Worship Wednesday – Winter Jam – a Worship Fest

Blog - Winter Jam - the pncarenaPhoto Credit: PNC Arena

It is good to give thanks to the LORD and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your loving kindness in the morning and Your faithfulness by night. Psalm 92:1-2

Concerts in large venues with thousands of people aren’t really my idea of a good time. Way too many people, music so loud I can feel it in my chest (that can’t be healthy), and expensive tickets. Just too many obstacles to a sweet musical experience. Then a few years ago, while our family lived in Morocco, we attended a weekend concert event called Friendship Fest. Blog - Friendship Fest 2

It was amazing to stand in this huge crowd of Moroccans and others (us being among the others), listening to bands we loved and bands we would love afterwards.

I haven’t been to such an event since then, but now I’m rethinking this…especially after seeing the concert film highlighting the Winter Jam Tour Spectacular.

Winter Jam is an enormous production of Christian bands and solo artists who tour together, providing a raucous, joyful evening of music and worship. Winter Jam has been around since 1995 when first started by NewSong with the goal of bringing Christian music (and the Gospel message) to a wider audience. They did this through using larger venues and dropping ticket/admission prices to a voluntary donation.Blog - Winter jam - NewSongPhoto Credit: Winter Jam Tour 2016

It worked.

Even today, thanks to a large host of national partners/sponsors, the Winter Jam Tour is still very affordable ($10 donation).

Some of my favorite artists were in this year’s Winter Jam Tour – David Crowder, Matthew West, and For King & Country. Blog - Winter jam - David CrowderBlog - Winter Jam - Matthew WestBlog - Winter Jam - For King & CountryPhoto Credit: Winter Jam Tour

Winter Jam is not just a concert…it’s a worship fest. Somehow I have missed being aware of this tour, but after seeing the film, I hope to go next time…clearly it’s not just an event to attend, but to experience God within.

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Going Deeper with Jesus – Winter Jam

Just Breathe – Writing as Solace and More

Blog - Writing as Solace - writetodonePhoto Credit: Write to Done

Too much to do, and no time to write. Not a fan of these kinds of days. Still…it is what it is, and my time in front of a screen or blank page is limited by necessity today. And the next few days.

Just breathe.

As Maugham puts it, “Writing is the supreme solace.” I wouldn’t go that far, because prayer and community take writing down the list to #3. I do miss it when it can’t fit into the day.

Writing brings order to my thoughts. As an extrovert leaning toward introversion as I get older, the thoughts pinging around in my brain don’t seem always to make sense until they’re out in conversation or writing. Even in conversation, I’m not sure if it does justice to those thoughts.

So I write.

Today there is no time. The “real world” presses in and I welcome it…with its women and children, and errands, and laundry. If I don’t see my neighbor’s backyard azaleas today, they will be gone. My friend whose son is having surgery may need me later, so I must keep space in the day for her.

Small and large things keep me from writing today…even from thinking deeply…so I leave you now. Life, instead of writing about life, is the order of the day. Thank you for spending these moments with me, Reader Friend. You must understand about words.Blog - Spring Flowers Flowering Trees

Hope and Solace: Advice for Writers

Quotes on Solace – GoodReads

Why I Write – Jessica Morrell

YouTube Video – Breathe by Johnny Diaz with Lyrics

Worship Wednesday – With Hope – Steven Curtis Chapman

Blog - Heath Funeral - Grieving with hopeWe do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.    –            1 Thessalonians 4:13

It’s been quite some time since I attended a funeral. Not that we haven’t lost dear friends in the last few years…but we lived far away at the time and just didn’t go. This time…when Heath died…we went.

Death is something no one wants to have to look on full-face. There’s no way really to polish it up. It is our final enemy. Our temptation is to remove ourselves as far from suffering and death as we can. When someone you love is on this path, then how can we do anything else but enter in…?

Heath lived 15 months or so with a devastating, killing cancer. That in itself was a miracle. When he died, a small loving family is left to figure out a new normal for their lives. They won’t be alone in this.

How thankful I am that God draws close to His children in the daily and in death. Heath’s wife and children will have what they need to face what comes next. God is faithful. God is good.

When a gifted, lovely 42-years-young man dies, leaving a wife and three little girls, can we say in this that God is good? If we cannot, then we never can. We cannot see what God sees, but we know from experience and from His Word that He will work good out of every situation in His children’s lives…every. single. situation.

Heath understood that, and he lived it. His family does as well.

You might not think that a funeral can be a joyous thing. I don’t cry easily. Maybe after so many of our own losses, maybe after years of cancer nursing…tears just don’t come at the usual times. During Heath’s funeral, I couldn’t stop them from rolling down. Out of love and out of loss…but also out of wonder at the beauty of God’s care and character.

With Hope is a song written by Steven Curtis Chapman in 2008 after the accidental death of his 5 y/o daughter, Maria. The tribute video for Heath at his funeral featured this song as the soundtrack and it was so right. Somehow, especially in times of loss, God weaves a deep hope into our faith. I saw it in Heath’s family…and I experienced it myself. God is good…always.

Worship with me.

This is not at all
How we thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We has so many dreams
But now you’ve gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you

And we can cry with hope
We can say good-bye with hope
‘Cause we know our good-bye is not the end
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God’s plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father smile and say ‘well done.’
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
‘Cause now your home
And now your free

[Chorus]

We have this hope as an anchor
‘Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true

[Chorus]

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope*Blog - HeathPhoto Credit: Facebook

Postscript: Toward the end of Heath’s funeral, a solitary musician with guitar began to sing Come to Jesus We, in that gathering, were all suspended in our thoughts of Heath, sad in our loss of him and full of joy that he was Home with the Lord. In the emotion of that moment, the singer, just into the first verse of that beautiful, soulful song, faltered. He willed his voice to continue but couldn’t. Even as his voice gave away, soft voices in the congregation took up where he left off. He strummed the guitar, and we sang…quietly, full of reverence at the meaning of all before us.

It is what we find in the truest experience of the Family of God and the grace of God. We all falter sometimes…we all fall. He lifts us up – either through the hands and voices of others, or by His own hand and word. He carries us. He helps us see beyond the pain and wretchedness of an unbelievable loss…to the glory of that life, of our lives, and His glory reflected in them.

Hallelujah!

*Lyrics to With Hope by Steven Curtis Chapman

Steven Curtis Chapman

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” – 1 Peter 1:3-9

5 Friday Faves – Parental Pressures, Global Leadership Summit Highlights, Tim Ferriss, NCAA Championship Highlights, & American Idol Finale

Blog - Friday Faves

Friday, again. Hope you had a wonderful week or, at least, now maybe you can recover from it. These are my 5 favorite finds this week – very different from each other. Enjoy the rest of your day and sweet weekend.

1) Parental Pressures –  Bunmi Laditan is the author of The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Parenting. In a piece for Huffington Post, she declares “I’m done making my kids’ childhood magical.” I loved it because the pressure parents feel today to make their children’s lives magical is so unnecessary. The pressures from Pinterest and other social media seep into our family cultures and place undue expectations on us to escalate birthday parties, vacations, after-school activities to “better and better, more and more”.  To what end? Fortunately for me as a mom, our oldest was extraordinarly creative and led in our children all playing well together as children. They performed plays with little figures which they drew and cut out. When it was too hot for outside play, living in Cairo, Egypt, they roller-skated in apartment hallways . OK, so we did get to live in extraordinary places. They have gotten to experience 5 of the 11 Epcot Center countries without going to Disney World yet. So they have had an advantage in that. Magical, however, was never a goal of ours for their childhood. Like Laditan says, “Childhood is inherently magical” already.  So I say hats-off to you parents who give your children occasions for great whimsy and delight, and hats-off to you who can also keep it simple. Hands in the dirt. Fishing with grandpa. Learning a second language. P.S. Laditan’s article How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy Steps is hysterical (even for that weary parent).Blog - Parenting in EgyptBlog - Christie, Nathan, & Daniel in Turkey

2) Global Leadership Summit Highlight – Best money we have spent for a conference in recent years. Bill Hybels brings together great leaders to speak on a wide range of topics suited for any of us in positions of authority/influence – on business, community, service, relationships, and the world. You can register right here for the 2016 summit. We attended at a satellite location less than 30 minutes from home.Blog - Global Leadership Summit - 2016Photo Credit: Willowcreek

Brian Dodd’s 150 Leadership Quotes from Bill Hybels from the Global Leadership Summit (2013-2015 Leadership Summits)

Also: Slideshare by Maruay Songtanin entitled The 100 Greatest Leadership Principles of All Time

3) Tim Ferriss on becoming an effective CEO – Well, Tim Ferriss didn’t write this one, although he teaches us tons of fascinating stuff through his Four Hour Work Week blog. This topic was covered by a guest on his blog – Chip Conley, author of Emotional Equations: Simple Truths for Creating Happiness + Success. Conley entered the hospitality industry in his 20’s and developed a strong ideology of valuing the intangible. He even became known as Chief Emotions Officer. [I can hear the eyes rolling.] Still, for those of you in leadership who are willing to learn something out of your comfort zone, learn from Chip Conley. Not necessarily about Buddhism or Maslow, but about employee engagement, work culture, and customer service.Blog - Child Conley - Emotional equationsPhoto Credit: True North Leadership

Leaders who don’t at least have processes in place to address such matters for their employees and customers have blinders on. Just sayin’. I wrote on another innovative and excellent hotelier, Horst Schulze, on a similar topic – world-class customer service.

TED Talk – Chip Conley on Measuring What Makes Life Worthwhile

How to Become an Effective CEO: Chief Emotions Officer

4) NCAA Championship Highlights – This year’s March Madness ended with basketball greatness with the game between Villanova and North Carolina. Both tremendous teams and a battle to the end for the NCAA Championship. Such an incredible game! Villanova pulled out the victory in the last seconds. Blog - NCAA Championship - Basketball - woodtvPhoto Credit: WoodTV

If you didn’t see the game or want to just replay the great moments of the game, here are the highlights:

5) American Idol Finale – American Idol is over and I will miss it. I wasn’t a forever fan, but this farewell season has been fascinating from first to finish. On the final show, there were two hours of past winners, contestants, and judges showcased with lots of Hollywood hoopla. Also, the winner of this, the final season was revealed. This year’s American Idol is La’Porsha…..nope. It is Trent. I was surprised, although he is a completely amazing singer. Maybe it wasn’t so surprising as the culture of American Idol is driven by the voting of social-media savvy young people (I’m thinking) – possibly more girls (again, a guess). Handsome Dalton Rapattoni‘s fans, after his elimination, may have rolled their votes over to handsome Trent Harmon. Or, as the mic picked up one of them saying to the other as they hugged after the announcement: “It was God’s will.” La’Porsha Renae had to be a bit disappointed not to win. She is magnificent, and the only place she is going is up in the music world. She and Trent both got record contracts, so good news!AMERICAN IDOL: Host Ryan Seacrest, Contestant La'Porsha Renae and Trent Harmon during the AMERICAN IDOL Finale airing Thursday, April 7 (8:00-10:06 PM ET Live/PT tape-delayed) on FOX. © 2016 FOX Broadcasting Co. Cr: Ray Mickshaw/FOX

Here’s a sample of La’Porsha’s gift. Don’t miss her, because she is a rising star, destined for wherever God and that voice will take her.

Then there’s Trent…also incredibly gifted and ready for the music industry. Don’t miss his interpretation of Sia‘s Chandelier.

lastly, here, quite poignantly is the announcement of the winner, the last song, and the last goodbye…for now.

Trent Harmon Wins Last American Idol Ever – TV Guide piece by Liam Mathews with Finale Highlights

‘American idol’ Names Harmon its Final Winner – Bill Keveney, USA Today

Heath Has Finished His Race…

Praying for Heath 4Blog - Grace - Brandi & HeathHowever, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.  Acts 20:24

We all assume we will live long on this earth…but it doesn’t always work that way. For this reason, we are inspired to live as if our years will be short here. Heath did that…

Our friend Heath had the kind of disease that kills people. Don’t even Google it. The thing is…Heath had too much to live for to stop living because of a horrific diagnosis. He lived hard and with all his heart until the day he would come to the end of his earthly life…which was today.

It’s almost impossible to find a picture of him without his family. I decided not to post images of his sweet kids but you will see them in the video below. If ever there was one identified as a family man it was/is Heath. You just always clumped them together…what a joy that was for all of us…and for him.

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.  1 Timothy 6:12

Heath

Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. – 1 Corinthians 9:13

It’s just been a couple of hours since we heard of his Homegoing so I really don’t have many words…except to say thank you, Heath. For your life of faithfulness. For your enduring love for God, your family, friends, and the people with whom you worked and neighbored here in the US and overseas. Thank you, for the kindness of your heart and your fierce courage. Thank you, for staying fully in this life for as long as you could. You will be missed something awful. Your legacy has only begun.

A very close friend of Heath and his family posted this video on YouTube. Thanks, Wray, for this.

For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing. – 2 Timothy 4:6-8

Heath fought a good fight; he finished his course; he kept the faith… for us there is still a race to be run…and to finish.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. – Hebrews 10:23

YouTube Video – When It’s All Been Said and Done – Robin Mark

Postscript – We do not fight our battles or run our races alone…how thankful I am for a loving and all-powerful God who draws near in our distresses. He is perfect in how He saves and gives us aid. Heath did not live as long as we would have desired, but he lived so well. God healed him on the other side…I don’t understand that and won’t until Heaven, but I trust God in this. He gives His children what we need always. What God gave Heath was Himself and a wife, parents, children, physicians, and friends who fought hard for him and with him as he battled this cancer. May they know the tenderness of God’s presence now as before…and may they know, as Heath knows now, the “Well done” in the knowledge that they did all they could do.

Worship Wednesday – Knowing You, Jesus – Graham Kendrick

Blog - Knowing You - surpassing worth of knowing Christ - slidesharePhoto Credit: Slideshare

Whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—  that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,  that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Philippians 3:7-12

When the Apostle Paul wrote to the Philippian church, he wrote from prison. He loved this church and wanted to encourage them to stay true to the teachings of Christ, in humility and unity together. As he wrote about the surpassing worth of knowing Christ, he listed out some of his own qualifications of renown(Philippians 3:3-6) …and counted them as rubbish, filth, dung in comparison.

Cliff Jordan, lead pastor of Movement Church, taught on this passage this week (podcast here). At one point, Cliff pointed us to the things we value in life and how sin relates to that. If we kill an ant, we don’t consider that as much because of the value of the ant. Then he moved to higher and higher objects of value and our level of loathing when we sin against those (a museum piece, a neighbor’s pet, a child…the Lord Himself). It was a powerful teaching.

Our tendency is to discount our sin, or even how we spend our time, other resources, or our words… It’s not so bad… When we are lavished with the opportunity and experience of truly knowing and experiencing God through Christ, the Messiah…how can we squander that? How can we allow the lesser of this life to crowd out the greater?

We, as a family, first sang Graham Kendrick’s song Knowing You as newcomers to Cairo, Egypt, in 1995. We sang it along with Brits, Australians, Egyptians, Americans and a smattering of other internationals at the Heliopolis Community Church. Blog - Heliopolis Community Church

Photo Credit:  HCC Cairo

Our experience of Jesus, through this song and this Scripture, was deepened more when our young friend Genessa led worship in our house group. She would sit at a keyboard, singing that song to Jesus, tears flowing down her face, as if no one else was in the room but her…and Him. As young as she was, she understood the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus. Genessa would not be long in this world, dying months later in a bus accident in the desert of the Sinai. Genessa with team

Her love for God is her legacy still in all of our lives who knew her. Now her joy is complete as she worships the Lord face-to-face. We remember her…and we understand God more…in this song.

Today, I see the worth of Christ much more clearly…thanks to Cliff, and Genessa, and others’ lives full of God. I also see His worth through His Word and the testimony of those who knew Him personally…who saw Him, witnessed His greatness, and wrote it down for the generations to follow. the best part of all is I see His worth because of His own sweet presence in my life. The more we seek and savor Him…the more we see His perfect love and generous goodness…and everything else in our life? In its place…lesser in the face of His greater, all-surpassing worth.

Worship with me:

All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus
Knowing you, there is no greater thing
You’re my all, you’re the best
You’re my joy, my righteousness
And I love you, Lord

Now my heart’s desire is to know you more
To be found in you and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All-surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh, to know the power of your risen life
And to know You in Your sufferings
To become like you in your death, my Lord
So with you to live and never die

Lyrics to Knowing You by Graham Kendrick @1993 Make Way Music

Story Behind the Song Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear) by Graham Kendrick

American Idol – Season 15 – This is Why I Watch

AMERICAN IDOL: Top 24: Top row: Jeneve Rose Mitchell, Shelbie Z, CJ Johnson, La'Porsha Renae, James VIII, Jenn Blosil, Stephany Negrete, Adam Lasher, Sonika Vaid, Kory Wheeler, MacKenzie Bourg, Olivia Rox, Tristan McIntosh   Middle row: Jordan Sasser, Trent Harmon   Bottom row: Jenna Renae, Amelia Eisenhauer, Gianna Isabella, Lee Jean, Avalon Young, Dalton Rapattoni, Emily Brooke, Thomas Stringfellow, Manny Torres. © 2016 FOX Broadcasting Co. Cr: Michael Becker / FOXPhoto Credit: StarPulse

This is my last week of watching reality TV. After 15 seasons, American Idol, with Ryan Seacrest as host, is going off the air. I’ve only watched a handful of those seasons, but somehow, while living overseas, I watched Kelly Clarkson win the competition on Season 1. She had an incredible voice and stage presence then, and has only gotten better.

Why do I still watch Idol when I can? OK, first there is the whole premise of the show – giving talented young people this wild opportunity to have stardom within their grasp. All the grooming, the coaching, the stretching of a reality show. I’m sure there is tons of stuff behind the scenes that I wouldn’t love…but it’s fascinating to watch these young performers deal with the pressures, make friends, and hone their craft.

Then there’s the panel of judges – Keith Urban, Harry Connick, Jr., and Jennifer Lopez. They’re gorgeous, brilliantly talented, and smart. It’s fun to watch them, except this year it was a tad painful. This was their last year on American Idol, and there was an emotional undercurrent that surfaced occasionally. Sometimes testy, but most of the time, sentimental and sweet. I will miss them.Blog - American Idol - hide.me - judgesPhoto Credit: Hide.Me

Although the show’s system of selecting finalists is through social media voting, I am sure the judges influence that voting. Just like the blogger for AmericanIdolNet, I started picking how the Top 10 ranked based on the judges’ comments and enthusiasm or lack thereof. Our picks were very similar. Blog - American Idol - americanidolnetPhoto Credit: AmericanIdolNet

From the Top 24 (image at top of post) through to the last, the eliminations have been painful. Really lovely, gifted young singers/musicians. They all will carve out some measure of success given their crazy talent and winsomeness.

This week is the finale week. Three evenings of American Idol – from a special retrospective on all 15 years of the show, to the final competition between the Top 3, to the finale (when the winner of American Idol 2016 is revealed and the show has its last huge last hurrah).

I will be watching all three.

The remaining finalists in contention are all great performers. If you haven’t been keeping up with Idol, let me tell you just a bit about them.

Dalton Rapattoni is a vocal coach in Texas. He gets hair cut and colored at his grandmother’s beauty salon. Dalton has these puppy-dog eyes, a shy smile, and such a voice! On the last episode, he was sure he was going to be cut (even had written with marker on his hands the expressions: “I’m OK” and “It’s alright”). He didn’t get cut. Less than a minute later, he had to compose himself and perform God Only Knows (BeachBoys). This kid has such heart! Here’s the video from that performance:

Trent Harmon works in his family’s restaurant (with produce straight from their Mississippi farm). He has a killer voice with a unique and appealing quality (range and vibrato). Sick with mono early in the competition and without his family with him, he has toughed it out right to the end with huge support from the judges…which he deserves. Listen to him sing….wow!

Then there is La’Porsha Renae. Also from Mississippi, this 22y/o single mom of an adorable daughter is a powerhouse singer. Unless some voting fluke happens, she will be the last American Idol. All three of these finalists are extraordinary, but La’Porsha is the one…I believe. Two of her songs are in the videos below. She cries at the end of both (which didn’t happen with other songs, just so you know) – the first time, I think she was overwhelmed by the support of the audience; the second time, because it was a powerful benediction to her short marriage to an abusive husband. She has so much class….and this voice…and the hair? Hers, too.

That’s all the words I have…except for wanting to close with the video of Kelly Clarkson singing her latest “Piece by Piece” on American Idol. I actually love this live version much more than her official video. She tells the story of her dad leaving her family when she was 6 y/o. He left and didn’t look back. Interwoven in this incredible song is also a salute to her husband and the father of her daughter…a man who showed her how good a father could be. It’s beautiful…

So that’s my summary on this show…and why I watch. It’s a good season to end on…

This Week on American Idol 2016 – Series Finale and Three-Night Event Schedule

‘American Idol’ Finale Week Kicks Off with a Look Back at All 15 Seasons

Monday Morning Moment – How Our Expectations at Work Shape Our Successes

Blog - Expectations - slidesharePhoto Credit: SlideShare

A blog title intrigued me recently – Almost Everyone Who Is Unhappy with Life Is Unhappy for the Same Reasons. It was a re-post of a LinkedIn blog written by Dr. Travis Bradberry (author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0). He writes about the role of expectations (of ourselves and others) and the impact those expectations have on our work life and relationships.

I see this so much in myself and in relationships both at work and in community. On one end of the spectrum, there are the expectations that undermine our successes – we don’t think we have what it takes to realize our dreams or goals. [This can also include our expectations of others, in the same way, especially if our expectations influence those colleagues’ view of reality.] On the other end of the spectrum, we may have expectations that are so unreasonably and unrealistically positive that we don’t do the work of realizing those same dreams or goals. [Again, this works against relationships when we have these expectations of others.]

In his article, Bradberry lists 8 common expectations that impact our work life and work relationships. He lists them and talks about them. Here I have written my own observations related to these expectations.

As you read and reflect, Dr. Bradberry is not saying get rid of expectations, nor am I. Expectations when honest, thoughtful, and kind are great motivators toward success. The adage “Keep your expectations low and you will never be disappointed” doesn’t really get us where we want to go.

After you consider the following expectations and thoughts, I would love to hear some of yours (in the comments below).

  1. Life should be fair. I have never understood the lament “That’s not fair!” It really reveals the heart of “That’s not fair for me!” How do we even make life fair? Our children, growing up, were never rewarded when they cried foul on fairness. We tried to raise them to practice kindness and generosity. That usually led to better than fair. In fact, if we flipped fairness on its head, our western work situations and family lifestyles would be quite altered, if what was usual for other parts of the world became our usual. That would be fair, right?
  2.  Opportunities will fall into my lap. There are times that opportunities “fall” into our laps. I call it “a God thing”. Whatever you might call that, it is rare and wonderful. In the day-to-day, we are to go after opportunities. Sometimes our very expectations of entitlement or pessimism keep us from even seeing opportunities right in front of us). Continue working hard, build your skill-set, learn from mentors, help your colleagues, practice thinking well of your boss, and seek out challenging assignments – these are fields where opportunities grow.
  3. Everyone should like me. I have tripped over this expectation. We think our own foibles are so much less annoying than those of others. If I consider myself congenial, you should comply, right? [The fairness problem nudges in here, for sure.] Bradberry summarizes this workplace problem well: “When you assume that people are going to like you, you take shortcuts; you start making requests and demands before you’ve laid the groundwork to really understand what the other person is thinking and feeling.” Rather than expecting others to be won by our personality, expertise, and past experience, we should discipline ourselves to practice winning the trust of a colleague, boss or customer… every time, as if it were the first time. This is a game-changer.
  4. People should agree with me. We honestly don’t want to have to work for people to agree with us. In the workplace, whenever possible, our default is to hang with those who do agree with us. This temptation sets us up for failure because we don’t gain from the critique of those who see things differently. Put your vision or project before those in other departments and see with their eyes what you might have missed with your own. Granted, be wise with whose counsel you seek, but do the work of seeking that counsel. Then share credit as appropriate.
  5. People know what I’m trying to say. Emails and text messages are almost communication. In corporate culture, even meetings don’t always cultivate clear communication. Be as clear and succinct as possible. Don’t lose the message in a jumble of clarifiers, justification, or story-telling. I’m not saying story-telling isn’t valuable; it is. The problem with story-telling is it can be contrived to emotionally engage when it actually takes away from the message. Again Bradberry wrote: “Communication isn’t anything if it isn’t clear, and your communication won’t be clear until you take the time to understand the other person’s perspective.”Blog - Communication at work - cbbainsealcareersPhoto Credit: CB Bain Seal Careers

Having lived overseas, we discovered the importance of learning the local “heart language”. In a work situation, the same holds true. How you communicate is colored by the focus of the one you’re addressing – whether it’s about ROI/ROV, employee engagement, product development….or fill in the blank. You can learn to balance between being true to your own style or values and adapting somewhat to the person in front of you (as a chameleon communicator).

6. I’m going to fail. “If you pursue an endeavor, believe with all your being that you’re going to succeed in that endeavor.” – Bradberry    We all fail sometimes; having that perspective is healthy. The problem is when we are so insecure or self-deprecating, our colleagues, boss, or customers lose confidence in us, based on our own assessment of our abilities. Not something you want to ensure by your own hand. [Read the whole of Bradberry’s article to get at the heart of this.]

7. Things will make me happy. If you’re not happy at work today, there’s not one thing beyond yourself that can change that. Not a different boss, not a better team, not more vacation, not a higher salary. This is a work on the inside that has to change your experience of work on the outside. We all know this. We all know…this.

8. I can change him/her. Okay, if you’re married, you already know the futility of this statement (and your spouse can say the same thing, by the way). When we get our focus on that boss we don’t understand or that colleague who makes us nuts, we aren’t able to focus on our work or the relationships that encourage and empower us. So what if you can’t change that coworker or boss? Can you be successful in your work if he/she doesn’t change? Most probably, the answer is yes…whether it feels like it or not. We lose enormous time and emotional energy on colleagues with whom we struggle. If changing jobs isn’t plausible or desirable, then figure out how to compartmentalize the distractions, and get on with your work. You can be a rock star even with difficult work relationships. I don’t want to issue a bunch of platitudes…but it is disturbing how much is lost from our workday in ruminating over (or talking about) stuff we can’t change…when there is still so much we can accomplish. Don’t sideline yourself with brain clutter – negative thoughts that negatively affect your work and relationships.

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Keep those expectations high (for yourself) and hopeful (for others)! Happy Monday!

Unrealistic Expectations That Do You Harm – LinkedIn article by Travis Bradberry

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Quotes from GoodReads

Manage Expectations So They Don’t Manage You – Alli Worthington

The Key to Being More Attractive – Business Insider Video with Tony Robbins [Quote: “Trade your expectations for appreciation.”]

Set High Expectations Because Nobody Rises to Low Expectations – Barry Canada

The Expectation Effect – (in the classroom) – SlideShare

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Photo Credit: Amazon

5 Friday Faves – Compassionate Baristas, a Foster Child, Joey Feek’s Legacy, a Daredevil Guitar Arrangement, and a John Piper Sermon Jam

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How is it that Friday arrives every week with lightening speed?! Okay, maybe not for everyone…but be glad about that. I am left wondering again: where did the week go? Fortunately it did not pass by without leaving me with some treasures I’ll share with you.

1) Compassionate Baristas – You may have seen the story this week of Dutch Bros. Coffee baristas Pierce Dunn and Evan Freeman. They discovered that a woman in the car line waiting for her order was crying [her husband had died the night before]. They quickly reached out to her, and in a moment of grace-filled spontaneity prayed for her at the window. Her coffee was on the house. Sweet story and video.Blog - Friday Faves - Dutch Brothers pray for customer - March 2016Photo Credit: Daily Mail

2) A Foster Child – The circumstances that force children into foster care can be devastating and tragic. Nathaniel Matanick produced a magnificent short film,  entitled “ReMoved“, about the journey of a foster child (through her eyes). I watched it on Facebook this week and was so moved by the story – the heart-break and the hope. You can watch it here. Also, I just discovered Matanick has finished “ReMoved – Part 2“.Blog - Foster Child - childadvocatesPhoto Credit: Child Advocates

3) Joey Feek’s Legacy – When country singer Joey Feek died, she left behind her husband, Rory, and a darling 2 y/o daughter named Indy (Indiana). Indy has Down’s Syndrome…although the fact seemed irrelevant to their story. Last Fall, Joey realized she probably wouldn’t not survive the cancer and she quite deliberately began a self-less, loving process for Indy’s sake. This little girl who wanted to be with her all the time. This little girl who Joey loved more than anything. Joey began the painful process of intentionally becoming less in Indy’s life and opened up opportunity for Indy’s daddy, Rory, to become more to her. He writes magnificently about it in his blog. What a picture of great love! What a loss! What a legacy!Blog - Joey Feek - legacy - todayPhoto Credit: Today

4)  A Daredevil Guitar Arrangement – Nathan Mills of Beyond the Guitar just posted a new guitar arrangement of the theme from the Netflix TV show Daredevil. It is beautiful.

5) John Piper Sermon Jam – 3 minutes of powerful preaching about the perfect love of God for us and the deep cost of that love. Don’t miss it.

Hope you have a weekend ahead full of friends, family, and fun (which could mean just a few hours all by yourself). For those of you who celebrate Eastern/Orthodox Easter this weekend, Happy Easter!

“He is risen! He is risen indeed!”

P.S. I know a few men who have a man cave and are still wise (and possibly even great), but I loved this graphic all the same.Blog - Man CavePhoto Credit: Facebook

Would love to hear about your favorite finds of this week. In Comments. Thanks!

Flowers on a Spring Morning – Viburnum – Reminiscent of the Fresh and Fragrant Jasmine of North Africa

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There’s nothing like a Spring morning. The sun comes up and bounces light off the different flowering plants in the yard. As the birds start their wake-up singing, it’s as if the sun also turns up the fragrance of those flowers blessed with sweet scent.

Outside my kitchen window a large bush stands bare-branched all winter. By March, leaf shoots give way to soft green leaves. Then pink buds pop out, and as they open, clusters of soft white flowers unfold.2016 March - Spring Flowers - like Jasmine 004

This bush is a Viburnum. As best I can tell, it is a Viburnum carlesii ‘Aurora’ (aka Korean Spice Viburnum). There are many varieties of this flowering shrub and it grows in various spots around the world, including the Atlas Mountains of North Africa.

The flowers are lovely but the best part of this plant for me is its fragrance. It reminds me of the Jasmine flowers we enjoyed in all the countries we lived overseas (Egypt, Tunisia, and Morocco).

This morning, I pushed open the backdoor of our house to enter the yard. Coffee in hand, I wanted to just experience this brightening morning. The fragrance of that flowering Viburnum carried me back across the Atlantic – to a life lovingly tucked deep in my memory.

Breathing in the scent of our flowering Viburnum takes me back to Spring mornings in North Africa – with the sun streaming early through the bedroom windows. Then as now, I started my morning early, lingering in bed with coffee (thanks always, Dave), Bible, and journal. The slightest breeze would deliver that magical scent of Jasmine. The scent of Jasmine and the sounds of morning. Birds singing. Dogs barking on the street. The sellers passing by on bikes and donkey carts calling out their wares. The traffic noise building as the minutes went by. Still…the smell of Jasmine in three countries has stayed with me all these years.jasmine by boisdejasminPhoto Credit: BoisdeJasmin

In those days, the weariness of travel was brightened by a necklace of Jasmine bought with little from a seller at the airport or on the street. We would wear these little flower strands or place them around our rear-view mirror in the car. Sometimes sellers also had mini-bouquets of Jasmine. One of these tucked in a pocket or just carried could ease a hot, troubling day. Jasmine would become my favorite flower.

Jasmine necklace at atalorder (2)Jasmine - mabellereceptionPhoto Credit: Atalorder, Pinterest

We haven’t planted Jasmine yet, but my friend Kathy, in Tennessee, has it on her deck. I can practically smell it through her pictures.Blog - Jasmine - Kathy VisneskiPhoto Credit: Kathryn Visneski

The flowers of our Viburnum won’t last long.  In fact, this one week is its glorious high season. Because of the connection it gives me to our years of Jasmine, it’s like two flowers in one. The scent of one reminding me of the other. We are doubly blessed on these flowering Spring mornings.2016 March - Spring Flowers - like Jasmine 007

How To Start a Garden – Jen Miller of Jen Reviews