Category Archives: Emotions

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Monday Morning Moment – Attuned Listening to the Stories Wanting to Be Told

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Photo Credit: Tina Miroshnichenko, Pexels

We want to be good listeners, right? To hear what is truly being communicated. To stay with the person’s story. With its meaning to that person. Maybe even, as we listen deeply, to actually elevate that person’s comfort and capability to tell their story more truly… moving toward possible revelation, and, where needed, healing.

Over the last several months, I’ve been deep into studying about the brain/mind and how we process experience, memory, emotions, and trauma. “Deep” as defined, not by graduate study but, by reading and learning from seriously brilliant and practical therapists – the main one being Dr. Curt Thompson (you can find the blogs I’ve written on his content here).

Thompson recently spoke with Adam Young on Young’s podcast – The Place We Find Ourselves. It is Episode 115, entitled Why It’s So Important to Tell Your Story to an Attuned Listener.

When we are able to tell some part of our story, without fear of judgement, within a community and context of genuine care, transformation can result. How do we make this happen? By truly, deeply listening. Attuned. Without agenda.

Being attuned to a person sending us a message [telling us their story] means that we offer the other person our total attention and listen to them on a deeper level. We seek to understand rather than just making our own point, and this helps to reduce noise in the communication channel between us.

Attuning or ‘tuning in’ means refining your attention to the source of the information — just like you would do to a radio signal…Give them your complete attention and be open to what they are sending you in order to fully receive it.

Deep listening is a way of hearing in which we are fully present with what is happening at that moment without trying to control it or manipulate it. When we reduce our own internal psychological noise and allow the other person to communicate what they need to, we can receive the message as it is, without colouring it in with additional noise and without creating a judgement of it — thereby distorting it — before we fully understand it. We need to hear precisely what is being said to us so we know how to respond appropriately. – Zahara Chetty

How Do You Listen? Improve Your Ability to Engage in Deep Listening Through Attunement – Zahara Chetty

Attuned Listening – Sonya Thomas – Lightning-fast read – succinct Do’s & Don’ts

Too often of late, we give ourselves permission to tune out. To be almost present with each other. To multi-task until no task is done well…including listening.Photo Credit: Charlotte May, Pexels

Attuned listening is a discipline…it is ours with practice, care, and intentionality. A few helps follow:

  • Silence or, better still, stash electronic devices.
  • Block off time.
  • Be fully present. When distractions press in, shake them off and refocus.
  • Demonstrate in every way possible your commitment to that person and their story (eye contact, posture, tone of voice).
  • Strive to be truly curious about the other person. Ask questions.
  • Seek to understand.
  • Do what you can to give the one speaking the experience of being seen, soothed, safe, and secure.
  • Determine not to “leave the room”.

What else would you add to the list above for a listener to be gifted with the story you long to tell? That story of childhood (or adult) trauma, regret, disappointment, loss…or that story of joy, gratitude, love, or beauty.

Attune to another…and listen. Both your lives will be enriched.

Attuned Listening – Kimberley Lewis – for parents of small children

Right Brain to Right Brain Therapy – Linda Graham

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Worship Wednesday – We Who Are Forgiven ….Forgive – David Crowder & Matthew West

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[Revisiting Worship Wednesday – The Forgiven Forgive – David Crowder & Matthew West – Deb Mills – Checking my heart.]

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come! Everything is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and has given us the ministry of reconciliation. That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and he has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, since God is making his appeal through us. We plead on Christ’s behalf, “Be reconciled to God.” He made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  –                 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” – Matthew 6:12

Early in Jesus’ earthly ministry, he preached out on a hillside to a great throng of people. This Sermon on the Mount set in motion the public teaching of Christ. In it, he focused on the hearts of men and women rather than on the religious law.

Toward the end of this sermon, he taught those in hearing how to pray. Within this beautiful prayer is the verse above:

“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

In this short verse, we hear both our need for God’s forgiveness as well as our need to forgive others.

To know the life-giving and eternity-saving forgiveness of Christ, we need to reckon with our own sinfulness. Yet, we are blinded to our need for Him by our disposition toward holding others’ sins against them. We can’t see our own need for forgiveness because our eyes, minds, and hearts are full of contempt for those we think need ours.

What a terrible and terrifying cost – to miss Jesus because we can’t forgive someone else. God have mercy!

This side of Heaven, we reckon with the presence of sin in our hearts and in that of others. It is a part of life in this fallen world. Just as we seek God’s face daily in confession and repentance, rejoicing in forgiveness, we have His grace and power to do the same for those around us.

Photo Credit: C. S. Lewis, AZ Quotes

Forgiveness…such a lovely experience, for sure. We LOVE being forgiven. Forgiving others is the tricky part.Photo Credit: C. S. Lewis, Twitter

All my life, I have heard how essential it is to forgive:

  • “Keep short accounts.” – my mama
  • “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes
  • “Don’t retry people in the court of your emotions.” – Tom Elliff
  • “As long as you don’t forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy a rent-free space in your mind.” – Isabelle Holland

Christ Jesus, in the Lord’s Prayer calls us to ask God’s forgiveness for the debt of sin we owe and are unable to pay (thus needing Jesus as Savior). We ask God’s forgiveness as we forgive others – even if we are determined they owe us something (thus the word debts/debtors).

Seeking forgiveness for ourselves and forgiving others are high priority to God. They both relate to keeping our hearts pure before the Lord, keeping us from having a seared conscience, and acting for the sake of our brother/sister, restoring our fellowship with him/her (unity).

It is urgent that we ask for forgiveness and take action to forgive. Right away.

If we have sinned against another, leave our gift and go ask forgiveness. – Matthew 5:23-24, also Mark 11:25

Leave Your Gift and Go – Life Action

As soon as we sense, or hear, or are made aware that we have sinned against someone, we need to move to make it right. Quickly. There is much at stake: our right relationship with that person, and guarding our own hearts from apathy, self-justification, or blame shifting. In other words, sin heaped upon sin. When we remember how much God has forgiven us, we are tuned into the destructive nature of sin on ourselves and others.

Then, on the flip side, if someone has sinned against us, go to him and seek peace…be reconciled. – from Matthew 18:15-17

What To Do If Someone Sins Against You: the Teaching of Jesus – Mark D. Roberts

Forgiveness is not a work by which we earn God’s forgiveness. It flows from a heart satisfied with the mercy of God and rejoicing in the cancellation of our own ten million dollar debt (Matthew 18:24). With man it is impossible, but not with God. – John Piper

Forgive Us Our What? Three Ways to Say the Lord’s Prayer – Jon Bloom

If I Fail to Forgive Others, Will God Not Forgive Me? – John Piper

It is not easy to forgive always. Some wounds are deep and reopened often. God makes a way. We cling to Him and to the amazing grace we have because of His forgiveness. Our emotions may lag behind and may take time, but we can forgive in an instant. Mark it down and remember it to God, ourselves, and (when necessary) the Evil One who accuses. We can forgive in an instant, and healing begins.

Two songs come to mind in thinking about our hearts toward forgiveness. David Crowder’s Forgiven and Matthew West’s Forgiveness. They both take us to the very teaching of Christ – how much our sin separated us from God – and how we who are forgiven from our burden of sin will never want to hold onto the sin of unforgiveness. The forgiven forgive.

Worship with me with the help of these two songs pointing us to a heart of forgiveness, a heart bent toward God. A heart He tenders toward those who need forgiveness, too.

“The Christian is to proclaim and initiate an irreconcilable war against his choice sins.” – William Gurnall

Heavenly Father, thank You for this pattern of prayer that Jesus taught. Give me a gentle spirit and help me to be quick to forgive all those who have hurt or abused me… knowing that for Christ’s sake I have been forgiven of so much. I pray that I may maintain close fellowship with You, and be swift to forgive those who sin against me – in Jesus name, AMEN.” – Daily Verse

YouTube Video – Story Behind the Song “Forgiven”

Worship Wednesday – The Forgiven Forgive – David Crowder & Matthew West – Deb Mills

Precept Austin – Exhaustive study of Matthew 6:11-12

Forgiven to Forgive – Allen Webster

Forgiveness – First Presbyterian Church, Yorktown, NY

Photo Credit: FBC Yorktown, NY

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Monday Morning Moment – In or Out – Your Choice, but You DO Choose

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Photo Credit: Corinne Dobbas

A friend of mine lamented this morning that someone in her family unfriended her on Facebook. Painful. I get it. Been there.

We make choices every day to lean in or pull out. Some of these choices have little consequence. Others break hearts or turn them into concrete. Taking ourselves out of others’ lives has consequence.

Father’s Day is coming and it has become a complicated holiday for me. I had a distant birth father and a great step-dad – both gone. My husband is a good father. My son and son-in-law as well. What complicates it is when things with fathers aren’t so good. This Father’s Day marks two years of a painful extended family rift. The pain of that has wide circles reverberating throughout. Everyone hurts for those hurt the most. Do we just ignore it or take sides? That would be choosing the “out” option. Or do we choose to stay in – refusing to leave the room (or either room since there are two now), praying for wholeness and healing, and fiercely fighting for our family?

I choose the latter for as long as I’m allowed to do so.

To be honest, whether it is family/friend conflict, or political, social or theological division – we choose where we stand. We choose to set up camp in a tight zone of comfort with those like us, or we choose to battle for those in harm’s way…including ourselves.

Maybe it’s always been this way, but today, for sure, we must be on watch of being deceived by popular opinion. It is not unifying. A choice is required. To think we don’t have to choose is its own delusion.

We’re either in…or we’re out.

“We all, like Frodo, carry a Quest, a Task: our daily duties. They come to us, not from us. We are free only to accept or refuse our task- and, implicitly, our Taskmaster. None of us is a free creator or designer of his own life. “None of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself” (Romans 14:7). Either God, or fate, or meaningless chance has laid upon each of us a Task, a Quest, which we would not have chosen for ourselves. We are all Hobbits who love our Shire, or security, our creature comforts, whether these are pipeweed, mushrooms, five meals a day, and local gossip, or Starbucks coffees, recreational sex, and politics. But something, some authority not named in The Lord of the Rings (but named in the Silmarillion), has decreed that a Quest should interrupt this delightful Epicurean garden and send us on an odyssey. We are plucked out of our Hobbit holes and plunked down onto a Road.” – Peter Creeft
Now, we can scramble back into the “shire” of our own choosing. Life is so much grander than that. Being an avid book person and homebody myself, I can easily snuggle down into a self-made and self-soothing burrow. This is my daily battle of thinking I am “in the world but not of the world”.
When we are physically (emotionally) absent in real life, we are choosing “out”, not “in”. That real life includes work, family, neighborhood, and some semblance of the world…which means choosing to be in with some we would NOT have chosen to be in with. Am I wrong here? Please talk to me in the Comments below.
“Reading a book about something can be an obstacle to doing it because it gives you the impression that you are doing what you are only thinking about doing. It is tempting to remain in the comfortable theater of our imagination instead of the real world, to fall in love with the idea of becoming a saint and loving God and neighbor instead of doing the actual work, because the idea makes no demands on you. It is like a book on a shelf. But, as Dostoyevsky says, ‘love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams’ (The Brothers Karamazov).” –Peter Creeft
This choosing “in” even when it’s uncomfortable may actually be the road chosen for us. The choosing “out” dulls us to what could actually happen with {God and] us in the formula.
“This [the choosing out] is where our culture has evolved and I say reject it!” – Angela
As these thoughts were cooking in my head, I came across the YouTube video below by Catholic priest Father Mike. It relates to a question he received on whether Judas Iscariot was in Heaven or Hell. Judas was the one who betrayed Jesus to the authorities who had him crucified. Later Judas would hang himself. Beyond that topic, Father Mike talked about our choices and how they affect both life and after-life.
“In light of heaven, the worst suffering on earth will be seen to be no more serious than one night in an inconvenient hotel.” – St. Teresa of Avila
Photo Credit: Heartlight
We make choices all day long. Choosing how we spend our time, whose lives we lean into, and what we teach our children (by attitude and action) – all those choices have an “in or out” component. The quote above speaks to these choices. If we live for this world, our default is to hold tightly to our choices. However, if we live for the next, we can open our hands, and lean in. This life, no matter how hard, compared with Heaven, is like “one night in a bad hotel”. At its worst!
Perspective.
It’s our choice. In or out.
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5 Friday Faves – Beyond the Guitar, Keep Climbing, the Spirituality of Food, Foul Weather Friends, and Rhiannon Giddens

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Friday Faves…GO!

1) Beyond the Guitar – It’s difficult to fully describe the joy this guy’s music brings to me. He posts videos on YouTube a couple of times a month (have you subscribed?). Sometimes it’s a recent film theme, this time Pixar’s Luca with music by Dan Romer. Other times he reaches back to beloved songs from years past: Joseph Kosma‘s romantic jazz standard Autumn Leaves. Nathan Mills, of Beyond the Guitar. Besides arranging and performing all the beautiful songs on his YouTube channel, he is always at work developing content to help other musicians play music they love. There’s so much noise in the world, but in this small space, there is sheer beauty. So enjoy.

2) Keep Climbing – Rock climber Erik Weihenmayer (who is also blind) is someone I look for online these days. He is an encourager and overcomer, passionate about life and using adversity to his advantage. In fact, he wrote a book about it. [I wrote about some of his story here.]

This Spring he spoke at the commencement service of his son’s alma mater, The University of Vermont. Below you will find a highlight reel and the full speech in the link following. He talks about life in a deeply empowering way…His challenge for these young people was to “Keep climbing!” – worth a listen.

Erik Weihenmayer – 2022 UVM Commencement Speech – Start at 2:09:40 of video

3) The Spirituality of Food – A documentary on the spirituality of food just came to my awareness this week. Its title is Taste and See. Now I haven’t watched it yet, but the trailer was even satisfying. The title beckons to the Psalmist’s words, “Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”

Food and drink are such blessings. Enjoying them with people we love is one of the great joys of life. Food scarcity/insecurity is lately a frequent news topic as the world faces shortages in a coming “slow-moving disaster”. For some, it is already here.

So…to talk about the spiritual nature of growing, preparing, and sharing food seems frivolous on the surface. Yet, it is the very common and natural experience of eating that draws us together as a world of people. Compassion is rekindled. Resoluteness in our actions to make food accessible to all flourishes.

Celebrating food and its source is a good. Being grateful in our plenty can move us to extend our table to those less fortunate than we are. Anyway, I’m not sure about the theology or life science at the core of the documentary “Taste and See”…but I’m intrigued.

Life From Death: an Interview with Director Andrew Brumme – Drew Miller

I will watch it…and I will read the book that inspired it: Robert Farrar Capon‘s The Supper of the Lamb: A Culinary Reflection. Below are a couple of excerpts from the book that speak the gift of food.

“O Lord, refresh our sensibilities. Give us this day our daily taste. Restore to us soups that spoons will not sink in, and sauces which are never the same twice. Raise up among us stews with more gravy than we have bread to blot it with, and casseroles that put starch and substance in our limp modernity. Take away our fear of fat and make us glad of the oil which ran upon Aaron’s beard. Give us pasta with a hundred fillings, and rice in a thousand variations. Above all, give us grace to live as true men – to fast till we come to a refreshed sense of what we have and then to dine gratefully on all that comes to hand. Drive far from us, O Most Bountiful, all creatures of air and darkness; cast out the demons that possess us; deliver us from the fear of calories and the bondage of nutrition; and set us free once more in our own land, where we shall serve Thee as Thou hast blessed us – with the dew of heaven, the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine. Amen.”
― Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb: A Culinary Reflection
“To be sure, food keeps us alive, but that is only its smallest and most temporary work. Its eternal purpose is to furnish our sensibilities against the day when we shall sit down at the heavenly banquet and see how gracious the Lord is. Nourishment is necessary only for a while; what we shall need forever is taste.”
― Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb: A Culinary Reflection
Robert Farrar Capon – Books, Quotes, Excerpts – Justin Holcomb [One of my favorite quotes of Capon’s is this one – totally not related to food – “We are in a war between dullness and astonishment. The most critical issue facing Christians is not abortion, pornography, the disintegration of the family, moral absolutes, MTV, drugs, racism, sexuality, or school prayer. The critical issue today is dullness. We have lost our astonishment. The Good News is no longer good news, it is okay news. Christianity is no longer life changing, it is life enhancing. Jesus doesn’t change people into wild-eyed radicals anymore; He changes them into ‘nice people’.” –Robert Farrar Capon, The Astonished Heart]
Biscuit Lover – Sean Dietrich

4) Foul Weather Friends – Talking to a friend earlier today, she had this to say, “I’d not sure if I’m fun. More of a foul weather friend, than fair weather”. She was noting that she seems not thought of for the fun, rousing, weekend get-togethers…but is remembered when times get hard. Her observation was less a lament and more of a statement of fact…and one about which she had peace.

It gave me pause. What delight if we could be all-weather friends, enjoying the company of others in all the extremes and as well as middling times of life. Maybe, however, we must pace ourselves. Maybe some of us are more bent toward being there in foul weather.

Just this week, I wrote about different sorts of friends. This sort of friend wasn’t on the list. In doing an online search for “foul weather friends”, most of what was written described someone not at all like the friend I know above. They were either friends who only reached out to you when they were going through hard times. Or these “friends” were those who seemed to thrive on the drama of hard times in your life, having the “need” to be needed. Or, worse, they took some bizarre pleasure in coming alongside someone having a hard time. I’m reminded of Job’s so-called friends.

When I think of the friend above, she is a complete grace in a friend’s life. Beth Merrill Neel wrote a sweet piece on foul-weather friends and here is a bit of what she said:

I’ve known people who are foul-weather friends. I won’t hear from them for months or years, but if there’s a crisis, they are there with a phone call or email or casserole. And somehow they know just what to do – how to be present without being pushy, just when to express the gallows humor, to bring the big box of kleenex and not the little travel-size pack.

If it were one of those forced-choice quizzes, would I rather be a fair-weather friend or a foul-weather one?

Truth be told, a foul-weather one. Friendship takes time and energy and if I’m going to spend some of that time or energy, I’d rather spend it with someone in a bind rather than sitting back and sipping mojitos on some exotic beach with a friend who just won the lottery.

But if I were standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter were checking my account, would I be found faithful in my friendship? Would he say, “There is joy abundant and you missed out on that”? Or would he say, “You showed up when it was hard and the dawn was far off”?

I’ve realized the gift of so many kinds of friendship lately, and I’ll take what I get, which is folks who show up in the rain, and folks who show up in the sunshine, and folks who bring umbrellas, and folks who bring casseroles.

May I do the same. – Beth Merrill Neel

What’s Your Listening Style? – Rebecca D. Minehard, Benjamin B. Symon, & Laura K. Rock

[In foul weather, reaching out to friends is hard, but isolation is worse. Hopefully your foul weather friends will figure it out and come after you, but if they miss signals, just reach out. They WILL want to show up. So…I want to leave these last two resources right here.]

YouTube – Comedians Tackling Depression & Anxiety Makes Us Feel Seen – Laughing Matters – Documentary [Beware: there is language in parts of this that may/will be offensive.]

Me, Myself, & Lies – The Spiritual Dangers of Isolation – Marshall Segal

5) Rhiannon Giddens – Thanks to The Richmond Forum, we had the opportunity, this past week, to hear musician Rhiannon Giddens speak and perform. She was phenomenal.

Photo Credit: YouTube

As she talked, my husband commented on what an overcomer she was. Even as she talked about slavery, she didn’t talk about slaves but rather called them “enslaved people”. Everything in her talk –  about music and music origins, the banjo, and the history of “American” music – was honoring. She gives opportunity to learn and understand and embrace possibilities, without the need to blame or shame people. When you listen to her music, you will see that overcoming worldview. Her song “At the Purchaser’s Option” is so powerful.

Photo Credit: YouTube

If you don’t know her or her work, get to know her, beginning with the links below. She is truly a brilliant and beautiful person.

TED Talk – Songs That Bring History to Life – Rhiannon Giddens

Rhiannon Giddens – 2022-2023 Perspectives Artist

YouTube Video – Rhiannon Giddens on African American Contributions to Music – Amanpour and Company

 Singer Rhiannon Giddens Taps America’s Deep Musical Roots – PBS Newshour

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Worship Wednesday – “But God” – How Beautiful – Twila Paris

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Photo Credit: Zelite

[Adapted from the Archives]

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved. – Ephesians 2:4-5

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. – Romans 12:9-10

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.– 1 John 3:16

“A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you also must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:34-35

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. – Genesis 50:20

Life is full of consequence. We are often initiators, of either good or evil. People see Christ in us…or something very different…dark even.

News cycles are short, and I’m not going to be specific here, because by next week we will be on to something different. However, I will say this: the church is under fire. When some, in the church, choose to live in ways that show dishonor to Christ or one another, then no wonder. The evil one never tires of working to destroy us, our character, our influence, and our witness.

The good and glorious God we know loves His church. We do not see always ourselves as the radiant Bride for whom Christ died. In fact, we too often find ourselves tarnished by following after the world and “the sin that so easily entangles us”. Still, the Lord waits for us…as we make ourselves ready for that day (Revelation 19:7-8).

How ever we see ourselves now…whatever we must do to stay the course or correct course…God calls us to see as He sees. He sees His church with eyes of love. He knows our frame. He knows the battles. He is with us and will fight those battles for us, as we stay close to Him and side by side with each other.

As for the current news cycle…where the church seems to chase after things not of the Lord or hide behind a facade rather than truth, we have two options: Love and lift it or leave it altogether. The last option is not a long-term option…long eventually becomes forever.

What will it really take for things to get better? What actions can right the wrongs and bridge the divisions? The words blasting through our news outlets seem more hurtful than healing. We as the church are wrestling with what to say…what to do. I have found that so puzzling given how the Lord has told us how to live and how to love…but we seem challenged especially in the dark dilemmas of our lives and times.

 

Photo Credit: Michael Catt, Twitter

We have a beautiful Savior who showed us how to really love each other. Words only (just talking about our differences or doling out our opinions) do not take us to the cross…or to the grave.

Our Savior held nothing back. Maybe we don’t know what that means for us in particular…but we know where to start.

We start with receiving the love Christ has given us, every one of us. We receive from His heart…from His hands. Then we reflect his heart and become His hands for one another. He loves…we love. He serves…we serve.

He has given us a way forward…ours is to take that path.

Worship with me…to this song by Twila Paris on the beauty of Christ and the beauty of His church – How Beautiful – [and then scroll down for a quick story at the end] –

How Beautiful the hands that served
The Wine and the Bread and the sons of the earth
How beautiful the feet that walked
The long dusty roads and the hill to the cross
How Beautiful, how beautiful, how beautiful is the body of Christ

How Beautiful the heart that bled
That took all my sin and bore it instead
How beautiful the tender eyes
That choose to forgive and never despise
How beautiful, how beautiful, how beautiful is the body of Christ

And as He lay down His life
We offer this sacrifice
That we will live just as He died
Willing to pay the price
Willing to pay the price

How Beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her Groom with His light in her eyes
How Beautiful when humble hearts give
The fruit of pure lives so that others may live
How beautiful, how beautiful, how beautiful is the Body of Christ

How beautiful the feet that bring
The sound of good news and the love of the King
How Beautiful the hands that serve
The wine and the bread and the sons of the Earth
How Beautiful, how beautiful, how beautiful is the Body of Christ*

Photo Credit: QuotesLyfe

Someone very dear to us had a medical need recently that would require everything he had in savings and then some. It had already been a challenging year for him, but life happens like that at times. A friend of his with whom he/we attended church years ago had this great idea to do a GoFundMe appeal. The donors who showed up to help him (both on GoFundMe and privately) were so kind and generous. His words: “Very generous and unexpected”. Most were believers. The church he is now most closely associated with also gave a large donation….but GOD. This meant so much for one who could easily have been discouraged by this next hard thing.

How Beautiful!

*Lyrics to How Beautiful – Twila Paris

YouTube Video – How Beautiful – Twila Paris (talks about the song before she sings it) 1994

Worship Wednesday – When We Love Like Jesus – How Beautiful – Twila Paris – Deb Mills

But God – Jon Bloom – Desiring God

31 But God Bible Verses – Lisa Appelo – and 32 But the Lord Bible Verses – Lisa Appelo

YouTube Video – Rev. H. B. Charles, Jr. – “But God” – sermon. Don’t miss it!

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Monday Morning Moment – Real Friendship – on Friends Who Wound, Fierce Friends, Friends who Turn Around, and Friends Who Stay

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When you think of a real friend, who comes most immediately to mind? That old friend you’ve known your whole life? That new friend who came close quickly during a life crisis? That like friend who shares many of the same growing pains you’re having in life right now? Real friends. What an incredible gift they are! As we look for a few minutes at friendships, a bit of self-examination might prove profitable.

On the way to the airport last week, returning home, I grabbed a quick supper with one of my dearest long-time friends. As we caught up on the latest turns in our lives, she shared something I didn’t expect. Well…to be honest, it is a subject that occasionally comes up. I, at some point or the other, drop the ball on communication. It is a failing of mine through the years. Quick to repent, but the turning and trying to do better don’t last. Sigh… And it’s not because that friend (or any other) is not worthy of constancy. She certainly is.

These relational struggles and misfires make the gift of real friendship even more precious. We are not always great friends to one another…but being great at friendship…being real…is worth the effort. You, Dear One, who actually reads my blog, are worth the effort.

Photo Credit: Amazing Things, Facebook

I’ve written about friendship several times. Below are some of the pieces I’ve shared previously…and a new bit. Maybe you’d benefit from a review…I sure have.

Friends Who Wound – OK, this isn’t for everyone. When my friend shared what she did above, it felt yucky. Wounding. However it was a wound that potentially brings healing. I don’t want something inside my own heart to grow, without my awareness, into something that hurts others. Greg Morse recently wrote a piece for Desiring God on finding a friend to wound you.

We see on social media, and say ourselves sometimes, that it’s right to just get rid of people who have a negative impact on us, to walk away from punishers or diminishers, and hang with people who only affirm us.

The article above talks about friends who love us enough to say the hard thing…and stay. I appreciate people who love me in this way and take the risk to point out the huge potholes in my path or who reach into my life and help hoist me out of a ditch of my own poor choices. Here’s a quote from Morse’s article (he’s speaking to Christ-followers):

“The world cares nothing for our eternal good. Ungodly friends cheer us on toward destruction. They bequeath the kiss of flattery — the Dementor’s kiss. They coddle our egos, telling us what we want to hear, not what we need to hear. Even the most genuine and moral among them sets sail away from God. Thus we need a crew of Christian companions — a body — to keep us from shipwreck. Finishing the race is not an individual endeavor, and eternity is at stake.

Praise God then for the faithful wounds of true friends who protect us from ultimate injury. They tell us plainly, “You’re flirting with destruction!” …Friends who ask us hard questions, who crush the whispering lizard on our shoulder, who are for our eternal soul above our momentary feelings — these are true friends.”   – Greg Morse

There is a delicate balance here…and relationship matters. We’ve too often been put off balance by words unfitly spoken. What is your experience of friends who wound in a good way? For me, the best experiences I’ve had with this have turned into crossroads in life…isolated incidents where a friend helped me step back from a habit, a person, a life choice that could have destroyed me…and step toward a better way. Very thankful for the courage and love of such friends. – Deb Mills, from the archive

blog-best-friends-woundsPhoto Credit: Dgreetings

Fierce Friends – How grateful I am for friends who don’t give up on me. You have friends like these, too – those who love us enough to tell us the truth without ripping our hearts out. Friends who will keep loving us no matter the distance or ideologies that could separate us but don’t. These are fierce friends…friends who “stick closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

I’m reminded of an occasion when a room full of women gathered to discuss a hard thing going on in our current city. These women deeply love each other but have some very different stances on issues that mattered to all of us. The tension was palpable but the love more so. Our culture today seems peopled with friends when convenient, fair weather friends, and friends with benefits. Friends who politic together, work together, play sports together, or drink together. Take away the activity, and the friendship fades. What a wonder are these fierce friends who stay with us through the worst…those we know have our backs and we have theirs.Photo Credit: Quotesta

“Real Spiritual friendship is eagerly helping one another know, serve, love, and resemble God in deeper and deeper ways.”
—Timothy Keller

“When connections are real, they simply never die…If you’ve deeply resonated with another person or place, the connection remains despite any distance, time, situation, lack of presence, or circumstance… Real connections live on forever.” —Victoria Erickson

“True friends aren’t the ones who make your problems disappear. They are the ones who won’t disappear when you’re facing problems.” —Author Unknown

“If you fishin’ for a friend you just gon’ catch and release, then I ain’t got no desire to be your friend…but if you is lookin’ for a real friend, then I’ll be one. Forever.” ― Ron Hall, Same Kind of Different as Me

Who are some of your fierce friends? Please share in Comments if you want to give a salute to some of them. – Deb Mills from the Archive

Real Friends – Beyond Cliques and Closed Communities – Because friendships seem fragile and temporary, when we find ourselves in a group with staying power, we hold on tight. Now some of my dearest friends are actually family…I guess that would constitute somewhat of a closed community. They aren’t going anywhere…not to say it couldn’t happen, but so far, so good.[The husband, the daughter]

As my friend lamented above about my own “leaving the room”, I was deeply convicted by Curt Thompson’s work in confessional communities. He talks often and at-length about the healing nature of groups who listen hard, speak truth, and commit to care over time – choosing over and over NOT to leave the room. These are therapy groups, but I think they are the substance of what may develop into cliques outside of mental health situations. A good thing that can turn too inward. Now, none of us would say we’re in a clique, but do we sometimes find ourselves so committed to a few that those friends just beyond our tight circles begin to miss us?…and we didn’t know it was happening…in fact, didn’t mean for it to happen.

“Is it possible to have the benefits of close relationships without becoming a clique with our close friends? It is. And the process is very simple (although like many simple things, it isn’t easy). There is one basic movement that can transform a closed clique into an open and welcoming community:

Turn around.

That’s it. Instead of facing in, focusing only on the good things inside the group, we can face out, focusing on sharing whatever good we have with others. We can unlock the circle, and let it grow.

I’ve seen this in action in our church—a community of people who are facing out together. I was freely welcomed into that circle by those who were there before me, and I’ve experienced the joy of joining them in welcoming others. I’ve seen how a welcoming circle of friends is deepened, not diluted, by including others…friendships do not grow the deepest when we face in and focus only on the deepness of our friendships—they deepen most when we face out, together, in a shared mission of giving for the good of others beyond us.“ –  Seth Lewis, How to Turn a Clique Inside Out

Photo Credit: Emily P. Freeman, Quote Fancy

Friends Who Stay – Finally, I offer this book on friendship:

Photo Credit: Sarah, Sally, and Joy Clarkson – Girls’ Club – Cultivating Lasting Friendship in a Lonely World

In the book above, Sally’s daughter Sarah writes a chapter entitled Saturday Mornings: The Girls’ Club Prototype. In this chapter, she describes “five progressive actions…central to the powerful cultivation of friendship”. They are:

  • Invite – Reach out and bring in a new someone to an adventure and your life.
  • Plan – Work out the logistics of an event, a meetup, an outing. Make it a welcome ritual or routine.
  • Provide – Show love, Sarah says, by preparing the table, so to speak. Whether it is the physical space itself (your home, for instance) or your own “mind and heart” to wholly receive the new friend.
  • Stay – This is huge! Whether distance or circumstance separate you, be a continual presence in the life of a friend. Be there. Show up. This takes effort and intentionality, and it’s not easy. It requires both forgiveness and faithfulness…no matter what.
  • Pray – When we remember that every single person we meet is an image-bearer of God, we are reminded of the value there. Even those “mean girls” in our lives didn’t get mean in a vacuum. “Hurt people hurt people”. They have God’s imprint like every other imperfect person… When we recognize our own frailty and that of others, we are drawn to pray. For our own hearts to love like Jesus. For eyes to see how God sees people…and to reach out in love…as only He has made us to do so.

_______________________________________________________________________

Forgive the length of this piece…hopefully you were able to skim over parts and dig into others. I want to be a real friend to those God has placed in my life. Not a thin-veneer, “say all the things” but not truly by there for that person, shallow kind of friend. In closing, I had wanted to share a bunch of images of friends through the years…but decided not to. We have been wildly blessed with great people in our lives… people who have been real friends to us and others over a lifetime. You know who you are. Thankful for all the real friends in my life…striving to be one.

[P.S. We can be real friends and not always behave so. Life circumstances, personality, strengths/weaknesses, losses, pressures, as well as joyful distractions can all affect our leaning into and staying deep into a friendship. When we come up short, we can face it and hopefully restore, and be restored in, real friendship. Grace upon grace.]

Photo Credit: Incourage.me

What Makes For a Lifelong Friendship? – A Snapshot of Such a One – Deb Mills

15 Signs that Prove Your Friendship Is the Real Deal

I Believe in Guilt-Free Friendship – Lisa-Jo Baker

Befriend – Create Belonging in an Age of Judgment, Isolation, and Fear – Scott Sauls

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Worship Wednesday – Godspeed – Just a Closer WALK with Thee

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Photo Credit: Screenshot from Godspeed

Then the man and his wife heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the breeze of the day, and they hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.  But the LORD God called out to the man, “Where are you?” – Genesis 3:9

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary; His understanding is beyond searching out. He gives power to the faint and increases the strength of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall. But those who wait upon the LORD will renew their strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. – Isaiah 40:28-31

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, be steadfast [stand firm], immovable, always excelling in the Lord’s work, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. – 1 Corinthians 15:58

Spiritually speaking, I’m a runner…oh not in the champion circle kind of runner (at least not yet)…but definitely one eager to be in the thick of things, even if it’s “slow and steady wins the race” plodding.

It’s not because I’m old and time seems to be flying, although that does factor in. I’ve always had a sense of urgency, a fire in my bones, about the lost, the unreached, the displaced or marginalized, and those who “fall through the cracks”.

Because of this, it happens sometimes that I may run ahead of God and exhaust myself at pulling at the reins or rubbing against the yoke the Lord calls “easy”. In my fits and starts, I make a burden out of what’s not meant to be.

…let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith. – Hebrews 12:1

In the Scriptures above, the Lord calls to mind a pace in heart and life that is more in accordance with His will and His character. In the Garden, after Adam and Eve had sinned, the Lord came walking and called out to them. “Where are you?” Of course, He knew where they were…but the question implies a distance from Him. They had determined to go their own way…bad news for them and the rest of us.

What’s the lesson? The Scripture is full of pacing and direction. When we are out of step with God, we are truly on our own…off helter-skelter deceived that we’re about His work (or maybe not caring really, just checking off the boxes of a “good life”).

We will at times, in our journey with the Lord, walk, run, even fly. Other times, He calls us to stand firm in the heat of battle, and He also calls us to rest, sheltering us from the heat.

This is our God…the One whose pace, which can seem exceedingly slow but, is perfectly measured. For our good and His great glory.

Just this week, I confess a chafing in the instruction of our dear pastor. He was calling us as small group leaders to take a summer break. To relax… I honestly have no idea what he said over the next few sentences because the word “relax” triggered a brain freeze. Knowing him, and without following up (to be honest), I believe he meant that the programming can be relaxed and we can enjoy an opportunity to change things up…to go deeper…to truly get to know one another in different ways (including other ‘one anothers’ with whom we don’t usually share space).

So thanks, Pastor Cliff.

Below you will find some resources that aren’t meant to be extra but actually the core of this Worship Wednesday. Take time to check out all of them – short time commitment and long impact. The short film Godspeed – the Pace of Being Known is amazing! This whole idea of giving ourselves to God and each other – where we can truly be known and know one another– is both healing and life-transforming. So… don’t necessarily slow down, but find God’s pace…let’s do it together.

Take that walk with God. Find Your People. Find your parish.

An article, a podcast, a short film, and, finally, a song:

Godspeed – Mark Buchanan – don’t miss this short article. So good!

Made for This Podcast – Jennie Allen – Life in Scotland with Pastor Matt Canlis – this podcast is the story of Pastor Canlis’ journey to Godspeed.

Godspeed – the Pace of Being Known – documentary – Matt Canlis – Watch this! Beautiful, every bit of it.

YouTube Video – Just a Closer Walk with Thee – Alabama – old song, slowed down and lovely.

[All screenshots above taken from the documentary Godspeed]

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5 Friday Faves – Catwoman on Classical Guitar, The Ethical Skeptic & Lying, Notes to Self, Celebrating, and American Idol Highlights

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Here we go! My faves of the week that flew by! What were some of yours? Post them in Comments so we can learn from you.

1) Catwoman on Classical Guitar – The Batman is the latest film in the franchise. Catwoman is one of Batman’s crime-fighting partners. I didn’t see the film and probably won’t. Too dark for me, but the music…wow! Composer Michael Giacchino worked his magic again in laying down the emotional themes for this movie. Beyond the Guitar‘s Nathan Mills does his own magic covering the Catwoman theme. Enjoy!

2) The Ethical Skeptic & Lying – I like Twitter. It has an underbelly for sure but I have found all sorts of knowledgeable influencers there that news/social media would never highlight. One such person is @EthicalSkeptic. He doesn’t name himself for professional reasons, but he helped me with some of my own misgivings about our mitigation of COVID.  Just looking at the problem globally, we seemed not to have done as well as we should given our technology and wealth.

The Ethical Skeptic is, by his Twitter bio and his writing, as he calls himself, skeptical. His focus on ethics is compelling. I actually never read his blog until just now. His latest piece, The Antiwisdom of Crowds, was fascinating. He draws on the research on lying done by the Paul Ekman Group (link below) and takes it farther in regards to crowd thinking and behavior.

Why Do People Lie? – 9 Motives for Telling Lies – Paul Ekman

Lie to Me – award-winning TV series inspired by Dr. Ekman

Photo Credit: Paul Ekman Group

The Ethical Skeptic writes:

Specifically, people lie in order to

  • attain or preserve something precious,
  • win or preserve the admiration of others, or
  • exercise power over others by controlling the information their target can access.

When a group in authority, seeks to exercise or preserve that authority, all these ubiquitous human factors not only come into play, but moreover become part of the re-enforced culture of the club itself. It’s alright to lie a little. After all, it’s for the club, it’s for science, it’s for virtue, and besides everyone in the club is also doing it.

…over time a syndicate or collective party will therefore be more likely to also be inhabited by a number of accrued false paradigms. Tangled webs which themselves must also be protected by means of more lies. This is what makes the silence of embargo a much more sustainable tactic than mere lying. Individuals then are innoculated by this collective antiwisdom…

This is just a taste of The Ethical Skeptic’s thinking. I don’t agree nor understand all of what he is saying in his substantive body of work BUT I resonate with much of it. If you want a good sense of how deep your vocabulary is, read his blog (rather, essays). He actually often gives definitions because honestly, it is stretching (or at least for me) to grasp all of what he is saying.

Lying has become a common and horrifying problem in our culture. Is it possible people don’t believe each other anymore? Or don’t trust what we’re saying when all we want is to be faithful to what is true? Or is it possible that people {the “crowd”] believe too easily what someone is saying? I would love to hear your take on this.

[Sidebar: the link below, including the comments that followed, shows something of an ethical experience he had involving the church, as well as some of his thinking about God and the Scriptures. It is hard to say how I feel about the whole of it…but his thinking is intriguing…so as not to confuse my readers, the God of the Scriptures and the Book itself have never led me down a bad path. Ever.]

The Riddle of Sin – The Ethical Skeptic

3) Notes to Self – So there’s this sock company called Notes to Self. Laura Schmidt is the owner/creator of this brilliant venture – “What you say to yourself matters!” I LOVE the idea of notes to self because it’s actually a daily habit of my own. Wearing socks that give affirmation for the day is a very sweet idea. Now they aren’t cheap ($15/pair, but like many companies, the price you pay helps others who can’t). Full disclosure: I got my socks by way of a charity thrift situation. They are wonderful socks! High quality! Comfy and encouraging! May reconsider the price tag as Christmas comes closer. Great socks and, again, a super sweet idea.

 

4) Celebrating – This weekend we’ll be celebrating moms (dates vary depending on country, of course). It’s a true phenomenon because 1) we all have a mom, and 2) many of us are moms or act in some mommish role. AND it mostly gets celebrated.

Photo Credit: Facebook, Sarah DeJarnette

Just the commercialism of this day greases the tracks for celebrating. I wish we celebrated more…not just moms, but dads, aunts and uncles (either real or stand-ins), children (born and not yet born), as well as great work teams, volunteers, and neighbors.

Celebrating is tremendously humanizing and the time it takes is so little compared to the outcomes. If the celebration is genuine and much-deserved. It’s one of those efforts that, like the tide, “raises all boats”.

Here’s to the two closest moms in my life – my own and the one I got when I married. So grateful for them.

Here’s to the moms I also get in marriage (my two married kids’ moms-in-law). Again, so grateful for them.

Finally here’s to the kids who made me a mom. So grateful for them!

5) American Idol Highlights –This is the 20th season of reality TV show American Idol. The young contestants are vying for a record contract and, even for those who don’t win, national exposure of their amazing musicianship. The music is really good, and we learn about genres we wouldn’t normally listen to. Below find a couple of highlights from a recent show, as well as one of the videos from a previous American Idol winner Scotty McCreery. I need to listen to more country music.

That’s it for this week. Thanks so much for stopping by. Much love!

Bonuses:Photo Credit: Picture Quotes

For the Joy!! – Kattie Normand, Facebook

8 of the Best Cognitive Therapy Exercises to Sharpen Your Mind – Eva Lewis

Being Known Podcast – Season 4, Episode 10: Healing Trauma: the Power of Presence – Dr. Curt Thompson & Pepper Sweeney

YouTube Video – Introduction to 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery – Babette Rothschild

8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery – Babette Rothschild – Review by Ruby Usman

Why Make Your Life So Complicated? [25 Ways to Simplify Your Life] – Frank Sonnenberg

40 Random Pieces of Advice for the Christian Life

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Worship Wednesday – Remember – Maverick City Music x UPPER ROOM

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Photo Credit: Heartlight, Jeremy Taylor

From the mouths of children and infants You have ordained praise on account of Your adversaries, to silence the enemy and avenger. When I behold Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place – what is man that You are mindful of him, or the son of man that You care for him? – Psalm 8:2-4

Let’s just start right here. It’s been difficult for me to write a Worship Wednesday this week because the news has been so distracting and demoralizing, even defeating at times.

How do we let that happen? Given the God we know who also knows us (1 Corinthians 8:3). Nothing in our world right now is a surprise to Him. Is He angry at how sin is abounding? Absolutely. A pure and measured anger. An anger that accompanies His perfect compassion for the suffering of His children.

Gentle and Lowly – the Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers – Dane Ortlund – highly recommend this for our comfort in knowing Jesus

In this season of distress, our own compassion is matched by our accompanying anger at the wrongs around us. Our attention is drawn to what’s seen and we forget the glorious unseen.

Author, pastor Tim Keller‘s tweet helped me clear my head.

Photo Credit: Twitter –  @timkellernyc

Oh Lord, help us remember You. You are near and You are wholly and perfectly feeling the pain this world is experiencing. Your plan is in motion…whether we see it or not. You are moving in our lives today. We do not need to fear. Our eyes are on You right now.

Maverick City + UPPER ROOM‘s song Remember applies well to these moments of upheaval and struggle. It reflects Jesus’ command to remember Him through the Lord’s Supper and takes it farther to a daily sacrifice of praise. What He did for us we could not do for ourselves or each other. The Lord Jesus is still our advocate and intercessor. Hallelujah!

Photo Credit: Timothy Keller, Quote Fancy, Get Wallpapers

Worship and remember with me.

We see You on the cross
And You’re beautiful, God
The blood speaks a better word, yeah

The bread, Your body
The wine, Your blood
Sweet communion
You set a table for us
The crucified Jesus
No greater love
Than the bread, Your body
Than the wine, Your blood

Oh-oh, we will remember
Oh-oh, Jesus, our Savior
Oh, just to know You in Your suffering
Just to get me closer than I’ve ever been
Oh-oh, we will remember
Yes, we will, yes, we will
Yeah

The holes in Your hands
And the wounds in Your side
Thirty-nine lashes
Brought me back to life
And before resurrection
There was a grave
In hell, there was a battle
And my life was saved

Oh-oh, we will remember
Oh-oh, Jesus, our Savior
Oh, just to know You in Your suffering
Just to get me closer than I’ve ever been
Oh-oh, we will remember

Yes, we will, yes, we will (Hey)
Oh, we can see it now
And we can see how (Mmm, yeah)
Oh, Your blood made a way
Your blood made a way
Hey, hey

And this is our Savior
Look at Him, look at Him
This is our Savior
Look at Him, look at Him
This is our Savior
Look at Him, look at Him
This is our Savior
Look at Him, look at Him
Our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him, look at Him
Our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him, would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him, would you look at Him?
Our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him

And oh-oh, we will remember
Oh-oh, Jesus, our Savior
Oh, just to know You in Your suffering
Just to get me closer than I’ve ever been
Oh-oh, we will remember

This is our Savior
Look at Him, look at Him
This is our Savior
Look at Him, would you just look at Him? Look at Him
This is our Savior
Look at Him, look at Him
This is our Savior
Look at Him, would you just look at Him?
Oh, our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him, won’t you look at Him?
Oh, our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him (Look at Him)
Our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him, look at Him
Our Christ Redeemer
Look at Him (Look at Him), oh (Hey)

Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (Look at Him, look at Him)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (Look at Him, look at Him)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (His eyes like fire)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (His hair like wool)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (His feet like brass)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (He’s beautiful)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (His eyes like fire)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (His hair like wool)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (His feet like brass)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him (He’s beautiful)
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him
Would you just look at Him? Look at Him, oh

Oh-oh, we will remember (Oh, hey)
Oh-oh, Jesus, our Savior
Oh, just to know You in Your suffering
Just to get me closer than I’ve ever been
Oh-oh, hey, we will remember

And how could we forget?
After what we’ve experienced
Oh, it’s unforgettable (Woo)
It’s unforgettable
Oh, how we could forget? (Look at Him)
After what we experienced
Oh, up from the muck and the miry clay
He lifted me (He lifted me)
Up from the muck and the miry clay
He lifted me (He lifted me)
Oh, I remember, I won’t forget
How He took my life from the pit (Hey)
I remember, I won’t forget
How He took my life from the pit, oh
We remember, we won’t forget (Yeah, yeah)
How You took our lives from the pit
We remember, we won’t forget
Look at where we are now
Look at where we were back then
We remember, we won’t forget
How You took our life from the pit (Hey)
Oh, we remember, we won’t forget
Look at where I am now
Look at where I was back then
We remember, we won’t forget
How You took our life from the pit (Yeah)
We remember, we won’t forget
Look at where I am now
Look at where I was back then
We remember, we won’t forget
How You took our lives (From the pit), hey
We remember, we won’t forget
(Look at where we are now)
Lift your voice, lift your voice

Oh-oh, we will remember
Oh-oh, Jesus, our Savior (Oh, just to know you)
Oh, just to know You in Your suffering
Just to get me closer than I’ve ever been
Oh-oh, we will remember

Oh-oh, we will remember
Oh-oh, Jesus, our Savior
Oh, just to know You in Your suffering
Just to get me closer than I’ve ever been
Oh-oh, we will remember*

We are far from unmoved by the news of the day – war, wildfires, abortion battles, soaring prices, drug deaths, and racial divides. Yet, in the midst of being the church in these situations, we turn our eyes to Jesus, fix them on Him…and remember.

*Lyrics to Remember by Maverick City x Upper Room

YouTube Video – Remember (Shortened Version) – Lyric Video

Photo Credit: Timothy Keller, Quote Fancy

Photo Credit: Heartlight, C. S. Lewis

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Monday Morning Moment – Celebrating Those Who are the Real Deal in Our Lives

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Photo Credit: Revival Centres

The real deal is defined as “A person or thing who is genuinely superior or impressive in some regard and is therefore worthy of appreciation or respect. A genuine and high-quality example of something. “

A blogger named Sarah Christine recently posted a captivating piece on determining whether something (or, in particular, someone) is or is NOT the real deal.

Something Real – Sarah Christine – Cultiv8ing Character

Why does this matter? We live in a culture that has become more and more cynical…and, superficial. Character seems no longer part of what it takes to win an election, or score a promotion, or get “to the top” of whatever the field is. If everyone lies, we just hope they don’t lie to us. Fake news and pseudo-science have prompted us to be passive in our examination of world events. Do we suspect the real deal just doesn’t exist anymore? Sooner or later, a rock will be turned over, and, even in the best of us, icky, creepy things will be exposed.

Take heart. The real deal still exists, and, in fact, maybe it’s us.

Sarah Christine points out “a three-step process…helpful for assessing whether something is the capital R-Real deal or not in [her] life, and I gotta say, it’s done a good job of rooting out the counterfeits…”

  1. Ask – “when it comes to figuring out whether something is the real deal or a counterfeit, asking people with more experience/expertise who have ‘been there done that,’ so to speak, can be remarkably helpful in discerning whether or not to pursue, sign onto, or invest in something.” Still…this isn’t 100% foolproof: “while the reviews and opinions of others can give you some helpful direction when it comes to discerning something real from a counterfeit, you can’t always just take people’s word for it. Some things require or at least invite more up-close and personal investigation.”
  2. Seek – “A really good way of assessing whether something is real or not is what happens when it gets tested. Because as much of an asset as our own eyes/experiences can be, the human mind has a tremendous capacity for self-deceit. We are… not always the most objective. Thus…when it comes to figuring out whether something is the Real Deal and not a counterfeit does not rely on the opinions/experiences of anyone else or even what we perceive ourselves. It comes down to testing the thing itself.”
  3. Knock – When you’re face-to-face with someone and a strong opinion has been voiced, you can assess whether that person truly believes it at his/her core or if it’s just something believed as true because of cultural influence. Sarah Christine advises: “All I’d have to do was ask,‘Why do you think that?’ And see, asking someone “why?” they said what they said, is the equivalent of a gentle poke if you ask me. It’s a soft knock. A nudge. A loving tap. But if something is the Real Deal–i.e. ironclad–you can more than give it a tentative push-back. You can full on hit it with a baseball bat. Because here’s the thing: Real Deals can take a beating. A solid argument can withstand even the most hostile inquisition. Someone who really loves you won’t cut out even when you act like a total– If you’re struggling to see whether or not something is the Real Deal, and you’ve asked and sought and still aren’t sure whether it is or not, my suggestion is you give it a good, solid hit and see what happens. Because Real things–True things–can take a beating and come back swinging.” – Sarah Christine

Thanks, Sarah Christine. I loved this so much. One challenge about this is how passive we’ve become in this post-COVID, anti-other (almost said anti-Christian, but it’s really anti-other). We struggle with a lethargy of a sort, a dullness in our critical thinking. Do we have it in us to go after the real deal?  Or BE the real deal?

It’s. Just. Too. Hard.

We’ve got to WAKE UP! Look around. Start asking questions and testing out where we align and with whom. Not to become more tribal but to truly find what we believe is worth fighting for…living for. And then going after it. Going after them. Determining not to miss the Real Deals out there – the people who we can learn from and the causes that matter.

I don’t know Jackie Hill Perry personally, but she is the real deal. Karen Swallow Prior is another one. We don’t agree on everything, but they have done the work to know what they believe and they aren’t wavering…and hopefully never will. My mom was (all the years I had her with me) and my mom-in-law continues to be the real deal…with no celebrity but quiet resolve to live a faithful life.

Photo Credit: Quotes in Sight

These are but a few of the many real deals I’ve had the privilege of knowing in my short life.

The most influential? Jesus, the Christ, the Creator, the Savior.

In a conversation last night with a much younger friend, we puzzled over how people can ever walk away from Jesus once they know him. The church, maybe. The Christian life, possible. But Jesus? The only answer is that people who walk away never truly knew him. As for those whose religions or non-religions take no consideration of him, I would invite you to consider digging in and knowing Him. Ask. Seek. Knock.

He’s the real deal.

A never ending test for you will be loving someone that’s failed you. The easy thing is to retreat. To put up a guard. To cuss em out and carry on with your day. Yet God says “love them anyway”. As hard as it is, love is the only way you will truly look like Jesus. – Jackie Hill Perry