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Jon Acuff on Character at Work – 9 Quotes & a Challenge – Part 4 of the Do Over Series

July 20, 2015 admindeb 5 Comments

Photo Credit: Nancy Ray Photography

Who would have thought reading a business book would become a deeply personal experience? Encouraging. Empowering. Do Over has launched itself in my life. Jon (the writer) and Jenny (the wife) Acuff have become like good friends, in a virtual book-driven way. He’s clearly a funny, risk-taking, keen observer of people in the workplace. She, on the other hand, seems to both hold his feet to the ground and spur him on to what’s next. I’m pretty certain that Jon’s “do over” has Jenny written all over it. Thank you, Jenny.

When he talks about character (in the section of the book I’m covering today), he compares it to planting fruit trees. Character takes time to grow. Its fruit is worth the work and the wait.

As in previous blogs in this series, Jon will do most of the talking.

9 quotes follow. Also an exercise and a closing challenge. I hope you read the book. It is seriously, or not so much seriously, like grappling with a friend about a deep longing for career. Then receiving the best. advice. ever. Jon’s cool, and all…but his own fight for humility and honesty and his own fears and failures give him a platform. A platform to talk into my life and into the lives of those I love the most – my husband and my adult children. Thank you, Jon.

So here’s a bit of what he says about character and its impact on us in the workplace…especially in considering a Career Jump.

“Relationships get you the first gig. Skills get you the second. Character is the reason that people will still want to give you another chance if the first opportunity fails. Character is the mortar between all the other parts [relationships, skills, hustle] of the Career Savings Account. It’s what holds the other things together. “

“Character is also what you need the most when you make a positive, voluntary career transition, or what we’re calling a “Career Jump.” You need it the most then because it will be tested the most when you ‘just go for it’ or ‘chase a dream’.”

“When you make a [career] jump, you will be tempted to cut corners, to quit when the going gets tough and lose your patience when the results you expected don’t immediately happen. It is your character that will push you forward.”

Exercise: This time we don’t use note cards, but a notebook would be handy. Jon asks the question: What’s one character trait, related to your career, that you’d like to grow stronger? That’s where we start. You might still want a friend’s help in this. None of us are perfect, so it shouldn’t be too difficult. Just pick one to start.

As part of this exercise, consider those weeds in the workplace that could choke out that character trait you’re planting and nurturing. Jon lists four especially nasty (and all too common) ones:

Narcissism – our focus is all on ourselves. Weighing every decision and process in your workplace as it relates to you.
Dishonesty – Covering a mistake, embellishing our performance, gossiping, outright lying.
Pessimism – That negative cup-half-empty (or even broken) take on how things are going at work. It’s not just a weed in your own orchard but it can seed clouds over your coworkers’ view of work. Pessimism can rob you of the ability to brainstorm and to dream (“two activities that require the optimism of creativity”).
Apathy – you’ve gotten to the place you just don’t care anymore. What was once being passive now becomes deeply defiant. Partnered with pessimism, you convince yourself that you don’t have what it takes to do a Career Jump. A dry and dogged inertia can set in, crippling your ability to orchestrate a Career Jump.

Acuff focuses on 3 character traits in particular to grow in your Career Savings Account: Generosity, Empathy, & Being Present.

“Generosity is a game-changer. During a Career Jump give generously as a way to beat back the weed of greed. Greed will end up costing you a lot more than you think. Make your definition of generosity bigger by being generous with your skills and time, not just your money.”

“Empathy = Understanding someone else’s needs and acting on them. Generosity and empathy are closely intertwined; they go hand in hand. The stronger you get in one, the stronger you’ll get in the other.”

“The simplest thing you can do to be empathetic [is to] show up.”

“If you really want to reinvent your work and get ahead, there are three things you need to deal with – your phone, your computer and your meetings. Be present.”

[You hear this a lot these days – how distracting are our phones and other electronic devices, and how our shortened attention spans have impaired us related to deep thinking and creative, out-of-the-box dreaming and decision-making. The ones who deal with these will be the outliers – the leaders in the fields of our future. It’s laid out there – now for us to take our lives back.]

“You need character the most when you decide to chase a dream. “

“The moment you decide to make any sort of change in your career, you send other areas of your life into chaos. The bigger the change, the bigger the chaos. Wherever you jump, your character jumps with you.”

Challenge: “Is living with the chaos of a decision easy? Not really, but you do get used to it. I try to create [chaos] sometimes as a way to hide from something else I’m afraid of. I’ve discovered that’s a lightning-fast way to drain a Career Savings Account. When real chaos comes…don’t fight it. If anything, lean into it. ‘Easy’ and ‘adventure’ very rarely travel together.”

These Four Character Flaws Can Kill Your Career – Jon Acuff

Jon Acuff – Character Archives

The Awesome Career Audit – Jon Acuff

Jon Acuff Quotes by Goodreads (different from ones above)

Why I Hate Jon Acuff by Rob Shep

Do Over – Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work, and Never Get Stuck – by Jon Acuff – Notes (Part 1)

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10 Quotes by Jon Acuff on Developing New Skills & Sharpening Old Ones – Part 3 of Do Over Series

July 13, 2015 admindeb 6 Comments

Photo Credit: Nathan Mills Guitar

There’s this guitarist I know. His music is a work in progress. Not his music itself, because he hones his craft daily. Still, his career in music is a study in skill development. No industry stands still. The ability to silence a room with the sound you bring out of a guitar does not a living make. Usually.

There are so many other skills called to bear in a successful career in music today. Composing, arranging, teaching, performing, collaborating, marketing, production, diversifying style or instrument. Whew!

Then there’s your day job (by necessity, or for other reasons). Wisdom is to bring the same disciplines and desire, of that skilled musician, to work every day. To be the best asset you can be for your employer or your company. Shirking entitlement and nurturing an attitude of graciousness and gratitude.

Who is this person?!

Jon Acuff talks about becoming such a person in his book Do Over. He tackles the subject of sharpening and developing skills as imperative to any career, and especially to break through a Career Ceiling.

Have you ever gotten stuck in a job? No, I’m not talking about being ungrateful or feeling entitled to a better situation. I’m talking stuck – as in getting to a place in your job where you can’t see being able to ever advance or be more creative or grow professionally?

Acuff invites us readers to take a good look at our skills to see what exactly we uniquely bring to your job. This would include skills we might have discounted or even forgotten we had.

Below are 10 bits of wisdom from Jon’s section on skills:

Relationships get you the first gig, skills get you the second.
When you hit a Career Ceiling, skills will be the hammer you use to break through.
Don’t let fear hide a skill you’ve always had or wanted to pursue. Just because you’re afraid of doing something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.
Small skills have the tendency to add up to big careers.
Master the invisible skills – Go to work; add value; own your attitude.
When you have a bad attitude it flavors every part of your performance.
If you want to get better at something, it always costs time. If you don’t have any, steal some from…Facebook or any number of things that are requesting that resource without paying you anything in return.
I’m convinced that fear beats the “You don’t have enough time” drum because it never wants you to invest in your career. This is a lie.
Your willingness to discipline one part of your life creates freedom in another.
You will need skills most when you find yourself stuck. The ceilings are designed to filter out the lazy and uncommitted. Every skill can be a hammer. Start banging. Career Ceilings were meant to be broken.

Like with looking at our relationships, he calls for us to use note cards and list (one per card) all the skills we can think of – whether currently using them or only in the past; whether work-related or not so much. Once we’ve exhausted our ideas on skills then, he says to look for patterns.* It’s so easy to settle into a rut of doing the same thing every day. Going after new skills and sharpening old ones help us to be good at our jobs and, at the same time, love our work.

Whether you are a musician, a teacher, an I.T. guy or a caregiver, you have skills and you can build on those skills. Determining to be diligent to grow your skills and grateful for the opportunities to learn will take you farther than you know. Right through that career ceiling.

“You know who we should fire, that guy who keeps learning how to do his job even better,” said no one ever. – Jon Acuff

Photo Credit: Forbes.com

*A Simple Two-Step Exercise for Figuring Out What You’re Really Good At – Jon Acuff, Business Insider Start Your Do Over Today

Start Your Do Over Today! – Jon Acuff

Jon Acuff: Why Most People Don’t Reach Their Full Potential And How You Can

Nathan Mills on Vine

Learning new skills on-site with Habitat for Humanity

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Do Over – Jon Acuff on Work Relationships – Notes (Part 2 of Do Over Series)

July 6, 2015 admindeb 4 Comments

[Disclaimer: This long but get-you-started blog still leaves out so much of the good in Jon Acuff’s Do Over section on relationships. Hope you’re able to read this excellent book.]

Have you ever had any genuine, “I care about you” career counseling? I have, thankfully, throughout my life. It has given me the courage to push through, take risks, and trust God (and myself) with the possibilities. If you haven’t had this experience or have been too shy to avail yourself of the help of others, then Jon Acuff is a total gift. Reading his book Do Over is like sitting over coffee with someone in the industry you really respect, who actually wants to help you be successful.

This Monday morning, Acuff’s take on work relationships is my focus. If you want to really get out of the funk you’re in at work, or if you’re unemployed or underemployed, start to turn that around by taking a hard look at your relationships. Both at work and those (close or casual) who have/could have influence on your career.

Gather a stack of note cards. Or cut up some paper for an exercise. This will be better for you than whatever cardio or other exercise you have planned today. Trust me.

Jon Acuff talks about building a Career Savings Account, using the investments of skills, relationships, character, and hustle. He begins with relationships. “The problem is that you don’t know who you know when it comes to career relationships.” [p. 31, Do Over]

O.K., here we go. Think of all the people you know and have known, related to career, those with whom you’re close and those with whom you may only have a casual relationship (either in the past, online, or through a book). Write one person’s name on each card. You may want to partner up with someone to help, if you’re struggling with names. The following questions will help to bring people to mind:

Who do I know that is wise about career issues?
Who have I worked with?
Who do I know that is influential?
Who do I know that owns a business?
Who do I follow online that is in my desired career space?
What casual relationships am I forgetting that might have a career impact?

“The first principle of relationships is that you don’t know who you know. Now you do though, which means you can start doing something about it and putting those note cards to good use.” [p. 38]

Remember: Relationships get you the first gig. – Jon Acuff

Now that you have names on cards, you want to sort them into the three categories of career relationships. Acuff describes those as Foes, Friends, and Advocates.

Foe – “A foe is someone who is actively working against your dream.” You may not have put a foe’s name on a card, so go back now and think of those hard relationships. This is not about those who are just annoying or generally frustrating to everyone at work; foes are people who would personally delight to see you fail.
Friend – “A friend is someone who is aware of your Career Do Over, excited for you and willing to cheer you along the way.” Most of your career relationships will fall into this category.
Advocate – “An advocate is someone who is significantly helping you shape the course of your career.” These are the ones who could have the greatest influence on your career and Do Over. Don’t hold back on naming these people. This is not the time to be shy or operate out of some false pride that “you couldn’t possibly include these people”. [p. 41]

Now that you have three name piles, here’s what you do with them:

Foes need distance. – These will probably be the fewest number in your card pile, and yet they absorb so much of our thoughts and energy. Whether it’s a “bad boss” or a coworker who wants your position, you have to find a way to keep your focus in working well, and keep your distance emotionally. Acuff advises that any time you leave a job, leave with a finger up in the air – a thumb. Don’t burn “many bridges”, Acuff says. You never know when even foes may re-enter your life. Stay on as good terms as is possible for you.

I was fresh out of graduate school, in my first job as an oncology clinical nurse specialist. Wearing the mantle of approval by the director of nursing in this 1000-bed inner city medical center. It was my dream job. Still there was a cost. I did battle almost daily with an old school head nurse. She had to have military background, because she commanded the oncology unit with withering authority. My presence and influence threatened her kingdom. One morning, she literally backed me into a linen closet, closed the door, and with hands on hips, glared down into my wide eyes, and told me exactly what she thought of me. That was a rich career learning experience. I learned to give her distance, and never let her get that close to me again. It wasn’t from fear…well, maybe a little. I figured out how to do my job, without her support. She left the job before I did…and I will never forget her.

Friends need information. – When you decide to do a career Do Over, let your friends know. Avoid sharing too much, but give them enough information that they can actually help you with support and connections. Jon Acuff counsels at length about the role of casual relationships in this endeavor:

“Many of the relationships that did the heaviest lifting were casual at first. Casual counts, especially for our Career Savings Account. If you go through a Career Bump, when you need relationships the most, have a massive collection of casual relationships to fall back on. Whether you’re chasing a new dream or trying to climb the ladder at work, casual relationships won’t know how to help us unless we ask for help. Have you asked yet?” [p. 57]

Years into the job mentioned above, I knew I had wrung all the good out of it and was looking to do something else. Asked to make fund-raising phone calls one night for my university, I got hold of an old grad school friend. We hadn’t talked in years. It was fun to catch up and to hear how very well her career life was going (teaching then at Yale University). She also asked me the same questions. After I shared my career journey and current restlessness, she remarkably (in my mind) suggested I apply for a job teaching in her program. The job just came open, and I should jump on it. I did…and got the position at Yale. If we had not left the pleasantries of a phone call for donations, I would not have had that incredible experience (or met the man I married possibly…as a happy side-note).

Advocates need access. – As you look at your note cards, think of those who could guide you given their expertise, experience, or knowledge of you, in particular. Give them access to your life. Your willingness to give them access to you strongly correlates with their ability to help you. “Great careers take great advocates. – A good advocate must have these three character traits:

They have to be brave. – There are times in life when you need more than just a cheerleader. You need someone who is brave enough to tell you the truth.
They have to be respected. – Great people surround themselves with greater people who challenge and stretch them.
They have to be trustworthy. – You must be able to trust that the advocate wants the best for your life.” [pp. 64-65]

Besides their character, advocates have something else that can prove game-changing in a career Do Over – the cheat codes.

“Cheat Codes Make the Game A Lot Easier – Advocates and mentors know all the cheat codes. If you’ll listen, they will give them to you. Want to grow the skills portion of your Career Savings Account quickly? Ask advocates for the cheat codes!” [p. 66]

If you still aren’t sure how to draw on the expertise of advocates, Acuff helps with two questions:

1. What is one piece of advice you’d give to a writer [fill in your blank] like me?

2. What did you wish you knew about work when you were my age? If the person you are talking to is younger than you, because you’re new to a certain industry, edit the question. Instead, say, “What do you wish you knew about this industry when you were just getting started?”

In my own career, over a lot of years, I’ve experienced career ceilings, career bumps, career jumps, and career opportunities. Foes, friends, and advocates have all had huge influence on these situations. Today, I’m in another season. All my life, friends have encouraged me to write (beyond letters, newsletters, idea papers, and short articles). Now, I want to really learn how. Jon Acuff is an advocate for this career jump. Whether we meet or not, he is helping me deal with the obstacles. Then there’s a near colleague who is also a strong advocate. I listen carefully to her counsel. There are many other advocate “types” in my card pile, and I will pursue some of them in the days ahead.

What are you going to do with your Do Over – related to those card piles, i.e., relationships?

“Community Shines Brightest in the Darkness of a Career Bump – You’re not meant to go it alone. Careers are best built in the context of community. Beware the temptation to isolate or hide during your Do Over. We need other people. We need friends. We need advocates. We need relationships as a critical part of our Career Savings Account.”

“The crucible of brokenness has a funny way of leading to awesome lives.” – Jon Acuff

Start Your Do Over Today – Jon Acuff

Do Over – Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work, and Never Get Stuck – by Jon Acuff – Notes (Part 1)

To Do Good Work, You’ve Got to Have Friends – Jon Acuff – Life Reimagined

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Do Over – Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work, and Never Get Stuck – by Jon Acuff – Notes (Part 1)

June 29, 2015 admindeb 5 Comments

Jon Acuff is a writer about stuff that matters to us – our jobs and careers. How we spend much of our waking life can make for a joyful, fulfilling journey. Or, on the flip side, it can be an excruciatingly dull and seemingly pointless work life with too little to show for it. What should give hope to any of us in that latter camp is that we can “do over” our work lives. Anyone can.

If you are the midst of a do over of your job or career, Jon Acuff is a guy who’s been there. In his book by the title Do Over, he gives great counsel about how to get started and how to persevere to the goal. He’s also funny, which helps a lot.

As hard as we work to excel on our jobs and to “make good” in our careers, we rarely have good mentoring in that. Jon is such a mentor. He’s fielded a few career ceilings, bumps, and jumps. With those, he’s also availed himself of career opportunities that we could experience as well…if we’re willing to do what’s necessary.

I’m reading Do Over right now, being in the midst of a career bump and jump myself. Then there are some younger people in my life, skilled and gifted, who are struggling also with next steps. If we attend to Jon’s wisdom on these pages, those next steps could get us where we hope to go.

In his book, Jon describes what he’s defined as a Career Savings Account (CSA). It consists of four resources that we bring to our career. They are relationships, skills, character and hustle.

Career Savings Acct . = Relationships + Skills + Character x Hustle*

“Relationships = Who you know. The gang you lock arms with during your career.

Skills = What you do. The tools you use to build your career.

Character = Who you are. The mortar that holds the entire CSA together.

Hustle = How you work. The fuel that pushes you to do the things other people don’t, so you can enjoy the results other people won’t.”*

We’ve all heard the expression, “It’s not what you know, but who you know.” This is partly true, but more true is investing all of who we are into our work – our skills, relationships, character, and hustle. What needs to happen in pursuing a career? A work we could love to do for life? It is in bringing to bear not just one, two, or three of these resources, but all four of them. This is the key, says Jon Acuff.

The book Do Over has several strong visuals, helpful for those of us who need to “see” concepts to understand them well. The chart below demonstrates the four resources we invest, and where they are most valuable depending on the career situation. Whether it was a voluntary jump to a different job or an involuntary firing or layoff, for example. Or whether the experience was negative or positive.

Acuff writes, “When you hit a ceiling it is your “skills” that will be the hammer that helps you break through. “Character” is the investment in the CSA that will most greatly impact your ability to have a successful Career Jump. [With career opportunities], “hustle” is the investment that will help you make the most of these unexpected moments. [With Career Bumps], “relationships” are critical because community is what will carry us through challenges like this.”

However, don’t forget, whatever your situation, maximizing all four resources could mean the difference in that opportunity coming your way…or to someone else.

Warning: Two Things Could Ruin Your Career Do Over – Fear and Complacency. Acuff describes these as tag-team partners in a wrestling match. When you have reasoned with yourself well enough that fear backs off, then complacency can set in on you. Either of these could sideline you in a situation that drains the life out of you but you don’t think you can do anything to change it. The truth is, you always can.

“Great lives are very rarely created in great comfort” (Jon Acuff). You may battle complacency every day and fear every night. Still, you can do what it takes to position yourself for the lifework of your dreams. We believed it as children, and we can recapture that zeal as adults, if we’re willing.

Jon Acuff has given me greater hope…and I’ve only finished page 23 of the book! If you know you need a change in your work life, get a copy of this book. If you financially or emotionally are not in a place where you can or are willing, take advantage of what I’m learning.

Build your career savings account as Jon has already encouraged. He also lists two things you can do immediately, to start turning things around at work.

“If you want to have a better job right this second, that’s possible. All you have to do is choose your attitude and adjust your expectations.”

Acuff makes the distinction of choosing your attitude rather than changing it. On the job today, you can choose to have a decent attitude. You can choose to not be smug or cynical. You can choose not to complain. You can choose to treat your coworkers, boss, and customers like they’re rock stars. Your attitude is up to you. All through the day, you choose how you act and react. You don’t necessarily go with your feelings or what you think they deserve. You determine to treat people in good faith. That choosing has huge dividends in your current work situation and building toward the next.

Secondly, Acuff says to adjust your expectations. “What are you expecting your job to do for you? Take three minutes and write down what your expectations are for work. And then, take another three minutes and write down the real ones because you probably just lied to yourself a little bit…write them down and then find the right home for them [either at work, at home, in a hobby, or other investment of your time/energy].”

So that’s what I’ve learned so far. In weeks ahead I’ll put up another set of notes or so. Jon goes into depth, through his book, in each of the investments (relationships, skills, character, and hustle). I’ve looked ahead and have my index cards already for his next assignment. Hope you learn along with me…and go for it!

Don’t give up. Our lives are so short. Be about what you were put on this Earth for…we need you, right where you’re supposed to be.

Jon Acuff

Photo Credit: ChurchLeaders.com

*Start Your DO OVER today! with Jon Acuff

How to Do a Do Over – Interview with Jon Acuff by Jeff Goins

Why Jon Acuff’s Do Over is for Everyone

Jon Acuff – The Waiter’s Pad – Unofficial Notes from the James Altucher Podcast

Why Everyone Needs a Do Over – Q & A with Jon Acuff

Never Too Late – My Musical Life Story by John Holt

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Monday Morning Moment – A Fresh Start – 5 Verses to Get You Out of Bed & Going

June 22, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

Monday morning. It’s one of my favorite times of the week. Crazy, maybe…but I love fresh starts and new beginnings. When I woke this morning, this quirky little song was bouncing around in my head. It’s a Beautiful Morning – that oldie by The Rascals (1968, I know, really old). That got me going, but what keeps me going on a Monday morning (o.k. along with coffee) are the promises of God.

Here are 5 verses that are a quick read to help you get out of bed and get going. Remember, He’s got this.

In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there. – Mark 1:35

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in You I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. – Psalm 143:8

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. – Lamentations 3:22-23

Sing praise to the LORD, you His godly ones, And give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. – Psalm 30:4-5

Satisfy us in the morning with Your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. – Psalm90:14

Whether you are a morning person or it’s a resounding snooze alarm and no more vacation days that drag you out of bed this morning, remember you have a God who loves you and is with you all the way.

Do Over by Jon Acuff – my current read; will tell you about it when I’m done.

How to Fall in Love with Mondays – Reignite your Love for your Work with these Five Strategies – Fast Company article by Lisa Evans, referencing Do Over by Jon Acuff

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“I’m the Boss” – Dad and Alzheimer’s – A Strange Companionship

June 15, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

After I punched in the security code (to keep residents in rather than us out), the heavy door released its lock allowing entrance to the memory care unit, First thing, I could hear Dad before even seeing him. He was sitting on the sofa, holding the toy he loves most – a dinosaur given to him by his daughter-in-law. [He thinks it’s a kangaroo, and, in fairness, it sort of looks like one]. He was staring off, repeating over and over, “I’m the boss. I’m the boss.”

The staff and other residents around this common room seemed completely unscathed by his declaration. A “stranger” entering the room broke the normalcy of the atmosphere. I’m sure they knew it made me uncomfortable to see my dad “lost” in some other consciousness. He has Alzheimer’s.

I’ve written about Dad’s life with Alzheimer’s before (here). He was admitted into an assisted living facility only four-and-a-half months ago. He continues to do very well, despite life-threatening situations (blocked carotid arteries, metastatic colon cancer, and now Alzheimer’s). He amazes me, really. It is obvious, from visit to visit, that his disease is taking its toll. Yet there’s so much of Dad there still, and we are all so grateful.

A couple of months ago, Dad could still have conversations with us. He needed prodding, but the stories would come – fascinating, detailed stories of his growing up years and ours. I have always loved his stories. And the funniest jokes. Even when they weren’t funny, he enjoyed them so much, it made them funny.

In recent weeks, conversations are becoming shorter, more of a chore. He still has great, comforting memories but the fire of remembering has to be stoked considerably. As far as short-term memory goes, he may not remember what he had for supper an hour ago, but he remembers so many other things. – that Dave loves strawberries, and that he still loves the Atlanta Braves, and exactly how to tease each of his grandchildren. When one of them visited recently and called his dinosaur a cat, he got all “offended”. Dad has fussed about it since, at each mention of grandson Jeremy’s name. He will forget eventually, but for now, it stirs an affectionate pot in his mind.

[None of us could ever beat him in arm-wrestling, and as frail as he is, he hasn’t forgotten how to wear us out and eventually draw down our arms.]

With Alzheimer’s, the world of those affected seems to get smaller and smaller. We used to have long, meandering conversations. I miss the dad of those conversations. We’ve been fortunate in that he is still much like himself, with less words. He loves to eat and loves to laugh. I treasure that laugh of his. He still loves people and having visits from his pastor, friends and family, and his hospice nurses.Especially his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Dad has gotten less interested in going out of his assisted living facility. It feels safe to him. Comfortable. Once we’re out though, he is engaged – talking to the other drivers, telling me how to drive, looking for coins on the road (like we’re going to stop and pick them up). Alzheimer’s took away his freedom to drive but it also took away his desire to drive – a strange companionship, this disease and those who contend with it.

One afternoon, we joined other residents in listening to and singing with a church choir in the great room of the facility – outside of the memory care unit. The world feels much larger there. The choir led in some old Gospel songs – “Victory in Jesus”, “Take It to the Lord in Prayer”, “I’ll Fly Away”. At first Dad seemed to really enjoy the singing, and then, he “went away”. Lost in his thoughts and memories. I left him there…somewhere apart, following a scene I could not see.

After the choir finished, we walked back to the memory care unit, and he joined others for supper. Each has his or her own incredible life. Each now with different companions than they might have chosen – both at the table with them, and inside their own thoughts.

In watching Dad through his diminishing memory, and seeing those around him struggle, I’m struck by the dignity of life that we must battle to preserve. This quieter, mind-wandering, lovely old gentleman is still our Dad.

His repetitive “I’m the boss. I’m the boss.” is not surprising. With little education afforded to him as a farmer’s son during the Great Depression, he was rarely anyone’s boss. However, he has lived his life (for all the time I’ve known him) with such a confidence and determination, with autonomy and authority. With so much dignity that not even dementia can steal, hopefully.

Now, with Alzheimer’s, he won’t be easily convinced that he’s NOT the boss.

Maybe, it’s his turn…for a season.

[Big Dogs t-shirt with message (on the back) “I Am the Boss” – Happy Father’s Day present from that same daughter-in-law with a knack for great gifts – as in the dinosaur/kangaroo/cat toy Dad loves]

Repetition and Alzheimer’s

A Different Season of Life – Dad & Alzheimer’s

Alzheimer’s, the Brain, and the Soul

Alzheimer’s Reading Room – to Educate and Empower Alzheimer’s caregivers, their families, and the entire Alzheimer’s Community

Alzheimer’s Speaks Blog – Giving Voice to Those Affected by Alzheimer’s

Memories From My Life Blog – Memory Posters

The Best Alzheimer’s Blogs of the Year (2015)

12 Behaviors that Trouble Alzheimer’s Caregivers

Alzheimer’s: 25 Signs Never to Ignore

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Monday Morning Moment – Be Kind – You Just Never Know

June 8, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

Photo Credit: Gelene Keever

“Never judge a man before you’ve walked two moons in his moccasins.” – Sharon Creech, Walk Two Moons

My heart is especially tendered right now toward some friends going through a difficult time. They come to mind often and I’m praying my heart out for them in these days.

As I did early morning errands in anticipation of a long workday, those I passed along the way put me to thinking about the proverb above. A dear friend of mine in cancer nursing quotes it often.

There are some people’s moccasins I hope, in all honesty, to never have to wear. Some have borne their lot in life well, and others with deep bitterness and relenting anger. Even the moccasins that have the appearance of being fine and fancy must bear a cost to the owner…more than the money they paid. I prefer my own old, scuffed, marred, well-traveled moccasins. Yet, today, my heart is full, thinking of those whose roads are difficult to walk right now.

Praying hard for someone does something to us more than we anticipate. It causes us to look at others with greater compassion. We never know fully what that colleague or neighbor or beggar or family member really has on them today. An act of kindness, or a word of hope (real hope), or a decision to be deferent – might make a lighter burden for that one…next to you.

“This man beside us also has a hard fight with an unfavouring world, with strong temptations, with doubts and fears, with wounds of the past which have skinned over, but which smart when they are touched. It is a fact, however surprising. And when this occurs to us we are moved to deal kindly with him, to bid him be of good cheer, to let him understand that we are also fighting a battle; we are bound not to irritate him, nor press hardly upon him nor help his lower self.” – John Watson, The Homely Virtues by John Watson – Courtesy

You usually see quotes from God’s Word in my writing, but the proverbs of native peoples give us glimpses of the wisdom of God as well. I close with this Cherokee story, and bid you a day sweetened by a fresh look at those around you. With hearts tendered, you just never know what difference you can make…

“An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life: A fight is going on inside me, he said to the boy. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed. “”*

*American Indian Proverb Quotes

Walk a Mile…a Day…32 Hours in Someone Else’s Shoes by Gelene Keever

Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech

War Room – A Film and a Strategy – Praying Our Hearts Out for Those We Love

Contentment, Faithfulness, Friendship, God, Lessons Learned, Monday Morning Moment, Relationships, Social Media, Transformational, Walk with God

Inner Circles – the Mad Pursuit of Position, Power, Prominence, and Plenty

May 11, 2015 admindeb 3 Comments

Let’s face it – we all want to belong…somewhere among the best of the best. Even when we don’t say it out loud, some sort of identity appeals to us and drives our pursuits. Jeremy Writebol wrote a piece which I read this morning and want to point your way. He introduced this pursuit of belonging by referencing C. S. Lewis’ Inner Rings. Lewis talked about what we are willing to do to be identified as one inside those rings, or inner circles. There’s the danger – what we’re willing to do.

Writebol presents 4 inner rings of belonging:

1) The Inner Ring of Acceptance

2) The Inner Ring of Authority

3) The Inner Ring of Applause

4) The Inner Ring of Abundance

None of us are immune to one or more of these inner rings or social circles. Take the time to read his piece. He defines each circle and asks clarifying questions, in a very kind way, to help the reader deal with the deceit or justification we may have developed, without realizing it.

Great Monday morning read…Go!

4 Inner Rings You May Be Pursuing by Jeremy Writebol

Photo Credits: BPNews.net – Hockey Team; Huddle; Men praying; Girls’ Bible Study; Women Worshipping

Critical Thinking, Faith-Based Organizations, Faithfulness, Give, Go, God, Gospel, Jesus, Lessons Learned, Lives Full of God, Monday Morning Moment, Pray, Social Media, Volunteering/Serving

Nepal Earthquake – Disaster Response, Faith-based Organizations, & Love in Action

April 27, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

Jesus teaching: “Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’” – Matthew 25:34-36

The news this weekend of Nepal’s devastating earthquake was heartbreaking. Thousands dead; tens of thousands losing family and friends, many injured, without shelter. Nearly a million children affected. Just hearing the news and seeing the images, in the aftermath, we are compelled to pray for the Nepali people and to give toward care of the survivors. Many will even travel internationally to add hands to the on-the-ground efforts.

In the face of tremendous need, I am thankful for the resilience of the Nepali people as they respond to the needs of their neighbors so woefully impacted by this natural disaster. It is also gratifying to see all the governments and non-governmental organizations (NGOs) cooperating together for the sake of these people reeling from their losses. They are the ones that matter right now. These survivors.

This is why I was dumbfounded by the venomous attacks on faith-based organizations that started shortly after the earthquake. Twitter and other social media were peppered with angry charges against relief agencies whose motives were questioned by these individuals. I won’t mention the hash-tagged slur not wanting to fuel this fire any further. After such a catastrophic event, any who really care for the Nepali people would want help coming from any source possible.

We were living in Morocco when a 6.4 magnitude earthquake shook the northern coast on February 24, 2004. It was my first close-up experience of such a disaster. We didn’t live close but we had friends with families in that area. There were over 600 killed, over 1000 injured, 2500+ families were displaced when their homes were destroyed, and over 10,000 more homes in the area were damaged. Although not as severe in terms of the losses Nepal has experienced thus far, for a rural area of Morocco, this was overwhelming.

We watched the rapid responses of international agencies coupled with local government and charities. The school our children attended became very involved, as families and faculty traveled to the area to help in whatever way we could (assessing damage, delivering goods, translation). We were encouraged to see how others showed their care for these Moroccans, so unknown to the world at large until hit by this earthquake. When you are trying to get tents, blankets, food and water to families left with nothing, you don’t deem one helping agency more preferable than other. The need is too great for such concerns.

When I wade through the hash-tagged outcries against faith-based organizations helping the Nepali survivors, I marvel at such insensitivity. On many levels. First, we must, all of us who believe in a God who loves humanity, respond to such agonizing human need. We must respond. Second, to imagine a government or people accepting aid from one group over another in such a crisis is incomprehensible. Wisdom is to cooperate and mobilize resources as much as possible early on, because the recovery period will be a long one. Third, to encourage rejecting aid from faith-based organizations for fear of conversions is such a disservice to those hurting – 1) it takes away their voice in accepting what help they need for their own families, and 2) it presumes they would trade their beliefs for aid. Such madness – to think this way about people.

We do support both faith-based organizations and other humanitarian aid organizations. Our preferred disaster relief agency is Baptist Global Response (because of their judicious use of funds, their cooperation with local agencies, and their faith foundation of wise compassion-driven aid and education) . BGR is not just there when disaster strikes. In fact, a BGR training for local agencies was held just weeks ago in Kathmandu, Nepal for just such a time as this. Hopefully the fruit of that training will mean a more collaborative response acutely and, in the long-term, a more stable recovery for the Nepali people.

I pray we can take the boxing gloves off and put the work gloves on – serving together to alleviate the suffering of these people whom God loves. It is a mandate from Jesus Himself for those of us who are His followers.

Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. ” – John 13:34

By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. – 1 John 3:16-18

Donate: Nepal Earthquake & Baptist Global Response

50 Amazing Facts About Nepal

Amid the Destruction of the Nepal Earthquake, Grace and Hope are Found

2004 Al Hoceima Earthquake in the Rif Mountains, Morocco

In Pictures – Morocco Quake Aftermath

Losses in the 2004 Earthquake, Al Hoceima, Morocco

Jesus Sayings About the Poor

Photo Credits: Baptist Global Response and IMB Resources

All Good Gifts, Beauty of God's Creation, God, Grace, Inspired, Monday Morning Moment, Seasons

Resting Your Eyes and Lifting Your Soul – the Glorious Banner of Love that is Spring

April 13, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

“He has brought me to his banquet hall, And his banner over me is love.” – Song of Solomon 2:4

Living in Egypt for many years gave us a deep appreciation for the change of seasons. Although it seemed in Cairo that there were only two seasons – one being hot and the other hotter – the trees knew when to bloom. We loved the deep red flame trees (above), the towering purple jacarandas (above), and the crimson-flowered poinsettia trees. The deep colors of these trees were striking on the canvas of this colossal sand-colored city, built atop the Sahara Desert.

Then in our years in Tunisia and Morocco, the seasons changed more like the four we were used to in the U.S. The rainy seasons there (October to March) ushered in spring vegetation. The flowering almond, apple, and cherry trees brought the promise of the first fruits of summer.

Now settled back in the States, we are re-discovering this amazing season of Spring. At first, early signs of winter’s earth coming out of its hard freeze are very subtle. The yellow crocuses push through the gray soil almost overnight. Then wild violets peak purple through fallen leaves. As more and more flowers bud and bloom, our eyes are drawn up from the ground to see spring wonder all around us. Then the trees awake – with the warming sun, the lengthening days, and whatever else signals the time of flowering. This is my favorite time of Spring. When the flowers open on the trees, and the leaves follow. We tune our eyes upward to the incredible glory. These magnificent trees are a grand display of exquisite beauty – a praise offering to Creator God. What a gift He gives us in these trees. They are truly like a banner of His love over us.

In our neighborhood, there are so many different kinds of flowering trees – some of which we remember fondly from other places and some which we’re just learning. Even the maple trees, for so long bare, have seed clusters adorning them as if they were flowers.

Just like with food, fragrance, and music, these flowering trees trigger memories of places, people, and graces of God. Flowering pear trees, for instance, remind me of my nephew, Chad, who died at 23 in a car accident. Our shock and devastation at losing him so suddenly was cushioned, in surprising ways, by the grace of God. One of those being the funeral procession in Georgia, during the month of March. As we slowly made our way to the cemetery, this long line of cars full of people who loved Chad, we traveled roads lined with dazzlingly white pear trees. It was as if they stood at attention, against the blue sky, like a military color guard, there to honor this darling young man.

Redbuds in bloom always remind us of Spring in East Tennessee where we lived when the children were small. The deep pink-purple flowering clusters were our signal that winter was finally over. Even though they are blooming now, here in Virginia, I am always reminded of Tennessee.

Dogwoods and crepe myrtle trees remind me of my mom’s yard. No matter where I see them, my mind goes back to our home growing up. The same goes for tulip magnolias and Dave’s mom. They bloomed so bright and full on the trees beside his parents’ white clapboard house on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. When I see them, it’s that place that comes to mind…even though they have long-since moved to another house, one without tulip magnolias.

The flowering trees are my favorite part of Spring’s majesty. There are shrubs and bushes that rival the trees in beauty. Each with their own grand entrances. First the forsythia, then the azaleas. Then as Spring moves toward Summer, the wisteria, rhododendron, hydrangeas, and others.

Again memories are attached – the year our daughter was born in March and a surprise late snowfall hung on our forsythia bushes. Brilliant white on bright yellow.

Lastly, looking back to those years, again, in Egypt, Tunisia, and Morocco….with hedges of bougainvillea, rows of hibiscus trees, and arbors wound with jasmine. Those glimpses of glory rested our eyes and lifted our souls. We were always reminded that nature gives witness to a good and gracious God who reveals Himself in so many ways. These breathtaking flowering trees of Spring are as a banner of His love unfurled over our heads. All we have to do is look up.

“I will put the cedar in the wilderness, The acacia and the myrtle and the olive tree; I will place the juniper in the desert together with the box tree and the cypress, that they may see and recognize, and consider and gain insight as well, that the hand of the LORD has done this, and the Holy One of Israel has created it. – Isaiah 41:19-20

Photo above by my friend Katrina Otto, Kansas City, Missouri

200 Tree Pictures – Best Free Tree Photos with Tree Names

YouTube Video – Amazing Tree Tunnels from Around the World

Photo Credit: Images of flowering almond tree, jacaranda tree, and apple tree; flame tree; all others are mine.