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Understanding True Habit Change & Rocking Your New Year’s Resolutions

January 7, 2016 admindeb 7 Comments

Photo Credit: DavidLose.net

New Year’s resolutions are very energizing really. Whether we meet our goals or not, there is great promise within the resolution for resetting our thinking. A keen sense of self, or self-awareness, makes a difference in understanding our habits and progressing toward true habit change.

A couple of times in my life, I resolved to go off sugar. With a resolution like that, it means abstaining from chocolate…which is a topic all its own.

Anyway, I was successful for over a year each of those times in excluding sugar from my diet. Never having really lost the weight from my first pregnancy, I decided to remove sugar from my diet for the pregnancy of our second-born. In those days, there was a chapter of Overeaters Anonymous in our town, and that group was a great help in my dealing with pretty much a sugar addiction.

The second time I “gave up” sugar was over 2 years ago, and I stayed the course of that habit change for over 1 1/2 years. Less accountability but even more resolve. Now I sometimes have dessert or sugary snacks but I am still operating with more self-awareness than ever before. Self-awareness, not self-condemnation. A very different experience.

Without knowing it, I was using a practice of habit change that Ken Sande writes about on his blog, Relational Wisdom 360. He first influenced my life years ago with his work on conflict resolution through his Peacemaker Ministries. He is a gentle guide in many of the issues that complicate our lives.

His New Year article on Seven Principles of Habit Change comes at a great time. Sande talks quite kindly about how we develop habits and what it takes to change them. His first principle of habit change gives us a look at the cycle of habits – the cue, the routine (or response), and the reward. Anyone who loves chocolate can understand this easily. For me, in eating sugar (or in overeating, in general), the cue could be a number of things – fatigue, anxiety, loneliness, presence of yummy food. It never takes much to send me to the refrigerator or pantry. The routine: feed the cue, whatever it is…with high-carb oral gratification. The reward: a brief soul satisfaction and temporary relief from whatever was the cue.

Photo Credit: Relational Wisdom 360

In my two seasons of not eating added sugar, I actually followed Ken Sande’s principles below (without knowing the wisdom of it).

Every habit has three parts: a cue, a routine, and a reward.
You can change an undesirable habit by keeping the cue and reward but learning a new routine.
The best way to overcome the temptation to revert to old routines is to have a detailed action plan.
Habit change builds momentum if you can change a single “keystone habit” and then continue to build on consecutive “small wins”.
Will power is like a muscle: it can be strengthened and yet needs to be exerted strategically.
Faith is an essential part of changing habits.
Habit change is more likely to occur within a community (even if it’s just two people). – Ken Sande

[If any readers want to talk further about habit change regarding sugar addiction, I would love the exchange, either through the comments or email.]

Self-awareness is a huge factor relating to habit change. I can see that more now having come through seasons of looking at my own habits.

“Self-awareness is defined as conscious knowledge of oneself; it’s a stepping stone to reinventing oneself, learning to make wiser decisions, and helps you tune into your thoughts and feelings. So often we place blame on externalities because it’s the easiest excuse, when in fact we should be thinking about our thinking, reflecting, trying on different perspectives, and learning from our mistakes.” – Paul Jun

Matt Monge wrote a great piece on 13 questions we might ask ourselves to better understand why we do what we do. He is applying these questions to leadership and workplace, but they apply as well to habits. Also, in researching for this blog, I came upon this YouTube video of David Wallace Foster giving a commencement speech on awareness. Really thought-provoking as well as entertaining.

It is possible to affect true habit change if we are willing to take a studied look at ourselves – our awareness and our engagement with making choices/decisions and within relationship. I used to think that self-awareness was morally charged, i.e., it drove us to becoming more self-centered. That doesn’t have to be the case. When we take time to really examine where our minds go, through the day, we can train our thinking toward what matters most to us – related to people, resources, and life purpose.

When we are willing to do that, New Year’s resolutions can become much more life-changing than just going off sugar for a few weeks. These same habit change principles can apply to anger issues, pornography, other addictions, and pretty much any habitual process that negatively affects your work, relationships or general peace of mind.

I’d like to close with Ken Sande’s thoughts on taking self-awareness to other-awareness and God-awareness:

“The better we know and follow God (God-aware, God-engaging), the more we will know and discipline ourselves (self-aware, self-engaging), which opens the way for us to better understand, relate to, and serve our neighbors (other-aware, other-engaging).

To close the loop and spur us on developing relational wisdom, the Lord promises that the more we obey his command to love our neighbors, the closer we will draw to God himself (John 14:21-23). Thus, relational wisdom is a circle of interrelated skills that continually fuel one another.” – Ken Sande

Photo Credit: RelationalWisdom360

Do You Want to Change Your Habits? – Relational Wisdom – Ken Sande

Seven Principles of Habit Change – Relational Wisdom – Ken Sande

13 Questions to Increase Your Self-Awareness – The Mojo Company – Matt Monge

Why Self-Awareness Is the Secret Weapon for Habit Change – Paul Jun

This is Water – David Foster Wallace on Awareness

RW Acrostics in Action – Relational Wisdom – Ken Sande

Need Help With Your New Year’s Resolutions? – David Lose

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Worship Wednesday – How Firm a Foundation – Illustrated

January 6, 2016 admindeb 3 Comments

Photo Credit: BlueLetterBible.org

Many years ago, I spent the summer doing construction on the island of Mindanao in the Philippines. A group of older American teens and five adults comprised a team who would build a structure over the course of that summer. The building would house a church (and the pastor family would live in the loft). Only one of us had any construction experience but we all had received a couple of weeks training prior to leaving the States.

It was a marvel that we had such confidence (faith, really) to do such a thing.

After flying halfway around the world to Manila, we boarded a ship for an overnight journey south to Mindanao. On our arrival, we were greeted at port by a small group of very enthusiastic Filipinos. They carried us, by bus, straight to the construction site for a look-see.

We must have been the sight.

Eagerly tumbling out of the bus, we were struck speechless at building lot where we would erect a church. It was obvious where we were to build because it was the only open space surrounded by several houses on stilts. It was also obvious why no homes had been built there before.

Covering most of the building site was a tidal pool, and it must have been high tide. We blinked and stared at the deep salt-water pool, complete with small fish popping the surface of the water.

How could we build in such a place?

Photo Credit: NourishtheDream.com

Amazingly, we found that we could build there. A lot of engineering, which I don’t remember now, went into making the site dry (somehow rerouting the tidal water, pumping out the standing water, and filling in the area with dirt and rock).

Our project leader told us our most important job was to build a strong foundation. In this rural area, with more hands than construction companies available to us, we worked shoulder to shoulder with our new Filipino friends. Steel reinforcing bars were tied, and cement was mixed for days as we began pouring concrete footers. We poured a thick foundation and built up with cinder blocks.

I wish I had easily retrievable pictures from those hot summer days in Mindanao. The building went up and finally the sharply pitched roof was laid on.

On our last full day there, we celebrated our work together with those dear friends in that community. They would finish the last details of the building without us as we flew back to the US the next day.

I will never forget that first day, and the laying of the foundation, in particular. Such hard work…not to be short-changed. A year later, a violent typhoon hit that village, and we were sure the church must have been destroyed.

It stood through the storm.

How thankful I am for the sure foundation we have in God’s Word and His work in us through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ!

A great old hymn, How Firm a Foundation, speaks powerfully about this strong support we have through the storms of our lives. Published in 1787, many have written hymn stories about it, but I refer you to the one written by Tim Challies. He also introduces the arrangement done of the hymn by the trio Ordinary Time.

Worship with me:

How firm a foundation, you Saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He has said,
To you, who, for shelter, to Jesus has fled?

(In every condition—in sickness, in health,
In poverty’s vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea—
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.)

Fear not, I am with you; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am your God and will still give you aid.
I’ll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call you to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow,
For I will be with you, your troubles to bless,
And sanctify to you your deepest distress.

When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be your supply.
The flame shall not hurt you; I only design
Your dross to consume and your gold to refine.

(E’en down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sovreign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.)

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.*

I love the imagery of this great old hymn, and thinking about how saints of God for more than 200 years have worshipped Him through these lyrics. Artist Laura Kranz applied her own powerful imagery to this hymn. One image is featured below; the rest you can find at the Overview Bible Project.Photo Credit: Laura A. Kranz

Have a worshipful Wednesday. I pray you stand on such a foundation as God offers us. When we stood, that first day, on the building site…staring at a seemingly impossible task, a group of the church youth, sang a song of dedication. It was My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less. The chorus was perfect for that day: – “On Christ, the Solid Rock, I stand. All other ground is sinking sand; all other ground is sinking sand.”

It was beautifully ironic as our eyes were riveted to the sight of that tidal pool – at the same time, listening to these precious young people sing about faith, not sight. How firm a foundation we have in Christ!

*How Firm a Foundation – Lyrics and Illustrations by Laura Kranz

Hymn Stories: How Firm a Foundation (+ Free Download) – Tim Challies

YouTube Video – Ordinary Time – How Firm a Foundation

Ordinary Music Website

YouTube Video – Sink My Feet by Jillian Edwards

Carpentry and Building Construction – a Do-It-Yourself Guide

Photo Credit: Biblevisuals.org

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5 Friday Faves Plus a Bonus – New Year, Fruit in Season, Shepherding People, Decluttering & Thrift Shops, Self-awareness, and a Playlist

January 1, 2016 admindeb 6 Comments

Happy New Year! Thanks for stopping by. It means a lot. Here are 5 plus 1 faves of this week. Hope you find them helpful and/or refreshing for your first day of 2016.

1) New Year Storms – Leslie Leyland Fields wrote a fascinating piece for us as we face the New Year. She reflects on the Apostle Peter’s experience of a stormy sea and applies that to our personal storms. The One who calms storms is the same today as then. We all hope for a fair weather year, but staying storm-ready is wisdom.Photo Credit: NaturePhotoBlog.com – Theo Bosboom

Our son Daniel in Scotland

2) Fruit in Season – When we first moved to Egypt, I was happily surprised at the long growing season of this desert nation. With irrigation from the Nile River, and the hot sunny days, we had yummy fruit for many months. Fruit that, in the US, we would have too briefly. Large luscious strawberries in December were a special treat in Egypt.Photo Credit: Fresh Plaza

Mandarin season in Morocco is also very special. Ripe from the tree. Sweet and perfectly juicy. It’s mandarin season now. Happy New Year!Photo Credit: Sarah Storm

3) Shepherding People – Think of those for whom you steward leadership. Shepherding does not just apply to pastors and churches, but to parents and children, and to those in our charge in the workplace. Abraham Kuyper writes of our example of the shepherds watching their sheep on the night of Jesus’ birthday. “If the shepherds in Ephrata’s fields had not been faithfully involved in keeping watch over their flock, they would have seen nothing of that night’s brilliance, witnessed nothing of the Lord’s glory shining around them, heard no angel song, and would never have paid homage to God’s Holy Child. Doesn’t the same apply to you? The heavens still sometimes open.” It is often in the ordinary faithfulnesses of the day that we see the most extraordinary…if we keep watch.Photo Credit: BPNews.net

4) Decluttering & Favorite Thrift Shops – If December doesn’t drive us to look at our household clutter, January sure will. I struggle with this. Holding on to beloved books and sentimental bits of this or that. Or those precious piles of “things I may need later”. The article 200 Things to Throw Away Today was very helpful for me this week. She gives a tremendous array of things I can work with, and there is no judging. Whew! You also don’t have to “throw away” all these items because there are various avenues through which you can recycle, repurpose, or reuse (including local agencies that help house the homeless, for instance). Two of my favorite small business thrift shops in our neighborhood are 2BInspired and Nomadic Attic.

Photo Credit: 2BInspired

Photo Credit: Nomadic Attic

Decluttering: 300+ Things to Throw Away Today – City Waste Services

5) Self-Awareness – Matt Monge of The Mojo Company published a great pre-New Year article on 13 Questions to Increase Your Self-Awareness. Our default with people is to scrutinize those around us as to how they are doing life, work, relationships. Self-awareness seemed a negative thing because anything with “self” in front of the word must not be good. Right? Wrong! The questions Matt presents are so insightful. Two of my favorites were: Did I demonstrate vulnerability today? If not, why not? What is the root cause of my reluctance to do so? and Was my leadership today reflective of someone who views his role as one of a steward rather than one who views the team and organization as something to be used for my benefit?

I want to go into 2016 having done my homework such that, at least, I have looked at my own heart, thinking, and motivations…first! Don’t miss this gem of a piece before heading back to work on Monday.Photo Credit: The Mojo Company

6) A Playlist – What a delight when someone else does the work of putting together a playlist. I still have some audiocassettes, from our days in Egypt, that local friends put together with our pop music favorites of that time. Mary Carver (co-author with Sarah Frankl of the new book Choose Joy) put together a playlist to take us into the New Year. Every one will make you smile, dance around, or just have a mind break to reset toward job. Enjoy!

Photo Credit: GivingUpOnPerfect.com

The video below is a bonus bonus. It’s been viewed a lot, but I only saw it yesterday. It reminded me of a book I read years ago by television producer Bob Briner. In Roaring Lambs, he challenged us to use whatever profession we are in to be “culture-altering” for good. These hair stylists are sure an example of that. Lovely.

Would love you to share one of your week’s favorites. Please use the comments section. Have an amazing start to your New Year! Step by step.

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Love Your Neighbor – Cancer Support – How It’s Done Well

December 31, 2015 admindeb 8 Comments

What does it take to provide cancer treatment and support to patients and families living with the uncertainty of that diagnosis?

The best most innovative diagnostic-medical-surgical interventions possible. I worked for many years for a hospital tucked in a small town in East Tennessee. When we moved to Kingsport for Dave’s job, I left a teaching position at Yale University. You would think it would have been a big transition, but it was not as much. The reason was the Cancer Center at Holston Valley Hospital delivered excellent medical and nursing care. Over more than 2 decades, Wellmont-Holston Valley Medical Center has grown to a 590-bed facility – it’s well-known for its Cardiovascular service, Lung Center, and Cancer Center. It is also a Level 1 Trauma Center. In a small town in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, such a medical center gives confidence to families that their loved ones are getting exactly the care they need.
Patient- and Family-Centered Support Services. Not long after arriving at Holston Valley, I was tasked with developing such a program (the philosophy was already there, but it needed to be made more comprehensive). With the help of the medical, nursing, and allied help staff, and with the support of family members previously touched by cancer, we launched the I Can Cope support group. We quickly observed that words mean things, and that cancer is not an “I” experience. It is “we”. We changed the name to Take Time…to Help, to Heal. Our focus was supporting patients and families through the whole spectrum of their cancer experience – from diagnosis to health (whether long-term or as fulfilling and comfortable end-of-life experience as possible). When we left Kingsport to take an overseas job, Kathryn Visneski, my partner for many years in the Cancer Center, took the lead in continuing the support work. The name of the support groups was changed to Survive and Thrive Cancer Support Groups (reflecting a broader multiple group approach with strong community affiliation ). Kathy has kept true the mission of cancer support at HVMC over all these years. Jane Martin, an art therapist, and many others have come alongside Kathy to make this service truly outstanding. Cancer support services require people; equipping and mentoring patients and families to support each other extends the helping hands a Cancer Center has to offer.
Community Engagement and Support – Cancer affects families and communities. To have community agencies pull together to stand with and empower patients/survivors and families does a truly remarkable thing – it pulls the cancer experience out of the dark and normalizes it in such a way that debilitating fear is diminished. That is huge in the fight against cancer. Hope thrives as it should.

It’s surprising to see the lack of such cancer support services in much larger medical communities. They are costly, but the cost-effectiveness of such programming is measured in so much more than dollars.

Do you have ongoing cancer support services available where you live should you or a loved one need them? Sometimes it just takes a handful of people to start them, either as part of a cancer center or other community agency. Then, with growing awareness and support, they can take off. It’s been over 25 years that Survive and Thrive (aka Take Time…to Help to Heal) has touched lives in Kingsport, Tennessee. It can happen where you are…for the good of so many. If you have had such an experience, please tell us about it and what difference it made.

Barbara & Terry Kindle – Long-term Cancer Survivors & Supporters of Others Through Survive & Thrive

Post-Script: Just an example of how community works together to support cancer patients/survivors and their families is exhibited in picture below. School children colored pictures for our support groups which were used on “Christmas Blessings” folders, filled with encouragement from the patients/families themselves. The support group programs through the years demonstrates the wide range of subjects and those facilitating learning, across specialties and beyond the medical community. What a journey it was for me to be a part and to still be in communication with Kathryn Visneski to see continuing cancer support in Kingsport and beyond.

For 25 Years, Cancer Support Group at Holston Valley Has Provided A Valuable Resource For Survivors

Photo Credits: Survive and Thrive Cancer Support Groups, Holston Valley Medical Center, Kingsport, Tennessee (except for a few personal pics)

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Monday Morning Moment – Last Monday of 2015 – Begin Again

December 28, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: Garfieldh8sMondays

Here we are on the last Monday of 2015. The last Monday of the year. For some of us, there’s a collective deep sigh! We made it through this year of tough Mondays. Celebrating…quietly.

Over coffee this morning, we talked about the huge build-up to Christmas, and how today, in comparison, is almost a let-down. I don’t feel that way at all. On the Monday after Christmas, I feel satisfied and hopeful. Christmas was wonderful…even with the heart hurt of not having all our children with us and my dad states away in assisted living. Hard things are always strewn across even the best of holidays.

We rejoice in what was good and hope for what can be in the year ahead.

That’s how I also feel about this last Monday of the year. We didn’t deal with a terrifying diagnosis but we have friends who did. We didn’t have to grieve the loss of a family member but we grieve still the great loss of dear friends this year. We went through extraordinary change (in work and community) but thankfully kept those relationships. We did not suffer joblessness and do not take for granted the great blessing of gratifying work.

Work this year was oddly harder than any year I can remember. Some situations in life we expect to be hard – like the adjustments we made living cross-culturally, and like the year my mom died. This year was an unexpected hard.

In a season of chronic financial leanness and a year of organizational change, including planned and necessary downsizing, we still have a job. Months of “just keep doing what you’ve been doing” may now be winding down to make way for new direction and engagement. We breathe deeply the air of new possibilities in the days ahead.

Although there is nothing innately powerful in a last Monday of the year or the coming first Monday of 2016, the idea of a fresh start energizes us with hope and anticipation. This ending and beginning do stir our hearts and minds to begin again…

In 1970, a film was released entitled Scrooge. It was a musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. The old curmudgeon Scrooge was very well-played by a 30-something Albert Finney. As I look to this Monday and the next, his song “Begin Again” came to mind. If you have never seen it, watch the YouTube clip:

In thinking of finishing out this year at work, and looking to 2016, I hope you also can celebrate whatever victories and mercies you experienced this year. In looking to 2016, I pray you have anticipation of what comes. If you’ve had a hard year, too, then you are even more equipped to take hold of whatever comes.

Scrooge, in his song above, thanked “the world” (1:42) that he was able to begin again. Odd line really. I thank God for another opportunity to begin again – this day and all the days given to us ahead.

“Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:18-19

“O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” – Psalm 34:8

Scrooge (1970) with Albert Finney – available on Amazon.com

YouTube Video – Scrooge with Albert Finney (1970)

Monday Morning Quarterback – What a Sunday of Football!

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Transcendent Condescension – What Is That and Is It a Good Thing? Oh, Absolutely!

December 24, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: The Gospel Coalition

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. – Philippians 2:5-8

There are words, it seems, we can’t use any more in polite company – words that have changed as culture changes and have been altered, perverted, in the common language. I have happened on such words by using them and then being gently corrected by my 20-something-young friends. “That word doesn’t mean what you think anymore.”

Condescension seems to be one of those words. In today’s usage, it has come to mean “an attitude of patronizing superiority; disdain”. Merriam-Webster has retained some of the fuller meaning of the word: voluntary descent from one’s rank or dignity in relations with an inferior.

Our most recent Advent service at Movement Church focused on the transcendent condescension of God. Pastor Cliff spoke on it and our worship team led us in singing Come Behold the Wondrous Mystery (lyrics follow below). As we were catching up with visiting friends and their young adult children, we had this lively conversation on whether referring to God as condescending was correct or not.

Oh yes…in the fullest sense of that word!

Hang in there with me as I take you through a quick study of the word…with the help of others much smarter than I am.

“God is condescending.

It’s true. However, the problem is not that God is condescending, but that most people have no idea what condescending really means, nor why it should be a good thing that God has such an attitude.

If you were paying attention during high school English class, you know that there are actually two definitions for every word. One is the denotation, which is what the word actually means. The other is the connotation, which is the way the word is usually used in popular conversation. Condescension has a pretty bad connotation; it’s usually used to refer to someone who thinks they’re better than you are, and talks down to you as if coming down to your level is a major chore for them.

The denotation, however, is quite different. The word itself merely means “to come down [descend] together.” The prefix “con-” means “together with.”

If you split the word up and look at its parts, “to descend with,” you actually get a pretty good idea of what God’s interaction with humanity is all about. While it might be offensive for me to act as if I was in any way superior to my fellow humans, it would be silly for God to pretend that he was not superior to us in every single way. Descending to our level is the only way he could possibly have a relationship with us at all. There is certainly no way that we humans, imperfect as we are, could otherwise ascend to his level. Unless God comes down to our level, we’re stuck with this gigantic gap between God’s holy perfection and our miserable imperfection.” – Jim Barringer

“Christ did not receive us because we were perfect, because he could see no fault in us, or because he hoped to gain somewhat at our hands. Ah, no! But, in loving condescension covering our faults, and seeking our good, he welcomed us to his heart; so, in the same way, and with the same purpose, let us receive one another.” – Charles Spurgeon

“There do meet in Jesus Christ, infinite highness, and infinite condescension.” – Jonathan Edwards

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you through His poverty might become rich. – 2 Corinthians 8:9

Condescension, when applied to Redeemer God, is a word that must be reclaimed from the common vernacular of this culture. God, in sending His son, did not just descend. He condescended…He came down to be with us. He came as close as it was possible for a holy God to come to His people…bridging the great gap we could not bridge in our own helpless estate. He came down to be with us.

“To think that everyone was going about their own business, like today, and that in less than 24 hours, Jesus would have been born. In a place, not His family’s own. Among animals and strangers. To a young couple on a journey. No family around. That God broke through to say He loved us enough to CHOOSE to step out of His place of perfection into our deprived, poverty-stricken, self-absorbed places. As a Babe. On a mission. Born to die. So we might live. WOW… tomorrow. And the world didn’t have a clue.” – Stephanie Zimmerman Kuhn

Thank You, God, for your glorious transcendent condescension. We are forever changed.

Come Behold the Wondrous Mystery

Come behold the wondrous mystery in the dawning of the King,
He, the theme of heaven’s praises, robed in frail humanity.
In our longing, in our darkness, now the light of life has come;
Look to Christ, who condescended, took on flesh to ransom us.

Come behold the wondrous mystery: He the perfect Son of Man,
In His living, in His suffering, never trace nor stain of sin
See the true and better Adam come to save the hell-bound man,
Christ, the great and sure fulfillment of the law, in Him we stand.

Come behold the wondrous mystery: Christ the Lord upon the tree;
In the stead of ruined sinners hangs the Lamb in victory.
See the price of our redemption; see the Father’s plan unfold,
Bringing many sons to glory, grace unmeasured, love untold!

Come behold the wondrous mystery: slain by death, the God of life;
But no grave could e’er restrain Him, praise the Lord, He is alive!
What a foretaste of deliverance; how unwavering our hope:
Christ in power resurrected, as we will be when he comes.*

Come Behold the Wondrous Mystery by Matt Boswell, Michael Bleecker, and Matt Papa

God Condescends – Charles Spurgeon

Jonathan Edwards: The Infinite Highness and Condescension of Christ

God Is Condescending by Jim Barringer

Messiah, the Condescension of God Transcendent

The Condescension of our Transcendent God by Lee Tankersley

The Condescending God?

Does Condescend-Condescension Always Have a Negative Connotation?

Lady Catherine’s Condescension

*Come Behold the Wondrous Mystery: Hymn Wednesday

“In our longing, in our darkness
Now the light of life has come
Look to Christ, who condescended
Took on flesh to ransom us”*

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Guitarist Nathan Mills & Star Wars – A Force Awakens

December 21, 2015 admindeb 5 Comments

Photo Credit: Ian Edwards

Nathan Mills is a classical guitarist…and beyond that, he crafts music. To hear and watch him play guitar is to experience music at both an intellectual and heart level. He feels the beauty of the music and somehow interprets it to the listener…as a painter does on a canvas.

Nathan got his first guitar for his 13th birthday. As he mastered acoustic and electric guitar, he and his best buddies in high school had a garage rock band. They didn’t “make it big” as a band in their dreamed of adult music world, but they are all still in music (a story for another day).

At 17, as a Senior in high school, Nathan began classical guitar lessons, with a guitar borrowed from a friend. He studied with Marcelo de la Puebla. We lived in Casablanca, Morocco, at that time, and Marcelo flew in from Spain to teach guitar. It was an amazing opportunity for Nathan and he took full advantage of it.

When Nathan returned to the US for university studies, he continued in classical guitar with Professor John Patykula at Virginia Commonwealth University. With only one prior year of classical guitar study, Nathan felt somewhat intimidated by his late start, but he pushed through, worked hard, and honed his craft.

Since graduating from VCU, he finished his Master’s in guitar performance at East Carolina University. Nathan, with more passion than ever before, continues to play, teach, write and arrange music.

This past weekend, the latest installment of Star Wars opened to wild anticipation. Star Wars – the Force Awakens. With that premier also comes the premier of Nathan Mills’ newest website – www.beyondtheguitar.com. His love for musical expression is evident in his work. His desire for others to stretch, explore and develop their own expression of music is motivating.

It’s never too late to begin, and it’s never too early to revisit crafting your music. For sure, a creative force is awakened in Nathan Mills, and he can help you master the music you love.

I know…I’m his mom – a person who NEVER appreciated classical or instrumental music until I heard someone play it as the composer must have meant it to be played…or maybe because that musician took the music into his own heart and played it right into the heart of the listener. That someone?

Give a listen:

Beyond the Guitar – Nathan Mills

Photo Credit: Duy Nguyen

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The Peril & Blessing of Gift-Giving and that Greatest Gift

December 17, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! – 2 Corinthians 9:15

I am undone by Christmas gift-giving. Once upon a time, seemingly long, long ago, giving special gifts was something I did well. Not so much any more. The whole Christmas shopping experience has become quite overwhelming for me. If you give me a definite idea or suggestion, I am empowered. It will be done! To shoot in the dark for a gift that, just knowing you, I know you would love?…not so much.

What a blessing you are who just intuitively know what will please or what will be treasured…those gifts full of meaning, or thoughtfulness, or wonder – gifts that aren’t seeming burdens or requiring a return. You are a blessing to us all. I don’t even compare myself to great gift-givers any more…resigning myself to the writing of checks or the occasional joy of tripping over “just the right gift”.

This is my tribute to the great gift-givers in my life. Here are examples of late:

those old friends retiring and moving away who gave all of us, at their send-off, a rose and two marbles – a “shooter” and a “keeper”. So meaningful because he collects marbles and is always a great “shooter” in real life, and she is such a “keeper”. I will miss them. The marbles go in my work desk to remember them every time I open that drawer.
that neighbor who baked Christmas cookies with her kids and sent them with their dad around the neighborhood delivering their photo Christmas card and cookies. Such a sweet visit at the door as we talked about spelling bees, and sledding, and no Christmas travel because of work.
those friends who show up with surprises (pictured at top of blog) – the wooden ball Nativity from Bizarre Bazaar (where she fought the crowds of shoppers for those special finds); the cross inscribed with “love”, from a friend (in major transition with what time to shop?!), a silver pillow with “Peace on Earth” in red letters (from a woman in full-time ministry). All working women with little time to shop but hearts so full of love, they do what’s necessary to lavish that love on those around them.

During December each year, before falling asleep, I try to read through my stash of Christmas books. One of those is Andy Andrews’ Socks for Christmas. It’s a shortish story about his growing up in the 60’s Christmas…and the hard reality that, for some children, socks would be a gladsome gift.

Sometimes even the smallest of gifts like socks meets a great need.

What about the greatest of gifts – that of the Christ child? The greatest of gifts from the greatest of Gift-givers to meet the greatest of our needs – that need for a Savior.

Ann Voskamp, is a writer and blogger, homeschool mom and farmer’s wife. As she talks about daily trips to the barn, she paints a story about gift-giving. It’s so real, I can feel the cold of the Canadian winter and the musty smell of hay and animals.

“Too often we think that Christmas is something that we can buy or create or make by hand. Ultimately Christmas isn’t a product that we can wrap up but it’s a Person that we unwrap. Christ comes to the manger, that cradle, that trough. The mire and the stench [of that barn…of our lives]. It doesn’t end there. That manger is wood and it’s nailed together. That manger takes us right to the cross. We are saved only through another tree – the tree from the garden, the tree at the manger, the tree Jesus hung on to save us…From the beginning of time, we’ve been coming to this place – the Messiah coming to redeem us…In the cross is the white-hot burn of His love.” – Ann Voskamp

For you glorious gift-givers, thank you. You reflect the joyful, creative generosity of God. For those of us who struggle, we will press our way through that part of Christmas. We will be glad for you and glad for the One who knew exactly what we needed not just for Christmas but for always…and gave us more that we could “ask or imagine”.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. – Ephesians 3:20-21

[P.S. Gift ideas that stretch across the globe to touch families in need can be found on the pages of the BGR Christmas catalog. If you can’t figure what to give to folks who have pretty much everything, here you can find plenty to give to others, in their name. ]

Jesus is the Greatest Gift – Christmas Gifts for Neighbors – Ann Voskamp

The Cross-Centered Christmas: An Interview with Ann Voskamp – Tony Reinke, DesiringGod.org

The One Thing Your Christmas Can’t Afford to Be Without – Ann Voskamp

Baptist Global Response – Christmas Catalog

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

Socks for Christmas: A Child’s Discovery of the True Riches of Christmas by Andy Andrews

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Worship Wednesday – All Is Well – Storyteller Frank Peretti and Songwriter Michael W. Smith

December 16, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

[From the Archives]

We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28

All Is Well – A Story for Christmas brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. It was published in 1990 and we read it to our children every Christmas until they were old enough to read it themselves. Then I read it to myself. Frank Peretti is the author and Robert Sauber did the illustrations for the first book. It seems to be out of print now, and a newer edition, with illustrations by Gary Glover, came out in 2002.

I fell in love with the first edition, and it’s still my favorite. Don’t you love when you recover something once precious to you which you thought lost forever? In our many moves, somewhere along the way, we lost All Is Well – A Story for Christmas. I was delighted when, just today, I found the book, that old one, captured on a YouTube video.

Screen Shot

The memories of that book have stirred again – reading together cuddled up with the children in front of the fire in Tennessee, Or listening to the audiobook as they stared sleepily into the dark on those long drives to grandparents. Then childhood years across North Africa when stories familiar brought home closer. The tears came again today, as I watched that YouTube video and the telling of All is Well.

The story focuses on a single mother and her little girl, in tough times financially. There was no money for rent and they were facing losing their home. The little girl, Jenny, was determined to help, and she found an old box of Christmas ornaments that she peddled to neighbors in hopes of helping her mom, Ruth, with the rent. One of those ornaments was a small homemade piece of clay inscribed with the phrase, “All is well.” The rest of the story is a lovely picture of courage, hope, love, and kindness – of neighbors reaching out to this little twosome so in need.

The last page of the book ends with this:

“All is well, huh, Mom?”

“All is well, Jenny. Some way, somehow. We can’t see it yet, but all is well.”

(Narrator) “Well, like I said in the beginning, it all depends on where you’re standing and how good the view is from there. When you’re the storyteller, you have a pretty good view. You know things people in the story don’t know… I know Ruth and Jenny will be taken care of…

You know what tickles me: Ruth knows it, too. She knows. She can’t see any of it from where she is…but she knows. Now that she remembers how come all is well, she knows. She remembers and she’ll tell Jenny once again: that God is the grandest storyteller of our lives. He weaves our days then strings them like beads on the chain of history. He knows the placement of every person…the end from the beginning. From His lofty heights, He has the best view of all.

She remembers and she’ll tell Jenny that in a stable in Bethlehem so long ago, God wrote Himself into the story and became that central character . Now the Weaver of the Story walks with us in the midst of the story…and He will stay with us, until that story is complete, in His way, in His time, for His glory…and that’s how come all is well. Remember?”

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,” says the Lord, “thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13

Take the time to worship today…and then read this story as a family if you can. Or click on the YouTube video and cozy up with your kiddos to watch the story unfold. My children are all grown up now, but I don’t think they will have forgotten. All is well…or can be. Remember that.

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

YouTube Video of original story All Is Well (1990) by Frank Peretti – book and audio CD no longer available. Illustrations by Robert Sauber

All Is Well: The Miracle of Christmas in July by Frank Peretti (2002) with illustrations by Gary Glover – this story is updated from the one above – with Daniel as our young hero, and his mom, Ruth – same great message of love, neighbors, and God’s faithfulness

YouTube Lyric Video of All Is Well by Michael W. Smith (featured in audiobook of All is Well above

YouTube Lyric Video of All Is Well sung by Carrie Underwood & Michael W. Smith (Spirit of Christmas Album)

For the long nights and heavy burdens – Jesus is coming.

PostScript – January 2, 2015 – Look what my daughter gave me for Christmas – she had the original book among her Christmas books for her 3rd grade class. Now I have them both again….

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Monday Morning Moment – Stewarding Our Influence Well

December 14, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: BPNews.net

Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ. – 1 Corinthians 11:1

We are all influencers in one way or another. How we steward our influence is strongly affected by those who have influenced us.

[This Monday morning moment has a spiritual bent, but the principles apply, whatever your belief system. It would be disingenuous for me to write about influence without including the impact of following Christ and Christ-followers in the mix. Thanks for your understanding of this.]

When I was in graduate school, my days were heavily committed to class time, clinical work, research and writing. Meeting with my thesis advisor was a regular “intrusion” into that schedule. For weeks, I would arrive late to our meetings, excusing myself always with some sort of “more important” fill-in-the-blank. Communicating “more important than our time together”. My advisor was one of the most gracious women I’ve ever known. She was always spot-on ready for our meeting, having read my latest submission, with her notes in hand. If ever I was “fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants”, it was with her.

Finally, one day, without warning, she nailed my tardiness for what it was…and I will never forget her for that. She taught me so much about professionalism and excellence in practice, but she taught me most in this area of honoring a colleague. I will always be grateful to Rose McGee for that.

Since those early years in my professional life, there have been many influencers in my life. Bosses, supervisors, coworkers. Some influencers had more celebrity status, but because they wrote for people like me, I soaked up their wisdom.Photo Credit: BPNews.net

Ben Kirksey recently wrote a short piece entitled Are You Worthy of Workplace Imitation?. It got me thinking of how my own workplace processes have changed because of those mentors, friends, and coaches in my life. 7 points of stewardship came to mind:

Time – We all have the same amount. Honoring others’ time does matter – being interruptible, not shortchanging people, keeping and being present in meetings. It’s a balancing act, but we want to be dependable and resourceful in this area.
Tweaking – only when absolutely necessary. Show you value others’ work. Give up control whenever possible. Whenever possible, trust their ownership of their work.
More questions/Less Advice – We jump to advice (or direction). Learning to ask thoughtful and compelling questions is a discipline worthy of our time and effort. Jesus was masterful at this.
Genuine Affirmation – To be truly known is such an empowering gift. General praise or cheery compliments are nothing compared with informed and specific affirmation. You affirm my thinking and hard work on a problem, and I will apply myself even more.
Building Capacity – Investing in others’ success at work while, at the same time, expecting the most out of yourself, builds capacity all around. This collective commitment to the work and each other delivers. Building capacity is a “both/and” arrangement. We can’t cast vision for it effectively, without digging in ourselves.
Leading by Influence – I have rarely enjoyed a position of authority…it is by influence that I have both learned and led in life. Authority has its own cross to bear in that the responsibility for return on investment sometimes interferes with relationships. Too bad, really. It’s through the relationships that we can see a greater return…as we steward influence.
Perspective – I will never forget a workplace story about a creative director and his lead creative. They rarely agreed. In fact, as the younger man tells the story, their discussions could become very heated over the direction of any given project. Then there would come a moment when his boss would say, something like, “Let’s get some coffee.” or “It’s lunch time, let’s grab a bite to eat.” No matter the seriousness of the conversations, this older man was able to bring relational perspective to bear. Their relationship was more valuable than any project decision. I daresay the work didn’t suffer from this perspective.

I am so grateful for those who have influenced my work. As mentioned before, they include some whom I have never met physically. The Apostles Paul and Peter, and Jesus himself teach us volumes on stewarding influence well.

Shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock. – 1 Peter 5:2-3

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. – Philippians 2:3-8

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:8-9

Do you have a story of an influencer in your life and how that person changed the way you work? I would love to hear it through the Comments below.

Are You Worthy of Workplace Imitation? by Ben Kirksey

The People Skills of Jesus by William Beausay II

The Management Methods of Jesus by Bob Briner