Category Archives: Lessons Learned

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Monday Morning Moment – Make Your Bed Every Morning and Be Ready to Change the World

May 16, 2016 admindeb 7 Comments

I make the bed every morning. It’s been a habit of mine most of my life. Somehow in the middle of the chaos and clutter of my life, that made bed stands in hopeful defiance.

Admiral William H. McRaven a highly decorated Navy Seal, retired in 2014 from a 37-year military career. He oversaw Operation Neptune Spear – the military operation that culminated in the death of Osama bin Laden. In the year of his retirement, he was commencement speaker at the graduation ceremony of University of Texas – Austin. Photo Credit: Pinterest

As he encouraged the young graduates, he told of 10 lessons in his SEAL basic training. Beginning with “Make Your Bed”, they follow in brief (you can watch the video of his speech or read more detailed highlights here).

10 Life Lessons to Change Your World

1. If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.

2. If you want to change the world, find someone to help you paddle.

3. If you want to change the world, measure a person by the size of their heart, not the size of their flippers.

4. If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

5. If you want to change the world, don’t be afraid of the circuses.

6. If you want to change the world sometimes you have to slide down the obstacle head first.

7. If you want to change the world, don’t back down from the sharks.

8. If you want to change the world, you must be your very best in the darkest moment.

9. If you want to change the world, start singing when you’re up to your neck in mud.

10. If you want to change the world don’t ever, ever ring the bell.

Steve Nguyen, Workplace Psychology

Adm. McRaven closed the commencement speech with the following challenge:

“Start each day with a task completed. Find someone to help you through life. Respect everyone. Know that life is not fair and that you will fail often . . . but if you take some risks, step up when the times are the toughest, face down the bullies, lift up the downtrodden and never, ever give up….if you do these things, the next generation, and the generations that follow will live in a world far better than the one we have today, and what started here will indeed have changed the world for the better.” – Navy Adm. William McRaven

Commencement speeches are meant to be inspiring, and this definitely hit the mark. What actually stayed with me the most was the formation of habits as key to changing the world – making your bed, building community, enduring with hope, never quitting.

Maybe making your bed isn’t the one small task completed that makes for the foundation of the many larger tasks of your day. Whatever your particular routines or habits, they are worth considering for the weight of importance they might have in your life…with the possibility, even, of changing a world.

What habit or routine gets you started well each day? How do Adm. McRaven’s 10 Lessons of Basic SEAL training resonate? Maybe “changing the world” is too big a goal for a Monday morning, but whatever the goal, where do we begin to take aim?

How to be a Success at Everything – How I Became a Morning Person, Read More Books, and Learned a Language in a Year by Belle Beth Cooper

Make Your Bed Each Morning to Kickstart Better Habits by Eric Ravenscraft

Why Making Your Bed Every Morning Matters, According to a Navy Seal by Dave Greenbaum

Photo Credit: Fast Company

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Monday Morning Moment – Stewardship – Stewarding My Part Well in Today’s Workplace

May 9, 2016 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: Work.Chron

All of life is stewardship. Doesn’t it make sense? Our jobs, our relationships, our personalities, and our future have multiple layers. When we think of stewardship, rather than ownership, or entitlement, or giftings, or personal rights, we take on a much broader, healthier view or life. Writing about it previously here, I wanted to focus more, this time, on our workplace.

In 1993, Peter Block wrote a revolutionary book entitled Stewardship: Choosing Service Over Self-Interest. He updated and expanded it twenty years later (in 2013). Block defines stewardship as “the willingness to be accountable for the well-being of the larger organization by operating in service, rather than in control, of those around us. Stated simply, it is accountability without control or compliance”.

Words mean things. When we use the word “steward”, we loosen our grip on ownership – of our job, title, product, and work relationships. However, we do not loosen our commitment on personal responsibility. This is the gem of stewardship – a gem in the workplace that can be mined by each one of us.

Years ago, in nursing school, we used Virginia Henderson’s definition of nursing which focused more on facilitating the patient’s return to caring for him/herself than on the “giving care” component we often think of with nurses. Nursing as stewardship. When our children came along, we as parents would need to decide whether to home school or put our children into a private or public school. Another parent gave us wise counsel: Whatever your decision, you are responsible for your children’s education, some of which you may contract out to other teachers or institutions. We, as parents, were stewards of our children’s education.

In the workplace, we have heard the word steward used in the service industry: union shop stewards, ship stewards, stewards on airlines, stewards of estates. However, the stewardship that Block describes can proliferate at all levels, especially if our leaders set this value and mindset. What if an organization determined to have an inclusive model of accountability where all employees operated by serving, rather than controlling, those in their influence (colleagues, customers, vendors)? What if we chose to apply ourselves to the work before us, with deep personal care and commitment, rather than under a boss’s control or need for our compliance?

Stewardship as a concept and value is both time-tested and trendy. Check out REI‘s commitment to customers in delivering quality outdoor gear…and also to its employees. Stewardship.Photo Credit: Slideplayer

My first encounter with this word, stewardship, was as a child hearing the parable of a master preparing to leave on a journey. He entrusted the three servants with some measure of his wealth (talents). Their master had given each varying amounts of money, according to each servant’s ability. The master would be away for some period of time and meant for his servants to “steward” the money. Two servants invested his money in such a way that each doubled the amount entrusted them. The third servant, fearing the master (and possibly lacking confidence in his own ability), hid the money entrusted to him. He only had what he’d received in the beginning to give back to the master. The first two servants were rewarded for their faithfulness, care, and initiative, but the last cautious, fearful servant suffered the consequences of his inaction.

There is much to learn about stewardship from this old story. Stewardship is taking personal responsibility and interest in quality of service or product and depth of relationship. Like in the story, it could mean taking risks ourselves or with each other (especially leaders entrusting other team members with decision-making and design). It means empowering others in discussions and details that we might prefer keeping for ourselves (except that we are stewarding toward a larger outcome). It means making investments in others and in the over-all organization. Stewardship is the embodiment of employee engagement…all-in, whatever it takes, for that greater good. Lastly, the story spoke to rewards for those diligently stewarding what was placed in their care, and the consequences of those who refuse to be engaged…which leads to a place nobody really wants to go.Photo Credit: Quotesgram

Leaders and managers who are willing to give up control and who genuinely care about their employees and customers become true stewards themselves. They set the standard for stewarding across a company. Whether leaders are on board or not, any of us can still have ownership of a new-old way of thinking and practice. We can steward well what is our responsibility or under our influence. Again, this type of “ownership” is not about owning the job, the product, or the relationship. Stewardship is the owning of our personal responsibility – our piece of what could be excellent, and our piece of what’s not going well, and applying our experience, knowledge, giftings, and heart to benefit all touched by our service. Our stewardship.

Photo Credit: Whatcomlandtrust

What are your stories? Do you see the impact of your stewardship? Of the stewardship of others? Could you see how this might color the culture at your workplace? Is your company one where top-down, bottom-up, people care about each other and what they’re doing? It shows…if you are, or if you’re not. Stewardship.

Photo Credit: Quotesgram

Monday Morning Moment – All of Life Is Stewardship

Stewardship: Choosing Service Over Self-Interest (2nd Ed.) – Peter Block

Five Lessons for Our Lives From the Parable of the Talents – Hugh Whelchel

Monday Morning Success – How Biblical Stewardship Transforms Your Work – Hugh Whelchel

Photo Credit: OLOLmke

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Mother’s Day – Not the #BestMomEver Nor the Worst – Didn’t Mother Alone, and Then They Were Grown

May 8, 2016 admindeb 5 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day. Seeing that in print often brings that saying to mind, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. I never liked that saying and don’t want to put such a edict on my family. Motherhood does seem to carry its blessing and burden of emotions. Stores and restaurants are as crowded as Christmas this weekend with families doing what they do to celebrate their mothers.

With my own mom already with the Lord, and my other mom in another visit, this weekend, my thoughts are tuned onto these three kiddos – the ones who made me a mom in my 30s. They were a blessing come late and cherished all the more for their timing.

Courtney Reissig writes a thought-provoking and freeing piece entitled Don’t Call Me the Best Mom Ever. She calls out our tendencies to go to extremes in lauding the praises of moms or, on the flip side, in lamenting the bad mothering we received…or feel guilty of…

Take a minute to read her article and be gentle with yourself, and those moms in your life today. Making Mother’s Day some sort of competition or guilt fest doesn’t honor the gift or the giver. If I get to see our children sometime during the Mother’s Day season or get cards from them where they’ve written their own words…that is huge. I know loving moms who may not have either this year. We also all know women who would have been wonderful moms…if they had had the opportunity…this gives me pause on such a day as this.

I don’t take these three once-little people for granted…nor do I want to heap huge expectations on them. My hope is that the errors of my ways mothering them through the years did not leave a mark.

Reissig closed out her piece for moms in a way that resonates with my own heart.

“I simply need to be the mom God made me to be, to the children God created for me. Instead of striving for the best or embracing the worse, I hope to be the kind of mom who repents when I sin, admits my limitations, and asks God for more grace the next day.” – Courtney Reissig

We have this brief time with our children growing up. We will counsel well, and keep them well-fed and nurtured (heart and mind), and, for sure, we will make mistakes. The most important thing to remember is that we don’t mother alone…or we don’t have to… Redeem the time with them and soak in God’s great grace.

These precious children are in our keeping for a moment, it seems, with their own foibles and sharp edges (like ours)…

…and then they were grown.

Happy Mother’s Day, dear ones. Be gentle with yourself and each other. I am grateful and filled with joy to think of you.

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Moms, Mothering, and Grandmothering – a Life of Love, Launching, and Lifting to God

May 7, 2016 admindeb Leave a comment

[From the Archives]

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31: 27-30

My Mom was a treasure – a lavishing of God’s grace on four undeserving children. She was my best friend, and I miss her every day. She taught me the most important lessons of life – the value of hard work, loving and serving others no matter what, and a life of following God. I have written, not well enough, about her (here, here, and here, etc.). She was my hero, and, though she is in Heaven now, she informs much of how I live life still.

Whether we are mothers or not, we all have/had mothers. I hope yours was/is lovely, and Godly, and inspiring. Whichever is your situation, we have an opportunity to honor those who mother well and we have still other opportunities to love and forgive those who didn’t. My children are grown and I am not supposed to “mother” them now – a heart habit hard to break. Now that their childhood is over, I miss those years. Still, like my mom, I will encourage and pray and marvel at how God moves in their lives. Grand-parenting is a sweet dividend to mothering. I pray that I will have a season of pouring into those little hearts – wonder, love, and grace.

Today, I share a bit out of Ruth Bell Graham’s lovely book Prayers from a Mother’s Heart. With the Lord now, Mrs. Graham compiled some of her own poetry, her daughter’s, and that of other Godly moms. She touches on all seasons of growing up and mothering. May yours, mothers and mothered, be touched by God’s dearest wisdom and deepest kindnesses.

“Lord, as I stand beside this crib, watching this little boy fall asleep…

his blond curls sticking to his small, damp forehead, his chubby fingers wrapped tightly around his blanket,

my heart is filled with emotion, wonder, and awe. I have so many dreams and ambitions for him.

Please help me to remember that he is first of all Yours, and that the most important thing of all is that he grow to love You and follow You. So, Lord, tonight I put aside any and all prayers that could have their roots in selfish motherly desires, and pray these words for him,

Beloved child, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. (1 Cor. 15:58

Because, Lord, if this prayer is answered, then one day I will be able to say with John that my greatest joy is knowing that my children are walking in the truth.” – Gigi Graham Tchividjian

“Lord, remind me often that parents are intended to be a mooring post, a safe place to stay, a sure place to cast anchor come wind or weather. It is not the time for me to worry about the storms beyond the bay, for now we have the gift of a little time called childhood; tethered to love, the little boat bobs and weaves about the post – happy and secure!” – Jill Briscoe

“Father, You said that You would contend with those who contend with me and You will save our children (Isa. 49:25).

Television, magazines, the classroom, and now the Internet – all are filled with “contenders,”

But I am relying on Your promise.” – Ruth Bell Graham

A Prayer for Hurting Mothers

“Be tender, Lord, we pray with one whose child lies dead today.

Be tender, Lord, we plead for those with runaways for whom moms bleed.

But be tenderest of all with each whose child no longer cares…is out of reach.” – Ruth Bell Graham

Turning Children’s Cares Over to God

“Lord, I think it is harder to turn the worries and cares of my children over to You than my own. For, through the years, as I have grown in faith, I have learned that You are merciful and kind.

Not one time have You failed me, Lord – why do I fear You will fail mine?” – Ruth Bell Graham

Happy Mother’s Day, Dear Ones. May today not just be about flowers, cards, or dinners out. May this be a day that’s full of encouragement for moms “to go deep into their gifts, to focus on their Maker or to see how we’re made and who we’re made to be. …to live out faith in daring, dangerous ways…to know God better.” (Caryn Rivadeneira)

Love You Forever.

Dedicated to my mom-in-love, Julia – who loves us with bold devotion and fierce determination – giving us an example to do the same.

Prayers from a Mother’s Heart compiled by Ruth Bell Graham

Mother’s Day Sermons…Ugh

Surprised by Motherhood – Lisa-Jo Baker’s Must-Read for All Women and the Bravest of Men

Mother’s Day 2015 – Top Favorite Quotes, Bible Verses, and Holiday History

A Long Motherhood – A Poem for Mother’s Day by John Piper

My Mom – Mildred Byrd McAdams – Memorial

Celebrating the Faith and Work of Our Mothers

A Prayer for Young Moms of Little Ones – my archives

The Season of Small Ones – Mother, God, and Gandalf – archives

Mothering Through the Seasons – Eyes on God and His on Me – archives

Love You Forever by Robert Munsch & Sheila McGraw

“I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
My baby you’ll be.”

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Monday Morning Moment – What It Takes to Be the Leader You Think You Already Are – Fast Read

May 2, 2016 admindeb 5 Comments

Photo Source: Business Insider

You are going to be so glad you are taking the time to read this. None of us want to think we’re leading well and find out, too late, that we missed the mark. To be successful as a process manager, or content expert, or vision caster is something to celebrate, for sure. However, if you don’t genuinely love your people (genuinely. love. your. people), it will mark your leadership and your personnel over time. Mark and mar. Don’t miss that…for your own sake and that of your organization – each employee and all employees.

A friend of mine told me recently that he’s never met the CEO of his company. He is not sure the CEO has ever walked down his department’s hallway. That made me sad, because I know the caliber of work he does and the quality of person he is. He would be such an encouragement to his company’s executive leader. Maybe he was out the day the CEO came down his hall…surely he showed up…once at least. Surely.

My husband speaks several times each year on leading from the heart. I love to hear him speak; it’s a good reminder for me in my own area of influence. Besides my husband, my other go-to person on this subject is Mark C. Crowley, author of Lead from the Heart – Transformational Leadershp for the 21st Century.

In a Forbes piece, Mark was interviewed by Ron Carucci on 4 Radical Leadership Practices that Will Dramatically Increase Engagement. You should read this piece in full. Here are those four practices in brief:

Invest deeply. Crowley defines deep investment as this: “You are personally spending ample time ensuring people are learning, growing, and thriving. You have a high bar for performance expectations, and you are personally helping people reach it. Every. Single. Day.” [Not just your administrative team, but every single employee in your organization. Too often leaders, busy as they are, leave this to others who may not have their character or their sense of what could be lost/gained.] Photo Credit: Slideshare
Connect personally. Raising boundaries in relationships at work (keeping a professional distance) doesn’t lead to objectivity; more they lead to ignorance. You think you know how people are, but do you really? Have you talked to personnel? Have you sat down at their work station? Ever? “People we lead have big stories, and we are part of that story.” You aren’t interested in a popularity contest, of course…but are you an empowering force in your employees’ lives…or a devaluing force? Check it out.Photo Credit: Essentials of Business
Hire for heart. “You have to hire people who are predisposed to care. If you hire for technical competence, or a track record of hitting numbers, that’s all you’ll get” warns Crowley. Maybe your leadership team is already in place and entrenched. Do your managers really care about your personnel? Are they following your lead in their role? This isn’t about occasional free pizza or management tossing kudos from in front of the room. This is about investing in and building up employees…all of them, each one of them… helping them reach their maximum potential. Challenge yourself in this, and your management teams in this, all the way through the ranks.
Love well. Crowley “emphasizes the criticality of leaders having absolute certainty that the people they lead feel like they, and their work, matter deeply, and they are genuinely appreciated.” Not just the executive team feeling this way but a model is set throughout the organization to “love your people”.

If you read this far, you probably already lead in this way or you want to. I think of myself as being pretty savvy in this area, and that could be my biggest weakness in the workplace. Making such an assumption is dangerous. So…thanks for caring about your own leadership. For those reading thus far, and you don’t see yourself as a mover or shaker in your organization…rethink that. The fact that you are so invested that you’re reading leadership articles may mean you’re more engaged than you might think. You lead out in this area yourself, if you must. For that friend of mine who has never met his CEO…make it happen. You nor he will regret it. Light a fire that could potentially encourage a whole organization. For real.

Lead From the Heart – Transformational Leadership for the 21st Century by Mark C. Crowley

Employee Engagement Isn’t Getting Better and gallup Shares the Surprising Reasons Why – Mark C. Crowley

YouTube Video – How to Lead from the Heart – 4 Practices – Michael Hyatt Podcast

The Four Disciplines of the Heart – How to Fight Back When You Feel Discouraged – Michael Hyatt

What Is the Key to Great Leadership Today? – David Grossman

People Skills Truths: Use These 15 Must Knows! – Kate Nasser

Heart-centered Leadership – Susan Steinbrecher – Slideshare

The Yellow Brick Road of Leadership – Jonathan Stutz – Slideshare

Manage by Mind, Lead by Heart – Usman Ahmad – Slideshare

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5 Friday Faves – Customer Service, a Documentary, a Rainy Spring Day, Taking Your Kids to Hard Places, and Nurturing Moms (Not Judging Them)

April 29, 2016 admindeb 5 Comments

Happy Friday! Here are my five favorites from this week…like you, I also have ongoing favorites (like time with my granddaughter, and the rest of the family, and deep talks with friends, and moments of revelation and inspiration – some hard and some gentle) that don’t get shared always…not sure why I wanted to share that even…but here are these! Have a safe and soaring day…and weekend.

1) Customer Service – Taking care of our customers and clients is important. Horst Schulze, renowned hotel executive and speaker, defines customer service as a three-part process: delivering an excellent product (without defect), in a timely manner, with genuine caring. I was facilitating a meeting recently, and one of the participants raved about our restrooms. He says to commend our housekeeping staff, because that level of service takes genuine pride and caring. He also asked me if I had ever heard of these super-gas stations in Texas named Buc-ee’s. Apparently they are amazing. When you travel a lot by car there is pretty much nothing as winsome as a nice restroom. My story on customer service this week relates to the outpatient registration and imaging department at Henrico Doctors’ Hospital.

You know those occasions when you go in to register for service and you hardly see the person’s eyes (either fixed on a computer screen or at paperwork or just walking ahead of you or working the equipment attached to you). My experience this week with these personnel and volunteers was very different. Warm, engaging, refreshingly funny, full of life, making me comfortable, working quickly, and then getting me back out the same door I came in (much appreciated after going down a myriad of hallways)…consummate customer service complete with a snack. 🙂

2) Documentary – Bono and Eugene Peterson – The Psalms – This week, a 20-minute film debuted highlighting the friendship of Bono (of the band U2) and Eugene Peterson (Bible scholar and author). Their relationship centers on how The Psalms have impacted both their lives. I got to see a prescreening of the film and reviewed the it here and posted my takeaways from the Q & A with the filmmaker Nathan Clarke. The film is honest, loving, and thought-provoking. Watch it below or here.

Photo Credit: atU2Blog

3) A Rainy Spring Day – After a really hot day this week, our flowers drooped and the greens looked frail…then the cool rain came. Joy!

4) Taking Your Kids to Hard Places – We don’t usually think of intentionally working hard experiences into our kids’ lives, but think about it. Our children haven’t been to really hard places in the world but they have had to wrestle with how to respond to beggars in North Africa…and here. Our boys have tended to a very ill grandfather. They haven’t been to many funerals, or visited many hospital rooms, or served in a shelter or soup kitchen. I would have done more of that with them, now that I see things differently. Jamie Dew writes about this in 6 Reasons to Take Your Kids to Hard Places. He observes that, “Seeing poverty and brokenness has the ability to transform the most selfish child into a selfless child. Letting them see the broken world creates the same burdens in their hearts [as it does in ours] and gives them a true sense of dependence on God.” Any stories you have about this? Please comment below.Photo Credit: The Star

5) Nurturing Moms (Not Judging Them) – Moms of all ages and stages have challenging lives – whether they work both inside and outside the home or more inside the home. I was in both camps of moms at various times during our children’s growing up years. Some moms aren’t able to financially do without a job, and others dearly love their work, and the moms who work hard to stay home all have two things in common: 1) they all have children and the responsibilities that go with those darlings, and 2) they need our nurturing, not our judging. Jen Wilkin wote a provocative article on both stay-at-home-moms (SAHMs) and working-outside-the-home-moms (WOHMs). It’s worth your time (women AND men). [Dads, you, too, benefit from nurturing as well.] I’m always glad for the opportunity to see something differently than I might otherwise – it helps me to love better. This was one of those reads.

Photo Credit: LarksNotesThis

Bonus: Nathan Mills @beyondtheguitar posted a new arrangement of one of the Zelda melodies on YouTube. A friend of mine who works with PTSD survivors in Japan commended the soothing nature of his Zelda arrangements. Enjoy.

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Q & A with a Filmmaker – Nathan Clarke on the Arts, Authenticity, and the Christian Faith

April 28, 2016 admindeb 3 Comments

Image processed by CodeCarvings Piczard ### FREE Community Edition ### on 2015-05-18 23:32:55Z | http://piczard.com | http://codecarvings.com Photo Credit: Christianity Today

Nathan Clarke is a filmmaker with Fourth Line Films. He is known for his documentaries and honest story-telling through film (see Wrestling for Jesus). Most recently, Nathan and team at Fourth Line, premiered a lovely and moving film. Produced through support of Fuller Seminary, this 20-minute documentary, Bono and Eugene Peterson – The Psalms, is available to watch on YouTube.

I had the privilege of attending a preview screening of this film (reviewed it on this blog). After the showing of the film, Corey Widmer facilitated a Q & A with Nathan Clarke and the audience. What follows is taken from my notes on the Q & A and reflects some of his thinking on the arts (how faith might color them and the cry for authenticity). Here are my takeaways.

On hoped-for impact of the film – “A lot of people who would only know Bono will now know Eugene and The Message. Those who only knew Peterson from the Message will now be introduced to his other books.” [The Message is a version of the Bible translated into the contemporary English language (of 1993) by Eugene Peterson. Although it’s over 20 years old, it still makes for an easier read for anyone new to the Bible. Peterson’s bold action for that very purpose has come under criticism over the years, with some calling The Message a paraphrase, not a true translation. For Bono, this version made Scripture come alive for him.]

Sidebar: I didn’t know Peterson wrote other books until watching this film. Bono praises Peterson’s book Run with the Horses as “a powerful manual for me”. Besides The Message, there are over 30 books available to us written by Eugene Peterson.Photo Credit: YouTube – Bono & Eugene Peterson

This revelation reminded me of a tiny section of my bookcase, right beside my work desk, that houses the best of my “old friends”. Oswald Chambers’ classic My Utmost for His Highest is only one of several great wisdom books under his authorship. Thanks to Nathan Clarke, I will look into Eugene Peterson’s other books.

On making art as a Christian – Nathan told the story of making the film Wrestling for Jesus. As he filmed this documentary about Christian wrestlers, one of them, in the course of the filming, began to have his life fall completely apart. Was his “wrestling for Jesus” over? Nathan and team incorporated that story in the film. When he submitted the film to a Christian film festival, it was rejected because it wasn’t “family-friendly”. “What about David? What about Solomon?”, Nathan lamented. [The Bible is full of messy real-life struggles. Do we just white-wash those? In the film with Eugene, Bono sees Christian song-writers as being “vulnerable, open, porous toward God”; he implores them to “write honest lyrics” – about your bad marriage and…about how frustrated you are with your government. I’m suspicious of Christians because of this lack of realism in art, in life, and in music.”]

On art and the church – Nathan went on to ask the question, “Do we think of artists as just accentuating the decoration of the church?” [echoing Bono’s declaration on the arts as “essential not decorative”] Nathan then implored, “All my work is out there – is there a place for it in here [the church building/the church itself]?” When asked how we can create Christian communities where artists could thrive and create, Nathan offered some practical suggestions:

Patronage – We should buy their work.
Offer effective and helpful critique of art – in a way that honors the image of God in who they are and still say, when necessary, “That sucks”. […this coming only out of a place of honoring…emphasizing this, as a mom of an artist.]
Business people can help artists with the business side of their work. Helping them learn from failures and from success; helping them to market themselves, run a business, do taxes. This is also a form of patronage.
Give space for artists to talk about their art, practice their art, display their art in this place (the church building). [There are just a limited number of paid positions within a church (ex. worship leader). Still, there are artists in our churches that could have a place to express the gifts God has given them…these songwriters, musicians, writers, painters, and poets.]

This was so helpful, Nathan. Thank you!

On authenticity as artists who are also Christians – “If you look at God as artist, he didn’t make art a utilitarian thing (a means to an end). He expressed art as an end in itself”. Nathan talked about how affected he was by the film In Pursuit of Silence. He quoted Greg Hindy, a student/pilgrim, in the film:Photo Credit: New York Post

“Silence should be explored not explained”. Then Nathan applied that to art as being best “explored not explained”. Art is better served not with the end in mind but through illumination that comes in the making of the art (as he discovered in the filming of Wrestling For Jesus). Even as Christian artists try to explain what part God played in their work, how can we really know or compartmentalize that? [As much as we would hope art could have an impact on our culture, for instance, can we shape or manipulate the art toward “making that happen”? Is that right/honest/authentic?] Nathan responded with “Art that seeks to catalyze will never affect change, but good art catalyzes change.” He talked more about the role of the artist who is also Christian as a “faithful presence” (from James Hunter’s book To Change the World) – honoring God through his craft and serving others with it.Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

Christian artists, like others, walk a fine line here, and Nathan stated he felt that tension all the time. Filmmakers manipulate light, color, mood, materials, sequence… He aims to be as authentic as possible in the process – “We lie so we can tell the truth”.

__________________________________________________________________________

I would have kept the Q & A going even longer because of all that was stirring in my heart and mind. It was exhilarating both to see the film and to hear the process of it coming to fruition in the words of the filmmaker. I wish they had filmed the Q & A honestly (or maybe they did…who knows?). Anyway, there was one other question that struck me, given my son is a musician. Nathan was asked the difference in the craft – film vs. music. With film, he says there is a wrap. You may spend hours filming, weeks and months in production and then editing, but then it’s done. With musicians, they must get tired of singing those songs forever (I wonder, Bono…do you?) Still, says Nathan, “the filmmaker, poet, and painter all want to be rock stars.” That immediate feedback. After 15 months of working on this film, this evening, this screening, was the first time he experienced that feedback “hearing people laugh at the same time” at the funny parts.

With all the arts, there is a cost…but there is so much gain…for all of us.

Thanks again, Nathan, and Fourth Line Films.

Art and the Bible Quotes – Francis A. Schaeffer

In Pursuit of Silence – a Quiet Movie with Much to Say by Carl McColman

Faithful Presence – an Interview with James Davison Hunter by Christopher Benson

All Good Gifts, Faithfulness, Glory of God, God, Inspired, Lessons Learned, Love, Rest, Thanksgiving or Gratefulness, Wednesday Worship, Word of God, Worship

Worship Wednesday – In the Midst of Our Storms, We Have a Good, Good Father – Chris Tomlin & Pat Barrett

April 27, 2016 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: TimesofMalta

“For I proclaim the name of the LORD; Ascribe greatness to our God! The Rock! His work is perfect, For all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness and without injustice, Righteous and upright is He.” – Deuteronomy 32:3-4

When we lived in Morocco, we loved walking along the coast – along both the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea. There were sandy beaches aplenty, but my favorite parts were the rocky outcroppings which stood as sentinels against the crashing waves. I will never forget one time, walking with a friend who prayed aloud as we stood by the shore on a stormy day. He said, “Lord, may the storms of our lives break on the rocks of Your mercy.”

Storms come to all our lives…shocks, interruptions and losses that shake our faith and cause confusion in our understanding of good…and God. We want to explain how such things can happen in the presence of a good God. However, our attempts at explaining fall pitifully short. How can we explain our experience of that good Father in the midst of every storm? He is present, even in His silence…we lean in, and we find strong support…through every storm.

Photo Credit: GodIsGreatItsTrue

“Life is hard and God is good.” – Marshall Shelley

These words were spoken by a father whose tiny son, Toby, lived 2 minutes in this world. Toby is short for Tobiah which means “God is good”. Shelley goes on to describe more of his wrestling with Toby’s brief life in a Christianity Today article.

“Why did God create a child to live two minutes?

He didn’t.

He didn’t create Toby to live two minutes…He didn’t create me to live 40 years (or whatever number he may choose to extend my days in this world). God created Toby for eternity. He created each of us for eternity, where we may be surprised to find our true calling, which always seemed just out of reach here on earth.”

I can’t explain the goodness of God but I know it. He is a good, good Father. He has brought me through hard places; He is with me through dark nights when I can’t sleep. How can we bask in His goodness in hard times and not believe, even when our hearts are broken, that His goodness extends into the hard as well? Because of His comfort thus far in my life…and that of others near to my heart…I determine to trust Him in the present hard…and with the future.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving And His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations. – Psalm 100:4-5

What a blessing to read the Psalms and rejoice with those inspired writers who give us pictures of God present in our storms. Our hearts are also gladdened by modern-day hymn-writers who remind us of the truth of God’s goodness. Casting Crowns’ Praise You in the Storm and Just Be Held, and then David Crowder’s I Am all remind us of God’s presence with us in the midst of storms.

Chris Tomlin and Pat Barrett’s song Good, Good Father gives voice to my experience of the goodness of God. I hope you are encouraged by it, in whatever the storms are in your life today.

Worship with me.

Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories
Of what they think You’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whisper
Of love in the dead of night
And You tell me that You’re pleased
And that I’m never alone

You’re a good good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

Oh, and I’ve seen many searching
For answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only You provide
‘Cause You know just what we need
Before we say a word

You’re a good good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

Cause You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways to us

You are perfect in all of Your ways
Oh, You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways to us

Oh, it’s love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
Into love, love, love

You’re a good good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

You’re a good good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
You’re a good good Father

You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways*

“This I recall to mind and therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses never cease. His compassions [his mercies] never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I have hope in him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the person who seeks him.” – Lamentations 3:21-25

“Life is hard and God is good. Life is hard and God is good.” That is the meaning of Lamentations. That is the meaning of Job. You might say that is the meaning of the Bible. Life is hard and God is good…and many of you are right in the midst of proving it to be so now. At least if you would trust him, if I could persuade you that God is trustworthy in it, and if you held on to it, you would discover that life is hard and God is good.

O, that God would give us eyes to see his mercies in our lives and we would see them all the more clearly and know that they were mercies if we knew the price that he paid for them for us. He sent his son Jesus Christ into the world to die so that my guilt will be taken away, his wrath would be removed from me, and there would be a free, open course for his mercies to flow to me while he is just. Even though I am a sinner, I can be treated with mercy. That is a glorious thing that God has done in Jesus Christ. We would taste the mercies all the more sweetly if we knew the price.” – John Piper

Photo Credit: Midspointofview

Lyrics to Good, Good Father by Pat Barrett and Tony Brown

The God of Joyful Tears and Sorrow – Trevin Wax

YouTube Video – Good, Good Father – Housefires II (featuring Pat Barrett)

If This is Spring There Must Be a Tornado Somewhere – Tom Elliff

Photo Credit: OneGirlDesignShoppe

Attending or Focus, Character, Church, Communication, Community, Conversations, fresh start, Inspired, Leadership, Lessons Learned, Transformational, work, Work Culture, Workplace Culture, Workplace or Marketplace

Monday Morning Moment – Belonging and Going Deep and the Blind Presumptions that It’s Actually Happening When It Isn’t

April 25, 2016 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: Forbes

“The culture you create or the culture you destroy will determine the success of your business.” – Mark C. Crowley

As much as we might like, we can’t equate smiling and greeting folks we pass in the hallway with real community. Worse, just making a beeline to the elevator, conference room, or office with a studied, problem-solving look on your face does not instill confidence or credibility to those colleagues in the wake of your path to organizational excellence.

Sorry.

I’m not sure how well any of us do at creating a community of going deep or giving those around us a sense of belonging. What could help is periodically wrestling with our presumptions about work culture and employee engagement (I write about this often in this blog’s Monday Morning Moment. if you’re interested, just search here). Then make the changes that would grow such a work culture.

Going deep with employees and helping them have a strong sense of belonging are too rarely on the agenda of executive leadership. I don’t understand how that is, really, given all that’s written about it in the leadership press and all we learn from the companies experiencing growth/success. It seems a wee bit short-sighted.

Here’s the heart of it: Employees know whether they are valued and whether their organization is invested in them. Occasional fun days and gift cards to Starbucks offer a bump in the workplace routine, but the outcome will have little impact on overall employee satisfaction, performance, customer service or product excellence.

A culture where executive management, department heads, and team leaders go deep with their employees is possible, once the blinders are removed . What does that mean? It means dealing first with our presumptions and marshalling our efforts away from crazy and toward a culture of transparency and inclusiveness. It may entail perks and benefits, but more than that, such a culture thrives when personnel are proud to belong to such an organization, and their leaders know their people and strive to develop and honor them.Photo Credit: Fast Company

If, as a leader or manager, you have known success in mentoring a few, a small tribe of cohorts, then you can enlarge that to an organization-wide campaign that resets values and encourages and equips employees at all levels.

It’s worth the short-term cost to you for the long-term benefit of the organization and the individuals that make up your work community.

Bottom-line:

Andrea Huspeni writes: “How leaders choose to implement culture is everything. Some may think having the occasional happy hour, yoga session or trivia night will cut it, and while these perks help, culture runs much deeper than that. It needs to ignite inspiration, motivate teams to outperform the competition and allow employers to grow and produce results for the business. A successful high-performance culture has much more to do with the not-so-exciting tactics like transparency, support and communication than with a Ping-Pong tournament.” – Entrepreneur

Photo Credit: Slideshare

Please don’t miss the links below. Also, writing this, I thought of how these concepts apply to organizations other than businesses – including churches and other non-profits. What a difference you can make if you leave off judging the health of an organization by assessing how those closest to you are doing…and take on the whole health of your organization. There’s a lot at stake and it’s worth the effort of checking out your presumptions…learned this the hard way.

6 Surprising Insights of Successful Employee Engagement by Mark C. Crowley

Create Pockets of Excellence at Your Workplace by Shawn Murphy

Clarity and belonging – More Ways for Developing Pockets of Excellence by Shawn Murphy

7 Practices of Leaders Who Build Healthy Workplace Cultures by Brian Dodd

By the Numbers – Here’s What It Takes to Be a Top Company Culture (Infographic) by Greg Besner

8 Companies Reveal Their Secret Sauce to a High-Performance Culture (Video) by Andrea Huspeni

5 Ways Leaders Must Build a Family Environment to Achieve Excellence by Glenn Llopis

Can’t-Miss Advice: 8 Business Leaders Share How to Cultivate a Successful High-Performance Company Culture by Kim Lachance Shandrow

15 Powerful Team-Building Quotes – SlideShare

Books, Conversations, Critical Thinking, Family, Growing up, Home, Lessons Learned, Love, Love Your Neighbor, Mothers, Redeeming & Restoring, Relationships

Open Letter to Our Young Adult Sons and to Their Moms

April 21, 2016 admindeb 6 Comments

Photo Credit: Quotesgram

When we were first becoming serious, my husband Dave answered his aunt’s question about a girlfriend and that’s how his mom found out we were dating. He would have told her, but she didn’t ask…not because she wasn’t interested…but maybe because that is the pattern we develop as moms of adult sons…

This past weekend I had the great joy of being with a large gathering of extended family. My place in that gathering was the aunt who has lived far away all their lives (at least, the young adults, for sure). I am only in town a few days, and maybe, we get one visit. It’s Q & A with Aunt Debbie – catching up, fairly non-threatening (I’m hoping), and it’s only for a few minutes with each one…so minimal and limited discomfort.

As I checked in with each of these young adult nephews, their moms were in the background in conversations of their own. When the question I asked (usually related to work/future) drew a response of new information to their moms, a maternal radar flipped on, and in the middle of their own conversations, these precious moms zeroed in on their sons. “What? When did you decide that?” When this happened with more than one nephew, it led to a sort of fascinating “aha!” moment – “No, it’s not just your mom who does that. All us moms do that sort of thing. We are just interested in our sons’ lives.”

Days later, this dance between moms and our adult sons has stayed on my mind. I’m still figuring out the steps myself, but thanks to other moms wiser and more experienced, I have grown in this area. So…if I had your sweet face in front of me right now, cherished sons and devoted moms, this is what I would say to you:

Young men…you are a marvel. Especially to your moms.* We believe we know you better than you know yourself. Forgive us for that… it comes from loving you across every day of your life…including the days you weren’t even easy to like. The closeness we have felt to you over the years isn’t an easy thing to let go. Somehow we missed the cues as you grew up that you were actually learning what we taught you – to manage your life, to make strong relationships, to become independent, to go after your dreams. We spoke into those things as you grew…and now you’re grown. Forgive us when we nudge our way into your life…we don’t really want to control as much as we want to be a part. You’re doing fine…and even when you’re not, we know from our own experience, that helping you too much isn’t helping. You know that yourself, in your heart. It may be why you hold us at arm’s length…when we press in.

Just be gentle with us…your moms. We don’t really mean to be intrusive. We’re just trying to figure out the balance ourselves. What’s too much? What’s not enough? It keeps us up at night sometimes. Can you believe that? Yes…you probably can. Anyway, we will try not to ask so many questions, and we’ll try not to give unasked advice…but you know we’re going to fail at that. So call occasionally before we have to hunt you down… Be your familiar self at home with us sometimes (we miss that old normal). Share your successes with us, so our hopes can crowd out our fears. Your mama loves you…she just misses you sometimes…even if you’re still living at home. This next stage of your life…this newly grown-up stage is both exhilarating and strange for her…She will figure out her place in it…as you give her grace to do so. Stepping on toes is part of the learning, so thanks for your gentleness and your strong arm of support.Photo Credit: Good News Network

Moms of adult sons…I’m one of you. Doesn’t it feel like it’s always our fault…about something or other? Well, for a few minutes, let’s leave off blaming…ourselves, our sons, or anyone else in the equation. Right now, I wish we were having coffee around the same table and talking together about what we’ve discovered of this new life – this new relationship between our grown-up sons and us.Photo Credit: Saga

Here’s what I’m learning and what has been helpful counsel from others:

Give space and keep space. I don’t understand it, but it does seem like our sons need a bit of breathing room. There is so much change in their own lives, they need to process it themselves. If they choose not to do that with us, we must give them the space to do it with someone else (best friend, Dad, girlfriend/wife). Don’t pull away when that happens (which might be our temptation). Keep space in our lives for these sons of ours. Whether through a card, a text/quick phone call, an occasional invitation for dinner. If you’re like me, you long for those regular family dinners like we see on the TV show Blue Bloods…but a quick burger out can also be a joyful experience…if we let it be.Photo Credit: Huffington Post
Helping and enabling may look similar but are not. I will be brief here because there is tons online about this. Related to our adult sons, we can help them (as they can, us) without it being a toxic or enabling situation. Do we treat our sons more like neighbors and friends or more like those little boys they once were? We have to examine our own hearts on this one. When it comes to our adult sons, do we love them in ways that free them to love others? Do we invest in them such that they actually are able to get farther down the road in life or the investment tightens their dependence on us? Puzzle this out as I do the same.
Communicate in our adult sons’ heart language. This came as a shock to me as our sons grew up, because I thought we communicated fairly well through the years. Unfortunately, I discovered that while they were in our home, it was Mom who too often set the tone and topic of our conversations. Now I am learning (still a beginner here) to follow our sons’ leads on conversations… I may still choose a topic but I don’t push it to its limit with them, as once was the case. Hopefully, this makes sense, and hopefully they have seen me grow in this area. How about you, Moms? Would love to hear (in comments) what your experience is in this language/conversation arena.
Keep our sense of humor. As these sons of ours are growing up, we are growing older. They are not us…their choices and life aspirations may surprise us, but they are still works in progress. Our lives are, as well. We have not arrived. When our values or decisions clash, moms tend to either get mad or hurt…neither bode well in our relationships with our sons. We must learn how to take our emotions by the neck and wrestle them to the floor… proactively. Some song lyrics come to mind as I think about this – also these lyrics reflect the advice received from wise moms in my life. “Get over it“, “Let it go“, and tell yourself, “I will survive” and “Tell your heart to beat again.” [Sidebar: I don’t even like the song “Let It Go” from the Disney film Frozen, but it’s advice that I’ve frequently received from mom friends].

So…that’s all I have today. Anything you’re willing to add to the conversation? It’s still somewhat of a forest for me…picking my way through…with you.

And, you sons of ours- we love you. Not as well, maybe, as we had hoped…but if we all keep at it, we may find even our relationships will get sweeter as life goes on. I’m hoping, anyway. Believing.

Photo Credit: Quotesgram

*This open letter may only speak to some, so if this is not helpful or doesn’t address your situation, I don’t mean to offend or presume. Parenting and being parented can be immensely satisfying and, at the same time, greatly complicated. If I can encourage, that is my goal…having the answers has to come from someone wiser than me.

YouTube Video – I Will Survive – scene from the film The Replacements

Parenting Adult Children by Todd Carey

When Helping Hurts – Are You an Enabling Parent? by Allison Bottke

When Is It OK to Be a Helicopter Parent? by Susan Krauss Whitbourne

Relationships Between Mothers and Adult Sons by Susan Adcox

The 6 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Adult Child by Linda Bernstein

Photo Credit: Amazon.com