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Monday Morning Moment – Stewarding Our Influence Well

December 14, 2015 admindeb Leave a comment

Photo Credit: BPNews.net

Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ. – 1 Corinthians 11:1

We are all influencers in one way or another. How we steward our influence is strongly affected by those who have influenced us.

[This Monday morning moment has a spiritual bent, but the principles apply, whatever your belief system. It would be disingenuous for me to write about influence without including the impact of following Christ and Christ-followers in the mix. Thanks for your understanding of this.]

When I was in graduate school, my days were heavily committed to class time, clinical work, research and writing. Meeting with my thesis advisor was a regular “intrusion” into that schedule. For weeks, I would arrive late to our meetings, excusing myself always with some sort of “more important” fill-in-the-blank. Communicating “more important than our time together”. My advisor was one of the most gracious women I’ve ever known. She was always spot-on ready for our meeting, having read my latest submission, with her notes in hand. If ever I was “fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants”, it was with her.

Finally, one day, without warning, she nailed my tardiness for what it was…and I will never forget her for that. She taught me so much about professionalism and excellence in practice, but she taught me most in this area of honoring a colleague. I will always be grateful to Rose McGee for that.

Since those early years in my professional life, there have been many influencers in my life. Bosses, supervisors, coworkers. Some influencers had more celebrity status, but because they wrote for people like me, I soaked up their wisdom.Photo Credit: BPNews.net

Ben Kirksey recently wrote a short piece entitled Are You Worthy of Workplace Imitation?. It got me thinking of how my own workplace processes have changed because of those mentors, friends, and coaches in my life. 7 points of stewardship came to mind:

Time – We all have the same amount. Honoring others’ time does matter – being interruptible, not shortchanging people, keeping and being present in meetings. It’s a balancing act, but we want to be dependable and resourceful in this area.
Tweaking – only when absolutely necessary. Show you value others’ work. Give up control whenever possible. Whenever possible, trust their ownership of their work.
More questions/Less Advice – We jump to advice (or direction). Learning to ask thoughtful and compelling questions is a discipline worthy of our time and effort. Jesus was masterful at this.
Genuine Affirmation – To be truly known is such an empowering gift. General praise or cheery compliments are nothing compared with informed and specific affirmation. You affirm my thinking and hard work on a problem, and I will apply myself even more.
Building Capacity – Investing in others’ success at work while, at the same time, expecting the most out of yourself, builds capacity all around. This collective commitment to the work and each other delivers. Building capacity is a “both/and” arrangement. We can’t cast vision for it effectively, without digging in ourselves.
Leading by Influence – I have rarely enjoyed a position of authority…it is by influence that I have both learned and led in life. Authority has its own cross to bear in that the responsibility for return on investment sometimes interferes with relationships. Too bad, really. It’s through the relationships that we can see a greater return…as we steward influence.
Perspective – I will never forget a workplace story about a creative director and his lead creative. They rarely agreed. In fact, as the younger man tells the story, their discussions could become very heated over the direction of any given project. Then there would come a moment when his boss would say, something like, “Let’s get some coffee.” or “It’s lunch time, let’s grab a bite to eat.” No matter the seriousness of the conversations, this older man was able to bring relational perspective to bear. Their relationship was more valuable than any project decision. I daresay the work didn’t suffer from this perspective.

I am so grateful for those who have influenced my work. As mentioned before, they include some whom I have never met physically. The Apostles Paul and Peter, and Jesus himself teach us volumes on stewarding influence well.

Shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock. – 1 Peter 5:2-3

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. – Philippians 2:3-8

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:8-9

Do you have a story of an influencer in your life and how that person changed the way you work? I would love to hear it through the Comments below.

Are You Worthy of Workplace Imitation? by Ben Kirksey

The People Skills of Jesus by William Beausay II

The Management Methods of Jesus by Bob Briner

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Liz Wiseman’s Leadership Book on Multipliers and the Story of a Multiplier in Our Lives

December 10, 2015 admindeb 4 Comments

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

For several years, we had the great privilege of living and working in Cairo, Egypt. My husband directed a Middle Eastern Studies program. I helped him oversee the comings and goings of bright, energetic 20-somethings. When the work, heat, or press of city life became too much, we would escape to the Sinai and the Red Sea. Usually the resort town of Ras Sudr was our quick get-away, where we could take a weekend just to clear our heads with blue skies and salty sea air.

This time, we went for a week to Dahab, on the far side of the Sinai.

Photo Credit: Egypttailormade.net

We were finishing our time in this director role and would take a short sabbatical in the US. We would then return to Egypt, this time for a regional consulting job, guiding the expansion of these study centers.

We were tired, and a consulting job was a dream, with the prospect of just giving a hand to other directors – not nearly the intenseness of being responsible for so many young people.

Driving through the desert of the Sinai, with the kids in the backseat, we got a phone call.

Whoever it was on the other end, (Dave hadn’t called him by name), the conversation, from my side, was warm and affectionate at first, and then serious. As they talked, visible goose bumps rose on Dave’s arms. Goose bumps on a hot deserty day in Egypt?! I knew no one had died from his side of the conversation, but something huge was clearly being introduced by the caller.

When the call ended, I got the details. Dave spoke quietly so the kids wouldn’t be distracted by a call that could change the course (and geography) of our lives. The person on the other end of the conversation was his dearest mentor – a man for whom he had the deepest respect, even love. On the phone call, he had asked Dave to consider not taking the job of consultant but to take a job with him where he would have even more leadership responsibility. Supervising many more than a couple of dozen 20-somethings in one city. This job would require him to provide leadership to about 100 people spread over 6 different countries AND we would have to move from our beloved Cairo.

Thus, the goose bumps.

Dave did walk away from the “easier” job of consultant to take on the much larger, scarier job his mentor asked of him. We did eventually break the news to our children that we would be moving away from Cairo to a whole new country of possibilities and friendships. It was a stretching move for us (more so than our original move to Cairo), and it was a job and situation we would never have aspired to…were it not for this mentor…this multiplier of leaders.

Liz Wiseman has written the most incredible book on leadership – Multipliers – How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter . Her book describes this mentor of my husband as if she knew him personally. Wiseman is the president of The Wiseman Group, a leadership research and development firm, headquartered in Silicon Valley, California.

Photo Credit: LiveIntentionally.org

I first heard her speak at the Global Leadership Summit this year. Her presentation centered on her more recent book Rookie Smarts. This engaging young woman clearly has had multipliers in her own life and has obviously learned from some diminishers as well.

On the inside cover of Wiseman’s book Multipliers, she defines the terms “Diminishers” and “Multipliers”:

“The first type drain intelligence, energy, and capability from the ones around them and always need to be the smartest ones in the room. These are idea killers, the energy sappers, the diminishers of talent and commitment. On the other side of the spectrum are leaders who use their intelligence to amplify the smarts and capabilities of the people around them…These are the leaders who inspire employees to stretch themselves to deliver results that surpass expectations.” – Liz Wiseman

Have you ever been in a job where you felt your wisdom, understanding, experience were being drained right out of you? As if you were getting stupider and stupider? That can happen…or at least the sense of it happening is so strong it might as well be real. Some of this we must own ourselves, and some of it is owned by our leaders.

[Sidebar – It’s not like Diminishers are evil people. Possibly, their focus is so tuned to the endgame that people and processes get lost in the pursuit. I believe whenever they have an “aha!” moment, maybe through the multipliers in their own lives, they could change their habits and disciplines.]

This mentor of Dave’s was/is a Multiplier. For much of Dave’s professional life, this man has “popped in” and pressed my husband to reach farther than he might have in his career.

I want to be this sort of leader myself – this one who inspires confidence in others, who sees the possibilities, who risks by giving over control to another, who stirs thinking and enlarges the lives of those in his/her circle of influence…a circle that’s widely inclusive.

Being a leader is a humbling, stretching experience and, for the sake of those under your watch in the workplace, you want to offer the best leadership you can. We can all fall into habits over time that diminish others. Forging disciplines that keep us from doing so is wisdom. Note them from Liz Wiseman’s book:

Wiseman also talks about leaders as change agents – do we reserve the right to make the final decision every time or do we wrestle through decisions with those most affected by them? The latter can definitely be more messy but is also more effective and honoring.

“Multipliers invoke each person’s unique intelligence and create an atmosphere of genius—innovation, productive effort, and collective intelligence…He’ll outstretch all your capabilities to make it happen. He is highly demanding, but you feel great. You know you are signing up for something that will challenge you on a daily basis for many years to come. You will challenge yourself and all your capabilities…Exhilarating, exhausting, challenging, gratifying. He’s a big source of energy. He is a source of power and a tail-wind for what we do.” – Liz Wiseman

Thank you, Liz Wiseman. You are a wise woman (I’m sure you get this all the time…couldn’t resist). Thank you, to that unnamed mentor multiplier in my husband’s life…and to all those multipliers in my life’s journey.

Read Wiseman’s book. I’d love to hear your stories of multipliers in your life…and any diminishers that you learned from but (hopefully) were not diminished in the season you were together…maybe you became a multiplier in that person’s life. Journey strong, Friends.

Multipliers – How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman with Greg McKeown

YouTube Video – Leaders as Multipliers with Liz Wiseman

YouTube Video – Liz Wiseman – The Multiplier Effect 0

Multipliers Quotes from GoodReads

2013 Global Leadership Summit Session 3a: Liz Wiseman

Brian Dodd – 4 Leadership Lessons From Mt. rainier and the Inc. 500 Fastest Growing Business List – another example of a Multiplier

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Worship Wednesday – ‘Tis the Season – What’s at Stake When We Indulge In Attacking Each Other

November 11, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

Photo Credit: coffeewiththeKing.org

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” – Jesus, John 13:34-35

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” – Jesus, Matthew 7:3-5

“Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense. It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles. The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.” – Paul, Romans 14:20-22

The “happy holidays” are upon us – juxtaposed against a landscape of polarizing political campaigns and various divisive protests and boycotts. In a season of the year (for us in the USA, in particular), we could enjoy warm community and loving unity, even when we differ on some things. Yet, we still divide ourselves up into various camps.

Where are we to land in all of this as Christ-followers?

For sure, it is not in attacking those who are not like us or who may be like us but differ in preference or opinion. Especially, we who call the name of Jesus as Savior – we have no ground to stand on in attacking each other…ever.

So why do we do it? There is this soul satisfaction that comes with feeling right, or smarter, or more cool, or culture-savvy. A soulish satisfaction from which God has actually called us, and toward something extraordinarily better. A unity, a bond of love. A love by which we are known to the rest of the world as followers of Jesus. Here there is even ground for all of us, the weaker brother and the stronger one (that one who becomes weaker when he taunts or shames the other). Jesus calls us to deal with our own flawed perspective (“log”) before we can help dislodge the painful speck from our brother’s eye.

Do we really care about the other, that one God calls us to love as we love ourselves? Do we show that love to the world when we treat those with whom we disagree with the same derision or contempt as the world does? Or worse? Are we keeping company with arrogant haters or are we becoming one? When we publically part company with believers who are offended by what we consider silly matters, what is at stake?

You may ask, “what about those hate-filled people who call themselves Christians and who protest all sorts of things, based on their “Christian” sensibilities?”. Still…Scripture is clear how we are to treat them…Jesus calls us to love even our enemies. (Matthew 5:43-45)

“If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.” – Jesus, Mark 3:25

There is much to lose and much more to gain in wrestling successfully with this dilemma – exposed in our private conversations and public (un-social) media.

Voices of Wisdom to help us – Keep Unity, Guard Community – Choosing to Love, Refusing to Shame

Scott Sauls is the author of Jesus Outside the Lines: A Way Forward for Those Who Are Tired of Taking Sides . He has also written the richest piece on this whole shaming and raging culture that colors us as Christ-followers, if we partake in its rank hatefulness. In fact, I can’t even quote from his article, because I want you to read it…please. It is a quick but full read on identifying the problem, and seeing what is the truth of how we are to live, in the example of a living, flesh-and-blood human-like-us man, Tim Keller. Please…read Scott’s article. Transforming.

“Christians are in many ways a band of opposites, who over time grow to love one another through the centering, unifying love of Jesus…sincere believers can disagree on certain matters, sometimes quite strongly, and still maintain great respect and affection for one another…I don’t know where I would be without the influence of others who see certain non-essentials differently than I do..In non-essentials, liberty. And to this we might add an open-minded receptivity. We must allow ourselves to be shaped by our ‘other’ brothers and sisters for Jesus’ sake. We will be the richer for it.” – Scott Sauls

“This great passion for souls [Romans 9:1-3] gave Paul perspective. Lesser things did not trouble him because he was troubled by a great thing – the souls of men. ‘Get love for the souls of men’ – then you will not be whining about a dead dog, or a sick cat, or about the crotchets of a family, and the little disturbances that John and Mary may make by their idle talk. You will be delivered from petty worries (I need not further describe them) if you are concerned about the souls of men…Get your soul full of a great grief, and your little griefs will be driven out.“ – Charles Spurgeon – Spurgeon Gems, p. 7-8

“I will never get why we defend our chicken sandwiches and our gingerbread lattes but we won’t take a stand for the things that actually matter to God. Are we loving the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength? Are we loving our neighbor as ourselves? Are we obeying God in our personal lives? Are we defending and providing for the poor, the widow, the orphan, and the immigrant? Are we sharing the hope we have in Christ? That’s pretty much our full job description.” – Angela

Photo Credit: JonathanPearson.net

What I Came To Respect Most About Tim Keller (Even More Than His Preaching) by Scott Sauls

We Disagree, Therefore I Need You by Scott Sauls

Jesus Outside the Lines – a Way Forward for Those who are Tired of Taking Sides by Scott Sauls

What Stops Our Fighting? by Tony Reinke

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5 Friday Faves – On Foster Care, Losing Control, Best Bakeries, Pornography, and Efficiency

October 9, 2015 admindeb 1 Comment

Happy Friday! I have guests visiting from out of country so writing time has taken a back seat to sweet times with friends. Still, what a week this has been in discovery. I chose just five favorites but would love to hear (in Comments below) what some of your faves of this week are. Learning is one of my favorite pastimes.

On Foster Care – It’s dangerous for me to start with such a topic because many will click out of this blog just on reading the title (“Not me”; “Not interested”). Foster care is not for everyone, but it has to be for some of us. What if we worked together to provide safe and loving homes for every child in crisis? Chris Campbell and Team of 111Tulsa, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, started just such an initiative. I read a bit of the story in his wife’s blog A Turning Point then I wrote about foster care. We can care for these children together.Photo Credit: AshleyAnnPhotography.com

2. On Losing Control – This week, a blog by Jenilee Goodwin entitled The End of Me popped up in my inbox on a busy day. It might have gone unread except for that title. My Mom, my life-long best friend and the head cheerleader of Team Me, died over a decade ago. That was a grace-covered jolt to my sense of life and its dependability. God helped me through that long season of grief because He had already brought me through an “end of me” experience very similar to the one Jenilee describes in her blog. Crossing cultures and learning languages and the raw not-doing-anything-well are huge opportunities to see how tenuous our “control” is. God is dependable; our circumstances are not. Her piece was beautiful and deeply personal. Wherever you are in life, you will gain much by reading her story.

3. On Best Bakeries – When Business Insider does an photo-splashed article on The Best Bakery in Every State, I took the time to read it. Or should I say “savor it” – without endangering my health. Finding that the “best bakery” in Virginia to be Blackbird Bakery in Bristol (as far across the state from us as could be found), I will drop my own “Best Bakery” in here. For doughnuts anyway, that bakery is the Westhampton Pastry Shop. Ridiculously yummy. What’s your favorite?

Photo Credit: Westhampton Pastry Shop, yelp.com

4) On Pornography – A very serious topic – I placed it on purpose under “best bakeries” because there are all kinds of addictions. The scary difference is the fact that some addictions have outward presentations (like food, drug, and alcohol addictions). Not pornography. Addiction to pornography can do its damage in the quiet and isolation of one’s personal space in front of a screen (phone, tablet, computer). Yet, its damage reaches into relationships, career, and even our own anatomy and physiology. This Is Your Brain on Porn probably won’t deter someone addicted to pornography, but it could sound a warning that what you think is “not hurting anyone” really is…those you love…and you.Photo Credit: Ideapod, Churchm.ag

5) On Efficiency – If you got this far, you are in for a huge treat. This week, as I watch friends go through a company downsizing, the subject came up of efficiency and effectiveness. Does one necessarily lead to the other? Are they the same? In learning more about that, I came across this happy little article by Eric Gilbertson on the push for efficiency in our colleges and universities – The Pursuit of Efficiency and the Pursuit of Folly. Sweet article. Then the book Team of Teams which my husband recently read (devoured really) came to mind. General McChrystal writes brilliantly about adaptability, not efficiency, as our greatest need in the workplace of the 21st century. Work matters…and the people doing the work matter. Get this book…your appetite will be whetted by the articles linked below.

Team of Teams by General Stanley McChrystal

Efficiency in Business Isn’t Key Says Retired General

Gen. Stanley McChrystal: Adapt to win in the 21st Century

Work Smart – Let General Stanley McChrystal Explain Why Adaptability trumps Hierarchy – Forget everything you ever knew about your company’s org chart—and that’s an order.

The Tim Ferriss Experiment – General Stan McChrystal on Eating One Meal Per Day, Special Ops, and Mental Toughness

Your Brain On Porn

Love Your Neighbor – Foster Parenting & Adoption – Every Child in a Safe and Loving Home – www.debmillswriter.com

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Monday Morning Moment – You Have Three Choices – in Work and Life

October 5, 2015 admindeb 4 Comments

Photo Credit: Nourish the Dream – Facebook.com

Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. – Colossians 3:22-24

Hopefully, you’re not feeling like a slave this Monday morning. You have choices. Even Paul, in writing to the Colossian church, spoke to those believers, enslaved at that time, as persons with choices.

My Monday mornings these days have been filled with thoughts and prayers for friends working in difficult and unusual circumstances – uncertain futures, struggling to stay on course, grappling with coming change. If you’re not in such a challenge, be glad and learn from those who are. How thankful I am for those in my life who shine as “stars in the universe” (Philippians 2:14-16).

Every single day, we have choices of how we deal with our work and our co-workers…especially in the press of uncertainty and change.

1. We could give up. What a temptation this is. When we are faced with what seems like a waning future (dwindling opportunities, more work with less workers, damaged trust), it is easy actually to give up. We clock in and do what’s necessary. Stay below the radar. Spend breaks researching other jobs. Keep doing what we’ve been doing with no vision for the future. This is an easy default…don’t make it yours. You’re better than that.

2. We could give in. – This is the darker choice. This is when we allow bitterness to take root in our hearts and color our attitudes and work. Giving in is when our performance actually deteriorates because we figure who cares anyway. Giving in is when we say the ugly things we’ve been thinking about our situation. Giving in is when we treat colleagues who were once friends as competitors, as threats to our position rather than supporters. Giving in does no one any favors and actually adds to the burden we already feel in what may be a very complicated situation already. Giving in is never where we want to go.Photo Credit: Nourish the Dream Facebook.com

3. We could give it all we’ve got. Here’s where huge faith and great character come in. It’s so easy to say, “Keep doing what you’re doing”, “Stay in the game.”, “Trust God”. Don’t get me wrong; these encouragements are wise and true…it’s when we are struggling with the muck and mire of actually putting feet to faith in a situation that seems wrong. The difficulty at work may not even be wrong; it may be completely necessary…It’s when the force of the impact lands squarely on you that these choices become so real. Still, we have choices. It’s not the workplace that forces these choices on us. They are always ours. Every. Single. Workday.

If I can speak into my friends’ struggle, please stay on the course you’ve been on – such a way that you continue to build/leave a legacy of glory – to God and to the work He’s given us to do. One friend of ours in the thick of a stressful, stressful work situation, told another friend of mine, “Don’t lose heart”. When you hear that kind of encouragement from someone determined to keep his own focus on what matters it resonates with such verity you want to do nothing less. So, let’s never lose heart and let’s do the work of trusting God in our situations. It’s so much better than the consequences of the other choices. So much better.Photo Credit: Nourish the Dream Facebook.com

After all, it’s only Monday morning. Who knows what the rest of the week will bring? For my friends who are in complicated work situations, having to drag yourselves out of a ditch each day to do a good job, I want to say how thankful I am to know you. How honored to see the fruit of your work. How joyful that our paths have crossed in the workplace. How much more trusting I am of God myself, because of you.

As our friend said, please “don’t lose heart”.

For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart…For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison. – 2 Corinthians 4:15-17

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith. – Galatians 6:9-10

Photo Credit: Nourish the Dream, Facebook.com

Nourish the Dream – Your Headquarters for Biblical Business Success – Facebook page – David G. Johnson

13 Bible Verses to Overcome Disappointment

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Memory – Whatever it is that I Don’t Have I Want to Keep

October 1, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

My husband is a master gardener.

We have a beautiful backyard with a garden nurtured by a previous owner, Holly, and now made our own by Dave. Just beyond the patio are two pots. One is a pot of begonias; they have thrived all summer and keep blooming into Fall. There’s a matching pot of chocolate mint that is more scraggly. Dave told me next summer he wanted to do begonias in both pots. I asked him what he would do with the mint and he said he’d just throw it away.

No…I don’t want it thrown away. It has memories for me. What memories, he asked. It was here when we came (Holly was also a master gardener and left all kinds of sweet treasures in this yard of ours).

Then Dave said, “No, it wasn’t.” “It was a gift from our neighbor where we used to live.” To which I responded:

“Whatever the memory is that I don’t have I want to keep it.”

That nonsensical sentence is actually quite revealing. Once upon a time, I had an amazing memory. I could multi-task like crazy, keeping up with all sorts of details. Now, I make lists tucked on my keyboard each day to remember what I might otherwise forget.

My doctor, who is my same age, tested my memory at my request. He said it was normal and he struggles with the same age-related forgetfulness.

“Whatever the memory is that I don’t have I want to keep it.”

So…I write to keep that memory…of family visits, far-away places we’ve traveled and called home, lessons learned, and all the times God showed Himself faithful and kind in our lives together.

I write for my children…and for me. It would be a huge joy for me if my meanderings add to your day in a positive way.

I write to keep remembering…such times as these. Grateful. By the way…that pot of chocolate mint? It may hold begonias next year, but my dear husband will plant the mint somewhere so I can enjoy the memory…of that sweet young man next door who shared it with us…now that I remember again. Joy.

Forgetfulness – Seven Types of Normal Memory Problems

Age-related Memory Loss

When Memory is Normal & When it is Not-So-Normal

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Givers, Takers, or Matchers in the Workplace – Which One Are You? – with Adam Grant

September 21, 2015 admindeb 3 Comments

Photo Credit: Chuck Scoggins.com

A smart and gifted friend of mine is going through a taxing time on her new job. Long hours, piling up responsibilities, with no end in sight. She lamented that maybe the problem is that she’s a people-pleaser. That expression seems to communicate a character weakness, and I don’t see that operating so much with this friend of mine. What seems more her dilemma is that she’s what Adam Grant calls a “giver”…which is a good thing. The dilemma for my friend and her workplace is to establish a culture where she, and other givers, can thrive.

Adam Grant is a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. He has also written this great book – Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success. I heard him speak at the Global Leadership Summit and bought his book. His take on the three tops of people who make up our work culture was both fascinating and practical.Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Grant sees us all as either givers, takers, or matchers. “It’s very hard to judge our own style. What values you live each day is in the eye of the beholder.” We may not necessarily see ourselves in these categories, but our colleagues will. Ask them, if you have the courage. Then you might consider taking what you learn and thinking through how you might use that information to become a more effective employee and valued colleague.

Takers are those who often manage to do the least amount of work yet gaining the most notice. They manage to get “the lion’s share of credit for collective achievements”, notes Grant. The Takers are the shirkers in the workplace. They are not at their desks because they are off schmoozing (oops, I meant networking, right?) in another department. They somehow get their jobs done partly by leaning on the strong work ethic of the Givers.

Givers are the people who simply enjoy helping others – “no strings attached”. They get to work early and stay late, if necessary. Their core values resonate in the quantity and quality of their work.

Matchers are most of us, really, doing our part in the workplace. Matchers can be counted on to keep things “fair” at work. “I’ll do something for you if you do something for me” is their mantra. They believe in “an eye for an eye” and “just worlds”. They are the “fairness” or “Karma” police in the workplace.

Grant readily admits that we may operate out of all three styles from time to time, but we each have a dominant style at work.

How do givers, takers, and matchers fare in the workplace? Which of these sinks to the bottom in terms of performance and impact?

Givers are the worst performers (but keep reading). “The ones who get the least work done are the ones who help the others and never get their own jobs done”, reports Grant. “I love helping others” is not the one on top of the heap of performers. “The lowest revenue accrues to the most generous salespeople.”

It’s sad news that givers sink to the bottom. If you want to boost your organization, have more givers….unfortunately the givers do it at their own expense – unless the organization builds a culture that helps the givers to thrive.

Who rises to the top?

If givers are the worst performers, who are the best performers? You think it’s takers? Takers rise quickly, and fall quickly. They often fall at the hands of the Matchers who can use gossip (or, said another way, workplace channels of influence) to call out the abuse of the Takers. Beware, Takers, of the Matchers in the shadows. Also, other Takers can also take down those more abusive, or less-well-liked Takers.

Are the Matchers the best performers? Not usually. The best results belong to the Givers. Wait! How can they also be the best performers? It’s a both/and situation.

Grant encourages: “Helping others can sink your career but it can also accelerate your careers. Hang in there.”

It takes a while for Givers to learn and build connections, but when they do, it’s a win-win for the organization.

How can we build cultures to help Givers be successful?

3 Things We Can Do:

Keep the wrong people off the bus. – Get the right people on the bus. If possible, keep Takers off the bus. “One Taker on the team and paranoia starts to spread.” Put one Giver on the team, and you don’t necessarily have an explosion of generosity. It’s not bringing in the Givers; it’s weeding out the Takers. Matchers follow the norm. Matchers will follow the example of the Givers.
Redefine Giving. Wisdom is to know who is who in the workplace. Or at least not be thrown off by behaviors vs. motives. Then we can shape our work culture to empower Givers, influence Matchers, and avoid enabling Takers. In an interview with Adam Grant, Thinkers50 spelled this process out very well. For instance, consider Agreeableness vs. Disagreeableness – in Takers, Givers, and Matchers. We usually think Takers are disagreeable, but not necessarily so. Givers aren’t always agreeable either. Just because someone is nice to you (an agreeable Taker) doesn’t mean they care about you (Givers, in general, really care). Adam Grant also talks about the importance of kindness in the workplace. This is a strength of Givers, but it can also push them to over-work and exhaustion. Grant prescribes “5-minute favors (a microloan of your time, skills, or connections). Volunteering – 100 hours a year – is the sweet spot. Greater than 100 hours a year is too much. 2 hours a week.”
Encourage Help-Seekers – A work culture of Help-Seekers will take silos down. “People step up when others say ‘I’m stuck; I need some help’. If no one asks for help, you have a lot of frustrated Givers in your organization.” Grant recommends an exercise called the Reciprocity Ring – Gathering teams together and having each person state a request of something they want or need and then everyone else in the room tries to use their expertise and networks to make it happen. “People are often unbelievably generous if you ask for help. Givers step up. The Takers become more generous. All the offers of help are visible. Takers don’t want to get outed. The Matchers realize that matching is useful, but it’s an inefficient way to run an organization. If you have given help to others without getting back, then you can increase your productivity because you don’t have to just ask those you’ve helped.”

Givers ask the question “How can I be the rising tide that lifts all boats?” We can move our organizations in this direction of maximum impact and satisfaction, by nurturing a Giver culture. Instead of workplace paranoia, imagine a culture distinguished by a “Pro-noia” – the “delusion” that other people are plotting your wellbeing. May it not be a delusion but a daily reality.

Give and Take – An Interview with Adam Grant by Thinkers50

Give and Take – A Revolutionary Approach to Success by Adam Grant

Outward Focused Lives // Givers, Takers, Matchers

Give and Take – An introduction

YouTube Video – Adam Grant, Professor – Givers, Takers, and Matchers

YouTube Video – Adam Grant’s Give and Take Talk at Google

Global Leadership Summit 2015

The Reciprocity Ring

Live Blog: 2015 Leadership Summit – 30 Leadership Quotes from Adam Grant – Brian Dodd on Leadership

The Global Leadership Summit Session Three – Adam Grant – Notes by Chuck Scoggins

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Looking for a Job…or the Next Job? – 4 Ideas to Consider

September 14, 2015 admindeb 2 Comments

When you need a job, or a new job, you are in a tender place. I will treat that place with honor. You have gifts, experience, and workplace wisdom that are needed somewhere…so please don’t despair. Any bitterness that could be taking root in your heart will only get in your way. You have choices, more than you think. You have probably had more advice than you can even follow, so I don’t want to burden you with another load of it. Just 4 ideas.

Read an encouraging and practical book. For me, that book is Jon Acuff’s Do Over. Acuff gives sound counsel, mixed with fun stories, about how to get on with your life in the marketplace. In fact, I wrote 5 blogs on his book (see links below). I leave out the stories, but his “next steps” are extremely helpful and sometimes surprisingly counter-intuitive. He boosts the reader’s confidence in a genuine way and doing the exercises in his book can make a huge difference in job hunting. So much affirmation…real affirmation.
Network with lots of people. It’s not just about “who you know”. It’s also about “who knows you”. Sometimes we don’t even recognize our own strengths (OR weaknesses). Trusted friends or even respected acquaintances can give you much-needed food for thought and action. Maybe you don’t even know what to do, job-wise – your future is wide open but looks (to you) very dark. Input from others who care about you or who are caring, in general, can help you focus. You may not have even considered what they may be telling you – either about your own hireability or the job market itself. Listen and learn. P.S. Don’t go to them for a job; go to them for wisdom about getting a job.
Try something completely new. The film The Intern with Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway speaks to this something new. A 70-year-old takes an internship in a cool successful company. Funny and winsome and could be one of us, right? Then I have also been hearing a lot lately about advanced manufacturing and the need for apprentices in this field. You may have a “white collar” education that could be more finely tuned with some “blue collar” experience. Those terms may be antiquated with the blurring of boundaries in our more technology-rich manufacturing companies. You could be that intern or apprentice.

4. Consider working with a head-hunter or job placement agency. In a conference recently, I heard Michael Thompson, founder and CEO of Turas Group, speak to a group of job-seekers. His approach was warm and positive. In that half-hour session, he gave strong individualized counsel to each person, based on what information they had already sent them. Counsel that helped everyone in the room really, but also individualized to each person’s needs. He also asks really good questions which is incredibly helpful for clarification – when you really don’t know what to do next.

One thing Thompson expressed was the importance of doing lots of interviews. His counsel included: a) prepare and do research to know your interviewers; b) arrive early; c) have your 60 second pitch down; d) – smile a lot, have energy, be excited and maintain eye contact; e) answer directly and concisely; and finally f) if you don’t know the answer to a question, share that, but then offer what you would do (especially if you’ve never done that something needed). Thompson also encouraged the participants to join LinkedIn (a global online professional network).

Whether you’re just out of college or you find yourself in the throes of a company downsizing, you know something of what you offer any employer. Allow these 4 ideas to fill in some of the holes you can’t see that would make job hunting a less painful and more productive endeavor.

As to dealing with the disappointment of not finding a job right out of school, or the loss of satisfying work you loved, please don’t let that define you. You have choices…maybe very different that you first imagined, but you have them. Make those lists of strengths and people of influence in your life as Jon Acuff advises; talk (well, listen more) to friends and advocates; and stay open to a real positive turn in your career. Finally, I personally would add “Pray” to all this. Prayer will help you to not panic or grow bitter when your emotional energy would better serve your pursuit of that job – the one you can’t imagine right now. Remember who you are and Whose you are.

Any comments on what has helped you or what is sustaining you in your job hunt? Please share below.

Do Over – Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work, and Never Get Stuck – by Jon Acuff – Notes (Part 1)

Do Over – Jon Acuff on Work Relationships – Notes (Part 2 of Do Over Series)

10 Quotes by Jon Acuff on Developing New Skills & Sharpening Old Ones – Part 3 of Do Over Series

Jon Acuff on Character at Work – 9 Quotes & a Challenge – Part 4 of the Do Over Series

Jon Acuff on the Role of Hustle in Taking Hold of Career Opportunities – Notes & Quotes – Part 5 of Do Over Series

Turas Group – Michael Thompson, CEO – Michael@turasgroup.com – or connect via LinkedIn

Tips for a Successful Job Search – Tulane University

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5 Friday Faves – a Baby, a Podcast, a Tribute, a Singing Priest, & Videos Gone Viral

August 21, 2015 admindeb 5 Comments

Another week has fairly flown, and today I’m posting a few of my favorite happenings/finds. For more serious, thought-provoking, inspiring weekly round-ups, especially related to Biblical worldview, check out Trevin’s Seven, Tim Challie’s A La Carte, or Ann Voskamp’s Only the Good Stuff.

My Friday Faves this week are smiles – a break from a heavy news cycle.

First Grandbaby – I would so put up a picture of her, but she is to be a social media-free baby for now. For those of you who are grandparents, this resonates. What a miracle babies are – to be one moment in the womb completely surrounded by protective waters, and the next a living, breathing person. So amazing! This little girl, conceived 9 months ago, and a person from that moment, and now born, has captured our hearts completely. Since I can’t show her, enjoy bits of her room. We are overjoyed.

2) Kathy Lee Gifford’s Tribute to her Husband Frank Gifford – On August 9, Frank Gifford died at age 84. He was a much-respected, well-loved American football player and sports commentator. When Kathy Lee returned to her job, hosting The Today Show, a week after his death, she gave tribute to Frank in her opening comments. It was lovely – courageous in her openness about what mattered to Frank. Almost like Kathy Lee was on mission for him to get those words out. Such a professional and clearly so in love with that man. Beautiful.

3) Podcast – Eight Steps to More Effective Discipleship – Chuck Lawless & Thom Rainer – Solid teaching for any of us who desire to be faithful in following Jesus’ instructions to us, especially in a very different culture today. Just a few of the points from the podcast:

Discipleship is not just content delivery.
Committed church members used to be at church three times a week—now it’s three times a month.
If a mom and dad aren’t training their children, they are missing one of the most effective forms of discipleship.
Oddly, one of the lead metrics of discipleship growth in a church is giving.

4) An Irish Priest Sings Hallelujah to a Surprised Wedding Party – Father Ray Kelly, during his introductory remarks to a wedding party in Northern Ireland, sang Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. He adapted the lyrics for this special occasion. There is so much to love in this video – the creativity of this priest, the joyous surprise on this special day. If you haven’t already seen this, you will love it!

5) The Original Viral Video & Two Other Favorites – In 2004, Gary Brolsma, 19y/o man in New Jersey, posted his version of Numa Numa on Newgrounds.com a year before the advent of YouTube.com. Our kids were in their teens. This video brought instant grins for all of us and has for over 20 million viewers. Gary’s unfettered enthusiasm in lip-syncing is just adorable, as you know.

Two other videos in this Friday fave star two darling little girls. My husband has a very serious job and is a pretty serious guy most of the time anyway – these little girls make him giggle. You’ve seen these, but here they are gain. – Ella Mae and the little one who will stand up against monsters.

OK…back to work. Thanks for letting me share the joy with you today. If you have favorites to share, use the comments. Would love to learn from you or laugh with you.

Eight Steps to More Effective Discipleship – Rainer on Leadership #150 – Podcast

Kathy Lee Shares Touching Tribute to Husband Frank Gifford – Today

Singing Priest’s Hallelujah Wows Wedding Guests

Ella Mae Sings “An American Trilogy” by Elvis Presley

I’m Gonna Kick His Ask

Numa Numa

Kids React to Numa Numa

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Global Leadership Summit – 6 Take-Aways from Day 2 of #GLS15

August 7, 2015 admindeb 1 Comment

Photo Credit: thecrossingchurchnj.org

Below are my take-aways from Day 2 of the Global Leadership Summit. Register now for 2016. Life-transforming.

Horst Schulze (Chairman/CEO, Capella Hotel Group; Founding President & Former COO, The Ritz-Carlton Group):

Mr. Schulze gave the Summit audience a primer on how to create and lead in world class service. Foundational to his philosophy is that people matter – ” we are to care about people (our employees and our customers) and we work with excellence”.

He has a canon and 24 Standards of service* that all the Capella Hotel Group employees are expected to execute. Not just as part of the function of their job, but because they matter – the people and the service.

In terms of service, we want 3 things:

No defect – You want the product to be defect-free (subconscious expectation).
Timeliness – You want timeliness. [In old days, check-in was 4 minutes to be good; today it’s 20 seconds.]
Caring – You want the people who give you the product to be nice to you (that’s why we call it service).

“The #1 driver of service and therefore customer loyalty is being nice.”

Service starts at the first contact.

Welcome

Comply with caring [give the customer what he wants]

Farewell

You can move a customer very quickly from satisfaction to loyalty.Photo Credit: liberty.edu

Sheila Heen (Founder, Triad Consulting Group; Faculty, Harvard Law School; Co-Author with Douglas Stone of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science & Art of Receiving Feedback Well):

Ms. Heen talked about feedback and the skill of receiving feedback well. A Harvard Law School professor, she also speaks/consults internationally on negotiation and conflict resolution. With this background, she gave the Summit audience helps on how important feedback is and not to miss it, even in the tension of a difficult or unfair situation.

Photo Credit: triadconsultinggroup.com

“Feedback is my relationship with the world and the world’s relationship with me. Part of the problem with feedback is that it sits at the junction of two core human needs. On the one hand, we do want to learn to grow. On the other hand, we need to feel accepted, respected and loved the way we are now.”

“3 Different Kinds of Feedback with Very Different Purposes (we need all three kinds to learn and grow).

Evaluation – rates or ranks you against a set of criteria or against your peers. Defining the relationship. Cholesterol. Performance review.

Coaching – Anything that helps you get better or learn. Mentoring. Advice. Suggestions. Correction.

Appreciation – says ‘I see you.’ ‘I get you.’ ‘You matter around here.’”

“The [feedback] model for us is Jesus Christ. He accepts us just the way we are right now, in all our brokenness, and at the same time, he challenges us to learn and grow.”

Brian Houston (Founder & Global Senior Pastor, Hillsong Church; Author of Live, Love, Lead: Your Best Is Yet to Come):

Pastor Houston was my biggest surprise of the day. As a mega-church pastor with campuses not just all across Australia but all across the world, I thought he would be a polished, fine-tuned speaking machine. [Forgive me that, Brother Brian.] There was a gentleness and humility in him birthed out of hard times, struggle, and loss…filled in by God’s matchless grace. He shared some of his life story through a Q & A with Bill Hybels. It was a beautiful tribute to the love and power of God reflected in a life fully surrendered to Him. We will be buying his book Live, Love, Lead.

“I love what I do. I love the Lord and I love the church. I love people ultimately. That motivation has never left me. Even on the darkest days. In the biggest challenges. If you keep showing up, even when you get knocked down, God will be with you. Longevity is the greatest thing you can have for the glory of the Lord.“

Sam Adeyemi (Founder & Senior Pastor, Daystar Christian Centre in Nigeria):

Pastor Adeyemi talked about growing up in a culture of leaders and followers where a hierarchical (or power) distance was common. Then He spoke of Jesus’ leadership and how God means for us to lead, including closing the gap between people.

“You will not find the definition of success for your ministry or organization until you help the people [God] sent to you to succeed. The object of leadership for many leaders is their own success, but the object of Christ’s leadership was the success of His followers.”

“Following you, [as a leader], should hold the promise of life change for those who follow you.”

“God calls us to create new power structures where power is used appropriately. Jesus gave his disciples authority and power. He gave power away.”Photo Credit: preachit.com.ng

Liz Wiseman (President, The Wiseman Group; Author of Rookie Smarts: Why Learning Beats Knowing in the New Game of Work):

Liz talked about the upside of being a rookie in the workplace.

“As Rookies – We operate in simple, small, gritty and powerful ways.

With experience comes knowledge, responsibility. Once we have knowledge, we tend to make assumptions, and we can make bad assumptions. Our minds sometimes fill in what is not actually there.”

“Leaders who master the art of pivot – as leader and learner (regaining your rookie smarts). Experiment – Throw away your notes. Ask the Questions (shift from knowing and operate from a place of inquiry). Operate from a mode of curiosity. Admit what you don’t know. Let someone else lead. Disqualify yourself (put yourself at the bottom of a new learning curve). Lead your team into the unknown. Set the stretch. As you grow as a leader, don’t forget to be a learner.”

Craig Groeschel (Founder & Senior Pastor, LifeChurch.tv):

Late on a Friday afternoon, full of words from all these other great leaders, Craig Groeschel powerfully and graciously took the stage. He encouraged us on how to build capacity. [This is actually a recent favorite topic of mine with the Lord and those I love.] Taking his text from Ephesians 3:20-21, Pastor Groeschel spoke from experience of how God will work in lives available to Him in ways we can’t even imagine. With that introduction, he dug into some exquisitely practical counsel on how to increase our leadership capacity.

5 Different C’s to Expand Your Leadership Capacity – Choose one to work on.

Build your confidence.
Expand your connections.
Improve your competence.
Strengthen your character.
Increase your commitment.

Groeschel gave plenty of examples from his own life of what these might look like, and honestly, his teaching was so clear, we knew right away which one’s we would be working on, in the days ahead.

The Global Leadership Summit was also punctuated with videos of “Grander Vision” stories – people from all over the world who took seriously what they’d learned at previous Summits and went out and changed their worlds. We also enjoyed stirring worship moments, including a song set that Bill Hybels introduced as music soothing to our leader souls. Sometimes when nothing else seems to help, Hybels said, music can remind us of the nearness of God. Photo Credit: Twitter.com/wcagls

All this….and Michael Jr.

Thank you, Bill Hybels, and the Willow Creek Association, and all those leaders – who help make the many host sites possible and who demonstrate how possibilities can become realities when we lead well.

Photo Credit: twitter.com/michaeljrcomedy