Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. – 2 Corinthians 13:11
And once more, Isaiah says: “The Root of Jesse will appear, One who will arise to rule over the Gentiles; in Him the Gentiles will put their hope.” Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:12-13
As we move to the close of Advent, and all the candles are lit, we are struck by what we have been given in the coming of Christ. The four candles symbolizing hope, peace, love, joy. Salvation and eternal life. All we need for life and Godliness. A forever relationship with the God of the universe…the God of perfect love.
It gives pause.
This beautiful God. This Jesus who came so near to us, as low as we are. He condescended Himself for us to know Him…and to know His unmerited forgiveness…to learn how to walk with Him and with each other.
In this Christmas of 2021, we pull these truths close around us. The world has become so divided and full of hate. Yet, not so full of hate that God cannot draw us together and to Himself. I’m reminded of an old carol “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”.
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; The Wrong shall fail, The Right prevail, With peace on earth, good-will to men.”
We take hope in the person of Christ, the promises and purposes of God untouched by whatever darkness surrounds us.
The candles have been lit and we are days away from Christmas. We lean into the hope, peace, love, and joy that God has already given us in Christ. As we lean in to Him, we draw those around us closer.
With the Christ of Christmas in mind, we can choose to put away hatred, unforgiveness, and those personal preferences that divide us. We can love like Jesus loves (John 13:34-35). Be at peace with those around us (Romans 12:18). Take joy in His provision for good (2 Corinthians 9:8). Hope in what is possible in Him, even when it feels impossible to us (Matthew 19:26).
We are not alone in this. “Emmanuel” – God is with us!
This Fall, singer/songwriter Matthew West released the We Need Christmas album. It is a mix of new music and great old standards done as only he can do them. He describes his inspiration below:
“These past couple of years have felt like peace is in short supply, hope has been hard to find, and love and joy have been lost for so many,” shares Matthew West about the inspiration for his new project. “Christmas is a time when our hearts can be powerfully reminded that the peace, hope, love, and joy we all need can still be found in a saviour.” – Matthew West
Worship with me to this sweet song. “We need Christmas..now more than ever to bring us together.”
Lights that twinkle red and green
Charlie Brown on the TV screen
Hugs from friends and family
That’s what we need right now
Zipping up on a winter coat
Truck tires down a snowy road
That’s the sound of coming home
That’s what we need to right now This world could use a little healing And our hearts could surely use something to believe in
We need Christmas
Now more than ever to bring us together
We need Christmas Come on, December, help us remember The joy, the peace and the hope that love can bring
Cause we need Christmas
Singing carols in the living room That’s Grandma’s favorite thing to do And Grandpa reads Luke, chapter 2 That’s what it all about It’s Red Salvation Army can Reaching out a helping hand Looking after your fellow man That’s what we need right now
We need Christmas
Now more than ever to bring us together
We need Christmas
Come on, December, help us remember
The joy, the peace and the hope that love can bring
Cause we need Christmas
Oh, we need Christmas
This world could use a little healing
And our hearts could surely use something to believe in
We need Christmas Now more than ever to bring us together
We need Christmas
Come on, December, help us remember
We need Christmas
Now more than ever to bring us together
We need Christmas
Come on, December, help us remember
The joy, the peace and the hope that love can bring
And the bells hear ’em ring
Let every angels sing
Cause we need Christmas*
Christmas week is upon us! This past week’s Friday Faves finally:
1) Epic Spanish Romance Cover– Get ready for one of the most beautiful pieces ever written for classical guitar. The composer is unknown. The arranger for this piece is Nathan Mills, at Beyond the Guitar. Enjoy.
[One of his subscribers on YouTube asked him to do for Niel Gow’s Lament what he did to the Spanish Romance. Here in his college days, Nathan plays that piece. Hope he does put his own touch to it again…all these years later. A funny sidebar to the piece below: Nathan’s sister wanted him to play this for her wedding. He said something to the effect that the whole title of the piece is “Niel Gow’s Lament For the Death of His Second Wife” so Nathan played other pieces instead. Didn’t seem a good fit for a wedding day. ]
2) Languishing– Who even knows what this is?! Well, author and organizational psychologist Adam Grant does. He defines it as:
“Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it may be the dominant emotion of 2021.
As scientists and physicians work to treat and cure the physical symptoms of long-haul COVID-19, many people are struggling with the emotional long haul of the pandemic. It hit some of us unprepared as the intense fear and grief of last year faded.
In psychology, we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing. Flourishing is the peak of well-being: You have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. Depression is the valley of ill-being: You feel despondent, drained and worthless. Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either. You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work. It appears to be more common than major depression, and in some ways it may be a bigger risk factor for mental illness.
So what can we do about it? A concept called flow may be an antidote. Flow is that elusive state of absorption in a meaningful challenge or a momentary bond, where your sense of time, place and self melts away. During the early days of the pandemic, the best predictor of well-being wasn’t optimism or mindfulness. It was flow. People who became more immersed in their projects managed to avoid languishing and maintained their pre-pandemic happiness.” – Adam Grant
I’m very thankful to come across this article by Dr. Grant. He has much more to say both in the above piece and in his TED talk below. We can learn how to move from languishing back to flourishing.
The links below point to a varied and fascinating reach into languishing. Worth your time.
3) From Sad to Mad – In the midst of a sweet time of year for some of us folks, I have found my capacity for sadness stretched super far. With a background in cancer nursing where loss was always part of life, and with all the hello-goodbyes in our overseas season as a family, and finally having lost very significant people in the last few years…sad is stretched. What has surprised me of late is how fast my “sad” goes to “mad”. I get angry at the losses – deaths to COVID, marriages broken, families estranged from each other, moral failures…and more. Mad is not where I want to be. “Righteous indignation” never stays righteous. It gets mean way too quickly.
The piece above helped me immensely. Therapist Joshua Nash offers helpful steps (go there if this has become an issue for you as well). The main take-away for me is that I shift from sadness at a loss to anger at the injustice of it. What is better for my emotions, body, and relationships is to stay in the sadness. Feel it, examine its impact, mourn the cause. Sadness will subside. Moving into anger (as natural as it is in grieving a loss) mucks up the sadness. Anger is punishing (to yourself and others). As hard as staying in the sadness is, we (and our relationships) will be better for it.
4) Christmas Events – December is practically glutted with events to celebrate Christmas. In a month when meditating on the mystery of a virgin birth and the long-anticipated coming of a Savior King, quiet is hard to come by. We make room for it…alongside all the fun of this month. Below is a photo array of just some of this past week for us.
Christmas Cookie & Ornament Exchange (us women):
Old-fashioned Carol Sing (mostly in our own basement):
VCU Holiday Gala with our favorite alum and his little son:
Tacky Lights RVA:
Ethnic lunch out (#Mezeh) with our youngest:
Quiet times in front of the fire (quiet on the schedule AND with cookies & coffee):
Christmas with The Chosen:
[If the recording of Christmas With the Chosen: The Global Live Event becomes inaccessible, you can find it on The Chosen app.]
5) I.O.U.S Acronym on a Divided Heart – This morning I was struck afresh how little undivided attention is exercised in my day. Even my introverted husband will spill out all sorts of wise and wonderful words – when I am wholly there. Fixed. Not leaving the room mentally. These moments are more rare than I’d like to confess…all because of the struggle to focus.
Author theologian John Piper tackles this issue with our heart toward God. We struggle with all sorts of noise and clatter pulling us in directions that leave off the wonder of deeply knowing Him.
Piper uses an acronym that is hugely helpful in this (setting us in a positive direction for the New Year):
I.O.U.S. – [From John Piper’s Divided Heart article linked below]
“The embattled heart is typical of the Christian life. None of us has a consistently united heart in longing for God.”
“The letter I stands for incline. “Incline my heart to your testimonies,” we pray with Psalm 119:36. We ask God to take away resistance. We ask God to incline us toward God and his Word instead of away from God. And so we admit all our inclination toward God is a work of God. The psalmist would not be praying like this if the inclination was ultimately within our own power. If it were, he wouldn’t be asking God to incline his heart. We plead with God to take our hearts in his hands and to incline them, bend them, toward his Word.
Then the letter O stands for open. Psalm 119:18 says, “Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.” We need God to work a miracle on the eyes of our heart so that we can see the truth, beauty, value of who he is right there in his word. If we are left to ourselves while meditating on God’s word, we will see nothing of his spiritual beauty and worth.
Then comes the third letter, U. It stands for unite. Psalm 86:11 says, “Unite my heart to fear Your name.” What an amazing prayer: “Unite my heart.” So what’s the problem that this psalmist is praying to solve? The problem is a divided heart.”
The Last Word – A one-minute video speaks volumes about our country, the media’s impact on us all, and one decision to step away. 62 y/o news commentator Brian Williams stepped away from a 28-year career with NBC/MSNBC. His last show was December 9, and he announced his resignation in this powerful short statement. We can all take something away from this, whatever our politics or nationality. There comes a time…
For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth; And after my skin is destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I shall see God, Whom I shall see for myself, And my eyes shall behold, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!– Job 19:25-27
We are in the third week of Advent. On Sunday the joy candle was lit, and Pastor Cliff preached on “Hope Deferred”.
“We live in a period of already but not yet, a time of deferred hope. With the Holy Spirit active in our lives, we can take part in God’s kingdom here on earth. However, the kingdom will not reach its fullest expression until Jesus’ return.” – Erin Franklin, Our Hope Has Come
Sometimes we have to wait on answered prayer…on someone’s forgiveness…on a cure…on peace to be restored to our hearts. Hope deferred. Yet, in every situation of life, we have His Word to remind us that waiting (and suffering) is but for a season, and with it comes great gain.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:1-8
“While we were still sinners…” Not after we’d cleaned up our act, but while we were in the muck and mire of our lives. What a Savior!
In our small group tonight, we processed Cliff’s sermon and the whole concept of hope deferred. Our group leader asked us what Scripture verses encourage us when our hope is weakened. We all had our favorites…Romans 8 has several treasures.
I wish I could transport you to that moment…friends gathered in our living room, warm inside on a cold December night, Christmas lights aglow, recalling Scripture after Scripture on the hope we have in Christ. It recalled still another account in Scripture when grief-stricken followers of Christ (journeying home after his crucifixion) encountered him after his resurrection.
They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us as He spoke with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” And they got up that very hour and returned to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, gathered together and saying, “The Lord has indeed risen”…! – Luke 24:32-34a
Finally, one of our friends reminded us of Job…that Old Testament saint who lost so much and yet clung to his God. What a huge testament of the goodness of God even in the midst of suffering and hope deferred. Job 19:25-27 tells us that Job knew his Redeemer lived and he would see him one day.
Glory! How thankful I am that Jesus died for me…to take the penalty for the awful sin in my life. He was my substitute, and now He is my Savior.
Worship with me to Nicole Mullen’s “My Redeemer Lives”. Not as difficult to sing as Handel’s Messiah but every bit as true.
Who taught the sun
Where to stand in the morning?
And who told the ocean
“You can only come this far”?
And who showed the moon
Where to hide till evening
Whose words alone can
Catch a falling star?
I know my redeemer lives
I know my redeemer lives
All of creation testify
This life within me cries
I know my redeemer lives
(yeah)
The very same God
That spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands
That hold me when I’m broken
They conquer death to
Bring me victory
Now I know my redeemer lives
I know my redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I know my redeemer
He lives to take away my sins
And He lives forever, I proclaim
That the payment or my sins
Was the precious life He gave
But now He’s alive and
There’s an empty grave
What’s your situation? How’s your heart? What is your body holding onto? Remember when you were so full of the possibilities of life, so fresh with anticipation of what was ahead, what you could accomplish?
Then life happens, and it doesn’t always work out like you thought it would. Running turned into slogging. Your passion got sucker-punched. The opportunities and advancements kept coming in, but at some point, bewilderment set in. You just got tired…just plain weary.
Some call this burnout, and it may be. What if it is more than that? What if it is a bloody battlefield where, if not our very lives, our joy is under full attack. What if those God-given strengths, those life-honed skills, and serendipitous accomplishments seem not to be at play. Maybe you’re overthinking, or maybe…just maybe…the way through is surprisingly simple.
We all have an important place to occupy in this world. Every single one of us. Fight for it. Walls may seem high, bottlenecks too narrow, and, at times, adversaries hammering around us. Nevertheless…We can find a way to bring the walls down (or just go around them), squeeze through the bottlenecks, and shake off the idea that we can’t win…just. too. tired.
Circumstances in life and work can drain us. Especially over time. Oddly we can still be effective in life but the emotional, mental, and physical toll adds up. The body remembers…and keeps score.
Jesus gives us a beautiful and intimate picture of the “nevertheless”. The night before he would die on a Roman cross, he appealed to the Father, as his painful and humiliating death loomed ahead of him.
Nevertheless…here was the Messiah, the Christ, in all the sinless perfection of his life, coming to the very end of himself. Exhausted, emotionally overwrought, yet clear-minded, understanding exactly what would be required from him. Nevertheless…he stayed the course. He was not giving up. He knew what was at stake. He trusted the Father, and he persisted in what he was called to finish.
For us, we have choices. We can resign ourselves to a life and work not what we anticipated…or we can clear our heads and remember our own callings. No walls are too high nor adversaries too strong.
We each bring something to the table. If we withdraw from the table or accept a perceived exclusion, we can miss the fullness of life we were meant to have. Others will miss us as well. Believe that. It’s true.
When fatigue and discouragement set in, and our bodies are drained of response, we need to take hold of the “nevertheless”. It’s reminiscent of the many “but God’s” in Scripture and in life. We may be up against a Red Sea like Moses, or a Goliath like young David, or a corrupting culture like Jesus. We lament “but God”…we are too inadequate. Too small. Too aware of risk. Nevertheless, our “but God’s” can change to what is truth. The meaning of the protest changes into the “but God” miracles when He shows up and does what only He can do…in us. Through us.
December is here! The days will fill up fast with holiday celebrations. Here are this week’s faves. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
1) Beyond the Guitar Christmas – We’ve been listening to Christmas music since October. Both worship carols and secular songs. Even our favorite guitarist has arranged and posted some Christmas songs – a precious few. I post them here for you to enjoy a listen.
2) 4 Advent Habits with Justin Whitmel Earley – In less than a month, those of us who challenge ourselves with New Year’s resolutions will have our lists and resolve ready to go. When true habit change happens, it’s worth the work.
Several years ago, I had the opportunity to hear Justin Whitmel Earley speak. He wears many hats – attorney, writer, speaker, husband, dad. He spoke then on the habits of a simple life, introducing his fascinating book The Common Rule. His latest book is Habits of the Household. Both are excellent resources for examining our lives (home and work) with the goal of building habits of flourishing.
I was not surprised when he offered us Advent habits (practices, playlists, and readings). Earley offers all these free as part of his determination to do good with his lift. The books go deeper and are definitely worth the read. For now, check out the links and note below his recommended 4 Advent Habits – Kneeling posture in prayer, lighting candles, tuning to God as the first voice of the day, and pocketing our phones while waiting (restoring the art of waiting).
3) Advent Readings – Advent means “coming”. We celebrate the coming of Christ, as Messiah, a helpless baby born of a virgin mother. God in arms. Miracle and mystery. Advent also commemorates the coming again of Christ in the last days. We look with hope to the day He will come again for His people, as Redeemer King.
This year, our church is working through an Advent study entitled Our Hope Has Come. Gathering in home groups, we celebrate Christ’s coming in our hearts and throughout history.
In our home, we have a shelf of Christmas books (for children and adults) that have been treasures to us through the years. We bring them back out at Christmastime, reading again the beautiful messages of hope we have in Jesus.
Do you have any favorite Advent books or online resources? Please share them in the Comments below. Thanks.
4) Forgive and Remember – In less than a month, we leave 2021 behind. Hopefully without regret. I’ve written a lot about forgiveness this year. Partly because of seeing the pain of prolonged unforgiveness in some of my closest relationships. Too much hurt. Too deep the offense. Too unfathomable the possibility of reconciling. The best attempt is “I can forgive, but I can’t forget.”
What if we don’t try to forget? What if we determine to remember, but remember in a way that moves us to healing…to true forgiveness.
Psychiatrist and writer Curt Thompson has become a favorite resource of mine in recent months. Books, podcast, and articles. This week, I discovered his piece Forgive and Remember. Intrigued by the title, I read it and found hope renewed in the possibility of forgiveness, even in chronic trauma or painful persistent memories.
I find Dr. Thompson very engaging, but if you aren’t used to his references to brain physiology, you may need to do a slow read. Here is his take on the importance of remembering, in company – with a sense of the presence of Christ in the pain, remembering in the skin of “the offender”, and remembering with people who care about you.
“Because I refrain from remembering, I prevent myself from eventually remembering additional parts of the story that I have likely thus far, albeit nonconsciously and unintentionally, ignored. For indeed, it is possible that forgiveness requires me to expand my awareness of additional realities that were in play at the time I was wounded. For instance, if I only pay attention to my hurt feelings, I never attune to my adversary’s own layers of brokenness; never consider their deeper story, the cistern of their own fear of their own deep shame from which emerged their hurtful behavior in the first place; the depth to which they “do not know what they are doing…” Through the hard, repeated work of my imagination, my awareness of the larger truths of the life of the one who has mistreated me begins to gradually diffuse the intensity of the emotional content of my anger and resentment.“
“The work of forgiveness requires the remembering of the event in the context of others who assist you to remember the additional alternative realities that we so often forget. Imagining Jesus being with you in the moment during which and after you were mistreated begins to literally change the nature of those neural networks that represent the fury of the hurt you initially felt. Over time the remembering of the hurtful event alongside the memory of Jesus and others who represent him begin to diffuse the intensity of the electrochemical signals of the hurtful memory, and open up opportunities for you to begin to construct a different possible future between you and the one who has hurt you. We then begin to see that remembering the event is really about the process of remembering it differently. Remembering it in a way that is eventually utterly transformed and transformational…reminding us that we are not really ever alone.
This takes time, effort, and plenty of help from those with whom you are practicing together to forgive not seven, but seventy times; to forgive, even as your Father in heaven has forgiven you.
Forgiveness. Who would have thought that there would be so much freedom in remembering? Sounds like something we should never forget.” – Dr. Curt Thompson, Forgive and Remember
5) Christmas Ads 2021 – I love Christmas commercials (or ads). All the twinkle lights and unfolding family gatherings or intimate moments. The compilation of Christmas ads below are all from 2021. Many are from European stores/businesses. Take your pick.Photo Credit: Glossiplanka 360
That’s it for this week. Please share a fave of your own from this week in the Comments. Thanks for stopping by. It is a joy for me to share in this together with you.
[If you want to see The Chosen Christmas – The Messengers but aren’t going back to theaters yet, it will be streaming soon free to all. Available on The Chosen app and we’ll see where else when it is announced.]
[Adapted from previous posts on parenting here and here.]
American Thanksgiving brings families and friends together for a big day of food, football, and (hopefully) fun. Social media this week will be crammed (at least in the US) with images of smiling people leaning in to pack the frame. What we don’t see is those sadly missing from the frivolity. Maybe it’s too far to travel. Or work claims too large a chunk of the day. Or another family’s turn this year. Or possibly, unfortunately, Thanksgiving is too complicated a day to spend all together.
By its very name, Thanksgiving is about being grateful for what we have – the food, good health, the other bounties of life, but most especially, our relationships. How thankful we are to be in the land of the living with those we love.
How do we communicate our love? How do we experience love from each other? Is it complete joy behind those smiles or is it also courage. Showing up even when it’s hard sometimes.
I’ve been learning more about this whole brain and relationship thing from two brilliant psychiatrists Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Curt Thompson.
Dr. Thompson has written a trilogy of powerful, ground-breaking books – Anatomy of the Soul, The Soul of Shame, and The Soul of Desire. He describes these books as exploring “how neuroscience relates to the ways we experience relationships, deep emotions like shame and joy and especially our own stories — and how we can process our longings and desire for spiritual connection with God and each other to live more fully integrated, connected lives.”
Such good books!
Thompson refers often to Dr. Siegel’s “4 S’s of Attachment-Based Parenting“. Those S’s relate to what we communicate to our children even as infants but throughout life. We want them to know they are “safe and seen” and to experience being “soothed and secure”. This is especially poignant when we introduce the word “No” into the great adventure of their lives. No…and discipline as they get bigger.
Now…fast forward to adulthood. OK…maybe your childhood (or parenting) had some tough spots or (for parents) regret. We can’t go back…we can’t fix what got broken. We can still learn to love well today. Siegel’s 4 S’s, referenced in his book The Power of Showing Up, primarily relate to parenting. However, he and Thompson both talk about these 4 experiences being needed throughout our lives. Take a look at the briefest explanations of them below:
As adults, we want the same things – to be safe (no “bracing for impact” in relationships), to be seen (truly known by those most significant in our lives), to be soothed (our emotions understood and acknowledged, without judgment, even when they are big and out of proportion), and secure (that no matter what, we are loved. Our persons are NOT leaving the room).
Whatever we may have experienced as children, we can alter our present. Whatever we did as young and overwhelmed parents, we can move, with love and insight, to a better situation with our kids. The past is just that…the past. We can be truly with each other, in the here and now…if we are brave and willing to be humble.
Something to think about during Thanksgiving week. Let’s don’t miss those people across the table or room from us. The ones we are missing…because for whatever reason, they are not there…let’s figure out how to show up in their lives, in meaningful, redeeming, and healing ways.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving Day with those you love…whether it’s your holiday or not. Thanks for showing up here.
Here we go: this week’s Friday Faves. Thanks for reading.
1) Work Songs – On a walk in the neighborhood this week, I pulled open the door of the little free library near us and discovered a tiny book. Its title and cover art were intriguing. It was Matt Johnson‘s Work Songs. I tucked it in my pocket and finished my walk, thinking about some of the work songs of my day: The Eagles’ Get Over It or Bachman & Turner’s Takin’ Care of Business or Sam Cooke’s Chain Gang or Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5 or Rose Royce’s Car Wash. However, it is not a volume about work songs, per se, but more about the lack of them in our current culture. Johnson has written a book of true stories of notables through decades. People who may have been considered ordinary to begin with but who persevered in the work of their day. He (and they through these short essays) teach us lessons on the impact possible when both individuals and connected groups stay at it and refuse to be dissuaded from their task or their vision.
“For as long as we’ve had language as a species, we’ve actually had music for the work we do,” he says. “We’ve actually, for a long time, had music that actually created meaning — not just unify the sort of actions in the job of the people, but it actually gave them a bigger context for the work they were doing. And what’s interesting is, if you look at the evolution of that, modern work absolutely has no song.” – Matt Johnson
2) People Who Inquire – Psychiatrist Curt Thompson preached a sermon in the Spring of this year on the topic “Generational Trauma, Shame & Redemption”. While on errands, I was listening and actually had to pull the car over to capture one quote in particular.
“One of the most important developmental experiences for us, not only as children but that continues for us as adults, is to have others inquire of us and teach us to be people who do the same…Who is inquiring of you?” – Curt Thompson, MD – Generational Trauma, Shame & Redemption
We are told as parents of adult children not to give unsolicited advice. Same actually with friends and coworkers. I get how wary our grown children might be to seek advice because then there is the perceived expectation they must follow it. What happens when young people (and older ones) inquire of others about life and what their experiences have been? Instead of going straight for the advice offering, our inquiring and listening can be a springboard can encourage and embolden toward wise decision-making. It is a joy to see people inquire of others – wanting to know them in deeper ways as well as wanting to know how more deeply to follow God in life.
In his sermon, Thompson used a passage out of the book of the Prophet Jeremiah.
Thus says the Lord , “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.'”– Jeremiah 6:16
In the text, Jeremiah is challenging the people of Israel to take four actions as they proceed in life, especially in situations when they aren’t sure of the direction or struggle with making a sound decision. He says to:
Stand – when we come to a fork in any road (relationally or situationally), we should stop. We don’t have to have a knee-jerk response. We are not bound to take a direction we always have in the past. We stop…we stand…and
Look (or examine) – we take a breath. We count the cost. We consider.
Ask (or inquire) – Inquiring in this passage is done as a people not just an individual. We inquire of each other. We inquire of the Lord. We seek counsel. We explore the thinking of the others. We consider.
Walk in the good way. – Then, and only then, do we continue on. We do so with confidence and hopefully with peace and a pure heart…that we have considered God’s definition of what way is good, and we have considered those on the paths with us…not making assumptions but inquiring what is their thinking on the paths before them.
Jeremiah tells the people, if they will “stand…look…ask/inquire …and then walk (in the good path…God’s path, not our own self-serving or impulsive path) – we will have “rest for (y)our souls“.
The sad part of this verse is the last phrase: “But they said, ‘We will not walk in it’.” What makes us break with each other and/or with God? What makes us determined to go our own way, no matter where it leads?
In our culture today, the inclination is toward self-sufficiency and self-determination. We don’t know each other as we might if we would but lean in and inquire of (get to know, truly know) each other. We might do this on a small scale with those very closest to us, but on a larger “people of God” scale, we are what? Disinterested?
4) A Rightful Memorial – A dear friend of ours died recently and his family arranged a fitting celebration of life. This 91-years-young man was a delight to his family and friends. He took so much joy in the people in his life and the work he relished in his long career. With faltering health and mounting years, his family knew time was precious and did all they could to be very present in his life. I wish I could provide an image of his crinkly, smiling eyes. All I can say is that he took joy in life. His family and friends took joy in his.
Funerals these days aren’t always treated as the opportunity to salute these passing figures entering into eternity. It’s a pity. Our friend (who I don’t identify by name to protect privacy) would himself have been pleased and humbled by this one. Military honors (including an honor guard, presenting the flag, and the shooting of three volleys) were an appropriate part of his funeral, given his military service, followed by his long years as a deep sea tugboat captain. The reading of Scripture and singing of hymns and remembrances from friends were all a part. The pastor spoke of his life and our friend’s relationship to Christ. We prayed and wiped tears away and counted ourselves blessed to know this friend, gone too soon at 91. See you again, dear Brother.
5) A Christmas Tree – For many, an early start on Christmas is just wrong. Sorry, not sorry. We start listening to Christmas music in October. Starting to decorate by mid-November is not to laud this holiday above all others. Simply, it is hard to pack in all the joy and remembering that come with Christmas in just the confines of one month. Our main Christmas tree is still stored. It will be covered with white lights and ornaments celebrating the birth of Jesus. [It actually stays up right through February 14 – Valentine’s Day – changing out the nativities to hearts and snowy winter ornaments.]
The Christmas tree we do have up (see images below) is one of a vintage feel. Colored lights (LED but reminiscent of my childhood). Ornaments depicting eras gone-by, storybook characters, and symbols of the past that continue to lift our hearts.
My parents’ names on quilted ornaments
Is your tree up? There’s still plenty of time… The lights have been a sweet respite from the darkness coming so early these days.
AND…for those who would appreciate a nod to our American Thanksgiving – the Hot Turkey Bowl at Wawa’s is amazing!
Nokia to Release New Version of Its 6310 ‘Brick Phone’ – Andrew Court – This is so exciting if you are really wanting to get less screen intrusion in your life and just use your phone as a phone. It does have a camera but less than what we’ve become used to. Watching for its arrival in the US after its introduction to the UK market.
[With permission, the Instagram post below made me smile all over. That sweet girl and the amazing breakfast displayed. I miss Moroccan cafe breakfasts!!!]
God put me in the middle of boys with a mom who loved us completely and a father of whom I have little memory. His relationship with us was not one of outright abuse but neglect and eventual abandonment. When I was five, my exhausted mom divorced this never-working man. She would later explain that action as simply “just one less mouth to feed”. She soon after came back to faith in Christ and brought us with her (unchurched until then). Our dad had long since disappeared from our lives.
Fast forward to the present: married to a man who deeply loves the Lord and loves us well also. We have three adult children and two added by marriage, and now four precious grandchildren.
All our parents (including a beloved step-dad) are gone except for Dave’s exquisite praying mom.
Sandwiched between adult kids and older parents is where we are, and I’m grateful. In fact, I think about our kids and their littles (and some of you) now in this same season, just a different generation.
The room is delightfully crowded (not without challenge) with multiple generations – each bringing extended families of their own. So many faces and so many voices.
Every family member (and each of us in that family) has great value to God. His desire for us is to bear the fruit of His love (Galatians 5:22-23) – making it beautifully tangible to others. He is with us in this.
What if our parents made life hard for us either by trauma or, as adults, by intrusion or neglect? Or what if we find ourselves in awkward places in our adult children’s lives? These “what if’s” make us want to pull ourselves out of obedience to God, as we feel justified by our pain to distance ourselves from some in our family. The ripple effect of pulling away is wide-reaching in a family. Wider than we can imagine.
Even when relationships are healthy, the heavy responsibility of parenting young children puts its strain on our precious adult children. We feel the pull – torn between kiddos and our olders or others (sibling families, too). We also model for next generations what family looks like. How we handle the hard is quite probably how they will handle the hard.
We all choose, consciously or not, from among four ways to engage with or disengage from our families.
Embrace. We can trust God with the families He has given us. We can love them well. We forgive and seek forgiveness. We spend time with each other and attune to how God sees them. We who share adult space try to find the balance of loving each other well without our own preferences getting in the way. The older ones will only be with us for a moment. They have stories and history and lives that matter. Our younger ones also grow up and have their own families and life pressures. We extend ourselves in both directions – up and down.
Debase/Disgrace. Sometimes members of our family wrong us or another beloved family member. We “triangle” talking about them with others, without them being present. Their behavior may warrant our disdain. We are tempted to debase them privately or disgrace them publicly. However, God is not finished with them or they wouldn’t still be here. Wisdom is to take our sorrows to God and appeal for Him to help us love these hard-to-love ones. He is able. It helps to remember we may also be the ones not so easy to love. [I forget that sometimes.]
Replace. We are tempted to completely replace hard family members with friends. Adult friendships are such a gift from God. They fill in empty places in our hearts. They can actually help empower us to love and live like Jesus with these family members. Or they can usurp their place in our lives. Friends, help bolster our resolve, as we choose to “stay in the room” with family members. Let’s be that one who is not going anywhere – that picture of Christ for these.
Give Grace. This is similar to “Embrace” but with God-guided boundaries in place. The Word is full of instruction, like Colossians 3:12-14. Living between olders and youngers, I want to be that one who gives grace both ways. Speaking love often and always. Not judging or applying pressure. We can choose to honor one another, which, in turn, honors God. Giving grace includes giving grace to ourselves.
[One last pic – my mom, our youngest son, and me sandwiched between them & behind the camera – wishing I could roll back the years to when she was still here. Embrace & give grace. The years rush by.]
Hi All! Friday Faves on a Monday after a busy Friday-Sunday weekend. Go!
1) “Fly Me to the Moon” Finger-style – After Nathan posted his Squid Game medley, he was asked to do a stand-alone “Fly Me to the Moon”. Here it is! The jazzy, up-beat rendition is so fun!
2) Costly Grudges – Is there someone you struggle to like or be in their company? Would you say it’s a grudge, either originating from you or that person? Grudges rupture relationships. They have a negative impact not just on that relationship, but potentially on others as well. Not to mention, their impact on your own health.
“Happy people live longer. Improve your happiness by practicing “epistemic humility,” an intellectual virtue predicated on the idea that one can’t ever know something for sure. It’s meant to help us admit our imperfections and forgive others. Sounds too good to be true in the 2020s? All the more reason to give it a try.”
When we start to feel a grudge brewing, or we make the first strike and cause the rift with another person, the situation is greatly helped by some measure of humility. We don’t know everything about what just happened. In the midst of a quarrel, assessments are feverishly being made and the tendency is that they favor one over the other. If we treat a disagreement with humility, with the understanding that we can’t fully know what is going on with the other person in the argument, then we stand a better chance of some sort of resolution.
Worth the effort…including the perk of adding to one’s longevity.
3) Building Focus – Focus is like muscle; it has to be built through exercise. I struggle with attending issues. To come across some simple tasks to add to life and aid focus is a happy occurrence.
“We can learn to focus better, but we need to think about attention differently. It is not something we can just choose to do. We have to train the brain like a muscle. Specifically, with short bursts of daily exercises.” – Eleanor Morgan
Morgan posts some of the mental exercises that Dr. Jha prescribes, including the 5 tips below:
Pay attention to your breath, and where on your body you feel it most: direct your focus like a beam of light. Do this for three minutes a day, for a week.
Integrate this technique into everyday life – for example, brushing your teeth. If you’re thinking about your to-do list as you’re scrubbing, bring the light back. Focus on the sensations.
A lot of people report that their mind is “too busy.” Your job is not to stop it – your job is to exist with it, and to place your attention back where you want it.
Ignore “mindfulness myths”: you are not “clearing your mind.” This is an active mental workout.
There is no “blissed-out” state you are aiming to experience; in fact, the whole point is to be more present to the moment. – Eleanor Morgan
I love the idea of being present in the moment…rather than the angst of the past or the unknown of the future. Sure, we have to plan, but the present is a much-neglected experience, and it’s really the only one we truly have. Right this very minute.
4) “Don’t Leave Crumbs” – So crumbs aren’t anything we want to leave behind (unless you are the fairy tale pair, Hansel and Gretel. The wildly successful actor and author Matthew McConaughey talked about “crumbs” in a university commencement speech he gave in 2015.
“Don’t leave crumbs,” he says. “What are crumbs? The crumbs I’m talking about are the choices we make that make us have to look over our shoulder in the future….They come in the form of regret, guilt, and remorse – you leave ’em today, they will cause you more stress tomorrow, and they disallow you from creating a customized future in which you do not have to look over your shoulder.” – Matthew McConaughey
Relationally, this reminds me of an adage “Keep your accounts short”. This means that your name is safe on my lips, and that I will make a practice of refusing to think ill of you. Keeping accounts short. Leaving no uncomfortable crumbs behind us in relationships or work/play practices.
In McConaughey’s speech he also gave 5 pieces of wisdom:
Don’t fall into the entitlement trap.
Never say anything is “unbelievable”.
Seek joy, not happiness.
Define success for yourself.
Make decisions you’ll be happy about tomorrow.
He gives more rationale and commentary in the larger speech (linked above). He also used these same points in another talk, incorporating his faith as well. The messages of both seem blended in an artful (10 minute) video. Below.
5) Fall & All – It is my favorite season – Fall or autumn. I just want to close with some images of this brief and beautiful repose between Summer and Winter. It goes so fast and I am savoring it every way possible (except for adding anything pumpkin-flavored to coffee. I just can’t).
For me, Fall ushers in Christmas (American Thanksgiving sitting right in between), so I’m completely ok with the mix of all this beauty.
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That’s the Faves for this week. Thanks so much for stopping by. You encourage me…put your own Faves in the Comments below. Until next time.
Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith…Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. – Hebrews 10:22a, 23
This Sunday, our worship team (at Movement Church) led us in singing one of our family’s favorite hymns: Blessed Assurance by Fanny Crosby. The lyrics are powerful and the chorus, “This is my story; this is my song”, illuminates our shared experience of Christ.
Crosby (1820-1915) was an American songwriter. In fact, she’s considered American’s “hymn queen“. She wrote the lyrics to more than 8000 hymns. Many in church today do not sing the hymns of old, but even my millennial era children know all the words to Crosby’s Blessed Assurance.
Blind all her life, Crosby’s physical eyes were dark but her spiritual vision was crystal clear. She commented often how if she’d been sighted she might have missed the depth of awareness of God and His nearness to her. [Autobiography of Fanny Crosby]
She was one who knew God – who saw Him with eyes that couldn’t see anything else. And at some point, early in her life, she became one who only had eyes for Him…and that intimacy is reflected in her hymns. God Himself is marvelously magnified in her hymns.
Our story is framed by the great creative work of God and His redemptive work of a sinful people. In the first passages in Genesis, we are introduced to our Creator God and to our original parents, Adam and Eve. They were without sin, naked and unashamed.
The length of time during which Adam and Eve lived in sinless fellowship with God and each other is not recorded in Scripture. The hymn “Blessed Assurance” could have been their song.
When tempted to sin by the Evil One (Genesis 3), the beauty of their lives was shattered. Satan, with great cunning, persuaded Eve that maybe God was holding something back from her. Maybe He wasn’t wholly good. Maybe He didn’t trust her, and then maybe (she surmised), she shouldn’t trust him.
Adam was right beside her, but seemingly did nothing.
In Genesis 3, it is recorded that they disobeyed the one thing God told them not to do. One thing. When they took of the forbidden fruit, their eyes were open (and not in a way that they could well handle). Then their nakedness became a point of shame.
They knew they had disobeyed God, and when He came near to them, they hid from Him. This would have been a good time to confess their wrong-doing to a God who had given them nothing but beauty. Yet they did not. Adam accused Eve as the cause, and Eve accused the Evil One.
I wonder how it might have gone if they had borne the responsibility of their sin before God. Would the consequences have been different.
When they ate the fruit in disobedience to God, they experienced the beginning of death as He said they would. Oh, they were still alive, but a dreadful scenario began to play out. Separation from God and a breach between Adam and Eve as well. Brokenness reigned.
God knows us. He comes to find us. We can trust Him to deal with our sin as He has told us He would. He has given us a way back to Him. We have blessed assurance of all that in Jesus. Praise His name.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.*
