The state of contentment is on my mind this morning. From time to time, I’m moved to check my heart in this area, because being content can be a struggle. Contentment is NOT the same as resignation. In fact, it is far from it. Contentment can be defined as “the state of being mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are.”
During a season of emotional and spiritual discontent decades ago (which I wrote about here), my sweet husband introduced me to Jerry Bridges‘ book The Practice of Godliness. He had marked the chapter on contentment and gave the book to me on his way to work. Without judgment. Just love and concern. I read it right at that moment.
Bridges (now with the LORD) had this great gift of writing with such clarity and simplicity that we could soak up these truths with life-changing certainty. Thanks to Bridges’ gentle, humble writing, I didn’t take offense – “He doesn’t know what it’s like for me!” – and I learned afresh contentment in life. I am still learning.
In the book of Genesis, the very first sin of humankind was born out of discontent. Satan tempted Eve, and then Adam, with the idea that God was not good and didn’t not have their best interest in mind. His temptation wooed Eve into taking her life into her own hands, choosing to disobey God’s one command. Bridges wrote about the eroding nature of discontent in three areas – possessions, position/power, and the providence of God.
The Apostle Paul commented on how he had learned to be content in all things. He doesn’t give the secret of being content here, but in 2 Corinthians 12:9 as the foundation for his contentment.
Jerry Bridges gives the secret of living in humble and joyful contentment:
“This is the secret of being content: To learn and accept that 1) we live daily by God’s unmerited favor given through Christ, and that 2) we can respond to any and every situation by His divine enablement through the Holy Spirit.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes
If you struggle with discontent, with wanting life to be different than what it is right now, you would do well to read Jerry Bridges’ chapter on contentment. It brought me to my senses, for sure.
In honoring the impact this man has had on my life and thousands of others, I’d like to post some of his quotes. Learn from this dear brother even as he’s right now in the presence of God.
“Contentment is one of the most distinguishing traits of the Godly person, because a Godly person has his heart focused on God rather than on possessions or position or power.” – Jerry Bridges, LikeSuccess
“Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes
“Lord, I am willing To receive what You give. To lack what You withhold. To relinquish what You take, To suffer what You inflict, To be what You require.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes
“Grace is never cheap. It is absolutely free to us, but infinitely expensive to God… Anyone who is prone to use grace as a license for irresponsible, sinful behavior, surely does not appreciate the infinite price God paid to give us His grace.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes
“Every day that we’re not practicing godliness we’re being conformed to the world of ungodliness around us.” – Jerry Bridges, Top Famous Quotes
“One thing we may be sure of, however: For the believer all pain has meaning; all adversity is profitable. There is no question that adversity is difficult. It usually takes us by surprise and seems to strike where we are most vulnerable. To us it often appears completely senseless and irrational, but to God none of it is either senseless or irrational. He has a purpose in every pain He brings or allows in our lives. We can be sure that in some way He intends it for our profit and His glory.” – Jerry Bridges, AZ Quotes
Yesterday, I was taking a break and scrolled through Instagram until it stopped me in my tracks on how complaining can have a chronic negative impact on our health, and, in particular, on our brain. That didn’t surprise me, but I wanted to look further to test out what this influencer was reporting. You can look, too. Do an internet search on “complaining, cortisol, and the brain”. It is startling, but, again, not surprising.
Complaining is extraordinarily detrimental to brain health. In a way, it is also like “second-hand smoke” to those with whom you share it. When we complain, our brain responds by releasing cortisol. We need cortisol, the “stress” hormone, to alert us to possible danger and to stimulate an appropriate (hopefully) response to that danger. The problem with complaining is that it puts stress on a loud speaker when there was no need. Similar to how trauma rewires our brain to expect more trauma.
Venting feels good at the moment. It releases the internal pressure that is mentally building up from negative thinking. The dilemma with venting is two-fold – 1) it cements the wiring in the brain in the direction of negative, hopeless thinking, and 2) it activates/re-activates the same process in the caring hearer. Mind you, there is a positive, healthy venting that can take place if it is focused toward hopeful problem-solving and change. This can be life-giving to both persons.
[Side note: We need each other. We were made for community. Talking something out with people who love us is hugely important. There is a difference in lament and grumbling, or complaining and and acknowledging a hard thing, seeking help for forward movement.]
As one who is getting older and feeling the memory not as sharp and the tendency toward that “cup half empty”, curmudgeonly take on things…I wonder: when and how did it start?
When does analytical become contrarian? When does hopeful turn into doubtful? When does grateful turn into grumbly?
Do we just allow ourselves to turn into different people? Or do we take steps to stay (or become) joyful, engaged, unstoppable humans? People who others love to work with, serve with, spend time with.
A little over a year ago I wrote a blog on how complaining rewires our brains. If you know complaining is a struggle, please take the time to read this one piece (linked below). We may try to eat healthy, exercise, and rest aplenty – maybe there is one more thing we should consider:
Bottom line: Practice gratitude. Pause your thought process. Resist the urge to complain, rather reframing the complaint into positive action. Surround yourself with people who don’t complain, and, even make you laugh sometimes.
When you have more time or you want to consider steps toward positive brain health and a kinder, gentler handling of your life and circumstances, I have excerpted these from my other blogs on complaining and negative thinking:
Complaining Exposed – [From the Archives] When it comes to complaining, we all think of someone else who does it…not us. It is an irritating habit, and it only gets worse if unchecked. Poet writer Anne Peterson talks about complaining and how it flows out of 6 heart attitudes. Complaining reveals that:
We feel entitled.
We are impatient.
We hold on to resentment.
We compare ourselves to others.
We don’t think life is fair.
We are conformed to this world/culture.
Read her article for the particulars. Be prepared to rip the Bandaid (excuses) off your complaining.
Entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchukwrites about how his mom and wife seem to be incapable of complaining and it’s one of the things he loves about them: “Complaining has zero value. Looking at the negative, seeing the glass as half empty, and complaining are some of the biggest wastes of time a human being can engage in. Instead, tackle the problem head on. Assess it, see what you can do about it, and then do just that. ‘Woe is me’ is truly one of the biggest things that can stand in the way of success both professionally and personally.”
2. Beyond Grumpiness –[From the Archives] A friend of mine pointed this blog to me today and it bumped its way to the top of my Faves. English professor Alan Jacobs mused about the grumpiness of old people. I don’t know when it happens and why exactly it happens, but it is something that has happened to me of late…and I don’t think I’m old enough yet for it to happen.
Here’s a bit of what Dr. Jacobs says about grumpiness, but you should read his whole piece, especially if you’re finding yourself becoming grumpy (whatever age you are).
“I think the explanation for such widespread grumpiness is fairly simple…It’s not the big foul acts or horribly cruel words that do you in, it’s the slow drip drip drip of little annoyances that become over time a vast sea of frustration. Surely you’ve been there? You become exasperated by someone’s passing comment and when they are genuinely puzzled by your anger over so trivial a matter, you try to explain (apologetically, penitently, I hope) that it wouldn’t be a problem if this thing had happened once but it has happened a thousand times. It’s the repetition that kills you.” [Dr. Jacobs goes on to talk about the divisions on which we’ve taken sides give the sense of being new and revolutionary…and yet they are old divisions revisited.] “You can’t learn from the past if you don’t know what happened in it. So yeah, I’m gradually turning into a grumpy old man. Because nobody learns anything…” [About these things that divide us: We seem to care too much, or too little, or just plain not at all. Dr. Jacobs challenges us that only being truly loving people gives us the right to voice an opinion, and definitely not a shaming one.] “It’s a hard path to walk, this Way of avoiding both indifference and ‘the conscious impotence of rage at human folly.’ But the hard path is the only real Way. (All the others circle back on themselves.) So I try every day to follow it. I don’t think I could manage even that if I did not have an Advocate to accompany me, to encourage me, and to guide me.” – Alan Jacobs, Beyond Grumpiness
3. Without Grumbling – [From the Archives] Which comes first – anger or grumbling? Or is it a more subtle but growing discontent? When does occasional complaining settle into a set habit of grumbling? What does grumbling communicate to our own minds and to others within hearing?
I’ve written plenty on complaining, grumbling, and negative thinking (see links below). It can absolutely change the wiring in our brains. In my younger years, I always looked for the good and the beautiful in a person/situation…and I found it. Now, as an older person, my temptation is more toward darker thinking. This is NOT where I want to stay.
Below is a beautiful bit of writer Trevin Wax‘s post on grumbling and joy (it is geared toward Christians but there is wisdom for all of life here).
“In Philippians 2:6–11, Paul commands the church to adopt the same mind of our risen Lord. And his first command is, “Don’t grumble.”
“Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.” (Philippians 2:14–15)
Why start with grumbling? We might expect an exhortation to spiritual disciplines, or strategies for thriving as pure and faultless people in a sinful world. And yes, Paul does speak about blamelessness and purity and holding firm to the word of life (Philippians 2:16). But this purity in action is somehow connected to the first command to do everything without grumbling. Somehow, grumbling will keep us from faithfulness.
Why start here? Because Paul knows the story of Israel.
Remember the children of Israel? They chose grumbling over gratitude. Grumbling stalled their journey and led to actions that were anything but “blameless and innocent.”
Whether we are given suffering, chains, imprisonment, or worse (Hebrews 11:36–38), or whether we conquer kingdoms, stop the mouths of lions, escape the sword, and put armies to flight (Hebrews 11:33–34), we must know that only joy in and gratitude to Jesus will win the war for our culture…Yes, we may face obstacles, setbacks, and tough days ahead. But in it all, and under it all, we are also joyful. And this cheerful courage comes not from ignoring darkness or looking only for the bright side, but from believing that the Light will overcome the dark.
Do you want to shine like stars? Then do everything without grumbling.” –
4.Breaking Out of Negative Thinking – [From the Archives] I first wrote about negative thinking six years ago (that blog linked below). Since then we have come through COVID 2020, great racial unrest and social upheaval, contentious election cycles, ongoing wars, and a downturn in our economy. Lots to think negatively about with good reason, but if we’re not careful we will begin gearing our thinking in that direction to the detriment of our mental and relational health.
The team at Daily Health Post focused on complaining as a culprit that can actually cause our brains to default to anxiety and depression. From experience, I know this is true.
They prescribe the following to flip the damaging habit of complaining:
“Be grateful: Find something to be grateful for everyday. If you keep a journal, write down 3 things you are grateful for every morning and every night.
If you start to feel anxious or pessimistic, pause a minute and write them down again. If it’s too hard, write down 5 or even 10 new things you’re grateful for. By the end of the exercise, you’ll feel much happier and fulfilled.
Catch yourself: Don’t wait for your friends or family to tell you you’re complaining, pay attention to your thoughts and words.
If you’re complaining, quickly shift your energy to find solutions and lessons to be learned. Afterwards, treat yourself will a nice cup of tea for the effort!
Change your mood: If you feel overwhelmed and negative, remove yourself from whatever you’re doing and shift your state of mind. If you’re home, sit down with your favorite book and cook up a tasty treat. If you’re at work, go to the washroom or break room for a few minutes and listen your favorite song.
Breathe deeply and close your eyes, paying attention to every word. Hold onto that relaxing feeling and carry it with you throughout the day.
Practice wise effort: Wise effort is the practice of letting go of anything that doesn’t serve you. If your worry won’t improve your situation or teach you a lesson, simply let it go and move on.
This is much easier said then done, of course, but if you write it out, ask friends for advice, and take some time to think it through constructively, it really can be done.“
[Just a bit over a year ago, I wrote a blog entitled “Contempt – the Cold Killer of Hearts and Humanity”. It is such a prevalent emotion/thought process these days, I wanted to update that piece and re-post.]
Ah…contempt. It is defined as a strong negative emotion that joins disgust and disrespect. If we are honest, we have all experienced contempt, either for someone else, or a group of someones…or we’ve experienced the contempt of another towards us.
Contempt is a harsh response…a cold killer of hearts and relationships.
When we express contempt, it is usually in conversation with those who agree with us…about someone else. Rarely do we have the person(s) toward which we feel contempt in front of us. We don’t engage them as much as we complain about them. We hold some in contempt because of their beliefs or actions, and our temptation is to have nothing to do with them. We may view this as a strength, but (as I’ve heard said), “an unguarded strength is a double weakness.”
In a quick summary on contempt (in case you don’t want to read more in depth below), we would never think of ourselves as having contempt of another (or a group of people), but the signs are in our speech and attitudes. No matter how much we think we cover it, others can tell we lack love and respect (even exhibiting hatred). Contempt not only separates us from others but also makes it hard to reconcile. The dark thoughts of condemnation, suspicion, and mistrust are present under the surface. To remove the force of contempt, we must check our hearts. Acknowledge that any compassion we may have is conditional…we withhold love based on the other’s behavior. It is a lose-lose situation. How we can move toward actual reconciliation, or at least stepping toward a more healthy relationship is to be humble. We have a part in any contemptuous relationship. We each have a part. When we lean in, without expectation of the other person, and show curiosity as to how they are, we give grace. We make space for that person to lean in, as well. Refusing to think ill of another person, no matter what happened in the past, opens the door to genuine caring. It can be the start of healing.
What follows comes from my blog of a year ago. It speaks volumes on how to avoid contempt in two main areas: politics and marriage. However, the counsel given could be applied broadly to families, neighbors, coworkers, etc. There is wisdom here…in any situation where we feel the cold, hate-birthing emotion of contempt…which does harm to our relationships and our own heart.
“Knowing our weakness, dividing leaders on both the left and right seek power and fame by setting American against American, brother against brother, compatriot against compatriot. These leaders assert that we must choose sides, then argue that the other side is wicked—not worthy of any consideration—rather than challenging them to listen to others with kindness and respect. They foster a culture of contempt.” – Arthur C. Brooks, Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save Our Country From the Culture of Contempt
Contempt is something I’d like to annihilate in my own thinking, and thankfully there are helps. Below you will find two thought leaders who have worked to expose contempt for what it truly is and does to us, and who have given us counsel on how to recognize it and rid ourselves of it. Author and academician Arthur Brooks and clinical psychologist John Gottman.
How do we confront contempt?
Arthur Brooks’5 Rules to Counter Contempt
1. Refuse to be used by the powerful. – “The accurate image of a powerful manipulator is someone on your side of the debate: a media figure who always affirms your views, a politician who always says what you think, or a professor who never challenges your biases. They declare the other side is terrible, irredeemable, unintelligent or anything else that expresses contempt — and they say you should think these things as well.” Brooks encourages us to tune out that person “on our side” who seeks to manipulate us, whatever the reason. Then (this is the harder part), we are to call out contemptuous behavior among those with whom we agree (our friends and maybe family). Contempt tears us down, and we don’t want that for ourselves or those we love.
2. Escape your bubble. – “The culture of contempt is sustained by polarization and separation. It is easy to express contempt for those with whom we disagree when we view them as “them” or never see them at all. Contempt is much harder to express when we see one another as fellow human beings, as “us.”” We do well to make opportunities to share space and conversation with people not like us. Seek to understand and look for ways we are alike.
3. Treat others with love and respect, even when it’s difficult. – “Never treat others with contempt, even if you believe they deserve it. First, your contempt makes persuasion impossible, because no one has ever been insulted into agreement. Second, you may be wrong to assume that certain people are beyond reason. There are many examples of people forming unlikely bonds precisely because they didn’t treat each other with contempt.” Sometimes we are the ones toward which contempt is aimed. If we have offended, then we can apologize. Raising an issue higher than the value of the person doesn’t take us anywhere positive.
4. Be part of a healthy competition of ideas. – “I believe disagreement is good because competition is good. As in politics and economics, competition — bounded by rule of law and morality — brings excellence. In the world of ideas, competition is called “disagreement.” Disagreement helps us innovate, improve, correct and find the truth. Of course, disagreement — like free markets and free elections — requires proper behavior to function.”The goal is not to disagree less but to disagree better, notes Brooks.
5. Disconnect from unproductive debates. – “Get rid of curated social media feeds. Unfollow public figures who foment contempt. Want to get really radical? Stop talking and thinking about politics for a little while. Do a politics cleanse. For two weeks — maybe during your next vacation — resolve not to read, watch or listen to anything about politics. Don’t discuss politics with anyone. This will be hard to do but not impossible.” This exercise will reveal how much of your life and mental energy is wasted, allowing you to refocus on people you truly love and work/play that matter more than those things you probably won’t be able to change. – Arthur Brooks, Sick of the Culture of Contempt? Here are 5 Ways You Can Subvert It
Another exceptional thinker and clinician is Dr. John Gottman, psychologist and professor. His focus is primarily on marriages and individual mental health within relationships. The Four Horsemen is a metaphor pointing toward end-times. Dr. Gottman uses the same metaphor in describing four elements of communication, any one of which can predict the demise of a marriage (or any other relationship). These elements are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Each has an antidote.
Contempt is much more mean-spirited than criticism. It communicates a measure of cold superiority over the one being criticized. Gottman isn’t talking about a political stand or a point of contention over culture or morality. He is concentrating on the relationship between two people, usually being a married couple.
“Contempt, simply put, says, “I’m better than you. And you are lesser than me.” [It] is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about one’s partner, and it arises in the form of an attack on someone’s sense of self. Inevitably, contempt leads to more conflict—particularly dangerous and destructive forms of conflict—rather than to reconciliation. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with them and that you’re condescending and acting as their superior.”
Gottman prescribes two antidotes for contempt in the marriage relationship – one short-term and the other more long-term:
First, the person feeling contempt toward the other would do well to name the emotions that rise to the top during a conflict. Express these emotions to your spouse without blaming, and appeal for help with a solution. “I am sad that we don’t have friends over. Could we talk about a way forward on this?” Or “I get worried when the bills pile up. Can we talk about what we can do to stay within budget?”
Second, Gottman suggests establishing (or re-building) a home culture of fondness and admiration for each other. This is a discipline that may take some strong determination, but it is doable. In fact, I have go-to Bible verses (Revelation 2:4-5) that help me immensely during those dry times in my own marriage. It speaks about what to do when we have lost our first love (for God and each other). Essentially, the instruction is to remember how it was in the beginning, repent/return, and repeat the actions/emotions/intentions that came naturally when the relationship was new. We don’t have to feel the fondness or admiration at first, but as we practice them, they can be restored. Among many tools, Dr. Gottman uses the instrument below to kick-start the process as the spouse chooses three descriptors and then gives examples of those to the other person.
Contempt is deceptive. It feels so good to think we are right, and yet in the practice of contempt, we become more isolated and less engaged in real community. Only preferring people who think like we do. At some point, our competencies will be impacted because our problem-solving shrinks down to just judging others and determining they aren’t worth our time. We miss learning from them, and we miss the possibility of genuinely understanding them, even loving them.
Having faced contempt myself, It has brought me to a “come to Jesus” moment. I don’t want to hold contempt for anyone, no matter how different they are, no matter what wrongs they have done. I want to figure out how to stay engaged with people…such that “if [I] can’t move mountains, [maybe I can] move a stone”.*
Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives,but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them.As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.
“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery.The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”
They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”– John 8:1-11
Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with [Jesus].And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left.And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!”But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation?And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.”And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.” – Luke 23:32-34, 39-43
The Bible is filled with accounts of people in desperate situations. Too many alone in circumstances they can’t seem to escape. Maybe some of us have known that kind of isolation, self-hatred, hopelessness. Singer, songwriter Matthew West brings these people, these lost and wounded ones, into the light. Into the light of God’s love…and ours, if we don’t turn away. “Mended” is West’s speaking forth the Gospel of Christ over brokenness…as if Jesus is speaking to the wounded one, through the lyrics of the song.
[Chorus] When you see broken beyond repair I see healing beyond belief When you see too far gone I see one step away from home When you see nothing but damaged goods I see something good in the making I’m not finished yet When you see wounded, I see mended
[Verse 1] How many times can one heart break? It was never supposed to be this way Look in the mirror, but you find someone You never thought you’d be Oh, but I can still recognize The one I love in your tear stained eyes I know you might not see him now So lift your eyes to me
[Chorus] When you see broken beyond repair I see healing beyond belief When you see too far gone I see one step away from home When you see nothing but damaged goods I see something good in the making I’m not finished yet When you see wounded, I see mended
[Verse 2] You see your worst mistake But I see the price I paid And there’s nothing you could ever do To lose what grace has won So hold on, it’s not the end No, this is where love’s work begins I’m making all things new And I will make a miracle of you
[Chorus] When you see broken beyond repair I see healing beyond belief When you see too far gone I see one step away from home When you see nothing but damaged goods I see something good in the making I’m not finished yet When you see wounded, I see mended
[Bridge] I see my child, my beloved The new creation you’re becoming You see the scars from when you fell But I see the stories they will tell You see worthless, but I see priceless You see pain, but I see a purpose You see unworthy, undeserving But I see you through eyes of mercy
[Chorus] When you see broken beyond repair I see healing beyond belief You’re not too far gone You’re one step away from home When you see nothing but damaged goods I see something good in the making I’m not finished yet, no When you see wounded, I see mended
[Outro] Oh, I see mended Woah, oh I see mended I’m not finished yet When you see wounded, I see mended*
In closing, I’d like to shine a light on a young Christian man who is shining light on persons broken by addiction in the Kensington area of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Mal Love is a filmmaker and he is capturing stories of these people, on the streets, prisoners of their addictions. He brings a Godly dignity to them and shows genuine care for them. Talking to them, filming their stories, asking what they need and doing what he can to provide (food, beverages, pillows, recovery helps). He has even administered Narcan when encountering someone who’d overdosed. You can see and hear these stories every day as he goes out onto the streets – on Instagram, Facebook, or his YouTube channel. Mal gives us the opportunity to look into faces of people Jesus loves and pray for them. Whew!
1) Beyond the Guitar’s “Superman” – John Murphy composed the stunning soundtrack for the 2025 big-screen edition of “Superman”. His treatment of the iconic theme (originally composed by John Williams) is absolutely gorgeous. Listen to his version of “Raising the Flag”here.
Then…sit back and listen to Nathan Mills at Beyond the Guitar perform his arrangement of this incredible theme on classical guitar. One instrument. Played with the heart and skill of a musician who does beautiful justice to a magnificent orchestral piece of work. So good!
2) Rachel Haack on Hope in Family Estrangement – Whether we are in the midst of a family estrangement or we know someone estranged from family members, it’s safe to say that none of us are untouched by family estrangement. It seems a part, an accepted part of our culture today. I just saw the Instagram reel below on therapist Rachel Haack’s page. It gave me hope – hearing sanity in what feels like a crazy hard relational world.
[Rachel Haack and her family – 5 girls and her husband – Facebook]
Instagram – Reel describing Rachel Haack’s bold prescription to replace the family member descriptors of “emotionally immature, boomer, toxic, dehumanizaion” with the actions/goals of “respect, compassion, understanding, and collaboration”.
Setting boundaries in painful relationships may feel like a necessary safety maneuver, but too often those boundaries become deadends. No way forward really and the years go by. I so appreciate Haack’s measured and gentle approach to reconciliation in difficult family situations. Below are excellent resources, including one podcast with Joshua Coleman, author of Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict.
3) lluminators – How to Know a Person – I bought this book “How to Know a Person” after reading author David Brooks‘ guest blog on Ann Voskamp‘s website (linked below).
I’m not sure if it was after the 9/11 attacks or exactly when the cultural phenomenon began, but people seem not to look in people’s faces so much. There’s a disinterest, or lack of curiosity, or maybe even guarding. We feel it might be intrusive to ask questions, and for sure there are unhelpful questions. However, to be truly curious about someone, to want to know someone deeply, is a beautiful and honoring thing.
Below you will find two quotes from Brooks’ book. In the blog above and the book as well, he talks about being illuminators. Shining a light on someone. Not in an negative, exposing way but in a way that draws out who they really are and how amazing they are.
“When you’re practicing Illuminationism, you’re offering a gaze that says, “I want to get to know you and be known by you.” It’s a gaze that positively answers the question everybody is unconsciously asking themselves when they meet you: “Am I a person to you? Do you care about me? Am I a priority for you?” The answers to those questions are conveyed in your gaze before they are conveyed by your words. It’s a gaze that radiates respect. It’s a gaze that says that every person I meet is unique, unrepeatable, and, yes, superior to me in some way. Every person I meet is fascinating on some topic. If I approach you in this respectful way, I’ll know that you are not a puzzle that can be solved but a mystery that can never be gotten to the bottom of. I’ll do you the honor of suspending judgment and letting you be as you are.” – How To Know a Person – The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen – David Brooks
“The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well: disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.” – How To Know a Person – The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen – David Brooks
Brooks talks about being a witness, about giving attention. I love that!
He reminds me of psychiatrist Curt Thompson MD who writes and often talks about compassion and curiosity. I’ve written lots about Curt and his wisdom on mental and relational health. He, like David Brooks, encourages us to give our attention to those around us. It’s part of the beauty of life.
4) 30 Habits with Massive Returns in Life – I’m all about habit formation. Not saying I’m great at developing healthy habits, but I love the science of habits including New Year’s resolutions. Author Justin Whitmel Earley has written two excellent books on habit formation and a third for children (on sibling relationships) entitled TheBig Mess. Earley’s websites (The Common Rule and Habits of the Household) have great free resources as well on habit formation. For today’s Friday Fave, I’m just posting this little graphic on 30 habits with big returns…how many have you already formed? It’s not a race though…choose a habit and begin there.
5) 45 Life Lessons – Here is another list, not of habits but life lessons. They are written by author and cancer survivor Regina Brett of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio, and have been widely reprinted.
“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.
Here is the column once more:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don’t worry, God never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19.. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.” – Facebook
Post in Comments any lessons that you particularly appreciate.
Instagram – Reel – Jonathan Haidt on slow Dopamine – holding off social media – see his caption screenshot below. [Also below is the full podcast on this topic – Dr. Haidt starts at 8:14.]
Celebrities acting like average Joes, a wholesome thread 🧵
1. The fact that a random couple ran into Keanu Reeves in a hotel lobby, invited him to their wedding, and he put on a suit and joined is proof he really is The One. pic.twitter.com/a3DGRDiC70
Yet they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and in the stubbornness of their evil heart, and went backward and not forward. – Jeremiah 7:24
“They are darkened in their understanding and alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart.” – Ephesians 4:18
For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it. – Hebrews 2:1
“Blessed is the one who always trembles before God, but whoever hardens their heart falls into trouble.” – Proverbs 28:14
Unbelief is a dangerous state of being. Rather than take a disturbing or confusing situation, and dig into prayer, Bible study, and reasoning with other believers…we are tempted to take our own counsel. We are drawn to a lesser gospel which “allows” for us to come out on top or to be right and the other is wrong. We want to be comfortable, justified, without sin.
Recently, we were blessed to be in a long conversation with a young family member who is struggling with a theological matter. He has studied long on this issue and can’t wrap his mind around it. Is that unbelief? I don’t think so. His heart is earnest toward the Lord. He wants to know what is true, and he wants to believe what God is saying. As we grapple over this, continue to study, and pray, I believe God will give him enough understanding that faith will take him the rest of the way…wherever he lands. He wants to believe and God will reveal what He needs to know.
What’s scary is those who choose unbelief as their only recourse…their only way forward in our post-Christian culture. Those, even in the church, who refuse to bend to the teaching of Christ…it’s enough to be moral, to be nice, to be ____________ (whatever our culture says is correct).
I knew a man once, a beloved brother, in the church where I grew up. He stopped coming to church after a long season of perceived faithfulness. His reason? He said he felt so burdened by what he had already learned and known about God that he didn’t want to risk being held responsible for any more knowledge of God!!!!!
Tragic.
Yet do we sometimes struggle with that ourselves? Being a part of church but having false beliefs…shutting our ears to what we hope not to have to obey. Or walking away from the church because of the same hardening of heart and refusing to believe.
“…is true Christianity only to be measured by what I believe, or also by how I live? Functional Christianity is when your confession impacts your way of life — you are functioning in accordance with your confession that Jesus is Lord. If Jesus is the reigning Lord of heaven and earth, then discipleship (true Christianity) is measured not simply by what I believe, but by how I live my life in relation to the rule of Jesus. In other words, the gospel should impact every area of my life.” – John H. Armstrong, Functional Christianity
A hardened heart has lost its desire to obey the Lord. Oh that we would never allow our hearts to be so far from Him as to not be able to hear His voice. He is always calling us back to Himself. Believe Him…trust Him…and obey. What freedom and beauty we have in this life with Him!
Worship with me to singer/songwriter Blessing Offor‘s heart-gripping call for us to believe. Not just in God’s Word but in His love as well. No matter what.
So You catch me when I fall, right? And You hear me when I call cryin’ And You fix me when I’m broke, right? And that’s all I need to know So the storm is gonna break right? And the sun is gonna start shining And everything is gonna go right And that’s all I need to know
But what if You know something I don’t? What if You will something I won’t? If You don’t give me what I want But You give me what I need Is that enough to…
Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love? Will I still Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love?
So nothing’s ever going wrong, right? And every day I’m gonna be smiling Turned my water into good wine And let the good times roll
But what if You know something I don’t? What if You will something I won’t? If You don’t give me what I want But You give me what I need Is that enough to…
Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love? Will I still Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love? Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love Will I still Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love?
Do I want You? Do I want You? Do I want You or what You can do for me? Do I love You? Do I love You? Do I love You or what You can do for me? Sometimes I don’t know But all I wanna do is
Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love (Yes, I do) Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love (All I wanna do, all I wanna do is believe) Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love (Yes, I do) Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love (Believe in Your love) Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love (Yes, I believe) Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love (I believe, I believe, I believe) Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love (In Your love, in Your love, in Your love) Believe, believe, believe, believe in Your love*
““Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” – Mark 9:24b
“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord; and they shall be my people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart.” – Jeremiah 24:7
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:26-27
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Jesus – Matthew 11:28-30
“Everyone the Father gives me will come to me, and the one who comes to me I will never cast out.” – Jesus – John 6:37
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:31-32
We are created in the image of God. Astounding fact! That means we are hard-wired for goodness and beauty, love and creativity, mercy and justice. Our problem then? Sin. From the beginning, sin has seeded our nature with self-serving and the warped sense that we belong to ourselves not to the God who knows and loves us perfectly. Apart from surrendering ourselves to His lordship, we attempt to live fragmented with bits of His DNA at work in us but far from what He had in mind for us…far from the freedom we can have in Christ’s forgiveness.
This brings us to the beautiful story Jesus told of the prodigal son. In this parable, Jesus brings into focus the lives and relationships of three men – a father and his two sons. The younger son rejected the life his father had for him and chose to sever himself from him. He asked for his inheritance and his father let him go to what would become a life of debauchery…living loosely on the means he did not earn, except by his lineage from his father. The older son stayed with his father, serving him (and tending his own future) as before. The father was heart-broken, and, although it isn’t written, maybe the older son went looking for the younger son to bring him back home. Or maybe he did not. We don’t know. Once the money ran out, the younger son found himself alone and hungry, without relationship or worth. Shame and regret were his only companions. He decided to return to his father asking for his mercy. Was he truly contrite and repentant – we can’t know his heart. He for sure wanted relief from the constant distress he endured, consequence of his poor choices. As he came, his father recognized him, from far off, as if he never stopped looking for his return. The father came running to receive him, welcoming him back home. The older brother? Not so much. In his own self-righteousness, the older brother did not rejoice, even when it pained his father’s heart that he had such a response. Being a good father has its own anguish, and we should always remember that in our love for God and in our treatment of those He loves.
Singer, songwriter Brandon Lake just released his latest single “Daddy’s DNA”. It’s a beautiful, honest confession of a prodigal (most likely some of which is Lake’s own story).
I thought the world had something special I was missing My daddy told me not to chase it, I didn’t listen I fell downhill a mile a minute Before I knew it, I was livin’ In a pig sty a long, long way from home
I went runnin’ like a rebel Racked up debts I couldn’t pay I went dancing with the devil With one foot in the grave How the Heaven did I get here? Went and threw it all away All I’ve given You was trouble All You’ve given me was grace
And the freedom I was chasing felt like prison Lord, I’ve done so many things, wish I didn’t And after all the risky business Could I ever be forgiven? I’m afraid to even ask to come back home
‘Cause I went runnin’ like a rebel Racked up debts I couldn’t pay I went dancing with the devil With one foot in the grave How the Heaven did I get here? Went and threw it all away All I’ve given You was trouble All You’ve given me is grace Given me was grace
When I sobered up, and came back to my senses I was too far gone to make up all the distance I gambled all that I’d been given I was broke, alone and wishing That I could turn around and go back home When I heard the sound of footsteps down the road
And You came runnin’ like a rebel Paid off debts I couldn’t pay You went dancing with the devil Sent that liar to his grave How the Heaven did I get here? Where every sin has been erased All I’ve given You was trouble All You’ve given me is grace
There was something in the marrow Always coursing through my veins Buried deeper than the rubble Is My Daddy’s DNA*
I love this song. The bridge (or benediction?) at the end really gave me pause. We do have the Lord’s DNA in us…what we do with that has eternal consequence. Either we think it is really our DNA and we can live our lives for ourselves, our own ambition and pleasure, and our own perceived destinies…or we recognize Whose we are and what we need to do to alter course and take on the life we were meant to have. That is where joy and freedom really lie. To recognize the prodigal nature in all of us and to return Home to a Father who came for us, in Jesus, and continues to come for us through the Holy Spirit at work in our lives.
My prayer is that His DNA is on beautiful display in all who call Him Father.
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. – Genesis 50:20
When they had carried out all that was written about Him, they took Him down from the tree and laid Him in a tomb. But God raised Him from the dead. – Acts 13:29-30
But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8
“All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)” – Ephesians 2:3-5
Life has a certain un-doing about it that we run up against if we’re not vigilant. A move to seek the approval of others. A falling into the sin of satisfying self – whatever form that takes. A selfish ambition. A hidden sin or invisible shame that draws us away from community. A vengeance on someone we think we deserve. A violence enacted against ourselves or another. An appearance of Godliness we come to think is enough and believable. A grace withheld. A professed forgiveness but without fruit.
But God! These are not nothing to Him, but God is all-powerful in confronting them. Our sin does not surprise Him, nor are His purposes thwarted by them. He continues to draw us back to Himself. His Spirit guides us to live in the light and exposes the sins and deceit that come between us and the Lord.
We may wonder at how victory is possible in light of our past (or present even). Yet, it is better to reckon with how sin has shaped us than to deny its power. When we deny the scope of our sin, then we downplay God’s holiness and sacrifice to forgive us our sin. Also, when we live in shame over our past, we do the same. We live in functional disbelief that God is able to wholly forgive us and even bring good and glory out of our past (Romans 8:28).
Jesus looked straight at them and said, “There are some things people cannot do, but God can do anything.” – Matthew 19:26
Recently, we sang a new song in worship at Movement Church. It was “Oh But God” by singer, songwriter Davy Flowers. It pierced my heart with joy to be reminded of how far God was willing to come to save me. Even knowing me and what sin I was capable of, He loved me still. He knew what HE was capable of in transforming me into the image of Jesus. Glory! Glory to His name!
I was buried beneath my rebellion Lost without hope of redemption Blind to my need for a Savior Oh but God
Crushed by the weight of my failure Living the lie I created Digging my grave without knowing Oh but God, oh but God
[Chorus] Rich in mercy, how He loves me Too much to let me stay lost My salvation sent from Heaven Nailing my sin to a cross Oh but God
You gave me a truth worth believing And I traded my chains for Your freedom ‘Cause You were the One that I needed Oh but God
Resurrected my heart from the ruins And my rеscue came through like thе morning And now this is my sure testimony Oh but God, oh but God
[Chorus] Rich in mercy, how He loves me Too much to let me stay lost My salvation sent from Heaven Nailing my sin to a cross Oh but God
[Bridge] All the wreckage of my choices You have turned to life from ashes Lifted from death, risen with Him Now I stand in confidence And I know that all the wreckage of my choices You have turned to life from ashes Lifted from death and risen with Him Now I stand in confidence, oh
[Chorus] Rich in mercy, how He loves me Too much to let me stay lost My salvation sent from Heaven Nailing my sin to a cross, oh, You are Rich in mercy, how You love me Too much to let me stay lost My salvation sent from Heaven Nailing my sin to a cross Oh but God, oh but God
Following is a brief history of how choosing and exploring a word for the year became a habit for me starting in 2020. If you want, just skip down to the highlighted start of 2025 that takes you to this year.
In 2020 (the year of COVID), I read Debbie Macomber‘s book One Perfect Word. She tells fascinating stories of persons’ choosing a word to guide their year. Finishing her book and praying a bit, the word compassion became my focus. 2021 was a good year for that as we dealt with so many divisions over COVID, race, politics, etc. Compassion for all on both sides of each issue.
At first I wasn’t going to do “a word” for 2022, and then a rapid series of “coincidences” drew me to the word: joy. As that year ended, I had become negative and even a bit cynical. Still having faith in God but not so much in humans, including myself. Even after a year of compassion!!
Then 2023 followed, and I chose the word “wonder”. It was inspired by my study of Dr. Curt Thompson’s books. He encourages a pursuit of mental health and healing including staying “in the path of oncoming beauty”. This focus on wonder – in searching out beauty in the context of community and a loving God – brought me through a year tougher than I imagined it would be.
Then at the end of 2023, I’d been lamenting being older (i.e. weaker, more frail). Having lost 2 inches in stature (just in the years of pounding on my vertebra) also made me feel small. I’ve decided to push back against the weakness and seemingly diminished nature of getting older. After all, what does that even mean?! I’m not that old. Right?
In Joshua 14, Caleb was 85 years old. He gives a beautiful and faith-filled declaration: “I am still as strong today as I was on the day Moses sent me; as my strength was then, so my strength is now, for war and for going out and coming in. Now then, give me this hill country about which the Lord spoke on that day, for you heard on that day that Anakim (giants) were there, with great fortified cities; perhaps the Lord will be with me, and I will drive them out just as the Lord has spoken.” [Joshua 14:11-12.]
Talking to Dave (that husband of mine), he commented that Caleb had that strength for which I was longing because he had “a different spirit in him” (Numbers 14:24). Whereas the 10 spies and the Israelites influenced by them were driven by a spirit of fear, Caleb was filled by the Spirit of God. In his determination to obey and follow wholeheartedly, his faith emboldened him. He demonstrated strength physically, mentally, and spiritually.
He would not be defined by age, aptitude, or ability…but by the great and gracious God he sought to serve. That’s what I have longed for in this year soon to be ending. To be strong. In all ways possible. Including strong in my love for God and others. This can only be mine if nested in being filled with the very Spirit of God.
Ironically, or not so much with the Lord, I have struggled with even more physical weakness (a painful and limiting hip pain) but not without working toward being strong again. Months ago, in choosing “strong” as the word for this year, God knew. In this season still, I am reminded of His goodness. “For when I am weak (and it will happen), then His strength is manifested perfectly and completely!” (2 Corinthians 12:10)
These last days of December 2024, I have pondered what word would be a fixed point for this coming year. New Year’s resolutions and habit formation are both great helps for my slightly scattered brain. This Word of the Year exercise (which will span the next year) has also been a tremendous help.
The word “trust” has come to mind, in my times in the Word, in recent conversations, and in circumstances beyond my control. “Trust” – whew! That word has always been troubling for me. I think we put too much importance on trusting people – we will all disappoint and fail each other. It happens. Will I put that same bias on God, or can I treat Him as He is and as the Trustworthy One He reveals Himself to be?
Trust – Why Trust matters – Psychology Today – Trusting others and being trustworthy matter, but human trust is flawed and has to be handled with some measure of understanding and grace.
The object of our trust can’t be on people but on God. He alone will not disappoint. He alone will always keep His promises.
Praying to trust God more seems to carry the same human-borne threat of praying for patience. Yikes! We want more patience but not the sorts of experiences that will bring it. Is God drawing me to focus on trust in 2025 because I’m going to need it more? No…refusing to think there would be any negative outcome with trusting God more. It is a beautiful thing and He is worthy.
Just yesterday Dave and I talked about trust and what it means. He defined it as having confidence that someone (including God, of course) will be who he/she says they are and will do what they say they will do. Again, as humans, we don’t always prove to be trust-worthy…and we apply grace, not unforgiveness. But God!!! We can have complete confidence in Him. Complete trust.
“The biblical definition of trust goes beyond mere belief or reliance. It involves a complete surrender and reliance on God, knowing that He is faithful and will fulfill His promises. Trust, according to biblical definition, is the means of putting aside our own understanding and leaning on God’s wisdom and guidance. It means acknowledging that God’s ways are higher than our ways and trusting that He is in control of all things. Trust requires us to have faith, to believe in the unseen and to confidently depend on God’s faithfulness. It is an unwavering assurance that God is trustworthy and will never fail us. This biblical concept of trust is not just a casual belief, but an active and intentional decision to place our confidence in God alone.” – Daniel, Prayer Warrior – Bible Definition Of Trust (How The Lord Defines Trusting Him)– Read the whole article!
I am going to turn my heart toward trusting God in 2025 for small and big things – for situations only He can move toward healing and wholeness. For the prodigals in my life. For a family rift that continues unchanged since 2020. For salvation for some dear friends (and family) I love deeply (and God loves more). For direction in moment-by-moment turns in life (eyes on Him instead of my own faulty decision-making). For grace to trust He is creating beauty even in and through me. Finally, trusting God for all those previous word lessons He has begun in my life to continue to grow into maturity – compassion, joy, wonder, and strength.
Have you made any errors in judgment lately? Did your judgment lead you to attitudes or actions that you would later regret? I have, maybe not as of yet this morning, but definitely yesterday. Some folks are more accomplished at shrugging them off and moving on. I over-think them, and sometimes beat myself up for them. Not always correcting course, as in taking responsibility, apologizing, and making amends.
Ugh!
Fortunately, I have folks in my life who allow me to process these mistakes and determine the best way forward. Both inside my own head and in relationship with others. Community (i.e. caring accountability) is a wonderful thing.
The graphic above is taken from an article written by Debbie Hampton, this brilliant woman who is also a suicide survivor – talk about a person who took a dark turn in her decision-making and managed to come out the other side in a much better place.
She talks about taking the mistakes we make and dealing with them with forgiveness, kindness, and compassion. We don’t have to be bound by our regret of decisions made. We can reframe our memories and can hopefully extend grace, both to ourselves and others. As we shake off the negative and explore what we can learn, a mental shift and positive action plan are possible. Turning our regrets into lessons.
One discipline in decision-making is to assess how it is we are prone to find ourselves, again and again, in situations that cause hurt to ourselves and others.
Psychologist Carrie Steckl writes about three errors that can affect our decision-making:
Representativeness bias – our tendency to judge a situation based on our predominate experiences and beliefs about the situation.
Availability bias – our tendency to make decisions based on what is most familiar to us, whether it is the best choice for us or not.
Confirmatory bias – our tendency to make an early judgment and listen only to information that validates that judgment.
This was really helpful for me, because I can default to negative thinking, rather than taking charge and turning a situation around. This comes out of habit, and I want to change that habit.
For the moment, still reeling from how my afternoon was derailed yesterday with mistaken decision-making, I want to focus on the importance of moving regrets into life lessons. Habit formation is key, undergirded by three elements: consistency, intensity, and community. Entrepreneur and motivational speaker Sahil Bloom gives a simple yet profound way to approach habit formation:
This is where I am today. How about you? Any regrets? Let’s determine to turn the corner on these by making some simple, thoughtful changes in our mental maps and resultant actions.
