Category Archives: Transitions

Books, Inspired, Lessons Learned, Life Skills, Lives Full of God, Marriage, Transitions, Walk with God

Sacred Marriage Seminar – A Morning with God, My Husband, & Gary Thomas

August 25, 2014 admindeb 2 Comments

I’ve been married 30 years to the same man. Well, not really. He and I have both changed considerably – not in our core values so much or our deepest heart desires, but in pretty much every other way. We grew up a lot, married to each other. I am especially thankful he hung in there with me during some of those tough early growing up years.

This past weekend, we had the joy of together attending a Sacred Marriage Seminar with Gary Thomas (sponsored by First Things First of Greater Richmond). Can’t remember the last marriage conference we participated in. One friend said, this weekend, on hearing we’d attended, “I won’t go to marriage conferences any more. until I start applying what I’ve learned at previous ones.” [Of course, we know their marriage pretty well…loving, honest, devoted to God and others…including each other.]

Gary L. Thomas has made a deep study of marriage over many decades and his wisdom has been a great encouragement to us. Our absolute favorite book on marriage is his Sacred Marriage – What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than Happy? Thomas is not precluding happiness as part of marriage. By no means. What he does is to encourage the reader to fix our focus on our walk with God as the true foundation for the great joys possible in marriage.

If you are single (or single-again) and hope God has marriage in your future, I would encourage you to read Thomas’ book The Sacred Search. Those single years for me could have been far less dramatic and traumatic if I’d known then what I know now. This book is a good start in gaining wisdom for that season.

If you are married, happily for now or unhappily for a long time, you might consider reading Sacred Marriage. As in the too-frequent Sunday-to-Monday sacred-secular divide, there can be the same spiritual disconnect in our marriages. Persevere. Don’t give up. Not on each other, and especially not on God. I don’t say this lightly…dark days come to all marriages. I know. What I also know is that God loves His children, and our weakness can actually display His great strength (2 Corinthians 12:9).

[Hear my heart, if you are divorced or in a second/third marriage, there is no judgment here. Only hope for you, singly or together with your spouse, to know and love God and the glory of His love for you.]

I leave you with some of what Gary Thomas says through these books and the Sacred Marriage Seminar. Hopefully, you’ve heard from me that it’s not about Gary Thomas…but about a God who desires true intimacy for us – with Himself and with each other.

The spiritual challenge of marriage is that “We ALL stumble in many ways.” (James 3:2) — Gary L. Thomas, Sacred Marriage Seminar

“If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there’s no question—stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can’t imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise.” — Gary L. Thomas, Sacred Marriage

“Women, ask yourself, what will you most desire in your man ten years from now, when you have kids and a house and are sharing a life together and the infatuation has faded? Find that. Look for that.” — Gary L. Thomas, Sacred Search

“None of us is so fascinating that we can keep someone enchanted for 50-60 years. But if we’re joined in seeking God’s Kingdom [Matthew 6:33], then there’s plenty of drama for a lifetime. Selfishness is boring. Being centered on His purposes is riveting and bonding.” — Gary L. Thomas, notes from Sacred Marriage Seminar

“If I get married for trivial reasons, then I’ll get divorced for trivial reasons. If I get married to “seek first the Kingdom of God” then that never changes and my marriage is on rock-solid ground.” — Gary L. Thomas, notes from Sacred Marriage Seminar

“Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance.” – Gary L. Thomas

“I wouldn’t be surprised if many marriages end in divorce largely because one or both partners are running from their own revealed weaknesses as much as they are running from something they can’t tolerate in their spouse.” — Gary L. Thomas

“Your spouse is a child of God, too, so meditate on God as Father-in-Law. He knows His children better than anyone knows them. We need to pay attention to God in how He cares for His children – like a daddy watching out for his little girl – and love our spouse as He loves them.” — Gary L. Thomas, notes from Sacred Marriage Seminar

First Things First of Greater Richmond

Gary Thomas Website, Blog, Resources

Singles and “The Sacred Search“

Excerpts from Gary Thomas’ The Sacred Search

The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas {A Book Review}

10 Essentials for Your Marriage

Sacred Marriage Small Group Bible Study Videos

Gary L. Thomas Quotes from Goodreads.com

Another word on marriage – with engaging comment section including comments by Gary Thomas

God, Lessons Learned, Transitions, Walk with God

To My Younger Self

August 23, 2014 admindeb 2 Comments

I feel so tender toward that little girl and young woman that I used to be. There was a time, not so many years ago, that memories of my childhood through my twenties made me flush with confusion, anger and regret. I was hard on that younger self. Growing older and deeper in love with God gives such glorious perspective.

If only I could go back and reassure myself then with what I know now….

To that school-age girl – I would say, “God sees you. He is good. He will keep you safe. (Psalm 33)”

My parents divorced before this wee version of me was six. Lives turned topsy-turvy as Mommy sorted out how to care for four little children, and Daddy disappeared. She did take care of these little ones, and that was a glimpse for this mini-me of what I know now. God reached out to this little girl through strangers. Neighbors invited us to church, and there we learned of a good God who loved us and would never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5). I gradually trusted this Father God.

To that high-school girl – I would say, “Look at yourself through God’s eyes, Girl. See how gifted and beautiful you really are. You matter to God, and that is all that really matters.” That teen-aged version of me had the usual adolescent angst and then some. She worked so hard to please others and sought approval from her peers, approval that would never be satisfied. Those years started a pendulum swinging between the church which she loved and the world where she wanted to be loved. I want to wrap my arms around that bewildered teenaged me and plant into her heart the sweet truth of her identity in Christ. Somehow she [I] missed that message in those years…of who we are in Christ – His child, a new creation, chosen, holy, blameless, loved, and complete in Him (John 12; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 1:4; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).

To that young woman in her twenties – I would say, “You don’t have to make things happen. See how God has already worked…trust yourself into His hands. He’s working everything out” (Romans 8:28). That 20-something me had done well academically and was situated in a challenging and fascinating job. Life was still a bit dizzying because, not having had this talk yet (or the one I would give my teenaged self), she was still of a mind that she was messed up somehow. Maybe it was the still present father wound, or the disappointments of her teen years, but she struggled with enormous self-doubt and deep guilt. She believed one day she would be “exposed” and everyone would see that she didn’t know enough, wasn’t good enough, somehow had faked her way through life. I remember vividly the strain of these years on that younger me. I am thankful for Godly women, in those days, who loved that younger me – so driven, restless, and searching. It took some convincing, but thanks to their not giving up on her, and the Holy Spirit stirring her heart, she [I] took hold of the God who had never let go all those years.

Those early years of pain, loss, and confusion seem long ago now. Looking back, though, I find God there with that younger me. ..so gentle and patient. I am not able to speak to that younger self, but there are younger ones in my life today that remind me of her. Listening, I speak to them.

Your Identity in Christ

Family, God, Home, Lessons Learned, Marriage, Transitions, Walk with God

30 Years Married – a Walk with God as Much as With Each Other

August 3, 2014 admindeb 4 Comments

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. – Colossians 3:15-20

How can we be as young as we are and be married 30 years? Maybe we don’t seem so young to others…but these years seem to have zoomed by. The flight of years shows in our bodies and minds, but for us, it is most apparent in the launch of adult children into their own lives and marriages. Then…it comes back to just the two of us.

Our marriage has never been the stuff that draws much interest on Instagram or even Facebook. My husband and I married best friends. We were polar opposites in most ways, except our faith and being raised in Southern families. He was “read and follow directions” marrying “fly by the seat of her pants.” It was definitely a match made in Heaven because we would need the God of Heaven to keep us on course as we figured marriage out…both without and, later, with children.

I’ve often quoted Elisabeth Elliot on love and marriage. Two thoughts come to mind. She speaks of love as being a “laid-down life.” She also talks of marriage as being good for Christians to mature in their walk with God, because [in marriage] “there’s so much scope for sinning.” My husband has taught me a lot in both of these areas, and I, him – hopefully more on the lines of laying down our lives for each other, rather than the scope for sinning part…sigh.

Whatever these thirty years have produced with us together, the best of it has been 3 great young people (and the extra children who’ve joined our family through them, so far). Alongside of them is the unalterable way the Lord has knit us together, my husband and me, with each other and with Him.

I have no idea what is ahead, except for what is promised through God’s Word. Whatever is ahead, I am so grateful for what I’ve learned through this man who married me 30 years ago. He has given me a face of one who does not give up, of one who fights for what is right, of one who is tender toward the weak, of one who loves no matter what. I have been both the recipient of this and the one on his side as he extends himself to others.

Now, we are two again…as in the beginning of our relationship. Yet we are at a very different place. God has shown Himself to be ever-present in all these years of our lives. He’s given me exactly what I needed in this husband of mine – a man as true as steel in his walk with God and with his family. We count on him; he counts on God. Whatever happens out there in front of us…I have peace, on this eve of our 30th. anniversary that God will be there for each of us, to show us how to live…as He has in all these years thus far.

Through the Years – YouTube video of Kenny Rogers Ballad

Brad Hambrick – Great Marriage & Family Counselor – Helps Online

Sacred Marriage – What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy – by Gary Thomas – Such a great book!

An example of Elisabeth Elliot’s counsel to one marrying – Always forgive.

Elisabeth Elliot Quotes

Bookmarked Summer, Books, Culture & Religion, Inspired, Lessons Learned, Transitions

Bookmarked Summer – The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

July 31, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

Summer…So many thoughts flood our mind at the mention of the word. Longer days. No more school (usually). Family vacation. Road trips. Reunions. Abundant fruits and vegetables. Cookouts. For our family, all the years our children were in school, wherever we were in the world, summer also meant a reading program. We always got a head-start on the books in their next reading level. That may sound like punishment, but it wasn’t. We all gained from each other’s reading. New characters, new places, mysteries and adventures, history unknown to us until we read about it in these books. Our summers were always marked by whatever we were reading – bookmarked.

The summer reading program is behind us all, but we still have an avid reader in our daughter. She continues to introduce our family to lovely stories, and such was the case with this strange-titled little book – The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.

Written by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows (an aunt and her niece), this little book is a historical fiction with some of the confounding twists of plot reminiscent of Jane Austen novels. This story is set in England, in 1946, shortly after the end of World War II. It focuses on the correspondence of a young writer, Juliet Ashton, and various people in her life, including her publisher, a childhood friend, a suitor, and a group of book club members on Guernsey Island.

During World War II, the tactical decision was made that the Channel Islands could not be protected from the Germans and therefore left on their own. They were occupied for most of the war by the German military. In fact, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society emerged in this isolated hardship situation.

“We clung to books and to our friends; they reminded us that we had another part to us.”

Through an odd turn of events, Juliet struck up a friendship with one of the island dwellers, and that friendship grew to include all of the remaining book club members as well as some of the other less literary islanders.

“It was so kind of you to write to me about your experiences during the Occupation. At the war’s end, I, too, promised myself that I had done with talking about it. I had talked and lived war for six years, and I was longing to pay attention to something – anything – else. But that is like wishing I were someone else. The war is now the story of our lives, and there’s no subtracting it.”

Through the letters between Juliet and her new-found friends, she was so moved by how they survived the German occupation, that she arranged a visit to Guernsey. The visit became a lengthy stay and her life was changed forever.

Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows*

I loved this story. Historical fiction has never been my favorite because the details (intertwining the history of the period with the characters) usually wear me out in the reading. This story engaged my mind and heart so well that I could smell the salt air and feel the sea mist in my hair. Yet, the terror of war coupled with the consolation of friendship became as real as if I were there in that moment. It surprises me that Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows are not English (Mrs. Shaffer is from West Virginia) because they crafted the story as if it happened to them. It was deeply personal to them. Some of the beauty of the book could have come out of their love for each other, as Mrs. Shaffer’s failing health required Annie to finish the book for them both (published in 2008, after Mary Ann Shaffer died). What a legacy for them together…

The picture below is the first page of the book.

It alludes to the curious way Juliet Ashton, the leading character of the book, came into the lives of the Guernsey islanders. My daughter recommending this book to me in the long days of this summer gave me a similar experience. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society has marked not only my summer, but my life.

There is still time…don’t miss this book this summer. If you’ve had the pleasure of reading it, you know what I’m talking about.

“That’s what I love about reading: one tiny thing will interest you in a book, and that tiny thing will lead you onto another book, and another bit there will lead you onto a third book. It’s geometrically progressive—all with no end in sight, and for no other reason than sheer enjoyment.”

Guernsey Occupation

Fact File: Channel Islands Invaded

Telling the Truth about the Channel Islands Cost Me My Friends

Short Video about the book featuring author Annie Barrows

Goodreads Quotes from the book

*Photo Credit – www.anniebarrows.com

Lives Full of God, Transitions, Walk with God, Workplace or Marketplace

Worship Wednesday – Blessings Disguised – Laura Story’s Discovery of the Mercies of God

July 30, 2014 admindeb 3 Comments

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. – 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

The first time I was aware of Laura Story’s song Blessings was last week on a perplexing workday. I was on an errand, and this song came on the radio. The sweet love of God washed over me, bringing perspective to my work situation and lightening my heart.

Later, I read online that the song Blessings came out of Laura Story’s journey with her husband, Martin, through the diagnosis of his brain tumor. After years in treatment, he is doing well today and they have a little daughter. He still has some issues related to his treatment, but they’re living in a new normal, with a deeper faith in God and joy in the life they have together and with Him.

Life brings all kinds of twists and turns. Sometimes a tough day at work but other times a painful, life-altering diagnosis. Sometimes a relationship betrayal; other times a devastating failure or disappointment. Things just don’t always go as we think they should. Yet, as we cling to God, we find His faithfulness.

We discover, as Laura and Martin did, that God’s mercies are revealed in these places of pain and confusion. He is there in that dark place with His children, and He will bring us into the light again.

Take a few minutes and worship our faithful God, meditating on His presence with us in these “mercies in disguise”.

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Chorus

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Blessings – Lyrics from KLove

Story of Song

More of Back Story

Photo Credit – Blessings Album Cover

Indescribable also written by Laura Story and performed by Chris Tomlin

Culture & Religion, Lessons Learned, Life Skills, Transitions, Travel

Stop…and Then Go – Connect with Internationals

July 22, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

For many years, our family lived overseas. When work takes people out of their home countries into other cultures, we can embrace the experience or insulate ourselves from the experience. I loved living overseas. The people who invited us into their lives were some of the kindest, most generous people we’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Our family tried to live very intentionally, learning all we could about the ebb and flow of life of each new culture and what mattered to the people there.

Our friendships grew deep, even when we didn’t share the same religion or the same traditions, we lived life alongside each other. We learned from them and they learned from us. Now, working back in the U.S., I find that we’re on the flip-side of that experience. We have many, many internationals living in our city, and some are our friends. They are here for school or for work or for refuge from war or other disasters. Just as local people overseas reached out to us with help and hospitality, we want to reach out to these internationals who are now our neighbors here.

Rachel Pieh Jones, in her blog Djibouti Jones, lists out 20 things expats should stop doing if they are going to really thrive in their host countries (where they’re currently working or studying). I was intrigued by this list and saw how some of Rachel Jones’ observations would be helpful when applied here, by us in our home countries. Out of her list of 20 “stop’s” – things to stop doing in order to make a foreign place more your home – I adapted 10 (with her permission) to help us be less “foreign” to internationals/immigrants – those who are among us gradually making this country their home (even for a season). As we are willing to stretch out our lives to truly welcome internationals in, we can help make it possible for them to feel at home here (for a season…or a lifetime).

10 Things We Should Stop Doing if We Desire to Build Relationships with Internationals

Stop complaining. We complain a lot, and often about first world problems. We also too often complain about peoples of other nationalities (both those in our home country and in their own). If we truly desire to demonstrate the love of Christ to them, we look for what is good (about our own country, and theirs). Focus on what is good about both their country and our own. Look for the common denominators that build bridges.
Stop putting off language learning. You may not have any ambition about learning another language, and for sure, most internationals living here for school or work are doing what they can to master English. Still it is a delight for any of us to hear even a few words in our own language. Rachel Jones talks about the great impact you can have by learning even a few words: “Make their day by putting in the time, effort, and laughter to honor their language.”
Stop hanging out with only other Americans. Internationals, and especially immigrants, will find each other, and tend to also gather just among themselves. However, if you reach out to a neighbor or colleague or fellow student, you will, more often than not, be well-received. Strike up a conversation and gently ask questions about them and their country and their culture. You may be opening the door to a friendship beneficial to you both. Visit your new international neighbor (bearing in mind possible cultural constraints, but don’t let those keep you from extending hospitality). Are there immigrant vendors/proprietors in your neighborhood? Call them by name. “Celebrate holidays with gusto”, Jones says, (both yours and theirs).
Stop your addiction to social media. There’s a lot to be said about what we gain from social media. Eventually, however, to really engage with international/immigrant neighbors or coworkers, you have to get up, go out, and meet them where they are. Just this week I celebrated the discovery of an authentic Japanese noodle restaurant with a young Japanese friend. She just graduated from her university here and, with no family in the US, we celebrated together as family.
Stop taking yourself so seriously. To pursue cross-cultural relationships, you will make mistakes and sometimes misunderstand social cues from an international friend. You will make mistakes, sure, but your friend knows your heart. People who don’t make mistakes in international relationships simply don’t have them..at least at any deep, constant level.
Stop ignoring beggars. This may seem a strange point in this list. Rachel Jones’ family has made their second home in a very impoverished African country. If you live in a US city, you have probably encountered beggars. They are most probably Americans, not internationals. Still beggars are found in most cultures. How to respond to beggars is a challenge for us all. It may be a case-by-case decision, but seek the Lord about a Biblical response to beggars. Beggars remind us all of how Jesus said, “The poor you will always have with you.” Your immigrant/international friends will take note of how you respond to beggars. In her blog, Jones said, “That doesn’t mean to start giving to them; decide your own convictions on that. But look at them and talk to them. Ask their names and listen to their stories.”
Stop ignoring the international press and international events[observed locally]. To often we focus on the news reports that only affect us. As you develop friendships with internationals, seek out news items that affect them or their families back home. Participate in their cultural events or festivals when possible.
Stop shopping only at the more high-end stores. Of course, there are internationals who are very wealthy and shop in those stores, too. This is just to keep in mind for the others in your lives. Find where your immigrant friends shop and how they manage to feed and clothe their families. You may learn how to better, or more creatively, do the same for your own family.
Stop being afraid. Examine your heart about what makes you afraid of being in the lives of internationals. Is it the language difference? Their culture? Are you afraid you might offend? Or you afraid a friendship might be too time-consuming? Or will it become awkward if they need jobs or a visa? Or is it an issue of love – you are not even sure how you feel about them being here? With God’s help, deal with the fear and allow Him to work in your heart to build bridges, rather than walls.
Stop thinking you can solve the(ir) country’s problems. I heard a very strange news report this week that enemy nations were accusing each other of killing their own people and blaming the other side. We live in strange times, and it’s difficult to know really who to believe about politics or the world’s problems. We all have opinions about how nations can improve the situation for their peoples, but very few of us are in a position to make that happen. Praying and loving, in Jesus’ name, are our best tools to help our friends as they look back “home” and long for things to be better there.

A Bonus: Rachel Pieh Jones ended her list of 20 Stops with:

20. Stop forgetting to call your mom. Good advice for us all.

I hope you found this helpful. Jones’ blog for expats reminded me of how we’re all pilgrims on this journey. Whatever we can do to help and understand each other will make community for people who very much need community…and in demonstrating the love of Jesus to these immigrants/internationals, they gain much more than just our friendship.

20 Things Expats Need to Stop Doing

Family, Inspired, Transitions

Remembered in Her Will – A Chance to Change the Future if Not the Past

July 15, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

[ Continuation of the story from The Father I Never Knew – On Father’s Day ]

An aunt I never knew remembered my brothers and me in her will. She was my father’s older sister. When my parents divorced, I was not yet 6. My mom divorced my dad, and our understanding as children was that his family wanted nothing more to do with us. It seemed true as decades have passed without contact with them. Whatever childhood memories I had of my relatives on my dad’s side are gone.

Then through a search on the part of a cousin of my aunt Pauline, my father’s sister, we were found. This cousin and Pauline were very close, and the cousin, Mrs. Betty Anne, is actually responsible for our being remembered in our aunt’s will. Aunt Pauline had planned to leave some money to the children of one brother, and this cousin, encouraged her to remember her other brother’s children as well…even though she never knew us.

It turns out, as we heard the story from this lovely lady, that our family on my father’s side did want to know us, but didn’t know how…I will never know the details of that longing. My father made few attempts to see us after the divorce, and, I suppose, lost track of us…even though we grew up close by. My mom lived in the same house a county away for nearly 40 years, an address my father knew. All my wonderings about this will never be satisfied. My paternal grandparents, my father, and his siblings are all gone now.

However, there is hope in these situations, I am finding, and it doesn’t just happen to other people.

Mrs. Betty Anne, this dear cousin of Aunt Pauline, tracked us down. In our visit with her, we talked about the family we shared that she knew well and we didn’t at all. She said our father was a good man. He always dressed well, and was handsome and charming. He didn’t work much (which we knew from our mom’s account), but he was a good man, she would say often.

What was bittersweet, during this long-awaited “re-acquaintance”, was how she talked about our aunt and how she had wanted to know us. She was 97 when she died this Spring, and probably wasn’t internet-search-savvy. We would have been easy to find really…but it did not happen. I regret her loss, and our own…to not know each other.

Now, weeks after this first visit, I’m continuing to learn about my other family through Mrs. Betty Anne. She’s been a kind and generous historian, sharing pictures of family and telling us stories about them. People we don’t know and yet are as close a relative to us as she is to them. It’s been both a joyful and peculiar experience.

I have two first cousins in Athens, Georgia, and am planning to write them. Hopefully they won’t think that too strange after all these years. I wonder what they knew of us…yet, without interest. Maybe they knew nothing of us, as we didn’t them. I’d like to at least change this now.

Finally, Mrs. Betty Anne set me thinking about redeeming the future since I can’t redeem the past. Sometimes when there are issues between family members, they continue through generations, even when the issue itself has long-since-died, along with some in that family. I have that situation with an uncle and aunt on my mom’s side. As much as I believe in the rightness of forgiveness and reconciliation, it’s not been a priority for me to reach out to them. Mrs. Betty Anne, fresh from this experience with our Aunt Pauline, implored us to reach out to this aunt and uncle, as much for their sake as for ours.

I’m writing them tomorrow…maybe this time, the future can be changed.

Inspired, Lives Full of God, Transitions, Walk with God, Wednesday Worship

Worship Wednesday – Tribute to Kelsey Kennedy & Matt Redman’s Never Once

July 9, 2014 admindeb 4 Comments

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

I’ve never met Kelsey Kennedy, but she is dear to me. Five years ago, she was diagnosed with epithelioid sarcoma. This is a rare cancer of the extremities that occurs in young people and spreads aggressively to other parts of the body. From the beginning, Kelsey must have known what a relentless cancer this was, and yet she faced it with great courage and faith. Thanks to social media (Facebook, in particular), I am a small part of a huge army of prayer warriors who have been committed for months/years to pray healing over Kelsey and grace for her husband, Chris.

For the last several weeks, I’ve been praying for her (having discovered a Praying for Kelsey page through a friend’s Facebook wall). Kelsey’s tenacity, in the face of a cancer that continued to spread despite the best treatment, was unflagging. She had so much to live for – a sweet husband, darling little daughter, family and friends who adored her, and a God she wanted to glorify for years to come…a lifetime to come.

Cancer nursing is my background, and even as I prayed for complete physical healing for her, as she had asked us all to pray, I struggled against the knowledge of what a dismal prognosis she had. Yet, she kept her focus on life and she fought for it. Not just for herself, but for those she loved. And even in this past week, what would be the last week of her life, she poured grace on all who came to encourage her. She encouraged them, and she encouraged all the rest of us – who didn’t know her, but loved her. She pointed us to her Saviour…and now she sees Him face-to-face.

I don’t understand why this lovely young mother had to die at 35 years old. It is not for us to understand. Having lost family members myself, and not sure I would be able to manage after they died, I understand the great reality that God doesn’t always heal on this side…but He heals all of us ultimately. And as we go through the dark valley of dying or watching someone we love die, He never leaves us to take this journey alone. He is very near…and that is what got Kelsey to Heaven at the end of her battle…and His presence is what will get Chris to tomorrow…and the day after. By His grace.

After hearing (through the Praying for Kelsey Facebook page) that Kelsey had died, hundreds of us expressed our condolences through postings on this page. Several folks included links to praise songs that had comforted them and hopefully would comfort Chris and the rest of Kelsey’s family. The song that came to mind for me from Kelsey’s life was Matt Redman’s Never Once.

Never Once

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

[Writers: Ingram, Jason/Redman, Matt/Wanstall, Tim]

In Chris’ blog posting the day Kelsey went to be with Jesus, he quoted a favorite short piece of mine (which I found at the time my Mom died):

“Final thing to share, as we close out the first chapter of Kelsey’s life – a neat illustration which was written in a pamphlet about the final days of life:

“I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, ‘There, she is gone!’

‘Gone where?’

Gone from sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: ‘There, she is gone!’ there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: ‘Here she comes!’

And that is dying.”

— Henry Van Dyke

Never once did Kelsey or Chris walk alone through this…never once.

So thankful for a God who never leaves us or forsakes us…ever (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Image Credit – Christ > Cancer: Kelsey’s Journey to Healing

The Kennedy Crew Blog

Kelsey Kennedy – Obituary

Never Once by Matt Redman live

YouTube Video – Story Behind Never Once

Godtube Video of Never Once – Slideshow with Lyrics

Transitions

Moving House…Again

May 20, 2014 admindeb Leave a comment

We move in a week. Not overseas again, or even to another state. Just across town. Because our work in past years gave us lots of opportunities to relocate, we have not lived in a house that we owned for 20 years. This move is to a house we bought. Weird.

I’m taking a break from packing today. Hopefully writing will clear some of the emotions bouncing all around in my head, stirred by the memories of transitions of the past, and by touching all these familiar things I’m putting in boxes.

My husband calculated recently that in all the years of our marriage (30 this year), we have moved to various places and situations 22 times. Next week will be our 23rd move. Who does that?!

One day it would be fun (at least for me) to list those moves and talk briefly about each one. Moving stirs us up in so many ways, that our lives can not help but be changed. A lot depends on our attitudes and also on what necessitated that move. As I look at the list of all the moves, each brings sharp memories to the front of my mind – some tender, some funny, some perplexing, and some completely course-altering. That’s for another day.

Today, I’m reflecting on the move itself. We have friends from church and work helping us move this time. We’ve had a few experiences with commercial movers (both here and in Africa), but this time we’re going the low-cash, high-friend route. Signing up to help someone move is the substance of a pure heart. No amount of pizza and funny stories afterward balances out giving up your morning on a beautiful, Spring weekend. Helping people move is a true kindness, and we are grateful ahead of time. Since we’ve moved so many times, I thought you might like to know what makes for a good, low-as-possible-stress moving day. This list isn’t exhaustive, but these are what help me.

Moving House Tips

1) If you know well in advance your moving date, start early to plan your move. There are occasions when a move is abrupt. With that, you do the best you can (given the other tips – in a rather fast motion). More important than stuff management, if the move is abrupt, is consideration of those important to you in your current situation – your friends, neighbors, colleagues. It may be tempting to just deal with your possessions and arrangements to move, but don’t let those things rule your life. If the move has some advance notice, begin sorting and packing early, so time with people isn’t squeezed out in the last week or two.

2) Purging household possessions is often a part of the move. It’s advantageous, really. Anywhere we settle, even briefly, we accumulate stuff. It seems to glom onto us if we slow down. Moving is often an emotionally-laden experience. Purge what you can and pack the rest. As to what to leave behind, “There’s safety in a multitude of counselors.” You may later regret what you left behind. Not to say you still shouldn’t purge, because you should. What you donate or sell or gift becomes a blessing and a memory of you. We have left behind stuff in 4 countries…and still have a house full.

3) Pack seasonal and non-essential things early on, labeling the boxes well, so you’ll know where to store them and when to bring them out. Now, in non-essentials, if they cleared the purge, you must want them. So just label them in such a way that they don’t end up staying in that same box until the next move. Or gift them in such a way you can live with. One of my dearest friends is “holding” some of our stuff for us until the day we “settle” somewhere. She’s both holding onto it for us, and enjoying it “for us” while our lifestyle doesn’t lend itself that way.

4) Use small boxes. Our last move was with the help of a commercial moving company. These massive, muscular men brought all our belongings, accumulated from 3 houses where they’d been either stored or used over the years. My husband and I LOVE books. One of the young men, after hauling in probably an obscene amount of book boxes, said, good-naturedly to me, “Before your next move, you might want to buy a Kindle.” It didn’t happen, but we use small boxes, and with books, we pack the box 1/2 to 2/3 full, and then use light-weight stuffers to finish it off. Small boxes.

5) Inventory every box. Label in such a way that you know exactly what is in the box, what order to unpack it, and where it needs to go. You might also include details in your inventory that would be helpful to others who may be doing the handling, unpacking, and storing, depending on different situations and locations.

6) Agree on a division of labor of sorts. This will, by necessity, be fairly fluid, but in our household, we have a system that has worked for us all these years. I do most of the packing, and my husband does the terminal cleaning. Now some may think he gets off easy. Oh no! This so works for us. It goes with our gifts and suits us perfectly. You will work out your own system. He also tapes up a lot of the boxes, and carries most of them. By the end of a move, I literally cringe at the sound of packing tape being stretched off it’s spool to tape a box. 6) Pick a date/time to move that fits the needs of your moving crew. We asked our BSGs (Big Strong Guys) which day (out of 3 possible) worked best for them, and we set the move based on their preference.

7) Make dates to do the one-last-time savorings of your current town/country. As the day gets closer to your move, you’re going to get tired. You’re probably still juggling your work and other life responsibilities, with sorting and packing added in. Still take breaks such that you (and your family) can process the move, and make those last (sometimes sweetest) memories with friends…and the place itself. Say proper goodbyes to your friends and colleagues. Who knows? You may be back.

8) Pack a bag as if you were going on a vacation trip (even if you’re moving just across town). Include everything you’d need the first week (including your checkbook, work papers, toiletries, clothes for various occasions/weather). This lifts so much pressure.

9) On moving day, lavish your crew with love – food and drink (on both ends of the move), pickings from your stuff that will end up donated anyway, and organization. Their time is a gift to you – be ready for them!

10) At your new house/apartment, when the time is right and the proper people are still there (it may just be you and your spouse or roommate), walk about the house/neighborhood and pray over your new home. Make it yours from the beginning. Enjoy!

The Clumsy Guide to Moving House

1 Week Before Moving Day – I love to read helps from folks of different locales – makes me perk up

Tips for When Your Friends Help You Move

No Fail Tips for Keeping Your Friends Happy When They Help You Move

I don’t know why you are moving house, but it could be because you felt compelled of God to move…in obedience to Him. These verses have been a great encouragement to me through our many years of moving:

So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s,who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life. – Mark 10:29-30