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Monday Morning Moment – The Addictive Nature of Complaining and Breaking the Cycle

May 11, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: The Joy Within, Kyle Greenfield

Could I be complaining about complaining? Not at all. Having already written about it twice before (and not counting my pieces on negative thinking), why revisit it?

Here’s why.

Complaining is bad for us. It actually rewires the brain into thinking our complaints are current reality. Whatever has riled us up in the recent (or not so recent) past stirs up cortisol excretion (a stress hormone). Then as we process our complaint with a sympathetic listener, we actually then get a hit of dopamine. This positive effect of complaining is the pathway to habit. In fact, the brain will default to complaining in the future, rather than positive problem-solving or exercising gratitude for the good over the bad.

If, however, our processing a complicated or stressful situation helps us to get to a positive solution, the brain responds accordingly. This should be much more satisfying than habitual complaining which is personally depressing as well as depressing to others. There are rewards in complaining if it engenders sympathy maybe or gets us out of responsibilities, but those “rewards” turn into negatives when complaining becomes habitual and drives people away. This is not to say complaining should be silenced. We need to process hard things. The problem with complaining is when it becomes the end-goal.

The Psychological Harm of Complaining – Bence Nanay Ph.D.

It is quite sobering actually to consider all that’s written these days (see below) about the neurological changes that can come from repetitive behaviors, such as complaining. Fortunately, reversing this is possible.

High Focus Centers are treatment programs across multiple US states. Their focus is out-patient care for substance abuse and psychiatric disorders/issues. The following is a substantive excerpt from their article on the addictive nature of complaining, its physiological and relational harm, and the benefit of shifting complaining to a healthier mindset in 5 steps. 5 steps! Worth the read and your consideration, if you struggle with complaining or love someone who does.

“The purpose of the complaint often isn’t to fix anything…It’s about drawing attention—maybe to feel seen, validated or pitied. Over time, this loop of discomfort → complaint → attention can become addictive, providing a false sense of control, significance or identity…Victim mentality is a pattern of thinking where a person sees themselves as perpetually wronged by others or by life itself. They may believe they are ‘good’ or ‘right,’ and that any problem in their life is caused by other people who are ‘bad’ or ‘wrong.’..At its core, victim mentality keeps someone trapped in blame. It externalizes every challenge and prevents personal growth, because it shifts responsibility away from the self.”

“Just like substance use or compulsive behaviors, complaining can offer short-term relief. It may feel good to vent, to be validated or to be the center of concern. But over time, this habitual negativity can actually rewire the brain, reinforcing pessimism, resentment and passivity.

Photo Credit: ThinkLink

Here’s why complaining can feel addictive:

Dopamine hits: When someone receives sympathy or attention after complaining, it can activate the brain’s reward system.
Identity reinforcement: Constantly viewing oneself as the victim can create a strong sense of self—though unhealthy, it’s familiar and consistent.
Avoidance of responsibility: Complaining and blaming protect someone from having to make changes, take risks or face uncomfortable truths.
Social bonding: In some circles, shared complaining becomes a social glue—even though it reinforces negativity.

Unfortunately, these perceived ‘benefits’ come at a high cost: chronic stress, broken relationships, low self-esteem and an inability to build lasting inner peace.”

Is Complaining an Addiction? Understanding the Trap of Victim Mentality – High Focus Treatment Centers

Shifting from Complaining to Empowerment

“Escaping the cycle of complaining and victimhood begins with awareness. If you find yourself constantly focused on what’s wrong—without seeking solutions—it may be time to ask: What am I hoping to gain from this?

Here are some strategies to begin shifting your mindset:

Notice the Pattern

Start by tracking your complaints. What triggers them? Are you seeking connection, pity or a sense of righteousness?

Ask: “Can I fix this?”

If the answer is yes, take action. If the answer is no, explore acceptance. Complaining about things you can’t or won’t change is a drain on your energy.

Reframe, Don’t Deny

You don’t have to pretend everything is fine. But try reframing: instead of “I hate this heat,” say, “This heat is uncomfortable—maybe I’ll get a fan or find some shade.”

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is the antidote to victimhood. Regularly recognizing what’s going well helps train your brain to seek out the positive.

Get Support

If complaining and blame feel like your default mode, it may be time to explore why. Often, these patterns are rooted in trauma, insecurity or learned helplessness. Working with a therapist can help uncover those roots and replace them with healthier coping tools.“

Is Complaining an Addiction? Understanding the Trap of Victim Mentality – High Focus Treatment Centers

Bottom line: Complaining is bad for you and can become habitual. It can become relational second-hand smoke, harming you and those around you. Ironically, this habit can be transformed, like any other, with great positive impact on your brain. Let’s get after it!

Monday Morning Moment – Don’t Let Complaining Rewire Your Brain – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Complaining Rewires Your Brain – How to Curb (Maybe Not Stop) Complaining – Deb Mills

How Complaining Rewires Your Brain Toward Negativity – ThinkLink – Super quick read and super helpful as well!

How Complaining Rewires Your Brain – Brain Performance

Chronic Complaining: Examining Its Relationship to Mental Health

The Truth About Complaining – Kyle Greenfield

Is Complaining Good for You? Therapists Explain [The Answer Is Surprising] – Brina Patel

Complaining and Your Brain: 4 Surprising Effects

Why Complaining is Addictive – Dr. Gloria Lee

How Negative Thinking Destroys Your Relationship – Dr. Gloria Lee

Is Complaining an Addiction? Find Out! Take the One-Day “Abstain from Complain” Challenge – Dr. Michael Ceely

Why Do I Complain So Much? Understanding the Psychology of Negativity

The Pros and Cons of Complaining – Barbara Frazier

Photo Credit: QuoteFancy

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Worship Wednesday – National Day of Prayer – “If My People”

May 7, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: The Grace Blog, Jason White

“If My people who are called by My name humble themselves, and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” – 2 Chronicles 7:14

On May 7, U. S. churches and Christian organizations (even some in our government and among other religions) will set aside time to observe the National Day of Prayer. We are called to put our political and ethnic differences aside and to seek God’s healing of our country.

National Day of Prayer – Prayer Guide (pdf) – The Shepherd’s Church

The verse above from 2 Chronicles is often quoted. It’s a beautiful promise, conditioned on the response of the people of Israel in ancient times. Does it apply today to believers in America?

Below find commentary by two theologians answering this question. Their answers surprised me a bit, the fact being I am NOT a theologian. However, as you read their answers, remember that God speaks to all of us through all of His Word. As He led His people then, He leads His people now. He calls us to humble ourselves, to pray, to seek Him, and to repent from our evil doing. We can’t rest on our political leanings; we can’t trust in human guardians of our nation’s well-being (over the Sovereign keeping of God Himself); we can’t carry hatred or pride in our hearts without thought of the consequences. We who follow Christ aim to submit to His ways and His word on all things…with His help.

“In context, 2 Chronicles 7:14 is a promise to ancient Israel (and perhaps even modern-day Israel) that, if they will repent and return to the Lord, He will rescue them. However, many Christians in the United States have taken this verse as a rallying cry for America. (Perhaps Christians in other countries have done so as well.) In this interpretation, Christians are the people who are called by God’s name. If Christians will humble themselves, pray, seek God’s face, and repent, then God will heal their land—often a moral and political healing is in view as well as economic healing. The question is whether or not this is a proper interpretation/application.

The United States does not have the same covenant relationship with God that ancient Israel enjoyed. The covenant with Israel was unique and exclusive. The terms that applied to Israel simply did not apply to any other nation, and it is improper for these terms to be co-opted and applied to a different nation. When 2 Chronicles 7:14 is applied to Christians in the U.S. or any other modern nation, it is usually with the understanding that the Christians in that nation—the true believers in Jesus Christ who have been born again by the Spirit of God—will comprise the righteous remnant. God never promised that if a righteous remnant repents and prays for their nation, that the nation will be saved. Perhaps if national repentance occurred, then God would spare a modern nation as He spared Nineveh at the preaching of Jonah (see Jonah 3)—but that is a different issue.

Having said that, it is never wrong to confess our sins and pray—in fact, it is our duty as believers to continuously confess and forsake our sins so that they will not hinder us (Hebrews 12:1) and to pray for our nation and those in authority (1 Timothy 2:1–2). It may be that God in His grace will bless our nation as a result—but there is no guarantee of national deliverance. Even if God did use our efforts to bring about national repentance and revival, there is no guarantee that the nation would be politically or economically saved. As believers, we are guaranteed personal salvation in Christ (Romans 8:1), and we are also guaranteed that God will use us to accomplish His purposes, whatever they may be. It is our duty as believers to live holy lives, seek God, pray, and share the gospel knowing that all who believe will be saved, but the Bible does not guarantee the political, cultural, or economic salvation of our nation.” – Got Questions

Worship with me. We have God’s Word and His wisdom leading us into repentance, for our good and His glory. If God chooses, He may heal our land, but most importantly, for us, is our joyful and hopeful submission to His rule and reign in our lives. Still…this beautiful Imperials rendition of 2 Chronicles 7:14 is a call to prayer and repentance for us Christ followers, no matter the outcome. [I’ve loved this song for many years and still get goosebumps, singing along with the Imperials. Enjoy.]

If My people
Which are called by My name
Shall humble themselves
Shall humble themselves and pray
If My people
Which are called by My name
Shall seek My face
And turn from their wicked ways

Then will I hear from heaven
Then will I hear from heaven
Then will I hear and will forgive
Forgive their sin

If My people
Which are called by My name
Shall humble themselves
Shall humble themselves and pray
I will forgive their sin
I will forgive their sin
I will forgive their sin
And heal their land

If My people
Which are called by My name
Shall humble themselves
Shall humble themselves
Shall humble themselves and pray*

“If there was ever anyone who had humbled themselves, prayed, sought the Lord, and turned from their wicked ways, it was the disciples and the early church. But did they receive healing for their land? No, they received persecution. They were threatened, and some were even thrown in jail for their faith. Eventually most were even scattered from their land (Acts 8:1-3).

But despite all these terrible situations and circumstances in their lives, they were blessed with every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3). They had the peace and abundant life of Christ. And this is the promise for all who believe. We don’t have to find economic and political healing in our land to enjoy God’s blessings. Our blessings are found in a Person.

Does that mean we shouldn’t pray for our country and hope things get better?

Absolutely not! We can love our country and be thankful we get to live here. We can be grateful for the men and women who sacrificed their lives to protect our freedom. We can pray for our country and hope things get better. But as we pray for our country, our ultimate hope is not that our lives get more comfortable through prosperity but that more people come to know Jesus and the abundant life that can only be found in Him.” – Jason White

*Lyrics to “If My People” – Songwriter: Jimmy Owens, as sung by The Imperials

What Is the Meaning of 2 Chronicles 7:14? – Got Questions

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Jesus and Holy Week – Day 5 – Maundy Thursday – Passover Celebration & His Last Supper Before the Cross

April 2, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

http://debmillswriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Blog-Holy-Week-Last-Supper.jpg — Photo Credit – Baptist Press – Courtesy of DeMoss News Pond

[Adapted from the Archives]

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:34-35

The Thursday before Jesus’ trial and crucifixion was the awaited celebration of Passover. In this day, we have a picture of Jesus, in all his humanity, and in all his deity. All four of the Gospels written about Jesus’ life have an account of this day’s events (Matthew 26:17-75; Mark 14; Luke 22:7-65; John 13:1-18:27).

After sunset, the Jewish people would take the Passover meal together – as families usually. They would share the Seder meal and remember how God protected them during the days of their slavery in Egypt.

Photo Credit: Seder Meal, Robert Couse-Baker, Flickr

This particular Thursday is known as Maundy Thursday. Maundy means “commanded” and also can refer to the ceremonial washing of feet. Jesus took upon himself to wash the dusty feet of his disciples, modeling for them his command to love one another (John 13:34-35).

After Jesus and his disciples finished their meal together, he would then enter the garden Gethsemane to pray. As He prayed, He wrestled with his heavenly Father over the need for him to die. “O my Father, if it is possible, let this cup [of suffering and death] pass from me.” Then, settled in his obedience, he reiterated: “O my Father, if this cup cannot pass away from me unless I drink it, Your will be done.” [Matthew 26:39; Matthew 26:42]

Photo Credit: Wikimedia

Sometime during that dark night of the soul, he turned his attention toward his disciples and all the rest of us, across the ages, who would follow him. His prayer to the Father, recorded in John 17, is exquisitely beautiful, especially in the context of this difficult night. [Take time to read it in full, but I’ve included a part of it below.]

“Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.”

Then out of the darkness, Jesus’ disciple Judas Iscariot came to betray him. He was leading a group of the religious leaders, along with a huge company of soldiers. Although Jesus’ loyal disciples wanted to resist his arrest, Jesus refused their intervening and surrendered himself…not to the mob but to the will of the Father.

The betrayal was complete. His disciples fled (although those closest to him would soon seek out where he was being held). Jesus would spend the rest of the night in the tormenting custody of his enemies. The countdown to the cross had begun in earnest. A countdown that actually began at the Fall of humanity, and, under the careful watch of God, our Father…a countdown toward restoring us back to Himself.

One more day…

Jesus Prays for His Disciples…and For Us – Ralph F. Wilson

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Jesus and Holy Week – Day 3 – Tuesday – Long Day Teaching & Countering Religious Opposition

March 31, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

Adapted from the Archives]

When He [Jesus] entered the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to Him while He was teaching, and said, “By what authority are You doing these things, and who gave You this authority?” – Matthew 21:23

On this long day, Jesus would demonstrate in one situation after another that he spoke and acted with the authority of God Himself. The barren fig tree cursed by Jesus the day before had indeed withered and died. The disciples saw it themselves that morning as they walked again from Bethany to Jerusalem. Jesus spoke to them of faith, which they would need all the more in the days ahead (Matthew 21:21-22).

Again and again…in Jerusalem, in the Temple, and on the busy streets during Passover, Jesus was confronted by the religious leaders.

It’s amazing that he even gained entry to the Temple after overturning the market there just the day before. Again, another sign of his authority. He was untouchable, until he gave himself over to his own death on the cross…for us.

The religious leaders were determined to trap him in some sort of blasphemous teaching or interpretation of the law. It would not happen, yet they were set on his destruction one way or another.

In an attempt to test Jesus’ understanding of the law, a legal advisor to the Pharisees asked Jesus what was the greatest commandment in the law. The Pharisees cautioned strict adherence to the laws of the Torah, all 613 of them! They were not prepared for Jesus’ response:

Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is One Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:29-31

Two commands: 1) Love God with your whole being; 2) Love your neighbor as yourself. Some might say that a third is presumed in that you must love yourself in a right and wholesome way in order to truly love others.

Jesus’ love for the Father and his love for all people were in perfect unity. Loving God, with all we are, gives us perspective and capacity to love those around us, whomever they are, as we have experienced love ourselves, from the God who loves us perfectly and completely.

The Pharisees, Sadducees, and other Jewish leaders grew more angry at Jesus and were vexed as to how to destroy his popularity and influence with the masses of Jews loyal to him. All their trickery failed this time. Jesus was not intimidated by them, and, in fact, spoke some of his strongest words against them while teaching that day.

His 8 “woe to you” pronouncements against the Pharisees are listed at the bottom of this page. When I read them, the song from the original Godspell film comes to mind as the Jesus character stands against the religious “machine” of his day – those “hypocrites”, those “blind guides” of the people.

Photo Credit: www.faithbibleministries.com

Finally, leaving Jerusalem that day, Jesus stopped on the Mount of Olives (Olivet) to speak about the future. He talked at length, to his disciples and all those who followed, about the end times. He warned them about false teachers and the evil that would rise up in those last days. What it must have been to listen to Jesus, the Messiah, on that Tuesday – filled with a mixture of faith in him and fear of what could lie ahead for them, and the generations to come.

When Jesus and his disciples returned for the evening to Bethany, Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, stole away and met with Jesus’ enemies. [Matthew 26:14-16] In the dark of night, he would betray Jesus to them. He acted as a coward, away from the crowds who would have strongly objected…

For 30 pieces of silver, Judas would seemingly take history into his own hands, but the clock was already ticking, and Jesus would finish what he came to earth to do.

Postscript:

8 “Woe’s” Spoken by Jesus Against the Pharisees (Matthew 23:13-30)

1- Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you shut up the kingdom of Heaven against men.

2- Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you devour widows’ houses, and pray at length as a pretense.

3– Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.

4- Woe to you, blind guides, who say, “Whoever swears by the temple, it is nothing; but whoever swears by the gold of the temple, he is obliged to perform it.”

5- Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you pay tithe of mint and anise and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith.

6- Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence.

7- Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.

8- Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Because you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous, and say, “If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.”*

The Final Days of Jesus – Andreas J. Kostenberger & Justin Taylor

YouTube video Alas for You from the original film Godspell

Spotify Playlist – From Palm Sunday to the Resurrection – Beth Wayland

The Way of Jesus #2: Unsettling the Religious Status Quo – James Nored & Phil Ware

Reasoning Why Jesus Cursed the Fig Tree – Sam Shamoun

Jesus and the Pharisees

*8 Woes Upon the Pharisees – Curtis Kittrell

Great Texts of the Bible – The Two Commandments – commentary by James Hastings

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Worship Wednesday – The Jesus Way – Phil Wickham

February 5, 2026 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” – John 14:6

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross. – Philippians 2:5-8

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22-23

I will always be grateful for Bernie Cantrell. She loved me enough to tell me the truth.

In my 20s, I had fallen in love with a fellow college student, and we dated into his medical school years. Much of it long-distance and all of it out of God’s will for my life. I had allowed myself to be deceived that him being Jewish and me being Christian melded together two of God’s chosen people. Great spiritualizing, right? His mother wouldn’t think so nor did mine. Not sure about his mom, but mine prayed.

Late in our relationship, I remember vividly a night at my women’s discipleship group, all of us sitting on the floor with our Bibles open, in Bernie Cantrell’s living room. They knew about my relationship with this young man. They knew also that my heart was sincere toward the Lord as well. This is what deception can do…you can be fixed on the way of the Jesus but your eyes can blur from misplaced desires, and, before you know it, you find yourself in a ditch.

I don’t remember if we were in John 14 that night, or if it became a kairos moment when Bernie felt the time was right to talk openly and directly to me about my relationship with this young man. She pointed me to the verse:

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” – John 14:6

That night, as she discipled me (all of us) on Jesus being the Way and only in walking in His way will we find Home, the Holy Spirit grabbed my heart. Shortly after that, both this boy and I mutually severed our relationship. Done deal. Full stop. No looking back.

Now there have been other times in life, when I was tempted to choose my way instead of God’s way for me. Seasons when life was hard and I even questioned my salvation (that season was the one of parenting small children – physically exhausting and emotionally overwhelming at times). There were hard seasons when entitlement raised his ugly head and when offenses made me blind with hurt and anger that God’s Word seemed too far out of reach…or beyond my sense of fairness. Misplaced desires.

These days (in our country and occasionally seeping into our church life), we are bombarded by the push and pull of political ideology, cultural swagger, family estrangement, and the sense that God is far away.

Truth: God is NOT far away. We have been drawn off course, but He is as near as a Shepherd’s voice. He is just ahead. His way can be ours again.

I am so thankful for the truth of Scripture. So thankful for friends and family who point me back to Christ when I get distracted or discouraged. So thankful for opportunities when the Lord allows for me to point sweet ones to the way of Jesus.

God tells us that His way is different (higher) than the one we, in our sinful bent, would naturally take. However, when we surrender our lives to Jesus as Lord and Savior, we don’t have to be bound to another way anymore. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can walk in His way. We bear the fruits of the Spirit in this world…on this path. What an amazing life we have, reflecting the humility, mercy, and love that Jesus displayed. How much it profits those around us! How much it pleases God the Father! Sometimes it’s me as “the least of these”…staying on the way of Jesus benefits me the most. No more twisted in the wind of Satan’s lies about me and about others.

The King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers or sisters, you did it to me.” – Matthew 25:40

This past Sunday, on an icy day from his office, Pastor Cliff preached on loving our enemies from Matthew 5:43-48. So good! In the worship play list for that morning, our worship leader Ryan included the Phil Wickham song The Jesus Way.

This song has replayed in my mind all week. Jesus’ way is not the way of this world. It is so beautiful and so worth our lives to point in this direction. To walk in His way daily “tapping into a reservoir that is not of this world but for this world” (from Cliff’s message). For our sakes, our neighbors, our children and grandchildren, and our enemies.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Worship with me.

[Verse 1]
If you curse me, then I will bless you
If you hurt me, I will forgive
And if you hate me, then I will love you
I choose the Jesus way
Oh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

[Verse 2]
If you’re helpless, I will defend you (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
If you’re burdened, I’ll share the weight (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
And if you’re hopeless, then let me show you (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
There’s hope in the Jesus way

[Chorus]
I follow Jesus, I follow Jesus
He wore my sin, I’ll gladly wear His name
He is the treasure, He is the answer
Oh, I choose the Jesus way

[Verse 3]
If you strike me, I will embrace you
And if you chain me, I’ll sing His praise
And if you kill me, my home is Heaven
For I choose the Jesus way

[Chorus]
I follow Jesus, I follow Jesus
He wore my sin, I’ll gladly wear His name
He is the treasure, He is the answer
Oh, I choose the Jesus way

[Bridge]
And I choose surrender, I choose to love
Oh God, my Savior, You’ll always be enough
I choose forgiveness, I choose grace
I choose to worship, no matter what I face
I choose the Jesus way, I choose the Jesus way
I choose the Jesus way, I choose the Jesus way

[Chorus]
I follow Jesus, I follow Jesus
He wore my sin, I’ll gladly wear His name
He is the treasure, He is the answer
Oh, I choose the Jesus way
I follow Jesus, I follow Jesus
He wore my sin, I’ll gladly wear His name
He is the treasure, He is the answer
Oh, I choose the Jesus way
Oh, I choose the Jesus way

[Outro]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh*

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21

The Jesus Way – Lyrics – Songwriters: Phil Wickham & Jonathan Smith

Faith Behind the Song: “The Jesus Way” – Phil Wickham – by Scott Savage

Practicing the Way – Course & Free Resources on Spiritual Formation

Worship Wednesday – For Christ-Followers – It’s Surrender – Not Self-Improvement – Deb Mills

Worship Wednesday – First Things First – With Consumed by Fire – Deb Mills

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Worship Wednesday – Loving Well, Hating Well

January 28, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: Destiny City, Don Vess

But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. – Luke 6:27-28

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

There are six things that the Lord hates,seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. – Proverbs 6:16-19

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone. Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” – Romans 12:17-19

Finally, all of you, be like-minded and sympathetic, love as brothers, be tenderhearted and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. – 1 Peter 3:8-9

The beginning of this year in the US has been marked with violence in the streets and clashes with federal agents. Social and news media posts are daily filled with critiques of one group of people vs. another one. Whole people groups. Division is high. Fingers pointed. Disdain fueled by distancing. Even Christians against Christians…sadly.

Writer, theologian Trevin Wax posted a blog this past week on something I’d never heard of before – censoriousness. It is defined as “the state of being censorious, which means having a tendency to blame, criticize, or condemn others. It often involves a habit of finding fault and reproaching others for their actions or opinions.”

How to Deal with a Censorious Spirit – Trevin Wax (really excellent read)

In John Bevere‘s book The Bait of Satan, he teaches on how to respond when we are treated unfairly. Our temptation is to react when someone berates or condemns us. We don’t feel understood. The same applies to those toward whom we express contempt. There is always more to the story. The saying “Two things can be true” is applied. Issues brewing in our country are not so simple as one side against another. The causes are multi-layered and complex. Oh for the simple to reign…and in God’s Word, He breaks down the complex. We are to pray for those in opposition to us (and vice versa). We are to be curious and seek understanding. We are not to allow the world and its evil to divide us. We are to remember that God is in control, and it is His prerogative to judge and make things right.

Photo Credit: Charles Brent, Heartlight

Clinical psychologist, leadership expert Dr. Henry Cloud’s describes how to hate well in his small and fascinating book 9 Things a Leader Must Do. He is wise and succinct on all the topics of this book but especially on hating well, and I quote him here:

“Hate is one of the most crucial ingredients of a good person’s character. What we hate says a lot about who we are, what we value, what we care about…Basically, we are defined in part by what we love and what we hate. You can tell a lot about people by what they love…[and] by what they hate…You can depend on people who…hate arrogance, lying, innocent people being hurt, harmful schemes, evil practices, telling lies about others, and things that stir up dissension among people. [the things that God hates – Proverbs 6:16-19]…The first thing that hate does for us is to help us move against certain traits and issues, thus becoming different from them…The second way hate benefits us is that it causes us to protect what we value…The third way that hate is a good thing is the flip side of protection. Hate moves us to destroy bad things, which are often the things that threaten the good. [However] Unsuccessful leaders hate in ways that solve problems as opposed to creating problems…The difference between leaders who hate well and those who hate destructively lies in the difference between two kinds of hate: subjective and objective. Subjective anger [hate] blasts other people, causes overreactions, dissensions, inability to resolve conflict, broken relationships…Make the subjective hatred objective. Transform it to the kind of hate that solves problems, protects things that you value, and stands against the things that you do not want in your life and work…[he/she] shows up with integrated character. When he brings hate, he brings love as well…and respect, kindness, and forgiveness [taking] a hard stand on a touch issue but remaining loving and kind in the process.” – Dr. Henry Cloud, 9 Things a Leader Must Do – pp. 73-83

In hating well, the focus is on unrighteous acts not on the offenders. It’s not personal. Hating well treats all people as God’s image-bearers. He says repeatedly in His Word that He will avenge, He will make right, He will repay. Because He is without sin, He alone knows just how far to go for the sake of redemption. Our own “righteous anger” moves to sin so quickly because the subjective nature of the offense catapults us to hatred, and not in a good way.

Using the name of Jesus to justify mistreatment of image bearers – Instagram post – Kendra Leeanne Kuntz

I was reminded on a zoom call earlier this week that we are one body with many members – some of us are gifted by the Holy Spirit to speak out against evil, others of us are more the encouragers and mercy-givers, still others serve both the church and those experiencing hardship in the world, and still others point us to the Scripture to make sure we believe what God says and not just what we want to believe He says…

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but think of yourself with sober judgment, according to the measure of faith God has give you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and not all members have the same function, so in Christ we who are many are one body, and each member belongs to one another. – Romans 12:3-5

God calls us to love well (following the example of the Godhead) and to hate well…the same. Only He is the One without sin. He alone can move our hearts to love as He loves and hate as He hates.

Photo Credit: John Stott, Heartlight

Monday Moment Morning – How Can We Keep From Hating? – Deb Mills

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Monday Moment Morning – How Can We Keep From Hating?

January 19, 2026 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: Heartlight

This weekend, we in the State of Virginia had our governor’s inauguration. It was another occasion of either relief and elation or concern and consternation. Our state and nation remains polarized in so many ways.

Can we disagree politically, philosophically, or ideologically…without hating each other?

We are in a season of hating or aligning with whole people groups. Maybe, in all of history, we have such seasons. A season where, if we aren’t careful, we hate a whole group of people or we love that same group, thereby putting us in grave opposition to the “haters”. At least, the news and social media platforms are telling us this is the case.

Whole people groups – be they Somalis, Afghans, Republicans, Democrats, Jews, Evangelical Christians. Whole people groups.

How can we keep from hating?

Maybe an even more core question: do we even want to keep from hating? What do we think is gained by hating another or a group of others?

Oddly, hating people can feel good. We feel justified in hating. Even morally superior. The dilemma here is that hating begets hating. Neuroplasticity is the process in our brain where negative thoughts, and resulting actions, become hard-wired, having a negative impact on our physical and mental health over time.

The Neuroscience of Hate: Why It Feels Good to Be Angry

The Power of Hate and Its Consequences – Andrew Mathews

I don’t want to simplify or downplay the reasons one might have to hate, but the devastating effects of it in our culture, community, families (and in our own brains) are worth taking a step back and considering.

Briefly, here are some actions to consider:

Call to mind the possibility that I hate someone/some peoples. “Check your heart” is a common refrain in my life. If I’m honest, are there persons/people whose actions, or personalities, offend me? Do my speech and attitude betray my hatred? Does this hatred feel justified? If so, do I give myself a pass for feeling such a strong negative emotion?
Consider what is below the surface of my hatred. Do I consider what I feel to be righteous anger? Is it righteous if it moves me toward hatred? In defending the rights of one group of people against another, am I committing the same injustice toward “the offending group” as I see being directed to the one I care more about? Or is fear what stirs me to hate? Or unfairness? We can have any number of reasons to hate. Addressing those reasons (with help, if necessary), brings our hatred more into the light. It doesn’t mean that we don’t seek change in the culture, but with greater care, compassion, and even empathy.
Seek understanding by leaning in to persons whose groups we are tempted to hate. Real, flesh-and-blood, face-to-face conversations can soften our tendency to hate. Asking questions, listening with care, resisting the temptation to argue, leaving the door open for understanding. This is a huge step toward stopping the hate. For those who pray, beginning to pray for that person can grease the tracks for you to love them – pray for her/his needs to be met, for protection and peace, for paths forward that don’t further divide us.

Photo Credit: QuoteFancy, Margaret Walker

8 Ideas for Managing Hatred – Michael Karson, Ph.D., J.D. – Psychology Today

4. Recognize that hating what is evil is different than hating people. Hatred dehumanizes people. Remember the persons with whom we disagree have children, parents, jobs, their own hopes, fears and strivings – just like us. They may even have a faith similar to ours…but the issue has overcome us/them and has pushed itself into paramount position. Extinguishing civility. We may actually agree on a wrong, if we acknowledge that we’re all trying to sort out the right path forward.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

5. For those of us who are believers, we have no leave to hate. For Christians, we are called by Christ Jesus to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:44). When hating becomes a habit, especially of a particular people group, we lose our way. Thinking it is almost our duty to hate. We have to guard against self-deceit.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Peter D. Kaufman, brilliant and highly successful businessman, gives wise counsel in this for all of us: “Go positive and go first, and be constant in doing it.” Determine to love, resist hating, don’t wait for the other person, and in every conversation and encounter, be constant in this effort.

The Multi-disciplinary Approach to Thinking – Peter Kaufman

Young businessman, world-changer Mitchell Wilson recalls Kaufman’s use of the phrase mirrored reciprocation. How this applies is when we engage others with love, listening as we seek understanding, being gentle where we disagree, we often get the same responses in return.

Wilson writes: “Peter doesn’t go into this in his speech [above], but I can’t help but think of Jesus’s core teachings that relate to the principle of mirrored reciprocation:

Love your neighbor as yourself
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Forgive those who trespass against you
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy
Turn the other cheek”

Mirrored Reciprocation: Peter Kaufman’s Profoundly Simple Insight That Helps You Achieve An Enjoyable Life | Blog

6. Don’t give up on developing the habit of loving instead of hating. This is definitely a spiritual disciple and a habit worthy of pursuing. Peter Kaufman also has counsel, from his talk above The most powerful force that could be potentially harnessed is dogged incremental constant progress over a very long time frame. We are going to have to fight against hating, especially if we have allowed it to take up real estate in our minds. However, as with anything worth mastering, the work needed to keep from hating will yield its fruit…if we don’t give up.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

[This blog was inspired by recent, terrible events in our country and also by the sermon at Movement Church yesterday. Our pastor Cliff unpacked Matthew 5:38-42 (YouTube video linked; image below) about showing radical love by resisting retaliation. Can’t wait for his sermon next week on “Love your Enemies” which may end up inspiring a Part 2 on this topic. Hope you stay with me for that one.]

Photo Credit: Heartlight

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Monday Morning Moment – Offense Revisited

January 12, 2026 admindeb Leave a comment

[Adapted from the Archives – Monday Morning Moment – Offense, Being Offended, and Taking Up Offense]

Processing thoughts on the difficult subject of offending and being offended, a song drifts into my hearing from Dave’s office. He is riding his bike (on a trainer) to a playlist that matches his ride (slow/fast/slow). This particular song pounding into my head is rock band The Eagles‘ Get Over It. [Dave will also pull that song up on the occasion he recognizes he’s having a pity party.]

I’ve had some great friends in my life who have spoken reason to me in times when something said or done to me (or to someone I cared about) offended. “Get over it!” was actually a helpful “slap” into reality for me. Reminds me of that old commercial, “Thanks! I needed that.”

The motivation for this piece is walking alongside people I love who have been deeply offended and don’t see a way to get past it. Offenses are hard, especially if they seem intentional.

We still have a choice. We can choose not to be offended…whether it felt the seeming offense was directed toward us or we are tempted to take up offense for another.

Author Desirée M. Mondesir writes a “slap to the face” piece on our culture’s move to looking for and taking up offense. It’s especially fascinating to me because she refers to a student revolt at Yale University. Having taught there years ago, I can see this gradual evolution from reason to riot. It’s a stunning change in society and we are none immune to it.

A Sign of the Last Days – Offense – Desirée M. Mondesir

Mondesir refers to this cultural shift as being a sign of end times.

“And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved.” – Jesus – Matthew 24:10-13

Sure sounds like today’s culture, in the US anyway.

Writer and counselor John Bevere has written a fascinating book on offense entitled The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense. The title put me off at first but in reading it, the whole issue of offense is highlighted as something that turns us inward and keeps us from healthy relationships with one another and with God. When you think about it, Eve, in the first pages of the Torah/Old Testament [Genesis 3:2-7], was the first of humankind to act in offense. In her conversation with the Serpent tempter, she reacted to the Serpent’s suggestion, questioning the instruction (and the goodness) of God. To me, it demonstrates her taking offense that she would be drawn into Satan’s ruse. Even acting in rebellion, presuming God didn’t mean good toward her. She decided for herself to eat from the tree (the one tree God had forbidden), and the consequences of her choosing continue to today.

What could Eve have done differently? She could have trusted God’s heart toward her. If she fell into doubt (through Satan’s cunning argument), she could have sought out the Creator first before she acted on a lie.

When Eve acted in this way, and took the bait, we can see how we, too, can be drawn in – becoming disoriented by someone’s words or deeds, and forgetting what is really the truth of the matter. Our emotions fly away with us, and we bind ourselves in the chains of offense.

Joe Levi puts it this way:

“Someone else cannot “offend” you – however, you can choose whether or not to take offense at something someone says or does.

Someone else cannot make you mad, happy, sad, or offended – you, and you alone can control how you react to the world around you.

Learn and apply that one relatively simple lesson, and you’ll be much happier in life.”

We may not be able to choose our immediate emotion over a word or action perceived as against us, but we can develop a habit or discipline to determine NOT to take offense.

Currently, the news media is having a hey-day with sound-bytes and interviews hand-picked to incite offense.

We can choose not to take the bait.

Photo Credit: Quote Fancy, Bryant Mcgill

As for personal situations, people who offend do not always mean to offend. [I don’t say this lightly. Of course, there are those who do. I also am not talking about abuse here. That is a whole other topic, but the principles still apply.] No one knows truly what’s inside us that gives us struggle, not even ourselves. Like the Mcgill quote states, it’s only in our response that we discover that which is still unresolved. Reacting in self-defense or in counter-attack mode brings more hurt. “Hurt people hurt people.” With practice, I can determine not to carry hurt away from a conversation or interaction.

In situations between two people, we can choose not to be offended, but how do we deal with the offense?

Advisor Charles H. Green describes the offender and the offended. He gives excellent counsel in his article Being Offensive vs. Being Offended – and Trust:

The offender communicates disrespect. A social violation occurs. Two people are involved and the resolution of that interaction requires input from both of them. When the one offended determines to engage in good faith, trying to seek understanding and rebuild trust, s/he may actually discover the intent of the offending person. A misunderstanding or an action following a perceived threat on the part of the offender may be the issue rather than an intent to hurt.
On the side of the one offended, this is not a social situation. It is deeply personal. Only the one offended knows the extent of the offending words/actions. For this reason, the offended person can refuse to think ill of the offender…and not take offense. Then take steps toward reconciliation or, if that’s not possible, make a personal decision not to be hurt by that person. This is not easy…especially at first in training one’s responses.
“The answer is a little paradoxical: We should strive not to offend or disrespect others. At the same time, we should also strive to not feel offended, or disrespected, for long. In other words, we should strive to be kind socially, and to feel free psychologically.”
Forgiveness opens the door wide to reconciliation. Forgiveness can defuse the hurt. Boundaries may come into play, but if the boundaries are built out of fear, dread, anger, or hatred, we are still not free from offense.

My biological father abandoned us long before my mom left him (before my sixth birthday). I saw him only twice after that. For years, I wrote him letters with no response, and then I stopped. My love for him grew cold. If he had any sense of needing forgiveness or asking for forgiveness, I don’t know. He died before I told him I forgave him. Every time this comes to mind, forgiving him is revisited. That’s a regret for me. However, I know the beautiful experience of forgiving a long-played offense from my older brother. Robert, who had deep pain of his own, struck out at others. My response for years was being offended at him or taking up an offense for other family members. It wasn’t pretty. Then, thanks to the wisdom and honesty of friends, I came to my senses on his offenses and my reactions. No more taking up an offense when Robert attacked…and the attacks died. He and I became closer than we had ever been over our lives. In fact, he gentled in his relationship with our siblings also. Those brief years (which could have been more if I had understood sooner) were great blessings (hopefully to both of us). When he died suddenly in his 60s, I carried no regrets. #Unoffendable #Forgiveness – I forgave him and he forgave me…without the words but walking out forgiveness with each other. So much grace in that.

Photo Credit: Unoffendable, Brant Hansen

Thoughts?

Being Offensive vs. Being Offended – and Trust – Charles H. Green

Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better – Brant Hansen

What Is the Difference of Being Offended and Harmed? – Robert Enright

Stop Being Offended Today: 3 Cures for Everything That Irritates You – Bill Apablasa

Forgiving in Two Dimensions – Peace Pursuit

Mel Robbins on the “The Let Them Theory” – Sarah Fielding

Photo Credit: Brant Hansen, Unoffendable, Pinterest

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Monday Morning Moment – Anger, Contempt, & Forgiveness

November 10, 2025 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: Heartlight

[Turns out I’ve written about contempt several times – if you can set aside some time – you can reference these as well.]

I have a dear friend who differs with me on much of our country’s current politics and policies. However, we continue to be close. Some intentionality in both of us must be at work. No matter who won the elections last week or who’s responsible for the latest government shut-down, whatever our thoughts are on these subjects, our friendship stands. Though our solutions to the ailments of our nation may not align, our hearts resonate with each other. Neither of us holds the other in contempt over these external issues. In fact, conversations with her always increase my understanding of these stressful situations and lead to great compassion for those in the midst of those situations.

This is not always the case in family and friendships.

Some of the postings on my social media in recent days have been riddled with anger “at the other side”, whatever that entails. These are friends in real life. Decent, caring people. However, there seems to be an imperative these days to point out the bad behaviors of others, those considered political enemies. Not just behavior but character. One side devaluing the other. Anger, maybe even righteous anger in the beginning, too often progresses to disgust, or worse contempt.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Anger is a negative emotion that confronts an action/behavior of another (peer or peer group). Contempt takes anger to a lower, darker place. Contempt demonstrates superiority as it simultaneously dismisses and devalues the other person or group, seeing her/them as inferior. It dehumanizes.

“Anger and contempt are the twin scourges of the earth, these bitter emotions form the poisonous brew in which human existence stands suspended. Few people ever get free of them in this life, and for most of us even old age does not bring relief. To cut off the root of anger is to wither the tree of human evil.” – Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy p. 151

Photo Credit: Psychology Spot

It’s slow going, but I am learning not to allow contempt to gain space in my mind and heart. Like other negative emotions, contempt doesn’t only poison relationships but it poisons the mind of the one who entertains contempt.

John Murdock writes on this subject:

“Willard argued that in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus was not just pulling marbles from a bag, presenting individual gems of wisdom that could be considered independently. Instead, the order of the presentation mattered greatly. “It is the elimination of anger and contempt,” he asserted, “that [Jesus] presents as the first and fundamental step toward the rightness of the kingdom heart.”

Conversely, today it is the systematic elevation of anger and contempt that is often rewarded across the political spectrum.”

Then, yesterday, we had this incredible teaching on anger and forgiveness at Movement Church. Pastor Cliff powerfully preached on Matthew 5:21-24:

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Cliff talked about how God’s law has affected morality across the world – most of us get through life without murdering anyone. However, Jesus revealed how, if unchecked, our thoughts and words (be they face-to-face or written in social media) can have murderous impact.

We may think we’re doing the world a good service by pointing out the wrong thinking and actions of others. However, if we lack care for them, if we lack compassion or love, our words draw deep lines dividing us. Tall, thick impenetrable walls between us. And, God forbid, we don’t even care? I’m asking.

Jesus pointed to anger and contempt as deterrents to worship. If we care about being right with God, then we have to confront our part in being wrong with people. We may feel offended and then justified in our reaction to another person/group’s behavior, but acting in anger or contempt hurts everyone involved. Everyone.

One day, maybe our culture will shift to being more kind and long-suffering with each other. Being curious, seeking to understand, leaning in rather than being repelled. Until that day, or if that day never comes, what kind of person do I want to be? What do I want to practice in front of my family…my friends, my neighbors…even my enemies?

What is Contempt? An Intense Feeling Under a Mask of Coldness – Psychology Spot – an extremely helpful resource

Monday Morning Moment – Contempt Revisited – Deb Mills

What Is Contempt – Paul Ekman

Moving Beyond Chronic Resentment and Anger in Relationships – Steven Stosny, Ph.D.

Is Contempt a Form of Anger?

Monday Morning Moment – the Culture of Contempt and How to Change It…or At Least Yourself Within It – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Contempt is Cancer in the Workplace…and Any Other Place – Deb Mills

Disdain, Dallas Willard, and Donald Trump – John Murdock

Photo Credit: Heartlight

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Monday Morning Moment – Finishing Strong – On the 23rd Anniversary of Mom’s Glorious Homegoing

November 3, 2025 admindeb 6 Comments

Mom and me, Tennessee Christmas

[Adapted from the Archives]

We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed – always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. – 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

My Mom was a young 72 when she was diagnosed with cancer. We were overseas at the time, and I wanted so to be home with her. She was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma – at the time, supposedly “the best kind of cancer you can have”. Highly treatable. Long remissions. Often cured. Mom would die after 3 years of intensive, and sometimes experimental, chemotherapy. She never caught a break. Yet, she didn’t look at it that way.

Her journey with God in those days was other-worldly. The Mom I knew loved to serve people, and cancer would not stop that. She had grown up poor and with a dad who could be mean when he drank. She dreamed of college but it was never meant to be. Instead she became a student of life, and she never tired of that. She was a beautiful blend of Mary and Martha – wholly satisfied whether “sitting at the feet of Jesus” or serving the needs of those around her. I love that she was my Mom.

She taught me how to live…and she taught me how to die. We were home in the States when Mom’s cancer finished its course in her. She stubbornly guarded her time at home and had the will and the support (of my Dad, family and friends) to endure from home…and there was God, holding her tight against the storm.

Mom never prayed for healing, but we did. Mom prayed that this cancer, the illness and all that was part of it (including a devastating Shingles-related neuralgia), would bring glory to God. Her prayer was answered, and ours, ultimately, in Heaven.

Her dying took three days. If you had known my Mom, you knew a person that was all about life – helping and encouraging others, pointing them to God, determined, in faith, to make sense of what seemed utter nonsense. She continued to be about that until she went into a coma the last day. While she was awake that final weekend, I asked her (over and again) how she was. One time, I remember, she nodded a bit, and whispered, “I’m O.K.” It was her face that spoke volumes. Forehead lifted, blue eyes bright, an almost sunny expression. That “I’m O.K.” was accompanied by an almost delighted look of marvel…of wonder. Like, “Wow! I really am O.K.!” God was meeting her at the point of her greatest need.

Mom and I have always had amazing talks about the deep things of God and life. She told me one time that she envied us our certainty of His call to a life overseas. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard God speak so clearly to me,” she lamented. In the last days of her life, it came to me to ask her if she heard God speak to her lately. She answered right away, with that same look of wonder, “All the time!” If cancer had to be the instrument of such grace, then it became a gift to her.

Mom entered Eternity during the reading of 2 Corinthians 4:7-10 (see above). Her young pastor and his wife came unexpectedly that evening, rushing in, wide-eyed, as if on a mission. We brought them back to her room, and they sat with us, around her bed. She had been unresponsive all day. Her pastor opened his Bible and began reading. Mom had this sweet habit of knitting her forehead and shaking her head, in response to something that touched her heart. As he read, after being quiet and still all day, she knit her forehead and breathed her last. We all felt transfigured in that moment.

Tomorrow marks 23 years since Mom went to be with the Lord, and I miss her today and every day. She was so spent when she left us, yet gloriously whole at the same time. A bit of prose from Henry Van Dyke always comes to mind in thinking of her Homegoing.

Gone From My Sight by Henry Van Dyke

Photo Credit: Curt Ellis

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.”

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me — not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

Mom taught us how to live…and she taught us how to die. She “fought the good fight…finished the race…and kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7). For us, there is still a race to be run.

Thanks, Mom, for showing us how it’s done. See you at the Finish Line.

When it’s all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters:
Did I do my best to live for truth, did I live my life for You?
When it’s all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I’ve done for love’s reward
Will stand the test of time.

Lord, Your mercy is so great
That You look beyond our weakness
And find purest gold in miry clay
Making sinners into saints

I will always sing Your praise
Here on earth and ever after
For You’ve shown me Heaven’s my true home
When it’s all been said and done
You’re my life when life is gone.

Lord I’ll live my life for You.

Mom’s Irises

YouTube Video – When It’s All Been Said and Done

Monday Morning Moment – Mom – a Lifetime Full of Love Notes – Her Birthday Just Ahead of Valentine’s Day – Deb Mills

Mother’s Day – On Mothering and Grandmothering – a Life of Love, Launching, and Lifting to God – Deb Mills

Her Children Arise and Call Her Blessed – Charles Spurgeon’s reflections on a Godly mother