Category Archives: Remembering

Saturday Short – Remembering Our Chad and the Legacy of Chadwick Boseman

Photo Credit: L) Chadwick Boseman – Gage Skidmore, Flickr, R) Chad Stephens (pic taken by Deb Mills)

[This piece is adapted from the Archives on the 30th anniversary of my nephew Chad Stephens’ death. He was 23 when he died instantly in a car accident. After so many years, I’m not sure who all have the sweet memories of Chad that his family has. As to legacy…only God knows. I was reminded today in remembering Chad of another’s legacy – the actor/influencer Chadwick Boseman. His legacy is large and public. For both of them, Chad and Chadwick, dying sooner and harder than any of us imagined would have happened…who knows the extent of their legacy – either Chad, a young man with most of his promise still ahead of him, or the profoundly gifted Chadwick Boseman, dying in his 40s. Below you’ll find excerpts from a blog I wrote when Chadwick died, as I also remember Chad today.]

Shock waves covered our country and the world at the news of actor and Black Panther superhero ‘s death. He was/is a bigger-than-life figure in our culture. As we all know now, he had late-stage colon cancer since 2016 (four years prior to his death). That the public didn’t know he was ill isn’t a surprise, given Boseman’s private nature and also the incredible production of 10 of his films from 2016 until now (one of them Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom released after his death). Fighting his battle with cancer at the same time, what grace, focus, and courage he displayed through all the making of those films!

Chadwick Boseman, ‘Black Panther’ Star, Dies at 43

Boseman died on Jackie Robinson Day – August 28, 2020 – at the age of 43.

‘Black Panther’ Director Ryan Coogler Pens Emotional, Beautiful Tribute to Chadwick Boseman – Ryan Parker, Borys Kit

Boseman was very committed to raising the opportunity and quality of life for fellow black people. He used his work to reflect the dignity of humankind. He showed his own respect for others not only in the Marvel blockbuster Black Panther but in all his films. Several of which were biopics – two of my favorites being Marshall (on the life of Justice Thurgood Marshall) and “42” (on the life of baseball player Jackie Robinson). Both movies are timeless in their handling of justice for blacks in America.

Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

After seeing the incredible film Black Panther some time ago, I was reminded of the relatively small part Boseman also played in Draft Day. Two very different films, but both where he played one who took his platform to champion others. This seemed to be true of Boseman’s public and private life.

Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

After a weekend of trying to get hold of the life and character of this man from Anderson, South Carolina…this man who became a Christ follower as a boy and served in his church’s choir and youth group…I couldn’t get to sleep.

Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

What Boseman accomplished in his relatively short life as a public figure will last as long as we watch the movies…and longer still.

What can a regular non-celebrity do in our world gone mad? What really can this older white woman in the suburbs of a small city? What can you do?

Last night, in the dark trying not to wake my husband, I grabbed my phone and wrote the following list. It came quickly. Hopefully it is understandable.

  • Listen hard with ears, mind and heart open.
  • Seek to understand.
  • Ask the question: “What are we hearing?”
  • Ask the question: “What are we not hearing?”
  • Ask the next layer of question without judging: “What sounds true? What sounds like deception motivated by something else? How can we know?
  • What is the source of what we are hearing? [Sidebar: Where we get our news is often where we get our attitudes. If we take in news at all, we need a mix of views or we won’t critically be able to sift for what is true…or hopefully true.]
  • Then…
  • Speak up on behalf of one another.
  • Stand up against evil and for the truth.
  • Act up? NO. Act in love.
  • Mobilize our resources, relationships, and influence to actually make a true, lasting difference for those most vulnerable in our country.
  • Who has the courage to say “Enough” to what is hurting more than healing, to what is destroying more than building up, to what is not really for change for those who most need the change?

Boseman once said: “The only difference between a hero and the villain is that the villain chooses to use that power in a way that is selfish and hurts other people.”

Boseman’s life reflected his faith in Jesus.

Therapist Kalee Vandergrift-Blackwell wrote a beautiful piece (below) on “a brown, immigrant, refugee, colonized Jesus”.

Did You Know Jesus Is Brown? – Kalee Vandergrift

Jesus died at the hands of the political and religious leaders of the day, but…He did not die a victim. He gave his life in all its beauty, courage, and truth – for our sakes…and He gave his life, even for the political and religious leaders of the day.

When He called out the wrong motives of religious leaders and turned over the tables of opportunists, everything He did, He did in love. He calls us, His followers, to do the same.

Jesus calls us to love our neighbors…and even to love our enemies. We aren’t allowed to just take sides…we are to full-bore, wide open love people – to recognize, respect, and validate in all we do the worth, dignity, and God-breathed humanity of all.

This is our legacy…this is what I want to have the courage and the depth of love to leave when my life is over.

Not complacency. Not comfort. Not smugness. Not arrogance. Not blaming another party or one president over another (if there’s blame it extends much farther…). Not violence. Not isolation.

So…that is the burn I got this weekend after taking in and grieving over the loss of Chadwick Boseman.

One last quote from Boseman that is especially poignant and inspiring right now is this: “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything You gave me.”

Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore, Flickr

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In remembering Chad, also, I’m reminded of his legacy…not as publicized as a great actor who died too early…but of a young man who had also given his life to Christ. A young man with great heart and strong convictions. A young man who thought of others. A young man who lavished love and joy on all of us, just entering the room and then staying in the room. A young man who could flip the tension of a family dispute…just being present, by showing up over and over, even in the uncomfortable and imperfect.

Whatever our influence or audience – the world as with Chadwick Boseman, or a much smaller sphere as our Chad – we all leave a legacy. We learn from those who’ve gone before us. Because of what Jesus did for us, and knowing that both Chad and Chadwick received Jesus for themselves, we will see them again.

That makes today a little less hard and a whole lot more hopeful.

Chadwick Boseman – AZ Quotes

10 Inspiring Quotes From Chadwick Boseman That Could Change Your Life – A. R. Shaw

YouTube Video – Chadwick Boseman Tribute – Marvel

Monday Morning Moment – Mom – a Lifetime Full of Love Notes – Her Birthday Just Ahead of Valentine’s Day

Mildred Jane Byrd Stephens McAdams – Feb. 2 1927-Nov. 2 2002

[Today is Mom’s birthday – 22 of them now in Heaven. This blog adapted from the Archives. ]

Our little family has never lived close to the grandparents. This was not easy…for any of us. Before I married, I lived close to home, and Mom was my best friend. She died 22 years ago, and I still miss her every day. To people who knew her well, I would often say  “when I grow up, I want to be just like her.” Still working on that.

Mom and I shared a weakness for words…they are probably excessively important to us, delivering both positive and (sometimes) negative weight. She was a consummate encourager. She rarely missed an opportunity to lift another’s spirit or to speak loving truth to someone desperate for God’s touch.

Mom pictures for website 012

When I moved away to take a teaching job, she and my dad helped me with the move. New Haven, Connecticut would be a 2-day drive from Georgia. At that time, it was the farthest I had ever lived from home. She stayed a week to help me settle in.  While there, she was such great company. We explored the city together and laughed over a new culture and cried at the missing that was ahead for us.

She filled my freezer with her baking, and, while I was at work, she wrote notes. Then she hid them everywhere. After she flew home, I began finding them. In my coffee mug. Under my pillow. In the pocket of my coat. Among my reference books. Behind my music books on the piano. She was with me in the love notes she left, and it made the distance between us…less.

My mom and I also had a weakness for bits of paper. I have kept every one of her notes. These from that move over 30 years ago are fading…red ink on pink paper. There is a lifetime of notes between Mom and me. The tradition she started on that first move has become a life-long tradition for our family. Our visits back and forth, across the US and then the globe, have been papered by little notes like these.

Our children, from the time they could write, entered into this tradition much to the joy of their grandparents. Before we would leave from visits with them, these three young ones would write of their affection for their grandparents and hide them all over their houses. I delighted in their cooperation in this conspiracy of love.

Mom always wrote notes…not just to us but to so many. She and her Sunday School Class ladies would send cards every week to the sick ones or the sad ones. She had a special burden for the elderly, for widows (including functional widows, deserted by husbands) and for fatherless children (again including those “orphaned” by still-living fathers). She inspired me by her humble ambition .

Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. – James 1:27

I am so thankful for my mom’s bits of paper…for her love…and for her perseverance in encouraging and serving others. Her generation is sadly almost gone, and it is for us to pick up these traditions, or traditions like them. Passing them on somehow to the next generations…Maybe there won’t be bits of paper or love notes like in the past. I do hope we still take the time to write. Definitely, the call to serve and to encourage is as current as ever. My life continues to be rich with those, young and old, who reach out with words of kindness and encouragement. Written or spoken, they are love notes to the heart.

[Thankfully, our grown-up children continue to show love to their parents with words – both written and spoken.]

Thanks, Mom. After twenty-two years, many may have forgotten you for now. Many more won’t know of you this side of Heaven. Your life may have seemed small, but it was larger than life to me.

Thank you. Thank God for you.

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.1 Thessalonians 5:11

The 59 “One Anothers” of the New Testament

Sunday Grace – A Valentine’s Day Reflection of the Deep, Deep Love of God – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Hall-of-Famers and What Makes Them So

[One of the W-3 Huddles – staff retreat for Holston Valley Hospital’s W-3 cancer nurses]

What is it that distinguishes an individual or group and sets them apart from all the rest?

I’ve had the privilege of working with such folks from time to time through my life. In the late 80s-early 90s, it was a group of nurses in Kingsport, Tennessee. We had moved there as young marrieds after Dave finished his Ph.D. for him to start work as a research chemist at Tennessee Eastman Chemical Company. I left my job as professor in the nursing program at Yale University to find my way into a tight medical community. People were kind, but it would take awhile for me to prove that I had something to offer.

The nurses on 3rd Floor Wilcox Hall of Holston Valley Hospital, in those days, were a rare collection of capable and caring women. We all know the adage about working smarter, not harder. They worked both smart and hard. I was honored just to help in whatever way I could as they shouldered heavy patient loads with stressed families to care for as well.

They were funny, scrappy, no-nonsense, determined, and loving. It’s been almost 30 years since our days together, but I will never forget them (and others of whom I don’t have pictures).

L to R: Nurses – Nan Ritchie, Kay Mitchell, Debbie Seymore Shields, Chris Blue

Just this weekend, I was on a long, refreshing phone conversation with Kay Mitchell. She, Kathy Visneski, and I worked closely together during those W-3 days. Kay was nurse manager, Kathy a nurse educator, and I was clinical nurse specialist. We dreamed, planned, and executed programming, support, and training for some of the best nurses we would ever know.

Kathy and I led a support group for cancer survivors and their families. Part of its success was the trust these folks had in the care they received during the times when the cancer was new and raw, and for some, when it would finally take them. The W-3 nurses would be wholly there for them in every season.

[in conversation during Take Time…to Help to Heal cancer support group]
[an activity from the Take Time…to Help to Heal support group]

Love Your Neighbor – Cancer Support – How It’s Done Well – Deb Mills

In our phone call, Kay told me a story. A few months back she had a knee replacement surgery. Years of nursing, like with many professions, are hard on our knees. As she was “ambulated” – being walked in the hall shortly after surgery, she was in the company of nursing friends who’d come to see her. Friends from the era we shared. Like Kay, they had gotten older (it is odd how we get older but still, with each other, feel the full vigor of life shared in the workplace). It must have been a sight, this nurse “patient” and her friends filling the hall, walking slowly together, in conversation and encouragement. A physical therapist observing them captured the scene with the word, “Hall-of-Famers”. These women who were known and, as it should be, revered.

Kathy Visneski & Dr. Chip Helms, Radiation Oncologist
L to R: Nurses Chris Blue, Ruth Couch, Kathy Visneski, Volunteer Sherry Weaver
Amy Thacker, Chemo Nurse
Sherri Rogers, Nurse Manager

So how do people become “hall-of-famers”? What made these women…and other men and women like them…notable? Remembered with tremendous fondness and honor.

Here’s what I think. It was their servant leadership. Whether staff nurses or nurse managers, they led with excellence and a serving heart.

The phrase “servant leadership” is not new, but it is more than just a prescriptive or descriptive style of leading. Such a leader, as described by Collins and Collins, is “‘compelled by an unshakeable desire to serve’. Leaders who lack that core belief are not servant leaders but rather using servant leadership practices among the many in their toolkits. Notice we are not describing a servant but a servant leader. Servants generally don’t have a choice, but a servant leader, through humility, chooses to put others first…Leaders who do this well focus on where they can bring the most value to others…When we see someone step up in a difficult situation despite the probability of failure and commit themselves wholly because it is the right thing to do, we are more likely to join with them for the long journey. The unconditional nature of serving may be the most defining quality”..of these women.

“I saw this picture today that captured so well the amazing nurse Chris Blue. I was so blessed to have had the best role models as nurses! Chris Blue, Nan Ritchie, Joan Bishop, Jane Faries, Evelyn Parker, Kathy Visneski, Deb Mills, Amy Thacker, Ruth Couch, and Cynthia Wright to name a few. This picture captures the care we provided on good ole W3! Beyond blessed. So glad my roots are strong that started with this group. Brought back some amazing memories!”Teresa Bailey, 2020
Teresa Bailey

Hall-of-famers. Steadfast. Hard-working. Resilient. Intelligent. Caring. Full of life and love.

Who are the hall-of-famers in your life? Maybe you share your workload with some of these wonders. Please comment, if you’d like, about your experience with hall-of-famers. Maybe you are one…or on your way to becoming one. Thank you.

[A note I sent to our nurses and other cancer nurses in the region in 1994, the year we left East Tennessee]
Kathy, me, and Kay…some years later.

Worship Wednesday – Seasons – Benjamin William Hastings

[Some of our raised beds, winterized, resting and waiting their replanting]

“As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.”Genesis 8:22

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

[I’ve written about seasons many times. If you have time…catch them again here.]

It’s winter here. Although our garden is quiet now, the promise of Spring is still visible.

[Japanese Maple seeds]
[Daffodils coming up]

[My beloved irises pushing through. Mom’s favorite flowers, thus they are mine as well.]

Most all my life, I’ve had the pleasure of living in four-seasons places. Except for Egypt when all the seasons we knew were hot and then a little less hot. Still the beauty surrounded us there…different yet still a witness to our Creator God.

Seasons aren’t just studies in the growth cycles of plants, trees, and produce. They also mark periods in our lives. Some more fruitful than others. Some more filled with wonder and joy. Others remembered with some measure of regret and disappointment.

God is not surprised or taken aback by any of our seasons. He was there for all of it, and He loved us through every season.

A few weeks back, I heard the northern Irish singer/songwriter Benjamin William Hastings for the first time. He was one of the songwriters on “So Will I”. His song “Seasons” is a beautiful description of what it is like to be patient in our seasons, both with ourselves and with our God.

“You’re the God of seasons, I’m just in the winter
If all I know of harvest is that it’s worth my patience
Then if You’re not done workin’, God, I’m not done waiting.”

Whatever your present season, keep tilling the soil of your life (and that of your children), keep counting on God’s promises, keep trusting Him for the harvest. “Like a seed, believe that my (your) season will come.”

Worship with me.

Like the frost on a rose
Winter comes for us all
Oh, how nature acquaints us
With the nature of patience
So like a seed in the snow
I’ve been buried to grow
For Your promise is loyal
From seed to sequoia
I know

[Chorus]
Though the winter is long, even richer
Is the harvest it brings
And though my waiting prolongs, even greater
Is Your promise for me, like a seed
I believe that my season will come

So like the low winter sun
So it is with Your love
As I gaze, I am blinded
In the light of Your brightnеss
So like a fire to the snow
I’m rеnewed in Your warmth
Oh, melt the ice of this wild soul
Till the barren is beautiful

And I know

[Chorus]
Though the winter is long, even richer
Is the harvest it brings
And though my waiting prolongs, even greater
Is Your promise for me, like a seed
I believe that my season will come

[Bridge]
I can see the promise, I can see the future
You’re the God of seasons, I’m just in the winter
If all I know of harvest is that it’s worth my patience
Then if You’re not done workin’, God, I’m not done waiting

Well, You can see my promise even in the winter
‘Cause You’re the God of greatness, even in a manger
For all I know of seasons is that You take Your time
You could have saved us in a second, instead, You sent a child

[Chorus]
Though the winter is long, even richer
Is the harvest it brings
And though my waiting prolongs, even greater
Is Your promise for me, like a seed
I believe that my season will come
For one day, I’ll see my tree
‘Cause I believe there’s a season to come

[Outro]
Like a seed You were sown
For the sake of us all
And from Bethlehem’s soil
Grew Calvary’s sequoia, ooh-ooh-ooh
*

[Our tall maple tree and the waning winter moon]

*Lyrics to Seasons – Songwriters: Benjamin William Hastings, Ben Tan, & Chris Davenport

Worship Wednesday – Abandoned (in the Best Possible Way) – Benjamin William Hastings – Deb Mills

YouTube Video – Brandon Lake – MORE (Music Video) ft. Benjamin William Hastings, Leeland

Your Work Matters to God: Staying On Course Through Life’s Seasons – Deb Mills

Worship Wednesday – A Lament on War – Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

Photo Credit: Public Domain Pictures

Many say of me, “God will not deliver him.” Selah But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts up my head.Psalm 3:2-3

Blessed be the LORD, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart rejoices, and I give thanks to Him with my song.Psalm 28:6-7

Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.1 Peter 5:7-9

Last night, in the car leaving his taekwondo lesson, our 7 y/o grandson wanted to talk about the most recent conflict between Israel and Palestine. I was shocked that he knew about it given such an adult situation. Maybe he heard his parents talk. Maybe they were praying as a family for the conflict…now war.

He had amazingly mature thoughts and questions about it. You can imagine that it led to a discussion that went all the way back to Adam and Eve and all the way forward to Heaven and Hell. He wondered if America would ever have war and what that would look like. We talked about both the sadness of the situation for Israel and Palestine, and we talked about what our response as Christ-followers must be.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. During the Vietnam War era. I also grew up with a mom who taught us not to hate. It was never acceptable. If we loved Jesus then we did not have the privilege or luxury or burden (however you see it) of hating another individual or group of people. It went against everything we understood of Jesus, including His very own teaching to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:44).

During the Vietnam war, the culture was mixed (as it is today) with opinions on what was right and what was wrong. In high school, I wrote letters of encouragement to soldiers (brothers, friends, and sometimes strangers who became penpals). Writing to boys only a few years older than me…gone to war.

In college, I, like so many others, participated in protests of a too-long and too-costly war. Protests and prayer vigils.

The music and film of that day reflected our struggle. Some of the songs that have stayed with me for all these years have been “Teach Your Children Well”, “Children Will Listen”, and “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught”. Do you know them?

You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

YouTube Video – Mandy Patinkin Sings You’ve Got to be Carefully taught; Children Will Listen Medley

In these days, we cry out to God for the sake of Israel and Palestine…and the rest of the world, not knowing what will happen in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.

It feels very weighty.

A lament to God…many laments…are appropriate.

Photo Credit: YouTube

In the book study When You Pray, author/speaker Jennifer Rothschild gives 5 elements of lament:

  1. Address God. (Focus your prayer on the One who hears and answers.)
  2. Pour out your heart. (Bring Him your complaints and concerns.)
  3. Request help. (Ask God for what you need.)
  4. Express trust. (Affirm your faith in His character and His Word.)
  5. Praise Him. (Worship Him because He is worthy.)

“Confessing trust in God is the hinge that turns our grieving into grace, tears into trust, and worries into worship.” Jennifer Rothschild

If you’re like me, you’ve lost confidence in much of what we see in the news. Or at least, we sift through several accounts of events to determine what might be true.

This I know: something catastrophic is happening in the Middle East right now which will most probably have a wide ripple effect into coming generations. There is much to lament here. God’s face is the only one to which we can look with complete trust and confidence.

So here we are…

Worship with me to the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir‘s rendition of the lament in Psalm 3.

Many are they increased that troubled me
Many are they that rise up against me
Many there be which say of my soul
There is no help for him in God

But Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

[Repeat]

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

[Repeat Twice]
For Thou oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Of my head
My head*

*Lyrics to Thou O Lord as sung by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

Worship Wednesday – the Wonder of God – Count ‘Em – Brandon Lake

Photo Credit: YouTube, Lyrics X Scripture

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders You have done, and the plans You have for us—none can compare to You—if I proclaim and declare them, they are more than I can count. Psalm 40:5

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.Job 5:9

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.James 1:17

Wonder has been my word for 2023. Some of our days can seem mundane until we shake off the mental fog and clear our eyes to what is most real – that God is ever present and moving in our lives and through our circumstances. Wonder at that!

From “In the beginning, God” (Genesis 1:1) through the cross of Jesus when he prays “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing” to his apostle John’s inspired revelation of what is to come – it is all God and He calls us to Himself.

“Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God, for his judgments are true and just.” Revelation 19:1-2a

If we miss the wonder of God, it is because we have filled our minds with humans as our idols. Frail, faulty humans. We judge God by those persons whom we, at some point, deemed worthy of a pedestal of honor. Should they fall or falter, we then pull away and think they represent a God who fails. Not so!

What is Christianity? If you think Christianity is mainly going to church, believing a certain creed, and living a certain kind of life, then there will be no note of wonder and surprise about the fact that you are a believer. If someone asks you, “Are you a Christian?” you will say, “Of course I am! It’s hard work but I’m doing it. Why do you ask?” Christianity is, in this view, something done by you—and so there’s no astonishment about being a Christian. However, if Christianity is something done for you, and to you, and in you, then there is a constant note of surprise and wonder. John Newton wrote the following hymn: Let us love and sing and wonder, Let us praise the Savior’s name. He has hushed the law’s loud thunder, He has quenched Mount Sinai’s flame. He has washed us with his blood. He has brought us nigh to God. See where the love and wonder comes from—because he has done all this and brought us to himself. He has done it. So if someone asks you if you are a Christian, you should not say, “Of course!” There should be no “of course-ness” about it. It would be more appropriate to say, “Yes, I am, and that’s a miracle. Me! A Christian! Who would have ever thought it? Yet he did it, and I’m his.” Tim Keller, Hidden Christmas: the Surprising Truth Behind the Birth of Christ

The wonder of God is that He is so many things that we are not, and yet He gives us a way forward to be more like Him, through the work of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. How long-suffering He is; how loving!

Anyone who reads this blog probably knows (or has heard of) the old song “Count Your Blessings”. It is a sweet reminder to exercise our gratitude at all the Lord has done in our lives – “raising my Ebenezer” so to speak.

[I’ve written many times in the past on “stones of remembrance” – raising my own Ebenezer to a good and faithful God.]

Just one example of the wonder of God in my own life is portrayed in the picture below – of my beautiful mom, and precious daughter, and me. My mom had such a hard first marriage that I don’t remember her ever praying a husband for me. Until I was 5 or 6, we were unchurched. Mom had to work so hard providing for us in our childhood that weekends were her catch-up time with house, errands, and us. Church just didn’t happen. Then when neighbors drew us in and church became a beautiful thing in our lives, we all came to faith (and Mom back to her childhood faith which fast became a deep adult walk with God). She gave me a long look into the love of God and the difference knowing Jesus made in a person’s life. I did finally marry and remarkably had children, all of which points to God and His kindness. This picture of us three – all three safe and secure in His love and promises speaks to the wonder of God in our lives.

Just one glimpse of His wonder. Just one on a long list and counting.

God is worthy of our awe and wonder. No matter the situation we find ourselves. He is doing something beyond our imagining. Even in the broken nature of relationships in this world, even in the winding down of all that surrounds us…God is present. We can lean on Him and take hope and courage in Him.

Photo Credit: Heartlight, James Houston

Worship with me to singer/songwriter Brandon Lake‘s Count ‘Em. Get ready for some hard-hitting, Scripture-packed joy at the wonders of God!

Oh-oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh

You got thunder in Your vocal, You got flames in Your eyes
You got wonder-working power pouring out of Your side
Checked the tomb all the way through, the grave was empty inside
Ain’t no other pull the greatest miracle of all time

You got power, demons cower when they hear Your name called
You got power that still towers, make Goliath look small
You got power to devour any counterfeit roar
Even Your tongue is a sword, count up the score, You are the Lord

Holy
You are the Lord
Holy
You are the Lord
Holy
You are the Lord
Holy

Hey, hey
All those funerals You ruined when You made the dead rise
Heaven’s healer using spit and mud to open blind eye
You got wonders I can’t number, couldn’t count if I tried
Called the doctor and the doctor said, “I’m giving new life
Tell your enemies the victory is already here
More than sixty thousand angels, just the tip of the spear”
One day every knee will bow and every heart will be Yours
This is the end of a war, count up the score, You are the Lord

Holy
You are the Lord
Holy
You are the Lord
Holy
You are the Lord
Holy

How many enemies ended on bended knees, swallowed up in defeat?
Can’t count ’em
How many raging seas opened in front of me? How many victories?
Can’t count ’em
How many prophecies no one would dare believe? Now it’s reality
Can’t count ’em
How many broken men given a second chance? See all the lifted hands
Can’t count ’em

How many Thomases doubted Your promises standing here, now convinced?
Can’t count ’em
How many hospitals said it’s impossible? How many miracles?
Can’t count ’em
How many paralyzed living a different life? Go on and testify
Can’t count ’em
How many sinners saved? How many bodies raised? How many empty graves?
Can’t count ’em

Oh-oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh

You are the Lord
Holy
You are the Lord
Holy
You are the Lord
Holy
You are the Lord
Holy*

*Lyrics to Count ‘Em – Songwriters: Brandon Lake, Jacob Sooter, Hank Bentley

YouTube Video – Count ‘Em – Brandon Lake – Lyric Bible Verses

The Wonder of All We Have in Christ: Five Contrasts at the Heart of Hebrews – David Mathis

Death to Deconstruction – a Podcast by Joshua S. Porter – episode “with “Breakdown of the Christian Music Machine with Stephen Christian” – if you have little time, go to minute 54:30 where Stephen gives us rationale of why he did NOT walk away from God as a believer. Powerful!!!

Photo Credit: Heartlight, Phillips Brooks

Worship Wednesday – One Day – Lynda Randle

Enoch walked with God; then he was not there because God took him.Genesis 5:24

By faith Enoch was taken away, and so he did not experience death. He was not to be found because God took him away. For before he was taken away, he was approved as one who pleased God.Hebrews 11:5

“His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’” – Matthew 25:23

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”2 Timothy 4:7

A dear friend of mine died last week. Nabila Massoud. I knew her by her family nickname FonFon. She was Egyptian, a widow and mom of two daughters, a physician, a beloved sister, a grandmother, and a beautiful friend. Most importantly, she was a faithful, devoted follower of Christ. From a very early age.

I can’t believe she is gone. I will never forget her. One day, because of Jesus, I will see her again.

We have known each other since 1995, when our family moved to Egypt and moved into her family’s building in Nasr City. She taught me so much about how to live well in a city that would become home to us. How to speak Arabic, how to understand and honor Egyptian people and their culture, how to do family life and hospitality, how to navigate around Cairo, how to pray and worship in another language, and how to trust God’s promises in hard days.

FonFon was a rock for me. I loved (love) her so much. She knew my mom and dad, and Dave’s as well. I also knew hers and spent time with her extended family. We celebrated our children’s birthdays and successes. We were family. Hers and ours.

This has been a really tough year for FonFon. Her daughter Dina (in image below on right) became very ill and would finally die. She, like her mom, had a beautiful way about her and a deep faith. FonFon was actually a patient in the same hospital as Dina in those days for she also had become ill. Three months after Dina died, FonFon would die.

What a Homecoming that must have been for her. To be with her Lord, with family who had gone before, and with her precious Dina.

[Sarah, FonFon (Nabila), and Dina – Beautiful mom and daughters]

Young Sarah, FonFon’s other daughter, would be there for both her sister and then her mom in those days of passing. Thanks to livestreaming, we were able to hear Sarah speak in tribute to both her sister and then her mom, with God’s strength to carry her through all the emotion. I was so proud of her.

My life has been so impacted by this family and especially this dear friend. Only one year older than me.

Enoch (in verses above) was spared dying. He walked with God through his life and then God just took him Home. Although FonFon had to endure through an illness that never abated, she went through it as she had passed through her whole life…with her Savior. Well done, Dear One! Welcome Home.

[Below is an excerpt from FonFon’s obituary.]

Nabila Massoud, or Fonfon as most people know her, was truly one of a kind. One of the most amazing people you could have ever met. She was always leading by example, putting others first, extending help to those in need no matter how big the sacrifice, and she had one of the most wonderful smiles ALL the time, in the toughest of times.

Fonfon, looking back at your life, the short years you spent with us on earth, makes us know that no one has an excuse to lead a miserable life or lose their faith no matter what hardships they face. And the reason is simple: you did it.

You endured the hardest of circumstances all through your life, and you always came out stronger, with more faith and with a big smile on your face. Your life and love for the Lord will always be an example and source of inspiration to many.

We love you and will always miss you, until we meet again!

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4Obituary of Nabila FonFon Massoud

Worship with me to a great Gospel song – One Day. One line especially reminds me of FonFon: “I wanna get so close to Him that is’ no big change, on that day that Jesus calls my name.”

Some days drag. Some days fly
Some days I think of the day I’ll die
Some days fill me and some days drain
And one day Jesus will call my name

One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, I hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name

Most days I pray but some days I curse.
It’s that number of days I put myself first.
But it’s not what I do, the cross made that plain.
And one day Jesus will call my name

One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, I hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name

One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, I hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name

One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, I hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name

One day Jesus will call my name
As days go by, I hope I don’t stay the same.
I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change,
On that day that Jesus calls my name

On that day that Jesus calls my name
On that day that Jesus calls my name*

*Lyrics to “One Day” – Songwriter: Phill McHugh

What to Do to Hear “Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant” – Clarence L. Haynes, Jr.

https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/christ-and-cancer

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/can-cancer-be-gods-servant

https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-cancer.html

https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-24-god-able-ephesians-320-21

Worship Wednesday – On Suffering and a God Who Is Present With Us – When I Survey the Wondrous Cross – Isaac Watts

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Even though I suffer as I do, I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day. Hold on to the pattern of sound teaching you have heard from me, with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.2 Timothy 1:12-13

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial that has come upon you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed at the revelation of His glory.1 Peter 4:12-13

The verses above are just a few representing many in Scripture, walking us through the experience of suffering. The Apostle Paul was writing to Timothy from a Roman prison. Facing a death sentence yet his understanding of and love for God were not dampened. The Apostle Peter wrote his letter to the persecuted believers scattered across the Roman provinces in Asia Minor. He encouraged them to persevere and remain faithful to a God who also experienced suffering. Peter would also die for his faith and would know the great joy of seeing Christ in all his glory.

Suffering is something we struggle to understand. We want to have an answer, a reason…to explain it to our own hearts or to someone else hurting. Why is there suffering, especially if God is all-powerful and wholly good? This question is a common objection held by those who reject Christianity.

Our dear late brother Tim Keller included this trouble with suffering in his study The Reason for God.

Photo Credit: The Reason for God, Tim Keller, Pinterest

Going through Keller’s study, I was reminded that it is not for me to offer up explanations or reasons. This is not a cop-out but a real and straight-up “I just don’t know why”. Because my walk with God through suffering has only caused me to cling to Him all the more.

Now, I haven’t lost a child (twins in utero but not a child whose face I knew and heart I loved). Nor have I lost a husband, or home, or my health. However, through all the losses across this life, God was there. Sometimes quieter than I would prefer…but there. Present. Through a peace beyond understanding, through verses in the Bible illuminated for me, through the company of friends and families who keep showing up, and through the strength to keep going by His grace alone.

Tim Keller’s Answer to “How Can a Good God Allow Suffering?” – Kevin Ott

The Apostle Paul speaks about joy in suffering (Romans 5:3-6) and the hope we can know because of God’s love revealed to us through the death and resurrection of Christ.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

The Lord has his reasons…and I can wait to know them. What matters more is I know Him. The comfort He has given on so many occasions of loss is that of One who not only knows our wounds but bore wounds for us Himself.

If we have never sought, we seek Thee now;
Thine eyes burn through the dark, our only stars;
We must have sight of thorn-pricks on Thy brow,
We must have Thee, O Jesus of the Scars.
The heavens frighten us; they are too calm;
In all the universe we have no place.
Our wounds are hurting us; where is the balm?
Lord Jesus, by Thy Scars, we claim Thy grace.
If, when the doors are shut, Thou drawest near,
Only reveal those hands, that side of Thine;
We know today what wounds are, have no fear,
Show us Thy Scars, we know the countersign.
The other gods were strong; but Thou wast weak;
They rode, but Thou didst stumble to a throne;
But to our wounds only God’s wounds can speak,
And not a god has wounds, but Thou alone.
Edward Shillito

Worship with me using the great Isaac Watts’ hymn, drawing our heads upward to the Savior:

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

Forbid it Lord that I should boast
Save in the death of Christ my God
All the vain things that charm me most
I sacrificed them to His blood

See from His head His hands His feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ere such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

Were the whole realm of nature mine
that were a present far too small
Love so amazing so divine
Demands my soul my life my all
*

Photo Credit: Timothy Keller, Quote Fancy

Photo Credit: Heartlight

*Lyrics to When I Survey the Wondrous Cross – Isaac Watts

YouTube Video – When I Survey the Wondrous Cross Hymn Story with Lyrics – Story Behind the Hymn – Isaac Watts

YouTube Video – When I Survey the Wondrous Cross – (arr. G. Martin) – St. Olaf’s Choir

Postscript: I want to return again to Horatio Spafford, writer of the poem “It is Well with My Soul”. This poem, turned into a much beloved hymn, focuses on the cross of Christ. Written after Spafford lost all four of his daughters in an oceanliner accident. In the poem, he clings to the cross of Christ. For many reasons, I’m sure, but he must have drawn great comfort from a God who drew near to us through suffering, and a God who knew the pain of losing a child to death.

Monday Morning Moment – No Going Back – a Bit of My Story

[As I write, it is the day before Independence Day in the US. The 4th of July. Parades, barbecues, gatherings of friends and family, and fireworks gloriously finishing off the day. Our fridge is filled with summer-sweet watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and chicken ready for the grill. Today is quiet and full of introspection. Here’s what’s on my mind.]

I wasn’t born into a Christian family. We weren’t in church until I was 7 or 8. My mom had a church experience as a child and was saved and baptized but had stopped attending church years before I was born. She would say she stopped seeking God somewhere along the way in a difficult marriage. Not sure at all whether my biological father had any sort of faith. To this day, I’m thankful for Christian neighbors who loved us and invited us into their church family.

When I was 9, during a summer Bible school week, the message of God’s love and His deliverance from our self-serving, sinful hearts was immensely beautiful to me. Even as a little girl, I had unsuccessfully tried my hardest to be good for my mama. She worked so hard to keep food on the table for us (with no help from anyone), and I didn’t want to add to her burden. Still, like I said, being good wasn’t always my path forward. Then hearing that God was not put off by that, and, in fact, had made a way for me to be covered by His own righteousness through Jesus…well, it was the most amazing thing I had ever heard.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

This wasn’t just a tickling-the-ears sort of experience. Not just a relief-generating tale for troubled child. It resonated with my heart and mind. It sounded truer than anything I had known before. Understanding, even as a child, that God had made a way for me to be free of the burden of my sin was really good news.

Photo Credit: My God and My Dog

My pursuit of God actually followed His pursuit of me. He has never let go of me…even in seasons of my rebellion as a young adult. The shiny things of the world can be mesmerizing – popularity, higher education, professional favor, the stuff and experiences that work affords us.

In my 20s, I had a divided mind and allegiance. To some, it may not have seemed so, but I knew my own heart, and it was, for a time, lured back to old ways – a heart that could be both deceived and deceitful. However, by God’s grace, I did NOT stay in that place forever. He drew me back to Himself.

Reminded of the passage late in Jesus’ public ministry, when some of His followers fell away, He asked the apostle Peter if he would leave, too. Peter answered Him with the question that always brings me back to the reality of life: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” There is simply no one else…nowhere else to go. Period. Full-stop.

Photo Credit: Heartlight

Well…that’s a bit of my story. Your story may look very different from mine. Since my 30s, as winding as the path may be, or as imperfectly as I follow it…there is no going back.

As we celebrate our freedoms as a nation, freedoms hard-won by those who sacrificed their lives for our sake, I also celebrate the freedom won by Christ whose own ultimate sacrifice won us back to Himself. Hallelujah!

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Independence Day in the USA – Celebrating the 4th of July and Remembering that Freedom is Not Free – Deb Mills

Independence Day Montage – Family, Food, Fireworks, and the American Flag – Deb Mills

Worship Wednesday – Independence Day Reflection – You Say I Am Free – Lauren Daigle’s How Can It Be – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – Steps Forward in “We the People” Becoming True for All Americans – Deb Mills

Monday Morning Moment – How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

Photo Credit: Vanhercke Christiaan, Geograph

[Adapted from the Archives]

Yesterday was Father’s Day with all the sweet and hard of such a day depending on your situation.

Photo Credit: Refuge in Grief

Today is Juneteenth – a huge day in American history that I never learned about until the last few years. Our Daily Bread Voices has provided an incredible documentary on Juneteenth – beautiful and redeeming.

This morning, rolling out of bed, I have so many thoughts pinging around my mind…thoughts and accompanying emotions. Missing fathers from our lives. A young woman with three small children facing eviction because of a father who abused and then deserted them. Afghan refugees and friends sorting through their own losses and fighting to build their lives here. Taking in the intensity of Juneteenth and the experience of freedom for all of us.

As happens sometimes, a simple song, and the not-so-simple question in its title, settles in my brain.

“How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?”

Whether the Bee Gee’s epic original or Al Green’s amazing cover. Here’s a more recent Bee Gee’s performance (2001):

The Bee Gees, Al Green, and “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?” – Alyson

Even when our hearts are not presently under attack, we share space with those we love whose hearts are breaking. A dear friend whose husband wants another future. A friend who spent his Father’s Day without his children (because his ex-wife chose a different future). Friends who lost their fathers before this Father’s Day…or parents who lost their children (whether to death or to an estranged life). Friends heartbroken over the what-ifs or what-may-never-be’s.  Fill in the blank with your own. #BrokenHearts.

[Too heavy for a Monday morning? It does get better.]

Maybe you aren’t so aware of broken hearts. Maybe you haven’t had the experience of sitting on the phone of a friend scream-weeping at the hard reality of her life right now. Maybe you haven’t worked beside a friend whose stone face and deep quiet haven’t touched your awareness of what is going on under the surface of his silence…his pain.

Broken hearts can take us on spirals that lead to self-protective withdrawal, confused anger, terrifying isolation, or hard bitterness.

Photo Credit: AZ Quotes

Or we can heal.

One of the best TED talks I have ever heard is on “How to Fix a Broken Heart” with psychologist Dr. Guy Winch. Check out its 12 minutes of wisdom and helps.

I also found some helps in a somewhat odd place: Kristin Weber‘s Adulting for Jesus. Whatever you currently think about Jesus, this book on adulting is refreshing, funny sometimes, and so real. Midway of the book she talks about developing something she calls Godly grit.

“Adulting requires learning how to fall and get back up again, and again, and again.” – Adulting for Jesus, p. 89

Weber presents 10 ways to shift perspective on the struggle (our heartbreak) and develop that grit:

  • Expect hardship.“Western comforts have lulled us into the false assumption that life is meant to be easy and the hard moments few. In reality, much of life is hard, and the easy moments are the exceptions.”  We can learn to live in such a way that difficult situations/relationships don’t catch us off guard.
  • Depend on God.  “…when a relationship [ends] abruptly, failure hurts – often deeply. We can be honest about our hurt and struggles while still trusting God.” We don’t ignore the pain of our broken heart, but we recognize that God hasn’t gone anywhere. He sees; He hears; He will work on our behalf.
  • Ask “What’s Next?”“Rather than ask ‘Why me?’…ask a different question about life: ‘What’s next?’ Obstacles, especially a long string of them, can make us short-sighted. By asking ‘What’s next?’ we recognize this failure or hardship isn’t the end of our story…Hardships will undoubtably change you, but keeping a long-term perspective will prevent them from destroying you.”
  • Look at Adversity through Eternal Lenses.“As a child of God your trials, both big and small, have an expiration date.” When our hearts are broken, we are consumed and exhausted by our loss. We can’t see down the road but so far. “Do the next thing”. Eternity comes but until then we grieve the loss, but we also train ourselves to stay in the moment and hope for a better future…a different future. We have that confidence in God’s care.
  • Appreciate the Bottom. “A lot can be learned on the bottom step of the ladder”. Our broken hearts can bring us low…but that is not where we stay. That is not where we belong.
  • Develop Thick Skin and a Tender Heart.“Try to be slow in getting offended and quick in extending grace. If someone causes you to have a knee-jerk reaction, that person controls you. That person has all the power…Choosing a calm response and keeping a level head, you remain free to live your life.”
  • Be Teachable.“Though we don’t need to let the opinions and critiques of everyone we encounter control our lives, we do need people who can lovingly speak truth into our lives…Our natural instinct is to make excuses or get defensive when someone corrects us, but adopting an attitude of teachability puts us on the track to growth and maturity. We need to take ownership of our actions and be humble enough to receive input about where we can improve.”
  • Do Something.“Big changes happen through tiny actions, and tiny actions require doing something.” Every day…step by step. #MakeYourBed.
  • Laugh. “Once I learned to laugh at myself and find humor in situations that didn’t tip in my favor, I became less stressed and anxious about every little thing. I didn’t dread life or failure as much…Our hope isn’t ultimately in everything going our way, and humor keeps the weight of our circumstances from crushing us.”
  • Count Your Blessings.“Instead of focusing constantly on everything that’s going wrong, take time each day to remember what’s going right. We might find our ‘gratitude attitude’ changes our entire outlook on life.”

Thanks, Kristin. I can tell you’ve known heartbreak and have learned to come out whole on the other side.

Closing out this Monday Morning Moment, for those of us who are sharing space with one or many dealing with broken hearts, we need to remember its pain, and have patience and compassion…be present, listen, and, when we can, speak the truth in love.

Photo Credit: Heartlight, Lanny Henninger

P.S. The Scripture verses are strong anchors and the links below are super helpful. None of us are in these broken spaces alone.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.Psalm 34:18

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.Psalm 73:26

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.Psalm 147:3

“I have chosen you and haven’t rejected you. Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:9b-10

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Jesus – Matthew 11:28-30

Worship Wednesday – Jesus – the Friend of a Wounded Heart – Wayne Watson, Damaris Carbaugh (with the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir), and Avalon – Deb Mills

4 Bible Secrets to Heal a Broken Heart – Dudley Rutherford – really excellent and rapid read.

How to Heal a Broken Heart – Cecil Maranville – another excellent read (also from a Biblical standpoint)

How Can I Recover From Heartbreak? – GotQuestions – another.

Worship Wednesday – From Bitterness to Brokenness – Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God – Deb Mills