Tag Archives: family

All Good Gifts, Bookmarked Summer, Books, Cancer, Community, Courage, Cross-Cultural, Faithfulness, Finishing Strong, Grief and Loss, Kindness, Leadership, Marriage, Memories, Relationships, Seasons, Transformational, Words, work, Workplace or Marketplace

32 Years Married – a Montage of Pictures and Thoughts of Our Life Together – Thus Far

August 4, 2016 admindeb 16 Comments

[Adapted from previous blog – August 3, 2014 – a bit of a long read – but the words keep coming sometimes.]

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. – Colossians 3:15-20

How can we be as young as we are and be married 32 years? Maybe we don’t seem so young to others…but these years seem to have zoomed by. The flight of years shows in our bodies and minds, but for us, it is most apparent in the launch of adult children into their own lives and marriages. Then…it comes back to just the two of us.

First encounter – at church on a Sunday in January. My first Sunday in New Haven, Ct. I thought he was from the Middle East – standing with a group of other students – tall, dark, and (yep) handsome. Later I would find he had a native American, not Middle Eastern, background.

Two friends – walking through the snow to a Yale-Cornell basketball game – that would become our first date. I was in my early 30s by then and pretty much had put marriage out of my mind. Life was good enough. I was teaching in the nursing program at Yale University, and Dave was a graduate student in the chemistry department. We were friends…and then friendship grew into love.

A Marriage Born Out of Prayer – This young man who grew up on the Eastern Shore of Maryland had a praying mother. He grew up hunting and fishing and excelling academically, and she prayed for just the right wife for him. I don’t understand how all this works, but I’m thankful for Julia and for this son she raised so well.

Birth of our first-born – This man so unsure and almost dreading being a father. Liking life the way it was…and then she was born. She turned this bass-fishing, prison visiting, analytical chemist into a complete softie.

That day in March, when Christie was born, he became a Dad and continues to pray and support his kids…not intrusively, but always there for them. Always there.

Life Overseas – For over 15 years, we lived in North Africa. Egypt, Tunisia, Morocco. It was an incredible experience. Living, working, raising our kids, and being in community in those places and with their peoples. I will always be grateful for Dave’s leadership. From leading our little family to a time when he was leading a division (100 people or so) in his work. He takes seriously the responsibilities in his charge…

Dave’s a quiet man. Some in our lives have suggested his quietness made him seem scary, or unengaged, or disinterested. Not at all. This man in my life, this friend forever, is always thinking… I count on his thinking things through…even when he’s struggling personally or wrestling with a difficult situation. Completely approachable. He also reaches out, sometimes in very uncomfortable ways for him…as in a different language/culture and when the stakes are too high to wait for another to intervene.

From our days of dating right through to today, his heart’s desire is to do the right thing, to honor God with his life… Our years living outside the US were both wonderful and hard times of God sharpening that resolve.

Hardest Experience Living Overseas [essential sidebar] – The search, through Egypt’s Sinai, for a precious girl, lost from us in a moment when a bus crashed. Dave’s courage and determination to do what he could to make right a terrible wrong will always be with me, as a reminder of his character and care of someone we both loved very much.

So many shared memories of good friends, beautiful spaces, happy times and sad.

These Two Years’ Experience in the US – This is really more a timeline than a singular event. Since our 30th anniversary, these two years have been a journey of rediscovering the immeasurable grace of God through both a difficult and joyous season of our lives. The joy relates to the addition to our family of two tiny persons – a granddaughter and a grandson. To watch my husband around them exactly portrays how grandchildren make us young again. The hard times relate to work – for me, “not working anymore” (early retirement? Not ready). For Dave, huge changes in his job which he also wasn’t quite ready for…but, hey, thankfully still employed . These changes come with this season of life for some of us…and they are part of God’s work in our lives, I believe.

Another hard thing for us on the eve of this anniversary was a surgery and cancer diagnosis. Now almost fully recovered, I have had another glimpse of this man’s kindness. Never before, even with years practicing cancer nursing, has it ever dawned on me what it must be like for the husband. For him to sit alone with the news of cancer that he must share with his wife on her waking after surgery. That courage and that care. God continues to use hard things to carve the heart of this man into an even more malleable thing.

Whatever these 32 years have produced with us together, the best of it has been 3 great young people (and the 2 cherished engrafted children who’ve joined our family). Alongside of them is the unalterable way the Lord has knit us together, my husband and me, with each other and with Him.

I will always be grateful to God for bringing Dave into my life – for our marriage and the family Dave brought with him, and for the family we have together, now including two darling grandchildren. So much joy.[Four Generations – Dave, his mom and MamaLu, and Christie][Four Generations – Dave, his dad, Nathan, and Titus]

I have no idea what is ahead, except for what is promised through God’s Word. Whatever is ahead, I am so grateful for what I’ve learned through this man who married me 32 years ago. He has given me a face of one who does not give up, of one who fights for what is right, of one who is tender toward the weak, of one who loves no matter what. I have been both the recipient of this and the one at his side as he extends himself to others.

Now, we are two again…as in the beginning of our relationship. Yet we are at a very different place. God has shown Himself to be ever-present in all these years of our lives. He’s given me exactly what I needed in this husband of mine – a man as true as steel in his walk with God and with his family. We count on him; he counts on God. And whatever happens out there in front of us…I have peace, on this our 32nd. anniversary that God will be there for each of us, to show us how to live…as He has in all these years thus far.

Through the Years – YouTube video of Kenny Rogers Ballad

Brad Hambrick – Great Marriage & Family Counselor – Marriage Helps Online

Sacred Marriage – What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy – by Gary Thomas – Such a great book!

An example of Elisabeth Elliot’s counsel to one marrying – Always forgive.

Elisabeth Elliot Quotes

America, Food & Drink, Holidays, Inspired, Memories

Independence Day Montage – Family, Food, Fireworks, and the American Flag

July 4, 2016 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: John Williams

Last year, I wrote about July 4 here.

Just want to wish you all a happy and safe celebration of our Independence Day, you Americans out there.

On this rainy morning, we will still push through with preparations for a family cook-out later in the afternoon.

Lee Greenwood’s renditions of “God Bless the USA” will be viewed on YouTube and sung at parades and baseball games around our country. [The one in the YouTube below shows Greenwood singing at the World Series at Yankee Stadium just weeks after the WTC bombings of 9/11.]

Patriotism is a costly thing. Freedom, even costlier. We, like many other nations around the world, have lost many of our young men and women in wars…fought for all sorts of reasons.

Today, we will see our flag displayed more than any other time of the year. Hopefully, today, it won’t be at half-mast. So many losses in recent years that have kept us from flying her at full-mast.Photo Credit: Jason Miller

Whatever our politics or our passports, today is a day to be grateful for all the sacrifices that went into making this nation…and hopefully we will strive to protect the freedoms fought for by so many others. My hope also is that we can still strive to be a nation that does good, not just inside its own borders but around the world.

As I think of our family and friends all over, both here and abroad, may we not forget what is at stake…on this day, and every day.

For today, we who can spend the 4th together, will count both our blessings that we richly enjoy and the costs incurred that make such a day possible. We look ahead to what we bring to making this nation what it can be still.

Let freedom ring and God bless this country we lift up to Him. To God be the glory!

DebMillsWriter – Independence Day in the USA – Celebrating the 4th of July and Remembering that Freedom is Not Free

Celebrating Who We Are Becoming – Strategic Monk – Greg Richardson

YouTube Video – Top 10 American Independence Day Facts

YouTube Video – Soussa’s The Stars and Stripes Forever – “The President’s Own” Marine Corp Band

YouTube Video – The Star-Spangled Banner – lyrics, vocals & beautiful pictures

Aging, All Good Gifts, Alzheimer's Disease, Beauty of God's Creation, Bible, Dad, Faithfulness, Friday Faves, God, Gospel, Guitar, Inspired, Leadership, Love Your Neighbor, Marginalized People, Music, Seasons, Thanksgiving or Gratefulness, Word of God, work, Workplace or Marketplace

5 Friday Faves – krueTV, Irises, Employee Trends, Alzheimer’s Caregivers, and the Promises of God

April 22, 2016 admindeb Leave a comment

Whew! Another Friday…looking forward to a weekend of family time, friend visits, church community, a baby shower and child’s birthday party…and still a bit of space. Space is part of what we love about Friday’s, right? Some space in the week when we can breathe deep and re-calibrate. Hope you find that in your weekend.

Here are my faves this week:

krueTV – New phone app which allows you to listen in and interact with musicians live (in real time). Of course, my favorite musician on krueTV is Nathan Mills at Beyond the Guitar. You can follow him and many others by downloading the app free. Listen in. Chat with the musicians. Enjoy!Photo Credit: krueTV
Irises – My favorite flowers are irises and they are blooming now. Mom grew irises in our yard. They signaled the coming of summer and the end of the school year. When we sold our parents’ home a couple of years ago, one of their granddaughters, Stephanie, did the loving work of transplanting some of those irises into her yard. I regret not doing that myself. Glad she did! Here’s one: Irises growing in our yard are thanks to the previous owner and sweet neighbors who shared them with us…and the loving care given by my husband, Dave (probably loving me more than the care of the irises…I’m grateful for both – the love and the irises).
Employee Trends – This Infographic on current and future employee trends was fascinating and helpful to me. I love infographics – not sure how much to believe them, but the visual representation of information is a great aid for remembering. This infographic speaks to trends in the workplace in 2016 – including what’s happening with the various generations at work now, automation, maternity leave, work space, and flexibility of hours/availability of employees. There is also a trend that employees who previously left a company (boomerang employees) are being accepted back more now – which is a positive trend for all of us.Photo Credit: TakeItPersonnelly
Alzheimer’s Caregivers – I am so thankful for caregivers who daily extend themselves to our loved ones with Alzheimer’s. My dad has Alzheimer’s and currently lives in an assisted living/memory care unit. Between family, friends/pastor, hospice workers, and unit staff, he is well-loved. Having visited him recently and spending hours among the residents, all of whom have some sort of dementia, I marvel at the tenacity of caring of those in his life. It means a lot to him, I’m sure, whether he can acknowledge it or not…and it means the world to us.
Promises of God – Promises are not to be given or taken lightly. My children never heard me say, “I promise”, because what if I couldn’t deliver? Only God is ever able to always deliver on His promises. That’s what makes them so precious. They are true and trustworthy, because He is. He is the God who comes near to His children. He, in fact, never leaves us or forsakes us. In a world full of flux and unsettling change, it is a deep comfort to know that God does not change. He is steadfast in love and character and He keeps His word…always. God’s promises are found throughout the Bible – you can find lists of them here, here, and here. What promises do you lean on in those hard days? Photo Credit: ShareFaith Photo Credit: kzlam36 Photo Credit: SearchQuotes

Hope you have a weekend full of the things that give you joy but with space to rest, reflect, and refresh as well. Would love to know some of your favorites of this week (in comments, below). Happy Friday!

Aging, All Good Gifts, Attending or Focus, Character, Contentment, Family, God, Grace, Growing up, Home, Inspired, Lessons Learned, Love, Marriage, Mom and Dad, Relationships, Remembering, Sacrifice, Seasons, Thanksgiving or Gratefulness, Uncategorized, Walk with God

60 Years Married – Mom & Dad – a Tribute & Photo Montage

March 29, 2016 admindeb 10 Comments

John & Julia – on their wedding day and their 50th anniversary

This week we celebrate Dave’s parents’ 60th wedding anniversary. 60 years! How thankful I am to have been part of their lives for a bit over 30 years thus far. Living in the embrace of their love for God, us and each other has been a journey of constancy and intentionality.

Julia and John have been another set of parents to me. My own mom raised us four children pretty much alone, finally leaving my biological father, without looking back. She later came close to God again and wondered if she’d stayed what might have happened. After a couple of visits, right after their divorce, that dad never came again…and we grew up knowing he didn’t love us.

[I’m very, very thankful for a step-dad, who I write about, who loved us as his own. So I do know the love of both a devoted mom and dad.]

With my own mom with the Lord, and my dad dealing with Alzheimer’s, I am grateful for all the years with my mom and the years still with Dad, wherever his mind will wander.

That being said, what a joy to also have Julia and John, my “in-loves” still together, hanging in there with each other and with us. Growing older is not an easy thing. All the vows we make in our weddings become all the more vital in the days when mind and body wear down. To see the kindnesses between these two, and their enduring love, patience, and regard for each other is such a witness to what marriage is meant to be…

They teach us and our children so much through how they have both celebrated and weathered life together – the weddings, the divorces of loved ones, the births, the deaths, the distances between us, and the seasons of all our lives. All the stamps in their passports to be with us overseas…so grateful for that. They have spent long days apart because of work in the early years, and long days together in a different work in the latter years. The interruptions of illnesses and accidents. The great grace they’ve known and lavished on us. Their faith in a God who never left them; never forsook them…ever.

Pictures will tell you more than my words…let them speak for me:

4 GenerationsJulia & John w/ her sister, Nancy & husband Bob – four close friends

The Mills Family, 2015

60 years…of faithfulness, and honoring, and loving through sweet times and hard times. So glad to be part of this journey with them…to be family with them.Happy 60th Anniversary, Dear Ones. You show us what love is and how it’s done across a lifetime.

Brothers, Conversations, Family, Film, Friendship, Grief and Loss, Growing up, Home, Lessons Learned, Memories, Mom and Dad, Mothers, Reconciliation/Forgiveness, Relationships, Remembering, Sisters, Transitions

Shared Memories – On Family with a Grateful Nod to the Story-telling of Downton Abbey

February 23, 2016 admindeb 5 Comments

Photo Credit: Vanity Fair

Shared memories…those places, friendships, events, emotions, experiences, and impressions known intimately by that little circle called family of origin. Notwithstanding, shared memories can also be the property of life-long friends or even a happenstance experience of strangers. Still I am enthralled by the great legacy of shared memories – some shimmering with joy and some we wish forgotten – both binding us together as family.

What a blessing are the in-law family members added to the fold! Those who listen with interest or at least value that bond – as dinner conversation is hijacked by memories of growing up together. What a gift that arena is where shared memories are rehearsed and celebrated…one. more. time.

For those reading not Downton Abbey fans, don’t miss this lesson on family life. Mary and Edith are adult sisters (missing the youngest, Sybil, whose sweetness had knit the other two together, before her untimely death). Their relationship is not close, to say the least, and their actions have, at times, been brutally hurtful toward each other.

In the next-to-last episode of the final season of Downton Abbey, Mary’s venomous words cut deep again, seemingly destroying once again Edith’s prospect for happiness. Then in a turn of the story, (spoiler alert), Mary accepts the proposal of Henry, and they prepare to wed days later.

Enter Edith…as we watch enrapt. What next between these two?

Sarene Leeds, of the Wall Street Journal, recaps this bit of the episode:

“By the time of Mary’s wedding day, Edith has cooled off enough to not only attend the nuptials, but take the high road when it comes to her relationship with her sister. She hasn’t gotten over what Mary did, but family remains paramount to her:

“In the end, you’re my sister,” Edith tells Mary. “And one day, only we will remember Sybil. Or Mama or Papa, or Matthew or Michael or Granny or Carson or any of the others who have peopled our youth. Until at last, our shared memories will mean more than our mutual dislike.””

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

“Only we will remember…” How powerful that is! Not in an exclusive, “none others welcomed” sort of way…but in a high value, meant to be treasured way.

I think of our children – spending their pre-school years in eastern Tennessee, then living the rest of their childhood in North Africa. What they missed and what they gained…in this somewhat nomadic life with all the hellos and goodbyes…is their shared experience.

We also share it with them…for which I am beyond grateful…and out of which I can be, at times, this mama who clings a bit to them…not as much to the memories as to the ones who soldiered with us through that life. We know each other in that shared memory way.

They remember all the moves, the beauty of those places, and all the wonderful friendships in each place. They understand God’s grace in that. In some ways, as expats in countries not our own, we grew up together.

They remember the sweet times with family back in the States…and the growing up together (through too occasional visits but deep belonging).

They remember their grandmother, my mom, who died too early. They remember how much she loved them (I hope); for sure they remember the woman she was.

So many shared memories include other loved ones who are no longer here (cousin Chad and their Uncle Robert)…and births, graduations, weddings, life accomplishments and disappointments…and on it goes.

My hope and prayer, like with Edith’s wonderful lines from Downton, is that, as adult life fills with relationships and experiences less-shared, we return regularly to the bonds of shared memories…including making new ones together. Edith returned to her childhood home to witness her sister Mary’s wedding…as hard as it was for her; it mattered.

You may be in the throes of change in your life that you can’t stop. A looming divorce, a frightening illness, a company down-sizing – where loss of history, situation, or relationship are all too present. Shared memories cannot be destroyed in community – they may feel altered by present circumstance, but they don’t have to be. Our memories belong to us.

My dad has Alzheimer’s. His memories are diminished now. When we visit, we remind him of stories that bring joy to his heart. We look at photo albums and remember together those faces who love him. We, his children, keep his memories for him. Such a privilege for us.

What a great legacy we have with each other – this life we shared…this life we share.

All Good Gifts, Alzheimer's Disease, Beauty of God's Creation, Birthdays, Contentment, Conversations, Dad, Family, Friends, Grace, Lessons Learned, Love, Redeeming & Restoring, Remembering, Stories, Thanksgiving or Gratefulness, Writing

Birthday Week – 2016 – Making Memories and Treasuring Them – and the Winter Storm Jonas

January 24, 2016 admindeb 4 Comments

My dad and I share a birthday week each year. His birthday comes the day before mine. After all, I tell him, he will always be older than me. That joke doesn’t register anymore for him, because he doesn’t remember now that it was funny to us…before. Before Alzheimer’s.

For most of my years, even with living either overseas or out of state, we’ve celebrated our birthdays together. This year we traveled to Georgia for his birthday but would travel back home on mine. That was one of the many differences of this birthday week.

When I captured this image (above) as he talked to one of his grandchildren on the phone, it reminded me of an older picture of him, from many years ago.Dad was often on the phone, answering calls from people who needed his handiness for one reason or another. He was always happy to serve others and he was quite good at it. I wonder, as his strength and memory have faltered in the last couple of years, if he misses those days. So many phone calls…so much purpose in his life. It’s different now, for Dad. He often doesn’t remember even who called a few minutes earlier. For us, though, his life still has purpose.

We have this season to show him love like he showed us for so many years. We are grateful for him…and for what we’ve learned from him. For the joy of just knowing him…and being in his life.

Every time I visit, we go through his picture books to help him remember. We also make new memories together. I’m not sure how many he remembers, but I believe that he remembers that we love him.Photo: Dad & his pastor, David Lyle, who visits him regularly.

Dad and I didn’t have my birthday together this year. Dave and I needed to get back home. This would be the start of a very different birthday for me. My computer crashed while we were away, so I wasn’t able to write for days. Then winter storm Jonas would wreak beautiful havoc on our city over the weekend. Family dinner with our kids was cancelled, as was the game night with friends I was looking forward to. No date night with Dave.

The pity party for one was just getting started…and then I came back to my senses.

Before the massive snowfall, on the evening we arrived back home from Georgia, we had our regular weekly gathering of our community group from church. It was all the more special this week because they surprised me by remembering the day – being with these sweet friends lifted my heart so much.

No matter how old we get, we have certain expectations about birthdays. Some may not like to be celebrated…and I’m not much for being the center of attention myself. Still, to be remembered by friends and family with gifts of words, kindnesses, time…it is really quite extraordinary…and it encourages me to want to be more like those friends and those family members.

Thank you for making this birthday, overshadowed by much travel and an enormous snow storm, one that I will treasure. It taught me the lesson all over again to take nothing for granted and all things as gifts from a loving God who lavishes good on us through all sorts of people and experiences.

Winter storm Jonas shut down the rest of this birthday week. So beautiful and at the same time paralyzing.

I was reminded of a devotional from Streams in the Desert:

“There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it.” In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by “rests,” and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives; and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the “rest”? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.

Not without design does God write the music of our lives…If we sadly say to ourselves, “There is no music in a ‘rest,’” let us not forget “there is the making of music in it.” The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson!” —Ruskin

This lament of a “forced rest” may seem strange to those of you who love to sled or play otherwise in the snow… I love the snow also. My heart struggle came with the snow. It kept me from being with others whom I wanted to be with and had all sorts of expectations in that wishing…because it was my birthday. Right? Sigh….

The snowstorm affected us all differently. For me, it was that forced rest…a time to consider God’s goodness, in the quiet reflections of a snowy winter weekend. A time to reflect and a time to repent…of expectations misspent.

I am so blessed…so blessed. Thinking of my dad, at the winding down of his life…dealing with memory lost, with strength waning…and yet he takes joy in the smallest of graces. That is a prescription for contentment for all of us.Photo Credit: Facebook.com

We share a birthday week…and my dad, and this storm Jonas, reminded me of all the good woven into every situation of life…if we quiet our minds and look for it…it can be found.

[Dave’s card to me…on this very different and blessed birthday.]

As the sun sets on the winter storm Jonas, what did you take away from these days of a different sort? I would love to hear about it…

All Good Gifts, Contentment, Fall, Family, Food & Drink, Friends, Holidays, Home, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving or Gratefulness

Thanksgiving in America – Family/Friends, Food, Football, Falling Asleep Following Football, Forever Grateful

November 26, 2015 admindeb 3 Comments

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. – Albert Schweitzer

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! If you’re in the USA, it’s a big day. Lots of food (all favorites you expect/hope to see every year) with those you love crowded around. Then football. Falling asleep from all the turkey.

Dave’s family is in Delaware and most of mine is in Georgia. We’ve had Thanksgivings with both, on sort of a rotation…but not nearly often enough, since we lived overseas for so many years. During that season of our lives, friends became family for us.

The food favorites varied somewhat depending on the family. If you knew us well, you would know which family gathering was that year, just looking at the food below. What are your “must-haves” on Thanksgiving Day?

Better even than the food is the time together with people we love. We can’t always be all together because of distance…but it is a good day spent together…I’m grateful for every memory we’ve made together. So thankful for family – with all its imperfections. God put us together, and I want to always honor that.

If one should give me a dish of sand and tell me there were particles of iron in it, I might look for them with my eyes, and search for them with my clumsy fingers, and be unable to detect them; but let me take a magnet and sweep through it, and how would it draw to itself the almost invisible particles by the mere power of attraction. The unthankful heart, like my finger in the sand, discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day, and as the magnet finds iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessing, only the iron in God’s sand is gold. Henry Ward Beecher

Football!Football!

[Sidebar about football and the mad cleanup that follows the huge Thanksgiving meal – this commercial.]

I cherish every memory these images represent and all the other memories not documented here. Thank You, God, for all Your good gifts to us. Your kindness is beyond our imagining.

“For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.” – Romans 11:36

Look for things to be thankful for: a dear old face at an open door,

The table set for the family meal, a husband’s love that is true as steel.

A cushioned chair that you fixed yourself, your favorite books on a nearby shelf,

A green-hued twilight that sort of glows, the clean, fresh smell of a brier rose.

An old windjammer that you recall beating its way through an April squall,

Its old sides crusted with salty spray, limping in at the close of day.

The lovely odor of lemon peel; a humble man with a flaming zeal

For a worthy cause that he thinks is right; the feeling of warmth on a winter night.

Look for things to be thankful for: a braided rug on your bedroom floor,

A dormer window with curtains drawn, a bluebird singing across the lawn.

So much to be thankful for these days, so much to enjoy and love and praise. – Edna Jaques, Ideals, Vol. 57, #5

Prayers for those of you who have said goodbye, for now, to loved ones this year – thinking especially of our dear friend, Tom Elliff, whose beloved Jeannie went ahead of him to the Lord this summer. May God’s tender presence be a sweet comfort to Tom this Thanksgiving…as he continues to bless his family and serve the Lord.Photo Credit: Tom Elliff’s Family

Worship Wednesday – All Good Gifts – Thanksgiving Memories

Thanksgiving Poems

Ideals Magazine – Christmas Edition 2015

5 Organic Ingredients of a Grateful Heart by Steve Graves

VCU International Student Thanksgiving Dinner 2015; Photo Credit: Donna Ange Photography

Cross-Cultural, Family, Food & Drink, Growing up, Home, Inspired, Memories, Mom

Let’s Talk Biscuits & Gravy – So Much More Than Just A White Carb Load

October 27, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: Daisysworld.net

This morning I am fasting for a doctor’s appointment and blood work later in the day. As I sip strong coffee without my lovely hazelnut creamer, biscuits and gravy keep coming to mind. They get such a bad rap these days, filled with all that white flour and fat goodness. I don’t understand why they are so bad, when the same fit and lean lovelies in my life (who refuse to eat these white carbs) seem less bothered with sugar-laden yummies…but that’s for another blog.

Growing up in the South, biscuits and gravy bring all sorts of sweet memories to mind. My beautiful mom always worked long hours outside the home through the week. Weekends were filled with catching up with housework, church, and us. Still, she would cook the loveliest breakfasts for us, and, in particular, the best biscuits and gravy. She mixed the dough by hand. In fact, she had a wooden bowl where the flour stayed between fixings. [Sidebar – I never knew what happened to that bowl. At some point she changed to a plastic one with a lid; easier to store the flour between times, for sure.],

She hollowed out a valley of self-rising flour in that flour bowl and mixed buttermilk and shortening into it. Gradually with those expert hands of hers, turning and turning, those 3 ingredients became biscuit dough. Then she hand-formed and patted those biscuits into little flattened rounds of loveliness. A few minutes in a hot oven, and magic happened.

[My little one learning to make biscuits from the master.]

While the biscuits baked, Mom made the milk gravy in a cast iron skillet. Sometimes, it was just a mash of flour and shortening (a roux, right?), with milk poured on top…slowly cooked to thickened perfection. Sometimes, sausage was gloriously added. Lots of pepper and just enough salt.

Mom’s biscuits weren’t the tall fluffy kind. They were more flat and chewy (with that sour bite of buttermilk). No matter how many she made, on a weekend with all of us around the table, there was always a grab for the last one. We ate the biscuits opened with gravy poured on. Mom liked a tomato diced on top of hers, and I took after her in that.

In all my life of cooking, my biscuits are never as good as hers. I do miss the days when, even as inferior as mine were, we sat around the weekend breakfast table with our teenagers, making our own biscuit and gravy traditions. These days, with the world so health-conscious, we don’t do this sort of breakfasting as much anymore…but the memories are, in themselves, satisfying.

Still…after my doctor’s visit, I wish I could make it to Hardee’s before they finish their breakfast service. Best biscuits and gravy option I have…since Mom’s with the Lord now…but hers were the very best.

Finally, one quick story….When we were living in Tunisia, North Africa, we had great British friends also living in our neighborhood. We enjoyed many servings of tea and cake around their table. One weekend morning, I invited them for an American breakfast of biscuits and gravy. First, “biscuits” in British terminology are cookies. Gravy is also brown and served over meat with dinner not at breakfast. So the idea of a meat gravy served over sweet cookies, for breakfast, turned out not yummy-sounding to our friends.

They were sweetly polite…but just didn’t understand that combination. Even upon tasting, the husband commented how it was an odd thing to do with scones. Live and learn.

What’s your favorite breakfast? If not at home, where? Back to fasting for me…for now.

The Move to America – British Expat Trying Biscuits & Gravy

US vs. UK – Scones or Biscuits

Best Biscuits in Nashville – We had those biscuits at Monell’s. Yum!

Paula Deen’s Recipe for Country Fried Steak with Biscuits and Gravy

Adoption, Babies & Children, Conversations, Family, fresh start, Growing up, Home, Inspired, Love, Parenting, Redeeming & Restoring, Transformational

Love Your Neighbor – Foster Parenting & Adoption – Every Child in a Safe and Loving Home

October 6, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

Photo Credit: The Forgotten Initiative

“I’m naive. I will admit it. Before I became a social worker I thought every kid had a birthday party. I thought every kid had someone cheering them on in the bleachers. I thought every kid was taken care of when he or she was sick. I thought every kid was read to at night before bedtime. I thought every kid lived in a safe environment. Now? Now I know that thousands of kids live in fear. Thousands of kids struggle with low self-esteem. Thousands of kids are abused. Thousands of kids witness domestic violence. Thousands of kids are in need of a family. Who will care for the orphans?” – a friend who works in foster care

“Who will care for the orphans?”

Did you know that in your city, at the end of any day, there are children needing placement in a safe home? Maybe just for one night, or maybe long-term. Is it possible that your home is just the place for that infant to begin to experience love or for healing to begin for that child or teenager?

There are two types of foster care – traditional and therapeutic. You can learn all you need to know about traditional foster care by going to the Department of Social Services website of your city or state. Foster parents are in high demand and these agencies make it as easy as possible for you to learn what you need to know to become that parent.

Therapeutic foster care involves finding homes and parents for children who have special needs – either medical, emotional, or behavioral issues. These are children who may have suffered violence or who have endured terrible losses. These could be pregnant teens or runaways. These are children that need love the same as any others. Therapeutic foster care involves many more support people than just the foster parents and case workers. If you sense that you could reach out to such children who need more “hands on” care, there are agencies who need parents like you.

Photo Credit: Childrensaidsociety.org

Foster children may need to be placed in a home for short-term or long-term stays, but they may also need emergency placement with very little notice to the foster parents. Their ages and situations vary widely. These kids need love, care and a safe place to call home.

Photo Credit: Ashleyannphotography.com

3 goals of foster care are:

Reunification with the parents – this can happen when the parents of the foster child comply with whatever stipulations are applied by the Department of Social Services.
Placement of child with someone in the extended family (biological relatives) – Again, this is approved by DSS, when the home/family situation is such that the child would be safely and therapeutically returned to a family member.
Adoption or Permanent Foster Care – adoption of a teen is rare. Teens in foster care actually “age out” at 18y/o or when he or she finishes high school. Younger children can be adopted when it’s clear that a return to their biological parents or family won’t be happening. [See profiles here of children and teens available for adoption right now.]

Photo Credit: BPNews.net

Is this something we could do as empty-nesters? Early in our marriage, we cared for a teenaged girl from our church for several weeks. She was estranged from her parents and both she and her parents needed time to heal. Just those few weeks, her with us, gave them all time to decompress. The problems didn’t vanish but the family was emotionally prepared to try again with each other. I will never forget that experience and realized then how valuable it is for families in crisis to know they are not alone. It was an experience that changed us, too, and created a life-long bond with us, both with the parents and their daughter.

The church has a mandate from God to care for the fatherless.

“If I have withheld anything that the poor desired,
or have caused the eyes of the widow to fail, or have eaten my morsel alone, and the fatherless has not eaten of it (for from my youth the fatherless grew up with me as with a father, and from my mother’s womb I guided the widow)…then let my shoulder blade fall from my shoulder, and let my arm be broken from its socket.” – Job 31:16-18, 22

Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow. – Isaiah 1:17

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. – James 1:27

Chris Campbell, a social worker in Tulsa, Oklahoma, is the executive director of an initiative called 111 Tulsa. He and his team are working in the community and with the churches of Tulsa (across denominations) to raise up foster parents across the city – such that every child can have a safe and loving home for as long as he or she needs it. This could be an emergency placement of a few hours, or for a short time, or for long-term (maybe even leading to adoption).

We could do this in our own city.

Where do we start? We pray. Then we call one of these agencies and ask how we can help. Even if it’s just taking the foster parenting classes, so we’ll be prepared such God lead in this way. We can also help with non-funded needs the children might have – a birthday present, baby supplies for that pregnant teen, and even prom expenses. Then we get our churches involved.

There are many ways that we can love these neighbors – these kids in crisis. The most critical need is for foster parents. We could be those parents. I would love to hear your story. Let’s do what we can for these children to have their own story of love and family.

Photo Credit: BPNews.net

Drew and Nancy McDowell – Blessed with Children – 41 Times

Adoption: a Kaleidoscope Reflecting Light – a Tennessee Family’s Journey Through Infertility and Adoption

ADOPTION: Couple Promotes Adoption in Words & Deed

The Forgotten Initiative

A Turning Point

111 Tulsa – 1 Church, 1 Family, 1 Purpose

Foster Care – Becoming a Foster Parent – Virginia Department of Social Services

Virginia Department of Social Services

First Home Care – Therapeutic Foster Care

All Good Gifts, Beauty of God's Creation, Cancer, Character, Courage, Faithfulness, Family, Friends, God, Gospel, Grace, Heaven, Inspired, Jesus, Lives Full of God, Marriage, Remembering

Jeannie Elliff – Home Now with the GOD She Loved So Well

July 21, 2015 admindeb 8 Comments

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. – 1 Peter 1:3-7

Dear Jeannie. A life well-lived. Finally Home.

We woke this morning to the news that our dear friend, Jeannie Elliff, went to be with the Lord during the night. Such a mix of emotions over that news. So thankful that God kept her from suffering and kept her with her Tom, surrounded by family, until that moment she went Home.

We are also so grateful to God to have known Jeannie. Since January of 1999 when we first heard them speak at a conference. It’s as if we’ve know Jeannie and Tom our whole lives…the impact they had on us, that she had on me.

It’s always been Tom & Jeannie. Jeannie & Tom. Strange to think of her not here now. Yet, she is still in all we learned in the life she lived.

Jeannie was (is) full of joy. Any conversation with her felt like a ticker tape parade as she checked on the one in front of her or spoke of how God was working in the lives of people she loved. She deeply and fiercely cared for all God brought her way. She was just the wife that Tom needed. What a blessing over these nearly 49 years of marriage (since August 20, 1966) she was to him!Photo Credit: bpnews.net

She delighted in Tom, and her children, and all the grandchildren.

She and Tom had great capacity for love…so much room in their hearts for others…and we knew that love. So grateful for that.

I only got to sit under her teaching once. Her love for the Lord and wonder at the goodness and faithfulness of His Word lit up her face as she taught. Even in the last days of her life, she soaked up God’s Word with Tom. It was a habit of her life – early in the Word and in prayer, every day.

Her prayers were her greatest gift to all of us. She prayed with an earnestness borne out of a deep personal faith in God. She knew Him and knew what He could do in our lives. He called her to prayer and she met Him there…for all of us.

I will miss her laughter. Her stories. Her loving playful jabs at Tom. Her wonder…at the love and mercy of God. The amazing way she never drew attention to herself, but always pointed us to God and toward each other.

Our last visit was short but wonderful. Her face, so beautiful and so full of His peace…and her readiness always to encourage another was still with her, even days before she would leave this life for the glorious Next. Jeannie…we will miss this about you so much.

She fought a good fight, she finished her course, she kept the faith.

For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing. – 2 Timothy 4:6-8

For us…there is still a race to run. For God’s glory and for those He’s placed in our lives…as Jeannie so marvelously showed the way.

Please pray with us for Tom…and the family…for all the sweet memories of Jeannie to wash over them in these days ahead…for God to be so near to them, as we know He will be.