Now, betrayal is not something I have thought much about. Then a few minutes into this TED talk, and a light goes off for me. Therapist Holli Kenley brilliantly describes betrayal, its terrible impact on our lives, and how it affects our sense of self. Different from grief where our loss is another person or thing. Betrayal initiates a loss of self – what we believed about ourselves, in relationship with another person or persons. It can be devastating, and yet, there is a way forward. Always, a way forward.
Often we think of betrayal as applying to infidelity in marriage, but betrayal can include many more situations. Kenley offers 4 definitions of betrayal:
an investment into someone or something that is met with rejection or abandonment
a profound trust that is profoundly violated
a belief that is shattered or a truth that becomes a lie
when someone who is important to us but is unable, unwilling, or incapable of showing up in the role they have been given and to carry out the responsibilities of that role (parent, spouse, mentor)
Betrayal is a broken trust. When trust is violated, it brings waves of shame and guilt. Why?
We don’t expect it. We especially aren’t prepared by the assault betrayal perpetrates on who we are as people.
Kenley describes 3 states of being that occur with betrayal:
Confusion – we lose our balance. “Why did this happen?” “I didn’t deserve this.” “It’s not supposed to be this way.”
Worthlessness – The confusion then spirals into a sense of worthlessness. “It must be me.” We question our own worth [which is a terrible consequence of betrayal].
Powerlessness – Lastly, as we try to correct the situation by pushing for someone else to make it right or fix it, we find no path forward…or more pain than healing.
Healing is possible, but it won’t be from the outside. We have to right ourselves, Kenley observes. I love how she points us toward the opportunity for healing within the betrayal…through the betrayal.
With the confusion, we reinstate what we know to be true.
When worthlessness washes over us, we redefine who we are.
When powerlessness paralyzes us, we do what we need to do to reclaim our voice and recover our power.
I get that all this sounds too simple when it is extremely complicated…but doesn’t it resonate?! For me, it was a huge encouragement.
If we were having coffee together, we would be able to recall betrayals. Some may not have capsized us. Praise God for that. However, there are those betrayals that require us to right ourselves. To choose not to live under the cover of shame (or denial if it’s too painful) when someone rejects us or destroys our dreams. If we believe the only way we can have healing is if that person makes things right, we put way too much power into their hands. Also, it is a mindset that keeps us powerless.
I’m very thankful for Karen Swallow Prior’s own handling of her life betrayals. If you read her story, she takes a wrong and works something beautiful out of it. The healing isn’t complete but it gives me great hope. As for Holli Kenley’s helps, it’s like being in a wise and kind therapist’s office. It’s a beginning.
Don’t let betrayal have the last word. You matter. Your life. Your worth. Your legacy to next generations. Generational trauma in the family, in the workplace, and in culture can be confronted and stopped…with us. We may not be able to correct betrayals in our past, but we can right ourselves…and demonstrate to our children and grandchildren how beauty can indeed come out of ashes.
[Many of the notes above were captured from the Holli Kenley TED Talk above and the video below.]
Everyone talks about how the weeks fly by, and I can tell you it does not slow down…at least it hasn’t for me. The wise live like there’s no tomorrow. That’s not to say we don’t plan for the tomorrows of life but we should never presume upon them.
My Mom (pic above) had cancer for three years. A very treatable cancer. She should have been cured of it…but she wasn’t, at least on this side of Heaven she wasn’t. I miss her every single day and she’s been gone almost 20 years.
I wish we would have had more time. More time with her and our kiddos with her as well. They gained so much from her…and would have gained so much more. From her and also from my Dad who’s now in Heaven as well.
In the extended family on my mom’s side, I am now the oldest. So weird. Especially living states away from siblings and their families. In reality we find our relationships shrink down to a couple of visits a year…and in those visits just a few hours of face-to-face time.
I long for more and attempt to open that window a bit. Phone calls and an occasional card. Social media contact. They have busy lives (we all do, for sure)…and we live far apart. And so it goes.
These young ones receive well my small communications and treat me as a cherished member of their family. It means the world…because my world without my folks, my older brother, and others in that generation past…is emptier. Yours?
We have a heritage. Our parents instilled values – deep, enduring, life-transforming values. We shook up and sifted those values in our own young adult lives, and held on (and passed on) those most treasured. As children grow up, marry, and have adult friendships, values are influenced and reshaped. It is the way of generations folding one into another. Some values we may ourselves have mislaid and have been reinvigorated thanks to our children, spouses, and young friends.
All that to say…
Our parents’ impact in our lives continues. Their own love and struggles translated into their parenting and into the hard wiring of our own brains. Love and struggle. We pass it on. Fortunately, as we see in our children’s lives, some of the best of their grandparents remains in them (and us hopefully).
A much-loved 91y/o father and grandfather in our extended family died this weekend. Unexpectedly. As we grieve, we are comforted in the knowledge that he knew the Lord and was prepared for the inevitable last day of his life. We are also comforted that he knew well how much he was loved and honored, not just by his children, but by his grandchildren as well.
This is huge.
We have a moment with these old ones. These grandparents of ours. Spend it well. Draw strength and wisdom from them in these final years of their lives and ours with them. Communicate love for them. Allow yourselves the treasure of drawn-out visits with them. There is time. There won’t always be time, but there is time today.
In our little family, our kids only have one grandparent remaining. MomMom. She prays for them every single day and through the day. She is not a polite, check-the-box pray-er for them. She fearlessly storms the throne-room of the King of the universe. She wrestles against the evil in this world on their behalf and she dreams big for these grandchildren of hers. What a blessing she is! So thankful she is still in the crowded rooms of our lives.
Saving space for you, MomMom. Thank you for reflecting the beauty of generations…the beauty of God Himself. Thank you for being so real and so human. We see Jesus in you. So grateful for you and these moments with you…
Either I’m slowing down or the weeks are speeding up. Fridays come fast, and my posting on Friday’s is challenging. Thanks for hanging in there with me, Friends. Here are this week’s favorite finds:
1) For the People – If you like TV law shows, For the People is one of the best out there. An ensemble cast with incredible chemistry and older counterparts to learn from and act with…Photo Credit: International Business News
The writers are clearly well-researched on the law and the judicial system (at least in New York City where the show is based). The dialog is riveting…the subject matter penetrating. Impossible to come away from this show unaffected. Even if it is just a TV show.
2) Nurse & Teacher Appreciation – This coming week is both Nurse and Teacher Appreciation Week here in the US. May 6-12 this year. Across our lives, we owe a great deal of gratitude to both teachers and nurses…in our own lives and that of our children’s.Photo Credit: Vanguard Promotions
A few days ago, a state senator (who will remain nameless) balked at supporting a bill that would require uninterrupted meals and breaks for nurses. She stated that nurses probably played cards much of the day. Wrong! We don’t always get the attention we would like from nurses (because of the needs of other patients), but it isn’t because they are lolling away their shift.
In high school, I was trying to choose between nursing and teaching as a career. Nursing won… My daughter is a teacher. Two very demanding careers and amazing people within those professions.
Shout-out!
3) Fluoroquinolones Toxicity Awareness – A couple of years ago, I experienced a medical emergency. It was terrifying and I would have taken any treatment to recover as fast as possible. While waiting on blood culture results, the doctor, thinking I probably had pneumonia, prescribed Levaquin (Levofloxacin). In the first days of taking the drug, I became weaker and weaker. An odd weakness. Like I could not lift my arms or legs normally. As if they had just lost all strength. The cultures were inconclusive for pneumonia, but he told me just to finish the course of antibiotics. Confused about my symptoms, I started reading about the adverse toxicities of Levaquin. Muscle weakness was a more rare reaction, but not so rare that it had become alarming to the Food & Drug Administration. It has required the drug manufacturers to publish alerts, to both prescriber and patient, of the possible dangers of these drugs.
Levaquin is one of the antibiotics in the fluoroquinolone family. These antibiotics are highly effective but potentially highly toxic as well, with adverse reactions which can be irreversible. Another commonly prescribed antibiotic in this drug family is Cipro.
As I write this, just hours ago a 37y/o woman, Rachel Held Evans, died of complications of a bizarre allergic reaction to antibiotics given to her for a urinary tract infection and flu. What drugs were they? No information there. Just can’t get the possibilities out of my mind…
I’m a strong believer in the medical model and have experienced excellent care through the years. Still…these drugs scare me. I now have them on my “Allergic to” lists on my medical record.
5) A Legacy in Cancer Support – In my adventure in downsizing or decluttering, I came across a box previously stored in Dave’s parents’ attic. It had been there since we went overseas in 1995.
It contained memorabilia of my season in nursing focused on supporting cancer patients and their families (in Kingsport, Tennessee). Professional journals (I was once a contributor and also on the editorial board of Cancer Nursing). Books on cancer survival. Cancer nurse retreat folders. Support group pictures. Cassette tapes of soft music and comedian routines. Notes from lectures/talks I’d given in the old days (transparencies instead of powerpoints!!). Those were different days.
I passed a baton in those days…when my life turned a corner, leaving behind a career I loved…for another I would love as well.
That baton is still being carried by another nurse…my partner in those days – still clinically sharp, innovative, caring, and able. When I think of the nurses that should be celebrated next week, Kathryn Visneski is at the top of the list. Appreciate you, Friend.
That’s it for this week. Thanks for spending this bit of your weekend with me.
[Today’s blog is Part 3 of 3 – excerpts from a talk given at an ISBC Women’s Ministry Holiday Dinner with the theme: Vintage Christmas – Matters of the Heart. See Part 1 – Capacity – here; Part 2 – Caring – here.]
We’re talking about matters of the heart – the kind of character our Godly mothers, grandmothers, and great-aunts demonstrated…that we learned and want to pass onto to our children and grandchildren.
…which takes us to the last character trait to consider…for us in this generation, and for generations forward (when we will be considered vintage…but God isn’t).
Constancy
No matter how old we are, we have people in our lives who are constant. They are those we count on; those who always show up. No. Matter. What. They are faithful to God and faithful to us. Let’s just take a moment to think, even looking around us, at some of those dear women in our lives. Let’s remember those who aren’t with us anymore but who taught us how to be constant in our love and in our lives.
When we lived overseas, we were daily reminded of how only God could work the miracles that must be worked for people to receive the truth of the Gospel. Our neighbors were steeped in a very different worldview. They saw Jesus as a good man but the Saviour. The fact that we desperately need Him to restore us to a holy God was foreign to them.
Every day…every single day…God called us to show up with His love and His word…in those places and for those people. That constancy was tested every day because it would have been so easy just to stop showing up.
One of the verses from God’s Word that kept us going was Galatians 6:9 where Paul encouraged believers, saying,“Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest if we do not lose heart.”Photo Credit: Pinterest
God has already promised us that His purposes are not thwarted; He will complete His work; He will finish what He started in us.
God calls us to keep showing up…following His example in our own lives.
This is how we get to “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23). By showing up, time after time, with whatever gifts we have. We don’t have to be rockstars of any kind…we have a God who equips us to be exactly what is needed in any situation. Our constancy radiates His greatness. We can count on Him.
A few years back, I discovered a Christian sister, by the name of Kara Tippetts. We never met but she wrote in her blog in such a way it was like receiving a letter from a dear friend. She wrote about her walk with God through a relentless cancer. Over the course of her diagnosis and treatment, she adjusted to a very different life. However, she continued to show up. For her family. For her friends. For all of us who watched for every report of her life and how God met her each step of the way. She modeled showing up…and emboldened those in her life to show up for her…in all that hard.
Just shy of her 40th birthday, she finished her race and went to be with the Lord. Leaving behind 4 sweet children and an adoring husband.
It was both terribly sad and gloriously beautiful.
In the last months of her life, she managed to write three books…three books!!! The last one was a dialog between her and her friend, Jill. By that time, it was all Kara could do to show up, the disease had so done its ill.
This is what she had to say about constancy…even in the hardest of situations…
“If God asks us to do something, then He’s also going to show up to carry us through it. And when we walk in community with one another, we will be kept.”
He is faithful. His infinite capacity fills our small hearts; His perfect love magnifies the care we offer to others, His steadfastness gives us what we need to be constant.
In His strength and love, we become the women of that adage: “When her feet hit the floor, the Devil says ‘Oh no, she’s up!’” The evil one battles with us to fail…but we will not, with our eyes on God.
From Genesis through the whole of Scripture, we see the word “shield” and that God is our shield. Against any evil. When we take God seriously and put our lives wholly in His hands we become a force to reckon with – whether we’re 14 or 50 or 82. We will experience attacks from the evil one – he doesn’t want us to be successful as Christ’s image-bearers. We may even take friendly fire from other believers. It happens, and sometimes the enemy is us…but God take what was meant for evil and make it for good in our lives. We have His promise.
Hear the Word the Lord: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full of armor of God so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. – Ephesians 6:10-11
Brent Curtis, a Biblical counselor and author of a favorite book of mine The Sacred Romance, wrote about how God demonstrates His own constancy when we show up for someone:
“God graciously showed me this several years ago while I was in the midst of an intense, three-year spiritual battle on behalf of a client.
One night, David (not his real name) called me on the phone at three in the morning, in the midst of painful spiritual torment. We talked and prayed and I began to read from the Psalms. Finally, I could hear by his deep breathing that he had fallen asleep. As I lay on my dining room floor…something wonderful and strange took place.
In my heart, I heard a voice say, “Brent, forget about the battle. You’re here with me now. Rest.” I looked up, actually expecting to see God in some way, or perhaps an angel. What I did see was the light in the room change. I find myself wanting to say it grew more distinct, almost more personal. I only know I discovered that my hand was raised in the air in worship. I didn’t decide to raise it. I am not, by any means, an expressive person in the charismatic sense of the word. It was simply as if there was no other appropriate response and my hand acted accordingly. For several minutes I basked in what I can only describe now as God’s warmth and love toward me. The epiphany ended with me reading the Twenty-third Psalm and others it seemed the Lord had chosen to assure me that I was not alone in the battle.”
When we live with capacity for Him, caring for others, and constancy in being there, we may, at times, come under attack, but we will never be alone.
The Old Testament prophet Zephaniah reminds us of this: “The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will be quiet in His love. He will delight in you with singing.”
No matter what your situation…even when you feel God has been “too quiet” in His love…or you have been waiting such a long time for something…God’s love is constant, trust in that, and God is in the waiting, with us, Dear Ones.
[Special thanks for the ISBC Women’s Ministry and the opportunity extended to me to speak at their holiday dinner. The sweet beauty of the Vintage Christmas displays was surpassed by the faces and hearts of the women present. They would make their grandmothers proud. I was unable to get images of all the women so will leave you with a few more images of just some of the tables. Blessings.]
[Today’s blog is Part 2 of 3 – excerpts from a talk given at an ISBC Women’s Ministry Holiday Dinner with the theme: Vintage Christmas – Matters of the Heart. See Part 1 – Capacity – here and Part 3 – Constancy – here.]
We’re talking about matters of the heart – the kind of character our Godly mothers, grandmothers, and great-aunts demonstrated…that we learned and want to pass onto next generations.
From building capacity, we can move to that character trait of genuine caring. Caring that comes from a heart full of love. We all love…it’s part of our nature. This kind of caring isn’t the love that we in our human effort alone can make happen. This is a love that comes from Jesus to us…and then through us to others.
Every morning, I wake up to this view – my bedside table and the wall beyond it. A framed print hangs right where I see it first thing – a little cherub nestled in an open heart with the words inscribed: “Heart full of love”. A dear friend gave this to me before we went overseas. Like other keepsakes from so many of our friends and loved ones, it reminds me of their caring, and inspires me to be and do likewise.
The Bible is full of calls to love. God is perfect in His own love for us and He then commands us to care for one another. Through every season of our lives. The earliest God-fearers mentioned in the Old Testament were taught to 1) love God and 2) love each other as they would themselves. Jesus also taught these two very same greatest commandments.
The night before He was crucified, in a room with his closest friends and followers, Jesus took that commandment up a notch: “A new commandment I give to you: that you love one another just as I have loved you; you also are to love one another.”
Without Jesus filling us with such love, we could never even fathom how to love others like He loves us. Laying down our lives for one another as He laid his life down for us.
It is obvious how we all benefit from such great love received by Him and lavished on others. During that last supper together, Jesus and those dear to Him, He went on to give one more incentive to love – one more world-shaking incentive. “By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
As we love God, and receive His love, we are moved to keep our eyes on Him and allow Him a place in our lives to display His love in all kinds of ways…we can care for others as He cares for us.
“We love because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19
In all the seasons of our lives, we deal with people not like us, people we consider haters or spoilers. People who hate us so we are tempted to hate them right back. There are also those people who are just plain indifferent to us or to those we love. Lastly, there are those who are stranger to us. We don’t know them; we don’t need to know them, we think. Whether we believe we are this way or not… how we act toward others is telling.
We were living overseas when 9/11 happened. We came home a year later, and we discovered an America that had suffered so much loss. It was like we as a people had circled our wagons. Even in the South, people didn’t make eye contact, or chat with store clerks or strangers on the street, or generally engage people they didn’t know. It seemed just easier, less risky, to be home with just a few people. Us four and no more, right?
Jesus calls us to care for those closest to us, those easy to love, those who care for us. It’s a joy to love them. His call goes much farther, though…for our own sake and that of all we encounter.
God calls us to care…to love…as He does.
This is the largest sincerity check of our lives. The life of the Christ-follower is a life of love…of deep caring…of caring beyond comfort.
We have all heard the response “Well, it’s not about you.” In our flesh, we totally want it to be about us…but…
When we make the substance of our lives about ourselves, our lives get very small. They seem big to us because of all the responsibilities we carry; all the cool stuff we get to be about. However…what could our lives be like if we cared, truly cared, about others…any others, all others?
“To fill up on God, you begin to have more than enough love for others and yourself because the God Who IS love is operating on the inside of you.” – Cassia Glass
We can be the people through whom the world sees Jesus. Because of our love, our care, for each other.
This kind of caring is costly. It cost Jesus everything. Whatever the cost is to each of us, young or old, we gain so much more than we give. A 19th century missionary, Amy Carmichael, spent her whole life serving orphans in India, cast-off little girls who would come to know God’s love…through Amy. She had this to say about what caring costs and what we gain in caring:
“Let us not be surprised when we have to face difficulties. When the wind blows hard on a tree, the roots stretch and grow the stronger, let it be so with us. Let us not be weaklings, yielding to every wind that blows, but strong in spirit to resist.”
I want to just stop right here a moment. You…you women right here have shown yourselves to be this kind of Christ-follower. You have built capacity for God to show up through you. You love through all kinds of hard. You know from God’s Word that our battle is not against one another…the Evil One wants to break us and divide us and tarnish what the world sees of God in us. You stay strong, Dear Ones…and keep tending the embers of love, in the midst of this hard place. God will keep showing up.
Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross. For this reason God highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow— in heaven and on earth and under the earth—and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.– Philippians 2:5-11
Lost for words today.
The precious daughter of some dear friends left this world way too soon. She was grown with a daughter of her own. I know few details but in recent days, life just got too hard…
We want to cry out against the evil of this world and the Evil One. Darkness perpetrated against us can be so thick, so heavy. We struggle against it…
A world of hard takes its toll.
Again, words fail, but when this song Only Jesus came on the radio today, it soothed my confusion and gave me peace…in that very moment.
Whatever this world has to offer is nothing compared to Jesus. Even in our darkest moments, when we can’t see any way forward, nothing diminishes who we are in Him.
We all leave legacies of some shape or form. Maybe they are worth building…worth remembering. For sure the good we do in the work of our lives has value…the positive impact it makes on those around us.
The best we can leave to those we love is a life that points to Jesus. A life that gives hope that we will see each other again. A life that , even when cut short here, will continue There…because of Jesus. Only Jesus.
Make it count, leave a mark, build a name for yourself
Dream your dreams, chase your heart, above all else
Make a name the world remembers
But all an empty world can sell is empty dreams
I got lost in the light when it was up to me
To make a name the world remembers
But Jesus is the only name to remember
CHORUS
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
All the kingdoms built, all the trophies won
Will crumble into dust when it’s said and done
But all that really matters
Did I live the truth to the ones I love
Was my life the proof that there is only One
Whose name will last forever
REPEAT CHORUS
Jesus is the only name
Jesus is the only name
Jesus is the only name to remember
Jesus is the only name
Jesus is the only name
Jesus is the only name to remember
REPEAT CHORUS
I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus*
Within two days of Jesus’ crucifixion, just hours before, a woman would anoint his body for burial… Here is the strange and glorious account of that event:
It was two days before the Passover and the Festival of Unleavened Bread. The chief priests and the scribes were looking for a cunning way to arrest Jesus and kill him. “Not during the festival,” they said, “so that there won’t be a riot among the people.”
While he was in Bethany at the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at the table, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured it on his head. But some were expressing indignation to one another: “Why has this perfume been wasted? For this perfume might have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they began to scold her.
Jesus replied, “Leave her alone. Why are you bothering her? She has done a noble thingfor me.You always have the poorwith you, and you can do what is good for them whenever you want, but you do not always have me.She has done what she could; she has anointed my bodyin advance for burial.Truly I tell you,wherever the gospelis proclaimed in the whole world,what she has done will also be told in memory of her.” – Mark 14:1-9
Our pastor Cliff Jordan’s sermon on Mark 14:1-11 brought this account alive again to us. [Listen to the podcast linked above.]
The woman who poured out her treasure – possibly all she had in the world – in worshiping the Lord – was no stranger to him. She was Mary, sister to Lazarus and Martha – friend and follower of Jesus.
Surrounded by the disciples at his host’s table, Jesus was enjoying the company of these men so close to him. Mary entered the room without ceremony and straightaway broke open an alabaster jar containing this expensive perfume. [That jar was like her security – equivalent to a year’s wages in that day – “compared to her love for Jesus, it was nothing”, Cliff preached.]
She would pour that extravagant oil over his head. She then took the dripping oil into her hands and rubbed it on his feet. Drying off the excess with her own hair. The men in the room took loud exception at what they considered her frivolous act…but not Jesus.
“Leave her alone. Why are you bothering her? She has done a noble thingfor me.You always have the poorwith you, and you can do what is good for them whenever you want, but you do not always have me.She has done what she could; she has anointed my bodyin advance for burial.Truly I tell you,wherever the gospelis proclaimed in the whole world,what she has done will also be told in memory of her.”
Two days later, Jesus would give his all on a cross. Beaten and bloody he would die…for us…holding nothing back. It was a Friday, and Passover. By the time his body was released to be buried, his followers had to rush, because of the late hour, laying his body in the tomb, wrapped but without anointing oils.
No worries. In the quiet of that Passover evening, Jesus’ body, caked with blood mixed with his sweat, the fragrance of Mary’s love offering must have remained…must have sweetened the stench of his death. He gave his all for us…she gave her all for him.
“Love is a laid-down life.” (Elisabeth Elliot) – We experience that in Jesus, those of us who know him. We see that in Mary.
Pastor Cliff asked the questions: “What is my alabaster jar? Where do we place our security? What can’t we imagine life without?”
I can’t imagine life without Jesus and knowing his love and his great gift of salvation. Everything else pales.
From our years living in Egypt, we have kept two small alabaster votives. The light they emit is both enthralling and beautiful…so like the act of Mary’s giving all she had to her beloved Jesus.
Friday has come and gone this week. These favorite finds of this week come to you in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Still…there were too precious to me to be lost to you. I hope you are encouraged in these finds.
1) The Legacy of Dr. Billy Graham – Pastor to US Presidents and faithful messenger of God’s Word – Billy Graham died this week at 99. Years ago, he had this to say about dying:
Someday you will read or hear that Billy Graham is dead. Don’t you believe a word of it. I shall be more alive than I am now. I will just have changed my address. I will have gone into the presence of God. – Billy Graham (and also Dwight Moody previously)
I’ve known of Dr. Graham my whole life. When he was having one of his evangelistic crusades and it was televised, that’s what we watched, growing up. There was almost a reverence about those events – not idolizing him but an awareness and expectation that God would move in the hearts of people who heard the message of hope that Dr. Graham preached.
Dave and I, in our first year of marriage, were counselors at his Hartford, Connecticut crusade. Below is one of his sermons from that week’s events:
I wonder how many who are reading this also have memories of this man. This man who never turned from the God who loved him and called him to preach to the nations. This man who stayed faithful to God all the days of his life. If you have memories of Dr. Graham, please share them in the comments.
2) Beyond the Guitar – This week classical guitarist Nathan Mills posted his latest arrangement of themes from the video game Shadow of the Colossus . This theme video game has been remastered and re-released this month for PlayStation 4.
If you’re not a gamer, this may seem of little interest to you – the music from this game, even if it’s considered one of the greatest video games made. However, if you love guitar music, don’t miss this beautiful piece.
3) Teacher Villages – This week I heard of an innovative move on the part of the City of Newark, New Jersey. The problem that this city government was addressing was the loss of teachers, year after year. Apparently, finding affordable housing became such a financial barrier for teachers, they would take to leaving and moving to a more suburban school system.
Teachers Village is a huge enterprise built in downtown Newark. Within the multi-block complex, there is housing (marketed to teachers, in particular) as well as schools, shopping, and other retail and service sector elements.Photo Credit: Jersey Digs
This is helping to bring life back into the city schools of Newark…as well as the downtown neighborhoods.
Newark is just one of several cities investing in teachers by making housing available to them. How about where you live?
4) Black Panther – What a film! If you haven’t seen it yet, you will want to. Just to celebrate the people of this fictional yet fantastic place called Wakanda…and to celebrate the possibilities in our own real world.Photo Credit: Desiring God, Black Panther
In the movie, Wakanda is a fictional African homeland hidden from the rest of the world. It is uncolonized, technologically advanced, brimming with black excellence and beauty, industrious, mountainous, breathtaking. But the utopia itself, not the black superhero, hit an ancient ache that four hundred years in America hasn’t come close to soothing. We rally around superheroes like the Black Panther because we hope that they can lead us to Wakanda. – At Home in Wakanda – Greg Morse
In God’s word, I learned that his Wakanda has borders that expand beyond cultural similarity. All nations, all tribes, all tongues share a common citizenship, an everlasting fellowship that unites irrevocably. And this reality has already begun.
In Christ, I can greet a teenager in the mountains of Guatemala as “my brother.” I can divulge my deepest pains to an elderly white woman as I ask her to pray for me. Marrieds commune with singles; the rich dine with the poor. The healthy church is a foretaste of the coming paradise where Jesus, our King, unites a people of differences. Our distinctions don’t disappear, but a greater reason for unity appears. This family is connected by better blood: his.
In God’s coming Wakanda, he offers something even greater than the world of Black Panther: a unity made perfect through diversity. The different colors will complete the painting. The different notes will strike the chord. The eye will join with the nose and the arm to make the body whole. In that place, union — not uniformity — will be the greater light. There, the temporary brotherhood of the Panther will be engulfed by the diverse and eternal oneness of the Lamb. – At Home in Wakanda – Greg Morse
5) Belonging – I’ve written on this before – on the power of noticing, on inner circles and belonging. It’s something we all need…to be gathered in; to be chosen; to be included; to be a part of something larger than ourselves.Photo Credit: Re-Live
I read a piece this week by this extraordinary young woman, Rachel Macy Stafford. She writes about being new in a situation and the anguish of trying to be a part of a group of women who were just plain not interested.
As she used the painful experiences as a teachable moment, she said:
“Remember this.”
Remember this when you are in familiar territory and someone new walks up looking for guidance.
Remember this when you see someone on the outskirts anxiously holding her own hand.
Remember this when someone approaches you and asks a question – see the bravery behind the words.
Remember this when you see someone stop trying – perhaps he’s been rejected one too many times.
Remember this when you see someone being excluded or alienated – just one friendly person can relieve the painful sense of feeling invisible.
Remember the deepest desire of the human heart is to belong … to be welcomed … to know you are seen and worthy of kindness.
With one invitation, we can take someone From outsider to insider From outcast to beloved member From unknown neighbor to coffee companion From wallflower to life-of-the-party From shortened life expectancy to 80 years of joy.
Here’s the link to her article in full. Don’t miss it.
That’s it for this week…way overdue. Have an amazing rest of your weekend. You never know what a difference you make in the lives of those around you.
Bonuses:
In Defense of Thoughts and Prayers – Scott Jones – one of the most insightful pieces I have ever read following a tragedy – it’s in the bonus section but needs its own deep consideration – I hope you read it and gain as much as I did.
The week has wound down to Friday again. I love Fridays not because the week is “finally” over but because it’s a day that gives the week an exclamation point. Or a period, as the case may be. This Friday is an exclamation point around here. Closure to a long and full week; closure with joy. Hope your Friday punctuates such a week as well. Savor the finds of your week…and mine.
1) Stranger Things – Buzz abounds right now as the Netflix sci-fi TV series Stranger Things debuts its Season 2 this weekend. I haven’t seen even the first series because of its spookiness; the latest trailer creeps me out. However, this series is crazy popular with younger folks. The brilliant music sets the tone of the suspenseful nature of the story…set in the 1980s, with the disappearance of a boy and his friends and parents trying to search out what happened.
Beyond the Guitar‘s Nathan Mills has just posted his arrangements of some of the lovely haunting melodies from the series. Watch here.
2) Fierce Friends – How grateful I am for friends who don’t give up on me. You have friends like these, too – those who love us enough to tell us the truth without ripping our hearts out. Friends who will keep loving us no matter the distance or ideologies that could separate us but don’t. These are fierce friends…friends who “stick closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). Just this week, I looked around a room full of women who deeply love each other but have some very different stances on issues that matter to all of us. The tension was palpable but the love more so. Our culture today seems peopled with friends when convenient, fair weather friends, and friends with benefits. Friends who politic together, work together, play sports together, or drink together. Take away the activity, and the friendship fades. What a wonder are these fierce friends who stay with us through the worst…those we know have our backs and we have theirs.Photo Credit: Quotesta
“Real Spiritual friendship is eagerly helping one another know, serve, love, and resemble God in deeper and deeper ways.” —Timothy Keller
“When connections are real, they simply never die. They can be buried, or ignored or walked away from, but never broken. If you’ve deeply resonated with another person or place, the connection remains despite any distance, time, situation, lack of presence, or circumstance… Real connections live on forever.” —Victoria Erickson
“True friends aren’t the ones who make your problems disappear. They are the ones who won’t disappear when you’re facing problems.” —Author Unknown
“If you fishin’ for a friend you just gon’ catch and release, then I ain’t got no desire to be your friend…but if you is lookin’ for a real friend, then I’ll be one. Forever.” ― Ron Hall, Same Kind of Different as Me
Who are some of your fierce friends? Please share in Comments if you want to give a salute to some of them.
3) Sarah Harmening – This past June, a lovely 17-year-old girl from Alabama on her way to love on children in Botswana…died. It was a bus accident in Georgia and we all heard/read about it in the US. Her name is Sarah Harmening. It’s been four months and the wound of her loss is still fresh and painful for those who knew and loved her.
So young yet she reflects a walk with God that radiates His goodness and glory…she seemed one glad for the opportunities to serve Him but more glad for the day to see Him. I look forward to meeting her in Heaven some day. In memorial to her, I’d like to re-post her last journal entry, written while on that fateful bus trip:
“I was just sitting here on the bus feeling a little sad. I guess because I’m going to be gone so long and I was a little uncomfortable. Then I decided to read my Bible. I prayed and opened up to 1 Peter 5 and 2 Peter 1. Pretty much everything I read applied to me now. It talked about watching over the flock entrusted to you which would be my little buddies in Botswana.’”
“I am also called to humble myself which I will need to do and that also means being a little uncomfortable. It talked about the devil prowling about like a lion seeking whom he may devour which he will especially be doing on this mission trip. And now it is our mission trip. And how we will need to be alert and of sober mind. And lastly, how we will get to participate in His Divine Nature! I mean how awesome is that?
So mostly, I was just reminded of why I am here and that God has called me here and His has done this for a reason. So, I know He’s going to do incredible things.”
In a text she sent just before the crash, she quoted 1 Peter 5:23-25 and her thoughts about the text:
Since you have been born again—not of perishable seed but of imperishable—through the living and enduring word of God. For
All flesh is like grass, and all its glorylike a flower of the grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord endures forever. – 1 Peter 5:23-25
“‘This is such a great reminder. We are like a wisp of smoke. We are only here for a moment and this not about us, life is not about us, it’s about God who is eternal. So, I want to dedicate the one moment I am here, completely and entirely to Him’”.
4) Mother Daughter Bucket List – I’m not much on bucket lists because really all of life is such an amazing ride, I haven’t thought to add anything that isn’t already happening. Then writer Susan Merrill posted a mother daughter bucket list and linked to various other sweet possibilities (for other combinations of family members). It got me thinking so I asked my daughter what she might like to do together:
Thanksgiving, farmers market, flea market, beach day, apple picking, college campus if we were ever near there, baby pics, movie set, farm, cooking family recipes together, rainy day movies, read your favorite books from childhood, picnic…
Got me thinking and making plans to execute some of the above. Merrill’s lists include other family members, so I’ll be asking.
“I used to spend a lotta time worryin’ that I was different from other people, even from other homeless folks. Then, after I met Miss Debbie and Mr. Ron, I worried that I was so different from them that we wadn’t ever gon’ have no kind a’ future. But I found out everybody’s different – the same kind of different as me. We’re all just regular folks walkin down the road God done set in front of us. The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or somethin in between, this earth ain’t no final restin place. So in a way, we is all homeless – just workin our way toward home.”
― Denver Moore, Same Kind of Different as Me
After the book made Denver Moore famous, he was invited to speak in many settings, including the White House. How he wanted to be introduced:
“Tell ’em I’m a nobody that is tryin’ to tell everybody about somebody that can save anybody,” Moore told Hall.
That’s the wrap on this week’s Friday Faves. Would love for you to share in Comments what has made this week all the more special. I am so grateful you read my blog. Please subscribe if you don’t mind. Blessings until next time, and be kind to yourself and each other. If you read this far, you are among those fiercest of friends, I’m sure.
Here’s to another Friday. As the heat of summer fades slowly into the cooler shorter days of fall, at least some of us welcome the change. This, like so many weeks, has had its unexpected joys and challenges. I so appreciate the wisdom, helps, and encouragements that lift and help us to stay in our lanes.
Below you’ll find my 5 Friday Faves for this week plus as many bonuses at the end. It was a rich week…hope yours was as well. Also, please share any of your finds in the Comments section. We all can happily learn from each other.
1) Replacing Your To-Do List – Leadership coach Tony Stubblebine has posted a brilliant piece on doing away with our to-do lists. He prescribes a problem-solver, thinker model of interstitial journaling. This makes productive use of the space between completing one project and starting the next. It entails jotting a few sentences in a journal (electronic or paper) – summarizing what we finished and jumpstarting our thinking on what is before us. This takes our to-do lists to a whole new level of getting things done.
“We weren’t built for multi-tasking, so transitions between projects are very tough. We end up getting lost in procrastination. Even when we manage to transition quickly into our next project, our brain is still thinking about the last project. That means our second project suffers from partial attention. The science of multi-tasking says partial attention can mean a 40% or more reduction in cognitive performance. The Interstitial Journaling tactic solves all of these normal problems. It kills procrastination, empties our brain of the last project, and then gives us space to formulate an optimal strategy for our next project.” – Tony Stubblebine
This article is hosted on Medium which offers Members Only reading (free membership) but it should allow you to read it on a first-time link click. That’s how I found Medium…and lots of helpful reading through it.
2) Unsung Heroes – As I write this week’s Friday Faves, we have just finished our remembrance of the 9-11 terror attack and losses of 2001. Reading again about so many courageous victims and families, first responders and a nation in shock and grief helps in sorting out afresh what happened that day.
We don’t know what was the intended target of hijacked Flight 93 but we do know that several of the passengers heroically charged the cockpit. Among them were Todd Beamerand Mark Bingham. What courage!
Another man I didn’t know about until this year was Rick Rescorla. He was the director of security for a very large company in the South Tower of the World Trade Center. After the first plane crashed in the North Tower, the building occupants were advised to stay at their desks, but he knew better. Rescorla got them all out as quickly as possible and returned to the building to make sure that everyone was out. He never got out with the collapse of the South Tower.
This running into danger instead of away is what we’ve come to expect of first responders, but we should never stop remembering them…or the cost they often pay.
3) Legacy – This week, seminary professor Chuck Lawless posted a thought-provoking piece on leaving a legacy – What Kind of Shadow Are You Leaving Behind? He listed 14 possible “shadows” we cast for our children, colleagues, and friends. They include: Unbounded Love, Continual Selfishness, Material Idolatry, Genuine Faith, Committed Parent.Photo Credit: Pixabay
We cast shadows whether we plan them or not. They happen over time. Better for all of us to decide and intentionally establish what kind of shadow, what kind of legacy, we leave for those we love.
After you read his list, what would you add? If you comment, I’ll also share the ones that came to mind not on the list.
4) Gaslighting – Have you ever heard this term? I had this extraordinary Aha moment this week when this term came across my Twitter feed. If you’ve had this experience you will find these definitions familiar:
“Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target’s belief.” – Wikipedia
“Gaslighting is a colloquial term that describes a type of psychological abuse in which the abuser denies the victim’s reality, causing him/her to question him/herself, his/her memory, or his/her perceptions. The term gaslighting is also sometimes used to apply to the use of inflammatory behavior or language that provokes someone to behave in an uncharacteristic way.” – TheGoodTherapy.org Team
Gaslighting often happens in relationships when one person uses a sometimes subtle manipulation to cause the other to think maybe she/he misunderstood or over-reacted to something the former did or said. In this unhealthy situation repeated over the course of the relationship, the one being “gaslighted” can begin to distrust her/himself and even go as far as to question their sanity.
I have had this experience and it is highly unsettling.
Think of how brutal this can be for a twosome, family, or work team.
Read psychologist Stephanie Sarkis‘ two pieces below. Very helpful.
Schwantes encourages us to respond rather than react in a conflict situation. His seven action points follow (read more of his article for his commentary on each one).
Get perspective.
Take a 6-second pause.
Stay humble.
Try empathy.
Ask the most conflict-diffusing question. [“Are you ok?” What’s going on?”….what else would you think would diffuse the situation?]
Speak from your authentic self.
Be the first to reach out after conflict.
Don’t miss the brief video at the end of Schwantes’ piece on 3 Simple Questions to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence.
Okay, Friends…let’s have a safe weekend, enjoy the weather, and be kind to those along the way.
Bonuses – Fascinating and worthy of their own Friday Faves slot – it was a rich week of learning and savoring what others bring to the table.
Photo Credit: Hossam Abbas Photography
