Category Archives: Inspired

Love Your Neighbor – Foster Parenting & Adoption – Every Child in a Safe and Loving Home

Blog - Foster - fatherlessPhoto Credit: The Forgotten Initiative

“I’m naive. I will admit it. Before I became a social worker I thought every kid had a birthday party. I thought every kid had someone cheering them on in the bleachers. I thought every kid was taken care of when he or she was sick. I thought every kid was read to at night before bedtime. I thought every kid lived in a safe environment. Now? Now I know that thousands of kids live in fear. Thousands of kids struggle with low self-esteem. Thousands of kids are abused. Thousands of kids witness domestic violence. Thousands of kids are in need of a family. Who will care for the orphans?” – a friend who works in foster care

“Who will care for the orphans?”

Did you know that in your city, at the end of any day, there are children needing placement in a safe home? Maybe just for one night, or maybe long-term. Is it possible that your home is just the place for that infant to begin to experience love or for healing to begin for that child or teenager?

There are two types of foster care – traditional and therapeutic. You can learn all you need to know about traditional foster care by going to the Department of Social Services website of your city or state. Foster parents are in high demand and these agencies make it as easy as possible for you to learn what you need to know to become that parent.

Therapeutic foster care involves finding homes and parents for children who have special needs – either medical, emotional, or behavioral issues. These are children who may have suffered violence or who have endured terrible losses. These could be pregnant teens or runaways. These are children that need love the same as any others. Therapeutic foster care involves many more support people than just the foster parents and case workers. If you sense that you could reach out to such children who need more “hands on” care, there are agencies who need parents like you. 

Blog - Foster Care - childrensaidsociety org (2)Photo Credit: Childrensaidsociety.org

 Foster children may need to be placed in a home for short-term or long-term stays, but they may also need emergency placement with very little notice to the foster parents. Their ages and situations vary widely. These kids need love, care and a safe place to call home.

Blog - Foster LetterPhoto Credit: Ashleyannphotography.com

3 goals of foster care are:

  1. Reunification with the parents – this can happen when the parents of the foster child comply with whatever stipulations are applied by the Department of Social Services.
  2. Placement of child with someone in the extended family (biological relatives) – Again, this is approved by DSS, when the home/family situation is such that the child would be safely and therapeutically returned to a family member.
  3. Adoption or Permanent Foster Care – adoption of a teen is rare. Teens in foster care actually “age out” at 18y/o or when he or she finishes high school. Younger children can be adopted when it’s clear that a return to their biological parents or family won’t be happening. [See profiles here of children and teens available for adoption right now.]

Blog - Foster Care - BPNews.netPhoto Credit: BPNews.net

Is this something we could do as empty-nesters? Early in our marriage, we cared for a teenaged girl from our church for several weeks. She was estranged from her parents and both she and her parents needed time to heal. Just those few weeks, her with us, gave them all time to decompress. The problems didn’t vanish but the family was emotionally prepared to try again with each other. I will never forget that experience and realized then how valuable it is for families in crisis to know they are not alone. It was an experience that changed us, too, and created a life-long bond with us, both with the parents and their daughter.

The church has a mandate from God to care for the fatherless.

“If I have withheld anything that the poor desired,
or have caused the eyes of the widow to fail, or have eaten my morsel alone, and the fatherless has not eaten of it (for from my youth the fatherless grew up with me as with a father, and from my mother’s womb I guided the widow)…then let my shoulder blade fall from my shoulder, and let my arm be broken from its socket.” – Job 31:16-18, 22

Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow. – Isaiah 1:17

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.James 1:27

Chris Campbell, a social worker in Tulsa, Oklahoma, is the executive director of an initiative called 111 Tulsa. He and his team are working in the community and with the churches of Tulsa (across denominations) to raise up foster parents across the city – such that every child can have a safe and loving home for as long as he or she needs it. This could be an emergency placement of a few hours, or for a short time, or for long-term (maybe even leading to adoption).

We could do this in our own city.

Where do we start? We pray. Then we call one of these agencies and ask how we can help. Even if it’s just taking the foster parenting classes, so we’ll be prepared such God lead in this way. We can also help with non-funded needs the children might have – a birthday present, baby supplies for that pregnant teen, and even prom expenses. Then we get our churches involved.

There are many ways that we can love these neighbors – these kids in crisis. The most critical need is for foster parents. We could be those parents. I would love to hear your story. Let’s do what we can for these children to have their own story of love and family.

Blog - Foster Care adoptionPhoto Credit: BPNews.net

Drew and Nancy McDowell – Blessed with Children – 41 Times

Adoption: a Kaleidoscope Reflecting Light – a Tennessee Family’s Journey Through Infertility and Adoption

ADOPTION: Couple Promotes Adoption in Words & Deed

The Forgotten Initiative

A Turning Point

111 Tulsa – 1 Church, 1 Family, 1 Purpose

Foster Care – Becoming a Foster Parent – Virginia Department of Social Services

Virginia Department of Social Services

First Home Care – Therapeutic Foster Care

Monday Morning Moment – You Have Three Choices – in Work and Life

Blog - Monday Morning - Facebook imagePhoto Credit: Nourish the Dream – Facebook.com

Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.Colossians 3:22-24

Hopefully, you’re not feeling like a slave this Monday morning. You have choices. Even Paul, in writing to the Colossian church, spoke to those believers, enslaved at that time, as persons with choices.

My Monday mornings these days have been filled with thoughts and prayers for friends working in difficult and unusual circumstances – uncertain futures, struggling to stay on course, grappling with coming change. If you’re not in such a challenge, be glad and learn from those who are. How thankful I am for those in my life who shine as “stars in the universe” (Philippians 2:14-16).

Every single day, we have choices of how we deal with our work and our co-workers…especially in the press of uncertainty and change.

1. We could give up. What a temptation this is. When we are faced with what seems like a waning future (dwindling opportunities, more work with less workers, damaged trust), it is easy actually to give up. We clock in and do what’s necessary. Stay below the radar. Spend breaks researching other jobs. Keep doing what we’ve been doing with no vision for the future. This is an easy default…don’t make it yours. You’re better than that.

2. We could give in. – This is the darker choice. This is when we allow bitterness to take root in our hearts and color our attitudes and work. Giving in is when our performance actually deteriorates because we figure who cares anyway. Giving in is when we say the ugly things we’ve been thinking about our situation. Giving in is when we treat colleagues who were once friends as competitors, as threats to our position rather than supporters. Giving in does no one any favors and actually adds to the burden we already feel in what may be a very complicated situation already. Giving in is never where we want to go.Blog - Look Back, Look forward - Nourish the dreamPhoto Credit: Nourish the Dream Facebook.com

3. We could give it all we’ve got. Here’s where huge faith and great character come in. It’s so easy to say, “Keep doing what you’re doing”, “Stay in the game.”, “Trust God”. Don’t get me wrong; these encouragements are wise and true…it’s when we are struggling with the muck and mire of actually putting feet to faith in a situation that seems wrong. The difficulty at work may not even be wrong; it may be completely necessary…It’s when the force of the impact lands squarely on you that these choices become so real. Still, we have choices. It’s not the workplace that forces these choices on us. They are always ours. Every. Single. Workday.

If I can speak into my friends’ struggle, please stay on the course you’ve been on – such a way that you continue to build/leave a legacy of glory – to God and to the work He’s given us to do. One friend of ours in the thick of a stressful, stressful work situation, told another friend of mine, “Don’t lose heart”.  When you hear that kind of encouragement from someone determined to keep his own focus on what matters it resonates with such verity you want to do nothing less. So, let’s never lose heart and let’s do the work of trusting God in our situations. It’s so much better than the consequences of the other choices. So much better.Blog - Unknown future and a Known God - Monday MorningPhoto Credit: Nourish the Dream Facebook.com

After all, it’s only Monday morning. Who knows what the rest of the week will bring? For my friends who are in complicated work situations, having to drag yourselves out of a ditch each day to do a good job, I want to say how thankful I am to know you. How honored to see the fruit of your work. How joyful that our paths have crossed in the workplace. How much more trusting I am of God myself, because of you.

As our friend said, please “don’t lose heart”.

For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heartFor momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.2 Corinthians 4:15-17

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith. – Galatians 6:9-10

Blog - Encouragement, Empowered, every good workPhoto Credit: Nourish the Dream, Facebook.com

Nourish the Dream – Your Headquarters for Biblical Business Success – Facebook page – David G. Johnson

13 Bible Verses to Overcome Disappointment

5 Friday Faves – a Language Learning Guide, a Tribute to Jeannie Elliff, a Friend’s Blog, an Infographic, and Singing Contractors

Blog - Friday Faves

1. A 12-Step Program for Language Learning – 12 Rules for Learning Foreign Languages in Record Time — The Only Post You’ll Ever Need by Tim Ferriss. Besides English, I’ve learned Spanish, Arabic, and a bit of French – through a variety of learning methods. This blog post with Benny Lewis is the best counsel for anyone embarking on learning a foreign language. He offers 12 rules for learning a foreign language and includes several links to more resources. Really helpful! Maybe I’ll learn Mandarin one day…

Blog - Language Learning - Tim Ferriss on Twitter

Photo Credit: Tim Ferriss; Twitter.com

2. A Radio Program – Tribute to Jeannie Elliff  Our friend, Jeannie Elliff, died on July 20 after a long battle with breast cancer. She was a young 69 years old. Her husband, Tom, and all four of her children spoke at her memorial service. It was the most beautiful service I’ve ever seen honoring a woman who loved God and all of us so completely. Revive Our Hearts Radio is doing a two-part tribute (October 1 & 2) entitled Faithful to the Finish: The Life of Jeannie Elliff. Nancy Leigh DeMoss moderates the tribute, using audioclips from the memorial service. You can listen via the website and the transcript of the program is included in the link.Jeannie & Tom in chemo clinicJeannie & Tom in Chemo Clinic – Photo Credit: Facebook.com

3. A Friend’s Blog on Love – My friend, Marlo, writes a blog entitled Pressing On which chronicles her family’s journey to life after the death of their daughter/sister, Anna. This piece focuses on the sixth verse of 1 Corinthians 13 (also known as the “Love Chapter” of the Bible).

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. – 1 Corinthians 13:6

I never really thought about this verse until I read her blog. It’s an important truth and Jesus lived it lovingly. As are we to do so as well.

“He was both/and. He was holy and he was loving. His holiness was not a barrier to people because it was paired with love. Jesus met people where they were. He knew their sins and loved them anyway. He did not rejoice in their wrongdoing, but showed them a better way. If we are going to be like him, we have to approach people the same way.” – Marlo

Blog - Love - 1 Corinthians 13

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

4. An Infographic20 Common Ways We Make Bad Decisions. I love infographics, being a visual learner. This one is fascinating as it lists out the many factors that lead us to making bad decisions. Which ones are you the most vulnerable to?

Blog - InfographicPhoto Credit: DailyInfographic.com

5. Singing Contractors – Have you ever taken advantage of an empty room to belt out a song? It sounds so good, right? Well, not as good, maybe as these guys can make an empty room sound. I don’t know how The Singing Contractors got started singing together, while working, but I’m glad they did. You are watching the beginning of a YouTube phenomenon.

What are some of your favorites from this week? I’d love to hear them.

Worship Wednesday – I’ll Fix My Eyes on You – for King & Country

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Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.Hebrews 12:1-3

If the Priceless Tour with For King & Country comes your way don’t miss it! Having a musician in my own family (Nathan Mills), I can appreciate how rich an experience it is to hear music live. Joel and Luke Smallbone, and their incredible band, do not disappoint. In fact, I have never been to such a musical event, where the message itself is so clear, in decades (since early Twila Paris).

The opening act for the Priceless Tour is Moriah Peters with her #fiercefemaleband. She is married to Joel Smallbone. Beautiful songs about God, women, being brave, relationships, and marriage.2015 Sep - Concert - For King and Country and Moriah Peters 042

Then the guys take the stage. As they start with Fix My Eyes, it feels like a scene out of the play Les Misérables – “the barricade“.  An audiovisual feast of drumming, lights, smoke, and guys looking like they dropped in from another era. There is a very different feel with this band – high energy and big performances, and yet a clear respect and enjoyment of each other. Love even. And love for God at the center.2015 Sep - Concert - For King and Country and Moriah Peters 116

All the musicians are introduced and have cameos during the concert. There’s a lot of movement during the performances including the band coming out in the audience. Bringing the audience as deeply into the experience as possible is definitely a goal for these guys.

Joel and Luke both have talks during their set. They speak of honoring women, and stepping up as husbands and fathers, and reaching out to children in need (through Compassion). They tell stories of their own growing up years – moving to the US, going through a period where their dad was jobless, and watching God provide in countless ways for their needs (especially through their church family). Luke also talks about his life-threatening illness out of which came the songs “Without You” and “Shoulders“. Finally, they talk about Jesus…and following Him.

2015 Sep - Concert - For King and Country and Moriah Peters 1392015 Sep - Concert - For King and Country and Moriah Peters 174

Don’t miss the tour…but most importantly don’t miss the God and King of For King & Country. Their songs are strong testimony of the purpose of our lives and the faithfulness of God through all our circumstances.

Worship with me as I “fix my eyes” on God right now (lyrics follow, below the YouTube video). [After, scroll to bottom for a last word from Joel Smallbone and a P.S….but don’t miss worshipping…please].

Hit rewind, click delete
Stand face to face with the younger me
All of the mistakes
All of the heartbreak
Here’s what I’d do differently, I’d

(Chorus)
Love like I’m not scared
Give when it’s not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
On You

I learned the lines and talked the talk
(Everybody knows it, everybody knows it)
But the road less traveled is hard to walk
(Everybody knows it, everybody knows)
It takes a soldier
Who knows his orders
To walk the walk I’m supposed to walk, and

(Chorus)

The things of earth are dimming
In the light of Your glory and grace
I’ll set my sights upon Heaven
I’m fixing my eyes on You, on You
I’m fixing my eyes on You, on You
I’m fixing my eyes

(Chorus)

I’ll fix my eyes on You, on You
I’ll fix my eyes on You, on You

“That hope is why we do what we do to carry that into any situation, any environment, that we’re allowed to, to offer people not just a temporary fix but, God willing, offer them a changed eternity.” – Joel Smallbone

[P.S. If you love drums, you will love how For King & Country use drums. If you love lighting used in bedazzling ways, you will love their lighting. The word “Jesus” was actually painted on the wall of this venue – it isn’t a part of their usual stage visual. For me, as the lighting was going on and off, it made a great statement of their focus – I got this shot where the lighting and smoke completely obscured the band, but Jesus showed through. That’s my experience of these guys.]

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Lyrics to Fix My Eyes by Luke Smallbone, Joel Smallbone, and Seth Mosley

YouTube Video – for KING & COUNTRY – Fix My Eyes | The Story Behind The Song

for King and Country – Priceless Tour

Compassion International – Sponsor a Child

Baptist Global Response

YouTube Video – The Story Behind the Song Without You

Worship Wednesday – Let My Life be the Proof of Your Love – For King & Country

Worship Wednesdays – Shoulders – for King & Country

Here I Raise My Ebenezer* – Stones of Remembrance to a Faithful God

2014 Sep MomMom & PopPop Visit 002

From the Archives –

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.James 1:17

What a weekend we’ve had…whew! Over the course of a few days, we’ve seen God answer prayers that have been daily raised to Him for several months. His timing is perfect and I’m reminded of that every time His answers come at what seems, for us, the eleventh hour.

Above my kitchen sink is this small pile of stones. I’ve loved rocks since my childhood trailing around behind a mom who loved rocks. She has moved stones in and around our yard for years, making rock walls and garden paths. We’ve collected stones from around the world, weighing down our bags with precious finds from ocean beaches, mountain trails, forest streams, and rocky deserts. These became stones of remembrance from those trips.

My little pile of rocks has no particular answered prayers attached to the stones. They just remind me, every time I look at them, of the faithfulness of God. It’s not like I always need visual reminders of God because we are surrounded by them. These windowsill sitters do help me to remember His constancy in my life and His care of His people throughout history.

Here…above my kitchen sink…”I raise my Ebenezer*” (from 1 Samuel 7:12) – my stones of remembrance that say, to my heart, “thus far the Lord has helped us.”

You may be waiting for Him to answer a prayer of your own. Don’t let your circumstances blur your vision of God; keep your eyes and heart fixed on Him. Sometime in the days ahead, you will add a “stone” to your heap of gratefulness, as you see Him move…either in the situation, or in you, or both…most probably both.

I leave you with an old hymn written by Robert Robinson who, as a young man, would have destroyed his life, but God had a different plan for him. Robinson wrote beautifully of this faithful, loving God who does not let us go.

Here’s the David Crowder Band performing it (lyrics follow):

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing**

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer*;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

YouTube Video with Lyrics – Come Thou Fount – David Crowder Band

*“Here I Raise my Ebenezer” – origin of word and phrase – Ebenezer –  Hebrew words ’Eben hà-ezer (eh’-ben haw-e’-zer) –  “stone of help”

**Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing – Lyrics & Story Behind the Song

On Thankfulness

20 Bible Verses On Being Thankful – Jarrid Wilson

23 Bible Verses on Gratitude

Eid al-Adha – Feast of the Sacrifice – A Day of Prayers & Celebration Around the World

Indian Muslim boys take a goat for sacrifice after offering prayers on Eid al-Adha in Hyderabad, India, Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2010.Photo Credit: blogs.sacbee.com

“My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” And he said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?” Abraham said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” So the two of them walked on together. Genesis 22:7-8

…Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son. Abraham called the name of that place The LORD Will Provide, as it is said to this day, “In the mount of the LORD it will be provided.”  – Genesis 22:13-14

عيد أضحى مبارك كل عام وانتم بخير
“Happy Eid Adha or Eid Mubarak!”

For Muslims, Eid al-Adha (“Feast of the Sacrifice”) is a holy day of similar importance as Easter and Christmas are to believing Christians. It is the day each year that they remember and celebrate God’s provision of a sacrificial animal for obedient Abraham. Abraham submitted himself to God’s instructions on that day centuries ago, and God provided.

Eid al-Adha actually falls during the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca. For those who are able and can afford to make the “hajj”, they will celebrate this day as part of their journey in Saudi Arabia.

We spent many years in North Africa and observed our friends and neighbors celebration of Eid al-Adha. Sometimes we were included but usually our friends spent the primary activities of the Eid (prayers, slaughter of an animal, and feasting through the day) together as family. We would be invited over the next days to enjoy the bounty of food that continued through the 3-day celebration.

The memories of those days remain with me. In the days before the feast, sheep markets popped up everywhere.Blog - Sheep for sale - Morocco

As neighbors bought their sheep, the bleating of these animals would spread through the city. Then in the early morning of the Eid, the streets filled with families making their way to the mosque for prayers. Children in new clothes would join their parents, boys with their dads, and girls with their moms, in their designated areas of the mosque. These chanted prayers would fill the air.

Our experience of the killing of the sheep was that butchers would come to where the sheep were – on roofs of apartment buildings or in alleyways beside them, or in the courtyard of villas. There was a prayer over the animal, and the butcher quickly killed the sheep and prepared the body for the grilling that would come later in the day. Sometimes, the animal was carved up and divided to be shared with other family members and with the poor.

There were three distinct smells on that day – the smell of blood, the smell of hair burning (as the sheep heads were burned on an open fire), and the smell of grilled meat. That last smell makes up for the earlier ones. I have seen satellite views online of the predominantly Muslim world on Eid al-Adha where there’s actually a visible cover of smoke. Not sure if it was true or not, but there is so much burning on this day.

Anyway, to my Muslim friends, I greet you on this feast day. Safe travels and sweet times together with those you love. May you know the provision of God for all you need in this life and the next.

We share the same Father Abraham. I shared, from the Torah/Bible, some of the account of his experience with the Lord that day. [In the Quran, the account is found in sura 37.] For us as believing Christians, the Biblical account was a foreshadowing of another Sacrifice, another provision of God.Blog - Abraham's sacrifice and God's provision - sheep - Domenichino en wikipedia org (2)Photo Credit: Domenichino, en.wikipedia.org

“It is He who comes after me, the thong of whose sandal I am not worthy to untie.” [John the Baptist, speaking – John 1:27]

The next day he saw Jesus coming to him and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” John 1:29

There are others, both religious and irreligious, who find these stories of blood and killing/dying repulsive and off-putting. When Adam and Eve rebelled against God, He covered them with the skins of animals, when they hid from God in their no longer innocent nakedness (Genesis 3:21). Our rebellion, our human condition really, requires a provision from a holy God. This is not such a popular view these days…but it is what comes to mind for me on this day.

I am grateful for those things we share with our Muslim friends. Deep relationships and conversations. Sweet memories and making more.

We also celebrate, in different ways, a God who provides. Thanks be to God for His indescribable, unspeakable, all surpassing, exceedingly great gift. (2 Corinthians 9:14)

The Frame: Eid Al-Adha, Feast of the Sacrifice – Photos from around the world

Behold the Lamb of God – John Piper

Perfected for All Time by a Single Offering – John Piper

An Uncle Like Abraham – Do You Have One? Would You Be One?

Givers, Takers, or Matchers in the Workplace – Which One Are You? – with Adam Grant

Blog - Givers, Takers, Matchers - Adam GrantPhoto Credit: Chuck Scoggins.com

A smart and gifted friend of mine is going through a taxing time on her new job. Long hours, piling up responsibilities, with no end in sight. She lamented that maybe the problem is that she’s a people-pleaser. That expression seems to communicate a character weakness, and I don’t see that operating so much with this friend of mine. What seems more her dilemma is that she’s what Adam Grant calls a “giver”…which is a good thing. The dilemma for my friend and her workplace is to establish a culture where she, and other givers, can thrive.

Adam Grant is a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. He has also written this great book – Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success. I heard him speak at the Global Leadership Summit and bought his book. His take on the three tops of people who make up our work culture was both fascinating and practical.Blog - Give and Take by Adam Grant - cminds.netPhoto Credit: Amazon.com

Grant sees us all as either givers, takers, or matchers. “It’s very hard to judge our own style. What values you live each day is in the eye of the beholder.” We may not necessarily see ourselves in these categories, but our colleagues will. Ask them, if you have the courage. Then you might consider taking what you learn and thinking through how you might use that information to become a more effective employee and valued colleague.

Takers are those who often manage to do the least amount of work yet gaining the most notice. They manage to get “the lion’s share of credit for collective achievements”, notes Grant. The Takers are the shirkers in the workplace. They are not at their desks because they are off schmoozing (oops, I meant networking, right?) in another department. They somehow get their jobs done partly by leaning on the strong work ethic of the Givers.

Givers are the people who simply enjoy helping others – “no strings attached”. They get to work early and stay late, if necessary. Their core values resonate in the quantity and quality of their work.

Matchers are most of us, really, doing our part in the workplace. Matchers can be counted on to keep things “fair” at work. “I’ll do something for you if you do something for me” is their mantra. They believe in “an eye for an eye” and “just worlds”.  They are the “fairness” or “Karma” police in the workplace.

Grant readily admits that we may operate out of all three styles from time to time, but we each have a dominant style at work.

How do givers, takers, and matchers fare in the workplace? Which of these sinks to the bottom in terms of performance and impact?

Givers are the worst performers (but keep reading). “The ones who get the least work done are the ones who help the others and never get their own jobs done”, reports Grant.  “I love helping others” is not the one on top of the heap of performers. “The lowest revenue accrues to the most generous salespeople.”

It’s sad news that givers sink to the bottom. If you want to boost your organization, have more givers….unfortunately the givers do it at their own expense – unless the organization builds a culture that helps the givers to thrive.

Who rises to the top?

If givers are the worst performers, who are the best performers? You think it’s takers? Takers rise quickly, and fall quickly. They often fall at the hands of the Matchers who can use gossip (or, said another way, workplace channels of influence) to call out the abuse of the Takers. Beware, Takers, of the Matchers in the shadows. Also, other Takers can also take down those more abusive, or less-well-liked Takers.

Are the Matchers the best performers? Not usually. The best results belong to the Givers. Wait! How can they also be the best performers? It’s a both/and situation.

Grant encourages: “Helping others can sink your career but it can also accelerate your careers. Hang in there.”

It takes a while for Givers to learn and build connections, but when they do, it’s a win-win for the organization.

How can we build cultures to help Givers be successful?

3 Things We Can Do:

  1. Keep the wrong people off the bus. – Get the right people on the bus. If possible, keep Takers off the bus. “One Taker on the team and paranoia starts to spread.” Put one Giver on the team, and you don’t necessarily have an explosion of generosity. It’s not bringing in the Givers; it’s weeding out the Takers. Matchers follow the norm. Matchers will follow the example of the Givers.
  2. Redefine Giving.   Wisdom is to know who is who in the workplace. Or at least not be thrown off by behaviors vs. motives. Then we can shape our work culture to empower Givers, influence Matchers, and avoid enabling Takers. In an interview with Adam Grant, Thinkers50 spelled this process out very well. For instance, consider Agreeableness vs. Disagreeableness – in Takers, Givers, and Matchers. We usually think Takers are disagreeable, but not necessarily so. Givers aren’t always agreeable either. Just because someone is nice to you (an agreeable Taker) doesn’t mean they care about you (Givers, in general, really care). Adam Grant also talks about the importance of kindness in the workplace. This is a strength of Givers, but it can also push them to over-work and exhaustion. Grant prescribes “5-minute favors (a microloan of your time, skills, or connections). Volunteering – 100 hours a year – is the sweet spot. Greater than 100 hours a year is too much. 2 hours a week.”
  3. Encourage Help-Seekers – A work culture of Help-Seekers will take silos down. “People step up when others say ‘I’m stuck; I need some help’. If no one asks for help, you have a lot of frustrated Givers in your organization.” Grant recommends an exercise called the Reciprocity Ring – Gathering teams together and having each person state a request of something they want or need and then everyone else in the room tries to use their expertise and networks to make it happen. “People are often unbelievably generous if you ask for help. Givers step up. The Takers become more generous. All the offers of help are visible. Takers don’t want to get outed. The Matchers realize that matching is useful, but it’s an inefficient way to run an organization. If you have given help to others without getting back, then you can increase your productivity because you don’t have to just ask those you’ve helped.”

Givers ask the question “How can I be the rising tide that lifts all boats?” We can move our organizations in this direction of maximum impact and satisfaction, by nurturing a Giver culture.  Instead of workplace paranoia, imagine a culture distinguished by a “Pro-noia” – the “delusion” that other people are plotting your wellbeing.  May it not be a delusion but a daily reality.

Give and Take – An Interview with Adam Grant by Thinkers50

Give and Take – A Revolutionary Approach to Success by Adam Grant

Outward Focused Lives // Givers, Takers, Matchers

Give and Take – An introduction

YouTube Video – Adam Grant, Professor – Givers, Takers, and Matchers

YouTube Video – Adam Grant’s Give and Take Talk at Google

Global Leadership Summit 2015

The Reciprocity Ring

Live Blog: 2015 Leadership Summit – 30 Leadership Quotes from Adam Grant – Brian Dodd on Leadership

The Global Leadership Summit Session Three – Adam Grant – Notes by Chuck Scoggins

Worship Wednesday – Fanny Crosby’s Blessed Assurance – From the Archives

2014 May Blog 002

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith… Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.Hebrews 10:22a, 23

Fanny Crosby (1820-1915) was an American songwriter. She wrote the lyrics to more than 8000 hymns. Many in church today do not sing the hymns of old, but even my millennial children know all the words to Crosby’s Blessed Assurance.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Saviour am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

The history of the hymn is a quick glimpse into Fanny Crosby’s life. She was visiting in the home of a composer friend who had just written a melody. The friend, Phoebe P. (Mrs. Joseph K.) Knapp, asked her what came to mind upon hearing the melody, and Fanny responded immediately, “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.” She then completed the rest of the lyrics shortly thereafter.

Fanny wrote both secular and sacred music and taught school. She was also profoundly concerned for the urban poor and lived most of her life in and around the poorest neighborhoods of New York City. She was a vocal protestor against slavery and testified before the U.S. Senate in support of education for the blind.

Fanny Crosby had been blind all her life.  Her physical eyes were dark but her spiritual vision was crystal clear.  She commented often how if she’d been sighted she might have missed the depth of awareness of God and His nearness to her. [Autobiography of Fanny Crosby]

Her songs communicate strong emotion and deep devotion. I am thankful to have grown up attending summer revival meetings and church camps where these hymns were regularly a part of the program.  Some of my favorites are: I Am Thine, O Lord; Jesus is Calling; Praise Him, Praise Him, Jesus our blessed Redeemer; Redeemed how I Love to Proclaim it; and To God Be the Glory. Just remembering the titles of these great old hymns takes me back – to warm summer nights; women fanning themselves with paper fans advertising the local funeral home; preachers making passionate appeals as if a matter of life and death; singing “one more verse” of one of those Crosby hymns.

benevolence-ga-randolph-county-baptist-church-interior-funeral-home-fans-folklife-picture-image-photo-brian-brown-vanishing-south-georgia-usa-20121

Or at church camp, by a lake, around a huge crackling fire popping and sending sparks up to the dark night sky; all of us circled around, singing and praying…for our sinful teenaged selves or for the friend on either side of us. Those were experiences deeply imprinted in my life’s story – those experiences, Crosby’s hymns, and the God of those hymns.

Some of my contemporaries write about those experiences as emotional ploys to bring some weak soul to a public profession of faith. All I know is that God grabbed hold of me in a very real way through the music of those old hymnists like Fanny Crosby.

She was one who knew God – who saw Him with eyes that couldn’t see anything else. And at some point, early in her life, she became one who only had eyes for Him…and that intimacy is reflected in her hymns. God Himself is marvelously magnified in her hymns. Blessed assurance.

Blessed Assurance by Third Day (with Lyrics)

Blessed Assurance by Third Day (Live)

Blessed Assurance by The Angelic Choir

In Christ Alone – a contemporary hymn by Stuart Townend and Keith Getty

Fan Photo by Brian Brown

A Grateful Heart Day – Thankful for Those Who Just Show Up – and for a God Who Never Leaves

Blog - Writing & Journaling - Joy List

I’ve been writing all my life. Keeping a journal has been a source of joy and sanity for many of those years. Once when we were overseas, I was encouraged to keep a Joy List – a list of the simple things that just gave me joy. It’s still a joy to add to that list as I experience more of God’s kindnesses in His creation – people and places, stuff and such.

This is going to be quick. In a few minutes, I head to the airport to visit my Dad. He is such a delight to me…even with Alzheimer’s, he’s funny and thus far still loves life and family and food. He still prays which is a blessing to him, I’m sure, and to all of us.Papa on 90th

Anyway, I want to come back to this topic another day. For now, for you who show up for each other, what a joy you are! How grateful I am for you – in my life and in the lives of those I love. You may think it a small thing, a usual thing, but it’s not.

Marilyn Gardner wrote on this topic in her blog, and I found it this morning while researching the phrase “just showing up”. She expressed it so well.

The world is not changed through one momentous event, it is changed through the often boring, simple acts of obedience that I am daily called to. it is changed by showing up.” – Marilyn Gardner

I also want to recommend a book by Kara Tippetts entitled Just Show Up (see link below). She wrote this with a friend, Jill Lynn Buteyn, who, with others, “showed up” as Kara was living with cancer. She is with the Lord now but has left such a beautiful legacy in her life and writing.

Blog - Just Show Up

“Today I want to show up. I want to be fully present. It’s in showing up that I learn more of the faithfulness of the God who shows up. ” – Marilyn Gardner

It’s About Showing Up – Communicating Across Boundaries – Marilyn Gardner

Just Show Up by Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn & Other Books by Kara

10 Biblical Proofs that God Will Never Leave You or Forsake You

Just Show Up – James Altucher

“Inspiration Is for Amateurs – The Rest of Us Just Show Up and Get to Work”

Looking for a Job…or the Next Job? – 4 Ideas to Consider

Blog - Do Over #2

When you need a job, or a new job, you are in a tender place. I will treat that place with honor. You have gifts, experience, and workplace wisdom that are needed somewhere…so please don’t despair. Any bitterness that could be taking root in your heart will only get in your way. You have choices, more than you think. You have probably had more advice than you can even follow, so I don’t want to burden you with another load of it. Just 4 ideas.

  1. Read an encouraging and practical book.  For me, that book is Jon Acuff’s Do Over. Acuff gives sound counsel, mixed with fun stories, about how to get on with your life in the marketplace. In fact, I wrote 5 blogs on his book (see links below). I leave out the stories, but his “next steps” are extremely helpful and sometimes surprisingly counter-intuitive. He boosts the reader’s confidence in a genuine way and  doing the exercises in his book can make a huge difference in job hunting. So much affirmation…real affirmation.
  2. Network with lots of people. It’s not just about “who you know”. It’s also about “who knows you”. Sometimes we don’t even recognize our own strengths (OR weaknesses). Trusted friends or even respected acquaintances can give you much-needed food for thought and action. Maybe you don’t even know what to do, job-wise – your future is wide open but looks (to you) very dark. Input from others who care about you or who are caring, in general, can help you focus. You may not have even considered what they may be telling you – either about your own hireability or the job market itself. Listen and learn. P.S. Don’t go to them for a job; go to them for wisdom about getting a job.
  3. Try something completely new. The film The Intern with Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway speaks to this something new. A 70-year-old takes an internship in a cool successful company. Funny and winsome and could be one of us, right? Then I have also been hearing a lot lately about advanced manufacturing and the need for apprentices in this field. You may have a “white collar” education that could be more finely tuned with some “blue collar” experience. Those terms may be antiquated with the blurring of boundaries in our more technology-rich manufacturing companies. You could be that intern or apprentice.

4. Consider working with a head-hunter or job placement agency. In a conference recently, I heard Michael Thompson, founder and CEO of Turas Group, speak to a group of job-seekers. His approach was warm and positive. In that half-hour session, he gave strong individualized counsel to each person, based on what information they had already sent them. Counsel that helped everyone in the room really, but also individualized to each person’s needs. He also asks really good questions which is incredibly helpful for clarification – when you really don’t know what to do next.

One thing Thompson expressed was the importance of doing lots of interviews. His counsel included: a) prepare and do research to know your interviewers; b) arrive early; c) have your 60 second pitch down; d) – smile a lot, have energy, be excited and maintain eye contact; e) answer directly and concisely; and finally f) if you don’t know the answer to a question, share that, but then offer what you would do (especially if you’ve never done that something needed). Thompson also encouraged the participants to join LinkedIn (a global online professional network).Blog - Friday Faves - Turas Group

Whether you’re just out of college or you find yourself in the throes of a company downsizing, you know something of what you offer any employer. Allow these 4 ideas to fill in some of the holes you can’t see that would make job hunting a less painful and more productive endeavor.

As to dealing with the disappointment of not finding a job right out of school, or the loss of satisfying work you loved, please don’t let that define you. You have choices…maybe very different that you first imagined, but you have them. Make those lists of strengths and people of influence in your life as Jon Acuff advises; talk (well, listen more) to friends and advocates; and stay open to a real positive turn in your career. Finally, I personally would add “Pray” to all this. Prayer will help you to not panic or grow bitter when your emotional energy would better serve your pursuit of that job – the one you can’t imagine right now. Remember who you are and Whose you are.

Any comments on what has helped you or what is sustaining you in your job hunt? Please share below.

Do Over – Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work, and Never Get Stuck – by Jon Acuff – Notes (Part 1)

Do Over – Jon Acuff on Work Relationships – Notes (Part 2 of Do Over Series)

10 Quotes by Jon Acuff on Developing New Skills & Sharpening Old Ones – Part 3 of Do Over Series

Jon Acuff on Character at Work – 9 Quotes & a Challenge – Part 4 of the Do Over Series

Jon Acuff on the Role of Hustle in Taking Hold of Career Opportunities – Notes & Quotes – Part 5 of Do Over Series

Turas Group – Michael Thompson, CEO – Michael@turasgroup.com – or connect via LinkedIn

Tips for a Successful Job Search – Tulane University