Category Archives: Resilience

5 Friday Faves – Best Of’s – Building a Great Organizational Culture, Naming Our Grief, Habits of Mentally Strong People, Book of Opposites, and the Story of God for Postmoderns

[Not much time this week for discovering or writing – here are some of my favorite faves, going  back a ways.]

1) Building a Great Organizational Culture – a Podcast – 5 Leadership Questions about Building a Great Organizational Culture – This is a great conversation between Barnabas Piper, Todd Adkins, and Eric Geiger on organizational culture. They define culture as “shared values beneath the surface that drive behavior”. Aspirational values (what takes place on the wall) are distinguished from actual values (what takes place in the hall). What is your workplace culture? “We don’t treat people like that here”. Like what? What culture do you have or hope to build?Blog - Organizational Culture - slideshare.netPhoto Credit: Slideshare.net

Also see Organizational Culture and Climate – SlideShare.

2) Naming our Grief – Grief always has a name and naming our grief helps us to heal. Having lived overseas for many years, we understand “Hellos-Goodbyes-Hellos” – both the sorrows and the joys of them. As the years go by, we experience job changes, relocations of friends and family, and deaths of loved ones. This November will be the 17th anniversary of my Mom’s Homegoing, and every day I still think of her. That grief definitely has a name. Sometimes grief feels more vague, like a sadness with a cloudy source.

When I found this piece Because Grief Has a Name by Abby Alleman, it touched my heart. She says it well:

“Naming grief is our heart acknowledging its significance and place in our lives. In this way, grief is a friend, like Sadness from the movie Inside Out. Photo Credit: Aepadillablog

It teaches us the shape of our own unique story and guides us to tastes of the ‘fullness of joy’ found in God’s presence. Acknowledging and entering grief also guards our hearts from the calcifying effects of the denial of pain, hurt or loss. Instead of resentment, bitterness or hatred, we get healing, strength and hope. We also become those who grieve well with others. This is a true gift.” – Abby Alleman

3) Critical Habits of Mentally Strong People Travis Bradberry published a super helpful article on mental toughness. He lists 15 critical habits of mentally strong people. Take a minute to go to this article for some quick, clear counsel on building up your mental muscle. – not just for work, also for anything where mental toughness (not hardness) would help.Blog - Friday Faves - Habits of Mentally Strong People - slideshare.netPhoto Credit: Slideshare.net

4) Book of Opposites Jennifer Kahnweiler has written a fascinating book on Introversion-Extroversion. The Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together. My  husband is a  introvert  and I am an extrovert. We have been married 35 years and have worked together many of those years. We have learned a lot of Kahnweiler’s wisdom on our own…and after quite a few years of struggle. This book is very helpful and empowering for any partnership between introverts and extroverts.

Blog - Friday Faves - Genius of Opposites

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Skip Pritchard wrote a great review here.Genius-card-front-1Photo Credit: SkipPritchard.com

5) The Story of God for Postmoderns – How would you answer the question, “What is the Bible all about?” If you were to prepare an answer of this question for a Post-modern, you might be disappointed. A true post-modern is probably not going to ask you that question. However, what if our friends could get hold of the idea that the Bible is not just a grand story that Christians have concocted? The Bible, in truth, is a winsomely unified story God actually tells about Himself from the first page to the last. Dr. David Teague, in the article, The Biblical Metanarrative, lays out the clearest explanation I’ve ever read of the Story of God – of how the Bible is God’s own revelation of Himself to His people. Don’t miss this gem.Blog - Friday faves - Peanuts & Postmoderns

Photo Credit: Peanuts, ParkingSpace23.com

Bonus: Phenomenal Classical Guitarist – This guy. Nathan Mills – related to us? Nathan at guitarPhoto Credit: Duy Nguyen

Yes. I get to be Mom to this amazing young man… Because we are related and it’s not always comfortable for him how effusive I am about his music…I restrain myself. Unsuccessfully. Right now, he’s fairly new to that larger world of music, but he’s playing, teaching, arranging, and composing. One day, you will know him if you don’t already… Mark it down.

A video from his early days with Nathan Mills Guitar:

…and his latest arrangement (June 2019) on his Beyond the Guitar YouTube channel:

 

Monday Morning Moment – a ‘Mean Girl’ Culture – Modeling Inclusion and Resilience for our Daughters

Photo Credit: Mean Girls Film, The Daily Targum

When we think mean girls, the 2004 film Mean Girls probably comes to mind. Such a classic story of teen drama, it has also been adapted to the stage as a Broadway play. The expression mean girls brings to mind girls, in middle school and through college, who will do whatever it takes to be most popular in their school or circle.

I’m not sure girls intend to be mean…it just happens in the climb to the top. Others get pushed down in the process.

Growing up, my experience with mean girls was fairly limited. We had a neighbor girl who for a season chose me to be her bullying target. We never came to blows (the one fight I decided to finish – she would have laid me out if it had happened – was aborted when my mom providentially came home from work early that day. In high school, she and I (Gail was her name) actually became good friends.

I do remember early in middle school getting in trouble for talking in class. One of the really popular girls had asked me about an assignment, but the teacher only saw me answering her. In an attempt to use me as an example, the teacher shamed me in front of the class. The girl who triggered the situation just sat there and smiled as others snickered. It was on me that I talked…and it taught me a big lesson.

In high school, I was fairly nerdy. A few of us outsiders hung together happily for those four years. The exclusivity and cliquishness of the really popular girls didn’t really affect me…until Senior year. At that time, I was dating one of the football players which drew me into the popular girl circles…superficially. I was voted to be secretary of the Senior class as well as being chosen as my class representative to the Homecoming court. Later I would find out these two things came my way because one of the uber-popular girls had campaigned for me so that another popular girl she was at odds with wouldn’t get those honors. Sigh… A little story from my high school years. It worked well for me…but it gave me a view inside a mean girls world.

Our daughter saw the Mean Girls movie while she was in college. She was that girl new to American culture having grown up in Africa. Fortunately, she like her mama didn’t personally experience much of that exclusive girls’ clique shtick.

As moms, we can help our daughters (and sons) to overcome the sort of insecurity and identity politic that goes into becoming mean girls/guys. On the flip side, we can also guide them through the experience of being hurt by such a tribal situation. Lastly, we can model and mentor our children to be includers rather than excluders.

Photo Credit: LibQuotes

This week I discovered a 2-part piece on raising includers. Written by therapist Lisa McCrohan, the coaching article was helpful in confronting the whole mean girl phenomenon.

Raising Girls Who Are “Includers” Instead of “Mean Girls” (Part 1) – Lisa McCrohan

I Was That New Kid Sitting Alone at the Lunch Table (Part 2) – Lisa McCrohan

Photo Credit: Lisa McCrohan

In brief, here is a summary of her counsel:

I want to talk straight with you. It’s time now to make a difference in your child’s life, in your community, and in our world.  We can create a more compassionate world – starting within our homes.

Here are six ways we can help our children rise with resilience, feel connected, and believe that they matter — and prevent bullying:

1. Get off our phones.

2.  Be present.

3.  Keep reflecting our children’s light and their goodness. – “We are the ones who have to send them the message that they belong, they matter, and they are loved. Always.”

4.  Teach our children responsibility. 

5.  Teach our children to be the one who risks kindness. – “We can model this. In your family, make this a motto: be the first one to be kind… The ‘first one to be kind’ is the leader. A strong, effective leader. Others will follow suit. Let’s teach our children the skills of empathy and courage to stand up for what is right.”

6.  We have to own our stuff to heal. – Lisa McCrohan

McCrohan gives much more commentary in her articles so read them in full when you have the time.

Her point #6 reminded me of a time when our children were in a small American school overseas. Our youngest has some learning issues as did the daughter of another mom in the school. One day I was subbing in her daughter’s class, and the mom just happened to come to the door during a math quiz. I had just walked away from her daughter’s desk after helping her get back on track with a complicated problem, and when the mom showed up, her daughter had begun to cry. For years after that, her mom and I had a strained relationship. She had made an assumption that I had left her daughter without the help she needed…which was not true. Our children struggled with some of the same learning issues, and we could have been such a support to each other, but…it wasn’t meant to be. Somewhere along the way, that mom had her own “stuff to heal”. It still bothers me today. That we couldn’t be friends because of a misunderstanding.

Was that mean girl stuff? No,but I do think those of us who tend to wall ourselves off from others or who have to be “the best, most popular” have some sort of wound that needs healing…before we pass it along to our children.

Anyway, ’nuff said. Our kids have been raised to be inclusive almost to a fault. Are they inclusive? No…not always, but neither am I. Still, understanding the value of “drawing circles” that welcome others in is a strong foundation on which we build relationships.

[If you have mean girls stories, either on the receiving end or that of being the one bullying, I’d love for you to share your experiences, counsel, etc. in Comments below.]

YouTube Video – Mean Girls – Best Scenes (Warning: some language)

Inner Circles – the Mad Pursuit of Position, Power, Prominence, and Plenty – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Rewiring Your Brain Toward Thinking in the Positive

Photo Credit: Hubspot, Carly Stec

OK…so today started really great. Then it got a bit murky…then downright dark. I was all set to turn today’s blog into the ultimate rant! Fortunately, something else happened along the way.Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

Looking up meanings to words like “disingenuous” and thinking of the ways that people communicate that shut others down. Aarrgghh!

25 Phrases That Kill Workplace Relationships – John Rampton

Which of These Incredibly Annoying Pet Peeves is the Worst? – Analise Dubner

Then…I snapped out of it. Negative thinking is such an unhelpful, unhealthy activity. It is not how I want to be, nor was I ever…routinely negative, that is… until recent years. Getting older seems to bend us toward negativity. My mama sure didn’t raise me to be that way.Photo Credit: Disney Film Bambi, CineLessons, Pinterest

Somewhere in the middle of beefing up my rants on condescension  and exclusivity and those most affected by decision-making not having a place at that table (see the downward spiral?)…I took a deep breath and turned around. Dave will sometimes tell me “pull up” when he could see me mentally plunge downward…and so I did…pull up.

You may have read what I wrote previously about identifying negativity and correcting course. It seems to be a bit of a recurrent subject of late. Those pieces are here:

Monday Morning Moment – Grumpy Begets Grumpy – Understanding It, Not Reacting, and Turning It Around – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Negativity – Its Cost and Cure – Deb Mills

Today, I came across a super-simple prescription for rewiring our thinking toward positivity. The team at Daily Health Post focused on complaining as a culprit that can actually cause our brains to default to anxiety and depression. From experience, I know this is true. Check out the article below:

How Complaining Physically Rewires Your Brain to Be Anxious and Depressed

Photo Credit: Daily Health Post

The prescription for rewiring our thinking is straightforward and easy, with practice. In fact, these four reminders could easily sit on a card at our work station to help us stay on the road and out of the ditch:

  • Be grateful. – Keep a journal and write down things/persons for which you’re grateful – morning and evening. Turn your thoughts toward gratitude when you’re tempted to go negative/complaining.
  • Catch yourself. – Shake off the negativity before your friends/coworkers intervene…or pull away. Learn to catch yourself and change course.
  • Change your mood. – If your emotions start to spiral, shift your environment. Take a walk. Listen to music. Step away from your work station. Grab a few minutes with a friend.
  • Practice wise effort. – Wise effort is the practice of letting go of anything that doesn’t serve you. If your worry won’t improve your situation or teach you a lesson, simply let it go and move on.This is much easier said then done, of course, but if you write it out, ask friends for advice, and take some time to think it through constructively, it really can be done.” – Daily Health Post

All this is common sense. Still, in an age of outrage, we must practice thinking positively until it becomes a discipline…a healthy habit.

So…as fascinating as you would have found my rant, I’m sure…better to let it go…and the stress along with it. For now. There are things, destructive hurtful actions (or communications) that might need our intervention along the way. However, we only hurt ourselves and those closest to us when we just go all negative, faithless, and brooding. Thanking God, this is not how this day will end.

The Art of Being a Great Coworker: 13 Ways to Improve Your Work Relationships – Carly Stec

Photo Credit: Frank Sonnenberg Online

Worship Wednesday – My Fear Doesn’t Stand a Chance When I Stand In Your Love – Bethel Music

Photo Credit: Flickr

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love.  1 John 4:18

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.  2 Timothy 1:7

I love the passage in C. S. Lewis’ story The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe where Mr. and Mrs. Beaver are trying to describe Aslan. He was the lion who symbolizes Jesus in the Narnia stories. Lucy and Susan ask if Aslan is safe. Mr. Beaver responds, “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

Aslan – Is He Safe?

We so often default to fear. It will look different for each of us, but it rises up from the deep dark places of our minds. Where the “what if’s” set up camp. These squatters make homes for themselves in our thoughts – worry, doubt, anxiety, fear. They don’t belong but act like they do.

When I’m afraid, there is a short list of what helps:

  • Reading/quoting Scripture.
  • Praying, especially praying Scripture.
  • Journaling (or writing like right now).
  • Talking out the fear with someone who knows me and knows God.
  • Singing and listening to worship songs.

Some of the songs that help me battle fear are songs from childhood in church. They have long been a comfort to me.

Our church does not as yet have a children’s music program. We sing a few songs from our kids’ curriculum, but they are different each quarter, so the rhythm of worship songs that our young ones know is not a part of their church life…yet. Maybe their parents teach them strong spiritual songs at home; I don’t know.

7 Reasons Singing Is Essential to the Christian Life – Tom Olson

When “Stand in Your Love” came on the radio this morning, it made me think immediately how great it would be to teach it to our children. To remind them that they don’t have to be afraid when they belong to God. Performed by Josh Baldwin of Bethel Music, this song declares the powerlessness of fear in the presence of God.

Nothing we fear…nothing we can imagine…has the capability of thwarting God’s purposes. He is so much bigger than our fear.

Worship with me.

When darkness tries to roll over my bones
When sorrow tries to steal the joy I own
When brokenness and pain is all I know
I won’t be shaken, I won’t be shaken (Cause)

(chorus)
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love

Shame no longer has a place to hide
I am not a captive to the lies
Not afraid to leave my past behind
I won’t be shaken, I won’t be shaken

(chorus)
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love

There’s power that can break off every chain
There’s a power that can empty out a grave
There’s power that washes every stain
(No) I won’t be shaken, I won’t be shaken

(chorus)
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love

(chorus)
(Cause) Shame doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Shame doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
Shame doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love*

God is worthy of our praise…including the praise that casts our fears…our cares…on Him…because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7)

Do fearful things happen in life? Of course. Is God able to take us through those fearful things…?

“Now to him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us–to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”Ephesians 3:20-21

There is a fear that we do want to hold in our minds – one fear. That fear of the Lord Himself. For those who are kept in the perfect righteousness of Jesus, God withholds His wrath forever. Jesus, who died in our place…took our sin on Him sinless self…making us forever forgiven.

We are not to trifle with the goodness of God. His hatred for sin is perfectly balanced by His fierce love for us. We were never meant to be able to explain God or put Him into some sort of box we can be comfortable with. God is beyond anything we can comprehend this side of Heaven. More. Greater. Unfathomable. Yet knowable.

Photo Credit: A. W. Tozer, Facebook & One Way Through Jesus

The same fear of God (that strikes reverence and awe in our hearts and keeps us amazed at His movement in our lives and this world) – that fear of God is the beginning of wisdom for us.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”Proverbs 9:10

I pray we are able to stand in His love as the song above says, and let go of the small fears of our lives. Replacing the small fears with wisdom and understanding…of Who He is instead. Hallelujah!

*Lyrics to Stand In Your Love – Songwriters: Rita Springer, Mark Harris, Ethan Hulse, and Josh Baldwin

YouTube Video – Story Behind the Song – Stand In Your Love – Josh Baldwin & Ethan Hulse

Photo Credit: Flickr

5 Friday Faves – ‘Interstellar’ on Guitar, Healing After Trauma, Benefactors in Education, Hope for Human Trafficking, and the ‘American Idol’ Finale

It’s the weekend! Here are my five favorite finds of the week plus a big list of bonuses (since I didn’t post my faves last week). Enjoy!

1) ‘Interstellar’ on Guitar – Get ready for Nathan‘s arrangement and performance of Hans Zimmer composer ‘s brilliant theme for the film Interstellar.

The Story of How Hans Zimmer Wrote the “Interstellar’ Theme Will Give You Chills – Gus Lubin

Beyond the Guitar YouTube Channel

2) Healing After Trauma – A favorite author of mine, Karen Swallow Prior, got hit by a bus one year ago this week. It is not the sort of thing you rise up from – especially in the way she has, back to teaching, writing, and running. Nigh unto a miracle! Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

She writes about the trauma she experienced in the article Role of the Body in Healing After Trauma.

“I confess that before experiencing this trauma, I thought that emotional (as well as spiritual) healing consisted primarily in thinking the right things and believing the right things. I didn’t understand the role the body plays. Yet, the original meaning of the word “emotion” is “a physical disturbance.” Emotions originate in the body, not the mind.”

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, “traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies.” Because trauma is an embodied experience, the book shows, those who have suffered trauma must pay attention to the sensations of their bodies in order to recover:

Being frightened means that you live in a body that is always on guard. Angry people live in angry bodies. The bodies of child-abuse victims are tense and defensive until they find a way to relax and feel safe. In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them.

For healing from trauma to take place, Van der Kolk says, “the body needs to learn that the danger has passed”.” – Karen Swallow Prior

I am thankful that Dr. Prior has recovered so well from the terrible accident she experienced. The healing she is experiencing after that trauma clearly goes so much deeper than just her body returning to its [new] normal.

Role of the Body in Healing After TraumaKaren Swallow Prior

A New Normal: 10 Things I’ve Learned About Trauma – Catherine Woodiwiss

3) Benefactors in Education – We have all benefited from others all across our education. Benefactors – people who went above and beyond. I have teachers from as far back as first grade whose names are still with me. Teachers who instilled curiosity and wonder. Others, including our parents, who invested in us, both in our learning and our mastery of the stuff of life. Through this week, I discovered 3 small news events/articles that I wanted to pass on – three very different benefactors but heroes all:

Billionaire investor Robert F. SmithMorehouse Commencement Speaker to Pay Off Class of 2019’s Student Loans – Bo Emerson

Photo Credit: KUT NPR Radio

The folks at Libraries Without BordersBringing Literacy to Laundromats with Libraries Without Borders – Kim Doleatto

Parents and parent-surrogates who emotionally engage with their kids (young and old) – New Study: The More You Hug Your Kids, The More Their Brains Will Grow

Are there benefactors in your education? Please give them a shout-out in the Comments.

4) Hope for Human Trafficking – [This is about sexual trafficking, in particular.] This past week I got to watch the film Nefarious: Merchant of Souls. It is a documentary on the global sex trade and it will shock you at the scope and complexity of this terrible problem.

We must be willing to look at this pervasive problem, and we must have hope. The kind of hope driven by awareness and action.Photo Credit: Abolitionion

  • Read all you can through the International Justice Mission.
  • Volunteer with and/or support a local justice agency. Ours is Richmond Justice Initiative.
  • Seek training through one of these agencies.
  • Investigate what your local law enforcement agencies are doing to combat sex trafficking. Determine what the laws are in your state.
  • Finally, be vigilant in watching for those around you who may be victims of sex trafficking, or targets of sex traffickers. I have the National Human Trafficking Hotline in my phone contacts. It is 888-373-7888.

I have the hotline number in my phone because one day I was shopping in a large thrift store, and caught a strange exchange between a very young mom and a middle-aged man. We were all in the children’s clothing section of the store. He was making small talk with her and clearly (by the content of their conversation) had not known her before that interaction. He asked her too-familiar questions, and she talked freely, revealing intimate details about her life situation.To this stranger. They ended up leaving the store at the same time, if not together. It was hard to tell. I actually followed them out, but when I got outside they were gone. That fast. Maybe it was nothing…but that was the day I put the hotline number in my phone…and I still remember that young mom and pray for her when I do. Now, she may be just fine, raising her baby in the circle of a loving family. I hope so.

This problem is so wrong, the world over. We must do what we can.

YouTube Video – Sex Trafficking Survivor Tells Her Harrowing Story – Megyn Kelly Today

I Am Jane Doe Film

[After such a serious subject, I almost feel weird to end with such a light one…but I don’t think it will make you forget the problem above.

5) The ‘American Idol’ Finale – I’m not so much into reality shows, but this particular show has captured a bit of my heart. No way to know what happens behind the scenes of this production, but the young people who compete to become this year’s American Idol are stellar! Out of hundreds came a Top 20 who all have incredible voices, personality, and style.Photo Credit: American Idol, ABC

Week by week, contestants were let go, first by the judges, and then by a vote of American fans. In the end, three incredibly talented and lovable finalists remained: Madison Vandenburg, Alejandro Aranda, and Laine Hardy. All three of these young people will have music careers ahead of them. Incredibly talented. The winner this season? Louisiana country singer Laine Hardy – watch the video below for the exciting reveal and Hardy performing his debut single.

That’s it for me this week. Any favorite finds you’d like to share with us? Please do in Comments below. Blessings!

Bonuses:

C. S. Lewis: Beware the Temptation of the ‘Inner Ring’ – Art Lindsley

Tim Conway died this week. A man who made us all laugh.

People living with ALS share their data in extraordinary effort to end the devastating disease

How we respond to one grieving…what do we say? Video below with Kelly Corrigan (author of Tell Me More)

45 hilarious times Americans didn’t get how things work in Britain

It’s Not Just Salt, Sugar, Fat: Study Finds Ultra-Processed Foods Drive Weight Gain – Maria Godoy

The season of produce stands (this one is in the family):Photo Credit: Carol Wink, Facebook

Monday Morning Moment – the Hobbit Life – a 30-Day Journey

Photo Credit: Flickr

Monday mornings can start so well and then sort of spiral. This was that sort of Monday around here. So much stress – with tough news, tight deadlines, and too much time in my own head…

Then a lovely idea…sparked by Tea with Tolkien (a Twitter account I follow)…lifted my spirit and cleared my mind. 30 Days to a Hobbit Heart. The focus of these 30 days is “slowing down, choosing simple joys, and forming new hobbity habits together”.

At the top of my movie list are The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (LOTR) and The Hobbit – both from the pen of British author J. R. R. Tolkien. Tolkien’s stories are of great adventures, loyal friendships, and battles for good against evil. The music from these films does justice to the stories. [Sidebar: Two songs from above film series inspired Nathan at Beyond the Guitar to arrange and perform them – here and here.]

I signed up for the 30-day journey. Let me know if you do, and we’ll do it together. The guide for the 30 days is actually a simple checklist of how to order your day in a hobbity way. [I want to say that word at least a few more times.] Suggestions include less screen time (of course), more time outside, more time with friends, simple suppers, second breakfasts, and time for walks, reading, and writing.[Just a bit of my husband’s garden which he makes hobbity time for]

Where do we find the time for these habits of life? If there is room for all that Marie Kondo requires in minimizing our stuff, then there is room for Tolkien’s ideas of reshaping how we spend our time…and with whom.

One of the suggestions is actually reading some of Tolkien’s letters. I’ve already begun today. It was thrilling to read in one letter (#47) how he was nearly finished with the sequel to The Hobbit. He mentioned how it would be a much longer story (The Lord of the Rings) but that the reader would not be disappointed.

Author Cam Clark describes how being familiar with The Hobbit Life actually made him a better person. He talks about how hobbits value the simpler things of life – friends, food, and stories. He also points to two characteristics that distinguish them from folks of our era. They are 1) not beleaguered by status anxiety (fearing have a lower status than others), and 2) they are more technophobic (whereas the villains of Tolkien’s LOTR were advanced in their weaponry). Hobbity people today would not be so bothered by pursuing status, and they would incline toward being less attached to their devices.

So there you have it…this little distraction brightened my day and altered my perspective. Looking forward to the 30-day journey to  wherever this hobbit life idea takes me.

By the way, the tough news and tight deadlines are still there…I’m just differently engaged…hopefully in a better way.

The Hobbit Life: How The Lord of the Rings Helped Me Become a Better Person – Cam Clark

7 Habits of Highly Effective Hobbits – Alex Knapp

A Day in the Life of a Hobbit – Alice

My Own Shire- Living a Hobbit Life in the Modern World – Arwen

Tea With Tolkien

Tolkien the Film

5 Friday Faves – For the People, Nurse & Teacher Appreciation, Fluoroquinolones Toxicity Awareness, Eddie van der Meer & Nathan Mills Collab, and a Legacy in Cancer Support

Either I’m slowing down or the weeks are speeding up. Fridays come fast, and my posting on Friday’s is challenging. Thanks for hanging in there with me, Friends. Here are this week’s favorite finds:

1) For the People – If you like TV law shows, For the People is one of the best out there. An ensemble cast with incredible chemistry and older counterparts to learn from and act with…Photo Credit: International Business News

The writers are clearly well-researched on the law and the judicial system (at least in New York City where the show is based). The dialog is riveting…the subject matter penetrating. Impossible to come away from this show unaffected. Even if it is just a TV show.

2) Nurse & Teacher Appreciation – This coming week is both Nurse and Teacher Appreciation Week here in the US. May 6-12 this year. Across our lives, we owe a great deal of gratitude to both teachers and nurses…in our own lives and that of our children’s.Photo Credit: Vanguard Promotions

A few days ago, a state senator (who will remain nameless) balked at supporting a bill that would require uninterrupted meals and breaks for nurses. She stated that nurses probably played cards much of the day. Wrong! We don’t always get the attention we would like from nurses (because of the needs of other patients), but it isn’t because they are lolling away their shift.

Photo Credit: GBTPS

In high school, I was trying to choose between nursing and teaching as a career. Nursing won… My daughter is a teacher. Two very demanding careers and amazing people within those professions.

Shout-out!

3) Fluoroquinolones Toxicity Awareness – A couple of years ago, I experienced a medical emergency. It was terrifying and I would have taken any treatment to recover as fast as possible. While waiting on blood culture results, the doctor, thinking I probably had pneumonia, prescribed Levaquin (Levofloxacin). In the first days of taking the drug, I became weaker and weaker. An odd weakness. Like I could not lift my arms or legs normally. As if they had just lost all strength. The cultures were inconclusive for pneumonia, but he told me just to finish the course of antibiotics. Confused about my symptoms, I started reading about the adverse toxicities of Levaquin. Muscle weakness was a more rare reaction, but not so rare that it had become alarming to the Food & Drug Administration. It has required the drug manufacturers to publish alerts, to both prescriber and patient, of the possible dangers of these drugs.

Levaquin is one of the antibiotics in the fluoroquinolone family. These antibiotics are highly effective but potentially highly toxic as well, with adverse reactions which can be irreversible. Another commonly prescribed antibiotic in this drug family is Cipro.

Photo Credit: Slideplayer

As I write this, just hours ago a 37y/o woman, Rachel Held Evans, died of complications of a bizarre allergic reaction to antibiotics given to her for a urinary tract infection and flu. What drugs were they? No information there. Just can’t get the possibilities out of my mind…

I’m a strong believer in the medical model and have experienced excellent care through the years. Still…these drugs scare me. I now have them on my “Allergic to” lists on my medical record.

When Antibiotics Turn Toxic – Jo Marchant

Could Taking that Antibiotic Have Serious Long-Term Consequences? – Michael O. Schroeder

4) Eddie van der Meer & Nathan Mills Collab – Eddie van der Meer is a free-style guitarist from the Netherlands who covers a wide variety of music and has made a place for himself in the YouTube musician community. This week, he posted a collaboration between him and Beyond the Guitar’s Nathan Mills. Have a sweet listen:

5) A Legacy in Cancer Support – In my adventure in downsizing or decluttering, I came across a box previously stored in Dave’s parents’ attic. It had been there since we went overseas in 1995.

It contained memorabilia of my season in nursing focused on supporting cancer patients and their families (in Kingsport, Tennessee). Professional journals (I was once a contributor and also on the editorial board of Cancer Nursing). Books on cancer survival. Cancer nurse retreat folders. Support group pictures. Cassette tapes of soft music and comedian routines. Notes from lectures/talks I’d given in the old days (transparencies instead of powerpoints!!). Those were different days.

I passed a baton in those days…when my life turned a corner, leaving behind a career I loved…for another I would love as well.

That baton is still being carried by another nurse…my partner in those days – still clinically sharp, innovative, caring, and able. When I think of the nurses that should be celebrated next week, Kathryn Visneski is at the top of the list. Appreciate you, Friend.

That’s it for this week. Thanks for spending this bit of your weekend with me.

Bonuses:

The Autism Checklist – Meeting Dr. Temple Grandin – Jill Arseneau

In These Divisive Times, Program Pairs Students With Refugees Around the World – Emily Tate

5 Friday Faves – Beyond the Guitar’s “Jenny of Oldstones”, Doing What You Love, Language-Learning for Life, Temple Grandin, and Supplying a Food Desert

Friday Faves on a Monday. Here goes…finally:

1) Beyond the Guitar’s “Jenny of Oldstones”Nathan Mills of Beyond the Guitar has written an arrangement of this heart-wrenching ballad, “Jenny of Oldstones”.  This song performed by Florence + the Machine for the TV show Game of Thrones. Whether or not it has an emotional appeal for you because you are a fan of the show, you will love “all the feels” in Nathan’s classical guitar interpretation of the song.

2) Doing What You Love Marcel Schwantes, executive coach and a voice for servant leadership, posted, this week, a provocative piece on success. He quoted notables Warren Buffett, Tim Cook, and  Steve Jobs on the one characteristic that sets apart successful people from all others.

“Doing what you love”.

Photo Credit: Flickr

We may all go through seasons where we are working in a job because it is our vehicle for a paycheck, to pay the bills, to support the family. Work we have loved can go through iterations to the point it is no longer that work we are passionate about.

Schwantes himself also supports the core value of love in action. Knowing what you love should be a top priority. If you don’t know what it is you love, then finding out what it is should be your first step. Some people call it passion; others call it purpose. Whichever term you choose, your purpose is exactly what you can’t help but keep doing. Even if there are low monetary rewards, you would probably do it anyway because of your love for it. When you discover what this is for you, it’s the thing that makes you come alive.” Marcel Schwantes

3) Language-Learning for Life – I have a neighbor in her 80s who has recently finished a course to learn Spanish. So proud of her. In university, I minored in Spanish myself. It may very well have kept open some language center in my brain to learn Arabic in my 40s. Seriously, early on in “mastering” this very difficult language, Spanish words and grammar would pop up in my memory even though I hadn’t used Spanish in decades. If you do a Google search of brain benefits of language-learning, you will be amazed.Photo Credit: Pixabay

Writer Trevin Wax recently wrote a piece What We Lose When We Lose Language-Learning. He gives strong support to learning second and third (or more) languages:

“A few years ago, I wrote about the “brainy benefits of being bilingual,” and I included an excerpt from Time magazine that explained a few of the cognitive benefits of knowing another language:

Research is increasingly showing that the brains of people who know two or more languages are different from those who know just one—and those differences are all for the better. Multilingual people, studies show, are better at reasoning, at multitasking, at grasping and reconciling conflicting ideas. They work faster and expend less energy doing so, and as they age, they retain their cognitive faculties longer, delaying the onset of dementia and even full-blown Alzheimer’s disease.

Even a partial grasp of other languages opens doors, not just to a better quality of life for ourselves (now and when we are older), but…the doors open for relationship. We live in a world of languages. I learned both Spanish and Arabic because they were the heart languages of peoples important to me.

Consider a path to a second language, no matter your age. Children can master other languages, too.  Definitely by the age of 10, but some researchers believe children can start learning other languages by the age of three or four. Give them a head-start on communicating in the world they will be encountering as they grow.

4) Temple Grandin – Several years ago (2010), we watched a film about a young girl/woman who had autism. This biopic film was entitled Temple Grandin. Photo Credit: Our Lady of Calvary

Depicted by Claire Danes in the film, Grandin was fascinating in how she not only coped with autism but eventually adapted to it to become successful in her life and career.

This week she is featured at the Richmond Forum. Her discussion of the autism experience was winsome, humorous, and enlightening.Photo Credit: Richmond Forum

Recap – Dr. Temple Grandin Illustrates Life With Autism – Thomas Breeden

Temple Grandin – The Way I See It – Richmond Forum

TED Talk – The World Needs All Kinds of Minds – Temple Grandin

5) Supplying a Food Desert – Food insecurity was a Friday Fave sometime ago. This coming week marks a big change in a Richmond neighborhood (Church Hill) as a supermarket opens in one of our city’s often described food deserts.

Photo Credit: Facebook, The Market at 25th

Richmond’s Market at 25th Shaped By History, Needs of Church Hill Residents – Catherine Komp

The Market at 25th – Facebook page

Below excerpted from my blog on food insecurity:

Food Insecurity – This is the social dilemma of not having adequate access to fresh, healthy food. Photo Credit: Mary Lide Parker

A simple Facebook post by a friend generated a thought-provoking, rich conversation on this topic.

Photo Credit: Alee Swanner, Facebook

I share the links from that conversation below.

The Root of the Problem – an Interview with Lindsey Haynes-Maslow – Mary Lide Parker

The Role of Local Food Availability in Explaining Obesity Risk Among Young School-aged Children – Helen Lee

School and Residential Neighborhood Food Environment and Diet Among California Youth – Ruopeng An & Roland Sturm

Studies Question the Pairing of Food Deserts and Obesity – Gina Kolata

Should the Concept of a Food Desert By Deserted? – Layla Eplett

Always being aware of those who may need food is important. Certain times of the year, around special holidays, we are more likely to give to food banks, church food pantries, and other outreach ministries. This is just a beginning place…but it is a beginning.

Having The Market on 25th opening in Church Hill is huge!

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That’s the 5. I would love for you to share your own favorite discoveries from your lately life. In the Comments below. Blessings!

Bonuses:

Richmond’s Own Rodney Robinson – 2019 National Teacher of the Year

Photo Credit: Lolly Daskal, Twitter

Photo Credit: Carey Nieuwhof, Twitter

4 Keys to Creating a Healthy Culture That Naturally Resists Toxic People – Carey Nieuwhof

Quotes by C. S. Lewis – an intellectual feast for anyone

How to Build a Startup in an Unfamiliar Industry – Rahul Varshneya

This First Class Passenger Saw a U.S. Military Officer Flying Coach and Decided to Thank Her for Her Service by Giving Up His Seat – Rebecca Schlesinger

Monday Morning Moment – Ian Bremmer – on Global Politics and Replacing Rage with Hope

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

How do American politics affect our ability and capacity to be a force for good on the world stage?  What elements align to make any of global nations consequential or inconsequential? What natural or geopolitical events will lead to migrations of people to who knows where? What are the top political risks facing our country and our world today?

Political scientist and thought leader Ian Bremmer was just an unknown name on our Richmond Forum subscription for this year’s season. Then we heard him speak. Wow! My ignorance was what was showing.

Ian Bremmer is a brilliant, funny, courageous, optimistic analyst of all things global. He has conversations with world political and economic leaders and their staff, and I’m sure he asks excellent questions. His analysis is intriguing because he clearly knows what he’s talking about and he kindly brought it down to a fifth grader’s understanding.Photo Credit: Richmond Forum

Ian Bremmer Engages with Geopolitics, Honesty, and Humor at The Richmond Forum – Thomas Breeden

The best part of the whole evening was his unflappable honesty. He clearly had his biases regarding world leaders, including our own country’s leaders. Yet, he takes the larger and longer view. I so appreciated that. It’s part of why he’s not “crazy”, as he encouraged us not to be as well when we read and watch the news each day.

Bremmer told the audience his goal for the evening was to make us all “10% less crazy.” What makes us crazy regarding our country’s politics? He summed it up memorably:

A lot of us feel like our system is rigged. A lot of us feel like our representatives are not representing us. A lot of us feel like the American dream no longer applies to us. And they feel like when the political leaders or the CEOs or the bankers or the journalists or the public intellectuals—God forbid—are talking to us, that they’re lying.”Ian Bremmer

If we daily wonder if we’re being lied to by our politicians and not truly represented by our elected officials, then we do become a little crazy…distrusting our government and divided and polarized in our thinking, depending on our particular brand of politics.

Adding to this, Bremmer gives four other factors that fuel the divide:

  • Immigration – So much talk and very little done on either side of the aisle to improve the system – with the hope of making it fair for all who would like a chance to immigrate as well as humane and just for those foregoing lawful entry to the country.
  • Economic Inequality – This continues to increase, and it heightens the political divide between peoples as well. It adds to the “us vs. them” scenario.
  • Wars – When we seem always on the brink of a war (either threatened by a nuclear power or compelled to enter because of an oppressed ally, we struggle again with trusting our leadership, especially as our spouses and children lay their lives on the line for these wars. For what purpose?
  • Social Media – The rage of the average citizen who feels unheard or discounted by his government is stoked through the comments of others on social media. Where are the conversations being had by reasonable people with a stake in the outcome?

Ian Bremmer addressed these stressors and then he calmly proceeded with a survey of global and national threats and trends. I won’t go into them here but you can follow his generous, insightful commentary on all the latest news via his website, broadcasts, books, and Twitter/Facebook feeds. He will educate you and encourage how to engage rather than isolate.

[Forgive me for staying general on this, regarding geo-political risks.]

Bremmer gave two excellent challenges to us. The first is to find a person who we disagree with politically but who we respect (I have a short list of those valuable friends and family members). Then engage in conversation, with the goal to listen, learn, and better understand. Our default is to be enraged but not engage…we just read their social media posts and don’t comment, or worse, do…when we could actually create face-to-face dialogue. Neither of us may change but we have the opportunity to grow closer in coming to viable solutions to the problems we face.

His second challenge was to encourage our young people to study abroad…even in high school, even just for a semester. To put themselves in the minority. To learn from others who have similar problems as well as quite different ones. To learn how to draw down conflict and create understanding. To learn how to problem-solve with less monetary resources. These young people of ours will be the ones who will have to figure out how to flourish in the world we are leaving them.

Ian Bremmer talks reality but with hope and a healthy sense of humor. We would do well to follow his example in this…whether we agree with him on all points or not.

From a secular point of view, he came as close to answering my life-long question “Why can’t we all get along?” Bremmer’s talk also reminded me of Dr. Seuss’ book Oh, the Places You’ll Go. In the midst of a forum on global politics, economic upheaval, war and poverty, he posed the possibility of hope…if we show up and engage with one another.

YouTube Video – Ian Bremmer on the Failure of Globalism – some of the content we enjoyed at the Richmond Forum.

YouTube Video – Ian Bremmer – How the US Should Use Its Superpower Status

Global Warming: Severe Consequences for Africa – Dan Shepard [Ian Bremmer got me to consider global warming more seriously when he talked about how the peoples of equatorial Africa will one day have to leave their countries and immigrate north.]

Monday Morning Moment – The Tyranny of Sensitiveness – C. S. Lewis

Photo Credit: QuickMeme

Years ago, my best friend and I went on a cross-country sight-seeing trip. Our plan was to camp out a couple of nights and then stay in a hotel for the third, and continue in that rhythm for the two weeks we were on our adventure. It didn’t always go well. I loved camping; she preferred the hotel. Our food preferences were more different than we realized. We did, fortunately, agree on the “not to be missed” aspects of our journey across America.

Along with all the great memories made, we had some humdinger disagreements through the course of our time away and returned home even better friends as an outcome. However, it didn’t come easily for either of us.

It turns out I could majorly stomp on her feelings without even knowing that was happening. We have both matured greatly since then so this can encourage you…it has for me in the times in recent years when I find myself in similar situations.

First, you must know I never intended to plow through her preferences to race toward my own. She was my dearest friend. It gave me joy to see her happy. Still…somewhere I crossed a line. In our responses to one another, as friends, family, colleagues, (even strangers on social media) we can discover things both about ourselves and about the other.

Emotions are different from feelings. I’m not going into the physiological pathways or mental habit formation of all this, but the quote below by Debbie Hampton is very helpful:

“Feelings and emotions are two sides of the same coin and highly interconnected but are two very different things…Emotions originally helped our species survive by producing quick reactions to threat, reward, and everything in between in their environments. Emotional reactions are coded in our genes. Emotions precede feelings, are physical, and instinctual. Feelings are sparked by emotions and colored by the thoughts, memories, and images that have become subconsciously linked with that particular emotion for you. But it works the other way around too. For example, just thinking about something threatening can trigger an emotional fear response. While individual emotions are temporary, the feelings they evoke may persist and grow over a lifetime…In the gaps between emotion, feeling, and acting, we all have the power to change and direct our lives for the better. “Debbie Hampton

In the milliseconds between any stimulus and our response to it, we can choose how we will respond emotionally. However, because we have set a course “over a lifetime” of responding certain ways, emotional patterns (feelings) are formed and put into practice. We can change these, if we find them detrimental to our physical, emotional, and relational lives.

That happened between my friend and me. In close proximity, for two weeks, our daily experience very dependent on the other, we found we could irritate each other. The statements “That hurt my feelings” or “You hurt my feelings” became her lament…this from an accomplished teacher and successful manager of a classroom of tiny children. Somehow, on this trip, I had the capacity, regularly, of stealing her joy.

For me…inconceivable. I loved her and had no desire to hurt her, ever. Still, it happened.

[By the way, this expression of sensitiveness using the word “feelings” may be more encountered in women, but men have some similar experience – you know you do – but call it different things. “Offended”, maybe? “Annoyed”? Is that where sarcasm or cynicism is birthed?]

Back to the story: In some way, my behavior set off for my friend emotions that were tagged by past feelings of being discounted, not considered, not favored. It wasn’t pretty…for either of us.

Fast forward, decades later.

We live in a culture of lofty sensitiveness. The measure for political correctness in our speech continues to get moved upward. We are a nation so easily offended that we can’t even discern what is truly intentionally offensive from what is just true.

Have you ever been in a season with a friend or colleague that feels emotionally murky? You don’t really know what’s going on, but you sense something is. Then…you step on the landmine – and you say something or do something or your face shows something – that explodes all kinds of feelings in the other person, from what seems a life-time of storing up.

This is what has now been popularized as weaponizing feelings or emotions. The outcome? Guilt, shame, wounding, and (for some) returning fire.

It will make me sad if this post “hurts feelings”, especially of those friends of mine who read my stuff. The thing is, just like my friend and me, we can go deeper in our relationships when we refuse to let feelings define our friendships. When we refuse to think ill of others we grow a spiritual maturity and neuroplasticity that impacts our emotional responses and our relational resilience.

What got me thinking about all this, this week was actually a Lenten reading from British scholar C. S. LewisPreparing For Easter: Fifty Devotional Readings from C. S. Lewis.

He talks about the danger of weaponizing sensitiveness long before it became the cultural phenomenon it is today:

“‘Did you fight fair?’ Or did we not quite unknowingly falsify the whole issue? Did we pretend to be angry about one thing when we knew, or could have known, that our anger had a different and much less presentable cause? Did we pretend to be ‘hurt’ in our sensitive and tender feelings…when envy, ungratified vanity, or thwarted self-will was our real trouble? Such tactics often succeed. The other parties give in. They give in not because they don’t know what is really wrong with us but because they have long known it only too well, and that sleeping dog can be roused, that skeleton brought out of its cupboard, only at the cost of imperilling their whole relationship with us. It needs surgery which they know we will never face. And so we win; by cheating. But the unfairness is very deeply felt. Indeed what is commonly called ‘sensitiveness’ is the most powerful engine of domestic tyranny sometimes a lifelong tyranny. How we should deal with it in others I am not sure; but we should be merciless to its first appearances in ourselves.C. S. Lewis

After being an atheist, Lewis did not come to faith in Christ until his mid-thirties. His intense study of the Bible, relationship with God, and deep, gut-honest conversations with a circle of intimate friends moved him to such understanding of people and life…and our responses to both. Any thoughts on this? Please comment below.Photo Credit: Flickr

Preparing For Easter: Fifty Devotional Readings from C. S. Lewis

What Is the Difference Between Feelings and Emotions? – Debbie Hampton

The “Weaponizing” of Emotions Wade Trimmer

The A-Z Guide to Feelings and Emotions – Sebastian Gendry

Monday Morning Moment – Neuroplasticity – Resetting Your Brain for Success at Work and Life – Deb Mills

Inner Circles – the Mad Pursuit of Position, Power, Prominence, and Plenty – Deb Mills

Invisible Wounds of the Sensitive, Empathic and Emotionally Intense Child – Imi Lo – this is a sobering, emotionally charged article. I resonated with it in preparing for the blog above and include it because it might be helpful for some to read. Just a warning that it is hard to read because it honestly did not give much place for hope. [If I missed it, please illuminate me in the Comments below.] Maybe the hope comes in recognizing what we as parents might be doing that’s hurtful to an emotionally intense child and correct course.