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5 Friday Faves – Marvel vs. DC Comics, Answering Your Email, Healing After Divorce, Recognizing Domestic Violence, and a Life Well-lived

February 17, 2019 admindeb 4 Comments

Friday has come and gone this week…and as you read, you will see how it might have taken longer to wrap my mind around these. Hope you’re doing well and taking each day as the colossal gift it is.

1) Marvel vs. DC Comics – This week, classical guitarist Nathan Mills arranged and performed a mashup/medley of movie themes from the Marvel and DC Comics franchises. The melodies are beautiful and powerfully reminiscent of the superheroes they bring to mind.

Beyond the Guitar

2) Answering Your Email –My favorite organizational psychologist, Adam Grant, wrote an excellent piece on timely response to email: “No You Can’t Ignore Email. It’s Rude.”

Photo Credit: Flickr

Email can be overwhelming and time-consuming, but not answering it communicates a lack of care for the person on the other end…and could also reveal something about one’s character overall.

“When researchers compiled a huge database of the digital habits of teams at Microsoft, they found that the clearest warning sign of an ineffective manager was being slow to answer emails. Responding in a timely manner shows that you are conscientious — organized, dependable and hardworking. And that matters. In a comprehensive analysis of people in hundreds of occupations, conscientiousness was the single best personality predictor of job performance. (It turns out that people who are rude online tend to be rude offline, too.)” – Adam Grant

“Email is not household clutter and you’re not Marie Kondo. Ping!” – Adam Grant

3) Healing after Divorce – I’ve known Sarah since she was just a little girl. She was in a class I taught at church when she was 9. That little dreamy sparkling girl was always a delight. When she was still a teen, we moved away. She finished school and got married.

Two sweet children later, her Facebook page revealed the sad news of divorce. I was shocked. How could anyone walk away from this one? [Even after all these years, and too many divorces of people I love, it was still unbelievable to me.]

Sarah has always been one of these guileless, gloriously goofy girls who just lays life out there…and she did on Facebook. The goofy faded a bit…with the single mom reality of her life. Still I was glad to have news of her, even just on Facebook.

The deep hurt of betrayal and divorce no longer defines at least her public face. She is beautiful and joyful. I’m sure there is still hard but it seems outweighed by what’s good in her life now. Wonderful to see for those of us who love her.

With her permission, the following Facebook post tells a poignant and tender and hopeful part of her journey. Yay, Sarah!

With time comes reflection, with reflection comes growth. Today I am reminded of a time in my life that I honestly do not like to talk to many people about. A time I was my most broken. A time I never thought I would survive. When I was first divorced I felt so empty and hopeless. Trivial thoughts would run through my mind that would cripple me with depression. One specific thought that crippled me was, “I will never receive flowers ever again.” Looking back I laugh at such a trivial thing being so important to me at the time, but for some unknown reason this broke my heart. I remember the self-loathing and the self-hate talk I poured out onto myself as I told myself how much I was truly alone.
At this time I was allowing a single mom and kids use my bathroom, shower, and laundry when I was at work or whenever, because they had no bathroom that worked in their home.
Nightly, I would come home and fall on my face at the front door and lay there crying and mourning a lost relationship. I was so tired of the daily dance of faking being the upbeat Sarah that was o.k. (which I honestly sucked at). Many a night I remember lying there at the front door with snot, tears, and hiccups, wiping my eyes, feeling sorry for myself about flowers. One night I remember looking up and noticing a dozen roses in a gorgeous vase sitting on my kitchen table. I then began to hysterically laugh at the irony of the situation.Photo Credit: Flickr
In my most brokenness God chose to show me in a funny way that He was real and present and the only constant in my life. No one had known I had these thoughts of never receiving flowers, and I did not know the single mom I allowed to use my bathroom was a florist.
Looking back now a few years later I see how God had me in His hands all along. I would not trade these experiences in my life with anyone because stories like this one and many others are what makes me who I am. – Sarah Morgan LaDuke

4) Recognizing Domestic Violence – This has been a tough week. On Wednesday, we lost Dave’s father (after a massive stroke following years with Parkinson’s). Also on Wednesday, a woman, very dear to many in a community we still call home, died…killed at her workplace by her estranged husband.

I have known both Kelly and her husband for around 30 years. Now, most of those years, we lived overseas. Still, thanks to social media, occasional visits, and keeping up through mutual friends…we thought we knew them…as happily married with a beautiful family and adorable grandchildren being added.

The “happily married” is hard to know for any of us…but to come to the place that one spouse would kill the other…devastating all those children…those grands…a whole community of people…how does that happen?

Unseen.Photo Credit: Kelly Sterling, Facebook

My early childhood years were marked by a neglectful father, but not an abusive one. As an adult there were times that I suspected abuse in the lives of people I loved. It’s very risky to get to the heart of such a situation. You can lose a friend. You could possibly escalate the situation. You could be wrong. Or terribly, horribly right.

I have no answers here for myself or others. Just sadness over Kelly and all who love her. Sadness also for those in-laws who are living this nightmare too…for the friends and coworkers tormented by “Could we have done more?”

That question is never satisfied… The one thing we can do for sure is be a safe place for that person…After that, we can keep learning about domestic violence, keep listening to those in our lives, and lean in wherever we can…wherever we are allowed.

Kelly, you are so loved and we will do what we can to help your family heal and to learn from your life.

Domestic Violence Against Women; Recognizing Patterns, Seek Help – Mayo Clinic

Support a Friend or Family Member Experiencing Domestic Abuse

5) A Life Well-Lived – John Mills is my husband’s dad. For the last several years, he has battled with Parkinson’s. Julia, his wife of over 60 years, was his wingman and first mate. Over quite some time, she and he have lived faithfully “in sickness and in health”.

This week, as I mentioned above, John died. Not of Parkinson’s as we had feared he would…but of a massive stroke. He lived one week after the stroke. Julia brought him home and we all cared for him with her. Just for those days, after she had done the caring for much longer. It was hard seeing him so helpless after knowing him strong for all the years before Parkinson’s.

We all hope to finish strong…to live a life worthy of the years we’re given. John lived well. He didn’t require a lot. He worked hard for his family because it was what men are to do. He was a quiet man; an elegant man; a gentle man. He cared deeply about things. God. His family. His country. He had no ambition for center stage or the head of the table. His integrity, dependability, and goodness placed him in leadership, but he never strove to be a leader. He would be just as happy out in the woods with his rabbit dogs, or fishing on the Chesapeake Bay, or picking summer vegetables or flowers for Julia.

Marrying into the family, I learned something of these simple pleasures from John…as well as how to love long over a lifetime, and how to wait patiently for what comes next…To be honest, I’m still learning. He, however, has finished…well.

How can some of these be my faves for the week? Well…they are here because I wanted to mark them…those hard passings shaped this week more than anything else…and will for some time to come. They are where my head and heart are today. Hope your weekend was a sweet one…lean in whenever you can.

Bonuses [Because I missed last week’s Friday Faves because of travel, you will find bonuses also on the NFL and on abortion from previous weeks]:

Photo Credit: Gregg Swanson, Facebook

Starting Your Day on the Internet Is Damaging Your Brain – Srinivas Rao

Dr. Ross Greene, Educating Kids Who Haven Been Traumatized – Cissy White

Patrick Mahomes’ MVP Highlights the NFL Honors Awards – James Brady

Black History Month

Photo Credit: Facebook, Tymm Hoffman

Article in Harvard Law Journal concludes: The preborn child is a constitutional person

Photo Credit: Kirsten Hill Schueler, GSBC Women [Phone Lockscreen]

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5 Friday Faves – Kids in Costume, Infographic for Learners, Words, Eric Metaxas, and Walking to School

October 28, 2016 admindeb 6 Comments

It’s Friday! Another week finished… I’m looking forward to catching up with some family this weekend. How about you? Choosing favorite finds for the week was difficult – lots to choose from, but some were most note-worthy negatively rather than friendly favorites – political commentary, etc. I decided to stay more upbeat with the faves posted. So here they are.

1) Kids in Costume – Don’t you love kids in costume? When our children were preschoolers, we had a toy-chest full of dress-up clothes thanks to grandmothers who made or found fun outfits for them. Some of those costumes ended up overseas with us. [See below.}With Halloween around the corner, I’m sure we’ll see kids of all ages in their favorite character wear. It’s nice when there are more opportunities to dress-up besides just this one day of the year (like superhero day at school). We didn’t celebrate Halloween when our kids were growing up, but I do love the costumes….well, and the candy (but that’s another topic). There’s sometime transformative when kids put these kinds of duds on… Let the bravado begin!Photo Credit: Aaron and Jamie Burdorf

2) Infographic of Usual Tips for All Types of Learners – Two of my favorite things to discover are 1) infographics and 2) helps for various types of learners. Here it’s two-in-one. Design Taxi created a study guide to aid four types of learners – the visual learner, the auditory learner, the read and write learner, and the kinesthetic learner. I’m a blend of visual and read/write learner. Check out the infographic, especially you students out there – could help you change gears through your heavy reading assignments and exams. As an example, a visual learner comprehends more information off a printed page rather than a screen. Highlighting words in my notes also helps me focus on key concepts. Lots of great study hacks.

Photo Credit: Lachlan Brown, Twitter

3) Words – Gary Chapman has written several books around the theme of love languages. Here’s one. Chapman defines love languages as the ways we most clearly experience love from a spouse, a friend, a coworker. He lists five love languages – touch, words of affirmation, gifts, time, and acts of service. Words are definitely one of my love languages. I really appreciate when people affirm something they see in me that they love.

My mama was always encouraged by the gift of words. In 2002, the cancer she had already had for two years was getting worse. She died in November 2002. Some time afterward, I was one of the family responsible for packing up her personal belongings. In the drawers of her computer desk, she had hundreds of cards.

I just couldn’t throw them away. That day, too near to her dying, I just put them all in a box. Just this week I pulled them out and went through them. It was a huge and healing experience. All the words – cards chosen by friends and family in the year of her fiercest battle. All the words that they also wrote to her to express their love and to remind her how strong she was…and how big her God was. As I read through card after card, I could feel the deep love between these card writers and my mom. Some of these friends have also died since Mom died. So grateful for the legacy of these words and the love they expressed so beautifully. Thankful for them…and for you who took the time to share them with her.

That era when people sent cards…I miss it. What a blessing to have folks in my life who still write and send cards. Those words fill my heart and lighten the load.

4) Eric Metaxas – Do you know him? His writing and speaking have been excellent company for me this year. Eric Metaxas is a historian, writer, lecturer, and social commentator. His books include Bonhoeffer, 7 Men, 7 Women, and most recently If You Can Keep It: The Forgotten Promise of American Liberty. Metaxas has been a strong conservative voice in this election year. I have learned from him.Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Eventbrite

What has been especially gratifying for me this year is Metaxas’ take on what is happening in our country. I am ignorant about so many things and he has aided my understanding of some of the cultural changes we are experiencing.

[A sidebar on Metaxas is that he was once a wary and restless intellectual. Then at the age of 25, he had a dream that drew him to a personal faith in God. He describes more about his faith in the I Am Second video. Still a studied intellectual, he is focused, fearless, and empassioned…a Christ-follower and patriot.]

5) Walking to School – This week, on Facebook, I saw a video short entitled School The World: Journey. It compared two children’s very different experiences of getting to school each day. One was a young Guatemalan boy whose trek to school took him 2 1/2 hours.

I then discovered another film by French director Pascal Plisson. This documentary, On the Way to School, follows four children (in Kenya, India, Morocco, and Argentina) on their difficult paths to schools far from their homes. We take easily accessible education so for granted in the West. Tymm Hoffman, a regular guy, who works for Compassion International decided to do something about this…at least for one community, for now. He and his wife, Laura, spearheaded a great effort called Brighton Their World. One of the goals of this was to fund a school in Ethiopia. Brighton Academy is a reality today, thanks to them and those who help support this great work. By the way, Brighton is the name of one of their children – all of whom were born in Ethiopia, but he died before coming home to them in the States.

On the Way to School – Film Review

Bonus: 16 Personalities – The Myers-Briggs [Personality] Type Indicator(MBTI) is a fascinating look at our differences. It’s not really about putting us in some behavior box; it’s about seeing what our preferences are how we are energized, how we take in information, and how we make decisions. I’ve enjoyed knowing coworkers’ personalities (based on the MBTI)…it’s helped me better understand them and how to communicate to them in ways they prefer. Cuts through a lot… Anyway, here’s a free test with good commentary. In case you’re interested, I’m an ENFP – a “campaigner”. What is your personality type?

Photo Credit: Snapcraft

Have a sweet weekend…be safe. Share your favorites with us in the Comments. Thanks!

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5 Friday Faves – Nursing Care, Air Conditioning, Guitarist, #TymmRhymes, and Fresh-grown Produce

July 15, 2016 admindeb 2 Comments

Happy Friday! I haven’t been writing much in the last couple of weeks because of travel. Visiting my dad in assisted living in Georgia was a great delight, as always. Alzheimer’s takes its toll but he still finds joy and gives so much of it to us.

I would like to write about the events of the last couple of weeks, but the words aren’t coming…at least not for here, for now. So my 5 faves follow instead.

1) Nursing Care -For any one of us who has experienced medical care recently, we understand the great gift of good nurses. Dr. Venu Julapalli wrote a thank you letter online to the caregivers who recently attended his very ill mother. It’s entitled The Sacred Ordinary in Healthcare.

“… when you lifted her out of bed so she could bear her weight on yours, when you respected our wishes for privacy, …when you gave us blankets so we could stay warm in that cold ICU room, when you let my brother sneak his two young boys into the ICU because he wasn’t sure if they would ever see their Nanamma alive again… Those were sacred acts…And when you tucked her in at night and wished her well — like she was fully present and listening, even in her coma…that was sacred.”

His letter was a beautiful testament to what nurses and other care providers do for us each day. Just this week, my chest has stopped hurting from the surgery I had weeks ago. What an amazing thing – the absence of pain. It reminded me of the gentleness and perseverance of the nurses who cared for me in those first days following surgery. With Dr. Julapalli, I want to thank you for your extraordinary acts on what most be ordinary days for you. For us, they were not.Photo Credit: Eclectablog

2) Air Conditioning – All week, we’ve been experiencing hot, humid days, with temperatures soaring into the high 90’s. We didn’t have air conditioning growing up – window fans were enough in those days. In fact, I remember the first air conditioning unit my parents bought for their bedroom window. Mom worked nights so this unit allowed her to be able to sleep during the hot summer days. Shortly after we kids had window units, and then central air followed sometime after. It is a very good thing.Photo Credit: Good Housekeeping

Photo Credit: Riroxs

3) Guitarist – Nathan Mills, as you know, is my favorite classical guitarist. He teaches guitar locally and on-line, and arranges pieces for guitar from various films, TV shows, and video games. Photo Credit: Duy Nguyen, Richmond Times-News Dispatch

You can see some of his work on his YouTube channel.

Something extraordinary happened this week. I don’t understand the phenomenon of “going viral”, but it happened for a bit for Nathan when someone posted the following video on Reddit.

That video has, to date, almost a half-million views. He actually trended on YouTube. His followers on kruetv went from 400 to 1300 within hours.Photo Credit: krueTV

It was surprising and fascinating to watch that phenomenon. The wave has passed, but I’m sure we will see more of this. After all, he’s got to make a living, and it’s thrilling to think he could on classical guitar. Stay tuned.Photo Credit: Twitter

4) #TymmRhymes –Tymm Hoffman is the digital production manager for Compassion International, in Colorado Springs. I discovered him on Facebook because a friend shared some of his Dr. Seuss-like poetry. Since them, he graciously allowed this stranger to “friend” him, and, ever since, I’ve been blessed by his postings, his heart, and his rhymes. He wrote a couple of pieces recently about the volatile situation in our country right now. Here’s one:

BAD vs. GOOD
there’s lots of bad cops, bad docs and bad teachers
bad bosses, bad pastors and even bad preachers;

there’s bad firefighters and bad store clerks,
bad pro athletes who act more like jerks;

bad friends, bad sisters and several bad brothers,
there’s even bad dads and lots of bad mothers;

there’s bad politicians and bad missionaries,
and there’s bad guys named Gary and Jerry and Larry;

there’s plenty bad husbands and plenty bad wives,
And plenty bad people living plenty bad lives;

And if all of life started and stopped with that there,
Then broad strokes would work and I wouldn’t care;

But there’s also good cops, good docs and great teachers,
Good bosses, good pastors and lots of good preachers;

There’s great firefighters and awesome store clerks,
And amazing pro athletes who negate all the jerks;

Good friends, good sisters and even good brothers,
And dads who DO care and lots of good mothers;

There’s a good politician and great missionaries,
There’s good Garys and Jerrys and even good Larrys;

And I know there’s good husbands and lots of good wives,
And a bunch of good people living really good lives;

So let’s not give the bad more than we probably should,
When the truth is – for the bad – there is just as much good.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

let’s address the jacked-up-edness in this world while we holster our fat brushes and paint with some thinner ones… – Tymm Hoffman

5) Home-grown Produce
We have a backyard garden. It’s therapeutic for Dave as he works and walks in it after work each day and on weekends. The flowers are just beautiful. For this summer season, we also enjoy the produce – greens, squash, peppers, and tomatoes. Thankful for such a space and a husband who loves to work the soil.

Hope you have a safe and restful weekend. Please share any favorites of yours in the Comments below. More and more, I recognize the blessing of every single day. Peace.

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5 Friday Faves – Survivorship Plan, Words in a Marriage, Broadway Musicals, Gentleman Traditions, a Poet for the Present, Plus a Bonus

June 10, 2016 admindeb 7 Comments

Happy Friday! It’s another gorgeous day in the Commonwealth… before the wilting heat of summer presses in. Here are five of my favorite finds this week. Please share some of yours in Comments at the end. What a wonder to learn new information that empowers, or to discover a thought leader who resonates with our own sensibilities, or to be filled with the delight of joyful sights, sounds, and sweet or savory treats.

1) Survivorship Plan – In my third week post-surgery, and getting better each day. My friend, Kathy, asked me this week if I had considered a survivorship plan. That was new terminology to me. Kathy also shared with me about Kelly A. Turner’s Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds. Turner is a researcher and lecturer in integrative oncology and her focus is on cancer survivors who are out-living their prognoses. In her book, she talks about the nine key factors that she discovered in the study of hundreds of patients. Photo Credit: Radical Remission by Kelly A. Turner PhD

She continues to research in this field and her website includes story after story of survivors who live cancer-free, in remission despite the dismal statistics of their disease.

Thankfully my cancer was caught early, but recurrence is still an issue, so I am thinking through a survivorship plan for myself. If you know me well, I am not the healthiest eater and taking supplements isn’t something I’ve done well with in the past…but all that just might change. Just so you know, I’m not ever planning to be a drum-beating health crazy…just want to be wiser with this life God has restored to me.

2) Words in a Marriage – Words in any relationship are either life-giving or life-damaging. Allie Casazza writes about how our words can create a husband we can’t stand. We all have sick memories of things we’ve said to our husbands that we wish we could take back (husbands, you may have similar memories of how you’ve talked to your wives). It doesn’t have to be this way. My husband is a “words of affirmation” kind of guy. After so many years of marriage, I understand how words can either cause him to draw back from me or stay close. What a great wisdom, to learn this early in marriage.Photo Credit: To Love Honor and Vacuum

3) Broadway Musicals – This coming Sunday is the 2016 Tony Awards ceremony, saluting the great shows currently on Broadway. The musicals are my favorites. Many years ago, I had several opportunities to visit New York City. When there, Broadway plays were on the agenda. Three shows on my list in those days were A Raisin in the Sun, Your Arms Too Short to Box with God, and Chicago. My absolute favorite musical, which I didn’t see in New York but in another city, was Les Miserables. Maybe, I will make it to a Broadway or off-Broadway show again some day. The video here captures the joy of these musicals for me – belting out favorite lyrics with friends…with all the gusto of an ensemble performing on stage. Photo Credit: Zimbio

4) Gentleman Traditions
I tried to raise our boys to grow up with gentleman traditions – opening doors for others, greeting all in the room respectfully, good manners at table, giving up a seat for another. Having grown up myself as a daughter of the feminist movement (with the subsequent Equal Rights Amendment in play), I was not sure myself what traditions should be upheld and which were no longer relevant. Kris Wolfe writes a sweet piece on 21 Lost Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today. As I read these traditions, I thought some of them may actually feel very awkward in today’s culture. What do you think? When I was a young girl first observing these traditions in the dads and young men in my life, I remember how winsome they were. Which ones do you especially value? Which ones are you teaching your boys and young men?Photo Credit: Refe99

5) A Poet for the Present – This week’s news marked a media outcry regarding the sexual assault on a young woman and the very lenient judgment and sentence given the perpetrator. If you search for the phrase “20 minutes of action”, you will see article after article about the young man’s father’s defense of the actions of his son. Very poor choice of words for what this man did that night. I would like to point you to two blogs in particular, and a poem. John Pavlovitz’s blog To Brock Turner’s Father – From Another Father is one you should read. Also Ann Voskamp’s piece About Those “20 Minutes of Action”: 20 Things we Better Tell Our Sons Right Now About Being Real Men. The poem is by Tymm Hoffman who works with Compassion International, in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He and I don’t know each other, but I found him on Facebook when a friend shared another poem he wrote. Tymm is my poet for the present day culture we live in.

20 MINUTES
In twenty minutes, I can probably shower and shave,
I can run a 5k or waste 1.4% of a day;

I can almost bake a cake, grill a medium sirloin steak,
And let’s be honest – If I smoked – I could take a smoke break;

I could watch a sitcom from the beginning to the end,
And write about 4 emails – spellcheck and then hit send;

I could listen to 5 songs, if they’re short, maybe six,
Or I could share some funny memes from this season of politics;

I could cut my front yard and probably most of the back,
While streaming about half of the “Purple Rain” soundtrack;

I could wash a load of clothes and get them started drying,
I could crack some funny jokes – we’d be laughing til we’re crying;

I could give the kids a bath, help them with their math,
Then chase them round the house like a crazy psychopath;

I could snag a little siesta, ya know, a quick lil’ power nap,
Or write a battle rap while strapped with a shower cap;

There’s a whole lot of things I could do with my twenty minutes,
A whole lot of positive things with lots of happiness in it;

Or I could drink until I’m gone sir, and turn into a monster,
Steal her dignity and honor as I force myself upon her;

Take 1/3 of an hour to strip her of all her power,
Cast a permanent dark shadow over a bright and shining flower;

Let my daddy stand up for me while I take no responsibility,
Claim absolutely no liability, and blame drunken fragility;

And watch the life of a stranger get broken as a reaction,
And realize who’s really paying the price for your “20 minutes of action.” – Tymm Hoffman, with permission.

Bonus: Fruit in Season & a Yummy Recipe – Yesterday I had one of those perfect summer lunches with a friend. Fruit in season is like nothing else. Blueberries can be blue and still tart. I don’t often trust them. These blueberries, every single one, were just right in their sweetness. The strawberries, the same. So luscious. My friend’s hot baked chicken salad was so satisfying. Even with my altered appetite post-surgery, I could have eaten the whole thing as the day passed…but didn’t, of course. The recipe follows below.Photo Credit: Food.com

Happy Weekend, Loves!