Freedom of speech is a precious right that deserves our protection.
We are free in this country to speak. We can choose to treat truth as a lie or lies as truth. Without penalty in some cases. Even the Supreme Court has protected the right to lie in one instance (maybe others). The justices’ in-court conversation is fascinating and telling of the sanctity of free speech in our country.
As a nation, our values have included the adage “with rights come responsibilities”. Unfortunately, in the political arena, we may need to ask the question: has lying become an accepted “means to an end”?
For this first (maybe final) term of the Trump presidency, he has been accused of lying on a daily basis, by the Democrats and the main-stream media, among others. Now we are in the last days of a presidential election. Vice-President Biden, the Democratic candidate for President, is also under fire for lying. Even his own Vice-President candidate, Senator Harris, not many months ago, accused him of the same.
Let’s just say, for a moment, that telling the truth is not an American value in 2020. It seems it still is, if we base that assessment on the varied and verbose outcries, on each side of the political aisle. However, how is it that we, the American people, believe our particular candidate is always telling the truth and the other is not?
Here’s what I think? Take it for what it’s worth to you. I don’t think any of us can know who is lying and who is telling the truth.
We live in a political era of spliced sound-bytes, seamless film editing, brilliant speech writing, and high-dollar coaches and advisors. Our party and policy preferences are gathered from our social media posts and internet searches. What we want to hear and see is well-researched and incorporated into political campaigns. Then we have the tech giants and news media fueling what we believe about our preferred candidates…or the other catastrophic choices. This is where we are…in the political arena.
Many of us are disappointed in the amount of pandering politicians do. But that pandering is more a symptom of our high unadjusted expectations and abstract consumerism than it is of flaws of political characters. You can’t compete for the presidency these days without pandering, including meta-pandering — pandering about pandering, saying “You’re good honest folk. You don’t want pandering. You only want straight talk and that’s all you’ll ever get from me.” – Jeremy E. Sherman
The quote above speaks to the jaded nature of politics. “Pandering” is essentially saying what we think others want to hear to get what we want out of the transaction – a political win, in this case. Sad.
The win is what matters. Lie if you have to, to end up on top. Lying, and not getting caught in the lie, is even better. So what if you get caught? Then you lean on your allies to whitewash the lie or create doubt, especially, when possible, by casting doubt on the veracity of the one who exposed the lie. Round and round and round we go.
There’s so much more I’d like to say on this topic, but will stop here. In the US, a huge election is days away, and we are weighing our candidates by what we believe about them. Who has our best interests at heart? Some say they are voting for the “lesser of two evils”. Some are very relieved at their option. Still others believe the whole future of this country is at stake.
What is true here, and what are the lies? What makes us think we can sort them out?
Here’s how? We look past our party affiliation. We start the clock wondering: how is it that this friend, colleague, family member, educator, legislator, celebrity, thought leader, media talking head…thinks differently from me? Be willing to ask the question, “Could it be possible that I’m the one who believes the lies? Could it be I have drunk the proverbial KoolAid?”
The sleek advertising notwithstanding, lies abound right now. Freedom of speech protects a certain level of lying. The end justifies the means…or so it seems. What we hope is that when the smoke clears on this election, and a winner is finally declared, that we as a people haven’t sold our souls to the Devil…the Father of lies.
For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, will multiply teachers for themselves because they have an itch to hear what they want to hear. – 2 Timothy 4:3
Here is the positive, the hope. We can be those who don’t need our ears tickled. We can, no matter the outcome of this election, choose to look for truth (not in the use of the word as in “my truth” or “your truth”) and stand there…together. When we dig down through all the political pandering and propaganda, we can hopefully find bedrock… if not in today’s popular culture…then elsewhere.
1) October Creepy – This year, we seem to be in need of bigger and earlier seasonal celebrations. Our neighborhood could totally be a drive-through Halloween fête with houses and yards dressed up on all sorts of creepy ghouls and goblins. The kids must love it!
For musical creepiness, Nathan Mills (Beyond the Guitar) delivers with five spooky themes (from shows too scary for me). Never having seen the shows, his interpretation of these themes is lovely and haunting (maybe that’s where the spooky comes in). Enjoy.
Still my favorite October offering of his is the theme from Stranger Things. All that sound from one guitar?! Crazy good! Here it is again:
2) New Politically Charged Words – These words may not be new to you, but they are to me. What words have you had to sort out in these strange times of redefining culture and society? Please comment below with words of your own that have forced their way into your vocabulary. For you non-native English speakers/readers, how about in your language? Any words you’d be willing to teach us?
Mansplaining – a man talking down to a woman, explaining something he assumes she does not understand
Safetyism – a culture or worldview where safety is considered sacred and must be protected
“Dog whistle” – a coded message communicated through words or phrases commonly understood by a particular group of people, but not by others
Pander – to provide gratification for others’ desires; to cater to or exploit the weaknesses of others
Schadenfreude – enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others
Illiberal – opposed to liberalism, not broad-minded
Populist – a member of a political party claiming to represent the common people
3) Dads – Do an online search of the importance of fathers and you’ll be reading all day. We are so grateful for our moms (see Friday Fave 5 below), but dads are the unsung heroes. My biological father was a ghost in my life. After my parents divorced when I was 5 years old, I saw him once after that. Once. Fortunately we later had a step-dad who became a dad to us.
Having dads actively involved in kids’ lives, whether they live with them or not, can make huge differences in their success in life. Both in how they see themselves and their place in the world. It matters.
These two videos are just a small evidence of impact. Sweet!
Dads make a difference. We all know it. Get up out of the recliner, Dad! We know you’re tired, and we understand it isn’t always easy to connect with your family. Go find that son, daughter, grand of yours…and be to them what no one else can be.
4) Lockdowns – Physical distancing will continue for many of us especially those most at risk for contracting COVID-19, but for the rest of the world, “lockdown is a terrible experiment”. So says Harvard epidemiologist Martin Kulldorff. We’re told to “follow the science” which seems reasonable, but the science is evolving. COVID-19 is a new disease. We are learning every day.
Photo Credit: Twitter, Martin Kulldorff [I took a screenshot in case his Twitter account got shut down or the Tweet deleted.]
Dr. Kulldorff and more and more others are encouraging “focused protection” – with the elderly and others at higher risk the focus. Then everyone else should take precautions – wash hands, keep some distance, maybe wear masks. However, any proposal to lockdown a whole state or country will only cause its own harm. The unnamed prognosticator Ethical Skeptic says the same as he follows data of deaths not by COVID per se but related to COVID (in particular, lockdowns).
5) Family Glue – When the image below crossed my Facebook newsfeed, it immediately resonated. My mom was our family’s glue (my mom-in-law continues to be the glue on my husband’s side of the family). Photo Credit: Lessons Learned in Life, Cardinal Crossing, Facebook
When Mom died, we still rallied around our Dad.
When he died, things got a little shaky. Someone has to take over that role of family glue, or holiday celebrations shift and family gatherings, in general, become tenuous. I would have loved taking on the responsibility of holding our extended family together, but living far from them made that impossible. Still, we try. How thankful I am for siblings, nieces and nephews who make space in their schedules and nearer relationships to gather to celebrate the memories of great old ones gone before us and the family bond we carry. What a blessing!
Who is your family’s glue? How do you hold together over the years? You folks who still manage family reunions and fun traditions are my heroes. You who put up with all the idioscyncrasies and prickly nature of family hold a deep place in my heart.
I hope our children have family glue in their DNA. My Mom’s delight in us, her readiness to always forgive, her holding us together no matter what are in my DNA for sure. So thankful for her…my mom-in-law, and those in our extended families applying the glue.
Glue only works in contact with what needs gluing.
Friday Faves on a Monday. The struggle is real sometimes. Like a friend says, life itself must always trump writing about life. Blessings on you, Dear Ones.
117,470 extra-other deaths, & we can't explain them via Covid virus. What caused these deaths? Why is this group growing twice as fast as Covid deaths?
These are the critical path questions. Never trust anyone who avoids the critical path, yet also claims 'virtue' or 'science'. pic.twitter.com/VzTV6X4sqd
Against Fear – Heather Mac Donald – [Don’t let the pro-Trump flavor of the article, any more than with pro-Biden bent, cause you to miss the reasoned content.]
We were younger than we thought. Fresh out of graduate or med schools. In our first big real-world work. Most Saturdays in those days, we met for breakfast at Horton’s (now a Chipotle) and lingered over coffee. Talking about life and how to solve the problems around us. We didn’t always agree, and sometimes we got loud and passionate…but never unkind. We loved each other after all. We also cared about the same things but often saw those very same things differently.
Each going our separate ways those Saturdays, we had learned from one another. Always coming away with a larger sense of what it takes to make a better world. We valued our debates, our arguments, as much as our happier takes on life. Civil and thoughtful – with space to disagree.
A few years later, we all relocated across the US, in next real-world jobs. I took a teaching post at Yale University. My first foray out of the South. There, I had the same experience as with our Saturday morning breakfast club. Lively debate on life, university regulations, student issues, course content, and the politics of the day. I was definitely an outlier on some of the topics, being one of the youngest on faculty and from a part of the country sometimes maligned for its thinking. Still, the grace and respectful interest given to me by my colleagues again gave room to grow…maybe for all of us as we wrestled together things that mattered. The experience of belonging also breathed consideration into our arguments. We shared commonalities. A tenure track respected no one over another.
Recently, a lawyer friend of mine, in Seattle, sent me the following article on this topic of argument or dissent:
What we are witnessing, in the rapidly transforming norms around race, sex, and gender, is not an argument at all but a revolution in moral sentiment. In all revolutions, the new thing struggling to be born makes use of the old system in order to overthrow it. At present, institutions like the university, the press, and the medical profession preserve the appearance of reason, empiricism, and argument while altering, through edict and coercion, the meaning of essential terms in the moral lexicon, like fairness, equality, friendship, and love. That the effort wins so much support speaks to the deep contradictions and corruption of American meritocratic institutions, and of the liberal individualist moral regime it seeks to replace.
Moral revolutions cannot tolerate ambiguity, but there is so much that I’m not sure of. How does one argue with this new form of truth? Not in the old way. Not by taking the bait. – Jacob Siegel
Siegel writes about the lost art of argument. His is a long and scholarly piece very worth the read. In brief, he states a strong case of how American culture, in particular, has become intolerant of reasoned debate. Pick the issue, and folks line up on one side or the other. If you are not on my side, then you are dead wrong. More than just wrong, you are a racist, sexist, fascist, Communist. And so it goes…far from the days of civil disagreement.
In the midst of all the meanness, especially in this election year, with political debates upon us, I believe we can turn this around.
Surely, we see the danger of hateful, polarizing exchanges. Part of our dilemma is that we are less face-to-face than we used to be. Before email and social media. Before COVID.
It’s too easy to use social media to make a public case on an issue and then dare someone to expose her biases and disagree.
I’m so thankful to have friends and family who allow for arguments on issues of religion, politics, etc. but without attacking.
The key to the art of argument is our persistent care for the person across from us. We may not love them, may not even like them, but we refuse to belittle or grow contempt for them. We refuse.
We determine to show respect, no matter how hot the argument becomes. We learn how to deescalate because the person matters more than the problem.
Scott Sauls speaks often on this matter of argument. His Tweet below expresses it better than I can.
People from the right and left calling me out for “political ambiguity.“ So here are my politics in a nutshell:
Attack problems not people…especially problems that attack people. Be unwilling to accept collateral damage that favors some and injures others.#WombToTomb
“Attack problems not people…especially problems that attack people.”
Although in the public arena we see too much ungracious confrontations, we can find exceptions. I’ve taken to watching Blogging Heads on YouTube. On split-screen, two people (often educators but others as well) tackle some of our most pressing societal issues. They have been immensely helpful to me. Equipping their listeners on how to problem-solve and see issues in ways we might not have before. Mentoring on how to have respectful, thoughtful discussions on topics they may or may not agree on…but they amicably agree to disagree.
I was honored to have a powerful discussion with the great @GlennLoury on upward mobility, entrepreneurship, education, faith, and a debate on how best to empower the black community to move from persecution to prosperity. https://t.co/9XY2lfk2wm@1776Unites@AEI@citizenstewart
The art of argument (debate) doesn’t have to be lost. We can choose to weigh in on matters of extreme importance without taking the other person to the mat. Stating our reasoning without condescension. Listening, learning, allowing that we could be missing some part of the issue. Whether or not we get the same treatment, we both lose if at least one doesn’t remember the person in front of us has greater value than winning the the argument.
In closing, you’ll find two clips from Denzel Washington‘s 2007 film The Great Debaters. The plot is based on the true story of the rising debate team of the historically black Wiley College. The time was the 1930’s during the era of Jim Crow. The place, Texas. Washington played the role of Melvin Tolson, the outspoken debate coach. These two clips are riveting examples of an argument and a debate…and how it might be done again.
2) 200 Days – It’s been 200 days of physical distancing and wearing masks in public. Over half a year. COVID-19 has been a global health threat for many months now. We have learned so much in how to prevent, mediate, and treat. It’s become a political issue which is unfortunate and unfair. It is a novel virus. We are all learning.
For me, the biggest thing, after not contracting the virus, is how to navigate life with physical distancing. I’ve found instead of my capacity for work and people growing, it has contracted. Fatigue is a daily issue to battle. This is so curious since we are in the physical lives of far fewer people…and much of the clutter in our work lives has been removed.
Still…we are challenged to stay in play in life and relationships. I really appreciated the counsel of the two articles below. Won’t elaborate here, but read what you need…and don’t give in to the sluggishness of this constrained life. It will get better or stay different – we want to effectively meet the challenge whatever it is.
3) Humanity Over Politics – “Don’t let politics take away your humanity. Don’t let the fact that you agree or disagree with someone on various issues, don’t let that stop you from having sympathy for them, compassion…In general, people need to stop trying to dunk on people, insult people, dunking on people when they are…sick, going through dark times. It’s just despicable behavior. This is not me virtue-signaling. This is just me trying to encourage you to be a decent human being. Humanity over politics always!” – Zuby
Important message!
Don't let politics turn you into what you despise. You don't change hearts and minds by kicking people at their lowest point. Even if you disagree with them.
I follow @ZubyMusic on Twitter. This young man is British with an international accent (sounds American to me, raised and schooled in Saudi Arabia). He is truly brilliant with a wide range of giftings – podcaster, rapper, health/fitness coach, author, and culture commentator. He seems to truly care about people…and even us Americans, which is so refreshing. I learn from him daily.
4) Civil Thoughts and Voices – Who are those in your lives? Please comment below and let us in on those we might want to learn from, as well. On the Christian front, writer/pastor Scott Sauls is one of those for me. His book A Gentle Answer: Our ‘Secret Weapon’ in an Age of Us Against Them is a great resource.
In the last several weeks, you have heard me rave about economics professor and social scientist Glenn Loury. He is one of the thought leaders in our world today, and his voice has helped me stay calm in a world gone crazy. He is weekly on a YouTube Blogging Heads episode and also on other media platforms. This week, Loury speaks with Ian Rowe on education and society. There is not one dry point in this whole conversation.
Hope-giving. Whatever your biases or preconceived notions are, Do. Not. Miss. This. Especially if you love children.
Rowe is currently a fellow with the American Enterprise Institute, focusing on education and upward mobility, family formation, success sequence, adoption, and poverty studies. If you truly care about issues related to racism, poverty, opportunity, and family, you want to read everything he writes…and talk about it with whomever and wherever you have a voice.
[Rowe also talks about the role of not only individuals but mediating institutions who will add to the conversation and strengthen the solutions.]
5) Mushrooms Everywhere – The natural world around us is full of wonder and surprises. I had the pleasure of a walk in the woods this week. Highlighted by a closer to the ground view by two small grandchildren. They spotted and we marveled at the incredible array and variety of mushrooms and fungi growing on the forest floor and downed logs.
We see mushrooms pop up in our yards overnight. How do they do it? Seemingly out of nowhere. Not tackling that here, but you can find several timelapse videos of mushroom growth on YouTube.
For today, I just wanted to post some (not all) of the mushrooms we discovered on that one walk. Phenomenal!
Time-lapse video of composting worms – ok, so this has nothing to do with the above topic, but… When my husband takes the grandchildren fishing, they fish with worms. Dug up from our compost pile. Except for the creepiness factor, it amazes how worms can turn garbage into compost, and over a very short amount of time.
“Every ‘yes’ you say means a ‘no’ to something else.” – my husband, Dave
Forgive me but I didn’t realise Thursday was #NationalPoetryDay. If I’d have remembered I’d have posted this famous moment from ‘Parkinson’ in 1973… when Ken and Maggie Smith read John Betjeman’s ‘Death in Leamington’ in front of the great man himself. Truly memorable. Click⬇️ pic.twitter.com/pqpHdg82UL
— Kenneth Williams Archive (@KENNETHWILLlAMS) October 3, 2020
“There are times in the experience of almost every community, when even the humblest member thereof may properly presume to teach — when the wise and great ones, the appointed leaders of the people, exert their powers of mind to complicate, mystify, entangle and obscure the simple truth — when they exert the noblest gifts which heaven has vouchsafed to man to mislead the popular mind, and to corrupt the public heart, — then the humblest may stand forth and be excused for opposing even his weakness to the torrent of evil.” – Frederick Douglass, from Maria Popova’s article “Frederick Douglass on the Wisdom of the Minority and the Real Meaning of Solidarity
The following video is an intersection in Cairo, Egypt. I never could bring myself to drive when we lived there, but I loved watching how the drivers made their way through all the traffic. Fascinating!
Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so that I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my poweris perfected in weakness.”
Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Our perfect God loves His children perfectly. We, on the other hand, are far from perfect. Between our own sin nature, living in a fallen world, with an adversary in the Devil…life can be a challenge.
Yet we are never alone. God gives grace…glorious, complete, specific to our needs.
Our family needed particular grace this week. A surprising altercation (my experience). A hard decision. A week of long days. An unexpected ailment.
Then smack dab in the middle of it all, God’s grace poured down.
Tom Elliff is a close friend…many would say that about him because he brings the fragrance of Christ into every conversation and relationship. So loving, joyful, encouraging. Rock solid in his faith in God and in the work God means to finish in His children.
[Husband Dave & Tom Elliff]
On the morning after the hardest night, I found one of Tom’s Refresh sermons online. It was Fresh Surrender(starts at minute 29:28 on this video). In this sermon, he focuses on the Scripture passage 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. It is the Apostle Paul’s testimony of his “thorn in the flesh”. He had prayed for God to remove it, but He didn’t. Then Paul gloriously testifies how God assured that His grace was sufficient for the thorn in Paul’s life. So moved by that experience of God’s love, Paul declared, “I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
[Watch Tom’s Refresh sermons here and here…whatever you’re going through, you will be encouraged.]
Hardships come into all our lives. When they happen, we are tempted to rail at the pain, to question God, and to seek to remove ourselves from that particular hard.
God calls us to surrender our will to Him…our pain, our problems, our preferences…He gives grace to us, and we give glory to Him…when we surrender ourselves to Him afresh.
This can be where revival starts in our own hearts…and in the church.
A song I never heard before was in the mix of worship songs at this year’s Refresh Conference. It is from the worship collaborative of People and Songs. “Let Revival Come” is the cry of our hearts…for our own lives and that of our country right now.
Worship with me (it’s 21:30 minutes into this Sherwood Baptist worship service). Also the People and Songs lyric video is here.
Heavenly Father, I come
Don’t have much to offer,
Holy One
I’m humbled by all that you have done
Even though I walk through the valley,
I don’t have to fear, No-
You have called me from my sorrow to gladness, I have you
What more could I want?
CHORUS:
(So) Raise my faith
a little higher
Set my spirit on fire
Lord, we’re asking You to move
Cause You’re the God of Restoration
The One who gives salvation
Lord, Let revival come, Let revival come
VERSE 2:
You are the God who calms the sea
The same God who healeth me
You are the One who makes me strong
BRIDGE: x4
Revive me
Revive me with the
Joy that You bring
Joy that You bring
CHORUS 2:
(So I) Raise my hands a little higher
Now my spirit’s on fire
Lord, we’re asking You to move
‘Cause You’re the God of Restoration
The One who gives salvation
Lord, Let revival come, Let revival come*
Weekend! Welcome. Hopefully only the happiest of screens beckon you. Also hopefully the weather allows for time outside on this beautiful Fallish (here) couple of days. Thanks for stopping by.
1) Political Signage – We have never put up signs in our yard supporting one candidate or another. I actually admire those with the courage or passion to do so. Even when their signs are for folks I’d rather not win. About once a week, now that we are just weeks away from the big election in November, I drive around our neighborhood to see who is for who.
The most unique and funniest sign was the one below. Yes, please!
The best political Tweet I’ve discovered so far is this one. Not a sign… but maybe a sign of the times. We have to get to the place that we say “No more hate!” Whoever wins the election, we will get through it…together. If we’re willing not to sacrifice relationship in our differences.
Some of my friends are for Trump and some of my friends are not for Trump.
2) The Late Summer Garden – Some of the flowers are gone, but the begonias, zinnias, and a few others continue to raise their beauty to the sky. Such a blessing…even when they look a little tired…it doesn’t take away from the glory of their summer, even in COVID 2020.
The hydrangeas have bloomed and bloomed and bloomed. Below, the beautiful late summer bloom ravaged by the elements and a brand new bloom on the same bush.
The vegetables almost spent…last pickings of summer:
…and finally the acorns, treated as treasure by the grands visiting.
3) Fall– My favorite season of the year…The leaves are changing color yet but the temperatures are finally falling. Can’t wait! Just a few photos from RVA Antiques:
4) The Number 2 Guys – Some of us have that special gifting of being the Number 2 guy. Rarely on the podium or in front of the room but all about helping the Number 1 guy be as effective as possible. Here is a great example of how that works.
We have cable TV to watch the Tour de France bike race and NFL football. Because of COVID, the Tour de France 2020 was delayed this year until the end of August, and it wraps up this weekend.
My husband is a cycling enthusiast and we watch the Tour every year. This year we were a bit out of sync so just got the last few days. It looks like the Dutch cycling team Jumbo-Visma will win the Tour this year with Slovenian rider Primož Roglič coming in first.
Roglič is a champion among champions in this race. Where does his edge come from? Every team in the Tour has several world class riders. Either sprinters or climbers. They all help each other. One member of the team is designated to win, and there is usually 1 rider in particular who serves as the super domestique. His job is to set the pace for the team (various riders take turns at this, but 1 or 2 riders usually lead). He also protects the rider picked to win and strategizes with the team how to make that win possible, from stage to stage of the race.
26 year-old American Sepp Kuss is definitely the Number 2 guy for the Jumbo-Visma team and for fellow teammate Primož Roglič, in particular. Kuss is a climber. For some teams, the #2’s who help the lead rider keep him upfront for as long as they can and then they themselves burn out and end up in the middle or rear of the peloton toasted. Kuss has the legs and the tenacity to “pull him (Roglič) right up there and just hang in there with him” (my husband’s take on him this Number 2).
I loved Andrew Hood’s take on Kuss’s contentment with being #2 when he has the ability to be in the lead: “Kuss is content to work in the shadows of his teammates right now. But if he keeps ripping the legs off the peloton, he’ll end up at the front sooner or later.”
Who’s your #2? Or maybe you’re the Number 2. Essential to the win!
[Postscript: After 11 days in the yellow jersey, Primož Roglič lost the Tour de France after the individual time trials (Stage 20 of the race) to friend and fellow Slovenian Tadej Pogacar. It was a colossal surprise to everyone and especially to Pogacar. At just shy of 22 years old, he held onto the white jersey for Best Young Rider. Also the King of the Mountain polka-dot jersey for his powerful mountain climbs. Lastly, the prized yellow jersey for best over all. The winner of this year’s Tour de France. His response: gratitude for his team.]
5) Holding Space – So thankful to see people responding to a tragedy with courage, reason, and real honor.
Andre Conley – Say his name. Two weeks into his senior year at Patrick Henry High School, Minneapolis, Andre was killed, earlier this week, while knocking on doors, passing out fliers for a Republican Congressional candidate. Killed. Another young man with him, Andre Kelley, was wounded and hospitalized. The story is here.
One of the N. Minneapolis high school principals, Mauri Melander Friestleben, spoke out against the violence on the streets of Minneapolis. She stood with dozens of other principals, “holding space” for change for students, staff, and the families of Minneapolis. We can all learn from her…to hold space for what’s right in our own communities…and to stand against what’s wrong (you might be surprised by it).
A GoFundMe was initiated for Andre Conley’s family. To show you the quality of Andre’s family: they asked for the money to go to Andre Kelley and his family to cover his hospitalization and other expenses. Praying for Andre Kelley and for comfort for Andre Conley’s family, schoolmates, and teachers/friends.
When some good neighbor friends wanted to help us celebrate Dave’s birthday, physically distanced, she asked what sort of a dessert he would like. I told her that he was actually trying not to eat sweets. She put together this incredible little snack display with “cheese” cake. Smoked Gouda to be exact.
Quote:
“Whenever I feel bad, I go to the library and read controversial periodicals. Though I do not know whether I am a liberal or a conservative, I am nevertheless enlivened by the hatred which one bears for the other. In fact, this hatred strikes me as one of the few signs of life remaining in the world. This is another thing about the world which is upside-down: all the friendly and likable people seem dead to me; only the haters seem alive.” – from the Walter Percey’s novel The Moviegoer – featured in Russell Moore‘s article Why Unhealthy People Crave Controversy
This is kudzu – it is an invasive vine that grows all summer and covers everything. Interesting story of how it ended up in the US and in the South.
Respect Your Elders – a classic Robert Duval movie scene:
My grandmother once gave me a tip:
In difficult times, you move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future, or what may happen tomorrow.
Wash the dishes.
Remove the dust.
Write a letter.
Make a soup.
You see?
You are advancing step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Rest a little.
Praise yourself.
Take another step.
Then another.
You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more.
And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.– Elena Mikhalkova(Image of Tasha Tudor, American Illustrator 1915-2008)
Let’s talk about capacity! I’m still working on my Monday blog on a Tuesday. One of the fall-outs of COVID.
What started, in our country, as a sprint in March is turning into more a long-distance run. 6 months now. 184 days thus far of physical distancing (for this medically at-risk person).
Remember how we first thought it might be just 2 weeks of quarantining to eradicate the threat? OK, I was super-naive.
We’re becoming weary of certain words and phrases. Pandemic. Unprecedented. Uncharted. New normal. We’re all in this together. Even social distancing. [I was thankful when that phrase went out of vogue and “physical distancing” replaced it. “Social distancing” put a wrongful prescription on its hearers. We need to physical distance, yes, but never social distance. We have learned.]
Remember when surge capacity became a worrisome phrase in our daily news cycle. Will our hospitals have enough ICU beds and ventilators to properly care for the rising numbers of persons with grave cases of COVID? That was the fear. We heard the daily troubling reports from New York state officials. Those reports were heard, and hundreds of ventilators were sent, as well as the provision of field hospitals, even the arrival of a huge hospital ship. Peak hospitalizations with COVID have passed for now. Surge capacity tested and proven ample.
Why does this matter?
Each of us has our own surge capacity (related to stress, trauma, loss). During COVID, we are all having it tested. Some more than others. I think of parents trying to juggle work, child care, and monitoring schooling. Teachers preparing in-class lessons and teaching remotely as well in the various hybrid programs. Essential workers. First responders. Hospital personnel.
Here is a general definition of capacity-building. It is where we are.
Capacity-building is defined as the “process of developing and strengthening the skills, instincts, abilities, processes and resources that organizations and communities need to survive, adapt, and thrive in a fast-changing world.” An essential ingredient in capacity-building is transformation that is generated and sustained over time from within; transformation of this kind goes beyond performing tasks to changing mindsets and attitudes. – United Nations Academic Impact
Remember when we first started experiencing COVID (at least in the news)? We had big plans for the physical distancing and working remotely and the time we would recoup in that experience. We would take a college course, learn a new language, renovate the house, or declutter our lives.
Then we were surprised at the sluggishness that we encountered. The dullness. The quiet that gradually turned into isolation.
We mentally prepared for a sprint, but the rules changed. We had to change how we ran to set our minds and bodies for a longer run.
Science journalist Tara Haelle recently posted an excellent piece on human surge capacity. “We need to recognize that we’re grieving multiple losses while managing the ongoing impact of trauma and uncertainty. The malaise so many of us feel, a sort of disinterested boredom, is common in research on burnout, Masten says. But other emotions accompany it: disappointment, anger, grief, sadness, exhaustion, stress, fear, anxiety — and no one can function at full capacity with all that going on.”
Haelle writes in detail on our surge capacity and how we can endure and actually build capacity for this season of prolonged uncertainty. Her main points follow (read her piece for greater detail).
Accept that life is different right now
Expect less from yourself
Recognize the different aspects of grief
Experiment with “both-and” thinking
Look for activities, new and old, that continue to fulfill you
Focus on maintaining and strengthening important relationships
Begin slowly building your resilience bank account
We don’t want to fall victim to what seemed like it would be a sprint but has turned into a marathon. Organizational psychologist and professor Adam Grant tweeted wisdom about the problem of becoming sluggish or judging that in others. [I do disagree that we’re all socially awkward now…just pointing to his Tweet.]
If you're feeling socially awkward, you're not alone.
Studies of isolation suggest that social skills are like muscles. Without regular exercise, they can atrophy.
It's a good time to raise our tolerance for quirky behavior. People might be a bit rusty.https://t.co/pUAQ6NZxuY
Moving into the 7th month of COVID experience, we are making decisions on how to better maneuver. Still committed to safe practices but re-engaging in life with people we love…people whose influence and very presence we have missed in these physically distanced days.
Life is precious. There is a balance in what is real and how we can build capacity to meet that reality. Otherwise life becomes something less. We know what’s working and what’s not. If not, we can counsel with each other. I say we go for it…stretching ourselves out for the long distance run, bringing all those we can along with us.
Forgive the “motivational speechiness” – it’s what happens when I think too long on something and yet lack the answers. Recognition, desire and hope all together birth action…so let’s get after it!
Please post in Comments what is working in your life to build capacity. See you on the road.
[Postscript: The image below is one sort of those “both-and” situations Haelle prescribes. We as parents teach our children had to be resourceful and responsible in hard times, and we also teach them how they might make the world a kinder place for us all.]Photo Credit: The Purposeful Parenting Movement, Facebook
2) The Good Ones – Let’s celebrate those “good ones” in our lives. Country artist Gabby Barrett was inspired by her husband Cade Foehner) to write The Good Ones.
Your good one may be a spouse…or it could include a parent or friend. Thank God, for those who love us well. May we love well also.
3) Some Favorite Thinkers – Fake news abounds these days. Social media gurus don’t deny it. In fact, documentaries are being produced about how we are being manipulated by news and social media makers – The Twisted Truth and The Social Dilemma are two.
As conversations heat up about politics, racial unrest, and COVID (heading toward the US Presidential election), we should check our news sources for where we get our opinions on all the above. Even if we try to sample a mix of liberal and conservative sources, we still have to wonder if what we hear is true. How deep does news and political bias go?
We need to seek out thinkers who themselves are burdened by the state of our streets, our politics and policies, and the next generation. Just thinking we’re right and resting on those laurels will no get us to a better place. Reasoning, thinking deeply, listening, talking together (especially with those with whom we don’t necessarily agree)…we need people who will help guide us through to higher understanding and healthier actions than we see around us.
Glenn Loury and Coleman Hughes are two of those men who currently influence my thinking. You can find them at least weekly in some conversation on their own podcasts or others. Blogging Heads is one of my favorite platforms.
Another fascinating person (on Twitter and his/her own blog) is @EthicalSkeptic. I’m not smart enough to understand most of what he says, but it gives pause (especially related to COVID).
How disinformation harms. The 4 key charts.
There were those in the US who pushed this false 3.4% iCFR, raw test-positive counts, & purposely confused concepts of risk – so as to terrify and coerce its population.
The thing about thinkers…you may not always agree with them but what they say can be a check of your own thinking. Are you teachable? Are you listening? Are you willing to consider?
4) The Human Library– Twenty years ago, this non-profit was established in Copenhagen, Denmark. The Human Library was designed to give people an opportunity to just tell their stories to other people. For the purpose of understanding, inclusion, and dealing with prejudice or bias. From what I can gather from the website and this Facebook page, people can gather in a library environment and, instead of reading books found there, they share and listen to life stories. The people are “the books”. I want to know more about this…maybe even figure out how to create such an environment or event.Photo Credit: Facebook, Wieteke Koolhof, Facebook
5) “This Is Your Time” – The recently deceased actor Chadwick Boseman spoke at the commencement service at Howard University, his alma mater, in 2018. He was magnificent. Boseman told stories about his life – powerful stories of his experiences as a student, a young black man, and a believer in God. He quoted the Bible ( Jeremiah 29:11), about God’s plans for our lives. He urged the graduates to steer clear of victimhood but to move toward their purpose with faith and fortitude.
“…Sometimes you need to get knocked down before you can really figure out what your fight is and how you need to fight it…When I dared to challenge the systems that would relegate us to victims and stereotypes with no clear historical backgrounds, no hopes or talents, when I questioned that method of portrayal, a different path opened up for me — the path to my destiny.When God has something for you, it doesn’t matter who stands against it…God will move someone that is holding you back away from the door and put someone there who will open it for you…if it’s meant for you. I don’t know what your future is, but if you are willing to take the harder way, the more complicated one, the one with more failures at first than successes, the one that’s ultimately proven to have more victory, more glory, then you will not regret it. Now…this is your time.”
[In the tweet below, you’ll find the closing comments of this speech.]
7 years ago, a friend of ours taught English in China for a year. She offered names of her American friends as ways her students could address each other so they could learn name pronunciation, too. This beautiful little girl picked my name. I wonder where she is today and how she’s doing.Photo Credit: Hailey Mullins, Facebook – September 2013
At first, you really liked working with this person. Then, bit by bit, he/she began wearing on you. He is always messing with his phone. Her solution to today’s problem is too labor-intensive. His email responses have become terse. She is late for your meeting. You think, maybe I was wrong about him. He is not the person I thought he was. Maybe, she’s the wrong person on the bus…at least on my bus.
When a relationship begins to deteriorate at work (or home), you are wise to take steps to turn this around as quickly as possible. You could be in a work situation that has been difficult from the outset. It is still possible for you to make inroads in turning that relationship toward a more healthy or positive one. If not altogether, at least from your side. Consider an adage that has had a long and useful run in our family and work.
Your opinion of someone approximates their opinion of you. – Dave Mills
There are exceptions, but I have found this to be wise counsel (from my husband, no less) in both personal and professional relationships. When what was a warm, congenial relationship takes a turn toward the negative, you can actually work, from your side, to restore the relationship. Even to take it to a deeper level. It can get more uncomfortable at first, because you have to start with your own thoughts toward that person. How have those thoughts changed?
We send signals to each other – whether we speak or not.
Mom raised us hoping we would be positive, peaceful people – often using the saying from Walt Disney’s film Bambi:
Good counsel except for the reality of those conversations that still go on in our heads and color our attitudes, our tone of voice, our preferences, and our decisions.
Let’s say I have an amicable relationship with a colleague, and then something happens. I may not even be aware of it – a misunderstanding, a misconstrued action, an insensitivity unaware. Then a chill develops, or a clear outright dislike. I have a window of opportunity to clear that up. Otherwise, if I don’t act, then a process can begin where I turn around and decide that person is also a jerk and has woefully misjudged me…and off we go.
Remember: This can go both ways. You may have had a few off days with a colleague, and find yourself just not thinking so well of him, then stop it! It’s possible you can keep them from picking up that signal and prevent the relationship from getting more toxic as they decide you’re not so great either.
If I refuse to think ill of another person and discipline myself to be respectful, deferent in my demeanor, and tireless in pursuing understanding, I could restore that relationship. If it doesn’t improve right away, my attitude and actions work for my own benefit and can definitely help rebuild trust with my team members. One day…that relationship may also turn. It’s worth the effort.
Job coach and writer Jon Acuff talks about the four ways we invest in our careers – through skills, character, hustle, and relationships. In an interview with LifeReimagined.com, he had this to say about difficult, or neglected, work relationships:
“Even if you have skills, character and hustle, without relationships, it’s the career version of the Emperor’s New Clothes. Why?”
“If you don’t have relationships, you eventually don’t have people in your life who can tell you the truth about the decisions you’re making. You don’t have people who can tell you no or question you honestly. What I’ve learned is that leaders who can’t be questioned end up doing questionable things.” – LifeReimagined.com interview with Jon Acuff
He identifies three types of people in our lives (work or otherwise, really): friends, foes, and advocates. Jon writes in Do Over:
“The best thing to give a foe is distance. We should ignore most foes. The problem of course is that we won’t. If your definition of foe is too loose and is essentially “anyone who kind of bothers me ever,” your job is going to be miserable. If you see people as your adversaries, it’s almost impossible to have a good working relationship with them. The first thing is to understand whether these foes are clueless or calculated. A clueless foe is that person whose behavior encourages you to fail. They are not malicious. They are not trying to make you lose, but with the power of their influence you are. “Bad habits are almost always a social disease – if those around us model and encourage them, we’ll almost always fall prey. Turn ‘accomplices’ into ‘friends’ and you can be two-thirds more likely to succeed.” – Jon Acuff, Do Over
I think what Jon says is true. Because of my own worldview and value system (and married to Dave all these years), I don’t think we can just acknowledge there are foes out there and distance ourselves from them. Sometimes, that is virtually impossible to do and still be effective at work. Because what can happen, if we don’t act to keep our own thinking clear, is that we take on some of that “foe-dom” ourselves. Maybe you aren’t going to be bosom buddies with this person, but your own work and other relationships can suffer if you develop bad habits around this person. Better to work on the relationship.
“For no matter what we achieve, if we don’t spend the vast majority of our time with people we love and respect, we cannot possibly have a great life. But if we spend the vast majority of our time with people we love and respect – people we really enjoy being on the bus with and who will never disappoint us – then we will almost certainly have a great life, no matter where the bus goes. The people we interviewed from the good-to-great companies clearly loved what they did, largely because they loved who they did it with.” – Jim Collins, Good to Great
For as he thinks within himself, so he is. – Proverbs 23:7
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:8
Hello, Weekend! Here are some of this week’s favorite finds. Enjoy!
1) Theme from Howl’s Moving Castle – When a theme for a movie goes beyond the scope of the film’s story, it’s intriguing and all the more beautiful. “The Merry-Go-Round of Life” was composed by Joe Hisaishi as part of the score for the film Howl’s Moving Castle. Classical guitarist Nathan Mills (Beyond the Guitar) has winsomely arranged this piece for guitar.
I’m not a musician nor have I ever been a fan of instrumental (even classical music) until Nathan began playing. His music has given all who know (or have discovered) him. Even within his preferred genre (arranging covers of movie, TV, and video game themes), he has opened up musical worlds that I might never have discovered.
This piece exactly does that. This lovely theme from a Japanese animated film would have been lost to me except for Nathan’s music.
His podcast, in its own right, does the same thing – drawing our attention to pop and arts culture and what we can learn both for disciplines in life and musicianship, as well as the joy in the journey.
2) Fathers – Fathers are a great benefit to children. We all celebrate our mothers and their role in nurturing us through our growing up years. Fathers, too, make a huge difference. For whatever reasons they are absent, hopefully we look to men in our extended family or friend group, or teachers, neighbors, and city leaders.
Dr. King was the father of four. He died too young (from an assassin’s bullet at the age of 39). His children were still very young, but they have the legacy of his public life and whatever private lessons he taught his children. We have all certainly learned from him. His speech on this day 57 years ago resonates today.
“Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
This week I discovered two other fathers expressing excellent, somewhat counter-cultural counsel to the younger people in their lives and in our country.
One is a Tennessee resident and representative in his state legislature – John Deberry, Jr. A recent speech he made was highlighted by thought leader Coleman Hughes. You can watch it below.
His bold and straight talk had a cost for him, but he would not stand down from the imperative to speak for the sake of those he represented.
The last father I’d like to feature here is Dr. Glenn Loury. He is a Brown University professor in social studies and economics. His commentary on the YouTube channel Blogging Heads has really opened up my thinking on many varied topics. He talks on a recent podcast about the issue of race and agency (how we make decisions and take personal action). This part of his talk begins at 42 minutes.
His “father talk” emphasizes taking up our own battles, not depending on another group of people for our future (equality), push ourselves toward success, avoid victimhood, get an education and needed training, take care of our families.
“Take responsibility for your life. No one is coming to save you. It’s not anybody else’s job to raise your children…Take responsibility for your life. It’s not fair…Life is full of tragedy and atrocity and barbarity…it’s not fair, but it’s the way of the world…Equality of dignity, equality of standing and respect, equality of feeling secure in your position in society, equality of being able to command the respect of others…something you have to wrest with hard work, with your bare hands. You have to make yourself equal. No one can make you equal.” – Dr. Glenn Loury
We depend on our fathers to tell us the hard things…but the true things. Our fathers, like our mothers but different, can empower us to know our value and our possibilities.
3) Best Bits of the Republican National Convention – Okay, so I watched both the Democratic National Convention (last week) and the Republican National Convention (this week). I wish, from the beginning, that I had jotted down the speakers that were especially gripping. Only recorded some of this week’s favorites. Most of them were not even on the published schedule. Sweet surprises. So forgive the candidate endorsement or laments if you can…just enjoy some of their stories. Both conventions showcased the lives of many Black Americans. In these days, it was a step toward healing.
Herschel Walker – retired NFL football player, from my home state of Georgia, 37 years of friendship with Donald Trump
Daniel Cameron – first African-American attorney general of the state of Kentucky
Senator Tim Scott – U.S. senator from South Carolina. His grandfather died in his 90s and Senator Scott said, “from cotton to Congress in one lifetime”. That’s his story.
Rep. Vernon Jones – state representative in Georgia. Right-leaning Democrat
Andrew Pollock – father of Parkland High School shooting victim, Meadow. He is an activist for school safety. A School Safety Commission was appointed after this school shooting.
Maximo Alvarez – (CEO, Sunshine Gasoline Distributors). Immigrant from Cuba. He loves America. As he watches the rioting, he said, “I hear echoes of the former life that I never wanted to hear again”.
Jon Ponder – former felon and founder of the re-entry program “Hope for Prisoners”
Jack Brewer – former NFL football player, founder of Black Voices for Trump
Clarence Henderson – civil rights activist; president of the North Carolina chapter of the Frederick Douglass Foundation
Ja’Ron Smith – assistant to the President and advisor on domestic policy
Alice Marie Johnson – first-time non-violent offender sentenced to life in prison plus 25 years. Received clemency after 22 years by President Trump
Again, these were from the Republican National Convention. Just a few voices on the side of one political party. It was odd that many of their brushes with the current President’s administration were unknown to me.
There were inspiring speakers at both conventions. Who were some of your favorites at DNC or RNC?
4) Handling a Narcissistic Boss – Volumes have been written on narcissism. One definition that fits here is: selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
Leadership consultant Lolly Daskal gives a 10-point list of actions to help us work effectively with narcissistic bosses. I’m just posting the points but her commentary on each is definitely worth your read.
Understand the source.
Respond, don’t react.
Set clear boundaries.
Don’t allow them to get under your skin.
Don’t feed the beast.
Don’t empower those who don’t deserve it.
Fact check everything.
Don’t argue.
Don’t be provoked.
Stay focused on what’s important.
Read the rest of Daskal’s article. Narcissistic people can be in positions of authority and influence. Knowing how to “get along” can mean the difference in impact, work gains, and quality of life. It’s worth the effort…if this is your situation.
5) Late Summer Garden – My husband’s garden is winding down for the summer…and it is still beautiful and fruitful. Here’s a look-see:[Three goldfinches feeding on seeds, I’m supposing, on this little petunia plant.]
Hope you have a peace-filled weekend. Hope also you find grace for the losses of this week, with shootings, violence in the streets, and hurricanes. Trying times, but we are not alone in them.
Photo Credit: Ask Ideas, Facebook, Enchanting Minds
