We all have fathers – whether very present, present but distant, or long-time absent. Some of you may be fathers. Some of you may have wanted to be fathers but are not able to be…for whatever reasons.
This day of commemoration usually means a good meal and some sort of gifting or pampering for you dads. For all of you, with or without children, you can be influencers…and we need you. My biological father was absent long before my parents divorced.
Thankfully I have had a rich heritage of good fathers through the rest of my life – my step-dad, brothers, uncles, husband, father-in-law, son/son-in-law, brother-in-law, nephews, and loving, empowering male friends and colleagues. Most of these good fathers in my life were spiritual fathers…but fathers nonetheless.
The father of my own children used to travel with his work. He and I had a parting ritual. He runs through the “in case something happens” list [let me know if you want particulars of that – it is helpful to know]. Then, we did sort of a “Thanks for marrying me” farewell…and finally that wonderful, “If I don’t see you here, I’ll see you THERE.” When this man wasn’t present with us, he still was.
Fathering, like mothering, is not an easy job. So much dying to self. So much responsibility. What a delight for us when the men in our lives take fathering on their shoulders as they might a sleeping child. Surrendering themselves to the serving of those younger than them. I thank God for men who humble themselves in prayer for their children and who go to work every day to support their families. Working, studying, and life-long learning passed on to their children and others.
Photo Credit: Calvin & Hobbs from the blog of Kenneth Reeds
These dads are too-often taken for granted in the shadow of fathering that falls short. The absent, neglectful and downright abusive fathers cut wounds so deep that decent fathers are sometimes judged by the same measure. We watch for “the sins of the fathers to be revisited on their children” (Numbers 14:18).
Today, let’s reflect on the good fathers. Those who were present at our births, or those who came later in life to us, or those who father us out of their own great hearts. Imperfect, sure. All of us are. Yet, there are those men who go many more than second miles for us, and we are grateful. – Deb Mills
…and finally let’s live in hope that those fathers who struggle to be present or loving may one day gather themselves together, awaken to what was left behind, and reach out to the treasures they missed along the way…and may they find us within reach.
“As to my children, you are now to be left fatherless, which I hope will be an inducement to you all to seek a Father who will never fail you.” – Jonathan Edwards, his last words to his children, as he lay dying
6 thoughts on “Sunday Reflection – Father’s Day & Fathering”
Thank you for your blog!
The role of both a father & mother confused me for a long time. I had no (or poor) role models. I was placed in an orphanage at 8mo. & returned to unfamiliar people at age 5. There were many negative experiences. But I realized they were only human & we each flounder in our roles. They were different in the manner they acted & spoke, never apologizing for the hurts. But I never REALLY knew them. There is much more to the story, but I’ll leave it at this: I don’t fault either of them, because they also had childhoods, and other rough roads to travel. The lesson for me was to love them anyway. God was merciful to me, I owe that same understanding and grace to others.
Wow! Thanks for commenting, Marquita. There is so much beauty that has shown itself in your life, despite the hard early childhood. God has shown Himself so faithful to you and you have allowed Him to wrap His mercy around your heart. Wow! You are so right, because of God’s mercy, we do owe it to others (for His name’s sake) to offer understanding and grace. Again, thanks for commenting.
Addendum: I LOVE your husbands and your “parting ritual”. I’m in training now on a nearly daily basis. (What to do with ‘yz’ if ‘x’ should happen’) and a habit I learned over 50 years ago… Always say loving things upon parting… even just for the store or work, etc.
Several years ago I met a lady named Jan McMurray at a conference in TN. She had a ministry and publishing company called Fresh Springs. She had a workbook on “Pursuing Godly Relationships,” which she wrote. I was in contact with her for a number of years, but have lost contact recently.
Could you please get in touch with Jan and have her to contact me?
Hi Lorraine. We have Jan in common. She is very dear to me and was both a discipler of mine and my parenting mentor in those early years of parenting. My kids all remember the Mrs. Jan stories, maybe more than they remember her as a person. Anyway, I have emailed her and gave her your email address. You can find her probably through an internet search. I checked and did find her…enough said on this public forum. Hope she reaches back out to you. Blessings!
Thank you for your blog!
The role of both a father & mother confused me for a long time. I had no (or poor) role models. I was placed in an orphanage at 8mo. & returned to unfamiliar people at age 5. There were many negative experiences. But I realized they were only human & we each flounder in our roles. They were different in the manner they acted & spoke, never apologizing for the hurts. But I never REALLY knew them. There is much more to the story, but I’ll leave it at this: I don’t fault either of them, because they also had childhoods, and other rough roads to travel. The lesson for me was to love them anyway. God was merciful to me, I owe that same understanding and grace to others.
Wow! Thanks for commenting, Marquita. There is so much beauty that has shown itself in your life, despite the hard early childhood. God has shown Himself so faithful to you and you have allowed Him to wrap His mercy around your heart. Wow! You are so right, because of God’s mercy, we do owe it to others (for His name’s sake) to offer understanding and grace. Again, thanks for commenting.
Addendum: I LOVE your husbands and your “parting ritual”. I’m in training now on a nearly daily basis. (What to do with ‘yz’ if ‘x’ should happen’) and a habit I learned over 50 years ago… Always say loving things upon parting… even just for the store or work, etc.
Exactly. Every parting is significant. Thanks for sharing.
Dear Deb,
Several years ago I met a lady named Jan McMurray at a conference in TN. She had a ministry and publishing company called Fresh Springs. She had a workbook on “Pursuing Godly Relationships,” which she wrote. I was in contact with her for a number of years, but have lost contact recently.
Could you please get in touch with Jan and have her to contact me?
Thank you for your help with this.
Hi Lorraine. We have Jan in common. She is very dear to me and was both a discipler of mine and my parenting mentor in those early years of parenting. My kids all remember the Mrs. Jan stories, maybe more than they remember her as a person. Anyway, I have emailed her and gave her your email address. You can find her probably through an internet search. I checked and did find her…enough said on this public forum. Hope she reaches back out to you. Blessings!