Category Archives: Friendship

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When the Baby Brother Turns 60 – What?! – Looking Back Through Pictures

November 10, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

Today is my youngest brother’s 60th birthday. Wade is youngest of four. Robert, our oldest brother, then me (the only girl), Dwane, and Wade. Through the years, we’ve weathered a lot together. I am so grateful to have had these three men as my brothers. “Have had” in the sense that our older brother, Robert, died young and suddenly at the age of 61. Now there are three of us, living in three different states. Rarely together, all three.

Today Wade turns 60. I don’t know how that could be since Dwane and I are still so young. Seriously?! Still, I want to wish our youngest sibling the happiest of birthdays…and share some pictures of him and us.We didn’t have a lot as children, but we didn’t know it. Mom was our only provider at the age of the picture above. That’s my grandma and her grands at the time. I am holding Wade, with Dwane on my right, and Robert sitting on Uncle Willis’ convertible.

Within minutes, it seems, our mom’s baby grew up and had a baby of his own.

Wade has always been very laid-back, easy-going, and a peacemaker whenever possible (being the youngest, that could be a formidable task). He bore up well in our complicated household (as Mom re-married the man who became our dad but was already the dad of five children of his own).

Wade’s baby, Jeremy, grew up and became a lot like him…in all the best ways…with a strong sense of what should be right in the world and strong opinions on how to make it so. They don’t always agree on what those things are nor how to right the wrongs, but they are alike at heart.

As happens too often, Wade’s marriage to Jeremy’s mom ended…with heartache that filled all of us who loved him/them. Sometime later, Amy came into our family with a heart full of love. She and Wade have made a sweet marriage together, in mid-life, including the birth of Wade’s second son, Jaden, who keeps them young.

Live long enough and family will continue to grow, Wade gained a beautiful daughter-in-law, Sarah…and then that first grandchild..L.C.

That youngest brother has enjoyed a great life these 60 years…even with the hard bumps in the road of divorce, setbacks with health and work, hard deaths of people we love, and separation from family. With all that, he has kept his faith and faithfully extends grace and love, with that big heart of his, to those fortunate to be around him.

I am thankful to be his big sister…have been from the day Mom placed that newborn bundle in my preschooler arms…until now. We are too many states apart to have a lunch date, but here’s to you, Wade. Happy 60th birthday, Little Brother. Thanks for being my buddy, and for all the memories (some of which we remember very differently – but maybe yours are the real ones…who knows?).

P.S. One day, I’ll write about this other brother…this Dwane, the middle brother… who is so gentle with Dad in his Alzheimer’s years that my heart breaks with joy at his tenderness. In these days, I’m getting to know Dwane at an altogether different, deeper place. One day, I’ll write about you, Brother.

70’s Road Trips – Soaking Up America in a VW Bus – Wade & Me

Worship Wednesday – Stones of Remembrance – 12 Occasions Where We Saw God Act Mightily (Part 2) – Robert

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What Makes for a Life-long Friendship? A Snapshot of Such a One

October 20, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

A friend loves at all times. – Proverbs 17:17

Kathy was in nursing school when we first met. She was on a clinical rotation to the cancer unit where I was the oncology clinical nursing specialist. Bright, hard-working, kind and wise beyond her years.

We met again some time later when she was finishing nursing school and sorting out her future. She was thinking about obstetrical nursing, loving the idea of all those babies. I saw in her the hardiness and indomitable spirit of a cancer nurse, and asked her to at least consider that course for her professional life.

She did…and I will forever be grateful.

We ended up moving overseas after just a few short years of working together. In those years, a friendship was forged that has stayed strong across time and great distance. I credit it all to her.

I’m not sure how great a friend I am, but God has blessed me with incredible friends. For almost 30 years now, Kathy has hung in there with me…without benefit of much return.

Her birthday is coming up and I just want to make note of what makes for a close and life-long friend – in her loving and mentoring me. [She will say I mentored her…but in friendship, it is she, mentoring me].

Such a friend:

Shares a passion for the possible, if you’re in the mix. Kathy and I collaborated on a patient and family support initiative of our cancer center. In those early days I had the ideas, and she worked out the details. We had a third friend, Kay, who (given her position, wisdom, and spunk) cleared the path through administration for our great dreams…but that’s a story for another day. Kathy was the “hands and feet” to my dreams, and that initiative still continues even more far-reaching under her influence.

2. Loves your “littles”. Kathy was from the beginning, and to this day, in the lives of our children. She celebrated their births (or homecoming with our adopted third) and their birthdays, their graduations, weddings, and now children of their own. Kathy is a celebrator of life and makes a “ticker-tape parade” for those she loves…and there is a great community of us…because of her.

3. Makes an honored place for you in her family. I have a room in her house. Oh, it’s not mine, and it’s possible, it’s become a game room with her own children growing up. Still, I know I have a place in the mix of her family. We’ve had coffee together on her deck, and food around a fire pit, and late-night or early morning talks wherever in the house we find ourselves. She has always invited me in to know her family, and they treat me as always welcome.

4. Sees beauty all around her and creates it as well. Despite (or maybe because of) her hard professional life, she has a great sense of all the beauty that surrounds us. She tends flowers and sets a bountiful table (with that great cook of a husband, Mike). She notices the redeemable in a situation, and she exercises unshakable hope. She has both the wonder of a child and the faith of an old one. she struggles like all of us, but her actions seem measured; tempered by something greater. She lavishes grace on her people…which I need from her and of which she’s generous toward me.

5. Grieves bravely and bravely enters your grief. Grief can be so awkward. How does one go well through losing someone you thought you could never live without? Kathy has done that, professionally for years, with patients and family for whom she became family. Then when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, this friend turned all her force of love on us. She called me and my mom, encouraging and counseling with us both through the chemotherapy, and the failure of it.

We have talked for over a decade since Mom’s Homegoing about her – Kathy, asking questions for me to talk about her, and listening over again to the memories that comfort me. Then when her own darling parents became ill and died within months of each other, I tried to be there for Kathy (from hundreds of miles away). Yet, I wasn’t the friend I wished to be. That grace to walk through those days seemed to come from God Himself – wrapping His arms around a daughter who served others well, and now He served her in her own grief.

Though I’m not the friend I hope to be…Kathy is that friend. I could have written this blog about many others who have extended great grace to fortunate ones like me. Great, great friends. Today, on this occasion, nearing another birthday, I just wanted to say thanks to this friend who teaches me how to be a better one…and if that day never happens, still is such a friend, because it is her nature to be so. Thanks, Kathy. Happy Birthday.

Do you have friends you celebrate over a lifetime? I would love to hear about them (in comments below).

Survive and Thrive Cancer Support Group Sunrise off Kathy’s deck.

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5 Friday Faves – Workplace Friendship, a Book on Opposites, All Things Pumpkin, Story-telling, and a Chamber Choir

September 25, 2015 admindeb 5 Comments

Happy Friday! We’re expecting a rainy weekend here. With Fall weather upon us, the pull to be outdoors is even more heightened. If the rain keeps you in, here are five favorites to enjoy.

Workplace Friendships – Adam Grant writes for New York Times about how friendship culture has changed in the workplace. I have life-long friendships which originated at work. Same passions, same seasons of life. Read his piece here. What is your experience?Photo Credit: NYTimes.com

2. Book of Opposites – Jennifer Kahnweiler has written a fascinating book on Introversion-Extroversion. The Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together. My husband is a introvert and I am an extrovert. We have been married over 30 years and have worked together many of those years. We have learned a lot of Kahnweiler’s wisdom on our own…and after many years of struggle. This book is very helpful and empowering for any partnership between introverts and extroverts.

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Skip Pritchard wrote a great review here.Photo Credit: SkipPritchard.com

3) All Things Pumpkin – O.K. I’m not wild about Pumpkin Spice Latte, but as soon as September comes, I’m in love again with all things pumpkin. My favorites are pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread. When we lived overseas, pumpkin was solely treated as a vegetable. It is amazing in 7-vegetable couscous. What is your favorite pumpkin recipe? Please share in comments.Photo Credit: Weather.com

Photo Credit: Pumpkins by Carol Davis

4. Story-Telling – Chase Neinken wrote a piece for NewsCred.com on what is critical to story-telling – Conflict, Authenticity, and the Audience. Read 3 Crucial Principles Of Storytelling You Can Learn From Kevin Spacey + House Of Cards, and watch Kevin Spacey talk about story-telling.

5) A Chamber Choir – Azusa Pacific University Chamber Singers were recently on tour in Italy. On Facebook, I came across a video of them singing “Give Me Jesus” by Larry Fleming at the prison where the Apostle Paul was kept. Wow!

Photo Credit: apu.edu

That video hasn’t made it to YouTube yet, but here they are singing at a concert in Italy.

Do you have a favorite group? Please share. Enjoy your weekend…and your pumpkin of choice.

Cross-Cultural, Friends, Friendship, Memories, Music, Remembering

Crossing Cultures and Making Friends with Music – Friendship Fest, Marrakesh, Morocco

August 4, 2015 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: Friendshipfest.com

I missed hearing David Crowder sing last night in a city not too far away, because a first grandchild could be arriving any day. Priorities.

Photo Credit: BPNews.net

Still, thinking about how much joy his music gives me got me reminiscing about another concert…in a far place…years ago.

We were living in Morocco at the time, and all our children were high schoolers. Somehow we heard about this crazy music event called Friendship Fest being held in Marrakesh. It was a weekend-long festival of Moroccan artists sharing the stage with international bands. Some of our favorite bands were on the roster.Photo Credit: Friendshipfest.com

It was May, 2005. Our kids were still in school, but we took off for a long weekend in Marrakesh. Carloads of friends (local and foreign)made that trip. To be a part of such an event would probably be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and we weren’t going to miss it.

The Newsboys band (in those days with Peter Furler) was my draw. For my husband and guitarist son, Nathan, it was more Phil Keaggy maybe. The thrill of just being there also compelled us all, joining an audience of friends and hundreds (later we found out it was 1000’s) of Moroccans. So amazing!

All that balmy May weekend, on this open fairground, the artists took turns on stage. A Moroccan group (hiphop, reggae, pop) and then a foreign band would perform. The audience was pumped. People coming and going but most of us staying, mesmerized.

So I’ll stop with the pictures. If only there was a way to describe the sounds, the emotion, the energy, the unity we felt together on those evenings. How the artists engaged the audience. It was completely captivating.

I’ll close this out with a YouTube video of Delirious? singing History-maker during Friendship Fest. At 3:09, you will start seeing a bit of the huge audience (85,000 people over a weekend). Our teenagers and their friends were up front, but we hung in the back of the crowd. Seeing all those Moroccan young people and kids from other parts of the world jumping together to that great song still gives me goosebumps. Joy!

Musical Event Celebrating Community and Friendship Between Americans and Moroccans to Continue

YouTube Video – Jeremy Camp Live at Friendship Fest, Marrakesh, Morocco, 2005

The First Waltz, Documentary of Friendship Fest (if you can find it)

All Good Gifts, Family, Food & Drink, Friends, Friendship, Memories, Transitions, Travel

Hello, Goodbye, Hello – This Time It’s Stella

July 31, 2015 admindeb 6 Comments

The packed, weighed-to-the-pound bags stand like soldiers in the pre-dawn morning. We have been the travelers or have sent off travelers more times than I can count. This time it’s Stella.

Hello. We met Stella, a Chinese student at Virginia Commonwealth University, three Novembers ago at the International Student Thanksgiving Dinner on the VCU campus. We were table hosts, among many other Americans sponsoring students for dinner that evening. She, her Japanese friend Junko, and another student from the Congo, Gloria, were our guests (and soon-to-be-friends).

After that, we shared many other local (American and international) customs and events. A high school football game. Food at all sorts of Richmond restaurants. Tacky Lights Tour. Christmas. Birthdays. Sleep-Overs. Graduations.

Having lived overseas ourselves, we are so thankful for the deep friendships we’ve known in those places. We hoped to be that kind of friend to these precious girls. As always, we received back much more than we gave.

Goodbye. The three years since meeting Stella flew by, as time does. She graduated this May from VCU with an accounting degree. This summer she plowed through the exams for a CPA. I am so proud of her. This beautiful, smart girl. How hard she worked. What joy we shared over her successes! She waits now for the results on the last sections…and she says her goodbyes…for now.

When you leave one life and return to another, there are massive amounts of details to manage. This last day of her stay in the US was, of course, such a day. I was the driver, and she ticked stuff off her list, including all the last’s of closing down an apartment and distributing stuff to saying goodbye’s to friends. Including one who’s having a baby in the next few days. Those goodbyes are hard for all of us – the just-not-quite-long-enough stays for all the hellos we want to say.

One of our favorite places to go (Stella, Junko, Gloria, and me) was Shyndigz – an unbelievably fun and yummy dessert restaurant in town.

Stella and I celebrated her finishing up closing down life here with a visit there. Stella’s favorite is the Nutella cake, but alas it wasn’t on the menu. We managed a close-second in the chocolate salted caramel cake (shown below – blogging on Shyndigz soon).

Shyndigz Chocolate Salted Caramel Cake – Foodspotting.com

We grabbed that piece of cake at Shyndigz 2Go, to eat later, and made one last food memory at a restaurant where she’d never been before. Cracker Barrel.

We didn’t eat the whole time we spent time together these three years, but we tried! Food sure has its place in friendship. That’s what Stella is looking forward to most in returning to China – the food. I remember, myself, the amazing food-with-friends experiences we had living in North Africa. Such sweet and satisfying memories.

Hello. This morning, riding east toward the airport with Stella and her bags, was beautiful. The sky came alive with the sun’s rising in deep pinks and oranges. It’s going to be a good day…even as Stella leaves us for now, and says Hello again to her family, friends, and life in China.We will meet again, Dear Friend. The Hellos are worth the heartache in the Goodbyes. God be with you until we meet again – either here, or there…

Postscript: “I know that You are near” – the line of song that came on when I started my car, leaving Stella and feeling sad. God is kind.

Babies & Children, Bookmarked Summer, Books, Children's Books, Cross-Cultural, Family, Friendship, Grace, Home, Love, Neighbors, Relationships, Remembering, Stories, Transitions, Words, Writing

Bookmarked Summer: Sandra Cisneros’ The House on Mango Street

May 21, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

I love words. Not cruel, lying, arrogant, or mean-spirited ones, of course. I love the kind of words that make stories come alive, where you can see and touch and smell right off the page of the book. Oh to write that way… maybe one day.

A dear friend, who reads my writing because she loves me, shared this book with me. The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. I finally read it…just a few hours long, packed with that pink-orange hue of Mexico. Mexico transplanted in Chicago. Cisneros writes so personally of growing up straddling two cultures – living in Chicago sometimes, and Mexico other times. The book is a small novel, large with details of a family living Mexican in an American city. Sandra Cisneros opens the door to the reader to step into her Mexican American childhood, tucked in a neighborhood, so like Mexico and yet still far from home.

I read some of the reviews by readers of Cisneros’ book. They are extreme in their take on this little book – ranging from those who love her writing, identifying with her stories, and those who hate that they had to read the novel (for a class, etc.), not seeing Cisneros’ writing as worthy of their time. The criticisms surprised me, and then I understood that her writing is full of strong emotion and bore fruit of that in her readers, one way or another.

I loved the way she invited the reader, one outside of this neighborhood and culture, to be a part of its story. It was impossible to tell what was fiction and what was truly her own childhood.

Below you will find some of my favorite quotes from The House on Mango Street. I hope you enjoy her words, as I did.

“My mother’s hair…is the warm smell of bread before you bake it, is the smell when she makes room for you on her side of the bed still warm with her skin, and you sleep near her, the rain outside falling and Papa snoring.”

“Those who don’t know any better come into our neighborhood scared. They think we’re dangerous. They think we will attack them with shiny knives. They are stupid people who are lost and got here by mistake. But we aren’t afraid…All brown all around, we are safe. But watch us drive into a neighborhood of another color and our knees go shakity-shake and our car windows get rolled up tight and our eyes look straight. Yeah. That is how it goes and goes.”

“Hips…one day you wake up and they are there. Ready and waiting like a new Buick with the keys in the ignition. Ready to take you where? They’re good for holding a baby when you’re cooking…you need them to dance…if you don’t get them you may turn into a man…they bloom like roses.”

“My Papa, his thick hands and thick shoes…wakes up tired in the dark,..combs his hair with water, drinks his coffee, and is gone before we wake.”

“Everything is holding its breath inside me. Everything is waiting to explode like Christmas. I want to be all new and shiny…a boy around my neck and the wind under my skirt.”

“There were sunflowers big as flowers on Mars and thick cockscombs bleeding the deep red fringe of theater curtains. There were dizzy bees and bow-tied fruit flies turning somersaults and humming in the air. Sweet sweet peach trees…big green apples hard as knees. And everywhere the sleepy smell of rotting wood, damp earth and dusty hollyhocks thick and perfumy like the blue-blond hair of the dead.”

“A house of my own…only a house quiet as snow, a space for myself to go, clean as paper before the poem.”

“I never know what I am feeling till I write about it. Writing makes me feel better when life overwhelms me.” – Sandra Cisneros*

*Sandra Cisneros’ Letter to the Sixth-Grade Students of Ms. Jill Faison, Hogan Middle School, Vallejo, California

The House on Mango Street – 25th Anniversary Edition

Photo Credit – Picture of Sandra Cisneros – by ksm36 – Wikipedia.org

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Inner Circles – the Mad Pursuit of Position, Power, Prominence, and Plenty

May 11, 2015 admindeb 3 Comments

Let’s face it – we all want to belong…somewhere among the best of the best. Even when we don’t say it out loud, some sort of identity appeals to us and drives our pursuits. Jeremy Writebol wrote a piece which I read this morning and want to point your way. He introduced this pursuit of belonging by referencing C. S. Lewis’ Inner Rings. Lewis talked about what we are willing to do to be identified as one inside those rings, or inner circles. There’s the danger – what we’re willing to do.

Writebol presents 4 inner rings of belonging:

1) The Inner Ring of Acceptance

2) The Inner Ring of Authority

3) The Inner Ring of Applause

4) The Inner Ring of Abundance

None of us are immune to one or more of these inner rings or social circles. Take the time to read his piece. He defines each circle and asks clarifying questions, in a very kind way, to help the reader deal with the deceit or justification we may have developed, without realizing it.

Great Monday morning read…Go!

4 Inner Rings You May Be Pursuing by Jeremy Writebol

Photo Credits: BPNews.net – Hockey Team; Huddle; Men praying; Girls’ Bible Study; Women Worshipping

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Food Favorites Cross Cultures – but Not Always – Hilarious Foodie Videos

March 10, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

“Culture, when it comes to food, is, of course, a fancy word for your mom.” – Michael Pollan

Food and culture are such an important part of each other. Our relationships and our memories are flavored by the food we share. It could be Thanksgiving dinner in our home in Morocco (photo above), or Thanksgiving on my Mom’s buffet in Georgia (photos below).

When you think of holidays, certain favorite foods always come to mind. At my mom-in-law’s table at Christmas, it’s brunch together.

MomMom is well-known for her strawberry salad which only sounds healthy but it’s so yummy.

Our family had the great blessing of living in North Africa for our children’s growing-up years. With the living, came the friends, food, and memories of those wonderful places. The British are well known for their afternoon tea, and rightly so. Less may be known about a Moroccan tea, but that’s the one I know best.

I have learned hospitality from some of the best women in the world, in the US, and across North Africa. The Egyptian table, although very different from that of my childhood, felt very Southern to me.

Now, that your tastebuds are all geared up and your mouth is watering, if you love food of all kinds, here is the hilarious deliciousness of cross-cultural dining.

This morning, a South African friend posted a Buzzfeed video skit portraying Americans trying South African snacks. I laughed out loud. Then, as happens with the internet, other videos followed. It was so much fun finding the videos below.

Enjoy…and I would love to hear some of your favorite cross-cultural food experiences through the comments section below. Here, in Richmond, Virginia, we don’t have a Chinatown or Arab Quarter or anything like that. However, we do have wonderful little restaurants that serve up authentic Moroccan, Armenian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Pakistani, Japanese, Thai, Indian, Cuban, Greek and Korean food. What else, fellow Richmonders?

YouTube Video – Americans Try Southern Food for the First Time

The Way Folks Were Meant to Eat – by Ray Blount, Jr , from book Long Time Leaving: Dispatches from Up South – Essay & AudioFile – Do NOT Miss This. So much fun, whether you’re from the South or not.

YouTube Video – Irish People Try Irish Stereotypical Food

YouTube Video – Chinese People Try Panda Express for the First Time

YouTube Video – Americans Try Persian Food with Their Driver

The Most Famous and Greatest Food Quotes of All Time – not sure this is necessarily so, but fun list nonetheless. My own children have made pretty hilarious comments on food over the years. Put people around a table, and you get a lot of good from it.

Oualidia, Morocco – Restaurant L’OstreaOur first sea urchins – let the adventures roll on!

All Good Gifts, Food & Drink, Friendship, God, Holidays, Inspired, Love, Relationships, Words

Valentine’s Day-Owning It

February 13, 2015 admindeb 1 Comment

Valentine’s Day, as a holiday, is ripe with all sorts of possibilities…and potential frustrations. It’s a day that picks at our contentment and whispers in our ears, “is this enough? this love I have? these loves I have?” I say we take this holiday, turn it on its head, and totally own it.

What do you love about Valentine’s Day? Most probably, you are women reading this blog, because men seriously don’t want any more information on how to celebrate this day. We women have this totally lovely day thrust upon us once a year to do with it how we want. ..so let’s get after it.

Here’s what I love about this day:

1) I can be as effusive and gushy as I want on this one day of the year. It’s allowed…tolerated…appreciated even. Cards, phone calls, and social media shouting out to those we love…there’s a lot of relational muscle pumped on this day…wouldn’t hurt to keep this going through the rest of the year. Words. Are. Powerful.

2) It’s a golden opportunity to hang with our best buddies. Not just husbands or boyfriends, but moms, grandmoms, the widow neighbor down the street. Those glorious women in our lives… Valentine’s Day is a fine excuse to have lunch together, cake together, movie night together. Whatever. How thankful I am for the great women in my life…from lots of places in the world.

3) This day lends itself to a total indulgence (guilt deferred) of sugary delights. My favorites are Hershey’s kisses, strawberries dipped in chocolate, conversation hearts, and heart-shaped Peeps. I know, right? Valentine’s Day blesses all excesses. [This particular love has sort of flattened for me because I haven’t eaten chocolate in over a year…that’s another story.] Whether I eat those foil-wrapped happy little candies or not, they still generate lovely thoughts for me on this day.

4) I love how cheery people are toward each other related to Valentine’s Day (kind of back to the gushy/effusive side of this day). Whether it’s decorating a colleague’s cubicle wall or lavishing gifts on your child’s teacher…it can make for a sweet day. Whether there’s a dear man in our lives or not, we can use this day to bless others…just for the fun of it (for them AND for us).Photo Credit: Cublical Decorating – Heather Teater

5) Last thing I love about Valentine’s Day is its celebration of love itself. The history of Valentine’s Day is far from the romance and roses we expect today. Yet, if there is something worthy of setting aside a day, it is love – real, deep, sacrificial and satisfying love. Maybe it’s a stretch to consider that sort of love on a day that’s been riddled with commercialism, but that’s where I would like to end. Today, more than anything I celebrate the God of love who teaches us best how to love. First loving Him and then, because of Him, loving each other as we love ourselves.

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 22:37-39

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Happy Valentine’s Day, Friends.

All Good Gifts, Faithfulness, Family, Friendship, God, Holidays, Inspired, Lessons Learned, Lives Full of God, Monday Morning Moment, Seasons

A Young Friend of Mine Turned 40 Today – and Because She Asked: 5 Bits of Advice

January 19, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

I have never seen anyone else take on the turn of a decade like my friend, Beth. Surrounded by friends and family, she danced and laughed and ate ice cream and danced some more. That was this weekend, then she jumped on a plane to spend her actual birthday, today, in New York City. Read more about that here.

About six months ago, I received a letter from her. She wrote 40 women, older than her, about her fortieth birthday coming up and asked their counsel on these middle years of life. I am sure she heard back from all of them (us) because that was a small thing to do for someone as lovely as Beth.

I thought for weeks and weeks about what to write…What did I learn after 40? What could I tell her that might make a difference in an already amazing life? What could I say that she didn’t already know. Well, I gave it a shot…and finally sent that letter to her just before her birthday weekend.

Following are ___ of the bits of advice I gave to beautiful Beth.

1) “Love the LORD with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength”. This is key to everything. It was essentially the message of Jesus to Martha (Luke 10:38-42) which seems harsh except that we recognize how much He loved Martha. In ministry, we default to “love your neighbor as yourself”. We serve and serve and serve (like Martha did). Then there comes a time, if we’re not careful that we serve on empty. We keep those commands in right order because that’s what He intended for our sakes, and His glory. My nature is to be Mary, but the needs all around drives me to be a Martha. Folks around us don’t need a Martha; they need GOD.

2) Be a woman of prayer. Prayer is not a project or part of a program. It is meant to be our covering for every moment and circumstance of life. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thess. 5:16-18. Whatever our situation, we need prayer and perspective that comes with prayer. Brother Lawrence’s “Practicing the Presence of God” was a great help to me in those earlier years.

3) Don’t wait for “life” to happen. Some unmet longings are beyond our control – that “right guy”, the healing of a friend, reconciliation that didn’t happen yet, that opportunity that went to another. However, I think we struggle with hammering through this season, longing for the next. I find it a discipline requiring my attention daily to LIVE the life I want…and to which God has called me.

4) Have men in your life – fathers, brothers, whomever. There were both single and married women in the company of Christ & the apostles. It helps us with perspective. In the Christian community, we too often separate out by gender. I understand how that happens, but we should figure out how to be in company with each other in wholesome and holy ways. It makes a difference…for us…and for them.

5) Keep Writing. We can’t all be in your life every day, but when you write, we are there. Thank you for your transparency and generosity, your gentleness and humor, and your deep love. Keep writing.

Any who read this blog of mine know I offered more than 5 bits of advice, but this is all I will repeat today.

Happy Birthday, Beth. You are a prize!

By the way, if you have any counsel for all of us as we course through this life, feel free to share in the comments section below. You, too, Beth.

I will leave you with what Beth shared on this morning of her 40th.:

“When you enter in to the places you thought you would never recover from, you will find something solid. The lie is that there won’t be anything solid for you to stand on. Your fear will tell you to avoid, but when you “go there” you will find yourself more anchored and trusting. You will learn about God and his heart for you and here’s the kicker, your heart for Him. If you follow Jesus, he gave you a new heart. This is the unshakeable foundation of your life – that no matter what does or doesn’t happen, He is trustworthy and has bigger dreams than you could ever dream for yourself, even in the midst of longing, loss, gains, and waiting. Especially in the waiting.”

Photo Credits – Beth Wayland

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