

[Lots of Sibling Love Right Here]

To the married siblings and their spouses: You have incredibly busy lives, and yet for those hours when we are together for the odd special occasion, time slows. You are present. You are engaged. You are yourselves. The flow of conversation is easy and animated. You roll with the skirmishes between little cousins and you parent them all so well. I hope you know how much you are loved. As your Dad (Dad-in-law) and I get older, we are so grateful for how you hang in there with us and each other. Family estrangement is so prevalent in our world today, but so far, we have weathered the storms. Your commitment to our family is something we do NOT take for granted.

[The Guys]

[The Big Sister & the Little Brother]

To any who are reading: all families are different. Within each family, there are tremendous differences in temperaments, preferences, and even worldview. Ruptures can happen and repair is hard to come by. Our Sunday birthday dinner reminded me of things learned over the last few years:

We can make a place of safety and security for those we live.
When we are only around people who agree with us, we experience an echo chamber of affirmation. When we experience dissonant voices from those who love us, we learn how to better love those different from us.
In a rowdy family discussion, we still probably agree more than we disagree. Take an inventory on that from time to time. How do we affirm each other even when we don’t agree?
Lead with curiosity and empathy. If contempt is stirred up, recognize it for the destroyer of relationships it is, and take steps against it (see here).
Remember life is messy. Family is messy. We may prefer our lives (and families) to “look” a certain way, but it’s healthier for us to be real and honest with each other. “The human mind doesn’t have the capacity to live a life so curated” (convo with friend/counselor Taryn Blocker).
Flexibility is a character quality we all need to navigate relationships when people are crossing our boundaries. Flexibility, humility, and forgiveness. It’s going to happen, especially in family. Respecting boundaries goes both ways and takes both self-care and other-care. Or relationships break down.
What else? What would you add to those list? Please share in comments.

[The original three & me]

I am very thankful for this family. With all our warts. Not unlike any other family out there. So thankful for the relationships these siblings have with each other, and for the littles with their sibling and cousin relationships. Check out these beautiful reels from Instagram on the topic.

Instagram – Siblings Are One of the Most Important Relationships You Will Ever Have

Instagram – “Who do we call when you’re not around?”…”Each other.”

Finally, I’d like to just mention psychiatrist Dr. Gabor Maté‘s opinion on how all children grow up in different families with different parents. He justifies that thinking about how we, as parents, change and evolve in our thinking on parenting, with each child, and our children are all different from each other. We may even use the same practices but our children react differently to them. The old adage” of “caught or taught” would bring meaning to this as well.

“Siblings may grow up in the same house, but that doesn’t mean their childhoods were the same. Not even close.

Same parents? Nope.
Same family? Nope.
Same childhood? Absolutely not.

Parents show up differently for each child depending on the season of their life, their relationship, and even their financial situation.

It’s not about who is loved more.
It’s about how that love is expressed — and how each child experiences it.

If you’ve ever wondered why you and your siblings remember childhood so differently — this is why. – Clip from The Mel Robbins Podcast, Conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté – “Why You Feel Lost in Life: Dr. Gabor Maté on Trauma & How to Heal”

How Today’s Parents Say their Approach to Parenting Does – or Doesn’t – Match Their Own Upbringing – Pew Research – Kiley Hurst, Dana Braga, Shannon Greenwood, Chris Baronavski, & Michael Keegan

Dr. Gabor Maté Explains His ‘No Two Children HaveThe Same Parents’ Philosophy – Annie Reneau

Then, to those amazing adult children, add spouses, careers, and varied life experiences to the equation, and we continue to have the wonder of family – familiar and yet also new and changing. It makes for a fascinating Sunday dinner experience…and a lifetime of tilling the soil of a safe, secure, and hopefully sacred love for each other.

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Monday Morning Moment – Heart Check: Are You Content?

August 25, 2025 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: AZQuotes

[Adapted from the Archives]

The state of contentment is on my mind this morning. From time to time, I’m moved to check my heart in this area, because being content can be a struggle. Contentment is NOT the same as resignation. In fact, it is far from it. Contentment can be defined as “the state of being mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are.”

During a season of emotional and spiritual discontent decades ago (which I wrote about here), my sweet husband introduced me to Jerry Bridges‘ book The Practice of Godliness. He had marked the chapter on contentment and gave the book to me on his way to work. Without judgment. Just love and concern. I read it right at that moment.

Bridges (now with the LORD) had this great gift of writing with such clarity and simplicity that we could soak up these truths with life-changing certainty. Thanks to Bridges’ gentle, humble writing, I didn’t take offense – “He doesn’t know what it’s like for me!” – and I learned afresh contentment in life. I am still learning.

In the book of Genesis, the very first sin of humankind was born out of discontent. Satan tempted Eve, and then Adam, with the idea that God was not good and didn’t not have their best interest in mind. His temptation wooed Eve into taking her life into her own hands, choosing to disobey God’s one command. Bridges wrote about the eroding nature of discontent in three areas – possessions, position/power, and the providence of God.

The Apostle Paul commented on how he had learned to be content in all things. He doesn’t give the secret of being content here, but in 2 Corinthians 12:9 as the foundation for his contentment.

Photo Credit: Daily Verses

The POWERFUL Philippians 4:11 Meaning (‘I Have Learned To Be Content’) – Jeffery Curtis Poor

Jerry Bridges gives the secret of living in humble and joyful contentment:

“This is the secret of being content: To learn and accept that 1) we live daily by God’s unmerited favor given through Christ, and that 2) we can respond to any and every situation by His divine enablement through the Holy Spirit.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes

If you struggle with discontent, with wanting life to be different than what it is right now, you would do well to read Jerry Bridges’ chapter on contentment. It brought me to my senses, for sure.

In honoring the impact this man has had on my life and thousands of others, I’d like to post some of his quotes. Learn from this dear brother even as he’s right now in the presence of God.

“Contentment is one of the most distinguishing traits of the Godly person, because a Godly person has his heart focused on God rather than on possessions or position or power.” – Jerry Bridges, LikeSuccess

“Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes

“Lord, I am willing To receive what You give. To lack what You withhold. To relinquish what You take, To suffer what You inflict, To be what You require.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes

“Grace is never cheap. It is absolutely free to us, but infinitely expensive to God… Anyone who is prone to use grace as a license for irresponsible, sinful behavior, surely does not appreciate the infinite price God paid to give us His grace.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes

“Every day that we’re not practicing godliness we’re being conformed to the world of ungodliness around us.” – Jerry Bridges, Top Famous Quotes

“One thing we may be sure of, however: For the believer all pain has meaning; all adversity is profitable. There is no question that adversity is difficult. It usually takes us by surprise and seems to strike where we are most vulnerable. To us it often appears completely senseless and irrational, but to God none of it is either senseless or irrational. He has a purpose in every pain He brings or allows in our lives. We can be sure that in some way He intends it for our profit and His glory.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes